CHAPTER 11

Information

He hadn't been there for the attack. Panda had. Ever since the infiltration of ANBU Barracks the other captains stopped complaining about his requests to bring things to the girl. In fact, he now had a host of volunteers who hadn't seemed to be aware the threat was so bad.

Genma called the 6 year old their mascot. The way the others banded around her solidified this. The second time he went to get his eye healed, ordered to come back by the 6 year old herself, he found a small mound of jutsu scrolls and reading material piled outside her door.

"Who'd these come from?"

She looked up. It had been two weeks since the attack. The bruises were gone from her face. She stood up before him. The kid no longer flinched each time he stepped inside her room. Outwardly she looked better, but Kakashi was all too aware that didn't mean much.

He kept seeing her face slack and wide eyed with shock. That dark night when the emergency barracks power had been cut. How he'd rushed through the dark hallways and found her surrounded by blood and bodies. The only one left standing. A tiny thing over a field of gore just like he'd been when he was 6. It didn't matter that she hadn't been the one to kill them. Kids' minds dealt with trauma differently. Just because they bounced back didn't mean it wasn't there. The 6 year old in front of him today was much more aware. The girl's eyes focused on him. Her cheeks rosy with excitement.

"They didn't say their names."

"My clone reported you've been getting more visitors."

She looked from the pile of scrolls outside the doorway, apparently not having seen those yet. Then she beamed.

"Some of them even talk," She chattered and came to see the knee-high stack of material outside her door. She peered at the scrolls, seeming pleased to bits, and loudly whispered from his side, "Don't tell them I ratted them out."

"They talk do they?"

"Mmhm, though more just stay out of sight. I'm getting better at feeling when they dim their chakra."

He smiled and ruffled her hair. She giggled. It loosened the vice his heart had been trapped in since he'd found her that night. Panda passed out. The girl's own chakra so low it weakly fluttered against his own. When he picked her up it was so low he thought it was going to disappear in his arms. Her blank stare up at him and unresponsive face.

The girl was here. She was ok. The collection of scrolls stacked at the end of her bed seemed to delight her. Her giggle energized her chakra, bubbled it up and it floated around him with a sort of reassurance words could never convey.

"So you like Panda?" He asked.

She wasn't the one Kakashi would have picked for a role model. She was, however, perfect for a single body elimination team. He'd picked her because she was competent and under that stiff Mitarashi skin she seemed to have a beating heart. He was happy he wasn't wrong. The way the girl's face lit up confirmed his guess.

"She's great!" Sakura babbled on, Panda this, Panda that, and oh did you know Panda could...

Kakashi couldn't stop himself from smiling throughout her healing session. Her bubbling happiness was contagious and with his dark work lately, with the Hokage's muttering on the possible clan massacre they'd avoided, on all the serious things, little Haruno Sakura was a candle in his world.

His eyes were changing. He felt the shift become even more prominent after the second session. He tried not to think of it as he turned the Sharingan on for his ANBU work. He tried to act as if it weren't there at all during the days he impersonated Obito. He still couldn't turn it off himself, but the drain was so greatly reduced his chakra felt full to bursting. He was able to sleep. His headaches had disappeared.

Kakashi felt as if he were actually 20 and not an old man.

Inu settled into his work. The patrols were better coordinated now. Mouse was making subtle changes. Shifts around the Uchiha compound reported tensions for most of the clan were reducing, but while that happened the clan elders and a select faction of the branch families were getting angrier and angrier. Why was it that when acceptance and tolerance grow, those prone to judgement and hate dig in their heels?

After months of his tardiness and letting his appearance slide, Konoha's non-ANBU Jōnin began to brush him off. Those in ANBU gave him strange and hesitant looks but were wise enough not to say anything outside Headquarters. The funnier reactions came from Kakashi's old classmates. Those who knew his temperament well. He began to delight in the whiplash and doubletakes.

Asuma and Kurenai sucked a lemon when he showed up to the bar, sat at their table and opened his book of porn.

Asuma spluttered, possibly enraged that he'd crashed their secret date, "Kakashi!"

"Your dad wants to see you."

He didn't, but saying it was worth it. The way Asuma's face reddened. Next to him Kurenai blushed, looked at his exposed eyes, both of his eyes dark and fixed on his book. Then she looked down at his book. The hentai scene he left open as he lowered it to the table. Kurenai's blush went hot, her emotions took an interesting spike. If she hadn't been Kakashi's fan girl in the academy Asuma might not be turning as purple as a plum right now.

"Right, I'll be going," Kakashi took Asuma's beer as he stood. His back was turned and he'd almost made it to the door before he heard the last protest.

"Kakashi!"

His breathing huffed out against his mask. His eyes scanned the sunshine gleaming off the wall of the bar. The street busy around him and an annoyed, snobby Sarutobi prick behind him, and Kakashi couldn't help his own chortle. He finished the stolen beer and placed the empty bottle on the window sill. His copy of Jiraiya's work still in his hand, he wasn't even looking at it.

It wasn't the worst hentai he'd read. It wasn't good either. More often than not Kakashi had another book hidden under the lurid orange cover. There were only so many times he could read a single seduction scene before wanting to toss it in the river. No book deserved that, not even Jiraiya-sama's work. It was a bit ironic that the porn which had been written to justify the spy master's traveling was now being used as a double for his legacy.

Unfortunately his stunt with the Sannin's book got to the Hokage sooner than he'd anticipated. Oh, he'd hoped it would, just not when he'd been in the middle of such a lovely evening sitting under a quiet park tree. Kakashi knew he and Gai were both toeing a tight line between following orders and genuinely being bad candidates for succession. It was a game he needed to play. He'd given the village too much already to suffocate under a cloak of power.

He wasn't so different than the author of the works he hid behind. The spy master, who if whispers could be believed, was coming back to Konoha. Ordered back, that's what Genma said when he was the member of Team Ro hidden within the office the day Kakashi was messing with Asuma. It was that very night Kakashi received his own summons.

Panda spoke quiet after she gave the summons. She stepped closer so no one else could hear, "He's displeased Inu. Asuma just stormed out of there like a kid."

"As bad as he used to do when I beat him in class?"

Panda nodded. Mitarashi and him always had a silent understanding. She'd never fucked around and not let the others do it either. Rich kids, the entitled sort like Sarutobi Asuma, always rubbed her wrong.

Panda mused, "He wants you. You and Gai. I'm right aren't I?"

He wasn't technically supposed to say. He wasn't surprised Panda figured it out. Just like his team had, they were smart and overworked and in all the right places to hear the wrong things. He was pleased at least one of his classmates wasn't fooled. Panda had known him since he'd been a tiny swot holding his own against Chūnin trying to teach taijutsu. If the village lost her and was left to the likes of Sarutobi Asuma it'd be doomed.

Kakashi shrugged, "Too bad he can't have us."

"Let me know if you need help."

He nodded. His eyes, which the girl had turned off that morning after his shift, were dark and easily followed her distance as she jogged off. The distance was so much easier to estimate now he had two lenses functioning together. His forehead protector straight and tied where it best covered the tenketsu. He sat for a few minutes longer. The tree above him peaceful in Konoha's darkening night.

That fire jutsu he'd been keeping in his hand died. The pages of Jiraiya's book grew too dark to read. The Hokage tower rose higher than all the nearby buildings. It stood foreboding and unapproachable. Kakashi gripped his book tighter and supposed he should go.

Jiraiya was already there. The Sannin stood straight and tall while Hokage-sama had a similar look his son had. Kakashi was dispassionately pleased his stunt worked, got to the Hokage's ears and from someone who'd a history of complaining about Friend Killer Kakashi. Not a good enough source to actually be reprimanded further. The whole affair would hopefully be just enough to be annoying. Just enough wiggle room from what the man himself ordered. Kakashi always was a stickler for the rules. They both turned towards him when he stepped in.

The Hokage started in on him, "My son has been complaining about you. Porn Hatake?"

The big, white haired Sannin looked at the orange book in Kakashi's hand. Seemed stumped for a moment and then Jiraiya chuckled. Unlike the Hokage the Sannin didn't seem fazed by Asuma's complaint in the slightest. Kakashi kept his face blank. The Sarutobi all had a certain way of assessing someone before they tried something, and the Hokage had that look now. He assessed him with that sharp, twisting gaze, before his body turned away. It looked too practiced and nonchalant. The Hokage seemed to be swept up with something in the glass ball on his desk. The spy glass seemed to have all the Hokage's attention.

Only then the man murmured, "Your father would have handled this assignment better."

Kakashi could feel the Hokage's intent, but it didn't prepare him for the words. His face flushed beneath his mask. The heat crept to the top of his cheeks. His shoulders stiffened. The long buried anger and rage threatened to leak out and he tapped it down, harsh and unwilling to show these sort of comments could still hurt him. No, he had many more recent events and orders to dislike. Hokage-sama hadn't handled the Root situation like he'd been promising. He hadn't done a lot of things recently.

"Porn. Hatake Taichou tell me if this is the best you can do?"

"You are unhappy with me."

It was all he could say. Kakashi, who'd already felt affronted and not at all happy with his leader, he had to put so much effort to keep the sneer from reaching his eyes. This is why he'd started wearing a mask after his father's death. He'd never been good at hiding his disdain. He couldn't let them know. Especially not his superiors. That never ended well.

The white haired Sannin knew him too well. Jiraiya looked between the uptight boy he'd looked out for his whole life and the Hokage. The gears turned till his eyes lit with understanding. The Sannin patted Kakashi's arm, gripped it with a big hand in silent support, then turned a lecherous grin on the old man.

"Hokage-sama must be so proud."

"I-" The Hokage started then abruptly turned away from the glass ball on his desk. His calculated expression from earlier slipped with true confusion. Sarutobi asked, "What?"

"I couldn't help but notice last time I was here that you have Icha Icha in your desk. Surely Kakashi got the idea from you. He is your great grand-student after all."

Kakashi stiffened further under the Sannin's hand and Jiraiya gripped tighter, trying to reassure him.

"I..." He looked between the silver and white haired men standing in front of his desk. Then he sighed, a long suffering noise, and rubbed his forehead. The action belied their Hokage's next words, "Of course I'm proud of you."

"Well if that's all, I'd like to take my kohai on some research."

"Jiraiya."

"I'll stop by for my assignment tomorrow Hokage-sama," still holding Kakashi's shoulder they poofed away to a steaming hot springs well outside the village walls. It was at the base of a mountain and utterly deserted.

"Ka-kun."

Kakashi grimaced at the name he'd hated for years. It remained just as diminutive as when the Sannin first bestowed him with it. He'd been a child left on a battlefield field by his Chūnin superiors and told to hold the line. He had. Kakashi held the line. He had blown as many people apart as he could, because even as a kid he hadn't expected to win a real fight against better opponents. He'd been so bloody, his hair and clothes so thick with clotted gore when Jiraiya's team of Jōnin found him.

The man hadn't been a Sannin then. He'd just been the man Kakashi once knew. A fellow nin who he remembered had smiled and was kind to his otousan. One of the few who didn't seem to want anything from them.

"Kakashi, "He'd tried. When the kid felt too overwhelmed by a nice face to respond the Younger Jiraiya had kneeled in front of him and held his thin face between two massive hands. He tried to get his attention. To keep Kakashi's eyes focused on him.

"Ka-kun, I'm here. It's ok. It's over."

At the time, Jiraiya had just sent a teenage Minato and the rest of his Jōnin team in search of food. Jiraiya , from somewhere, found a clean cloth and a bowl of water. He then proceeded to clean the blood and mud off the tiny child's face. At the time Kakashi hated being treated like a child. More so after being sent to do what he'd just done. A Chūnin's voice ordered "Hatake hold the line." A clearing of messily dismembered bodies flashed in front of him. The white haired man hummed and kept cleaning his face.

"You with me?"

Kakashi snapped back to the moment. Those were the same words he'd said all those years ago. He swallowed. How was it possible he still felt so small?

"Of course."

Jiraiya pulled him closer and Kakashi would be lying if he didn't sink into the embrace of his father's friend. The man who'd so effortlessly stepped into the role. The big man always hugged a bit too tight, like the giant toads he worked with, they threw their weight around with abandon. When the arms released him Kakashi stumbled back. Jiraiya remained unpolished, unrepentant, and one of the most honorable men Kakashi had ever met. The way he examined Kakashi now, full of concern and warmth had the boy's heart clenching.

For that's what he was. A boy who'd carried too much for far too long. It didn't matter if his body was grown, his mind felt like it was never quite caught up. Maybe by the time he was 30 he'd feel better equipped to handle life. He hoped so. About to turn 21 and the world felt crushingly fast and full.

"Tell me how a boy who derided my cover story for years ended up needing a cover story of his own."

They spoke next to the warm misty pool. Sunlight filtered the leaves and disappeared early behind the mountain. He updated the spy master on everything from the past year. He gave his opinions, his fears. Kakashi was honest then like he rarely was honest with anyone. Jiraiya had proven trustworthy. He was the head of the little group Kakashi considered family. Crowded close with Mouse, his teams, and a few rare others. Everyone else got half-truths or evasion.

Was that normal? Probably not. It almost certainly would concern the Yamanaka therapist he kept sending a clone to. Clones after all could only hold so much of their originals, a smart nin could imbue the parts of himself into one. With enough, the clones could mimic someone well adjusted and stable. He'd figured that out when they'd threatened to pull him out of the ranks upon Minato's death. It's part of why Mouse kept such a close eye on him.

Aburame Yamato knew. Knew in a way which made Kakashi think he had done something similar himself. He understood a little too well to not be versed in it personally. Just like Jiraiya immediately picked up on his lie. Some men had been lying for so long and to such an extent they could see beneath the underneath. Kakashi told him of his new façade. He now had an Obito persona. It was another character to choose from. Another identity he was expected to uphold. Kakashi told the Sannin he wasn't sure which ones were most real anymore.

Jiraiya listened. He'd always been good at that. When all had been quiet except for the steam of the pool and the forest life around them for five minutes the Sannin prodded, "Does it bother you? Being Obito?"

"Sometimes I think it should. Maybe if I'd been allowed to be a normal person I would have loved reading under trees. We'll never know."

"People will think less of you."

"Just like they underestimate you."

Jiraiya grinned. It was a sharp, lonely, and sad thing. Even the man's teammates had bought the charade. Kakashi personally thought they weren't worth the friendship if they didn't give Jiraiya more credit. He was a standalone fighter and an amazing man. Steadfast, devoted, he would move the world for those he cared about. His teammates had left him. Kakashi moved from seiza and onto the ground. He held his crossed legs close to his chest. Jiraiya switched to sit with his butt in the dirt. Uncaring that his haori got dirty, Jiraiya leaned back and waited Kakashi out. This man knew the nature of society well. Kakashi's breath shuddered.

He wished people weren't so cruel. Only people were cruel, quick to lay their judgement on issues they only glanced at once, and quick to condemn. They'd blamed a single man for a war which had been brewing for years. They taunted him till he committed suicide. Then they'd gone after his young child. Kakashi knew what people were capable of, the depths they went. He'd become good at picking out the ones which matter and ignoring the rest.

Kakashi stared into the pool's mist. He could answer but he couldn't make eye contact just then.

Quiet he spoke, "People dismiss a civilian photographer as useless. People sneer at Friend Killer Kakashi. People are too afraid to speak in front of Inu. People want to degrade the Copy Nin. My clones get better marks in our counseling sessions than I do. What's a few more bad opinions?"

Reading porn in public and sometimes using genjutsu to keep people away from his napping spots didn't faze him or guilt him.

Kakashi had done so much worse under orders. People slowly began to forget he was the man who'd mastered 700 jutsu by the age of 16. When he was 12, Obito had just died, Kakashi was the first non-Uchiha with a functioning sharingan implant. The remains of Team Minato had been tasked with stealing jutsu. It was war. To kill an opponent and come away with their best weapons was largely why the other countries surrendered. That and the combined threat of meeting Minato Sensei and the Sannin on any given battlefield meant certain catastrophe for a thousand shinobi.

Foreign Kages were less willing to test Fire Country's borders after the first few massacres. He'd once followed the order to kill a thousand enemy nin and steal their jutsu. He'd been ordered to follow Minato Sensei onto the field and kill off anyone who tried to escape. If it took an Obito-level of obstinance to twist Hokage-sama's orders, then he was committed to doing so. Obito had always wanted to be Hokage but he was the last person they would have given it to.

Having to play act as his dead teammate for this purpose hadn't sat well with him. When he left the Hokage's office after the order and stood in the bookstore he found himself standing in front of the adults only section. The old woman at the counter gave him the stink eye since he first appeared in the store. She'd been glaring at him since he was a kid. Back then his shoulders weren't used to slouching, but he'd been commanded to slouch and find a book. Kakashi had looked between the glaring shop woman and the adults only section. Her glare got worse when he stepped forwards. She looked positively revolted when he stood before her counter reading the orange book he hadn't yet purchased.

"Hatake Scum. Give me my ryō."

"Hum, did you say something?"

"You!"

He left the store with a bag of the most notorious hentai and a successfully antagonized shop keep. His mask hid his smile. It was, he realized, not so bad to be Obito.

Better still, this was so drastically different from what Sarutobi intended for him. A man who hadn't tried to save his father and seemed just as willing to sacrifice the son. He'd bought a book and fell asleep in public. An order was an order. Kakashi's personal touch just made it twisted and memorable. There was no way he was going to be Hokage if he could help it. They'd have to be desperate to assign him.

The public porn reading habit remained the gem of his impersonation. Foreign shinobi who visited and saw him couldn't believe what they were seeing and the gossip spread. Walking around the village in his Jōnin uniform and orange book in pocket he looked as harmless as a Jōnin could be.

"What does your team think about it?" Jiraiya's question was innocent. As if his own team hadn't mocked him more than anyone else when he'd needed a persona.

"I'm lucky. They are more aware of what's going on than most."

"Oh?"

"Well, they thought my interpretation of the original command was inventive. If they weren't laughing so hard I'd say they were proud," Kakashi's lips twitched. He'd pulled his mask down and when he smiled the older man smiled back.

Team Ro thought the shift hilarious. It even got a smile out of Tenzo who typically had the humor of a brick. Genma teased he always knew he had it in him. Yūgao rolled her eyes and stated he'd not be getting half as many women, but the ones he did get might make up for it. Inu and Hatake Kakashi both smiled at that. For once they were in complete agreement.

He looked at Jiraiya and for the first time voiced his innermost thought out loud. The idea which wasn't encouraged in a military dictatorship.

"Maybe people are supposed to have many different facets. They don't fit easily into a molded role. Maybe that's the point."

Jiraiya smiled, "An ideal world would allow for it. An author. A spy master. A lover of everyone and everything."

Kakashi let his legs stretch out in front of him. His sandals touched the edge of the steaming pool. The mountain air chilled around them. Kakashi wanted that world, he realized. He wanted it desperately.

Shikamaru didn't know where ANBU headquarters were until they had been infiltrated. His dad wasn't on duty that night, but had been debriefed. A report in the same coded language the ANBU captain had used on the wall all those weeks ago. He took a copy then decoded it under his bed covers that night. He got up early, picked up Choji, who brought them both breakfast, and the two took such a long detour to the academy and a quarter kilometer in the wrong direction that Choji finished the food on the way.

When they got to the entrance which didn't look like anything special, Shikamaru pouted. A full-blown, grumpy, physical reaction to wishing he hadn't bothered. The building was perfect. Nothing wrong with it at all.

"Come on let's go."

Choji gave him a look but followed.

It was only when they passed the next alley did he see it. The door was taped off. Its blackened edges indicative of some burn or minor seal incorrectly removed. Shikamaru stumbled to a halt. It was the shadows standing on the roof above which solidified it in his mind. Those people in armor who all wore a genjutsu to look the same. Today it appeared as if they had large beetle designs painted on their masks. He looked at them, then let his eyes drift back to the door. He grabbed Choji's arm to stop him.

"You ok Shika?"

"Hai, I just realized something."

"Not even you can get everything immediately."

Choji, he knew, was right. He turned to his friend to ask, "Do you mind if I invite some others to have lunch with us today?"

Four hours later and sitting in the middle of the noisy play area, the shadow of the Konoha academy overhead, he invited Uzumaki to sit with them. It was a strategy he'd mulled over for all of morning classes. The more he thought about it his conviction solidified. He needed Uzumaki. The boy with the ANBU tail. The boy who snuck surprises on their Chūnin sensei for 4 months. The sensei were only just now beginning to figure it out. He was sneaky and kind and the Hyuuga girl would do anything the blonde said. Shikamaru needed Uzumaki for his plans to work.

So he invited Uzumaki to strategize with him and Choji. It... didn't go as planned. Not 3 minutes into his explanation and recruitment pitch, before he was loudly interrupted. 5 minutes after that more people wandered over and Shikamaru saw his board over crowding and his pieces rebelling. He saw it happening, but didn't have a plan to keep them in line.

He hadn't expected his little lunch group to grab attention. He hadn't expected Uzumaki being so loud. He hadn't expected Uchiha to follow, state how stupid this was, then swagger away. He hadn't expected Ino to follow with stars in her eyes. Uzumaki ran off, yelling after the Uchiha.

By the time he got back to the classroom he slumped in his seat. So much effort for no gain. Caring was exhausting. Why couldn't he stop caring? Why did the image of the pink haired girl on the ruined wall cling so vividly in his mind? Worse than a mistaken shogi move, it replayed and brought all kinds of uncomfortable thoughts about his village along with it. How the story didn't match what they'd said. How she'd saved maybe a lot more people than just that one Uchiha prodigy, and how they might throw her to the dogs for it. It replayed, so starkly different than the nice atmosphere of the academy and the kids deluded to think they weren't being trained to kill people.

She was a kid just like him, but she'd known. Haruno Sakura had been keen and aware. Shikamaru pouted when his lunchtime schemes fell apart. These kids couldn't take anything serious. Shikamaru sulked. He wanted his shogi partner back.

He stared at the scratched wood of his and Choji's table. It was better than staring at her empty chair. His mouth pinched hard in the corners and stinging water flooded the edges of his eyes. He sniffled, discrete enough so the boy beside him couldn't hear.

When class was about to start the empty chair next to him scraped on the floor. Shikamaru jolted. He stared in horror as a boy sat. His own teary eyes stared back at him, reflected in black glasses. The boy's face shifted forward. Shikamaru swallowed.

"You're upset. My kikaichū feel your emotional distress."

"That's Sakura's seat," Shikamaru couldn't get passed that. It was hers.

She saved an Uchiha from getting his eyes stolen. Oh yes, he'd read all about that from the Jōnin Hancho's desk once he'd figured out how to unlock it with shadows. He'd found the interrogation report of her and her parents. He'd found scribbled notes holding his otousan's concerns for the girl. His otousan's correspondence with the ANBU Commander were half written and waiting to be finished. It questioned their joint orders from the Hokage.

Remembering that the Hokage had called "the girl too much trouble". Oh. Just oh. It made Shikamaru's fists clench under his desk. That was her seat. She should be here. She shouldn't be blamed just to keep up a fake face to the village. It wasn't true. He wasn't going to let someone take her seat.

"I'm aware," Aburame's mouth just visible above the protective coat showed a hint of a smile.

He opened his mouth again, ready to rip into Aburame when the boy continued, "I remember her too. She was kind to me. Why? I am still trying to figure this out."

It strangled his response, "Ah."

Aburame didn't need a proper conversation partner to continue, "I heard you at lunch and believe I should assist."

His face tilted ever so. His glasses flashed fluorescent light. Shikamaru stiffened, his face still inconspicuous and wet. Neither boy said anything else before the Chūnin who'd been unlucky enough to be assigned as their sensei walked to their desk.

Shikamaru weighed the results. He'd lost an Uchiha and a Yamanaka, but he'd gained an Aburame. On the paper he never actually used for notes, the same sheet which had remained blank since Haruno Sakura was disappeared by their village leadership, he inked a simple kanji.

Arigatō.

He slid it over to the Aburame. When the boy's hands picked up the paper and gripped it, Shikamaru couldn't bear to look. He was so tired. His head had been whirring in circles and possibilities and escape schemes. It felt so heavy he had to rest it. Maybe it wasn't so bad to have another brain on this.