Hey folks! Emotions run wild as Lauren must face the consequences of her actions. Hope you enjoy!
Chapter 17 – Refaelation
The days went by without further incidents; Lauren had kept true to her oath and destroyed all remaining samples of Bo's blood, while she was waiting for the DNA sequencer to finish, which she expected any day now…
It was a cloudy Friday in September, when Bo ended her shift at the Cosy Corner. She'd handed the till over to her colleague covering the late shift, completed stock-take, and was about to head out the door, when her phone chimed. Immediately, her heartbeat quickened. She'd expected a text from Lauren, but it was only Lou, calling her back to confirm next week's work schedule. She sighed, deflated… and a little worried.
She headed to the back room to get the work business over with and left right after, throwing an absentminded "Bye!" at her boss as she stepped out the door into the chilly late September air. For the hundredth time today, she took out her phone, making sure she hadn't missed any calls or texts from her girlfriend, but the screen remained empty. Bo frowned. Now that she wasn't distracted by cakes and coffee and customers anymore, worry hit her like a freight train. She hadn't heard from Lauren since early this morning, when she'd kissed her goodbye at the door, before heading to the café, while the blonde went to the lab.
Bo knew from years of experience, that her wife tended to get so lost in her work that she sometimes forgot to answer Bo's texts or calls. But never for so many hours. Even during their most stressful times fleeing from murderous fae, they'd always kept in contact in some way… from using burner phones to the silliest things, like light signals behind a window.
In short, Bo knew something was off. And given what Lauren had confessed to her weeks ago, she was getting increasingly scared by the minute.
She considered heading straight to the lab, but that would take forever, because she wasn't part of the blonde's department. The guidelines for strangers entering the premises were strict and she was way too worried now to focus on thralling an army of security guards and random lab coats. She started walking, just to keep her legs moving and giving herself the feeling that she was doing something… anything. But the truth was that she was at a loss.
"Think", she huffed to herself, wrapping her coat more tightly around her body and stared at the phone. Out of sheer desperation, she started scrolling through her contacts, when a name caught her eye.
"Emily!", Bo exclaimed, startling a passer-by without noticing. She checked her watch. Emily was probably still at college, and contrary to Bo, she was a member of Lauren's university department. Without further ado, she dialled her number. It took six rings until the young woman finally answered.
"Hey… Bo? That you?" She sounded a little out of breath, which didn't help the brunette's general mood.
"Yeah, hey", she greeted her. "Is this a bad time? You sound like you're in a hurry."
"No, no, it's fine. I'm at the data centre, and someone just fried one of our servers… no fun!", she said with a little giggle that gave away her true feelings. Bo knew Emily loved a challenge, and someone "frying a server" certainly sounded like one. But right now, Bo didn't have the presence of mind to indulge in her tech babble.
"Oh, wow, sorry", she said, and before the young woman could start explaining to her all the details of what had gone sideways and what she was going to do to fix it, she continued: "Emily, have you heard from Lauren today? Like, at all?" She couldn't keep the concern from her tone, but at this point, she didn't care.
Emily immediately sensed her anxiety. "I haven't, actually, now that you mention it", she replied, seemingly deep in thought. "Have you called her?"
"Yes, and texted, but nothing. I haven't heard from her since this morning. I'm getting worried…"
"That is indeed strange", the other woman confirmed. "Hang on a sec…"
Bo heard typing noises. She had no idea, what Emily was doing, but she was one of the smartest people she knew – besides Lauren – so she kept her mouth shut and waited. A minute went by – one of the longest Bo had ever experienced – when Emily's voice chimed from the other end.
"Bo, you still there?" She'd lowered her voice and the beeping noises had faded to the background. Clearly, she'd moved to a more private space.
"Yes, I'm here. What did you do?"
"I checked our logs", the young woman said under her breath. "Not strictly supposed to do that, but you know, emergencies and all that…"
"And…?", Bo urged.
"Right, right. University logs say she checked out of the lab three hours ago."
"Oh, my god, three hours? But that's forever! Where could she be? Why won't she call me back?" Bo felt panic rise in her chest.
"Bo!", Emily called a lot louder than before. "Bo, I need you to focus now. Take a deep breath. Everything will be fine, got it?"
The brunette complied, inhaling deeply and then slowly letting out the air, so that Emily could hear. "Okay", she said after breathing in and out several times. "What do I do?"
"First of all, did you call the landline in your apartment?"
"Yes. She's not there… or at least she's not picking up."
"Well, go there anyway and see for yourself. Maybe the phone's just broken… or her battery died."
"Okay, what if she's not though? Can't you help me look?" Her tone was pleading.
Emily made a whining sound. "I can't, I'm sorry… I have to stick around to fix this mess… it's going to take me at least another… uh, probably two hours." She paused. "Anyway, just go and check all the spots, where you guys usually hang out. And if you don't find her, she'll likely be at our apartment. Come to the data centre; I'll give you my key card and keys, so you get in."
Bo exhaled in relief. "Thank you, Emily. Seriously. You're the best."
"No worries. And don't forget to tell me as soon as you know she's safe… which she will be, you hear me?"
Bo thanked her again and hung up the phone to start her search. As expected, she didn't find Lauren at her own apartment, and after checking several of their favourite spots in the park, as well as the Atlantis and even stopping by the Cosy Corner again, just to make sure, she met up with Emily to fetch her keys.
When she arrived at their apartment building, scared to death and panting, she rushed inside and ran up the stairs. But when she stopped in front of the door, she hesitated. What if Lauren wasn't here either? What if she would never find her? What if she'd lost her again? What if… A noise inside made her flinch and ripped her from her spiralling thoughts.
"Lauren?", she called, hastily fiddling with the key, until she managed to insert and turn it in the lock. She opened the door… and there she was. Lauren. Alive and, by the looks of it, uninjured.
But not well.
The blonde sat on the floor, her back leaned against the backrest of the sofa that adorned the lounge space of the shared apartment. Bo froze, taking in the scenery. As relieved as she was to find Lauren alive, she knew immediately that something was wrong. Her girlfriend was apathetically staring into space, hands limply resting by her sides on the floor. Her precious lab bag lay forgotten next to the entrance, carelessly discarded like rubbish. Not a good sign.
After quickly dropping Emily a text that she'd located her roomie, Bo got down on her knees to carefully approach the blonde. "Baby?", she whispered, trying to put all her love into this one word.
Lauren's head jerked to the side, and her eyes focussed on Bo. She'd obviously been crying, her face was puffy and red, and she looked like she'd just woken from a trance. But instead of finding comfort in Bo's presence, the sight of the succubus seemed to make her condition even worse. Her eyes filled with new tears, but to the brunette's endless relief, she reached out her arms, silently asking Bo to hold her. So, she did.
Lauren clung to her girlfriend, desperately sobbing into Bo's chest for a good ten minutes, before she managed to somewhat calm down. The brunette waited patiently, rocking her and holding her close, as she ceaselessly caressed her back.
"What happened?", she whispered, when the sobs had subsided.
Lauren's head hurt and she felt drained. Both, from crying and sitting on the hardwood floor for the last two hours or so… but mostly from the general awfulness of this day. Oh, how she wished now that she'd never stolen Bo's blood in the first place. She cursed her ghosts, or whatever those weird encounters all through her life had been, and she cursed her own insatiably curious mind for just… never knowing when to fucking stop.
She was sad. Angry. But mostly, she was exhausted. So, instead of answering, she chose to remain quiet, just lying in her perfectly wonderful girlfriend's arms for a little longer and delay confessing that she'd betrayed her. Again. In this moment, she hated herself so much that she wouldn't have been surprised if her despicable actions chased Bo away, and this time for good.
"You smell so good", she whispered after another few minutes of silent brooding. Her head was resting comfortably in the crook of Bo's neck, and she inhaled deeply. One last time.
Then, she moved away to a safe distance, in case the brunette decided that she no longer wanted to touch her and hung her head, as she started talking.
"I didn't stop", she confessed. "I promised I would, and I did… but one test was already processing, and I… I didn't stop it." She didn't dare to look up at Bo, but wasn't quite ready to be subjected to her anger either, so she quickly continued: "After I'd found those rare elements in your blood cells, I checked my own, but to no avail. Everything looked like it was supposed to, only… human. But I was so sure that I had to be special… I needed to be special. So, I conducted another test – a DNA test. I figured it was the only option I had left, and after you'd told me about your succubus nature, the opportunity seemed almost too perfect. I clung to it, Bo… I didn't even realise how much… That one idea… just one more test, I thought, and then, I'd finally have proof that those powers that I'd believed in my whole life were… real."
She paused to swallow the lump in her throat. Bo was still quiet, but from the corner of her eye, Lauren had noticed that she'd shifted into a more comfortable position. Which seemed like a good sign. She hadn't run off yet, so maybe…
Lauren chanced a glance. Bo was looking back at her, but to the blonde's utter surprise, her eyes held neither anger nor sadness. Slight disappointment, sure. But mostly, Bo's gaze was filled with compassion. And understanding?
Lauren frowned. "Why are you not yelling at me?", she whispered.
Bo gently wiped a tear from her future wife's face. Her initial, impulsive reaction had been anger, but it quickly evaporated, when she remembered the ridiculous number of secrets she was keeping from her. Besides, she probably knew Lauren better than the blonde knew herself in some ways, so her confession didn't exactly come as a surprise. It all sounded too familiar and Bo's heart was breaking for the doctor, because once again, she hadn't found what she'd been so desperately looking for. Just like in their old timeline, when she'd sought the help of fricking Hades himself to concoct a means to turn herself fae, so she and Bo could be together forever…
The succubus shook her head. "I don't enjoy yelling at people. Especially when they're this sad." She paused to tuck a strand of hair behind Lauren's ear. "Tell me, what you found", she quietly requested.
Lauren's lips quivered, and her eyes filled with new tears, but this time, she didn't allow them to fall. "Nothing", she whispered, hanging her head even lower than before. "Absolutely nothing." She sniffled. "I was so sure, Bo… that I possessed powers. I knew I would find proof. So, why didn't I?" She trailed off, remembering, what she had found, albeit not in her own DNA.
"By the way, it turns out you're not human. Did you know that?" She snorted in fake amusement, shaking her head as she realised that right here, on the floor in her tiny student apartment, she'd casually revealed one of the most revolutionary discoveries in the history of humankind. Humankind. Human. "I am though. Just an average human being. Nothing special." She sighed, all previous amusement gone. "I so desperately wanted to be special."
Bo was unsettled, to say the least. Of course, her genius, twenty-three-year-old future wife had unveiled Bo's best-guarded secret – just like that, in her free-time in a university lab. Not only had she apparently found and isolated the fae gene in one fell swoop – she'd also managed to drag herself down in the process. It was her Lauren all over again – the one from their old timeline, who'd tirelessly tried to save everyone and yet somehow still hated herself, because she felt like she wasn't doing enough… that she wasn't enough. Bo had always assumed that Lauren's self-esteem issues had arisen from years of exposure to seemingly superior beings with a god complex, but now it seemed like they were a lot older than that.
Not that it made much of a difference right now. Because no matter the timeline, she couldn't bear to see Lauren suffer like this. Witnessing her pain was as agonising now as it had been years ago, and she desperately wanted to make her feel better.
"But you are special, my love", Bo insisted, pulling her into her lap to hold her close. "So special. Even if you don't feel it… your work, it…" It's saved my life more times than I can count, she thought, frustrated once again that she couldn't say it out loud. "My powers are nothing by comparison", she said instead. "Your research is so important, baby. You're going to save so many lives, I know it. That is your power. You're a healer. You don't need any stupid ghosts to confirm your worth. You already are worthy."
As Lauren was listening to Bo's passionate speech, she fell for her even harder, if that was possible at this point. Somewhere, beneath all the nagging despair, she was grateful. For Bo's presence and her comforting words. And for having been fortunate enough to meet her in the first place. But none of that made her sadness disappear.
The brunette intently observed her girlfriend's beautiful features. She could tell that Lauren was trying her best to put on a brave face, but she knew her well enough to see right through it. At the moment, the doctor was beyond solace, so Bo resorted to holding her, gently rocking her back and forth, ignoring the pain in her leg muscles, which had grown sore from sitting on the floor all this time. She closed her eyes and gave Lauren a mild, calming pulse, which immediately relaxed her.
An old memory flashed through her mind… the two of them, sitting on the sofa at the Dal. That night, she'd pulsed Lauren, at her request, for the second time ever. It had felt wonderful, and not only for the blonde. Back then, for a hot minute, Bo had allowed herself to ignore the fact that they were surrounded by some very powerful fae, most of whom kept conveniently forgetting, that they all, at some point in the past, had sought out Lauren for help. Because of course they would. They couldn't possibly admit that with all those formidable powers they possessed, they might need the help of a lowly human. It wasn't in their nature. But the mere belief in one's superiority didn't make it true. And as far as Bo was concerned, they all were nothing but stuck-up arseholes. To this day, the thought of those ancient times made her angry.
"In fact, you're better than all fae I've ever met", she added under her breath, before she could stop herself.
Lauren shifted. "Fae? What's fae?"
Fuck. Well done, succubus.
Great. She'd done it again. Spilled something she shouldn't have. She was so tired of this crap… and honestly, too tired to care anymore. She sighed heavily and made a decision. Lauren had already found the gene, so what harm was there in giving it a name?
"I'm fae", Bo answered. "It's the name of my kind. My genus. That's what you detected in my DNA. You're right, I'm not human but…" She paused, looking into Lauren's eyes to really make her understand, what she was about to say. "I'm not the only one, baby. There are many different types of fae with far more dangerous powers out there…"
Dangerous.
There it was again… that word that seemed to return to them like a mantra. Lauren immediately grasped just how serious Bo was. She could see the fear in the brunette's eyes, whenever she mentioned it, and she believed her, she really did. But even if being reminded of it over and over again had left a lasting impression, it still didn't give her any clue as to why. What exactly were these powers Bo spoke of that made those other fae so dangerous? The succubus wasn't scary at all, so why were they? And why did she still not trust her with the whole truth?
Lauren huffed out a puff of air. "Bo…", she said, trying to get her conflicting emotions in check. "After that night, when you accidentally took my chi, you promised to never shut me out again. But you did… you are. I feel like you don't trust me at all." She interrupted herself as she felt a new array of sobs building in her chest. With the findings of her DNA tests still fresh in her mind, her composure was virtually non-existent, and she desperately needed her girlfriend to give her something – anything.
Bo regarded the blonde, and for the millionth time today, her chest cramped with emotions. On the one hand, she was aching for her, feeling her pain, but on the other, she felt cold fear tighten her throat. "I do trust you, baby", she quietly pressed forth, hanging her head. She knew in her heart that it was the truth. In fact, there was nobody else in the world, who she trusted more than Lauren. But there was so much at stake here. "You have no idea how much. I just… can't tell you any more. I've already said too much."
"Too much?", Lauren echoed with a dry chuckle, her tone similarly resigned. "You didn't say much of anything, Bo." She sighed, deflated, shaking her head. "What could be so dangerous that you can't even tell a single person? One who you claim you trust so much that you can't even put it in words? What kind of secret is that awful?"
Bo felt tears well up in her eyes. She was endlessly tired. Of lying to the love of her life. Of stressing about idiotic rules. And if she was totally honest, of Lauren's ever-present desire to go ever-further, faster, better. It was part of what had started this whole mess in the first place and Bo was sure she couldn't go through all that a second time… only to lose Lauren again.
Images flashed through her mind – of their first life together, and the gruesome way it had been stolen from them. The panic from before returned, mixing with the cruel memories of Lauren's bloody corpse and the hailstorm of emotions raging inside her chest. "The kind that could kill you", she pressed forth between ragged breaths. "The kind that did kill you, for god's sake." This time, she didn't have the strength nor willpower to care about the possible consequences of what she'd just said.
Lauren frowned, her own despair temporarily forgotten. "What are you talking about?", she asked, carefully taking her girlfriend's shaking hand.
"Gone… you were… and I… too late… my fault…", Bo babbled as she clung to Lauren like an anchor and stared at each of her wife's fingers, as if she needed to make very sure that she was still here with her. But the feeling of desperate terror wouldn't subside. Haunting images crashed down on her in nightmarish detail – Lauren's blood-stained, grey, lifeless face, the gaping hole in her belly. The brunette's breathing became heavy, and her eyes grew distant and lost, as her whole body started shaking even more violently.
She was showing all signs of a full-blown panic attack, and immediately, Lauren clicked into doctor mode. Without a second thought, she climbed off her lap, cradling her in her arms, as she grabbed both of her hands to offer her guidance. Almost impassively, Bo let everything happen, but her breathing remained irregular and hitched.
"Baby, stay with me", Lauren urged. Her girlfriend's sudden distraught state had thoroughly grounded her, ripping her back to reality, where the overeager scientist in her had no say. Right now, all she wanted was Bo to be happy again. "C'mon, breathe with me", she said, gently rocking her back and forth, just like the brunette had done with her minutes ago. She inhaled deeply, watching with some satisfaction that Bo was doing as requested, and then slowly exhaled again.
To say she was feeling bad would've been an understatement. "I'm sorry, baby", she whispered. "I'm sorry for pressuring you. I won't ask any further, I promise." In that moment, she really believed it. Nothing in the world was worth seeing Bo this shaken and if her destiny was to never find out anything beyond what she already knew, she'd learn to cope with that.
After Bo had somewhat calmed down, they moved to the sofa, where they cuddled and quietly talked until Emily came home. The three ended up spending a peaceful evening chatting, enjoying crappy TV and ordering in. The young woman was her usual bubbly self, which helped both Bo and Lauren process the exhausting events of the day. But even though Emily managed to turn the mood around, and Lauren vowed several times to stop conducting any further research in fae matters, Bo knew that this was not going to be the end at all. Far from it.
If anything, tonight had been nothing but the highly alarming beginning. And a harsh wake-up call. Because despite her most solemn promises, in the long run, Lauren wouldn't be able to help her curiosity. A trait which, without a doubt, drove Bo up the walls sometimes. But oddly enough, it was also one of the reasons she'd so hopelessly fallen for the doctor in the first place. It was a simple fact. One she could no longer ignore.
If today had revealed anything to Bo, then that there was only one way to handle this. It was inevitable. But first, she needed to talk to the doctor's mother.