Bucky was barely aware of what was happening. He knew that Jenny was being ushered out of the house by paramedics. He stretched his arm toward her but she was gone. He knew someone was pressing on his chest after they'd pulled the knife from it. The one good thing about the serum coursing through his veins, was that even though things hurt worse, he could feel his super-charged white blood cells already doing their work to plug up the unwanted holes in his body. His head started to clear as well. He rolled it on the floor toward Steve. Standing between them was Sam.

Bucky pushed against the paramedic dressing his wound.

"Sir, please…" she said.

"No." Bucky urged himself off the floor and stumbled toward the bed. Sam moved and Bucky felt the adrenalin kick back in. His heart shattered. Steve lay in the bed, his eyes closed and mouth agape. He was gone. Bucky laid his head on Steve's chest and cried. For Minutes? Hours? Days? He wasn't sure. A hand gripped his shoulder. Finally Sam pulled him up and embraced him, moving him through the parlor, back behind the stairs to a spare bedroom.

Bucky sat on the bed and breathed. In, out, in, out all while Sam waited patiently in the chair next to him.

…

"I'm alright," said Bucky an hour later.

"Like hell. You're going to the hospital," said Sam pointing at him. He hadn't said much since he pulled Bucky into this back room.

"I'm fine. Just… Jenny… Is she…?"

"She's at the hospital. I'll get you access."

Bucky stared down at his hands. "Not yet."

Sam pursed his lips. "Why not? Aren't you two…?"

"She's a super soldier Sam."

Sam grit his teeth. "Did you know?"

"I didn't know. Max activated her."

"What happened?" he asked.

"The scene was pretty self-explanatory..."

"Don't pull that crap. I want to hear it from you. Words."

Bucky nodded. He gave Sam the rundown while Sam listened leaning forward on his elbows.

"Are you angry I kept Steve from you?" asked Bucky after a long silence.

"Of course I am. But we'll get to that."

The guilt of the last twenty four hours suddenly pressed on Bucky's chest like a ten ton weight. "I need to get out of here. I need to go."

"Buck…"

"I can't be here right now. I've screwed everything up. Everything. I have nothing…"

Sam folded his arms and scoffed. "Nothing he says…"

"I didn't mean…"

"Yeah you did. And I'm going to ignore your insult because I know you're hurting. But will you finally get this through your thick cyborg brain? I'm here for you no matter which relationship. You're stuck with me."

"Sam…"

"Don't go back into your dark hole. We're in this together." Sam's voice caught and Bucky looked up at him. He'd never seen Sam choked before. "I need you. Ok?" said Sam with his thumb pressed into his chest. "You and Sarah and the boys are all I have."

Bucky stared at him for a long time, the dynamic between them shifting. For so long Steve and Sam were the strong ones. The one's who knew what to do. He was the screw up. The broken one. As he looked up into a face also broken by grief, finally he understood, not just knew, he wasn't alone. For the first time he felt on a level playing field. He could give something this time, not just take.

Sam pulled him up from his seat and embraced him. Bucky didn't slap his back in macho bro-ness. It wasn't that kind of a hug. It was family. It was brothers. It was belonging.

"For the record," said Bucky finally pulling away. "You're all I have too."

"Yeah well when Sarah asks," said Sam, "we never had this conversation."

"What conversation?"

Sam smirked. "Come on, let's get you to the hospital. I know you'll want to see Jenny."

Bucky sat back down on the bed. "It's over Sam. We can't do this."

"Why the hell not?"

Bucky closed his eyes. He had seen good bye in her face. Now she knew the darkness. She knew what was inside him. "Did you not hear me? She's a super soldier. She attacked me. She almost killed Steve."

"But she didn't. She came out of it."

"You don't know the darkness that goes along with it. You don't know what lurks inside."

Sam pulled up a chair and sat down in front of him. "So this is about you."

Bucky looked away.

"Let me get this straight," said Sam. "You can forgive her for being Alexander Peirce's granddaughter but you can't forgive her for being the same as you?"

"How did you know about the captor… Alexander?"

"I checked up on her like you asked. But you told me to drop it, which made me realize you'd fallen hard. What, you think I just ignore you?"

Bucky shot him a glare. "This isn't funny Sam. This is the opposite of funny."

"Buck. It's time to forgive yourself."

"You and Jenny know nothing about what it's like to see those faces, right before death." His lip started to quiver. "Staring at you in terror. Wanting so badly to save them but knowing it's your own body that's about to drain the life from their eyes."

Sam stared at him for a long time. "I can see now I've done you a disservice," said Sam shaking his head. "I pushed you to move on. You can't until you take this last step."

Bucky gritted his teeth. "Don't tell me what I have to do. I have to shut it down."

"The codes are gone. Steve's gone now. You found someone who's willing to accept all of you. You've punished yourself enough. It wasn't your fault."

"Someone has to be punished…"

"The bad guys Buck. The bad guys. You. You're the good guy."

"I can't even have a normal relationship."

"You can."

"I need time…"

"Then take it."

The doorknob creaked. Both Sam and Bucky stood, Bucky grunting, though his blood had coagulated at the stab wound. The door opened and a woman walked in, black hair in a high bun with a midnight purple streak running through it. She was dressed in all black, coat sinched at her waist, down to her expensive black pumps.

Bucky glanced at Sam, but he looked just as confused as Bucky. She stopped in front of them, leaning on her hip. She eyed them up and down assessing and clicked her tongue as the silence dragged.

"Hello boys," she said.

Bucky and Sam looked at each other and back at her.

"And you are?" asked Sam.

She winked at Sam and handed Bucky a card. He took it staring at a blank square.

"Valentina Allegra de Fontaine," she said. "But you can call me Val. Or actually don't."

"And what exactly do you want?" asked Sam.

"You're being called up for a mission," she said turning to Bucky.

"I don't think so," said Bucky handing back the card. No more shadow agencies, no more missions. He was done.

"That's cute, but it's not a request," she said handing him a dossier.

He opened it, and his stomach dropped. "Shit."

Sam grabbed it from him and read over it. "I can get rid of this," he said to Bucky. "I can make it go away."

"You've got a lot of power Cap, but," said the woman clicking her tongue with a sardonic shrug. "I have more."

Bucky took the folder back and read over it again. He looked up at her with steely eyes. "On one condition. We stop at the hospital. I have a hole in my chest. And I need to talk to someone."

She considered him, her gaze narrowed. He had a feeling she was just toying with him, and it was something she enjoyed doing.

Finally she shrugged. "Eh. Alright. Say your goodbyes."