Chapter 23: Let Go

I returned to that room from time to time. It wasn't like I deliberately chose to, rather it was like my steps naturally guided me there. A high-grade ID would usually be needed to access the room, but they were no longer necessary in the situation Chaldea was in, so the doors simply opened the moment I stood in front of them.

It was freezing inside. The sliding doors blasted me with a chilling wind though that was to be expected. The forty seven people sleeping inside the cryostasis capsules, all the Master candidates that were supposed to save the world alongside me needed it that way.

I walked among them in the cold, dark hallways, looking at their faces like I had done so many times before, searching for answers they couldn't give me, leaving my question always hanging in my mind. I didn't know much about them, but I always wondered if we could have been friends. Surely fighting side by side would have brought us together as a team, just like it did with my Servants and me.

"Team…" I muttered listlessly while gazing at a particular section of the facility. I kept walking.

Most of the masters sleeping here were magi of the Mage Association, and some others were ordinary people just like me that happened to have the potential of a Master. And then, there were a group of magi that were considered 'special', the so-called A-Team.

Kirschtaria Wodime, Ophelia Phamrsolone, Kadoc Zemlupus, Scandinavia Peperoncino, Hinako Akuta, Beryl Gut, and Daybit Sem Void.

Before Lev Lainur's betrayal, these seven Masters were supposed to be the spearhead of Chaldea; they were exceptional magi that would lead the salvation of the human order. But even with all their merits, that responsibility ended up falling on a no-name like me.

I stared in silence at the little pieces of their features I could look at from outside. Their faces, however, didn't tell me anything. They never did. It was the same every time I came here; I couldn't help but stare at these seven people. The same question that always crept in my mind resounded ever so louder. It was one that I had tried burying multiple times in the past, but always resurfaced.

"What would have happened if they were in my place, and I was the one sleeping inside the coffin?"

A powerful bright light made me open my eyes, only to be quickly blinded a second later. Intense sun rays came through the window and landed directly on my face as if it was a cruel joke.

"Is it morning already?" I covered my eyes, hoping to shield them from the sunlight, while a deep yawn escaped my mouth; I still felt a bit sleepy.

I tried to move my body to sit when I was reminded that I didn't go to sleep alone last night. Formidable was still on top of me, sleeping like a baby; in fact, her mouth was hanging open, letting a fine line of drool fall on my shirt.

What a bizarre view.

"Formidable." I shook her a bit. "It's morning, time to wake up."

"Uhhh." She released some kind of weird groan. "Five…more…minutes…"

What was I, her mother?

"I would gladly let you continue sleeping, but someone might get the wrong idea if they see us like this first thing in the morning."

Her answer was a nondescript groan that was rather cute in a goofy way. The carrier eventually raised her face to look at me, her eyes were half closed and clearly sleepy, if the trail of drool, droopy expression and absolute mess of a hair were not enough evidence (some of which was sticking to her mouth); it was quite amusing to see her like that, actually.

Formidable's eyes met mine, but she didn't recognize me immediately. In many ways, she lacked grace, but it was oddly fitting somehow. The torpor slowly left her. "Commander…?"

"Good morning." I had to hold myself back from grinning. "Did you sleep well?"

"Commander…" She repeated with a lazy, relaxed smile, but I was able to grasp every instant of that nonchalant, drowsy expression switching gears into alarm. "C-Commander!"

Formidable shot straight up with superhuman speed, kicking herself off the bed and dropping to the floor in a loud thud.

"Uh, are you oka-"

She got up in a flash. "This… this is…" She quickly tried to regain her composure by arranging her hair and rubbing her face, an effort that was utter and completely fruitless. "I… we…"

She stared at me with an expression that went through indignation, surprise and embarrassment in succession then somehow combined them all together into one.

"Excuse me!"

And with that, she ran towards the bathroom.

"And that's the reason I considered it appropriate to accompany your last night, Commander." Said Formidable, a cup of tea in her hand, with no traces left of what happened just half an hour ago. No one would ever believe me if I told them that the dignified lady in front of me was not, in fact, a morning person. The Formidable that came out of the washroom was just not the one who went in.

"I see." I brought my own cup to my lips. We got ourselves a green tea box from the base's cafeteria, which Formidable insisted on preparing for the two of us. Despite not doing anything special, to my knowledge at least, it turned out quite well and certainly a lot better than the tea I usually prepared. "To think my nightmares would be so noticeable…"

My voice trailed off. I knew how bad my dreams could get, but it was the first time someone was there to experience them from the other side. I looked to Formidable again, hoping my smile conveyed fully my gratitude. "Thanks for keeping me company."

"B-but of course, Commander." She said, her face turning a deep shade of red. "You are my ally; this was nothing!" She raised her cup to her lips, but stopped before the cup touched them. She looked wistfully at her distorted reflection on the greenish liquid, face still red, but gaining a semblance of tenderness. "It's the least I can do for you, Commander."

"Probably more than I deserve." A dry laugh escaped my throat. "I have been a failure as a Commander so far. I couldn't do anything to help you out there, and I even lost my cool when the communication cut off."

"No. I was the one that panicked and didn't fight as well as I should have." She lowered her cup and her head. "If someone it's to blame, then that's me."

"You were alone and fighting against an unknown enemy. I would never pin the blame on you, Formidable." I shook my head. "It was my fault that you were put in that situation, I should have done more for you as your Commander." I placed my cup on the table. "The truth is, I was still unsure about my position in the Royal Navy." I stood up and approached her to see her face-to-face. "But not anymore. Just wait, I'll become the Commander you all deserve."

"Commander…" She met my gaze with a small smile on her face. "Don't make me wait for too long, then."

"I promise."

I have decided to give my all for these girls; just like in Chaldea, I would take the mantle of 'savior' again, no matter how loosely that title fits me. I would do it, even if it meant doing things I didn't want to do.

Even if it meant sacrificing what I had built these past years.

"I knew it. The moment you crossed that door, I knew whatever you had to say would ruin my day." Marcia closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. She looked like she hadn't slept in days, and knowing how things had been, it was probably true. Marcia threw herself back in her chair with an irritated, tired groan. "And still, you managed to surpass my expectations. Do you understand the implications of what you just told me?"

"Sadly, I do. To be spied on by one foreign government is a serious matter, but to be attacked directly by another's secret weapon is a completely different thing."

"This won't be just a war against alien creatures anymore, but against our fellow men." I could feel the powerlessness in her voice. "Are you sure it was not a Japanese prototype?"

"You will have to ask Formidable for the finer details, but she was adamant about the difference in their uniforms and general aspect. So I would say that the possibility of her being a shipgirl of a different country is quite high."

I didn't mention the names I heard in the Siren's dream as I lacked proof that they were involved or even existed.

Marcia remained in silence for a few seconds, deep in thought.

"I have to report this to High Command. We have to prepare countermeasures against a possible threat from foreign prototypes." She stood up and made way towards the door. "Perhaps the higher-ups in the government can talk this out before it can evolve into something far more serious."

I grabbed her arm when she passed by me, stopping her.

"What are you-!?"

"You know what we have to do, Haydes." I said, our eyes meeting. "Let me wake them up, you know I can do it."

"…The prototypes? We are taking care of them already, you have seen it."

"I can heal them quicker with my magic; just give me direct access to them." Depending on their individual state, I might be able to fully heal two, or maybe three of them before passing out.

"And how do you expect me to explain that wounds that would normally take at least a month are suddenly cured within a week?" She closed in and added in a whisper. "Or do I need to remind you that your powers are supposed to be a secret?"

"No one needs to know." I firmly held. "You are the Commander, I am sure you can figure something out to make everyone leave and give me some time alone with them."

"That's a dangerous game you are playing." She looked at me seriously. "There is only so much I can do to hide you, Fujimaru; and I am sure people in the base are already questioning your presence here. You aren't the only one who would take the fall if you get caught doing your magic trickery out in the open. You understand that, right?"

"I know, but we have to do it. Formidable is in no state to fight and even if she were, I would not send her alone again. This is me looking at the bigger picture, Haydes. We… No, this entire country needs the Royal Navy to survive, and not just one or two, all of them."

She didn't say anything for a while, clearly mulling over my words. As someone who had seen what the Sirens were capable of with her own eyes, I was sure she understood what I was getting up. The question was how far she was willing to back me up.

"…How can you be sure that they aren't going to rebel again once you wake them up?"

"I'll make sure they won't."

"That sounds ominous coming from you, yet for some reason, it feels like something you'll be able to pull off." She sighed tiredly. "I won't promise anything, but I'll see what I can do."

Her eyes moved toward my hand. "Now, can you release me or do I have to call security?"

"Sorry." I did as she asked.

"You better be. I think I am going to develop chronic headaches from dealing with you." She massaged her temples. "Dying by the Sirens or dying because of you, I am doomed either way."

So she said, and somehow, it didn't feel like a joke.

Our time between singularities was limited. Solomon's plan had to be stopped as soon as possible, and everyone in Chaldea worked tirelessly to accomplish that goal for the sake of the human order. But that didn't mean that we didn't have some free time every now and then. We still celebrated things like Christmas and New Year's; it was good for morale according to Da Vinci and frankly, Roman needed a few days off to stop falling asleep in the command center.

One such holiday was Valentine's Day, funnily enough, and it was almost entirely accepted by Chaldea staff and Servants alike despite the widely different backgrounds among us. I even received a few chocolate boxes from some of them, though I was sure they were mostly done out of courtesy.

However, there was a certain person I was eagerly waiting to see that day.

"Senpai."

"M-Mashu, hello!" I opened the door of my room to let Mashu in as she wanted us to meet in private. "H-how are you doing? Are you enjoying Valentine's?"

I tried my best to hide my excitement, but I was sure my voice was shaking a bit.

"Of course! Seeing everyone working so hard to show their gratitude to each other is frankly inspiring." I could see a blush on her face even when she looked to the side. "I… actually wanted to do the same with you, Senpai."

"Ah? No, no! I am the one that should be grateful to you." I lowered my tone. "I don't think I would be here if it wasn't for you, Mashu…"

The room felt silent as we both were too embarrassed to speak.

"Even though I really want to show you my true feelings Senpai, so…" She raised her gaze to meet mine and she continued. "Can I ask you something?"

"Ah? Sure!" I was expecting to receive her chocolates but apparently, it was a different matter. Could it have gotten my hopes up too soon? "You can ask me anything, Mashu!"

"Then, Senpai, can you…" She paused for a bit, seemingly nervous. "Can you tell me why you didn't come back?"

I stood still.

What?

"Why I didn't… come back?" As soon as those words left my mouth, I felt a strange sensation deep in my chest. I opened my mouth to try to speak, but I found myself repeatedly breathing in quick succession, and no voice came out. All air left me, and I was left gasping for it, as if my trachea had been suddenly closed by an invisible force and I couldn't get any oxygen in my lungs. Mashu's expression had changed; gone were all nerves and bashfulness that were so familiar and comforting.

"You should have been able to come back, you are the savior of humanity after all." Mashu continued unperturbed, her anxious tone had been replaced by a cold edge. "So why didn't you come back?"

"I… I… I tried-I really tried, but… gah-!" I barely managed to push the words out through my suffocation. I fell on my knees.

"You promised that you would return, and we would do a lot of things together." The room around us was engulfed in a dark haze. "But you disappeared. And now you live in a different world, with different people at your side."

My vision began swimming. I barely made out the sight of Mashu kneeling in front of me, but I couldn't see her face.

"Why aren't you trying to return? Have you given up? Why didn't you come back?" Her voice echoed in my head and resounded in my mind. "We were waiting for you. Why didn't you come back? You promised you would return. Why didn't you come back? Why didn't you come back? Why didn't you come back? Why didn't you come back?

Why

didn't

you

come

back?"

"I... I… I did everything-I could…" My limbs and body grew heavy, and Mashu's faceless, cold form towered over me as I began to sink into the ground, as the black smoke grew ever thicker. "I wanted to… come back… I really wanted to!"

And I so fell into the infinite darkness.

"Master!"

"I wanted to come back!" I shouted as my eyes opened, but there were no longer any signs of Chaldea or Mashu around me, instead, I found the worried expression of a certain maid.

"Belfast...?" My breath was still agitated, but I could clearly see that I was on the military base, lying on the maid's lap. Yes, I remembered now, I lost consciousness after the latest session of healing Sheffield.

What I saw…it had been nothing but a nightmare.

"I apologize for waking you like this, but you seemed in pain."

"It's fine, it wasn't a pleasant dream." To have tarnished my Valentine's Day with Mashu like that... my nightmares were getting worse. "Sorry to have shown you such pathetic sight, Belfast."

She shook her head as if that didn't matter to her.

"No, it's alright." Belfast gave a smile of sincere relief. "I am just glad to see you again, Master."

"I feel the same." And I, too could do nothing but smile. "I missed you, Belfast."

"Ahem." Unfortunately, our reunion was interrupted by the sound of someone clearing her throat beside us. "You two are not alone, you know?"

In an instant, I raised my head from Belfast's lap and stood up to see Marcia, looking at us with a mixture of irritation and exhaustion.

"Haydes, how's Sheffield? Has she woken up as well?" I asked, completely ignoring that she had just seen me and Belfast in a less than professional situation.

"She has awakened, yes." She sighed and added in a tired tone. "Not in the most receptive mood, however."

"She needs time." Belfast interceded. "Seeing Her Majesty like that was…" Her voice trailed off. "…tough for her. I am sure she will be fine in a couple of days."

"What about you, Belfast? How are you holding up?" I turned to her.

"Thanks for worrying about me, Master, but I am fine." She said, in a somewhat forced tone. "I can't deny that I am still a bit shaken, but as the Head Maid, I must put my duties first." With that said, she stood beside me and looked at me with a serious gaze. "And as the protocol indicates, in the absence of the Queen, the leadership of the Royal Navy falls on you now, Master." She bowed practically at ninety degrees towards me. "In the name of the Maid Corps, I shall await your orders, Commander."

The room fell silent. I gave a side glance to Marcia, who was looking at me, arms crossed as if judging what my next move would be.

"Raise your head, Belfast." She did as I told her. "We are to remain on standby, the Royal Navy is not in a position to do much anyway." I shot a glance at Marcia again. "We are going to collaborate with the British government for the time being, understood?"

"Understood, Master."

"Also..." I moved closer to her, and spoke in a way Marcia couldn't hear us. "Don't be too hard on yourself, please." Even if she didn't want me to worry, I knew far too well how she must be feeling. "Elizabeth is alive and that's all that matters. You can ask for forgiveness once she wakes up, okay?"

"Yes… Master." She lowered her head towards me in a solemn bow.

I patted her shoulder gently and then walked away towards the door.

"Where are you going?" Marcia shot at me.

"To see Sheffield."

"Didn't you hear? She doesn't want to see anyone, you are wasting your time."

"Sheffield hadn't wanted to see me since the moment we first met." A crooked smile appeared on my face. "We get along like that, you see."

And with those words, I left the room.

"Such arrogance." Marcia continued after Fujimaru had left the room. "I still don't understand how you can follow someone like him, Belfast."

"Well, it wasn't by choice at first, but Master has proven to be quite resourceful. He saved all of us after all; something even I couldn't do." There was a painful undertone behind those words, it had been her Master who saved everyone instead of her or any of the maids.

'It should have been the other way around.' The head maid couldn't help but think that.

"It's only because of those powers, that 'magic' of him." Marcia was getting pissed for a reason even she didn't fully understand, so she tried her best to not show it. "Do you know anything about them, Belfast?"

The maid shook her head.

"I do not, and I if I knew, I am not sure I would be allowed to tell you, Marcia."

Haydes shot her an accusing glare

"You were more loyal before." There was a certain resentment in her voice.

"My apologizes." Belfast bowed her head a bit. "Even if I am no longer your direct subordinate, I still consider you my first friend."

"A friend…" Marcia repeated that word in her mind, it carried a strange feeling with it. "So you don't hate me? Even after all I did?" She was sure Sheffield hated her and suspected that the other prototypes she knew felt similarly. Wasn't it the same for Belfast?

The maid's answer came in the form of a smile.

"I do not. We had our orders, and we followed them as best as we could, but that's all in the past. Her Majesty is in no position to lead another coup and Master and you seem to be on friendly terms. I have no reason to hold a grudge against you, Marcia."

While her words reassured Marcia, she couldn't help but pick up on a certain part.

"Friendly terms? He and I?" Marcia couldn't help but chuckle. "I didn't know you had such a sense of humor, Belfast."

"Oh, am I wrong?" Belfast tided her head. "You two seem to get along quite well compared to when you imprisoned him."

"We made a deal, reluctantly." Marcia sighed. "Doesn't mean we suddenly became best friends."

"Maybe you should give him a chance. He can be quite kind, even if it doesn't appear at first."

"Kind? He's brought me nothing but trouble since he appeared."

"He also encouraged me to help you."

"…what?"

"When Her Majesty ordered your execution, it was Master the one who saw my internal turmoil and convinced me to help you escape." The maid pretended to be deep in thought. "Who knows what would happen if he hadn't, I wonder?"

"Wait…does that mean…?"Marcia couldn't finish, as the realization suddenly hit her in full force.

"Yes." Belfast smiled, and Marcia could swear she was enjoying her plight way too much. "You technically owe him your life, in part."

Marcia's day really couldn't get any worse.

"I thought you would be here. There aren't many places to be alone in this building after all." I stepped into the rooftop, closing the door being me.

Sheffield quickly turned her head to me, her stern glare was initially one of hostility, but it faltered ever so slightly once she recognized who I was; eventually she disregarded my presence and returned to watch the sunset. She was sitting on the corner of the rooftop, her legs hanging in the air. She had yet to be back in her maid uniform, still being clad in a simple white dress, and her hair flew freely into the wind.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, keeping her back to me.

"I was looking for you. It's been a while since we last talked."

"Leave. I have nothing to say to you."

"Is that so? I thought you would at least thanks me for saving your life. Or are you even above basic courtesy?"

I got no response; she really wasn't in the mood for our usual banter. I gave up on pursuing the usual approach and silently took seat next to her, watching over the golden sun giving its last lights for the day.

"You really don't know when to give up, pest."

"That's what I am told." A weak smile appeared on my smile. "If I am really bothering you, then I will leave."

"You are." She grunted crudely. "Disappear from my sight."

"Alright, I will but… can I say something first?"

She eyed me with an annoyed, cold stare.

"You will do it even if I say no."

"You know me better than I thought." I chuckled.

"Regrettably." She sighed resignedly. "Go on."

I didn't begin immediately. What was about to say wasn't exactly an easy topic for me, but if my words could help Sheffield, then I had no choice but to suck it up and force them out of my mouth.

"I failed the person I loved the most." I started, my chest already ached with just those words. "I wanted nothing more than to protect her, but I failed, and she ended up paying the ultimate price."

I could still see her, smiling at me just seconds before Goetia's Noble Phantasm robbed her life.

"For years, I blamed myself. To an extent, I still do." I continued. "There isn't a single sleepless night I don't think of that day. I have run thousands of different scenarios in my head, thinking what I could have done differently. I was so sure it was my fault that maybe, if I had acted in a different way, she would still be alive. It wasn't until recently that I realized those thoughts were meaningless; none would ease my pain or my guilt. What was done was done, and no matter how much I want it, I can't go back in time."

Sheffield kept her stern expression but didn't say anything. I decided to continue.

"What I really wanted, no, what I really needed was to speak with her again, one last time, to tell her how sorry I am, how much I love her, and how grateful I still am for even meeting her." I caressed the back of my hand. That warmth I felt when I awakened Lord Camelot for the first time… I would never forget about it. "Alas, it's impossible for me to do any of that. But not for you, Sheffield. You failed, yes, but Elizabeth is still alive. You can bow your head and ask for forgiveness if you want and promise to be better next time. All of you maids still have the chance to do so. So take it, because I can't."

Sheffield didn't answer, remaining with her face to the front; the powerful rays of the setting sun made her amber eyes appear to glow in an orange color. She didn't show a thing in her expression, and I knew firsthand how hard it was to make stubborn people reach out.

"I just wanted to say that, sorry for bothering you." I kicked my legs back and turned around to stand up, but was stopped when she grabbed me by the arm, her grasp intense at first but quickly fading with each second.

"So you're just going to drop your entire life story and then leave? Talk about being self-centered." The words were scalding as usual, but her voice lacked the sardonic tone it usually had, there was no force behind her mocking.

I didn't say anything and sat back, waiting for her to talk when she was ready, our legs dangling on opposite sides of the building's edge, but both of us being basked in the warmth outside.

"I hated you, you know." She said.

"That implies you don't hate me anymore."

"I still kind of hate you, but for different reasons. What I despise the most is not you in particular, but humanity. I couldn't forgive what they did to us, and I could never understand why Belfast was content with serving a human Commander, even less why Her Majesty wanted to have them as her vassals. It's utter nonsense." She admitted caustically. "But I followed my orders, because that is what I'm meant to do, to fulfill my role as a Royal Maid without asking questions."

Sheffield pulled her knees close to her chest, her hands trembling. Her eyes met my own again, looking at me with a judgmental stare.

"But then you appeared, and everything got upside down." Her voice was now neutral. "You came out of nowhere and triumphed over the Sirens while I was soundly defeated by them. Even worse, those humans I deemed as useless ended up saving my life and, more importantly, the life of Her Majesty." She clenched her hands against her bare legs. "How can I face Her Majesty after that? How could I promise to protect her this time around, when am I not fit to do so?"

"Don't you want to protect her?"

"Of course, I want to. That's my role as a Royal Maid."

"Then do it, and if you see yourself lacking, rely on your companions. There is only so much you can do by yourself. I know that very well." I reasoned, my own memories of the countless battles resurfaced, none of which were won by a single person's effort, human or otherwise. Hell, my whole continued existence in this world was not of my own resolve, after all. "You don't have to do everything by yourself, Sheffield. You have the entire Royal Navy supporting you. And of course, you have me as well. I want you to see me not as a human who just happened to help you, but as your Commander protecting our own faction."

Sheffield observed me as if trying to discern if my words were genuine. Her grip on her legs relaxed.

"That's another thing I hate, I can't ever figure you out." She sighed. "The only thing I know for certain is that you have seized control of the faction, and if you betray us now, it will be the end of us."

"But I can also be your greatest ally if you allow me to." I extended my arm to her, offering a handshake. "I might not look like it, but I actually saved the world once, you know?" I said, laughing at my own words.

Sheffield looked at me with an expression that better matched her usual demeanor, yet ever slightly… warmer and softer.

"I am still not sure if you are completely delusional or if you can actually back any of those claims." She extended her hand, finally accepting the handshake. "Guess I have to stick out with you to figure out which one it is… Master."

That particular word felt different now, and though it might have been my imagination, I wanted to believe that I saw an honest smile on Sheffield's face for a couple of seconds for the first time since I've known her.

"You are still a pest in my eyes, however." She said as if the reminder was necessary.

"I wouldn't have it in any other way." I laughed.

"A pest that can be reliable sometimes." She added, in a low tone.

"Whaaaat? Sorry, I didn't hear that." I lied in singsong.

"Keep that up and you'll regret it." She finally turned her legs into the building and stood up, dusting her dress and promptly taking steps towards the door with renowned spirits.

I chuckled and tried to stand up as well to follow her.

"Wait." However, she stopped me.

"What's wrong?"

"Have you told anyone else about your past?" She asked all of a sudden.

"My past? Not really, only to you and mostly because you forced me to."

"I didn't force anything." She argued.

"You had a gun to my face."

"I didn't force this tidbit."

"Give me back my goodwill, then." I chuckled, glad to have her in a better mood.

"But I see, so it's a secret." She brought a hand to her chin as if she was thinking of something. Something was clearly turning inside her head. "Having said that, I can't bear with the idea of owing you more than I do, so I shall disclose a personal secret of mine. That should even the scales if only a bit in my favor."

"It's not really necessary for you-"

"It is necessary. I will not be at peace until we are even."

"…alright, if that's what makes you feel better, be my guest." She was adamant about it so I might as well hear what she had to say. "What's your secret?"

She leaned toward my ear, her tone coming down to a murmur, her expression stony.

"I actually don't wear undergarments." She said with the most serious tone.

"..."

Silence, the only thing that could be heard was the sound of a breeze in the distance.

A silence that was broken as I burst into laughter.

"Hahahaha, what the fuck, Sheffield?" I really couldn't contain my laugh. "I-Hahaha-I knew you had a warped sense of humor but… hahaha… I really didn't expect that-HAHAHA!"

I continued laughing, ignorant that Sheffield was still completely serious, keeping her trademark deadpan expression.

"Hahaha, wait, what are you do-"

Then she reached for the hem of her sundress and in one decisive motion, lifted it for me to see.

My laughter died out, and I stared, completely speechless until she lowered her skirt again.

"I truly hope we are one step closer to settling the score with that, Master." She said, without a hint of shame in her voice. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I shall attend to my duties as a Royal Maid."

With those words and a small bow, she turned around and left. Only I remained on the rooftop, my gaze still fixed on the same space as before. I was unable to move for quite some time, and when I finally could, it was only to smack my palm on my face.

"Mother… Father… where did I go wrong?" I asked as I recalled every single decision of my life that lead me to command a group of perverted maids.

"So you are leaving the base, Commander?" Formidable asked.

It had been about a week since the Siren attack, and everything had remained strangely quiet since that day. No news of the Sirens, the Sakura Empire, or that unknown faction that attacked Formidable, who was still recovering from her injuries.

As for the recently awakened Belfast and Sheffield, they had fully returned to their duties and were in standby in case an attack did happen. Sadly, they were the only ones as I found myself unable to heal the rest, even losing consciousness before I could fully heal Sirius. Either she was in a more critical condition than the rest or overworking my circuit were starting to take its toll, I couldn't know. This meant that Elizabeth, Warspite, Edinburgh and Dido were also still completely out of commission.

Despite that, it had been a slow week, almost like we were in peaceful times again. I knew that such feelings were fleeting though; this was just the calm before the storm.

"Yes, I somehow got permission from Haydes to leave for a couple of days." Surprisingly enough, she didn't offer much resistance. Perhaps because I was never officially a prisoner or maybe because she was in a far better mood due to the lack of attacks. There was also the fact that she was scrambling to put everything back in order since the unexpected reorganization. "I have to take care of a few things in the outside world."

"Shall I accompany you, then? I have grown tired of seeing the same building every day; a lady's senses will dull if she doesn't expand her horizons every now and then."

"That would be lovely. Regrettably, I don't think I will be able to give you a proper tour of the city, I have to go to my house to gather a few things, then go to my old workplace to resign, then go to the bank to get some money… It will be mostly boring stuff." I lied. "Besides, you're beginning your treatment for your arm today. "

"Ah… yes, that's right." She said but didn't seem entirely convinced. "I wanted to go with you, though."

Did she just pout like a child?

"Now, now, I'll come back once everything is sorted out. So we can hang out by then." I tried my best to reassure her. "Not that you'll be lonely in my absence, Belfast and Sheffield are here after all."

"Well, yes, that's true, but…" She meandered. It was clear that something was bothering her.

"...You still think about that night, don't you?" I supplied.

"I do. Whenever I talk to them, the memories… resurface." She confessed, lowering her head. She raised her only arm close to her face. " I still see it. I see myself ordering the drones to shoot, I see them on the ground, in pools of their own blood. A-And I know they're trying not to show it, but…" She closed her hand with force.

I put a hand on her shoulder and she raised her gaze to look at me with a sad look. Neither of us said anything, she took my hand from her shoulder and had me cup her cheek with it, rubbing against it. We remained in silence like that for a brief moment.

Erasing bad memories was pretty much impossible in my experience. I knew well enough that my own would accompany me for the rest of my life.

"Once everyone wakes up, let's go somewhere, like on vacation."

So the only thing I could do to ease those memories was to create good ones to counterweigh them.

"Vacation?" She gave me a curious look.

"Yeah, you all have gone through a lot, you totally deserve it." Getting permission from Haydes to travel with seven secret government weapons would be quite a herculean task, let alone with these unknown threats from all sides looming on the horizon. Here's hoping she would remain in a good mood for the foreseeable future. "I am sure Elizabeth and Warspite would love to see the castles of the past, and there's much to show you, too. I wonder what the maids would like, actually."

I personally would like to visit the resting place of an old friend in a certain abbey in Glastonbury.

"A vacation with everyone… Yes, that would be nice." Formidable rested her head on my arm and looked at me with her beautiful copper eyes, a weak smile returning to her face. "I shall eagerly await that day, Commander."

After everything that happened, what these girls needed the most was hope, something to look forward to other than risking their lives on the battlefield.

"Me too." I smiled. "Let's enjoy ourselves when the time comes."

Yes, hope was all we needed right now.

Even if it was a fragile one.

Being a teacher was never something I considered while I was a student, nor was I particularly good at history. Taking that job was merely a byproduct of my interest in learning this world's history, and it was a less risky alternative than doing heavy jobs using magecraft in secret.

And despite that, the moment I realized I would never cross those school gates as a teacher again made me feel a bit sad. The school and their directives gave me a chance when I was a nobody with next to no experience in teaching, and now I was abandoning it just like that. I didn't even have time to say goodbye to my old students.

"But this is for the best." I repeated to myself.

If I wanted to truly take the role of Commander, then I had to commit to it. Any wrong decision would affect not only me, but the shipgirls and even the whole country, it was not a position I could take lightly.

I exited the school, carrying my stuff on a small box, and the gates closed behind me; it hadn't been an amiable dismissal, but in a way, it was fitting. I could no longer return to that peace I had constructed in the past years, I was abandoning my old life. Waking early to arrive at the school in time, trying not to get the dates mixed up, grading exams, and most importantly, talking about the heroes of the past, of the people that were my friends… it was not a bad life, but perhaps it was never meant to be; my role in this world was different.

That also meant that I was basically jobless though.

"I truly hope Haydes can pay me a salary or something." I sighed, it wasn't like I had that much money saved up and I still had to pay taxes.

While I was sulking about my future money problems, a black sedan stopped in front of the school inches ahead of me. Its polarized window slowly descended to let me see the driver.

"Need a ride, handsome?" She asked in a teasing tone.

"Belfast…?" My eyes alternated between the black car and the maid inside it, who was not dressed as one, opting for a white dress shirt and tight fitting jeans. I didn't even know she could drive. "What are you doing here?"

"Greetings, Master. Marcia told me that you were traveling to London for a few days, so naturally, I offered myself as your driver." The albino maid said as if it was the most natural thing to do. "She said that someone has to keep tabs on you and allowed me to go."

Haydes… I shouldn't have told her where I was going.

"It's a long trip. I wouldn't want to bother you, Belfast." I tried to quickly end the conversation with a half-hearted wave. "I will just use the public transport, thank you for the offer though. See you in a few days."

I began walking, but Belfast sped up and literally cut my path with the car.

"I have to insist, Master. Using public transport will take more time, which means more time away from your commanding duties. It would be most optimal if I drive you there." She gave me a knowing stare. "Unless you don't want me to go with you for undisclosed reasons."

"It's not like that, it's just…" I didn't know how to continue without exposing my plans. She had me cornered in all sense of the word. "Alright, you got me. I am going to London to look for a person from my past. It has nothing to do with the Sirens or my position as Commander, so you don't have to worry about it."

"Master, I am sure you understand that saying that only makes me worry more." Belfast was having none of it. "By your tone, it's clear that it's not an amiable meeting."

"It's… complicated and I can't say it won't be dangerous." I confessed. "But you just recovered from your injuries, Belfast. I can't just ask you to come with me like that."

The head maid blinked a few times without saying anything, as if to double take what I just said. In the end, she took a deep breath and stared sternly at me.

"Is that the reason you wield a shield, Master? Because you can only think of protecting others?" Belfast asked, serious and stern. "I don't dislike that part of you, but if you are the one always protecting everyone, who protects you, Master?

I felt a lump form in my throat. I was the one being protected in Chaldea, not only by Mashu but by the rest of my Servants, Roman and Da Vinci. But those people that used to protect me were no longer there; all that was left was the shield.

Perhaps I had tried to take their role without realizing.

"Get in." She opened the co-pilot's door. "Let us protect you for once, Master."

'You don't have to do everything by yourself.' The words I said to Sheffield came back to me. Maybe I needed to heed my own advice too.

So I hopped in the car.

"We are going to a place called the Clock Tower." I said as I closed the door behind me. "They are a secret society conformed by mages, just like-no, I barely count as a mage before them; they can do things I can only dream of." I clenched my fist. "They are also cruel and despicable. A magus is someone who would do anything to achieve their objectives, no matter how many lives would be lost to reach it."

"Is the person you are meeting one of those mages?"

"Yes, but he is different." I couldn't help but smile. "He is my friend."

Today, I was awoken.

I didn't know why they woke me up. Perhaps they wanted to test my reaction to something, though they should have known by this point that I had long lost most of my senses. Most of the time it was like my body had been turned off and the only active part was my brain, a prisoner of a lifeless body. The only thing I could actually feel was regret; the memories of what I had lost tormented me and that was more painful than any torture these magi could inflict on me.

That's why I preferred when they kept me asleep, because I didn't have to remember a thing. I could spend months or even years sleeping and nothing would change.

It was peaceful, in a way.

But now I was awoken and even worse, they were moving me. Where? I didn't know and frankly, didn't care.

It was always the same story: they asked questions and when they didn't like the answers they would start messing with my body or my circuits.

Why couldn't they understand? Weren't they supposed to be geniuses? Eminences in their respective magecraft fields? Or was their ego so big and fragile that they refused to acknowledge they were mistaken? Whatever the case was, the result would still be the same: I was not a magician, and no matter how much they take away from my body, they won't be an inch closer to the Second Magic.

So I continued to exist in a state between life and death, wakefulness and sleep, and I would probably continue to exist like that, not alive or dead, until the moment my body would finally give up.

I had resigned to that Fate, until I saw something I hadn't seen in a long time: A light in the darkness.

My eyes, which were so accustomed to the poorly illuminated underground chamber that they had stopped functioning correctly, saw light again, colors even. That sudden stimulus was quickly followed by a certain aroma. Yes, it was the smell of fresh air, one that hadn't reached my nostrils since I was locked up. I was no longer in that underground dungeon, they had brought me somewhere else.

The last thing that reached me was all kinds of sounds, but I couldn't decipher their meaning, it could have been people talking or just walking around me. It went like that for a long while until silence returned.

No, there was still something: a very quiet sound, next to my ear.

I turned my head around with difficulty and I was promptly blinded by a strong light. The array of colors was replaced by flashing white.

And then I heard it.

"Apologize… should have… sooner."

Someone was talking, but I couldn't quite hear well or see them due to the light behind him. I could only understand a couple of words.

"I understand… weak… now."

By the tone of his voice, I could assume it was a man, and not one I have heard before. None of the magi experimenting on me talked like that. This man spoke in a calm, but serious tone.

"…doesn't have to be now but… talk..."

Slowly, my eyes began to get accustomed to the light again, and I started to see around me. I noticed that my body was currently lying on a bed and that the filthy chamber I was used to was replaced by some sort of spacious room decorated with wooden furniture and multiple shelves filled with books. The source of the powerful light turned out to be a set of wide-open windows.

The figure of the man who was talking to me also became more apparent. He had long blonde hair and wore an almost entirely white outfit with a coat. That combination almost made him shine like the sun behind him. He was sitting next to the bed, holding something in his hands that I couldn't quite distinguish.

"I did some research and I found out it's common in Japan to offer apples for people recovering from illnesses." He said, rotating the red object, apparently an apple, in his hands. He was peeling it. "I ignore if it's different in the Japan of your world, however. If that's the case, I'll apologize."

"A-aaa-hhh" I opened my mouth and a weird sound came out, I felt like I hadn't talked in years. "Ki-ki-kii..."I ended up closing it, clenching my teeth. I couldn't even form a proper word, it was pathetic.

I couldn't even say his name.

"Don't force yourself." He said, in a calm tone. "I have plenty of apples to peel, so I'll stay here until you recover." I could see a small smile creeping across his face. "It's my first time doing this by myself, after all. Turns out it's actually quite fun."

That was my first proper interaction with Kirschtaria Wodime. Just him staying by my side without saying much. It was a small gesture, but one that meant a lot to me.

After all, that was the moment I started to wonder if it really was the sun behind him, or if he had been the one shining all along.

We decided to stop at a gas station to fill the tank and stretch our legs for a bit after a couple hours of driving. I had gotten us some drinks from a nearby vending machine and we were now drinking leisurely as we watched the cars pass in front of us.

It was no use hiding my past anymore, not if we were going to face mages. So I ended telling Belfast everything, about why the Clock Tower locked me up, about my world and about Chaldea. She listened with rapt attention.

"How long was it, Master?" That was the first question Belfast asked. "How long were you imprisoned there?"

"A little more than a year." I brought a hand to the back of my head. "Or that's what Kirschtaria told me, my perception of time was severy muddled. Sometimes a few days felt like years and others months passed like seconds."

"That person, Kirschtaria Wodime. If he was with the Clock Tower, why did he help you?"

"I don't know." I chuckled. "I never fully understood him to be honest. Maybe he felt it was the right thing to do? Or perhaps out of pity? Whatever it was, he arranged my liberation with the directives of the Clock Tower on one condition: I had to leave Lord Camelot, behind."

That was the price I had to pay for my freedom, too high of a price.

"You didn't accept." She concluded, knowing I had Lord Camelot still with me.

"No, I did, but I didn't leave. In fact, I ended up staying as a normal student." As much as I hated what the Clock Tower did to me, I wouldn't understand half the things I did now without them. "That was when Kirschtaria took me in and I started working under him, or well, I say work, but it was mostly me learning the basics and studying the history of the world. It was like that for a couple of years, until… I found myself forced to leave."

Perhaps she had noticed the change in my tone because she didn't ask why.

"So I stole back Lord Camelot and escaped from the Clock Tower." I continued. "I haven't talked with Kirschtaria since then."

"And you have been hiding from the Clock Tower all this time, but it Sirens were the ones that found you first."

"Yes. And I think you know the rest of the story." I released a deep sigh, feeling a weight being taken off my shoulders.

"I see." Having heard everything I had to say, Belfast looked at me in the eyes. "I am sorry that you had to go through all that, Master. I can't imagine how you must have felt, having lost so much."

"It was lonely. For a long time, I couldn't tell anyone about myself or about what I did. I felt this… disconnection to the people of this world. Everything changed when I met you all, though." An ironic laugh escaped my mouth. "For better or worse, I haven't felt that way since I got into this mess, maybe because I am constantly on edge about what to do next. Just like in Chaldea."

"Even if that's the case, I am glad we could help in a way." She lowered her head. "I know we can't compare to what you experienced before, as I can't imagine what it must feel to lead humanity's heroes, but I guarantee the Maid Corps and I will always be there for you, Master."

She was right, the Royal Navy was not a second Chaldea, and expecting the same from the two would be just wishful thinking and unfair.

"Thank you, Belfast. I appreciate it, I truly do." I raised my face to look at the sky. "And thank you for listening until the end, being able to open myself like this is not something I did in a long time."

"It was my pleasure. I feel like I understand a little more about you now, Master."

"Do you see me in a new light, now?" I gave her a weak grin.

"Not really." She shook her head, much to my surprise. "I swore my loyalty to you, Master. I would have followed you even if you weren't a hero."

A hero, huh.

"I understand. It's because of Elizabeth's orders, right?"

Belfast didn't say anything for a few seconds, she just closed her eyes and smiled.

"We can leave it like that for now, if you want."

"And what does that-"

"Now, I think it's time to move on, Master." She quickly changed the topic. "It's starting to get dark, and we don't want to get caught in the traffic."

She strolled towards the car before I could say anything.

I wanted to ask what she meant again but stopped myself. She was right, better continue our journey for now.

Still, did she just tease me?

It was already quite late when we finally arrived to London, the traffic certainly didn't help as we got closer and closer to the capital. I hated traffic in Japan, and I hated here in Britain even more. With that being said, we successfully managed to find a hotel room to spend the night in.

A small critter made of stones flew around that very same room and landed on Belfast's hand.

"It's actually quite cute." She played with the golem dragonfly on her hand. "Can you make different animals?"

"Just small ones, though I am really out of practice. The biggest I can make is a dove." I cleaned the cut I had made myself to create the golem, trying to correct some misshaping. "You should have seen my teacher, he could create golems that dwarfed us in size."

"Was he one of your Servants?"

"Yes, his name was Avicebron." Memories of the masked man came to me. "He was a curious person, always calling himself a third-rate Servant despite the fact he was indisputable in golem creation." I chuckled. "He was also a hard-to-please teacher; always saying that someone with no talent like me must never rely on golems but should at least be able to use them when the time came."

"You seem to remember him fondly."

"I do, he wasn't nearly as difficult to deal with as some other servants." With a hand movement, I called the golem dragonfly to my hand. "And even the more problematic ones were still my dear companions. I would do anything to see them again…" I stopped myself before I could sink in the memories of the past, there were more pressing matters to attend to.

I brought the golem close to my face and whispered.

"Fly to the tower with the giant clock, and search for the blonde man that wears white. Don't let anyone else discover you."

The golem made no sign of understanding me, but soon enough it rattled its wings and left through the open window.

"Now, we wait." I sat on the bed. "We are close to the Clock Tower so hopefully it shouldn't take too long for the golem to find him."

"Despite not seeing him for years, you still to trust this Kirschtaria Wodime a lot." Belfast noted, not without some doubt in her voice. "Are you sure he would be willing to help us?"

"I have to ask him at the very least. He is a powerful magus and having him on our side would tide the scales on our favor." And even if he couldn't help us directly, there was still a certain something in the Clock Tower that could help us in our battle against the Sirens. "I hate having to bring him into this conflict, but if the Sirens are really operating at a global scale, then it's just a matter of time until the Mage Association gets involved. Better bring him to our side sooner than later."

I also wanted to see him again, but I made sure to omit that part.

"We'll wait until tomorrow night, if we don't get a response before that…then we will have no choice but to go there in person." There is no way the Clock Tower will receive us with open arms, but if we can get Kirschtaria's help against the Sirens, then this plan would be worth the risk. "It's possible that we will have face one or more mages soon, Belfast."

"I am ready to fight whenever you say, Master. No matter if the enemy is a Siren or a mage." She said, determined.

I didn't want to involve the Royal Navy precisely because of that, but going alone wasn't a better alternative. "If we do fight, don't hold back and shoot to kill. Showing mercy to a Magus is a death sentence."

"Understood, Master." She nodded.

Having said that, I threw myself on the bed. It had been a long day, and exhaustion was settling in.

"We should take turns to keep watch, just in case something happens." I did my best to sit on the bed again. "I can take the first watch so you can rest a bit, Belfast."

"That won't be necessary, I can stay awake for the rest of the night just fine. You shall rest, Master."

"…I would feel bad doing that. I know that you don't need as much sleep as me but I still-" As I tried to stand up, Belfast put herself in front of me, putting both hands on my shoulders and basically forcing me to sit on the bed again.

"You seem to have trouble accepting other's kindness, right, Master?" She said with a smile that felt threatening for some reason.

"Perhaps…" I avoided her gaze. "I just want to do everything in my power for all of you, Belfast. I failed once, I don't want that to happen again."

"I understand, because I feel the same toward you, Master." She sat beside me. "I am glad you are reliable and willing, but at the same time I wish I could serve you more, as a maid. Being useful is what brings me joy after all."

"Belfast…"

"So when you asked for a room with only one bed, I thought you were ready for me to serve you in that way." A slight blush streaked across her face.

Muted seconds passed as my brain attempted to connect the dots.

"T-There was no deep meaning behind that, I only thought we would be safer if we shared the room and-" I was babbling at that point.

"Hehe… forgive me. This is the only way I could look at your troubled expression." She chuckled. "It's rare for you to make that kind of cute face with any other topic."

"…Give me a break, please." I sighed. "I am not accustomed to this kind of thing."

She smiled and gently dropped her head on my shoulder.

"Though I wouldn't mind if you wanted to do it for real."

Another muted silence filled the room.

"Teasing me like this will lead you nowhere." I , in the most monotonous tone possible.

"I am serious." She said, her playful tone disappearing in matter of seconds. "My body is yours to use how you see fit."

"I am not falling for that-"

So I tried to say when she took my hand, bringing it over her right breast. A breath got stuck in my throat again, and I had to fight against every instinct to keep my eyes focused on Belfast's eyes.

"I like that part of you that only thinks of helping others, it does come naturally to you. But I also would like it if you could be more selfish from time to time." She leaned in closer. "So I can be a bit selfish, too."

My heart rate accelerated and any words I might have had died in my mouth. My gaze could only alternate between her amethyst eyes and her chest. I did not know how to respond, I wasn't accustomed to this kind of thing. Not after so long.

"Belfast, I…"

"It's fine. I want this. I want to serve you in every way possible." She whispered in my ear. I could feel her hair on my skin, and her lips grazing my earlobe. Belfast tenderly grasped my nape, her thin fingers carefully running through my hair. "Let me serve you, Master. Please."

Her voice had lost the sultry edge, now marked with pleading and yearning. Belfast closed her eyes, waiting for me to make the next move. Just like that time with Sirius; perhaps it was due to their nature as maids, they wanted me to be the one who made the first move before we could indulge in each other.

And I wanted to, by all the various Gods I've met, I absolutely wanted to. It would be a lie to say otherwise; I just needed to meet her lips and surrender to pleasure once again.

However, I didn't do it.

I couldn't.

"I like you." I confessed the truth. "From the moment I first saw you, I liked you. That's why I was so hurt when I found out our first encounter was something manufactured by someone else; because I wanted to believe someone as beautiful as you had taken interest in me on your own."

"Master…"

"But then I got to know you, and I started worrying about you, Belfast. You aren't just a subordinate to me, you are my companion, and I don't want to hurt you like this."

Belfast understood what I was trying to say, and released my hand. She looked pained, and it hurt knowing I was hurting her.

"You still love her." She said breathlessly.

"I do." I lowered my head, those were my real feelings. "It wouldn't be fair to start a relationship with you while I am still clinging to a memory. I can't do that to you."

Belfast separated from me and we remained in silence for a couple of minutes.

"I understand, Master. But let me ask you: does that make you happy?"

"Huh?"

"If it does, if you have resolved yourself to never be with someone again, then I will stop my advances, and I will make sure that the rest of the maids know about your decision." Belfast's voice was strained. "However, I would first like you to think about it. Think if that's what makes you truly happy."

The silver-haired maid approached me again and brought me towards her chest in a hug, this time more chaste, more innocent, and just perhaps, the most genuine she had ever done since we met. "After all, that's the only thing I want, Master. My dearest wish is for you to be happy."

I didn't say anything and just remained there in her arms.

Happy… Was I happy with leaving things as they were? No... was I happy at all?

END OF CHAPTER 23

AN: Hello, it's been a while.

While this chapter was being written the year changed, Argentina won the World Cup, this fic got a Russian translation and someone in the discord started translating doujins.

Pretty interesting months, really.

blah blah discord blah blah, you know the drill (discord. gg / kvRCbruzaT )

As always, thanks to steel for proofreading and lower for the editing.

And with that, it should be going, my planet needs me.

Godspeed.