My mom and I sat with Carl, Lori, Carol, and Sophia, doing our school work as our mother's helped to teach us. Jim sat not too far away underneath the shade of a big tree, Shane helping him drink water as he was still handcuffed. Things had pretty much calmed down after that whole chaotic scene.
"I'm sorry if I scared your boy and your little girls." Jim called out to our mothers, causing us all to look up from the schoolwork towards the man.
"You had sunstroke. Nobody's blaming you." Lori assured him.
"You're not scared now, are you?" Jim asked us, to which I just shook my head in response, Sophia replying with a soft 'no sir'. "Your mama's right. Sun just cooked my head is all."
"Jim, do you know why you were digging?" Dale asked the question that still hadn't been answered, even after everything. "Can you say?"
"I had a reason. Don't remember." He replied. Dale nodded back in response. "Something I dreamt last night. Your dad was in it, you were too." Jim directed his words towards Carl. "You were worried about him. Can't remember the rest. You worried about your dad?"
"They're not back yet." Carl shook his head as I frowned, knowing how hard this must be on him.
"We don't need to talk about that." Lori rubbed her son's back comfortingly, trying to change the subject.
"Your dad's a police officer, son." Jim continued, looking at Carl with a look of certainty. "He helps people. Probably just came across some folks needing help, that's all. That man, he is tough as nails. I don't know him well but...I could see it in him. Am I right?" He looked up at Shane.
"Oh yeah." Shane nodded his head. I slightly smiled.
Jim looked from Shane back at Carl. "There ain't nothing gonna stop him from getting back here to you and your mom, I promise you that."
My small smiled lingered for a moment as I felt some hope make it's way back to Carl. I was really glad Jim had said that to him, and I believed every bit of it.
"Alright." Shane spoke up after a short pause. "Who wants to help me clean some fish, huh?"
All three of us kids looked up with excitement, Carl being the first one out of his seat. "Sweet! Come on, Lilah and Sophia."
I jumped up, following after Carl who slightly tripped in the dirt, causing me to giggle. He got up with ease, grabbing my hand and continuing to run with me as we caught up with Shane.
"Careful kids." My mother called, laughing as her and Carol walked together behind us.
. . .
"Hey peach." My mom stuck her head into our tent where I was sat, picking out a book to read. "Que faites-vous?"
Me and my mom were both fluent in French. My grandma on my dad's side was from France and didn't know English, so I grew up bilingual and my dad taught my mom along the way. We never really spoke French around the others as obviously they didn't speak it, but when it was just us, we would make sure to incorporate some into our speech. I tried my best to use it whenever I could because I was terrified I would somehow forget it and lose that piece of my family.
"Hi mama." I looked over at her with a smile. She sat down on the cot next to me. "Recherche d'un livre."
Before I knew it, I was engulfed in her arms, in the biggest, tightest hug. Her hand rubbed my back before coming up to stroke my hair.
"Mom." I giggled, wrapping my arms around her stomach. "What's this for?"
"I just love you so much!" She squeezed me tighter. At this point, I could hardly breath, but I didn't want her to pull away. My mom was my safe place, the only person who I had left that I could call my family. She meant everything to me. "I want you to know how much I love you and I can't bear the thought of anything happening to you."
"Nothing's gonna happen to me mama." I assured her as we finally separated from the hug.
She looked me in the eyes, cupping my face in her hands. "Everything is gonna turn out just fine baby, Je promets. Everything works out the way it's supposed to. Things seem rough right now, but it will all work itself out."
"I know, mom." I replied honestly, giving her my best smile. "I'm not worried."
That was a lie. I was worried. What if we never got help and this all went on forever? The world never went back to how it used to be? It was just surviving from now on? Thoughts raced through my head, but I tried to make sure nothing was evident on my face so my mom couldn't read it.
"You've always been brave. My brave little girl." My mom rubbed my cheek with her thumb before going down to touch the butterfly necklace that hung around my neck. "And remember. As long as you wear this, you have protection."
"Je me souviens." I told her with a nod, my hand unconsciously going up to grasp it. "I love you, mom."
"I love you too, Lilah." She smiled warmly, kissing my forehead. "More than you will ever know."
. . .
It had gotten dark out and we were all gathered around the fire having a big fish fry. We laughed and talked and ate as much as we wanted. This genuinely felt like normal life before the apocalypse. If I tried hard enough, I could almost convince myself that this was a cookout in my parent's backyard with our neighborhood friends, the parents grilling food and drinking beers while chatting amongst themselves, the kids running around playing all sorts of fun games, just having an overall good time. This almost felt like that. Almost.
"I gotta ask you, man. It's been driving me crazy." Morales began talking to Dale as I took a bite of my fish, glancing over at Dale.
"What?" He asked with a light chuckle, his head resting on his hand.
"That watch." Morales pointed with fish in his hand.
Dale smiled, bringing his watch in front of his face, fidgeting around with it. "What's wrong with my watch?"
"I see you every day, same time, winding that thing like a village priest saying mass." Morales explained, to which everyone around the fire began nodding and agreeing.
"I've wondered this myself." Jacqui added.
"I'm missing the point." Dale threw his hands up, shrugging as he looked around at all of his friends."
"Unless I've misread the signs, the world seems to have come to an end." Jacqui continued. "At least hit a speed bump for a good long while."
"But there's you every day winding that stupid watch." Morales finished for her.
"Time..." Dale began and I knew this would be a big speech. "It's important to keep track, isn't it. The days at least. Don't you think, Andrea? Back me up here." He motioned over to her. Her eyes grew wide and she just chuckled nervously, taking a sip of her drink. He looked away from her, looking out into the night, seeming to get a little sentimental. "I like...I like what, um, a father said to son when he gave him a watch that had been handed down through generations. He said, 'I give you the mausoleum of all hope and desire, which will fit your individual needs no better than it did mine or my father's before me; I give it to you not that you may remember time, but that you may forget it for a moment now and then and not spend all of your breath trying to conquer it.'"
We all sat silently after he had finished speaking. It was a beautiful saying, one that I imagined my dad would've known. I probably would've found out if we had a little more time with him. Time. Something so simple yet so complicated. You don't seem to care for it until you're out of it.
"You are so weird." Amy was the first one to break the seemingly endless silence, causing everyone to laugh.
"It's not me, it's Faulkner. William Faulkner." He defended himself, and the name did sound familiar. My dad had a few of his books. "Maybe my bad paraphrasing."
"Where are you going?" Andrea asked Amy who had stood up from her seat.
"I have to pee." She replied, raising her eyebrows. "Jeez, you try to be discreet around here."
Everyone began laughing again as Amy walked away to the RV. I snuggled into my mother's side, opening the book I had brought as there wasn't really anymore conversation. I didn't get too far into reading before I heard a terrifying scream. Everyone looked in the direction it came from, seeing Amy standing at the RV, her arm being bitten by a walker. Everyone began to panic, standing quickly.
"Mom!" I shouted, tears immediately coming to my eyes as I stared at the horrific scene, my mom's arms instantly finding their way around me, acting as a shield. Walkers began coming from what seemed like everywhere. All I could hear were screams and then gunshots as the men got out weapons to fight off the walkers. People all around us were getting attacked. We stood behind Carol and Sophia who stood behind Lori and Carl who stood behind Shane, following him so he could do his best to lead us to safety.
And then suddenly, my mother was ripped from my grasp. Confusion filled me as I turned around, seeing her being brought to the ground by a walker. The walker leaned down, biting her neck, causing her to scream the same way my father did that day we left.
"Mom, no!" I sobbed as Lori scooped me up in her arms, trying to cover my eyes from what was going on. Shane shot the walker that was attacking my mom, but it was too late. She was bitten and bleeding out, laying there. There was nothing I could do to help. I sobbed in Lori's arms as we made our way up toward the RV. Then I saw the men that were on the run come into view, guns out as they approached.
They shot at the walkers, taking them out. Rick called for his wife and son. Carl ran to him. I was still in Lori's arms, but she put me down for a second to hug Rick. I ran over to my mom's body, falling to my knees beside her, seeing her face, the blood that covered her and the ground around her, the light in her eyes was draining as she slowly reached up put her hand on my cheek.
"Mom, please, no." I cried, grabbing her hand with mine, her own blood covering my skin. I clung to her, crying into her shirt. "S'il te plaît, ne pars pas. Please, I need you."
Her low gurgles rung through my ears until they grew faint, her sporadic breathing coming to a halt. I pulled away from the hug, looking into her eyes. The light was gone. There was nothing left. She laid there lifeless. I grabbed at her, shaking her, trying desperately to bring her back. I needed my mother. There was no way I would be able to get through this without her. I was heartbroken. It was hard to even comprehend what had just happened. She was really gone. My body ached as I sat there at her side, my cries coming out hoarsely until a pair of arms wrapped around me. I jumped, trying to wriggle out of whatever had clung to me, screaming as loudly as I could.
"Hey, hey it's me!" Glenn's voice called out, giving me some relief and helping me to calm down and stop fighting against him. "It's Glenn, it's just me."
I fell into his hug, closing my eyes and letting the tears roll. My heart was absolutely shattered in this moment. I could hear Andrea's cries over Amy and that just made it worse. The amount of loss that was felt on this night was unbearable. The amount of loss that was felt in general was even worse.
I had nothing left.
"I remember my dream now. Why I dug the holes." Jim spoke into the night, staring out at the scene around him.
French Translations -
Que faites-vous? - What are you up to?
Recherche d'un livre. - Looking for a book.
Je promets. - I promise.
Je me souviens. - I remember.
S'il te plaît, ne pars pas. - Please don't go.