(Caution, bumpy road ahead. But everything is fine in the end - promise!)
Going into the office the next day was tough. Both Jane and Lisbon were still floating on the joy of finding the perfect spot for their wedding. With the reservations in place and the date set, it was harder than ever to focus on the day-to-day things that stood between them and matrimony. Jane couldn't stop looking at Lisbon, and she couldn't stop daydreaming about him. They both wished they could take another day off together, but reasoned that whatever remained of this year's leave would most likely be spent for the wedding preparations and the much-anticipated honeymoon. (Plus, Lisbon had told Jane that he'd done such an amazing job with houses and wedding venues, that she would allow him to surprise her with their honeymoon plans. She did offer her thoughts up front, though, knowing that her amazing partner would take those wishes to heart. She couldn't wait to see where they ended up.) Jane tried to appease himself by making 'save the date' cards to place on all of the FBI desks this morning. At least he'd be able to sparkle about things a little bit that way, while still staying within his and Teresa's self-imposed 'workplace safety boundaries.'
Nonetheless, this morning, breakfast and the drive into work happened on schedule, with both partners meditating on the day as they drove in together, taking as many mindful breaths as they could before confronting whatever craziness may jump into the path of the FBI today.
They had barely warmed their office chair and couch when the call came in. There was a body found in some yard in a city neighborhood, with a possible hostage situation going on inside the adjacent house. Lisbon's team was up, and sped to the scene.
On arrival, the team huddled for a brief moment, so Lisbon could go over a few details she'd gotten from Abbott via phone on the drive over. Then she and Jane went to inspect the body, while two other team members got a visual on the house and perimeter. Lainey DeShay and Fred Proczyk had been with the DC branch of the FBI for over a decade. They had nearly the same years of experience as Lisbon had, but all of theirs were in DC. So, while Lisbon had the authority to put them to whatever tasks she saw fit, she trusted their experience and knowledge (particularly when it came to local issues), and had no problem leaving the initial house reconnaissance to them.
As Jane sniffed and hovered around the corpse in the yard, sharing his mental notes verbally, Lisbon busily typed into her phone. Jane had nearly finished his assessment when gunfire erupted from the backyard.
In one clean motion, Lisbon got her gun and launched into a sprint. As she tore around back, with a couple more agents following, Jane cowered for a second before tiptoeing cautiously toward the rear of the house. There was a chorus of shouts and then Lisbon's commanding voice began the requisite negotiations. Jane watched from the side yard, shielded by a tall shrub, as the scene played out. His heart was pounding as hard as it always did when Teresa was put into positions such as this - both in fear for her life, and also breathless at her strength and authority. She was such an unstoppable powerhouse. He marveled at her calm handling of the precarious situation. Right when the corners of his mouth began to curl into a smile, and as his eyes began to twinkle with pride at his badass fiancée, the porch door of the house burst open and a barrage of bullets spilled out into the yard. Jane caught his breath as he saw Lisbon go down, and he began running to her (with no thoughts for his own safety) even before Proczyk and DeShay took the shooter out and got the scene back under control.
Jane had been so good about keeping his business mind in front of his heart for Lisbon all these weeks at the new DC appointment. But this incident shattered his game face to pieces, as he ran shrieking her name in terror at watching her gunned down. (In reality, though he tried to shriek, his voice refused to sound - with only a whisper of air in the shape of her name managing to escape his grimaced lips as he raced to her.)
As the team called medics to the scene, Jane reached his partner, collapsing to his knees by her side. To his utter relief, he saw Teresa's open eyes looking for him. As she panted for breath, having had the air knocked out of her by the impacts of bullets and ground, she reassured her visibly stricken love: "I'm… okay… vest… worked…" He couldn't stop his relieved tears as he realized she was correct about that. Under her FBI jacket it was evident that the Kevlar protection had taken all of the hits for her. He knew her ribs were probably too sore for the vice-like embrace he wanted to give her, so he tried to comfort her - and himself - by squeezing the hell out of her right hand, as he held it to his lips - sending a consistent river of tears and kisses over her fingers.
Back at headquarters, relieved that the tense situation of the day had ended without loss of life or serious injury, Lisbon's team was gathered in the break room. Trying to shake off their nervous energies, they were talking about the 'other Jane' they'd seen today.
Jane and Lisbon had been so cool with one another at work up to now, the team members had half wondered if their engagement had been a ruse made-up simply to protect their boss's working partnership with the fake psychic consultant. But their current conversation hovered more around thoughts like: 'yeah, but I bet things get just that much steamier at their castle of a house. The quiet cool ones are often the smoking hot lovers!'
After a quick round of semi-embarrassed laughter, the mood turned to gratitude. They really had grown to love and support Lisbon, in the short time they'd known her. How could they not? So, they were greatly relieved that the Kevlar had stopped the barrage of bullets that had knocked her to the ground back in the yard.
Meanwhile, Jane had followed the ambulance, as it transported Lisbon to the nearest ER to get checked out. Aside from some bruised ribs and the odd scratch, she was perfectly fine. "See? I told you I was okay!" She grinned comfortingly at her love - who still seemed quite rattled and not at all convinced that the events of the day were okay in the least (though he was warmed thoroughly by seeing her smiling at him in such a tender way). Then, given the all-clear, the two partners left for home.
It was the most silent drive she could remember. The pain in her ribs radiated to her heart and throat as she tensed up more with every passing mile. He hadn't seemed this distant since before the island. She was beginning to fill with dread, remembering how things used to be between them back in those days… never knowing where they stood with each other… a partnership of convenience, for his vengeance and for her clearance rate…. A partnership where, at any moment, he could take off and leave her alone in the beachside sunset… She hadn't noticed that her cheeks were wet with tears until she noticed the tears on Jane's cheeks. About the time she'd settled herself enough to be able to speak, they were pulling into the back parking space at home. She was slightly heartened that instead of running away from her he walked around to help her out of the car and into the house.
Once inside, the silence remained as he helped her get comfortable on the music room sofa and started soft saxophone music on the stereo for her. When she was settled, he moved in close to gaze at her for a long moment. Then, with a smile and a tender kiss to her left cheek, he hopped upstairs without a word. Puzzled, but warmed by his gentleness, Lisbon drifted to sleep (despite the fact that every inhale shot pain through her upper rib cage).
She awoke to the delicious aroma of Jane cooking in the kitchen. She smiled at the memory of their moments together in that space after the housewarming party. He needed to be reminded too, she thought, gingerly moving to stand from the couch.
"Wearing my favorite sexy apron, gorgeous?" She hummed as she rounded the corner to the cooking area. The… empty cooking area, as it turned out. Confused, the smile fell from her lips - replaced by her analytical face (which Jane would have noted was similar to her 'accountant face' from their home tours several weeks ago). Her nose had been right, though. On the island was a full plate of her favorite pasta, complete with the homemade garlic bread he always made for her. And there was an envelope. Her appetite left her as a familiar lump grew in her throat. Where was he? Why was there only one plate of food on the counter? What the hell was in that envelope?
Despite her desperate curiosity about that, something in her heart's memory wouldn't let her open it. Thoughts and recollections began to swirl in her mind. All the times he'd run away. To flee from pain or confusion. To chase Red John. To escape capture after killing that killer. To solve the New York case right after they'd been reassigned to Austin. She couldn't bear to open that envelope if it had a goodbye message in it. The mere risk was enough to keep her stewing in anxious curiosity.
After a few moments, though, she reminded herself that things weren't like that with her and Patrick anymore. With an internal kick in the ass, she rolled her eyes at her fear and called herself out. "Teresa you are being ridiculous right now. Just open the damned note!" And she did.
"Dearest Teresa, my love and my heart, everything is fine. I'm so angry with myself because I know our history, and I know my current absence has probably frightened you. But my dear you gave me such a hellish scare today, and I need some time to clear my head. Just some time, that's all this is, love.
I was raised on the move. I think best out in the open. I used to look out the trailer window, as we traveled, to daydream and untangle any thoughts or feelings that had become knotted up. (I constantly try to achieve the same results while staying in one place but, alas, I'm just not wired for it.) Tonight, my heart is pulling so hard in two conflicting directions. The comfortable mind-reset of the great wide open is competing with the warmth, security and love of the home we share. And that strain feels every bit as painful as if my heart were, in fact, being torn into two pieces at the hands of opposing horsemen."
Though she was trying hard to understand his needs, and though she was extremely relieved that he'd left some sort of explanation this time - along with the promise that he would be back - she still couldn't stifle the rib-stabbing sobs that had surfaced as she continued reading.
"Sometimes the reality of putting down roots feels more like being 'chained up' than being 'anchored to safety' - mentally I mean. And that doesn't mean I'm leaving or that I've even remotely changed heart regarding our marriage or being with you or the house or any of it, it's just that I want you to understand why I feel the need to do these things. In fact, it's that I need you to understand it so that you won't worry as much and so that my occasional 'thinking jaunts' will hopefully not bring you anxiety or pain.
Still, know that I will be back home tomorrow. By lunch I hope, but definitely by dinner. I hope I cooked enough food for you in the meantime, and if you need ANYTHING AT ALL while I'm gone, the Abbott's have agreed to be on call. I love you with everything I am, Teresa. And believe it or not it's because of that fact that I have to process these feelings of terror apart from you. It's not pretty, love, and you need to have peaceful space to heal up right now. I would completely upend that peace in my current state, but I have put my mind to it so that I will be quite peaceful indeed by tomorrow afternoon. I sincerely hope that you can understand why this was my only choice today. I already miss you immensely just writing this note. I love you, Teresa. I will see you tomorrow, my love."
He finished with a PS, mentioning that he would leave his phone turned on, with his location visible to her in the meantime, hoping that would serve to lessen some of the anxiety he knew from experience that she would be feeling in large quantities until his return.
Still crying, Lisbon smiled. Her mixed emotions were being stirred by pain medication as well as the handwritten medicine her fiancé had left with her. Her great anxiety and uncertainty remained, at the thought of his 'thinking jaunts' being a habitual occurrence in their lives. But, she thought, the important thing was that he had promised to come back. So instead of feeling sorry for herself, she decided to put her mind to the issue. Making a list of possible ground rules. Making a list of ways Jane could get what he needed, without rocking the boat of their marriage too much (and without rocking her heart too much).
Once she had thought through every last idea, she carefully climbed the stairs and got ready for bed. She was especially glad she'd worn a button-up blouse to work this morning. It made it much less painful to get undressed for bed that way. As she turned toward her dresser to get a nightshirt on, she stopped at the sight of something.
Jane had left a mint on her pillow. And right next to it was a 'save the date' card, with his handwriting adorning the back:
"I cannot wait, my dearest Teresa! Partners forever! I will always be fully yours, my love. I miss you so terribly right now. See you tomorrow. I love you with everything I am, Teresa. - Yours forever, Patrick."
Despite the emotional rollercoaster of the past hour or so, she smiled with a warm heart as she drifted to a pain-medicated, restful sleep.