(A/N: Jane felt bad for worrying all of you in Ch 10, and insisted that I post this 2nd part of the story a bit early ;) )
Sunlight streamed in through the back window, and music streamed in from the hall as Lisbon sat, somewhat stiffly, at the kitchen table. She nursed her morning coffee and her bruised ribs, staring into space, lost in her thoughts. Her analytical mind was working hard to solve this puzzle her love had presented her in last night's dinner envelope. She cared for him so deeply, and wanted him to have all of his needs met in their marriage - especially where her profession was concerned. She had long known how terrified he was of losing her to a violent act (such as what happened yesterday). If all he needed was time, she could give him that. And she was greatly comforted that he had at least offered reassurance and explanation this time (and that explanation had been more in-depth than she would have ever expected before they'd gotten together as a couple). Still, she hoped that, in the future, he could get all the thinking time he needed during waking hours. She had grown to rely on his presence in her bed each night, and without his warmth beside her she slept less and worried more - pain meds or not.
Before she had finished half of her first cup, she was pleasantly surprised to hear the thump of his car door closing. He walked through the back door sporting an adoring glance and a tentative smile (that grew to rival the incoming sunshine once he saw his fiancée beam her own grin back at him).
"Lunch is delightfully early today, sweet Patrick!" she bubbled with relief and surprise.
"Yes, I couldn't help it. Missed you too terribly to wait any longer, so sped up the CPU in my brain." He grinned and sparkled in reply, then placed a lovely vase of flowers at the center of the table, as he stood behind her chair. "I love you so much, my dear." he breathed in her ear, his chin hovering just above her left shoulder. "I have never wanted to squeeze you tighter than I do right now, but I fear for your poor ribs, so will resist."
Teresa was overcome with the joy of seeing him again, after all of the torturous thoughts she'd spun through, the night before. Regardless of the catches of pain that snuck past her meds, she stood and turned to bury her face in his chest as her arms held him as tightly as she was able. "Jane I was so worried when I saw the envelope. It took me forever to get up the courage to look inside. I thought that maybe it was goodbye." She paused to allow her emotional memory to calm. "But Patrick, once I started reading it, it was such a relief. Knowing that you cared enough to leave me such an in-depth explanation, and more importantly letting me know for sure that you were coming back, that made all the difference, love."
He couldn't stop his tears. Regret at scaring her mixed with the relief that he'd done something right this time. "Seeing you gunned down like that, Teresa, was literally my worst nightmare come true." He closed his eyes and breathed deep and slow, taking a moment to just hold her. Regaining himself, after a few seconds, he continued, "I'm so glad the note helped, my dear. I only wish I'd thought to say those words to you weeks earlier, so you would have known ahead of time why I had to go yesterday. And I would love it if we could talk more about how to navigate my transient thinking methods later today, but first may I make you something for brunch?" he grinned hopefully, eyebrows up.
She never could resist him when he got that expression on his face. "Of course, love. But I require a welcome home kiss before you start clanging your pans." she winked.
"I would adore that, my dear!" Gently-as-ever, he leaned in to plant the most tender kiss of apology and thanks on her lips.
After a delicious brunch full of sugar and cinnamon, the two locked eyes for several moments. Searching each other for answers. Trying to heal the fears and hurt of the last 24 hours. Promising that no matter what, their partnership was unbreakable. That no matter what, this was forever. That even fear and hurt stood no chance against a love this deep and strong.
Lisbon spoke first. "Patrick, I adore you. Nothing will ever change my love for you. And I want you to have everything that you need, but regarding the 'thinking' stuff, can we lay some ground rules?"
"Absolutely yes. let's sift through any and all of the things that may help. Because there will be times that I may absolutely need space to be okay with some imposing or petrifying thing, but I also absolutely refuse to put you through any more pain, heartbreak, or despair in order to do so - And it will never be forever or anything. It's important that you know that. We are partners forever, love. No matter what, I will never put that in jeopardy. In fact, the mind clearing that I would do on these ventures would be, in my mind, necessary for that healthy partnership to stay strong and honest."
She nodded, looking at him with concerned eyes.
"And it gets ugly sometimes. I don't want to scare you. I sometimes talk to myself or yell at myself. There's crying and even wailing sometimes - so it's better if I just go away 'til all of that passes."
She had a realization. "So that's why you recommended scream therapy to that transplant patient back in Sacramento? Because you knew that it worked for you, yourself?"
"True indeed, my dear! And I've always hidden myself away during the process. Not only is it quite off-putting to others, but also…" he rolled his eyes with discomfort, "Alex tolerated no weakness. Tears and outbursts were for marks." He went on to explain how his useless dad had shamed him on several occasions when he'd forgotten that rule.
Then he explained further, desperately needing her to understand. "It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me just needing fresh air, moving landscapes, and no distractions in order to think through every detail to my heart's own satisfaction. It's just how I'm built, I guess - or how I was trained, anyway. But I need you to know that I will always come home to you, no matter what I'm struggling with." His eyes punctuated his last sentence with a desperate longing for her acceptance and understanding. He had always been embarrassed by his fear-spawned episodes of uncontrolled emotion, and he hoped they wouldn't be the thing that broke the partnership that had sustained him from the very moment it had started.
Lisbon's face changed a bit, just then, having recalled a similar experience from her own past. "Well, Patrick, I can somewhat understand your need for space. When my dad had his tirades, I used to run away from my problems too - in the form of a long jog around several blocks to burn off some anxiety and worry. Stan's best friend lived a couple doors down and his family was great about letting me walk the three boys to their house when they needed protection - while dad came down from whatever bender he'd been on that day. Once I knew they were safe, I'd lace up and run a 10k around the neighborhood. It helped relieve the stress of the situation I was in, and I did a lot of thinking on those runs, too, love. So you're not as alone as you think." She winked as she gave him a careful nudge of comfort.
He gave her a gentle squeeze, smiling with consummate relief that he had been right to trust her with his darkest secrets and greatest fears. (She was the only person on Earth he felt he could trust that much with his guarded self.) He realized then that he'd been holding his breath as she spoke, so took in a sudden breath of air before exhaling all of his earlier worries.
There was more discussion - heavy on the points that she couldn't live with him suddenly running away again, without a word. And that, even with the steps he'd taken to care for her this last time, she still missed him desperately when she slept (she admitted that it was actually more like 'tossing and turning' when he wasn't there to hold her). And, even with him checking in, she remained anxious for his safety.
After taking a long moment to seriously ponder Lisbon's concerns, Jane submitted that he would hopefully be able to filter his thoughts adequately, in the future, with a long drive that ended at home for the overnight. But that it would ease his mind considerably if he had a separate space at home to privately continue the process if necessary. With that (along with Lisbon's enthusiastic agreement at the idea that he could do some of the 'jaunting' on-site), the basement 'Jane cave' idea was born.
In the end, they decided that, after giving a heads-up, Jane could drive for an hour or so (with his cell phone location on for Lisbon's sanity). Then, once he was back, she would go for a run through the neighborhood or on her treadmill upstairs while he continued processing in his basement thinking room.
It was stipulated that there may be times when the 'driving' portion may need to be substituted for a 'point of view' video downstairs instead. In fact, Jane had begun planning a wall-sized screen setup that might turn one side of his man cave/thinking room into a virtual-driving machine, projecting moving images of the open road to trick his mind into its typical state of healing while never actually leaving the house. He noted - with an air of something resembling excitement - the benefit of being able to drive anywhere in the world in no time at all with this setup. Though, he also mentioned something about checking into soundproofing the space (he had brought up shouting and wailing, earlier).
After such an emotional day, the two feasted on a late dinner of take-out pizza, before settling into bed for the night. Lisbon was still quite sore in the ribs, so Jane was especially cognizant of his position beside her. Though he wanted to blanket her completely, with every inch of his flesh entwined with hers, he satisfied his desires (and hers) well-enough by interleaving their legs, and wrapping himself tightly around her nearest arm. With his face comfortably nestled into the curve of her neck, he smiled. "Thank you, Teresa."
"Thank you for what, love?"
"For letting me back into the house after my disappearing act yesterday."
With a chuckle, she playfully slapped his hip with her free arm. "Like I have ever been able to resist you, Patrick," she glimmered, with a kiss to his curls.
"No, I mean it. I know full-well what those episodes do to you. But I was panicked and had a visceral need to flee, momentarily. I don't take it lightly, your endless capacity for forgiveness when it comes to my sorry self."
"Jane..." she faltered, with emotion.
"Our conversations today have made me hopeful, but I'm still so very sorry for whatever worries I ignited – or re-ignited - in you yesterday, beautiful Teresa."
Tearing up, Lisbon folded carefully into his arms. "Thank you for that, sweetest Patrick. But, though I did momentarily find myself wallowing in old memories and worries, your honesty with me through your letter, and the wedding date card, and the mint – and your thoughtfulness at making sure I could locate you, and at making sure I was cared for in your absence. That is all proof of how different we are today than we were then. It was the reality of how honest we can be with each other, now, that gave me the courage to open the envelope in the first place. And it's that same trust, and honesty that will get us through any times when you may need to get away to think, in the future. I love you with my whole heart, Patrick, and I am fully yours." She shifted a bit. "Even your weirder qualities will never chase me away." She giggled, giving him a playful nudge after her last tease-of-a-sentence.
Grinning, and wholly soothed, Jane breathed out the deepest sigh. "That, my dear, is a tremendous relief. I love you so completely." He snuggled her neck and shoulder warmly, and massaged her legs with his, as he drifted contentedly to sleep. It was such an unbelievable feeling to be so loved and accepted by another human. Especially one as amazing and beautiful as his Lisbon.