Theme Song: Trenches - Beth Crowley

Shane quietly eased the mailbox open, slipping his letter inside. It was a last ditch effort. If the farmer could say anything… do anything to convince him to stay, he would. Anything to get rid of the numb feeling that had taken hold of his heart since he'd run into her yesterday.

His heart and mind were at war. The parsnip… her gift said that she cared. Said that she wanted to be friends… But he couldn't get the idea that she wanted to forget their night on the dock from his mind… It chased him endlessly through the dark tunnels of his sleepless night, until finally he'd come out here… To slip a letter into the mailbox of the farmer… Begging for a reason to live.

She was probably peacefully asleep right now. It would probably freak her out to know he was out there, so he didn't linger once the note had been delivered. He walked back to Marnie's ranch in the darkness… doing his best to not let it seep too deeply into his heart.

Farmer,

I found his recipe in a magazine and I thought it sounded interesting. Feel free to give me a taste if you make it. hehe.

-Shane

The farmer looked at the pepper poppers recipe in surprise. She could feel a warmth rising in her chest that she hadn't associated with Shane before. Was he… trying to be friendly with her?

She didn't have time to dwell on it for too long, however. She had some free space to plant more parsnips, and this time she was going to make some fertilizer. She had read in one of the books left behind by the previous owner that it would improve the quality of her crops. She didn't even spare much time to speak with Harvey when she ran into him on the way to Pierre's, though he seemed to be in a hurry as well.

She was almost too busy to glance at the calendar, but habit is a funny thing. Her heart skipped a beat when she saw that it was Shane's birthday.

Had he left the recipe in her mailbox as a hint to what he'd like for his birthday?

That didn't make sense. Peppers weren't in season yet, so it would be slightly ridiculous for him to expect her to make anything with them… Right?

She could have gone and bought pepper poppers from Gus, but that seemed inappropriate after receiving Shane's letter. Instead, she decided to give him some of the green beans that were ready for harvest. She could deliver the gift after her morning chores were finished.

It didn't take long. Making fertilizer from the sap she had been storing was rather simple, and she even had some of the speed-gro that the junimos had given her on hand. Surely that would aid her on her quest for five quality parsnips… Before long, her small tilled up plot was looking more and more like a proper garden.

"Hey!" the voice caused Shane to jump. "What's with the letter in my mailbox?"

That hadn't taken long. It was barely noon.

"It's almost summer. Peppers will be in season soon. Thought I'd give you a tip," he responded, heart pounding.

"Funny way of giving a tip," the farmer snorted, but he could see something of relief in her eyes.

"Whatever. Do what you want with it…" he shrugged as he walked passed her.

"We'll see what happens," she turned to walk beside him, jogging to catch up. "Anyway… I couldn't make them today, but I do have something for you."

Shane stopped, puzzled. He resisted the urge to bite her head off and tell her he didn't need anything. Maybe… Maybe she'd say something about that night…

"Happy birthday!"

Shane looked at the green beans, then at the farmer in confusion. He quickly calculated the days of the week that had gone by, and it dawned on him.

"Oh… is it my birthday today? I guess it is…" he reached down and took the vegetables from her. "Thanks. This is… nice."

"It's not peppers, but they are from my garden…" she looked up at him, as if she was waiting for a reaction of some kind.

"I'm surprised that you're still trying to make friends with me," he finally met her gaze. "Haven't I been rude enough to you yet?"

"I guess not," the farmer smiled. "You're the one sneaking onto my farm at night to leave letters in my mailbox. If you were really wanting to make an enemy of me, shouldn't you be leaving a flaming bag of dog poop on the porch or something?"

"Why would I do that?"

She shrugged, "Because you hate me?"

"I don't hate you," he shook his head. She definitely didn't remember. "I dislike your perkiness this early in the morning."

"It's afternoon."

"Whatever."

"Well maybe if you weren't out sneaking around or up late drinking, you wouldn't feel so tired," she huffed, placing her hands on her hips.

Shane smirked, shoving away her logic, "You have no right to judge my drinking habits. At least I can hold my alcohol."

"Right, well… Maybe it's best if one doesn't hold alcohol at all," she chastised him back.

He couldn't argue with that logic. Not to mention, he really had no right to tease her about how much beer she could drink without losing it. She had held up her end of their agreement and hadn't touched any alcohol since that night. He, on the other hand…

"You don't know what you're talking about. Some of us need it to cope."

"Sounds like an excuse."

"That's not how you felt that night on the dock…" he glanced back over his shoulder as the farmer stopped walking. She was giving him a look that said he'd crossed a line.

"Look… I made a mistake. That's all it was. A mistake. Whatever happened after that… Forget it. I know better now."

He tried to cover up how much it hurt, but he was too slow. He watched her face turn to surprise, then confusion as he cleared his throat, "Right. Well… Nothing that I didn't already know."

"Wait, I didn't mean… I mean, our conversation was fine! I enjoyed that, I just-"

Shane held up his hand, "Nope. It's alright. You've said enough. Stop digging yourself a grave. I know what you meant."

She sighed, relieved, "Okay. Then… Let's not bring it up again, alright."

"Fine."

"Great…"

They stood there awkwardly for a few minutes before the farmer finally said, "Anyway… I uh… I need to head up to Robin's shop to ask her a few things. I hope you have a great birthday!"

"Yep. Thanks for the reminder."

"Yeah…"

Shane hurried away after that, looking at the sky as a burning sensation rose from the pit of his stomach to his eyes, causing them to water.

He finally had his answer.

There was nothing for him here.

The farmer watched him disappear, feeling like there was something she was missing. No… She knew there was something she was missing. Between Rasmodius and Shane's behavior… No more beating around the bush. She'd ask him about it tonight, at the saloon. What exactly had happened that night on the dock? What was she forgetting?

"Where you headed?" Abigail asked as the farmer walked by Pierre's shop, heading for the stairs that led up to the community center.

"To Robin's. I'm going to ask her about building a coop on the farm," the farmer explained. "I'm not making enough just growing crops, and there's plenty of space for animals."

Abigail nodded, "The fresh mountain air is nice on a day like this. Take care!"

Robin was extremely helpful. She gave the farmer a list of materials, as well as a price quote. The farmer couldn't afford it now, but maybe in the near future…

"You may want to ask Marnie about it as well," Robin recommended. "Sometimes she refuses to sell animals to people if she doesn't feel like they're prepared for them."

"Good idea," the farmer slung her back over her shoulder. "I'll be sure to do that as well."

She didn't head to Marnie's right away, though. She decided to do a little beach combing, since the coral seemed to fetch a nice price and she needed all the help she could get if she was going to be able to save up for a coop.

Unfortunately, there wasn't much to find. A single clam shell was all she could rummage up before her combing was interrupted by Elliott.

"Not much washed up this morning," he greeted her. "But soon it will be summer. Just wait until you see the rainbow shells!"

"Yeah? Sounds pretty," the farmer smiled. "How's your day been?"

"Mine?" Elliot shrugged. "Fine. Spent most of it inside writing."

"Sounds cozy."

Elliott waved his hand back and forth in a so-so motion, "You probably wouldn't like it inside my cabin. It's dark and full of spiders."

"Really?"

"It could use a little sprucing up," he admitted. "It feels a little stuffy, sometimes. That's why I came out for some fresh air. Besides, I needed to get some food…"

Elliott's stomach rumbled to punctuate his statement and the farmer laughed, pulling out some of her green beans.

"Here… Something to tide you over on the walk to the saloon…"

"This is for me?" he asked, a sparkle in his eye. "Marvelous! I shall not perish on the road to sustenance now, thanks to your kindness!"

"Enjoy," the farmer grinned. "Next year, they'll be even better."

She continued to look around for a few minutes after Elliott left, but eventually had to give up. The beach had been raked clean. She'd have to find another way to make some money for the day… Or resign herself to the fact that it would be a low income evening.

She wanted to watch the sunset over the ocean, but knew if she was going to ask Marnie about chickens, she'd have to leave soon…

Maybe Rasmodius was right. Maybe she did need to stop and breathe a little bit.

"Hello!" Marnie greeted the farmer brightly as she walked into the shop. "What can I do for you?"

"Hey, Marnie," the farmer gave a small wave. "I came to ask you about chickens."

"Oh! Are you ready for some?"

"Not quite," she said with a head shake. "I don't have a coop… yet. But I wanted to make sure I had absolutely everything I need, so I came to ask… What else I might want?"

Marnie grinned, "Well, that I can help you with! You'll want a silo to store your hay in, obviously. There are all sorts of other devices that can make caring for the animals much, much easier… But don't you worry about those. A small coop and a place to store hay should be enough for now."

"Great," the farmer breathed. "I think I can get all that within the next few weeks."

"I might even be able to convince Shane to give you one of his special chickens… He loves raising them and I'm sure he'd be alright with giving you one… Let me go ask," Marnie stepped away from the counter and headed towards a nearby door.

"Oh, no! That's not-"

"Shane?" Marnie knocked on the door.

"Necessary…."

A few seconds went by and Marnie motioned for the farmer to wait while she stepped inside the room and gasped with an "Oh dear…"

The farmer hesitantly made her way to the door and peered inside. Marnie motioned her to come in further. Shane was passed out on the floor, multiple cans lying beside him. He stunk, as well, and the farmer couldn't help but clap a hand over her mouth and nose… both in shock and to stop herself from losing what little of her lunch was left.

"Farmer…" Marnie looked at her with pleading eyes. "Can you do something? He's out cold."

"I- uh…" the farmer hesitated, jumping when Shane made a strange groaning sound.

"Buhh…"

With a sigh, the farmer pulled her watering can from her backpack, "I'll do my best, but this might not rouse him. He seems pretty out of it… Are you sure you don't want to wait? It's his birthday and maybe this is how he wants to spend it?"

The look on Marnie's face said it all. The farmer didn't ask any more questions before pouring a can full of water onto Shane's face.

"Whaa…?!" Shane shot up, causing the farmer to jump back as he looked around, disoriented. His eyes were bloodshot and swollen. He looked awful.

"Shane!" Marnie put her hands on her hips. "What's the matter with you? All you do anymore is mope around in your room and drink beer!"

Shane groaned, turning away from his aunt, "You wouldn't understand…"

"I'm worried," Marnie turned to the farmer, who could only shrug. Things only seemed to get worse as Jas entered the room and looked at Marnie questioningly.

"What's your plan?" the older woman asked softly. "Don't you ever think about the future?"

"Plan?" Shane scoffed quietly, not glancing at any of them before muttering under his breath, "Hopefully I won't be around long enough to need a 'plan'..."

The farmer's heart dropped into her stomach, but she didn't have time to fully process her own emotional reaction. Jas immediately gave out a terrified sob before bolting from the room.

"Jas!" Marnie took off after her, looking back only briefly to give Shane one last disappointed look.

"Jas…" Shane turned to face the door, his gaze landing on the farmer for the first time as tears rained down his cheeks. "I'm sorry…"

"Why?" the farmer asked. "Why do you… why do you do this to yourself? To them?"

"I-I can't help it!" he gasped. "I can't!"

"Then get some help!" she cried, desperate to fix it… solve it before it became worse.

"We can't all have some knight come clean us up and rescue us after we've been drinking, Princess," he snapped, still gasping for breath.

"Do you know something I don't?" the farmer balled her hands into fists. "Because I feel like you keep bringing up that night on the dock, but we remember it very differently!"

"You don't remember…" Shane snorted. "Or is it that you don't want to remember?"

"Don't remember what!?" she demanded. "You keep talking like something happened that night… What was it?"

"You don't want to know."

"Stop putting words in my mouth," she cried, grabbing her watering can off the ground and splashing what little was left in his face. "Wake up! I've done nothing but be kind to you… Try to get to know you… How much more do I have to do before you realize that I do care about you!? That I want to be friends!?"

"Then why can't you remember…"

"Shane," the farmer shook her head. "You can't hold the things I don't remember against me. I'm missing memories from my entire life… Other than these past few weeks, I can barely even remember my own personality. You think I don't know what it feels like to want to be dropped into oblivion? I do… But I don't take it out on others. It's not anyone else's fault that I am the way I am… but it isn't mine either. It just is. Please… stop holding it against me. It's not fair."

"You'll never remember that night… Will you?"

The farmer hesitated, then shook her head, "Probably not. I'm sorry."

The wail he let out was enough to break the heart of anyone who heard. He clutched his head, the sobs shaking his entire body while the farmer watched, frozen. She couldn't do anything… Couldn't help. Couldn't take his pain away… But maybe he could help her remember…

He slapped her hand away when she reached out to touch his shoulder. The face of her kidnapper flashed through her mind… His unbridled rage…

She had to escape. Get out of there. Run as fast as she could.

"Y-you know where to find me if you need me…" she stammered out, rushing to the door. Once she reached it, she mustered the last of her courage before turning around to part with one final shot.

"Happy birthday, Shane…"

The look on Jas' face at his words had been a knife to the heart. The look on the farmer's face when he hit her hand away… that was the knife being twisted and driven further in. He'd messed up… And he was going to keep messing up. That's all he was… a big mess.

And messes had to be disposed of.

People would say he wasn't a mess… that there was a way to clean up without destroying himself… But they didn't understand. They didn't know what it was like to continuously fail despite your best efforts.

No… He was better off disappearing into nothing. Not today… He'd have to go apologize to Marnie and Jas and make sure they would be alright without him… But soon.

Very… Very soon.