AN: Oh my stars, I went away to study for an entrance exam and returned to messages, kudos, and comments supporting this story. That made me so happy!

Well, come along Kade, we have a long journey yet ahead.

Additionally, for purposes of clarity here's a general year breakdown of the timeline in relation to the movies, so you don't have to look it up and can track along easily:

32 BBY: A Phantom Menace
22 BBY: Attack of the Clones
22-19 BBY: Clone Wars
19 BBY: Revenge of the Sith
0 BBY: A New Hope

Chapter 5: Pictures of the Past

19 BBY

It wasn't too hard to find. She merely needed to retrace her steps.

Debris crunched between the soles of her boots and the tiled floor as she studied the remains of her lightsaber. Kade crouched low to the floor, resting her forearms on her knees, and frowned down at it. Slowly, she reached to lightly trace her fingers over the charred, jagged metal. She recalled all the lightsabers that she had lost and rebuilt over the years. This one had been good to her, somehow managing to survive the longest: throughout the entirety of the Wars.

Not a day longer, either, she noted to herself, pursing her lips into a frown, and shaking her head at the scattered pieces on the ground. During the purge, her saber had been destroyed in her hand with a lucky blaster shot. She was unable to get a good look at the actual damage before needing to flee and dropping it in the chaos. Kade had been hoping that once the situation had settled, she would be able to come back and attempt to salvage the blade.

Repair didn't look to be a promising option, however.

Sifting through the remains, Kade pulled a sharp sliver of the orange kyber from a section of the sheered casing. Little bits of kyber that had been loosened in the casing when she had wiggled the sliver free fell to the ground. The largest of the pieces, she let roll in her palm. A fine, orange powder coated her skin.

The kyber was completely unusable. "Damn it!" She cursed under her breath, letting the scraps drop from her grasp, back to the floor. Rubbing her hands clean on her knees, she could feel her jaw clenching as the realization sunk in.

Even with an intact kyber crystal, lightsabers were not an easy build. They took time, patience, and the right tools. She hadn't relished the idea of building a new one in the first place, but now seeing that the kyber had also been destroyed, it was an entirely new problem. The challenge of finding the right parts aside, obtaining a new kyber crystal would mean traveling to one of the known kyber-rich caves scattered in the galaxy. With this new Order, those areas would likely be heavily patrolled.

An impossible feat.

Kade slowly pushed herself into a stand, careful not to rise too quickly. Her nose had begun to run, watering with the heavy, unpleasant scent of death lingering in the hot air of the temple. It left her mouth sticky and dry, and her head reeling. This place is a tomb, she thought to herself sadly as she scanned the area and bodies around her. Her stomach churned, and she wiped her nose with the back of her hand.

Perhaps there was a stray lightsaber she could take from one of the dead.

Her nose curled, both with the scent and the idea. It felt immoral to even consider taking a weapon from the deceased, especially since each was specifically crafted to be unique to the user. Despite this, Kade carefully scanned the nearby bodies.

There didn't appear to be an abundance of lightsabers laying around. In fact, now that she was thinking back on it, she hadn't come across a single intact one. Kade continued to scan the area, worrying the skin on her bottom lip, teeth pulling at dry skin. The lack of sabers was disconcerting, but not altogether unexpected.

More than likely, the Clones had made their rounds after the massacre, gathering up any weapons they came across. It made sense that they would intend to keep them out of the hands of others who came back to the Temple-as she had. Lightsabers were a formidable tool, even against a highly skilled Clone. They had probably scoured the place to find every last one.

The muscles at the crook of her neck ached, and Kade reached up to massage at the tightness. The stress of the situation—the stress of the last week—had taken a deep physical toll, and it didn't look to be improving anytime soon.

A quiet voice in the back of her head tickled her thoughts. There was one lightsaber they had likely not found.

At least not, yet…

She would be lying to herself if the idea hadn't already crossed her mind—though, truthfully, she had hoped she wouldn't need to resort to taking the one weapon that she had hidden away so many years ago.

Desperate times call for desperate measures, the voice reminded her.

An uncomfortable tingle rained down her spine as a strong pull of the Force beckoned her to consider it. She wasn't left with much of a choice.

After some hesitation, and a heavy sigh, Kade willed her feet to continue through the Temple, and to make her way through into the winding corridors toward the residential halls. She hadn't completely given in to the idea, but she thought that perhaps more clarity waited for her back at her apartment, where she had hidden the saber away for safekeeping.

The familiarity of the route made for an eerie trip through the empty halls. While the War had been raging, the Temple was left to run on minimal staff, with many halls going untreaded for weeks. But this had an atypical feel. The silence now had no comforting wave of Force signatures through it. The Temple felt desolate and abandoned of all hope and warmth.

Kade took extra care to focus on keeping the sounds of her boots on the tiled floor from echoing through the empty hallways. Years of sneaking off through the Temple had given her some proficiency at this, but like many things today, the need for stealth was for a far different reason. Here, in the residential tower, the hallways were tighter and not as open as the more common areas of the Temple. The last thing she wanted to do was alert anyone to her presence and need to engage in a scuffle.

As she turned a corner, Kade took notice of the early morning daylight that shown through a window in the narrow hallway. Dust hung in the air, its statis illuminated by the rays of light. In another life, she had walked by this window a thousand times or more.

Three of the five towers were visible from this window, the city-planet in full swing of the morning around them, continuing through their own lives. Kade had always regarded Coruscant and the Temple as home. Like most Jedi, she had known no other. Just the view of the endless lights and the five towers would give her joy to see through the window of a transport when on a long mission away. Being able to reach out and skim the lifeforce of the thousands of Jedi gave her great comfort.

Everything had changed in a blink of an eye.

These were going to be very different times, Kade noted woefully, thinking of the uncertainty that the future held. After a long moment, she continued forward, rounding yet another endless corner and distracted by her own thoughts.

Her boot snagged on the white armored shin of a Clone.

The jolt startled her, and she stumbled, adrenaline pushing through her veins. Gaining her footing, Kade whipped around, hands poised to use the Force to deflect and push the Clone away from her. When she caught sight of the figure she had tripped over, however, she instinctively relaxed.

The Clone was sitting up, slumped against the wall, barely visible from around the corner where she had come. A large, gaping, burnt hole sat in the center of his chest. He appeared to have been dead for a long time, most likely since the first night.

Under normal circumstances, Kade would have been thankful to have not been caught off guard, but her breath of relief was short-lived. His armor bore a solid red belt, shoes, breast and forearm plates, and red horizontal lines across the helmet: distinctive markings of the 310th battalion.

Her battalion.

The command had been granted to her, at the beginning of the Wars—what felt like an eternity ago, now. Just days prior to the purge, her battalion had returned from a long away mission and were enjoying a short, well-deserved, shore leave on Coruscant. She had remembered seeing streaks of red markings on the night of the purge but had been in denial, and yet more, afraid to look for any of her own Clones amid the disorder. The last week, her heart would rise in her throat at the mere thought that one of her own could have played a part in the purge, especially after how close their relationships had become in the last several missions. It just didn't feel like something they would be capable of. In this case, the denial was too heavy of a pill to swallow.

Kade's eyes finally settled on the three orange stripes atop his solid red breastplate, and she found herself unable to breathe.

Throttle.

Commander Throttle had been by her side the entire length of her command. He had pledged his loyalty to her, guided her with advice, and pursed his lips at her dry humor when he tried not to laugh with her.

Kade's vision blurred and she lowered herself to the ground to prevent her knees from buckling. She still vividly recalled the night when he had painted the stripes on his breastplate. They had been several weeks into a mission, resting after a long battle and sitting around a large bonfire on Garos IV. Kade could still see his rare smile to her through the flames.

Blinking, Kade leaned forward and pulled up on his helmet, lifting it gently free from his head. The smell beneath was caustic, as his pale head lolled sickly to his shoulder. Blood had seeped from his lips, dried now, and crackled on his cheek. Kade studied the face of what looked like a million other faces.

When he was alive, Kade could easily tell him apart from his Clone brothers. He had a saunter-like way of speaking that matched the way he walked, and a unique take on battle—one of excitement to get into the bloody thick of the fighting, while also rescuing every creature that wandered into his path. He found solace after the bloodshed to count the number of stitches he was going to receive, comparing it to the number of animals he had saved. Throttle was brave, trustworthy, and kind.

And he was a friend.

Even with the betrayal, it felt wrong that Throttle was dead, too. She wouldn't have wished that on him, even if he had been the very one to turn his blaster on her.

Kade cradled his helmet in her lap. Her fingers tightly gripped the dirt-coated headpiece as her ribs felt like they might implode with the rush of emotion. She had intentionally turned a blind eye to the other dead Clones during this return to the Temple, just as she had done the night of the purge. She had wanted to avoid the pain of recognizing anyone from her battalion.

Throttle's body confirmed exactly what she had been trying to escape from this entire time. If he hadn't been able to fight the order to purge, then the others hadn't either.

Clones were created to follow orders. They were supposed to be no different from their mechanical counterparts. Yet, through the many years serving beside them, it was clear that they were their own people. They had their own distinctive personalities. They weren't just science experiments. They could make decisions for themselves, have deep emotions, and form familial bonds. They fought beside her, took blaster fire for her, and in their own way, expressed their love for her, too.

The tears stung as they fell, leaving a few little clean dots on the dirty helmet. Her head was spinning with confusion, grief, and anger. They questioned her orders all the time, the stubborn bastards, why couldn't they have made the decision to abandon their orders to kill the Jedi?

Wiping her nose on her sleeve and choking back a tremble that was threatening to take over if she stayed any longer, she willed her sorrow to take a backseat to the mission at hand and regarded Throttle once more. She could imagine him, as he always looked before a battle: Standing before her, one hand on the blaster at his hip, nodding to acknowledge his readiness to get the job done. "Full Throttle ahead, Ma'am."

She knew she couldn't stay here. Kade placed his helmet on his lap and leaned forward to place a kiss on Throttle's forehead. His skin felt ice cold, damp, and delicate. "Until we meet again, my friend." Kade blinked the last of her tears and swiped her sleeve over her face once more as she stood on shaky legs.

The steps were hard, but one foot after another, she continued down the hallway. The further she got, the lighter the Temple's stench became and the easier it was to move faster to her destination.

When she finally slowed to a stop, her eyes fixed on the electronic placard on the wall, designating the owner of the apartment. She didn't need to confirm it to know that this door, amongst the thousands of other identical ones, was hers. The Aurebesh lettering trembled as the placard flickered in almost opposite patterns from the overhead lights, struggling and fighting with the internal systems to maintain power.

Jedi Master Kade Draen

A brief, sad thought crossed her mind. Like a lot of things from her past, she would not be able to take her name with her. It seemed almost fitting for this to be the last place her name would ever exist, to be locked into the tomb of a database forever once the servers powered fully off.

She waved and the door opened surprisingly smooth. The memorable scent of her room wafted out into the stale, hot air of the Temple, and she felt a kind of consolation crash over her as she took a step inside, letting the door whoosh shut behind her, as it always had. As it closed, the door seemed to sever her from the horrors of the Temple and instead welcomed her back home to an unchanged apartment.

Her quarters were airy and open, with the living area and kitchen contained in one flowing room, with two bedrooms and their respective refreshers flanking either side of the apartment. It was generous for one person and just perfect for two. Kade had not yet been granted permission to take a padawan, so the apartment largely contained just herself.

As Kade glanced around, she could almost see a ghost of herself moving through the apartment on a typical daily routine—on a day with far fewer burdens: She would come into the apartment and veer to the immediate left to the open kitchen to make a cup of tea, before settling onto her couch to stare out the window into the city planet. Then, she would inevitably find herself curled under a cozy blanket, checking her holo messages, and relaxing into the night.

If she closed her eyes, Kade could almost pretend that the last week had never happened and that she could fall right back into her old routine. How wonderful a cup of Yoriflower tea sounded, right now.

Melancholy seeped through her all the same, and Kade longed to visit her refresher to scrub off the events of the purge, to wash the smell of death that had permeated her clothes and hair. A long hot refresh always seemed to make a huge difference after a long mission. Coming home this time was different, however, and she knew she would find little relief in such comforts.

A long, hot refresher visit would not turn back the clock.

Taking a deep breath, Kade redirected her attention to an unremarkable metal box tucked away on a shelf, in the far corner of her living room. The shelf held nothing but the box and sat directly above a simple work desk.

She had come here for a reason, not just to reminisce.

Her spine began to prickle as she felt the pull of the Force, more defined than from earlier. The box had been calling to her, the whispering in her ear beckoning louder and louder as her footsteps neared closer to it.

Kade swallowed and elongated out her neck, side to side, trying again to stretch the discomfort from her stiff shoulders. She had kept the relic as a reminder of her choice to remain with the Republic; to remind her that even in the darkest of her days, she would always choose to remain with the protectors of the galaxy.

Today, as if sensing her arrival, and undoubtedly feeding off the energy within the last week—energy it had been deprived of for so long—the saber practically begged her to open the box.

It begged to not be left behind.

Truthfully, Jedi weren't supposed to form attachments and keep mementos or trophies. Yet, she had always been unable to part with it. Both Kenobi and Mace had questioned her choice, as they were unable to fully appreciate keeping such a relic—let alone one that had negative memories and energies deeply etched into it. They had urged her to destroy it, but she couldn't bring herself to such finality.

Neither of them had experienced the dark side of the Force as she had. Neither of them had felt themselves constantly shift in the Force between the two sides, struggling to maintain their footing. Neither of them had experiences that sometimes left them questioning their faith in the Jedi.

Kade stepped forward, reaching up and dragging the box from the shelf. She set it carefully on her desk and ran her fingers over the smooth metal of the box. Kade weighed her options once more. She needed a saber and in the off chance that she found one in this tomb of an academy, taking someone else's lightsaber felt incredibly like a disservice to those who perished in the purge. On the other hand, it was going to be incredibly dangerous and time-consuming to build a new one again.

So, why go through all the trouble and potentially put her companions at risk when she had a perfectly good saber here at her disposal?

All she needed to do was pick it up.

Kade closed her eyes and tried to center herself. She pressed her palms down on the lid as if the box's contents could break free.

Taking this saber would not come without its consequences.

The saber was made with dark side energies meditated over it throughout a lifetime. The blade would forever be tainted, no matter how hard she mediated in the reverse—her past attempts had proven that.

Additionally, those who were closely tied to Kade, and who knew of her struggles with the dark side, naturally wouldn't approve. Bant, especially, wouldn't understand the choice. She would undoubtedly chide Kade and remind her that being around dark-side energy was dangerous, especially for those who had a history of faltering.

But even with her former hesitations, Kade always, and ultimately, chose the right path.

Eyelids fluttering open, Kade relaxed her hands and stared down at her white knuckles.

Something inside her had told her to keep the saber in her possession all these years: this had to be the reason. Nothing else made sense, and the Force hadn't led her wrong before. She needed to trust this feeling that had led her here.

Holding her breath, she carefully opened the box with both hands. A bronze and black lightsaber sat nestled in the center. The saber was admittedly not her style. It was plain and crude. With her previous lightsabers, Kade had spent weeks intricately carving details on the hilt. A wayward tradition she had started as a youngling who was eager to learn the blade forms but not eager to pay attention to her other studies.

The hilt was heavy in her hand as she reached in for it, carefully turning it over in her palm and testing the weight. Several years had come and gone since she had last held this saber in her hands. The grip was bigger than what she was comfortable with using, but she supposed it was something she could get accustomed to with time.

It hadn't been built for her.

She held her arm extended to her side and ignited the blade with a simple press of a button. Flinching as a red blade shot to life, Kade watched the electric tendrils from an unfocused crystal undulate and release along the edges of the blade. With a little fine-tuning, she thought, she could easily focus it. The saber's former Master did not care to spend the time to achieve a smooth blade.

Twisting her wrist, she stared down the edge of the blade, feeling the heat emanating from it. She had meditated over the crystal for months before locking it away in the box. Despite the time spent with it, she had been unsuccessful in her attempts to heal the kyber. Though, over the years of sitting within the confines of the Temple, surrounded by the positive force energy of the Temple, the crystal had visibly faded—the red blade was not nearly as vibrant as the day she acquired it, but the color was still conspicuously red.

Perhaps, with more time, the kyber would fully heal.

Waving the blade and adjusting her grip to find a more comfortable position in her hand, Kade chewed on the inside of her cheek. She thought of the first and only time that she had used this saber in battle. Kade conjured images of his figure—the blade's former Master. It wasn't difficult to remember the expression on his face when she thrust the blade into him, as the reflection of herself in his eyes had been permanently burned into her mind. His likeness often visited her in her sleep.

Anger bubbled unexpectedly up into her chest, threatening to break loose in her throat. But not at the blade's former master. Kade was angry at herself. She had outright deceived him and took full advantage of his weakness for her to strike him down. Killing him felt decidedly wrong, but Jedi were supposed to kill the Sith—so what choice had she had?

Had she acted no better than her Clones? Subjected to an internal order and unable to fight against it?

She stared deeply into the flickering red blade. The anger in her chest felt like it was expanding, consuming the events and memories of the day, feeding off the sorrow she had felt as she walked through the Temple, the loss of her Jedi companions, her Clone companions, and the loneliness that was beginning to take hold of her, as her whole world crumbled to rubble around her.

On her belt, Kade's communicator beeped, startling her out of her own thoughts. Disengaging the lightsaber with one hand, she shakily answered her communicator with the other.

"Kade," Bant's soothing voice came over the little cylindrical communicator. "We're all powered up and ready to go,"

Catching her breath and finding the clip on her belt to hook the saber on, Kade replied, "Good, I'm nearly finished here, there's no one left alive," Kade cleared her throat. "I'll make my way to you."

Kade must have been gone longer than anticipated. Physically shaking off her discomfort, and replacing her communicator, Kade realized that she felt oddly better having this lightsaber at her side. Furrowing her brow, she stared down at it, hanging on her belt so perfectly that it felt like it had belonged there all along. In fact, it suddenly seemed so silly to have felt hesitant to retrieve it.

With some semblance of relief, Kade turned towards her apartment one last time and took a moment to breathe in the comfortable smell of her familiar things. This would be the last time she would anticipate ever being back here on Coruscant, let alone her apartment.

Along the back of her couch in the center of the room, Kade found herself gripping at the unbelievably soft throw blanket that Obi-wan had once gifted her. It was neatly folded, patiently waiting to keep her warm on the chilliest of nights. For a brief moment, she considered bringing it with her. It contained a trove of wonderful memories.

Sliding the fuzzy material between her fingers, she attempted to commit to memory the feel of the blanket and the feelings that it stirred in her. She could almost imagine seeing Obi-wan sitting opposite the couch from her, drinking his tea while they quietly made small talk, both cozily under the blanket. His thumb running across his mustache, wiping the warm liquid from his lips.

The image of him made her smile.

As she stared at his usual spot on the couch, a framed holo-vid on the side table, caught her eye. It was a holo of her and all her childhood friends as older teenagers, all seated in the refractory, huddled together. Some of them were leaning far over the table, trying to get into the frame for the picture. To Kade, it felt like it was taken more than a lifetime ago—when their worries had been so trivial.

Kade strode forward, picking it up and smiling down at the faces looking back at her. Bant, Garen, Reef, Siri, Obi-wan, Quin, and Kade. Everyone looked so naïve in this picture, completely unaware of the horrible future that awaited them mere years away.

Her fingers skimmed over the glass atop the holo-image. She missed those days; the days of pure innocence and problems that seemed so large but were incredibly minuscule in comparison to what was going on in the universe.

37 BBY

"Blue leader to Red leader," Quinlan Vos announced confidently, narrowing his eyes, and focusing intently on his target. He watched the target move steadily toward him, but no answer came in reply. "Red leader, come in," He repeated, moving his head in motion with his target, who was now actively anticipating his moves. "I'm preparing for the deployment of missiles to target."

Quinlan carefully lifted an allonberry from his meal tray and rolled the dense, dark purple fruit between his fingers as he took aim. "Firing!"

Kade had seen the attack coming as she approached the table where her friends were already seated, she mockingly dodged invisible laser fire while trying to balance her full meal tray. These days, she often took her midday meal in the arena or in her shared apartment with Mace, but today, she had gotten an invitation to join the gang in the refractory. It was a rare moment when everyone was on-world.

Stopping in her tracks when she saw Quin draw back his wrist, Kade lifted a playful eyebrow and quirked a smile, accepting his challenge. Much to the chagrin of Master Wain, the refractory's main chef, this wasn't the first time they had all played this game together.

Gripping her tray tighter, she opened her mouth as the allonberry flew through the air towards her. Quin had good aim, but this one was going to fall a little short. Kade stepped quickly forward and leaned down to catch it in her mouth. It hit her tongue, the sweet juices popping as she bit down. She widely smiled at Quin, pleased at her successful catch.

Garen laughed loudly beside Quin and gave his arm a good shake. "Nice aim, Vos!"

"Nice catch." Quin corrected, his eyes on Kade, as he gestured with an open palm to the open seat on the opposite end of the table from him.

Stepping into the benched table, Kade set down her tray and brushed the escaped frizz of her braid behind her ear before unwrapping her silverware. She glanced around the table. To her right, sat Bant and Reeft. Quinn was directly across the table and beside Garen sat Obi-wan and Siri. Everyone looked to be in a cheery mood this midday and the smiles were indeed infectious.

"Ooh, I like this game. Me next!" Reef clapped his hands and leaned over his tray to stare at Quin.

Without so much as a second thought, Garen plucked an allonberry from his own tray and flung it in a high arch towards him.

Reeft loudly bit at the air before catching the berry in his mouth. He wiggled happily, chewing with his mouth open, and playfully leaned into a laughing Bant.

"Welcome to the party." Quin quirked a half smile at Kade when she glanced back his way.

She studied the man across the table from her, who was pushing the remaining bits of food left on his tray around with his fingers and carefully watching out of the corner of his eye for more flying allonberries.

After a certain age, Jedi were allowed to wear a modified version of the traditional robes, dependent on their species requirements, cultural values, or personal preference. Quin had recently aged into that category, and he had chosen a daily-wear tunic that was missing its sleeves, exposing his large arm muscles that sat tight against his dark skin.

Kade watched his bare bicep move under the skin as he crossed his arms, resting them on the table between himself and his tray. She had seen him shirtless plenty of times in the past, as they swam in the lake levels, but today it seemed completely novel. Quin was a little older than the rest of the group, and his body was showing it. Well-built, he had grown into a handsome man with the confidence to match—the tunic change exposed more than just his skin, it signified his move into adulthood.

Taking a deliberate bite of her meal, Kade gestured to him with her fork. "That's new," she commented with a full cheek.

"It sure is!" Siri commented from further down the table, her short blond hair bouncing against her shoulders while she spoke, "Quin's already been called out for being distracting, today," She threw a wink at Quin when looked up to regard her.

Obi-wan, next to Siri, rolled his eyes and scoffed.

"They're just arms," Reeft noted, disinterested, dragging a finger over his empty tray, and licking at the remaining crumbs that stuck to him.

Bant rested her head on Reeft's shoulder, mockingly oogling Quin, "Yes, but they're Quin's arms,"

Quin let out a chortle, a slight blush filling out across his nose. After a short moment, seemingly to gather himself, he wiggled his eyebrows at Bant and made a playful remark before launching a berry at her.

With a smirk, Kade took a few more bites of her meal and relished the spirited atmosphere of her friends. It was a refreshing change from an intense morning of Mace hovering over her while she did her bookwork. Decidedly, there was a time and a place for seriousness, but she didn't think that it should last all day long.

Sadly, their established gang was spending less and less time together over the last few years, as growing older meant the addition of individual responsibilities to their various studies. Midday meals with all of them together and occasional night excursions were becoming rarer, and far more treasured.

Resting her fork on the edge of her tray, Kade offered her puff cake to Reeft. She had long stopped listening to the mischievous comments and berry tossing around the table when she noticed Obi-wan shifting uncomfortably in his seat.

Gesturing to Quin, Obi-wan joined in the conversation.

She found herself watching the way Obi-wan's eyebrows furrowed above his blue eyes, and the way his lips moved against his words. When his gaze momentarily flicked to hers, she felt her stomach flutter and her own lips rose to a smile, but he had already looked away.

Over the last two years, something had shifted with her—some mysterious feeling stemming from the night Obi-wan had returned from Mandalore. As a youngling and prior to the last two years, Obi-wan and her had always been close, emotionally and physically, but that time going to the lake felt different from the other times they had been together. Kade replayed that moment in her head often, reliving that feeling when he had pulled her against the wall, protectively pressing himself into her. She could still recall the feeling of his rough tunic in her fingers, and the feel of his breath against her face. Her daydreams of that brief moment always sent her heart racing against her chest and pleasant tingles down to her core.

Since that night, and many daydreams later, Kade began to find her confidence weak around him. She found herself fussing over her appearance and stumbled over conversations often enough that she began rehearsing imaginary dialogues with him in her nightly refresher.

Truthfully, Kade was trying to be a good padawan and pay attention to her studies, as Mace was riding her hard to get her ready for the Knighthood Trials sometime in the next year. She had tried not to become infatuated, but the more she was around him, the bigger of a distraction he was becoming—even more of a distraction than Quin's newly bare arms.

All the years together, she knew she deeply cared about Obi-wan as a good friend. This new blossoming feeling, however, was rapidly evolving into a desire to be closer than just plutonic. It grew more and more each day, with every smile, with every friendly banter, and with every mere hint of her name on his lips.

Jedi weren't necessarily forbidden to engage in relationships, but it certainly wasn't encouraged nor flaunted. Kad had been waiting for the right opportunity to pull him into an abandoned section of the Temple, to confess to him how she felt and gauge his reaction. Obi-wan was hard to read, as his affection always held the same friendly tone with nearly everyone in the gang. Sometimes, though, she would catch him gazing at her or hugging her just slightly longer than the others. Subconsciously, she kept a tally of the small differences in how he treated her, and she couldn't stop herself from using those variances to fuel the hope that maybe he felt the same.

Feeling a blush form at the thought, she imagined confessing to him right now. She imagined placing her hands on the table and boldly shoving herself into a stand. "Obi," She would start, loudly, over all the conversations, and waiting until everyone in the refractory froze, suspended in time, "I can't keep this to myself anymore. I care about you. Like really care! I need to know if you feel the same," At this point, Obi-wan would stop any further declaration by giving his signature toothy grin and quickly rising to meet her around the table. "You know I do, Kade," He would reply, taking her face in his hands and silencing her further with his lips.

An allonberry hit her square in the nose.

Blinking, Kade looked up to see everyone at the table staring at her.

"Well?" Bant asked, gazing quizzically at her.

Panic shot through her at the realization that she had been completely caught off guard, frivolously daydreaming about very un-jedi-like behavior. Swallowing nervously and feeling her blush trickle across her face, around her ears, and down her neck, Kade stuttered, "I—I… I didn't hear the question," Kade cleared her throat and looked around for the fallen berry. It had dropped from the table and rolled onto the floor.

"Damn, where did you go, Draen?" Garen laughed, "We were talking about our mission schedules. Reeft, Quin, and I are scheduled to go off-world for a bit, I suggested we take a quick holo-vid before Master Wain kicks us out of his refractory. Who knows when we'll all be back in town!"

"Oh," Kade stood up from her seat to fetch the berry that had rolled half a table away. She couldn't quite figure out how the conversation had turned from discussing Quin's arms to off-world schedules, but she guessed it didn't matter. Holo-vids were Garen's newest hobby—he documented everything from interesting architectural finds on various worlds to lightsaber spars. "Sure," Kade agreed, reluctantly.

A youngling padawan rushed behind her, skimming narrowly against the back of her tunic, running to catch up with a friend waving from the entrance to the refractory. Caught up in his sense of urgency, he unknowingly stepped on the berry.

Cursing under her breath, Kade crouched down, frowning at the squished berry that only seconds ago was whole. If Master Wain caught them throwing berries, let alone finding a squished one on the ground during clean-up, he would have a fit.

"Are you going to eat it?" Reeft inquired, leaning back to look at Kade.

Peeling the fruit from the tile, she frowned further up at Reeft, "Off the floor?—" Her brief disgust for the question was cut off by the vantage point she had from the ground. On her knees, she could see clearly under their table. She could see everyone's booted feet, the dark and light of their trousers, and one particular hand on top of another.

The group did tend to set fairly close together, so it only made sense that it was a fluke. Obi-wan's hand must have accidentally strayed on top of Siri's.

Despite trying to reassure herself, she felt her stomach drop, and torturously flicked her gaze up to regard the two. They were looking at one another with soft expressions and gentle smiles. Siri looked down at their joined hands and sheepishly brushed her short hair behind one ear.

Of course, they would look at each other if their hands touched, Kade reminded herself heavily scrutinizing the newly darkened spot on the cream tile. She used her sleeve to wipe up the remaining spot of berry juice on the floor. To be extra sure of her own resolve, she took one last discreet peak at their hands, expecting them to have pulled apart.

Instead, Obi-wan's hand tensed, giving a little squeeze to the hand beneath it.

The air felt like it had been taken out of her lungs and her head whirled with this new information. Standing up far too quickly, Kade felt instantly nauseous as she shakily sat back in her seat. Hurriedly wiping the squished berry off on her tray, she stared down at her hands. Her forefinger and thumb were stained with a dark purple juice.

She tried to tell herself it was an innocent mishap, but her stomach wouldn't settle, forming a bubble in her throat.

It didn't feel fair, and yet somehow made sense that Obi-wan would fall for Siri. She was the last to join their little group, and the youngest, with perfect yellow hair and intelligence to match her beautiful features. Obi-wan and Siri had been lucky enough to pair up on several missions in the last couple of years and had been spending more time than usual together. Kade hadn't thought about it too much until now.

The conjuring thought of Obi-wan being intimate with anyone else felt like a vice in her chest. Her daydreams shattered around her, Siri standing now in Kade's position, with Kade frozen in time, helpless to watch.

Aggressively chewing on the inside of her cheek, Kade suddenly couldn't wait to get back into the arena for her midday practice. The physical activity and muscle pain would do wonders to take her mind off of this for a little while. Weighted staffs were particularly the bane of her arena training, especially when sparring with a partner. The heaviness wore her down faster and the hits left dark bruises. Today, Kade couldn't wait to feel a little pain. Anything to take her mind from him.

She felt a little kick under the table, and her eyes met with Quin. His brows furrowed in concern, his stare intense as if he had just read her mind. Without making a noise, he mouthed out to her, "Are you okay?"

Brushing her stained fingers off on her napkin, she choked back the knot in her throat and nodded. She wanted to shrink to be the size of the berries on her plate or escape out the refractory's door, especially now that her emotions were showing on her face. But Garen was standing now, data pad in hand, asking them all to gather in closer for his Holo-vid.

"Hoth Cats!" Garen chimed, urging them to smile on cue.

Quinlan reached across the table, placing his hand over Kade's hand as Bant leaned back, wrapping an arm at an awkward angle around her. "Hoth Cats!" They cheered together as Kade forced a smile that she didn't mean.