Yo!

I have a special announcement this week: There's a double chapter release! Yep, chapters 32 and 33 will be going up tonight(which is not technically my release date, but I'm sick so I'm doing this early so that I can sleep in tomorrow lol). I'll be putting this same note on 33.

Anyways, without further ado...

Chapter 32

The Vytal Festival was officially on the horizon.

It was evident in the way that faculty all over the school hung banners welcoming in the last arrivals to Beacon. Evident in the way that students from all over the world now wandered the halls, intermingling into lessons and lives interchangeably.

It was evident in the way that Cinder's chest constricted every once in a while, when she remembered just what it was would happen, come the Vytal Festival itself.

The White Fang. The Atlesian Knights.

The Maiden in the vault sleeping below.

All of it…

In… in what? In a single months' time?

It felt too quick. It felt like time had snuck up on her.

And yet, no. Time simply moved, as it always did.

And now here she was.

Currently, Cinder Fall was having a small crisis. Or, well, she supposed she was having a large crisis – that being realizing that her two disparate lives were on a collision course – and a smaller, more minor crisis, that being that she was pretty sure Emerald and Mercury were both hiding something from her.

They'd simply been… jumpy recently. The both of them had been far too quick to spout out an excuse where one wasn't really required. The both of them had been seemingly avoiding her – or perhaps they were simply choosing paths that she wasn't walking, but what were the chances of that continuously happening over the course of a week or so? – and perhaps most importantly…

Neither seemed to be able to look her in the eye.

It was a subtle thing, but it had Cinder feeling more and more unnerved. Added onto that her worries about Glynda, and…

Well, yes. Cinder Fall was rather stressed.

She really should've cherished that brief week-long window where things had been great. Perhaps she should have known it couldn't last.

Her life was never so simple.

It was as she was lamenting this and that that a presence was felt, and she recognized the cadence of steps coming up on her from behind. She'd begun to reacclimate herself to her old, almost paranoid instincts recently. Things like this, recognizing a pursuer by their footsteps, things she'd once taught herself in the service of Salem, were coming back to her.

"What, Pyrrha?" She sighed out, turning to see the girl wave at her rather guiltily.

"Oh, well… You just looked… bothered, I suppose?"

Cinder really wanted to deny that, but she had been told on multiple occasions that her poker face left quite a bit to be desired.

And Pyrrha Nikos was, at the very least, someone who wouldn't go spilling her secrets behind her back. Nor would she be going to her team and filling them in on what Cinder had said.

And so, again, she found herself venting to her.

"I have recently begun to grow suspicious of my teammates." Cinder let out quietly as the two of them snaked down the corridors of Beacon, and out unto the courtyard.

It was a crisp day at the very edge of spring. The temperatures in Vale were beginning to grow warmer, leaving behind the hail and snow of winter. There were many people out and about, but Cinder knew from experience that looking like one had something to hide was a rather easy way to project to people that one had something to hide.

Pyrrha nodded her head, although the movement was somewhat stunted. The two of them moved towards the gardens, and yet, on the way, Cinder found her eyes widening somewhat as she spied a particular bench.

She'd almost forgotten, somehow, the temper tantrum she'd thrown on that night, what felt like ages ago now. It couldn't have been any longer than a few months ago, and yet…

It had been Pyrrha Nikos, then, too. She had been the one to come out, and try and help her. she had been the one to mend the things that Cinder had broken, to make them good as new.

Or, well, not good as new. She'd bent them back into shape as best she could, but the fact that Cinder had broken them still showed. The bench she'd melted and warped had rather clearly seen better days. Even though people sat upon it, it leant slightly towards one side at a 5 or so degree angle. Enough to be noticeable. Enough to be unfavorable to the general public of Beacon. Most avoided the bench altogether.

Perhaps it was set to be replaced sometime soon.

Pyrrha had expended all that effort on a thing that would soon be thrown away.

"You believe they're hiding something from you, then?"

She snapped back into the present as Pyrrha brought the conversation moving forward, and she turned to see her companion looking at her quizzically.

Cinder nodded. "It is… I am not entirely sure what either Mercury or Emerald would have to hide from me. I am… there are extenuating circumstances I will not inform you of, but I believe that anything they have that bothers or concerns them could and should come through me. That it hasn't, or that they think they cannot tell me, is… concerning."

"Mm. I understand. You're worried about them, then?"

That was… not entirely it, no. Pyrrha Nikos, as always, assumed the very best of her. Assumed her to be like any other team leader. Someone who wanted the best for her teammates, and wanted to see them succeed without being burdened by their troubles.

She did not know that Cinder held only concerns for herself. That she was troubled by their keeping things from her because of what that might mean for her.

"Something like that." She spoke eventually, watching as Pyrrha pursed her lips, and then spoke herself.

"Actually… I believe I understand what you're going through." Pyrrha said. "It might not be to quite the same degree, but the members of my team, and of team RWBY, are starting to suspect Jaune and Blake of something as of late. It's… I suppose it's not terribly unusual that the two could've become friends, but they seem oddly secretive about something or another."

"…Perhaps they're merely sleeping together?"

Pyrrha glared her way.

"It was just a thought."

"It was a bad thought."

Cinder shrugged. Pyrrha shook her head with a groan, just a little bit of that true personality that she hid deep within her perfect façade leaking out.

"…You know, Cinder, you can come to me if you have concerns. I know you're not the most open person on Remnant, but you're my friend. You're someone I trust. I want you to feel the same for me."

…Cinder was not quite sure how she was meant to respond to such a statement. She didn't entirely even know what it was that she herself felt in response to it. There was just…

Just a tiny little ball of emotion writhing in her chest at that. As, again, something reminded her that she didn't have long. That in a month, all of this would come to an end. That when she went to bed that evening, she'd cross off yet another day. Yet another tally.

Closer and closer to the end.

"Yes. I understand. I'll… I'll come to you with my concerns." She lied.

And Pyrrha Nikos smiled. "I'm glad to hear that. Now, is there anything else you wanted to talk about?"

…No. Cinder had nothing she wanted to discuss. Nothing she could discuss. She was rather clearly thinking hard about something, and she had no doubt that Pyrrha could tell she was holding something back.

But… she could not say a word.

So instead, she drew the girl's attention away.

"How did your date with Arc go?"

Pyrrha's face lit up red, and Cinder found herself smiling.

Even if it felt like running away, listening to the girl bluster on and on about how fantastic it had been, despite how awkward they'd both acted, and despite how much it sounded to Cinder like the first date of a pair of middle school students…

She allowed Pyrrha's story to consume her. To consume her worries. To, just for a while, think about nothing more than a life of childish romance.

And she tried not to let the small knot of jealousy in her heart fester.

/

Emerald hadn't really been thinking about the fact that her life had to, by all accounts, return to normal after what she'd learned.

After all, it wasn't the kind of thing that was world-shattering – despite that it very much felt so for Emerald – nor did it affect anyone else besides herself. And even her… even her it perhaps should not have affected as much as it did.

But Emerald was fragile. She felt too deeply. Cared too deeply. She had known it was her weakness far before Cinder had abused it. Had known she had to hold back on what her heart desired long before she'd found her in that alleyway trying to run from a mistake.

And because of that fragility… she wasn't entirely ready yet for it to just be… a normal day. For things to return to normal.

For Penny Polendina and Ruby Rose to walk up to her after class, waving casually, and asking whether or not she'd like to join them for a study session.

The rather obvious answer was to say "No" and go and find a corner to hide in.

Unfortunately, Emerald had another weakness.

It was that she was far too easy.

And so, after Penny said disappointedly that if Emerald was busy, she was fine to go about her business, she caved, and found herself in the library alongside the other two girls, sighing as she tried to bury her head in a book.

At least CFVY wasn't here. She had no doubt that Yatsuhashi or Fox could've read in an instant that something was wrong. Or that Coco wouldn't have shot her a look over the top of her glasses, pulling them down and raising an eyebrow at her until she caved in and spoke the truth.

…Except she couldn't speak the truth, could she?

No. The root of this was something far too personal, far too interconnected with… everything else going on in her life for Penny, for Ruby, for anyone to know about.

Especially not Cinder.

It was as she went over a question about geometry with Ruby that Penny, in all her blunt and clueless glory, said, "Friend Emerald, is something the matter?"

Ruby might not have noticed – the girl was socially awkward at the best of times, and not particularly versed in the niceties of such things, either – but Penny had a terribly precise eye for these sorts of things. Of course, she couldn't have fooled her, could she have?

"It's nothing, Penny." She tried to deflect, hoping she might be able to distract her if she brought the girl's focus back to the task at hand. "We should probably focus on our assignments, no? Isn't there an end of semester quiz coming up?"

"Indeed, there is, but I am confident in the work I have put in thus far!" Penny did a pose, before leaning forward and staring at her intently. "Now please, friend, is there anything I can assist you with?"

Emerald had to stifle an annoyed huff, because it really wasn't Penny's fault that she was worried about her, nor was it her fault that she didn't understand social ques.

…It was a little bit her fault that General Ironwood glared her way whenever the two of them were seen together, and it was also a little bit her fault that she had so little free time with the girl constantly wanting to hang out, and it was a little bit her fault that her team wouldn't stop yammering on about how she'd slept with the weird girl from Atlas, and–

Emerald just shook her head.

"There's nothing that relates to you, Penny." She said instead of voicing any of her thoughts. "I have concerns regarding someone that don't involve you in any way."

"I see." Penny nodded her head, even if she seemed dissatisfied. "May I ask you a question, friend?"

She shrugged. "Why not."

"I am not sure why I would not–"

"It's a turn of phrase." Emerald sighed, just the smallest bit annoyed at everything going on, and doing her best not to take it out on Penny, because if there was anyone who didn't deserve her annoyance right now, it was her. "Yes, you can ask a question."

Penny nodded, but there was a small bit of hesitancy about her expression now that Emerald felt guilt for.

"Is the person you are concerned about Ms. Goodwitch?"

Emerald choked on a breath, and it felt like she couldn't take in air for a moment.

She played her heart close to her chest. Above all else, she didn't want others to know about her problems. She didn't want them to know what lurked within her heart, no matter how obvious she was about it. She was weak, and she was easy, and she cared far more than she'd have liked to.

And deep down, some part of Emerald hated that about herself.

…Even if Ms. Goodwitch told her that she was too hard on herself. That she was wonderful, and smart, and loyal. Those words always brought a smile to her face, no matter how many times she remembered them.

…But what if they were all a lie?

It was that same thinking that had been eating away at her. That maybe it was all just a story meant to make her lower her guard. It was all just fake. No more real than the affections of the girl she'd once known who'd planted a knife to the right of her spine. No more real than the way Cinder used to look at her, without an ounce of care, only appraising, as if measuring her value.

…It hurt her more than she cared to admit that there was a possibility it was a fabrication.

And it felt like every day, the thought that was the case only grew more convincing.

With anyone else, she wouldn't have been able to play off that silence as anything but an admission, but with Penny, she hoped she might be able to claim otherwise.

"No, that's not it, Penny." Emerald said, doing her best to fake a brighter expression. "Thank you for worrying, but I'm really okay."

Penny studied her for a moment. Just kind of stared at her and tilted her head from side to side like some kind of dog. Ruby was looking up at her as well, and Emerald felt like some kind of lab experiment as they tried to dissect her with their eyes.

"Guys, I'm fine, really."

"Uhm… Emerald, it's just…"

They clearly didn't believe her. Emerald, once again, reminded herself that it wasn't their fault that she felt this way, no matter how annoyed she was at them for continuing to read into her problems despite her telling them not to.

…Was that not a fair reason to be angry? She didn't want their help, or their sympathy, or anything.

She just wanted to be left alone.

For what? Some part of her asked, and Emerald found herself scowling as she realized that she didn't have a decent answer to that question.

"It is clear you are not fine." Penny stated with absolute surety.

"W-What Penny's saying is… we wanna help you." Ruby clarified, seeming a bit nervous. "You've been down for the past few days. But it only feels like it's been getting worse. And every time you see Ms. Goodwitch in the halls, you keep avoiding her. It's… not that hard to see that something happened."

Emerald bit down on her bottom lip as they kept going on and on.

"You can tell us. Please." Ruby tried for an easy smile. "We're your fri–"

"Stop."

It felt like all sound in the entire library faded, despite the way that likely nothing actually changed aside from Ruby Rose taking a sharp breath, and very quickly going quiet. Emerald felt like an ass the moment the words had left her lips, and she took a breath to try and steady herself, lest she collapse further.

That could not happen. No matter what it was that lurked beneath the surface of her psyche, she had to at least present as strong. Their cover in Beacon depended on it.

…When had been the last time she'd thought about such a thing? When was the last time she'd so much as considered the actions she needed to take for their mission without first thinking about how that made her feel anxious, worried, a veritable wreck. When had the finale of their time at Beacon become something that she'd dreaded more than looked forward to?

When had this place gone and become so…

No… Emerald knew when. It had all been because of her. Because of Ms. Goodwitch. She'd taken her aside, and lied to her, told her she cared about her, when it was all just an act, a ploy to make her reveal herself so that she might discover the truth of their team. It was a good plan. The kind of thing that Cinder would've thought up for Emerald and Mercury. Perhaps in another life the two of them would've been forced to make friends with Team's RWBY and JNPR, gotten close to them, observed them and seen what made them tick, and then abused those feelings.

Just like Ms. Goodwitch had, learning of her, making her into this soft thing, bringing back her shattered heart and mending it and caring for it and promising it that it was okay to not hide away and then… and then she'd…

"Oh… okay." Ruby's voice brought her out of her own head. "S-Sorry, I didn't mean to…"

"No, it's…" Emerald took a deep, semi-soothing breath, doing her best to avoid boiling over. She'd been too close there. Too close to letting loose on what lurked within her. It wasn't Ruby's fault.

No. It was, like always, Emerald's fault. Ruby was upset because of her, she'd hurt Penny's feelings, if she were only a little bit better of a person, then she wouldn't have done such a thing. And if she were a better person, then maybe that girl she'd cared so much about wouldn't have had to cut her off the moment she became a liability. Maybe then Cinder would've cared about her as more than a weapon and a tool. Maybe then Ms. Goodwitch would've really loved her like she–

"Friend Emerald?" Penny placed her face directly in front of Emerald's, making her jump, and bite down on her tongue. It hurt, only adding yet another thing for her to try and hold back. "If there is something the matter–"

"I'm fine." Her patience was rapidly dwindling. She wasn't sure how much she had left. "Just… let's focus on our work… We have an end of semester exam coming up, right?" She spoke with feigned enthusiasm. "And sure, Penny, I'm positive that with your perfect brain you could probably manage without it, but some of the rest of us actually have to try to be that good, so…"

No… no, she was taking her anger out on Penny. It wasn't…

Okay, some of it was her fault. She kept prodding, and poking, and placing more and more weight upon Emerald's back to the point that she felt her spine might snap at the slightest increase. And surely, the reason her tongue was bleeding now was her fault, but that was on Emerald, really. Her aura would heal that.

Right. This was all just Emerald's fault. Breath in. Breathe out. Breathe in…

It wasn't working. She needed to leave. She had to come up with some excuse to get out of here, or else she was going to blow a fuse.

She reached towards her books and ignored the way that Ruby looked at her with such a downtrodden expression. She ignored the way that Penny seemed to be reaching towards her head, mumbling something about how her brain wasn't perfect, and way to fucking go there, Emerald, excellent work hurting your friends feelings, it's your fault, just like it always is, and–

She breathed out. She was unravelling. If someone said anything else. Anything… anything… she was going to–

"I-I'm sorry, Emerald. I didn't mean to make you feel like you couldn't stay. I–"

"Again, you're fine, Ruby." It was the last of her patience. All she had left. "As am I. Everything's fine. You're fine, Penny's fine, I'm fine–

"Your heartrate is severely elevated, friend Emerald. You are not fine at all–"

One last little straw.

Her back broke.

"Shut up!"

The words had come pouring from her lips before she could think to do anything else, but now, now that the damn had broken, it was like the torrent had been released. Emerald's body was alight with fire, fervor, fury at the two in front of her. they'd caused this. It was their fault. Their fault that she was inadequate and everyone hated her and Ms. Goodwitch never loved her–

"I do not want to fucking talk about it, is that not obvious to the two of you!?" She screamed far too loudly, and even though she knew she was making a mistake, even though some part of her knew she was making a terrible error, she rounded on the two of them regardless. "Just for once in your damned life, can you learn to take a fucking hint!?"

Penny's eyes were wide, as were Ruby's, and Emerald could spy tears playing about the latter's.

Oh, what a grand job she was doing of playing the villain she was supposed to be, now. This was perhaps the closest she'd come to serving under Cinder's original plan since she'd arrived in Beacon.

She felt like the scum of the earth. She felt like worse than that.

"Leave…" She looked away, grinding her teeth together, feeling like a goddammed bastard. "Just leave me alone. I'm fine." She spat.

She grabbed her things, and shuffled them under her arm in a hurry. She couldn't bear to look at either of them, nor focus on the rest of the library, who had all turned towards the source of the loud screaming, clearly interested to see whatever teenaged drama was going on.

And that was it, wasn't it? Emerald was just being dramatic. Just being a complete idiot, caring too much. Feeling too much. Burning too hot as always. She'd let their caring for her get under her skin, and now she felt only a hot ball of guilt burning inside her chest. And it was, as always, her fault.

Her mind kept hammering that home. Her fault. Her fault. Her fault. Always her fault.

She made for the exit in a hurry, ignoring the way that she heard Ruby briefly sniffling, and tried to ignore the way that her own eyes were growing rather hot.

All her fault. All Emerald's fault. All–

And then, of course, because the universe thought her life was a fucking joke, she ran face first into someone, her things scattering onto the ground below her as she hit the floor.

When she looked up, her face blanched.

"Emerald?" Ms. Goodwitch looked down at her in concern. "Are you alright?"

She tried to part her lips, to give some kind of excuse. But she had nothing.

She was too far gone. She was maybe thirty seconds from absolutely imploding. She needed to get away from everything. She needed to just… to just be alone for a little while.

Where could she be alone? Where could she go that no one would bother her?

Nowhere. There was nowhere in the entirety of this place.

Her breathing quickened. She could tell that was not a good thing.

"What are you doing here?" Was for some reason the first thing she said. What a stupid thing to–

"I heard a yell coming from the library." She explained. "I thought I recognized your voice. Are you alright? You don't look well."

Everyone kept saying that. Everyone. It was beginning to drive Emerald mad.

"I'm fine. Thank you, Ms. Goodwitch. But I'm fine."

"Emerald, you're not fine."

Ms. Goodwitch offered her a hand, and it hovered so tantalizingly close to Emerald's face. Right there. She could just… just reach out and–

"Would you like to come to my office?" She spoke so very kindly, like everything was alright, and for just a moment, Emerald wanted to believe it. "We could share words over a bowl of ice cream, perhaps?"

…Emerald felt strangely numb in that moment. A part of her was trying to reach out towards that hand, desperate to believe that it couldn't have all been fake. It couldn't have all been.

But she was just… just too far gone right now. She needed to be alone. She needed to not see this woman's face. This woman who had…

It wasn't her fault. It wasn't Ms. Goodwitch's fault. No. It was Emerald's fault. If she hadn't freaked out on Penny and Ruby, then maybe she could've been in a well-enough state to talk with Ms. Goodwitch. Maybe then they could've sorted this all out.

"Emerald?"

She batted the woman's hand away.

It hurt her more than she cared to express.

"Don't… don't touch me."

Ms. Goodwitch stared at her with a pained look in her eye, and Emerald bit down on her bottom lip, trying not to collapse completely.

Why couldn't she stop hurting the people she cared about? She'd tried to spare Cinder. She'd tried to be patient with Ruby and Penny.

Why could nothing… why did everything…

She was crying. Like some kind of pathetic little girl. She was close to sobbing and breaking down.

"I'm not…" She tried to push out between breaths. "I thought you were…"

"Emerald, are you okay–"

She couldn't stay here. She just couldn't.

And so, grabbing her things from off of the floor, leaving a few of the scattered papers that she'd been working on with Ruby and Penny, she dashed away. She ignored the way that Ms. Goodwitch called out her name, sounding genuinely concerned for her. She ignored the way that those she passed by whispered and laughed about her. The way that some brought out scrolls and recorded her.

She ignored the way that tears streaked down her face. The way her breaths came aghast and weak. The way that she wasn't even sure where she was running to, if she was running anywhere at all.

Just away.

Away from here. Away from her pain, and the things that hurt her.

It was all she could think to do.

And eventually, she found herself stumbling into a women's bathroom, taking one of the stalls, and collapsing to her knees. The floor wasn't very well washed. It had grime laced all around it, and it smelled like mildew and cleaning solution.

Emerald couldn't find it in herself to care.

All she could do was let our a horrible, wheezing breath as a sob wracked her body. As her hands hit the floor, and she yelled and screamed and cried.

She was pathetic. A pathetic little girl.

She was the same pathetic little girl that she'd always been. Always caring too much. Always failing to learn her lesson. Always wanting for more, when she had, from the start, been destined for nothing.

She should've known. She wasn't one of the lucky ones.

She was nothing. She always had been.

That thought played on repeat inside her head, over and over and over again, as she broke down completely, sobbing in a bathroom stall.

Emerald was alone.

And it was all her fault.

End Chapter 32

Eesh. Sorry about that one. I needed to fulfill the Being Emerald is Suffering quota for the month.

Anyways, like I said earlier, there's a double chapter release this week, so feel free to click next chapter! Or don't. It's your life.