Summary: In which Asaya thinks about things. (OC-centric)
As always, this fic is primarily hosted on Archive of Our Own. Look there for the revised chapters and a chronological chapter guide. My username there is MajesticFlyingWalrus
No one objected, so here is an entirely OC-centric chapter. Originally, it was just going to be a small flashback in the other chapter I am working on, but it just kind of spiraled out of hand… so it's not as polished or nuanced as it could be. Please be advised to lower your standards.
No Itachi this time, you have been warned. You can skip this chapter if you'd really like. It's just a writing exercise in character exploration. And drama. Lots of internal drama.
I'm going to preface this with an explanation that, in my interpretations of Iwagakure and Earth Country, society is classist. Definitely more so than the other nations. Status can often be determined by last name. And marriage is an important social custom.
The rain never stopped. Never even a break in the clouds. Often, it didn't feel like rain, but sand pouring down from the sky instead. Asaya liked to imagine it burying Amegakure and all of its skyscrapers. In the distance, she could see a great lake peeking through the black towers. That must be where all the rain water went instead of flooding the whole place.
The Akatsuki had given her an electric kettle and an assortment of teas for her room after she had requested them and a few other amenities. She flipped the switch and meandered back to the round table to sit and wait for the water to boil.
She worked on unsealing the statue for many hours a day, but many hours were still spent alone. Too many, it felt, because her mind always found something to fixate on or some unhappy memory to haunt her. Naturally, she had been thinking of the months leading up to her first encounter with the Akatsuki, where she was kidnapped after walking out on a formal reception. After being instructed by the Tsuchikage's son to walk out. In hindsight, Asaya still felt stupid for not realizing that the whole thing was a setup.
The stepping stones leading up to it glittered in her memory like cursed diamonds. Asaya wondered if they still would have betrayed her if circumstances were different. If only she had just made a different decision. Or a series of different decisions. An effect is simply the accumulation of a thousand little causes.
A table of hors d'oeuvres spread out in front of Asaya. She studied each of the fanciful things as she walked the length of the table: wedges of cheese and slices of vegetables wrapped in thinly cut meat, crackers with jam and nuts, pink curls of shrimp, fruit shaped like stars and hearts. She thought about taking one.
"I recommend the shrimp," an older woman appeared at Asaya's side. She appeared to be in her fifties, with peppery grey hair styled into a stately chignon. Her kimono was appropriate for a mature woman: a rich golden-brown decorated with juniper sprigs. The thick silk of it lay pristinely tailored without a single fold out of place.
"Thank you, but unfortunately, I'm allergic. I'll take your word for it, though." Asaya replied.
"A shame. Seafood is an uncommon treat. Everything is delicious, though. You can't choose wrong," the woman kindly assured her.
I would hope so, for the tax revenue they spent. "They certainly look delightful. Too good to eat, really. It's almost a shame, isn't it?" Asaya politely smiled, feeling the need to straighten her shoulders.
"Yes, they certainly are. I'm Minamino Kaoru. Pleased to meet you," she introduced herself.
Asaya recognized the surname. This woman was the wife of the director of the Commerce Bureau. "It's nice to meet you, too." Asaya braced herself. "My name is Kagami Asaya."
Kaoru quickly assessed Asaya head to toe: clothes, posture, age, dialect, and anything else that could give a hint. "That's a lovely name for a young woman. You must be in the forces. What division are you in?"
Asaya knew what answers she anticipated. "I study seals, or fuinjutsu, under Madame Fukurou." But that was not one.
Minamino Kaoru paused just a second too long before saying, "What a privilege. I've met Madame Fukurou. She's quite the matriarch."
"As they say. I am very fortunate to be able to learn so much," Asaya said. Would she dare say anything to the contrary?
"I'm sure," Minamino Kaoru tilted her head slightly as she spoke. "Well, be sure to enjoy the evening. It'd be a shame not to." She turned and walked away.
Asaya interlaced her fingers and ran one thumb over the other. She glanced back at the pretty things perfectly arranged on the white-clothed table. She decided that none of them suited her, after all.
Standing with her back flattened against a wall, Asaya scanned the room. It was spectacularly elaborate and large, with a full wait staff carrying silver trays of champagne flutes. Everyone in attendance was dressed in expensive kimono or other appropriately formal attire. Asaya did not own a kimono- certainly not one nice enough for this- and had tried to weasel her way out of attending by citing her lack of wardrobe. However, Kurotsuchi, one of the Tsuchikage's granddaughters and a friend of sorts though the years, had generously offered to loan Asaya one of hers. Asaya was disappointed that her attempt to avoid the party had failed, but at least she felt pretty in the cerulean and maroon silk embroidered with amaryllis and freesia. Even if it was unseasonable.
The event was the Spring Equinox Festival, more specifically the Iwagakure officials' evening celebration. Every family and person of high-enough status was in attendance. And Asaya, who had generously been extended an invitation. Madame Fukurou, Iwa's grandmaster of seals and her sensei, always warned her not to take their invitations, but someone of her status could not reasonably refuse. She only wished he Tsuchikage's family wouldn't be so "nice" to her. She was only ever a fish out of water. Mostly, she would spend these occasions chatting with Tsuta, her younger friend and one of the Tsuchikage's grandsons, and making polite conversation with just enough people to say she wasn't a bad sport.
Asaya's hazel-brown eyes flitted from person to person, eventually fixing on one in particular.
Tsuta's oldest cousin was in his early thirties. He had a wife a few years younger than himself. What was her name? Yuriko? Aiko? Hanako? Something feminine ending in -ko. Anyway, Asaya hated her. The woman hardly said anything to her, so little that Asaya couldn't remember the sound of her voice. She only knew the woman to smile and nod in perfect etiquette.
And she was beautiful- gorgeous in her sapphire blue kimono with a golden pins twinkling in her dark hair. A gemstone butterfly fluttering effortlessly between clusters of guests. She always knew just the right thing to say or do like magic. And she was genuinely happy to do it, to make good impressions on behalf of the Tsuchikage's family. Everyone found her charming.
Tamiko, that was her name.
Tamiko had given her husband three children: first a boy- splendidly- then a daughter, and finally a second son. Asaya guessed the couple was satisfied after the second boy. The woman had raised them wonderfully with a loving and mild temperament. Not one of the three children had ever caused a fuss. She carried them at her breast, soothed their cries, and fed them healthy, homecooked meals. Tamiko shined on her husband's arm at every occasion. Asaya couldn't think of a more perfect woman.
She could think of a worse one, though.
Asaya had spent so much effort trying to figure out how to be more like Tamiko. How to be happy in one's place in the world. How to be what one was supposed to be.
Damnit, Asaya thought when an unexpected someone appeared in her peripheral vision.
"Hey, Asaya," Tetsuya greeted. "I was hoping I'd find you here. It's good to finally see you again. It's been a while, hasn't it?"
"Tetsuya," Asaya said, pretending to be a bit more startled than she actually was. "I'm glad to see you, too. I'm surprised you were able to take time off from your new assignment at the Imperial Palace.
"Believe I or not, I've been there for over six months now. I can't really say I'm new anymore." He shrugged. "How've you been?"
"I've been good, same as always. How has the capitol been? I can't believe it's been so long." She decided she would keep him talking about himself.
"It's certainly been an experience. You should visit some time. You'd love it. It's totally different from Iwa," he said.
"I wish I could. Maybe someday." They both knew it would never happen. "Tell me about it." She looked up at him as they spoke. Had he grown another inch or two? He was 6' before he left, was he even taller now? No wonder he was a guard.
"Well," Tetsuya scratched the back of his neck, "there's no shortage of stuffy bearcats and pompous state parties, so the palace isn't much different, but the city is so much better. There's just so much more to do. Oh, and all the food tastes better. There are theatrical productions and other performances seasonally at the university- the student ones are open to the public, so anyone can get tickets for free. The night life is amazing. It's all neon lights and packed bars, even on weeknights. I can get off a shift at ten and everything will still be open for hours.
And I've met the most interesting people: journalists, chemists, artists- and they think I'm interesting for being a shinobi. I had a great conversation with an investment banker, once, believe it or not." He gave a small chuckle then continued, "Oh, and I know you don't like the Imperial Family, but they have the most beautiful horses and stables. Like something from a fairy tale."
"Well, it's not like the world they live in is real, yeah? But I'm glad to hear you're enjoying it," Asaya said. "I'm jealous."
"Don't be. I spend most of my time listening to out-of-touch politicians and bureaucrats sucking the Imperial Family's dick."
Asaya covered her giggle with a modest hand and suppressed a snort.
Tetsuya smirked, "I'm not joking. You should hear the sounds they make."
"Shut up," Asaya looked away, biting her lip to keep it from smiling.
"You really should come visit, though," Tetsuya said, then appeared to bite his own tongue. "But really, how've you been?"
"I've been alright, nothing glamorous. I moved out of the kunoichi boarding house and into a small studio. It's not fancy, but it's nice having a place to myself. I don't have a curfew anymore. How had I been living?"
"I forgot how backwards the kunoichi boarding was here. That's great news though, congratulations. Must be nice not sneaking in through a window."
"Thanks, it is," she smiled then said, "Anyway, funny story, but I tried to get out of this party by saying I didn't own a kimono. Kurotsuchi insisted on loaning me this one and I couldn't refuse." And now I know why.
"Well, I'm glad she did. You look lovely, by the way," Tetsuya said.
"You're too kind." Asaya blushed, her breath hitching awkwardly in her throat for a millisecond. "I wish I could say the same." She quickly shook her head and waived a hand. "Sorry, I don't mean it like that. I'm glad to see you, too. I just wish it wasn't here, is all. Sorry."
"I know what you meant. But this isn't so bad. It's free food and drinks, think of it like that."
"I almost wish I drank."
"Oh, come on, what's the worst that could happen?"
Asaya looked down at her clasped hands.
"Just try talking to someone. It might not be as bad as you think."
"I am talking to someone, if you'll notice." He didn't understand. Wouldn't.
One of Tetsuya's brows arched incredulously. "Well, in that case, I think you've lucked out; I happen to be the most charming person here," he said with mostly-feigned arrogance.
"Sure," she sarcastically drew out the syllables as she spoke. "You haven't changed a bit."
"That's not true," Tesuya said. "Hey, why don't we go for a walk?"
Asaya internally screamed. "I'd love to, but don't you think that-"
"Hey cousin, long time no see," Tsuta intervened from nowhere like a divine dove. Asaya couldn't have been more relieved.
Tetsuya turned his head over his shoulder. "Oh, hey Tsuta. How's it going?" His back straightened just a bit.
"Pretty good. Advancing some projects, making some connections, diversifying my portfolio. You know how it is," Tsuta spoke in imitation of a corporate charlatan.
"Exciting. When'd you sell out?"
"Like any reasonable musician; when I realized I could make money," Tsuta shrugged.
Tetsuya shook his head and rolled his eyes, amused by his younger cousin's attitude. "You're cute. I was just telling Asaya about the capitol." He turned to her and said, "I said she should come visit some time. You should come, too. You'd love the music scene."
"Yeah? Which music scene?"
"All of them," Tetsuya knew Tsuta well enough.
"Sounds cool. Sure, when?
"Excuse me," Asaya cut in. "I'll be back in a moment." She walked off in the direction of the restroom. She did not see either of them again for the rest of the evening.
"He wants to ask you out. Or maybe he'll cut to the chase and propose. But even if he does just ask you out, he definitely has marriage in mind," Tsuta sat on the edge of the small balcony of Asaya's apartment. His thin legs stuck through the wide gaps between iron bars and his feet dangled over the edge, swinging lazily while he articulated his toes.
"No, he doesn't," Asaya slid the glass door open and headed towards the micro kitchen. "He lives in the capitol now. How would that even work?" she shouted over her shoulder.
"You can see each other on holidays. Write letters in the meantime. You don't want to live with someone twenty-four-seven away and you've been good friends for a long time; it's the perfect arrangement for you," Tsuta shouted back. He heard a glass bottle clink.
"Maybe for me, but he's not like that." Asaya walked back carrying a bottle of sake and a small glass.
"You don't know that. He adores you. Ever since you were kids."
"No he does-" she inhaled sharply. "He shouldn't. He deserves better."
"I don't need your pity party, Asaya. Just say 'yes.' He's a good man."
She sat down next to Tsuta and unscrewed the sake bottle. "I don't love him."
"Yes, you do. Enough to push him away when you think you're going to hurt his feelings."
"Shut up," she poured a drink. "Not romantically. Not… sexually," she whispered low, somewhat embarrassed.
"Then love him like a friend, same as before. Marriage isn't really about boinking anyway. It's about partnership. And you fit together that way." Tsuta tilted his head knowingly and said, "I'm not going to lie, he definitely wants to sleep with you, but he's thinking about more than that. Think of it like being friends with benefits, if it helps."
How old was Tsuta, again? He was too wise to be thirteen. "It's not that simple, Tsuta. You can't have a relationship where one person's feelings aren't being reciprocated, where one person isn't getting what they need. It's not fair." She took a sip of the clear liquid and her expression twisted. "I forgot that I don't like sake."
"Asaya, he's a good man. Do you know how hard those are to find? He'll take care of you, he won't do anything dirty, and, like I've been saying, you've been friends since childhood." Tsuta waived both hands emphatically. "Just give it a chance. Maybe you'll find you feel different.
Another sip. "If I married a man for the status, why would I care if he had an affair? One less thing I'd have to do."
"Oh, I get it, you just don't want to feel forced," Tsuta pointed at her accusingly. "I know my family's crazy, but don't let them ruin anything for you."
"No, I don't," Asaya said firmly.
"Get over yourself. Sometimes I think you just want to be miserable," he lowered his hand. "Look, if you don't want to get married, or even pursue a relationship, that's fine. But he deserves to know that." He grabbed the sake bottle and took a swig. "Yuck, you're right," he stuck his tongue out.
A swirled her drink a few times before emptying the glass in one gulp. She didn't want any of this. She thought about the weeks before Tetsuya left for the capitol. At what point had he changed? Or had she just been in denial the whole time?
"He's going to ask. It's inevitable."
"I just wish everything was different." The words strangled out and she felt her cheeks burn.
Tsuta looked at her with sympathy and sorrow in his dark brown eyes.
The electric kettle rumbled to a boil and automatically switched off. Asaya stood up and walked over to the countertop. She grabbed a plain, white mug and set it squarely in front of her.
Chamomile, peppermint, jasmine green, or black? There were 10 bags of chamomile, 12 bags of peppermint, 8 bags of jasmine green, and 15 bags of black. Black tea had caffeine in it, so it wasn't an option since she intended to retire to bed soon. Jasmine green tea was fer favorite and had a technically negligible amount of caffeine. Although, as her favorite comprising only 8 of the 45 total tea bags left, it was statistically a better idea for her to ration them for times when she could properly enjoy them. That left chamomile and peppermint. Generally speaking, she didn't really have a preference for either and the choice usually just depended on what she was in the mood for. Chamomile was believed to have relaxing and calming effects and therefore suitable for bedtime and an ideal candidate for her needs at the moment. However, Asaya had never read any scientific research that conclusively confirmed or denied the widely held belief. For all she knew it was a placebo effect, which, curiously, was known to work, but only if the subject genuinely believed a substance would have an effect. What did know for certain, was that she had 10 bags of chamomile and 12 bags of peppermint. 12 was numerically greater than 10, so peppermint it was.
Asaya tore open a single package, placed the filter bag into the mug, and draped the string and paper tag over the rim. She grabbed the plastic handle of the stainless-steel kettle and poured the hot water directly over the teabag. Steam bloomed from the white cylinder like chimney smoke. Asaya looked down to watch the infusion swirl as it spread throughout the water. There was no need to count the minutes for steeping or to toss the satchel until she had finished drinking. Unlike regular tea, herbal teas, or tisanes as they were properly called, could be left to steep practically indefinitely because they did not contain tannin, a bitter compound released from tea after extended periods. This occurrence was commonly referred to as "over steeping."
Caffeine was one of the first chemicals released from tea. One could functionally decaffeinate a cup by steeping a bag for about thirty seconds, discarding the water, and placing the soaked bag into a new cup of hot water. In hindsight, she could have just done that instead.
She grabbed the mug and took it back to the table with her, placing it on top of an old issue of Chronology news magazine she had been utilizing as a coaster. It was heavily wrinkled from heat and liquid stains. She could practically count the days by the number of rings seared into it. She groaned and stopped herself before her eyes had the chance to fixate on the patterns.
She looked again out the window and at the city of dark towers and electric lights, at the city that, seemingly like her, could not cease anything.
A/N: I must confess that the entire reason I wrote this chapter is solely because I thought "Gemstone Butterfly" would make a cool title.
In my fic, "Kagami" is a generic last name commonly given to children who were brought in from outside the village. Whatever name they had before gets replaced. Having it denotes a certain status.
I've thought about doing another chapter about Asaya's awkward relationship with Tetsuya titled "If I Loved You" or maybe "The Fox and the Hound." I can never truly know what readers glean from what I write, but I think anyone is clever enough to figure out the angle I'm going for anyway, so there's no need to spell it out in another chapter.
But I will make one thing clear: Asaya is the asshole in this situation.
I never thought I'd write 20+ chapters. I feel it's getting really messy reeeal fast since write and publish the way I do. (Randomly)