Chapter 8: Steps forward
"I was a teenage outlaw
With no worries on my mind
And now I'm getting older
My heart is growing colder all the time"
- Rat Boy & Ibdy, Who's Ready For Tomorrow
Despite his best efforts, Gabriel struggled to play more than two chords continuously on his guitar. The practice had boosted his confidence in playing the first two chords with ease but humbled him when he tried for the third. Gabriel took this in stride; his failure was not a measure of ability, but a measure of progress. With time and patience, he truly believed he could play better, just not today. Light from the plate lamps crept into his shack, signaling to him that his time with the local power supply and his playing was nearly up. He spent the remaining time playing an exercise he enjoyed, the pentatonic scale, before turning off his amplifier and preparing for work.
A slow groan erupted from Gabriel's stomach as he walked down the dirt path toward the junkyard. All that good food had spoiled his stomach and now it wanted more than one meal a day. Gabriel wished he had gotten leftovers before departing Aerith's house this morning. A proper breakfast would be heavenly today. However, he doubted that Elmyra Gainsborough would have been so generous, clearly, she had made up her mind about him. Her statement that she knew who he was still echoed in his mind. Did she know who he was before his life in the slums? Someone had already identified him before; it was possible people in the slums could as well. More reason to live obscurely in the junkyard then the slum.
Reaching the junkyard ended his thoughts of worry as he greeted his fellow scavengers as they prepared for the workday. One of the advantages of scavenging the junkyard was it forced his mind on the present. There were real physical dangers out in the wastes and if he wasn't careful someone could get hurt. Physical labor would remind him of what was important, he couldn't dwell on the past, at least for the next eight hours. So, he set off into the wastes of sector five to find his fortune and forget himself.
After the long day of scavenging in the junk yards, Gabriel and the other workers celebrated with after-hours drinks by the train station. The space around the train terminal had become a social hub, food trucks had sprouted up first and then people made makeshift tables and chairs making themselves more comfortable. The crowds enticed more vendors to set up, some selling cold drinks, which brought more people to the station. Now, this space was practically an entertainment hub with live music, and colored lights strung up to add a vibrant atmosphere once the lamps were turned off. It wasn't as big or crowded as Market Garden, it was comfortable. A place to relax and decompress after work.
Gabriel and his fellow scavengers sat at their usual spot; a large wooden cable reel that had been turned upright to make a round table. It was large enough that the entire crew could gather around the table like a punk rock version of King Arthur's Round Table. They drank their cheap bottled beer, laughed at inside jokes, and waited for Saul, the crew's unofficial leader to arrive. They didn't have to wait long, a cheer rang out from the table as he arrived. He smiled and raised handfuls of paper envelopes, their promised cuts from a previous score.
A week ago, the scavenging crew stumbled upon a rare discovery - electronics and rare metals that had remained unscathed by rust, corrosion, and water. These components were valuable, but finding a buyer who would offer a fair price would be a challenge. But Saul knew a guy who knew a guy on the other side of Midgar who could arrange a better price. However, the arrangement would take time, so the team had agreed to let Saul handle the valuable components. Saul handed out cash envelopes to each team member at the table and then took his seat beside Gabriel.
Gabriel could feel the weight of his envelope as he placed it into his pants pocket. "Why does mine feel heavier?" He asked quietly to the well-respected man by his side.
"That's your bonus," Saul replied while casually sipping his beer. "For helping the slum."
Gabriel paused and looked out over the table, everyone else was busy celebrating their newfound and quickly lost wealth. As the others celebrated their newfound wealth, Gabriel and Saul had the opportunity to speak privately.
"You know I didn't ask for anything, besides it was all Aerith's idea I just went along with her."
"I know." Saul nodded politely. "But you saved some lives that night. It was stupid, you could have gotten killed, Aerith could have been hurt or worse and you should never do that again. But, everyone got home safe and you helped make that happen."
"So." Saul patted his shoulder. "This is a thank you, spend it wisely."
"What about Aerith's cut? Again, it was her idea. I didn't even know something had happened, if anyone deserves a reward, it's her."
"Well, you can ask her". Saul pointed his beer bottle towards the crowd now exiting the latest train. A bright red jacket stuck out from the sea of brown and black as Aerith, empty basket in hand made her way home. Gabriel made eye contact as she walked closer to the round table, she greeted him by sticking her tongue out at him then lifted her chin up in a condescending manner. She kept eye contact with him and smirked as she walked past him.
Gabriel shook his head and took another sip of his beer while he suffered the lighthearted chuckles of his compatriots at the table.
"You know, one day she won't come back from that train. "Remarked Saul.
"Come again?"
"She's a young attractive woman, sooner or later she is going to find a nice man, probably someone from the topside and find a better life. One day she is going to get on that train and never come back."
Saul took another sip of his beer and continued.
"I get it, you want to stay in your shack for the rest of your life and that's fine enough. But not everyone else is going to stay here. I know Aerith has a home here, but she is young and young people will naturally set out to find their place in the world. So, if you have anything to say to her, I'd wouldn't wait."
Gabriel's only reply was a 'hmph' while he stared into his drink. Saul dropped the conversation as the two men sat silently and drank their beers.
Aerith walked through the dim lite slums with a sense of dread. In front of her was home and she wasn't ready to confront her mother after this morning's argument Just as she was lost in thought, her path was blocked by two familiar figures, Agatha and Sara, teachers at the Leaf House Orphanage.
Agatha, a warm smile on her face, called out to Aerith, "Hey Aerith! Wall Mark drinks?"
Aerith's troubles were forgotten as she smiled from ear to ear. She threw her empty basket into the air in excitement, watching as it cartwheeled before landing safely on the roof of the Leaf House. "Wall Mark drinks!" she cried out joyfully.
***Several Pina Coladas later***
The trio from Sector Six laughed as they sat around a cocktail table in one of the many bars inside Wall Market. It was a flashy trendy opened aired lounge with a small dance floor and pop tunes playing in the back. Because it was a weeknight the crowd was light, still there were a few couples dancing and hanging out around the bar. But the girls were far more interested in drinking than dancing, tonight's outing was to decompress.
Sara, the true party girl of the three, had ordered a round of shots for the table. Sara was the shortest and slimmest of the trio, but she compensated with far more grit than her friends. She boasted short hair that was dyed blonde with visible brown roots. Sara was the 'fun aunt' of the orphanage, allowing her charges more flexibility than the motherly Agatha. Nearly the same age as Aerith they were close friends who shared similar complaints and dreams. However, whereas Aerith was more introverted in her thoughts, Sara was loud and dramatic.
"So" Sara smiled at Aerith with mischievous eyes. "I heard that Gabriel was seen leaving your house this morning." She smirked as Agatha's eyes grew wide. "Care to explain?"
Aerith's face grew bright red, she knocked back her shot and slammed the glass down on the table. Her face contorted at the strength of the liquor. She blinked back tears and saw that Sara and Agatha's attention was still on her, they were not going to let this go.
"Ok, ok." She said with a sheepish smile, her two friends moved in closer as if to share in the conspiracy. "I invited him over for dinner and he stayed the night."
Aerith's face turned scarlet. "The guestroom! He slept in the guestroom!" Her compatriots sighed with disappointment at the lack of juicy drama.
"So…" Sara twirled a finger around her empty glass. "Do you like him? Because I see you guys flirting all the time."
"We do not flirt!"
Sara stared back with accusing eyes, if there was one thing Sara knew, it was flirting.
Aerith sighed in defeat. "Ok so I like him. I mean I don't like-like him."
Sara continued her accusing stare, demanding that Aerith spill all the beans.
"Ok, he's cute. No, not cute, handsome. I mean just the hair alone. But his face, that jaw line. He listens to me. He makes me feel safe. Fuck, I do like him."
"So, go out with him. Are you afraid he'd say no?"
Aerith closed her eyes. Pinched her brow and sighed. "I need another drink first."
When their next round arrived, she took a deep sip and allowed part of her walls to come down.
"I've had a guy like him before, his name was Zack. Nice, kind, strong, handsome, shorter than Gabriel but not a deal breaker. He was my first boyfriend."
Aerith's sigh was filled with nostalgia for the times she had with him.
"We were steady and in love, well I was in love. I was planning out the rest of our lives. We were going to open a flower shop up topside. Then one day he left, and I never saw him again."
Agatha and Sara both reached out to comfort their friend while she took another deep sip of her drink.
"I know, it was years ago, and we were both young and naïve. But I'm just worried that I'm falling for the same kind of guy. What if one day I go out to his shack, and he is gone? If we are just friends then it will be ok, I can be happy for him and not feel like he has left me behind."
Aerith knew deep down that this was only a half-truth. It was true she was still hurt from losing Zack but that's not what stopped her from trying to date. It was Shinra, in a few years they would come for her and as part of their agreement she wouldn't fight them. She couldn't allow someone to get close to her while she knew that her time here was limited. That was why she just had friends, people she could care about but knew they could go on if she wasn't there anymore. She couldn't do what Zack had done to her; she was willing to be lonely to save her friends from that hurt.
"I'm so sorry Aerith." Agatha smiled warmly at her. "You know we are just playing; you can find someone at your own pace."
"Yeah." Sara smiled playfully, trying to lift her spirits. "Screw guys, we don't need them! Besides, if Gabriel does skip town, you'll never have to hear him play that god-awful guitar again!"
The trio laughed cheerfully, not wanting to be mean but each knowing it was true.
"Come on." Aerith tried to maintain her composure. "He is trying his best; he just needs to practice more."
"Sweetie. That man has been practicing for nearly three years." Sara retorted as Agatha doubled over in laughter. "He's not getting any better."
"I've seen him naked." Aerith blurted out between laughs. "It's worth it!"
Her friends were stunned and silent then doubled over laughing uncontrollably, practically falling out of their chairs. They demanded Aerith elaborate and she told her friends about the incident at the river. How she had peeked at him while he was dressing, she assured her cohorts that he was in fact worth the trouble.
The alcohol assisted Agatha and Sara to spill their own secrets and the gang continued to laugh as they drank away their troubles.
Aerith, tired and drunk, stumbled up the steps to her house. The girls had taken a chocobo carriage home and stumbled into town together. Elmyra was patiently waiting for Aerith inside, upset and expecting an explanation about where her daughter had been. They argued briefly, but it was cut short by Aerith racing towards the bathroom and praying to the plant by way of the porcelain toilet. Elmyra held her hair back and soon forgot why she was upset with her daughter.
Gabriel woke up in the middle of a scream, breathed deeply, and tried to calm down.
"Fuck" he spat out, his voice was hoarse, like he had been screaming for hours.
Another night terror, this one felt worse after that comfortable night at Aerith's house. Now the norm had returned, he was back to sleeping on his mattress, in the dark, cramped shack he called home. Far away from the comfort of the flower girl's guest bedroom.
Gabriel found he couldn't go back to sleep and shuffled towards the other side of his shack. He reached into a milk crate and pulled out a rectangle-shaped plastic water bottle and drank deeply. He sighed deeply after rehydrating and sat against the hard back wall of his shack. The cool water felt good against his sore throat and let out a comfortable sigh as he finished. When he was finished Gabriel sat in the darkness and allowed himself to calm down.
Growing tired of sitting in the dark, Gabriel stood up and walked outside into the junkyard that was his front yard. The landscape was still a deep shade of darkness, but Gabriel could make out a faint hue of light on the horizon, dawn had already reached the upper plate and would soon illuminate the slums. It was eerily silent as he looked out over the junkyard, so much of this place relied on the light. In a few hours, the plate lights would be turned on then the people and beasts that inhabited this place would begin to stir.
While he gazed out over the land, he recognized a new feeling emerge, loneliness. It was odd, he hadn't felt alone before, he enjoyed living out here by himself and doing as he pleased. But something inside of him felt off now, an emptiness had crept inside of him. Perhaps it had been that dinner at Aerith's house, the home cooking and warm bed had penetrated his cool exterior. He wasn't sure what he wanted, but he realized this life wasn't enough for him.
But wanting more came with a cost, here he was safe. Here no one bothered him, in fact most didn't know he was here at all. He didn't have to face his past, whatever that might be. If he changed this, if he wanted more, he would have to pay in some way.
So be it, he thought, his past would catch up to him eventually, let it come on his own terms.
He turned towards the Sector Six slums; its few working streetlights etched out a space in the darkness. Was there a place for him there, amongst that small town? Would they embrace him when his past showed up? Or would they drive him out like a monster that had wandered in from the junkyard? It was out of his control, he realized, but there was one thing he could do.
He retreated into this shack, moved his mattress, and pulled out the paper envelope that contained his gil. With the money in this envelope and what he had been saving, he had enough to do some more than just get buy. He could buy a nicer guitar or an amplifier that wasn't shorting out. He could find better lodging, maybe even a home in the sector six slums or he could buy passage out of Midgar and never return.
Yet, there was one option that pressed on his mind, it was a stupid idea he told himself, but he couldn't stop pondering over it. He took it as a sign, he would try and if it failed, then he would be back here, where he was comfortable. It was time for him to throw the dice and see what fate decided.
He had few items inside his house, besides his bed, guitar, and amplifier. One of them was a grey wool hoodie that he had found some years ago. He pulled it over his head and pushed his long silver hair down inside it. With his gil in his pocket, he stepped out of his shack and began to walk towards the train station.
As if on cue, Aerith was already up and walking farther down the path, however, her pace was lethargic, and she would stop to hold her head. Gabriel quickly caught up to her and saw that she was in some sort of discomfort.
"Truce, no fighting today." Her grumbled voice was void of her usual charm and wit. "I had a rough night."
Gabriel thought to offer his sympathies but considered she wasn't in a talkative mood. He did keep pace with her as they walked down the path, Aerith didn't seem to mind.
Their silent walk was interrupted by the plate lamps being turned on and their path being illuminated by bright light. Aerith hissed and held up a hand to protect her eyes from the bright lights that stabbed her eyes. She cursed loudly as she tried in vain to protect her eyes.
"Sorry." She apologized as she rubbed her eyes. "I was out late last night; mom wouldn't brew me coffee as punishment."
Gabriel nodded as they reached the gates of the train station. The first train of the day had yet to arrive, but people were already milling about by the platform. Some of the food vendors were open and the air was thick with the smell of fast breakfast and coffee.
"I'll buy you a cup," Gabriel said with enough infliction that told her she could decline his offer.
"Thank you." She mumbled. "You're a lifesaver."
Gabriel could have quipped back but honored her truce as he got in line at the stand that was brewing coffee.
Aerith sipped loudly from the styrofoam cup while she stood beside Gabriel near the train platform. It didn't relieve her hangover, but it helped enough to ease the pain in her head. They stood silently beside the platform as more people arrived and waited for the train.
"Are you taking a day off?" she asked slowly, she felt obligated to engage him in small talk as payment for the coffee.
"Yeah, I've got to take care of something top side today."
Aerith took another long sip. "I'm not feeling up to dealing with topsiders today. I've got a side project on the other side of sector five. There's an abandoned church over there, ever seen it?"
"I've seen it before. It's hard to miss, the biggest structure still standing over there. Kind of surprising as everything thing in that sector is decrepit and rusted over. But I've never been inside."
"You should check it out sometime, I'm growing flowers inside there." She said as proudly as her hangover allowed her.
Their conversation was cut short as the first train slowly rumbled into the station and people began to stuff themselves inside.
"Well, I'll see you around," Aerith spoke as she turned towards her destination. "Thanks for the coffee."
Gabriel lifted his own cup in acknowledgment and walked up the station steps to board the train.
Gabriel tugged the hood of his hoodie above his head and walked out of the train and onto the cobble streets of Midgar. He had only been there a few times and was always surprised at how clean it looked compared to the slums. For a man used to dirt, rust, and steel, this world of asphalt and steel was alien to him. He allowed himself a moment of sensory overload before getting his bearings and heading towards his destination in the entertainment district.
He found what he was looking for underneath a large neon sign advertising different shows, plays, and music concerts. It was too early for the ticket booth to open yet there was already a lone out front. Gabriel got in line, pushed his hood down over his face, and waited for the ticket office to open. Anxiety crept through his body, he couldn't back out now, there was no turning back. Today could be the first day of a new life, a better life.
Eventually, he found himself at the front of the line and the man behind the counter asked him what he wanted. Gabriel paused for a moment and then pulled out his gil.
"Two tickets for LOVELESS, please."