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Chapter 21
The Meaning of Life
Keiko was all alone in her office looking up at a beautiful full moon.
It felt so peaceful, looking at the moon like that.
Or it would be, if things weren't so gloomy.
The office was dark and quiet. It had been for the last three days. Keiko really was considering resigning as chairperson. She had virtually abused her position in order to fulfill her dream, but it was no longer a dream. It had turned into a selfish desire and she had hurt people because of it. After everything that happened there just wasn't any point to it anymore.
She had lost.
It was time for her to accept it.
She looked down at the locket, wondering how Hidehiko would've felt if he was here, when she heard the door open behind her. She didn't have to guess who it was.
"Well? Are you satisfied now?"
There was no answer, but she knew her daughter was there.
"I've never seen you like that before. It gave me chills up my spine. I never understood... how much you hated me until I watched as you destroyed all those dreams."
There was still no answer. Her voice had been cracking and she was close to tears, but she wouldn't let Izumi see her like that. Wouldn't give her the satisfaction.
"I suppose I could beg you not to make me do this, but you know I won't lower myself to that level."
When she still received no answer she finally turned, hiding a frown. Her daughter was there leaning against the door, her face covered in the shadows.
"What? Didn't you want me to beg?" she went over to her desk, "Well, don't worry. I'm going to let you have what you want. I'll call the Board of Directors right now."
She picked up the phone and dialed.
"The girls baseball is dissolved," she announced, "The scholarships will be canceled."
The phone rang a few times before the line went dead and went back to the dial tone. Keiko turned to see Izumi standing there with her finger on the switch.
"Now what?"
"Put the phone down," she whispered, "Please."
She raised a brow, but did what she asked. Then, before she could say anything else, Izumi came over and hugged her. Tightly.
"Izumi?" she stood there stunned as her daughter buried her face into her chest and began to cry.
"I'm sorry... I didn't know. I didn't understand."
"Izumi... what-"
"I heard you and Dad talking. At the hospital."
Her breath caught, "You... were awake?"
"I was. He told the whole story," she sobbed, "I didn't realize how much you've been suffering this whole time, and I just went and made it worse because I was only thinking about myself. I'm so sorry, Mother. I'm sorry for everything!"
She continued to cry as Keiko stared down at her. Then she finally let go and did what she should have done a long time ago. She wrapped her arms around her daughter and held her tightly.
"Izumi..." she whispered as her own tears came, "You have nothing to be sorry for. If anyone should be sorry, it's me. I completely let you down as your mother."
She ran her hand over the girl's thick ringlets, remembering all those times when she would come home after tennis practice on the verge of tears because her hands and arms were hurting so much yet doing her best to hide it. She smiled and said what she should have said many times before.
"I've always loved you, Izumi, and I've always been proud of you. You've put with me all these years and yet you never left my side. I just wasn't able to show it because I was so caught up in the past. I felt that..." she sniffed, "if I said it to you before it would have been a lie."
"I probably would've felt the same way," Izumi whispered back, "What happened to you was so unfair. All you wanted was to spend the rest of your life with the man you loved and he was cruelly taken away from you. You never saw him again after that, and when he died you took it badly."
"But it was you who gave me a reason to go on," she sniffed again, "and I've done nothing but treat you poorly since."
"You were right. I was too young to understand. I've never gone through the kind of pain you have. I had no right to speak to you that way or to say those things."
"No," Keiko released and took her by the shoulders, lifting her chin so she could look into her eyes, "What you said needed to be said. You were right, I've been a coward all these years because I wasn't able to let the past go. Deep down I've known it all along but it was you who finally made me realize it," her voice finally cracked, "Wh-When... When I saw your hands bleeding, and when I saw how battered you were at the hospital, it hurt me more than ever. I felt as though I had done that to you. I don't want to see anything like that ever again."
"No," Izumi shook her head, "what you wanted was to honor the memory of the man you loved, to correct the injustice. If I had been in your shoes I would've done the same," she then smiled at her with love in her eyes, "I guess we're just not good at being honest about anything, huh? We have to have everything our own way."
Keiko laughed and pulled her daughter into her arms again, kissing her forehead.
"You're my flesh and blood, Izumi," she said with all the love she had, "You will always be my daughter. Nothing will ever change that."
"Thank you," Izumi tightened her embrace.
After a while they pulled apart.
"So... what happens now?" Keiko asked, "Do you still want the baseball team dissolved?"
"No," she said firmly, "I understand now why it's so important to you. It also wouldn't be fair to those girls who worked so hard to get where they are."
"Very well, if that's what you wish," she was grateful that she didn't have to do what she feared, "They're still short one player. You could still join if you want."
Izumi shook her head, "I can't. Even if I wanted to I'd be joining for the wrong reasons."
"Because of Hiroki and his relationship with Hayakawa?"
"That, and among other things," then she grinned, "But don't worry, I've taken care of that problem."
Keiko blinked in surprise, "You have?"
"You'll see tomorrow," her eyes then turned serious, "More importantly, I think you should also tell Hayakawa about you and her father. She deserves to know. In fact, I think you tell the whole team. I say this because... someone is bound to find out about her father's past. They'll undoubtedly use it as a way to destroy the team."
Keiko froze. She hadn't thought of that.
"You're right," she bobbed her head, "Yes, I'll do that first thing tomorrow after school is over."
After a moment Izumi said, "There's one more thing I need to talk to you about. I've been talking with Dad and... I've come to a decision."
I decided to transfer to another school. I came to realize that there was nothing for me there at Kisaragi. I had only gone to that school because it was expected of me, but also because Hiroki was there. I couldn't have what I wanted because of things that were beyond my control. My mother's past was something she had to deal with on her own. There was nothing I could really do to help her and neither could my family, but we had faith that she would return to us once her dream was fulfilled and she promised us that she would. That was more than enough for me. Staying at Kisaragi would serve no purpose and I had to pursue my own path in life.
I also finally realized that Hiroki really did have feelings for Ryo. He did his best to hide it because he didn't want to hurt me but I knew. I also knew that he would be sad if he wasn't able to see her again and I couldn't bring myself to see him like that. The same went for the baseball team. Those girls had worked so hard to get where they were and it wasn't right to have it end before they actually got started. I couldn't join the team because if I had it would've been for selfish reasons. I would've just used it as an excuse to remain close to Hiroki and treat Ryo as my rival. That wasn't the kind of person I was and I had nearly turned into that.
I did, however, do them one last favor. While I was in the hospital an old friend of mine came to see me, much to my surprise. She was a huge baseball fan and had played herself, but more importantly she was also a powerful hitter. When I mentioned the baseball team to her she immediately became interesting and at my suggestion she immediately transferred schools and joined the team. They couldn't have been more grateful, for she was exactly what they needed. They were able to win their very first game thanks to her. The team did make it to Koshien over time, but they never won the championship. However, that was more than enough for my mother.
The next day, at my request, a student gathering was called and I made my announcement. My father had arranged for me to transfer to Kurobara and I would leave Kisaragi on that very day. Naturally the students were all shocked, but before they could start making any accusations I quickly silenced them by taking responsibility for the previous events and stating that I had acted selfishly due to jealousy. I also told them that it was time for them to start supporting the baseball team and making it clear that any trouble they gave I would know. Ryo still wasn't at school at that time, but the moment she was informed of my transfer she immediately rushed over.
"Izumi!"
She was just about to step inside her father's vehicle when she heard her voice. She looked over to see Ryo jumped off Hiroki's bike. She'd been hoping to see him one last time just to say goodbye, but he didn't expect him to come all the way here. She hadn't expected to bring Ryo either, but she was grateful. She had intended to speak to her by going over to her place before she left. Hiroki had unknowingly saved her the trouble.
"Izumi!" the girl rushed over to her, "Is it true? Are you really transferring?"
She nodded, "I am."
"But-But why?" Ryo looked close to crying, "Why would you want to transfer to school? Is... is it because of me?"
Izumi immediately felt sorry for her. Obviously she felt responsible.
"It wasn't you," she said.
"Then why? I... I really don't want you to leave."
Her innocent eyes and the tenderness in her voice tugged at Izumi's heart, but she kept her composure.
"Before I answer that there's something I've been wanting to ask you. Why did you let me win?"
Ryo blinked, obviously taken by surprise.
"Please don't try to deny it. Hiroki saw the way you threw that last pitch and your friend mentioned to him that you did it out of kindness. I just want to know why."
Time passed as Ryo seemed to struggle to find words. Then she sighed heavily.
"Because... I realized that you were suffering. Because of me," she answered, "When I saw the way you were after you arrived I was just shocked as everyone else, and then when our catcher told me just how bad your condition really was the only I could think of was... why? Why would you do this to yourself? What would you go to such lengths? At first I thought it was because of my relationship with Takasugi, but then I realized that wasn't the case at all. It was that locket. Something about it drove you over the edge. I still don't know why you have a picture of my dad."
"The locket actually belongs to my mother."
Her eyes shot up to hers, "Your mother?"
"She'll explain the whole thing to you soon," she paused, "I would... appreciate it if you keep an eye on her."
Ryo blinked again, "Why?"
"You'll understand once she tells you."
An awkward moment of silence passed before Ryo looked away.
"That wasn't the only reason."
Izumi raised a brow, "It wasn't?"
The girl swallowed, "The other reason was... I realized that I was forcing you to give up your dream of tennis in order to fulfill my dream of baseball. It's the reason why I got so upset with the coach. I couldn't do it. If I had... I would have done something horrible and you would've hated me even more. Not to mention... I would've felt guilty about it forever. I couldn't do it because... that's not the kind person I am."
She finally started crying.
"Now you're going away. I feel like I took everything from you just because I existed."
That was the moment I realized just how beautiful of a person she really was. I really came to admire her then, and I still do now.
Izumi came over and toke her in her arms.
"You didn't," she said tenderly, "You've done nothing to be ashamed of, Ryo. It's actually the other way around. I tried to take something that either wasn't there or already existed and I didn't realize it until now. What happened was actually a personal matter between me and my mother. It had nothing to do with you. I just used you as a way to take my anger out against my mother."
"But-"
"You actually did me a favor in coming here. Thanks to you I was finally able to let out all the frustration I've been carrying for years," she drew back and gave Ryo a warm smile, "You really are a wonderful person, Ryo. I wish I could be more like you. I can see now why Hiroki fell for you. Had things been different, we could've been friends."
Ryo stared at her, lost for words. Izumi reached up and wiped her eyes.
"Please, don't cry. It doesn't suit you. I'm leaving because I need to follow my own path in life, to fulfill my dreams in tennis, and I can't do that here."
"But... I still don't want you to leave."
Her smile deepened, "I know, but I have to. Once my mother speaks with you and the team you'll understand,"
She glanced over at her childhood friend, who looked just as sad to see her go, although he did his best to hide. She almost chuckled. Hiroki never was any good at hiding his more vulnerable emotions. She would miss him, as she would Ryo, but she would see them again.
"Can you do me one other favor?" she asked Ryo.
"W-What's that?" she wiped her eyes.
"Keep an eye of Hiroki for me," she grinned, "He's a good man, but he does have an ego that tends to get the better of him."
Hiroki's face turned into a scowl, "Hey!"
"What? You know it's true."
Ryo started laughing and stepped out of Izumi's arms, "Really?"
"Really," she grinned at him again, "It's gotten him trouble before so make sure you're around to knock him on the head whenever he gets a little too full of himself."
Hiroki snorted but said nothing.
"Oh! And his favorite food happens to be Basashi by the way."
"Hey!" Hiroki flushed with embarrassment.
"Basashi?" Ryo was confused.
Izumi motioned her closer and whispered into her ear. Her eyes went wide and she stared at her with a mixture of disbelief and horror.
"You're serious?"
"As a heart attack," Izumi was now struggling not to laugh.
Ryo turned to the baseball star "You eat horse meat?"
Hiroki just glared at his childhood friend, "You didn't need to tell her that."
"Why not? She'll be making you Bento someday," Izumi pointed out, "She might as well know ahead of time."
He opened his mouth to protest but thought better of it and shook his head.
"He also likes hot pot," Izumi then told Ryo, "Particularly Motsunabe."
"Izumi," he father called from inside the car, "We need to go."
"Just a minute, Dad," Izumi went over to Hiroki, leaned up, and kissed him on the cheek, "That's for gratitude and for luck. I hope you make it to the Major Leagues, Hiroki."
He smiled, "Count on it."
"And you better be good to Ryo," she gestured to her, "If you ever hurt her I'll never let you forget it."
He laughed, "Yeah, I know."
She smiled at him one last time, "Thank you for always being there to help me."
"And I always will be, whenever you need it."
Izumi went back over to Ryo and they hugged each other
"Good luck with the baseball team," she said, "I'm sorry for all the trouble I caused, but I know you girls will go far. Don't worry about the other students. I made it clear to them that if they ever gave you any trouble, I'll know. You just promise me that you'll give it your very best, even if you have to go up against Hiroki and his team."
"I will," Ryo promised, then she grinned, "You know, personally I would have really liked to have you on the team. I think you would've made an amazing baseball player, not to mention a powerful batter."
Izumi laughed, "Thank you. I'm honored you think that way."
"Good luck with your dream, Izumi. I hope you make it to the top."
She grinned, "Count on it."
They gave each other one last hug before Ryo released her. Izumi stepped inside the car and the driver closed the door. When the vehicle moved she waved at them one last time. Hiroki and Ryo waved until the car was out of sight.
Not long after I started going to Kurobara I received a letter from Ryo, telling about the team and thankful they were that I had sent my friend in to join the team. I was completely taken by surprise when I received that first letter. I honestly never imagined she would do such a thing. I later learned that my friend had suggested it after seeing how Ryo worried about me. In return I wrote a letter back to her, telling her about the tennis team I had joined, and from there we continued to exchange letters all throughout high school. In years following we became close friends. I was her bridesmaid when she married Hiroki, and I'm virtually godmother to their children. We still maintain that close friendship to this day.
Present Day...
Yotsuba sat there in absolute silence as Izumi reached the end of her story.
She had never heard anything like that before, nor could she not realize the parallels between them. She understood now why Izumi had come to her aid, because she was once just like her. And her mother... when Yotsuba thought of her she couldn't but think of Nino and all the suffering she'd gone through. Yes, the parallels were simply too great.
"I started going to Kurobara a week after I transferred," Izumi concluded, "My arrival really surprised the students, for they had all heard about me. And can you guess who the very first person who spoke to me was?"
She looked at Yotsuba with a cheerful grin. The fourth quint didn't have to guess.
"Mama?"
"That's right. She just came up and started talking to me as though we had known each other all our lives," she smiled fondly, "It was thanks to her that I was able to... soften quite a bit. Before I was always tense and took everything seriously, but after I met her I became more calm, patient, and most of all... happy. I was also able to make friends for the first time by joining the tennis team at Kurobara. Those were the best days of my life, as it was for all of us. Thanks to your mother I was able to enjoy my life, to take it as it was and not demand for anything more. I wouldn't have gotten to where I was if it wasn't for her. She truly made made an impact in our lives, just as her death did."
After a while Izumi sat down next to Yotsuba and looked into her eyes.
"Now the reason why I'm telling you this story is because I don't want you to think that you're the only one who's had problems in their life. I also don't want you to think that you're unique because of the problems you had. Every one of us on this Earth has had some kind of problem with our loved ones, be it our parents, our siblings, or even our friends and spouses. I was no different, and neither are you. So don't try to tell me that I have no idea of what you've gone through. I do know, because I was once very much like you. I've been there. I know what it's like to feel left out, unappreciated, and not respected. It happens, even when those around you do it unintentionally. That's why we have to communicate with each other. If we don't talk to someone about our problems, bad things will happen. You know that now, don't you?"
She nodded.
"I mentioned earlier that you reminded of myself and my mother. Well, this is the other reason why I told you this story. The thing about you and me is that we had to have everything our way. My mother was the same way, but there was a huge difference. She formed that baseball for noble reasons. While she could have been more open it was important to her because she wanted not only to honor the memory of the man she loved but to also finally the past to rest. For her it was the only way she could finally let go of the pain she had been carrying for so long. I nearly took that away for selfish reasons. I wanted my mother's love, but the thing was I already had it. I just didn't see it until then. I also wanted Hiroki all to myself, but then I realized that I couldn't force him to be with me. I had to think of his own happiness and not just mine. Once I knew what his true feelings were I had to let him go, because I wanted him to be happy."
Yotsuba remembered what Nino had said to Ichika when she had talked to her after Fuutarou had made his choice.
I want him to be happy.
She fully understood Nino's feelings now. Despite all the trouble she gave him before Nino truly cared for Fuutarou, while the rest of them... never really did. Because they were only focused on themselves and not on each other. Nino had always been looking out for them, especially her. She even knew of Yotsuba's own selfishness but had never held it against her, and yet she still betrayed her.
It was now all clear. Nino, despite all her faults, was truly a wonderful person. She was as kind as she was stubborn, as patient as she was temperamental, as loving as she was emotional. She deserved better. She deserved to be loved and cherished for who she was.
"I guess... the thing you're trying to tell me... is that I can't have everything," she said aloud.
"No, you cannot," said Izumi-san, "The thing about life is that you have to be content with what it gives you. You can't just take everything just because you think you deserve it, and I'm saying you shouldn't be happy but you should never make that your number one priority. Remember what I said before? When you love, you give. When you lust, you take. All you've done is set yourself up for misery and failure. In your case, you become so caught in your own fairy tale you failed to see the damage it was causing until it was too late and you paid a heavy price for it."
A thought suddenly occurred to her. Even if all was forgiven where would things go after that? Even if she and Fuutarou got together again, would she actually be okay with that? Somehow that just didn't seem right. It didn't feel fair that she still got what she wanted in the end while Nino was still left with nothing. It would feel like nothing was actually accomplished and that the dissonance would remain.
"Is there any hope for me and Fuutarou?" she found herself asking before she realized it, "I'm sorry, you wouldn't really know anything about him."
"On the contrary, I also spoke with him earlier today," Izumi-san answered.
She blinked in surprise, "You did?"
"I went to his place and paid him a visit. We had a very long talk and I learned quite a lot about him," she paused for a moment before saying, "You know how his mother's death affected him, right?"
"I do."
"Well, the key to any relationship is not giving them what they want, but by giving what they really need. In Fuutarou's case, he needs to discover his own feelings, but he also needs someone who not only loves him but can help get through the darkness he's been in since his mother died, and frankly Yotsuba, I don't think you're capable of doing that. Not with the way you two are now."
She raised her brows, "Why?"
"Because it wasn't Fuutarou himself you were in love with, remember? You were in love with a fantasized version of him, one that you had created. You saw him, worshiped him, as your hero and he turned out to be the exact opposite. You only have yourself to blame for that. There's an old saying that goes, 'Never meet your heroes in person, for they will often disappoint you.' You learned that the hard way."
Yeah, she thought. She really learned the hard way.
"So there really isn't any hope for us?"
"What happens between you and Fuutarou is for you two to decide," Izumi-san's eyes then turned serious, "But more importantly, you need to think about Fuutarou's happiness and not just your own. Tell me something, Yotsuba. Have you ever thought about your future? Or what to do with your life? If you and Fuutarou were to get married with the way you are now how do you imagine your life would be? I don't see you getting a job, because according to you you're not smart enough for that. So how would it go? Fuutarou goes out and works late at night just to pay the bills while you sit at home and do nothing but house chores?"
Yotsuba felt herself flinch but she hid it with s shrug.
"What's wrong with being a housewife? I mean, I can cook and clean."
"What about children? Are you capable of raising a kid? Responsibly?"
Yotsuba hesitated and Izumi let out a chuckle.
"I don't mean to sound rude but I for the life of me cannot imagine you as a housewife. Nino, Miku, and maybe even Itsuki, but you? Not a chance. You're too energetic. You're not the type who can sit still and stay home all day, cooped up in one spot. You're the type who always has to be doing something or going somewhere. On top of that, you're irresponsible and you know it. Housewives not only know how to take care of themselves but they're also responsible. They have to be, in case the worse should happen. If you have children how are you going to raise them? Your husband will always be at work, and since you don't know anything about raising children I imagine you'll just spoil them and let them do whatever they wish. That's how you were raised after all. Why should you do anything different? Will you discipline your kids when they get into trouble? What if it's something serious? How do you expect them to grow or learn if they're so spoiled?"
Yotsuba tried to say something, but no words came because there was no good answer she could give.
"So you're saying I wouldn't make a good mother?" she said instead.
"No, I am saying that you wouldn't make a good mother or a good wife, because you don't know how to be one. You never planned that far ahead. Remember when I asked you what your dream was? You said you wanted to be a bride, not a wife or a mother. And no, they're not the same thing. A wife is someone who wants to spend the rest of her life with the man she loves. A mother is someone who wants to have children of her own and to raise a family together with that very same man. A bride, in my opinion, is just a fancy way of saying that you don't want to do anything while trying to make it sound romantic. You would rather have your husband take care of all your needs and not do anything besides keeping his bed warm at night. Is that the kind of bride you want to be?"
Yotsuba felt her cheeks grow warm, not out of embarrassment but out of shame because of what Izumi-san had said.
"The thing about marriage is that no one knows how it's going to turn out, not even the couple themselves. Will it be a happy marriage that will last forever or one that suddenly ends in a bitter divorce? You seem to think that marriage is the final destination in a relationship. It's not. It's a stepping stone. Otherwise the very word divorce wouldn't exist. Marriages aren't just built on love, it requires trust and understanding. Only from there can love grow. You couldn't tell Fuutarou about yourself because you were afraid he would turn you away. If you can't trust anyone, why should they trust you when all you do is lie and cheat?"
She was right. Yotsuba always did have trouble trusting people because she always believed they were secretly looking down at her. She had friends but not close friends for the same reason. It had pretty much been her own version of anxiety.
More importantly she never really thought about what her life would be like with Fuutarou. She always assumed she would live happily ever after once they were married and she would have nothing to worry about anymore. Now that she knew of Fuutarou's true character along with her own that didn't seem likely.
She inwardly scoffed at herself. What a naive fool she had been.
Izumi-san shifted closer and one of her hands in hers. She looked up at the woman who gazed into her eyes.
"Yotsuba, this is your life. Do you really want to throw it all away just to be with Fuutarou? Is it really because you're too afraid to face the outside world?"
Her breath caught. Normally she would've run away the instant she was asked a question like this, like she had with Itsuki. Now there was no running away. Izumi-san had a tight hold on her.
"It's alright to be afraid," Izumi-san told her, "It's only natural. It's part of what makes us human. There isn't a single person who wasn't afraid in their lives. Anyone who tells you otherwise is a liar. I myself was afraid."
"You were?" that surprised her, "About losing Hiroki?"
"No, my tennis career."
Now she frowned, "Why? I mean, you were one of Japan's best players."
"Not in the beginning. I might have been one of the best in Japan, but was I the best on the Tour?" Izumi-san chuckled and shook her head, "High School tennis is nothing compared to the Pros. You're entering an entirely different world, filled with the most talented players from every corner of the planet with tons of experience. There are some players who are able to find success right away. Others have to crawl their way there. My first few years weren't exactly the best. It was rough, and for a time I began to doubt myself, but I kept at it until I finally found success. After that it became easier. I just kept playing the best I could and took what I could get."
Yotsuba thought back to all those trophies she saw.
"Did you ever get close to winning a Grand Slam?" she asked.
"Once, back in 2012 at the French Open. I was a championship point away when my opponent managed to make a comeback and take the win at the last second."
"Ouch. That must have been hard."
"It was," Izumi-san said bitterly, "To have come that close only to have it snatched right out of your grasp. That was the hardest loss of my career, and for a while I wasn't able to play like I used to. In fact, it took me a couple seasons to finally get my game back together. And then..." with her other hand she slapped herself on the knee, "I blew out my knee and that was it."
"I'm really sorry."
"Don't be," she smiled, "Despite the setbacks, I'm happy with the way my career went. I played the best I could and gave it all I had. I have no regrets. I'm proud of myself because I was able to do what I set out to do, even if I didn't accomplish everything I wanted."
Yotsuba looked at her before pulling her hand away. She looked out into the distance and sighed.
"I'm actually a little jealous of you right now," she said, "You have something to be proud of, whereas I've got nothing."
"And why do you say that?"
"Because I'm a nobody. I've never accomplished anything in my life."
"That's not true, Yotsuba."
"Yes, it is," she said angrily, "I mean, what am I really good for? I'm not smart like everyone else. What am I really good at besides being a housewife?"
Izumi-san looked at her as though she had spoken a foreign language.
"You're good at sports," she stated, "That's something to be proud of."
"No, it's not," Yotsuba spat, "I only went into sports because it was the only thing I could do without looking like an idiot. Anyone can play sports."
"But can anyone be an athlete like you? Do you think every athlete only went into sports because they weren't good at anything else? Well, that may be true for those who came from a poor background, but you're not one of them, Yotsuba. You have a natural talent. All those trophies you won prove are proof of that."
"No, they're not," Yotsuba spat again, more bitterly this time, "I only won those trophies so I could feel special and not feel like a loser."
Izumi-san chuckled again, "You keep going back and forth about being special, but what you fail to realize is that you already are special. You know who was the first to realize it? Your mother."
Yotsuba stared at her in surprise, "What do you mean?"
"Do you remember that soccer game you and your sisters participated in not long after your tenth birthday? Remember how you dominated the entire field? So much that even your sisters couldn't keep up with you?"
It took her a moment to remember that day, "Yeah, I remember."
"Do you remember seeing how happy she was after it was over? Remember how tightly she hugged you?"
Yotsuba thought back until she remembered that very moment. The memory of it was so tender it almost made her cry.
"Y-Yeah, I do," she sniffed, "In fact, now that I think about it, that was the only time I'd ever seen her so happy."
"That's because she saw something in you she never imagined any of her girls would have."
She looked back at Izumi-san in confusion, "I still don't understand what you mean."
The woman's lips rose, "Let me put it this way. The five of you have all inherited something from your mother. But you, Yotsuba, you inherited the one thing she would've been the most proud of. Her athleticism."
Yotsuba gaped at her, repeating the words again in her mind and trying to make sense of it.
Izumi-san smile deepened, "You girls really don't know anything about her when she was young, do you?"
She shook her head, "No, nothing at all. I don't think she ever talked about it. I don't think we ever asked her. The only thing we have of her is her funeral picture."
"Well, don't worry. That will soon change," Izumi-san quickly changed the subject, "But the point I'm trying to get at is that you're telling me that all your accomplishments have amounted to nothing. Well, you're wrong. If you really believed that you wouldn't have gotten that athletic scholarship."
Yotsuba was stunned, "Wait, how do you know about that?"
"Before I answer that, do you still have that scholarship?"
"Uh, yeah, I do. Not with me. It's in my room, inside my drawer, back at... back at the penthouse."
"I see," Izumi-san nodded approvingly, "That's good. Do you remember what college it came from? It would've been an American one."
Yotsuba had to really think back. She had only looked at that scholarship a couple of times and at most she had only glanced at it.
"Um... I think it was... North Corolla... Chapman Hill..."
She finally shrugged, for that was all she could remember.
"What about the seal?" Izumi-san asked next, "What color was it?"
She thought back again, "Blue. Light blue."
"In that case it would've been the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill."
Yotsuba stared at her in confusion and her smile deepened yet again.
"I happen to work there, not as a teacher but a volunteer assistant coach for the Women's Tennis Team."
"I..." Yotsuba was having trouble processing all this, "I still don't get it."
Izumi-san gave a little laugh. She honestly looked like she was having fun.
"Let me fill you in on a little secret, Yotsuba. Right after that soccer game your mother got in touch with me and told me all about you," she giggled, "It had been a long time since I last heard her being that excited. She then asked me to keep a close eye on you and to watch your progress. At the time I was still on tour so I had one of my friends do it for me. The point is, when a student athlete is given a scholarship it's because they've been scouted. How do you think you received yours?"
All at once it dawned on her, "Wait, you sent that scholarship?"
The woman grinned, "I had to use a lot of persuasion, but yes. I did. I've watched your progress over the years, Yotsuba. Your athleticism is on a totally different level. Every video I've seen of you never ceases to amaze me. But then you stopped participating in sports like you used to and I couldn't understand why. Part of the reason I had the school send you that scholarship was because I was hoping it would motivate you. Now that I know the whole story it makes things a little bit easier."
Before Yotsuba could say anything Izumi-san moved to where she was kneeling before her and she took one of her hands in hers again.
"Yotsuba," she looked into her eyes, "Your mother once had a dream that she never got to fulfill because of a huge mistake she made. Not once, but twice. For many years she didn't associate with me or anyone else because she was too ashamed of herself. She felt that she had let everyone down. Did you know that when she was a teacher she was using her mother's maiden name? She didn't want anyone to recognize her. She didn't want to go through the humiliation. She even changed her look. In those early years of your childhood she was very depressed. She suffered so much because she was filled with so many regrets, but then she saw something that brought her great joy. That was you, Yotsuba."
She sat there in silence. She didn't know what to say.
"Yotsuba," Izumi-san reached up and touched her cheek, "You have been given a great gift that none of your sisters possess. That is what makes you special. I would hate to see it go to waste, and if she were here she'd be saying the very same thing to you, along with anyone else who knew her. You say you're not smart enough to do anything else, and that's okay. You don't have to be the smartest person in the world. Your mother wasn't either, but she didn't need to be. All she needed to do was to be herself."
She lifted a finger when Yotsuba started to protest.
"I know what you're going to say. You don't know what yourself is. Don't worry. You'll find out soon enough. But what I can say is that you are an athlete. It may be the only thing that you're good at, but it's better than nothing, Yotsuba, and that means a great deal. I became both an athlete and a tennis player because that's what I wanted to do, because that's what I love. You can do something similar if you really put your mind to it. You're going to sit there and seriously tell me that all those sports you participated in, all those games and trophies you won weren't real? That it didn't mean anything? Well, I don't believe it."
She said it with enough force that it moved Yotsuba.
"But you know what? It doesn't matter what I believe, because you're the one who has to live with that fear inside you. Afraid that everyone, including your own sisters, are going to take things away from you. That you'll be remembered as a nobody, that you're a coward, that you will never amount to anything. Well, none of that is true, Yotsuba. But it doesn't matter if I tell you this because you're the one who has to deal with it. Stop listening to the voice that keeps saying, 'You can't do this! You can't do that! Because you can't!'. Start listening to the voice that says, 'You can do this! You can do that! Because you can!'. Because when it's all said and done, and things finally quiet down, it's just going to be you. And you can't go on like this. Your sisters can't go on like this. If you don't at least try, it's going to bother you for the rest of your life. Look at what it's doing to you now. Look at what it's doing to your sisters."
Yotsuba was a loss for words. She realized this was exactly what she needed to hear and wished that it had come much sooner.
"Your mother believed that you were capable of accomplishing great things in your life till the day she died," Izumi-san ran her thumb over her cheek, "There were so many things she wanted to do with you but never got the chance. I too believe that you're capable of great things. But you, Yotsuba, whatever you decide to do you've got to do it for the right reasons. Not for me, not for your mother, not for your sisters, or even Fuutarou. But for you. Just you and you alone."
Yotsuba slowly digested every one of her words and saw that they all rang true. However...
"I... I understand what you're saying," she said, "But... what if I still fail?"
"Then you fail," Izumi-san said firmly, "but at least you won't have any excuses, and you'll be able to walk away knowing that you did your very best and gave it everything you had. That's something I know you can live with."
And at that moment Yotsuba felt a tremendous weight lift from her shoulders.
"When you return to your sisters, and you will, the first thing I want you to do is to take out that scholarship and take a serious look at it. Then I want you to start thinking about your future and what you want to do with your life. Forget about Fuutarou for the time being. Focus on yourself. Please, Yotsuba," Izumi-san looked at her with pleading eyes, "This is your life. Do something with it. Don't throw it all away. This may be your last chance of having a life of your own and not being dependent on someone. The worst thing that can happen to anyone is when they look at themselves ten, twenty, thirty years from now and realize that they wasted their life away and are filled with nothing but regrets. I don't want to see that happen to you, and it would break your mother's heart if it did. Will you at least promise me that you'll think it over?"
It took some time, but eventually Yotsuba said, "Yes. I promise."
Izumi-san let out a sigh of relief, "Thank you," and squeezed her shoulder.
"Well then," she stood and picked up her tennis racket, "I think this break has gone for far too long, don't you think? Shall we continue your tennis lesson?"
Yotsuba laughed and jumped to her feet, "Yes, please!"
A couple of hours later Izumi ended the lesson for the day. Yotsuba was disappointed, although she did her best to hide it.
Izumi was happy to see her eagerness. Yotsuba taking a real interest in something was a good thing for her, but there were still more important matters she had to deal with first. Her relationship with Fuutarou and her future.
When Yotsuba asked if they could have another lesson tomorrow Izumi told her it would have to wait for another day. She was expecting her old friends to arrive tomorrow and she was to fill them in on the current situation. She also told Yotsuba that it would be wise to purchase some tennis gear, including a more modern and lighter racket, and gave her thirty thousand yen for her to use.
Yotsuba tried to refuse the money, saying that it wouldn't be right, but eventually accepted at Izumi's insistence after it was made clear how important it would be if she wanted to continue taking lessons. The girl left in high spirits, but Izumi could tell she was going to have a lot to think about. She had done everything she could, the rest was now up to her. But Izumi had faith. Yotsuba was Rena's daughter after all.
Ten minutes after Yotsuba left there was a knock on her door and she opened to find Miyu standing there.
"Hey, did you record it?"
Her friend lifted the bag that carried her camera.
"All of it," she grinned and came inside, "You took quite a long break there. It looked pretty serious. What were you talking about?"
"A lot of times. Important things. About her, myself, Rena, and what she needed to do."
"Did she listen."
Izumi nodded, "I believe so. We'll just have to wait and see. Have you heard from the others?"
"Yes. I picked up Lita at the airport yesterday. She's at my place sleeping off the jet lag right now. My sister's on here way to pick up both Ichinose and Ninoko at the train station while Yoshi is coming in from Hokkaido with Suki. They'll all be there tomorrow as promised."
"Good," Izumi smiled fondly, "It'll be nice to see everyone again."
"Yeah," Miyu went to where Rena's picture was and picked it up. She sniffed as the memories came back to her, "I really wish she was still here."
Izumi came over and placed an arm on her shoulders, "So do I. We all do."
"Was she interested?" Miyu turned to her with hope in her eyes.
"Definitely," her own eyes gleamed, "But let's not get our hopes up just yet. There's a lot she has to do first."
Yotsuba made her way to the tennis shop Izumi-san had recommended she visit, following the directions she had written down for her. Izumi-san had also told her to keep the red and black tennis racket she had used today and had even given her two sets of balls for her to use.
She had learned quite a lot about tennis today and was eager to learn more. She had never been this interested in a sport before and it really surprised her. However, her thoughts were occupied by the conversation they had today.
She now knew what she had to do to help Nino. Her sister needed to be with Fuutarou, just for one day, and there was only one way to do that. Whatever happened next would be up to them. Yotsuba wasn't sure how she felt about it but she didn't want to see Nino suffer any longer.
Then of course there was Fuutarou himself. What Izumi-san had said about him was true. Fuutarou needed to discover what his own feelings were. Now that she knew about his relationship with his mother it was clear that Nino may be the only one who could help him come out his dark and lonely prison, just as he did for her.
An unpleasant thought entered her mind. Maybe they really were better suited for each other. They understand each other better than Yotsuba and the rest did. What if Fuutarou really didn't have feelings for her? What if he discovered that he really did have feelings for one of her sisters? Such as Nino?
Yotsuba waited to see what her inner reaction would be and... nothing happened. She was surprised at herself. Was she really okay with that? Shouldn't she feel sad or even a bit upset? Why did she feel that way?
Then she remembered what Izumi-san said to her. She had to think of Fuutarou's happiness instead of just her own, just as Izumi-san did with her childhood friend. Nino had said that she wanted Fuutarou to be happy and was willing to let him go. There was the possibility Yotsuba had to face as well. Surprisingly that didn't bother her either. She too wanted Fuutarou to be, just as she did for Nino.
Which led her to her final thoughts. If she and Fuutarou realized that they really weren't suited for each other and decided to part ways, what would she do? Where would she go from here?
A familiar pop snapped her from her thoughts.
She looked around, not recognizing her surroundings. Then she remembered what she had been doing, but then she heard the pop again. Along with many more. She also heard the sounds of shoes squeaking and even some grunting. Turning to where she was hearing the sounds she found that she had stumbled across a high school in which its tennis teams were in the middle of an intense practice session.
Yotsuba soon found herself moving closer to get a better look, her eyes riveted to the action before her.
She saw one tall player striking powerful balls towards the opposite side against an opponent who was much shorter. The shots he was hitting were coming so fast she didn't believe his opponent could return them. But with huge bursts of speed the shorter player was able to catch them in time and return the shot effectively.
She then saw a female player serve and charge the net while her opponent remained at the baseline. She was able to hit every ball her opponent struck back at her and eventually score a point, causing her opponent to throw her racket away in disgust.
Yotsuba heard herself chuckle. She probably would've felt the same way.
Two other players were both playing at the net, hitting the ball back at such speeds it was a blur. She saw another player hit the ball so gently it barely went over the net. Another hit the ball very high and she saw the opponent strike the ball back with a smash, something she was very familiar with from her days in badminton.
"Wow," she heard herself say.
"Pretty cool, huh?"
She jumped at the sound of the voice and turned to see a female student standing beside her, wearing a uniform she didn't recognize.
"Uh, yeah," she made herself smile while gesturing to the tennis courts, "They're really going at, aren't they?"
"They have to," the girl answered, "The tournament for the National Championship is starting next week. They're one of the top contenders so they've got to get ready."
But Yotsuba wasn't listening. Her attention had returned to the action. As she watched she began to think.
I wish I could do that, then she thought, Can I do that?
Then a voice inside her mind said, Yes, Yotsuba, you can. You can do that if you really wanted to.
Author's Note
We have finally reached the end of Act Two. From here on out things will finally start to take a turn for the better. We haven't seen Nino or her thoughts this entire act but that will soon change. In Act Three Fuutarou will change into a better person, the Quints will learn what their mother was like when she was young, and Yotsuba will discover who she is and what she can be. Thank you for all your support so far. Stay tuned for the next one.