48
every prince
in the book
of love
journeys
from a faraway
dark place
finds an angel
of mercy
to shelter and shield
him from pain
he enters my dreams
tells me
I can find my true desire
if I follow
the heart's labyrinth
show naked courage
and a will to give all
yet when we meet
and I have finally come home
he is already
leaving
already mapping his return
to the land
where the royal one
sleeps alone in a place
without light
when angels speak of love by bell hooks
latch by sam smith (acoustic)
Damon could feel time crawl to a standstill as he stared into the most beautiful pair of green eyes he had ever seen. He was sure he was having another hallucination. A delusion advancing from an auditory comfort to a full-on visual spectacle. Damon shook his head. He tried to call his make-believe Bonnie away but the scent of something sacred flooded his lungs.
It was the scent that had kept him alive in the Prison World. The scent he kept inhaling from Mrs. Cuddles until there was not a trace left. It was the scent that fueled his dreams and haunted his nightmares. It was the scent of Bonnie Bennett. Ravishingly and blessedly alive, in front of him.
Before he realized it, her name fell from his lips like a prayer, disguised as a question. Etched in every syllable was his hope. One name whispered in reverence. A voice saturated with longing. Begging.
She couldn't believe it, even though he whispered her name. His voice gripped her taking the air from her lungs like it always did but not even the echo of her voice in answer made it real.
She couldn't believe it was Damon Salvatore in front of her until she looked deeper into his eyes. Those twin blue moons, saintly and gently pulling her soul all the way through to the present.
Damon opened his arms wide. Tears of joy were ready to spill from her face. Only a goofy smile kept them from falling. He couldn't contain his excitement as Bonnie leaped into him. He didn't even try.
Bonnie felt all her angst, trauma, and frustration float away the moment he embraced her. For months she longed to hold someone, and now she was holding her person.
Her head stopped spinning. The adrenaline in her veins started pumping. The lump in her throat ceased aching. Finally, the air returned to her lungs, and the reality that she was alive again became visceral. Only then in Damon's arms did Bonnie believe she was home.
She buried her face into his neck, taking in his scent of lavender, sandalwood, and that other thing. His hormones, a soothing aroma that no amount of bathing and cologne could mimic. It was all man and vampire. Supernatural and natural. A scent one hundred percent unique to Damon.
He breathed her in, honeysuckle and rose mixed with other unfamiliar florals. Her scent burned his nose with the reality of her presence. His savior, his temptress, his girl, was home. Seeped in bliss he couldn't contain a chuckle.
She held him tighter, rocking them back and forth. Rubbing her cheek against his stubble made her toes curl and brought the hair on her arms to attention. Her thighs instinctively gripped with more force as if she was trying to make their beings one.
Her warmth was electrifying and sent tingles throughout him. Her arms locked around his neck and her thighs around his stomach suffocated him. Blood flowed away from his brain and into his cheeks and other places. His skin and chest tightened in ecstasy. He never felt happier.
The rhythm of their heartbeats was strong. Thudding against their chests, the vibration bled into the other. Like dueling drums layered on top of each other. It was hard to tell when one beat ended and another beat began. They were one sound.
Bonnie's heartbeat, wasn't the only thing pounding. At first, the realization that she was home had eased the tension in her throat. Now another wave of insight had caused the choking knot to return. A simple thought had entered her mind causing a strange ambivalence to wash over her. She was no longer in nineteen ninety-four. She could taste a salty tear seeping into the corner of her mouth. She squeezed Damon, accepting relief and pushing away the unexplainable negativity.
All his senses were on fire and he could feel the veins behind his eyes protrude as his gums itched. The sweet smell of her was as arousing as it was comforting. He could recall her taste on his tongue, heat rising on every bud calling to her. Salivating he burned with thirst months in the making. It had been this way for him ever since he had tasted her last August. The distance made him forget but it could never take away the desire.
Damon needed to disentangle himself but her grip was so tight. Panic set in when he felt where all the rest of his blood traveled. His fangs were not the only thing that wanted to get inside Bonnie.
He couldn't set her down without risking her feeling him on the way down. He couldn't keep her there lest she felt him against her thigh. Damon tried to make his way to the island in front of him. He hoped he could place her on the counter far away from his crotch. Yet, Bonnie's vice grip and overjoyed swinging had him off balance.
He tried to stabilize himself but only his left foot supported all their weight. He was tipping forward and headed for the ground fast. Overcorrecting, he bent backward stomping his right foot to the floor. As they began to stumble, Bonnie unburied her head and released her legs from his waist. She was trying to catch herself in case they fell. The sudden shift in momentum forced Damon's lower back into the counter behind him. While his neck pulled forward from the weight of Bonnie still hanging on. Still, on tiptoe her feet were drug across the ground as she fell backward with Damon, landing between his open legs.
At that moment, Bonnie could feel every inch of him. He was hard and hot against her belly. In shock, she looked up at him but instead of feeling his intense gaze on her, she felt something unexpected.
In the first second, Damon saw their friendship implode in his mind. Bonnie who had made it clear that she wanted nothing to do with his sex, was feeling every inch of it. And even worse somehow his lips were now on hers. By the second, he was aware that her lips were soft. The gentle dew of her lips moistened his bottom lip, teasing the sweet nectar of her saliva. By the third, he had closed his eyes.
Bonnie couldn't feel much beyond the pounding of her heart in her ears. The shock of everything had her mind in a haze. She couldn't stop blinking. She couldn't breathe. Her head jerked away almost immediately. But, in that second delay, she felt a powerful tidal wave of dopamine hit her brain. It was like pure pleasure had shot from Damon's bottom lip into her mouth setting her neurons alight.
Veins that only came out during blood lust were framing his closed eyes. Bonnie could feel the dark pull within him calling to her. She sucked in a breath finally taking a step back. Out of Damon's grip, she tried to regain control of herself. The weight of those all too familiar emotions, fear, and guilt took her thoughts away to a dark place.
"I'm sorry Damon it was an accident."
In that instant, Damon felt something snap within him," What?!"
Damon looked angry. She could still see a hint of blood lust in his eyes. Red clouded the blue, and Damon's comforting visage became menacing. She wasn't frightened at all, she hadn't been in a while. Seeing the shadow that lurked within him was as bizarre as it was beguiling. His dark power reeled her in speaking to her very depths, her core hot and molten, desperate to be quenched by his touch. Or even more, coaxed to erupt. Her eyes glided over his lips, the sight of his causing hers to tingle. The phantom sensation of his touch took her over once again. Blood was rushing to her head until she could only hear ringing in her ears. The magic, the magnetism, the kiss. It was all too much.
Bonnie snapped out of it taking up her battle-worn shield of anger, "Why are you mad!? I said I was sorry."
Bonnie getting angry at him for snapping at her did nothing to stop Damon's thirst. In truth, it never did, it always made it worse. In the past, he was better at hiding it, but now it was like being steeped in an alcohol bath after months sober. Overwhelmed was an understatement.
Yet, the confusion he was feeling about why she had apologized was what was driving him now.
"I'm not! Why would I be mad!?" he sounded irritated. At this point, he was certain it was more than the apology that was bothering him.
"Cause… of what happened!" she said balling her little fists at her sides as she shouted at him before crossing her arms again. He would have thought it was cute if he wasn't so frustrated.
Okay so I am mad but why? And why can't she say the word kiss? It's not that hard.
"Yeah? You mean just now when we…" Bonnie felt the bile rise in her throat. She couldn't take this. The feeling of anxiety was overwhelming her. She wanted to forget everything she had felt. She couldn't accept that after months of being careful, one stupid mistake and they had kissed.
Even if it was an accident she didn't want it to seem like she had finally given in to whatever the strangeness was.
Now more than ever they needed to just be friends. She was certain Damon was back with Elena and she couldn't afford to lose the people she cared about. She was finally home, and she didn't want to end up alone all over again.
"We didn't do anything it was an accident!" she interrupted turning her back on Damon pacing back and forth. Her fingers clutched the locket around her neck.
"Okay so why are you apologizing then?" he asked his tone was less aggressive but Bonnie assumed he was accusing her of wanting to kiss him. Even though she had wanted to kiss Damon, on several occasions this was not one of those times. She was happy to settle for a passionate hug from a friend.
"Why are you mad?!" she asked attempting to deflect the blame.
Damon sighed knowing exactly what Bonnie was thinking. Don't accuse me of wanting you, when you know very well I don't. Even if I did, I'd deny it to my grave.
Damon chuckled wryly to himself. This was the same song and dance he was used to in '94 whenever they got too intimate. Damon didn't know why but he was still incredibly irritated. He couldn't think straight, between his blood lust and the body lust his mind was in a rage. He should be used to her acting weird whenever they got too close. But nothing Bonnie was doing this time made sense.
She shouldn't be apologizing for an accident. She should be upset that Damon was hard. Better yet, she should still be kissing him, swooning, or something like that.
Is that why I am mad? For her ending the kiss? Because she was able to end the kiss and I wanted to keep going? How was she able to end the kiss!?
Damon closed his eyes trying to take deep breaths. After months of desiring her. Months of sleepless nights and longing. She was back and she had come to him before all others. She had run to him and he could feel her heart pounding in his chest. Then they kissed, and for a brief and deliriously happy second, he dared to believe that they were something special.
However, it was clear the serendipitous moment he experienced was anything but serene for Bonnie. It was a mistake, a horrible mistake. Damon's body burned with a deep resentment that was also months in the making. He shouldn't be the only one having a hard time with the nature of their relationship, it wasn't fair.
Damon saw Bonnie holding herself, trying to look at him from under her lashes. Her mouth was pressed in an unreadable straight line but her brows were furrowed in an all too familiar way. She was anxious and more than likely studying his face to see what he was feeling and thinking. Even now, Bonnie was worried about him.
My anxious little bird.
Reminded that she was not naturally selfish or impulsive. He knew she wouldn't be accepting her undying attraction for Damon anytime soon. She was determined to be his friend. He should be grateful. Besides he already had a girlfriend.
Damon felt guilt for his attraction to Bonnie, which again deflated his ego. He had to do better, he couldn't constantly remind himself after the fact not to want Bonnie that way. Now that they were both back amongst the living, the stakes were higher.
Already, people were suspicious that his feelings were not platonic. If they saw them interact the way they had in the prison world, things would get worse. He was used to people hating him, so he knew he would be fine. But he couldn't imagine anyone feeling that way toward Bonnie. Damon took a deep breath. He shifted his focus back to protecting Bonnie, against his arch-nemesis, himself.
"I'm not mad, I am confused about why you're sorry," his tone was gentle. Bonnie's eyes met his, skeptical.
"Cause it was a mistake it shouldn't have happened," Bonnie said meekly. Looking away from him, still playing with a necklace Damon now noticed.
"You don't have to apologize for things that aren't your fault Bonnie. Let's forget about it, okay?"
Bonnie finally looked up at Damon, and a silent understanding passed between the two. The war was over.
"So," Damon spoke reaching out to touch Bonnie's necklace. He stopped before he encroached on her space again.
"Where did you get that?"
"This?" Bonnie looked surprised before her countenance fell as if a dark cloud had landed over her.
"I have something to show you Damon but I'm not sure you are going to believe me."
Bonnie took another sip of bourbon feeling her slight headache finally settle. Damon had invited her downstairs to the bar to have a drink. After everything she had just revealed to Damon, she agreed that they needed it.
Damon hadn't said much about the news of his mother. She suspected he was still processing it. Instead, he had brought down a jewelry box with two other nearly identical brooches.
After showing her their similarities and briefly describing their physical differences Damon went silent. It was obvious he was lost in thought and was overwhelmed by something. So she asked him what he was thinking and he let loose on her as if he hadn't spoken for the last six months.
Bonnie took another long sip, really trying to process what Damon told her. A deeply unsettling feeling had come to nest in the pit of her stomach after what she had heard. She was upset that she didn't have a name for it but she was even more concerned about who it was directed toward.
Bonnie was starting to question Elena's love for Damon after hearing how she erased her memories of him. She heard Damon try and justify what happened and intellectually she could understand. However, she felt furious maybe even disgusted.
She thought of her father. Seeing his death replay in her mind over and over again, was a pain she wished she could get rid of. However, she wouldn't erase everything about her father no matter how much it hurt to remember that he was not alive anymore.
She thought of her grandmother. Her death had changed her irrevocably but so had her life. Every beautiful moment and memory hurt initially but it was those moments that made her the woman she was today.
She thought of when she had sent Damon away and was alone. She never wished she could forget him. His memory was the only thing keeping her sane. For the longest time, it was the only thing keeping her alive. If she had him the way Elena did. If she had allowed herself to act on her desires, and somehow even fallen in love with him after, she still couldn't imagine erasing even one second. No matter how much it would hurt that he was gone.
Bonnie could see Damon was trying his best to forgive Elena. It was truly amiable, how much he loved her. If she didn't know him better, she might just think he was just that kind. But she knew Damon and his fears. Being alone and being left behind was at the very top of his list. Being forgotten couldn't be that much different for him.
Bonnie was lost in thought struggling to understand how Elena could be so selfish. Every scenario she came up with, resulted in her believing that Elena wasn't actually in love with Damon. Maybe as Caroline had said, Elena was just a sire bonded to Damon. If that were the case it would make sense how she could erase him.
Bonnie could accept that her best friend was just no longer in love with Damon and just didn't know how to stop the relationship. Damon could be convincing even when you didn't even want anything to do with him. However, she was also Damon's friend and she knew Damon did not deserve to have his love taken for granted.
Bonnie wasn't sure what to say to Damon about it. She couldn't just throw Elena under the bus and say she was wrong. Elena was her best friend since diapers. Even though she didn't agree with what she was doing it wasn't her place to interfere. Bonnie decided she wouldn't say her opinion. She would instead listen to Damon and help him come to his conclusion. She would support whatever they decided to do about their relationship.
"So, what do you think, I should do?" Damon asked looking at Bonnie with deeply sad eyes. It was obvious he had been waiting a long time to talk about this with someone.
"Have you told her how you feel?"
"What do you mean?"
"Did you tell her how you felt?" Damon rolled his eyes. It was typical of Bonnie to only ask one question over again. He just wasn't in the mood for it.
"Well, I told her that I didn't believe that she didn't still have feelings for me and that we couldn't stay away from each other," Damon hoped they could move on to her helping him with Elena but Bonnie wasn't giving anything away. She was waiting for him to reveal more. After a moment of them just staring at each other she finally asked him again.
"Did you tell her how you felt?"
Damon wasn't sure how to take this but a smile was the first thing to come to him. His heart was breaking because of the situation with Elena, but he was relieved that Bonnie knew him well enough to know that he was upset. He sighed feeling a strange sort of peace wash over him as he allowed himself to experience the true melancholy that developed because of his relationship with Elena.
"I never said anything, specific but I did break up with her," Bonnie's eyes opened wide for a nanosecond but she controlled her expression and continued to listen," It was brief really, I only did it after she tried to hurt herself to get her memory back. It's a long story that involves the anti-magic barrier. Thankfully Kai got rid of it."
Damon heard the audible shiver that came from Bonnie when he mentioned Kai's name. He squinted wondering if something had occurred between the two when he was gone. Aside from him shooting her with an arrow, of course, he wasn't sure of anything else that would cause her to react that way. She hadn't even been that scared when Kai explained his dubious family history. He knew Kai wanted to apologize but the details were elusive.
"Bonnie?"
Damon's tone was soft he knew he had to be delicate with the topic, just in case something happened. Bonnie's eyebrow lifted in response to his change in tone.
"Damon?" she smiled but her eyes looked dark. The light was barely shining.
"Did something happen with Kai?"
Bonnie's face went pale. Damon was really worried about what happened. His mind was going to so many different things. Had Kai hurt her again besides just leaving her behind? Did he rape her? Should he have killed him as soon as he got the chance? Should he kill him now?
"I don't want to talk about it."
Bonnie's voice was stern but he could hear the slight cracking. Something happened.
Damon put his hand on Bonnie's trying to comfort her but he wanted to pull her into a hug. He would keep the boundary for now unless she started crying then he'd hug her until all the pain disappeared.
"You know you can tell me what happened. Whatever it was, I am on your side. No matter what it was, I won't judge you."
Bonnie looked blankly for a second, before smiling. It didn't reach her eyes.
"I know Damon, I know you will listen."
"Not just that Bonnie. If you need help hiding a body and covering it up I will."
Bonnie's eyes opened wider before a bright smile took over her entire face. She was laughing genuinely and Damon felt relieved. It couldn't be that bad if she laughed so genuinely. He had forgotten what it was like when she hated him. Perhaps she had been like that when he was on her most hated list. Damon kept studying her face waiting for the smile to disappear. Bonnie was good at pretending to be okay, but he was sure he could detect it.
"I love that about you. You are always so crazily committed. Sure it gets you and everyone in trouble. And I always have to clean your messes. But I honestly truly love that about you."
Bonnie looked at him, her eyes which had once been a light brown had turned bright green. His heart tremored in his chest with a seismic energy that took his breath and threatened to knock him to his feet. Good God, she will be the death of me.
Damon looked away trying to gain his senses. He was grateful they were sitting down lest he is knocked over. He found himself whispering the beginning of a Catholic protection prayer under his breath, "O Maria, Madre di Dio". She always seemed to pull the pious and shocked Catholic boy out of him when she caught him off guard.
Damon needed to recover, his silence would make Bonnie's simple confession of adoration for him into something more serious. He knew she meant it platonically, he shouldn't take it out of context. The only solution was to tease her about it.
"First you kiss me now you are telling me you love me? Wow, hell really must be freezing over."
Bonnie blushed before snapping back with a smile" I never said I loved you. Goddess, I can't say anything nice about you without you acting like a prick."
"Uh-huh! You can pretend all you want but guess what?"
"What?!" Bonnie asked stepping into his trap. A la Miss Congeniality her third favorite movie he started singing.
"I know you like me…You think I'm sexy… You want to love me…. You want to smooch me."
"Shut up!" she shouted laughing intensely.
"Why?" Damon was enjoying the sound of her laugh. It started deep and husky then would all of a sudden turn high pitch, like the end of a Gerber baby ad. It was the cutest thing ever.
"You love me don't you Bon-Bon," he teased again.
Her eyes were watering and she was holding her belly with one hand. Her other hand which had found its way to his bicep was squeezing.
He loved making her laugh. It was his favorite pastime rivaled only by staring into her eyes. Damon had the bright idea of trying to tickle her while she was down. Bonnie jerked in response, somehow knocking her whiskey over in both their laps. Damon caught the glass before it fell but the liquid was staining both their clothes.
"Crap!" Bonnie sighed deeply getting up and attempting to wipe the excess liquid from the floor with her small napkin. Stupidly, Damon went down their two, knocking his forehead against Bonnie's.
Briefly, they looked up at each other, face to face. Their lips were only inches apart and she could feel Damon's breath on her upper lip. She fell backward into the chair behind her. That was her queue to leave the situation, quickly.
Bonnie got up and without explanation and started backing away. She noticed Damon's concern but she did not care. They were in dangerous territory once again, and her mind was telling her no. Even though her heart and her gut were telling her to stay.
"Where are you going?" his tone was filled with sorrow. Bonnie felt it tug at her heart, but she was determined to avoid having another awkward moment between them.
"I'm going to clean up," she stated before running toward the stairs and her bedroom at high speed.
Damon watched Bonnie run away taking all his joy with her. Now he was just left with the smell of bourbon and the faint scent of everything he wanted right now. Damon considered chasing after her but it would be like a dog chasing after a car. He wasn't sure what he would do with her when he caught her.
He wanted to make love to her. His mind went to her breasts. The sight of them thinly clothed in only a shirt always drove him mad. As they talked he had noticed them harden, cutely looking up at him. He did his best not to stare. For some reason it reminded him of that one time, he had saved her while she was playing pool all those years ago.
Before he had joked about not noticing them but now they always seemed to be on his mind. Only once and from some distance had he seen them in all their naked splendor. Her nipples were perfect like two chocolate kisses he wanted to devour. The first thing he would do after kissing her would be to make a trail of fire down her neck into her bosom. And he wouldn't just tease her nipples, he would take her whole breast into his mouth. Sucking deeply until she screamed in ecstasy.
Damon rubbed his hands together trying to wring out the sweat in his palm. He decided it was best to finish cleaning up the bar before he did anything dumb. On his way back downstairs with paper towels, he saw the box of his mother's cameos glinting in the low light of the bar.
It was strange to see all three of them there like that. Damon had kept the second one safe with him, it was the one that looked most like his mother. The first one had been attached to Ms. McCullough a long time ago, which is why he had given it to Mable. In case Emily needed money to fund their escape.
Somehow it found its way back to his sort of via Caroline. He had gone searching for it one night while he was in one of his moods. He had found it during a full moon as he walked the entire Forbes acreage with only a bottle of bourbon to keep him company. The third had been buried with his mother.
Mother. Damon felt his blood run cold remembering the news Bonnie had given him less than an hour ago. His mother was alive, and honestly, he wasn't sure how to feel about it. The woman in the video did look like Lillian Salvatore, and the one cameo Bonnie brought home was indeed the one buried with her. There was a possibility that was his mother.
Yet his mind kept stumbling over the same questions. The answers to some were more obvious than others, however, they were no less upsetting. If that was his mother, then did that mean they held a funeral for nothing? Yes, which meant the years he spent hating himself for not speaking at his mother's funeral ultimately meant nothing.
How was his mother able to survive consumption? Something healed her, there was magic in the world, and he was sure several things could have done it.
If she were trapped in the year 1903 then how was she able to live without aging a day? Again the answer was obvious his mother was a vampire.
The last two questions hurt the most and left him feeling even more certain that he could not say anything about this to Stefan. First, what had his mother done to be locked away alone in a prison world? He guessed it had something to do with her being a vampire or worse a ripper. Second and the most difficult question, why hadn't she come back for him and Stefan?
Damon picked up the third cameo tracing the carvings gently. Each face was that of a different woman carved into a mother-of-pearl shell and pressed against a dark background framed in silver. The chains were also of silver with a string of three lupus-lazuli beads on either side. Lapus-Lazuli was the Salvatore family's signature stone.
Each face had been designed by his mother and their differences were nearly imperceptible. However, he remembered when his mother first allowed him to touch the cameos. It was a year after Stefan had been born, and his mother was bedridden.
Damon worried she was dying but after a year he finally had gotten used to her never leaving the bed. Damon had entered the room intent on asking his mother permission to sleep over at a friend's house that Sunday after church but the sight of her startled him.
His mother was crying, but a smile was shining bright on her face. Her long red hair was loose and hung low against her back and was spread out on the covers. In her hands, was one of the cameos. She brought the cameo into the little light streaming across her bed. She lived in the dark but today she had let an inch of the light in from the window. Damon could see her long fingernails glowing translucent as the brooch twinkled in her hands. Sobbing she sang a lullaby, he recognized as the one she sang to him when he was much younger.
Damon was terrified of his mother. Her wild manic smile and unsettling bellowing made him want to depart from the room. But her gaze caught him and she looked at him with an expression of joy and surprise that he hadn't seen on her face since he was small.
She called him over beckoning him to come to see" the pieces of her heart". Damon obeyed, climbing onto the bed uncertain of his mother's mood. To his surprise, she scooped him up into his lap like he was still a baby.
Damon despite his fear settled into the warmth of his mother who smelled of lilac and lavender. It had been years since she had hugged him. She took his hand and had him trace the outline of each cameo.
"Number one has a nose delicate at the tip just like yours. Number two has my chin, a similar face. And number three has your brother's forehead."
"So it's kind of big," Damon had accidentally let his comment slip, and he mentally prepared for his mother's punishment. Instead, she simply laughed.
"It is quite the stately forehead isn't it?" she joked, making Damon feel warm with joy. Still, he didn't laugh just in case she didn't mean it.
"It's cute," Damon complimented," I mean as cute as a baby's forehead could be."
"Cute?" his mother asked unclear if Damon was saying it looked clever.
"Like pretty?"Damon spoke with a matter-of-fact tone, trying not to roll his eyes.
"Oh, so cute doesn't mean cute anymore?"
"No it does, but it's just how you say it. It's the difference between someone acting cute like 'smart" or being pretty." Damon tried to explain slowly, and it kind of sounded like he was annoyed. Cause he kind of was.
"Oh well thank you professor Salvatore for the English lesson."
Damon winced, his mother's town didn't sound very happy. Again she didn't react, she just kept hugging him staring at the brooch in her hand.
"You were also once a "cute" baby with a very stately forehead."
"I'm not still cute?" this time Damon intentionally joked risking being hit for being cheeky. He searched his mother's face for her emotion, prepared to run. But she just smiled down at him, her eyes tearing up. This confused Damon, he wasn't sure what to say.
"You Leith, are beautiful and cute and I don't mean in a pretty way," Damon smiled almost feeling tears well up in his eyes. Only his mom and grandmother called him Leith. He rarely heard his Scottish name. He loved it. His mother was careful never to speak it in his father's presence.
They were quiet for a while and the silence only seemed to make his mother cry more.
"You okay mom," he asked trying not to cry. He wondered if his mother was dying without telling him. She had been bedridden several times before. But this was different, this had lasted a whole year.
"I'm fine darling," she said wiping the tear from the corner of his eye before hugging him tightly. They sat there for a bit cuddled up in each other's warmth.
"Mère," he asked in French," why are the cameos women if they have me and Stefan's features? Shouldn't they be a portrait of us as men?"
Damon didn't understand why his mother stiffened. He just heard her say that she was tired and needed rest. He didn't argue, he was used to her mood growing cold, especially now that Stefan was born. Damon left feeling only slightly dejected. He was just grateful that his mother had held him again.
Damon woke up from his memory feeling the familiar longing to see his mother. In theory, he could see her, and a part of him wanted to. But he reconsidered his last question once more.
Why hadn't she come back for him and Stefan?
Damon's mind flooded with memories, of his father laying into his mother for nothing. Damon was only four but the sound of glass breaking as his father flipped the table in anger still tormented him. He thought about how his father would find creative reasons to punish Damon when he was having a bad day. He would scream for her to help him as a babe and she would be forced to watch. Over time, she stopped looking so afraid for him and she began to adopt that horrendous blank stare. As if she had traveled a million miles within herself and wouldn't return unless she was dragged out.
As he got older he began protesting more and that would only caused his father to be more violent. His father would follow it up by starving him for a day and when he begged for food his mother would say," You made your bed now lie in it, Damiano." And in the most sickly sweet and fake voice, she would say, "have a nice nap."
Damon knew the answer to the last question. She simply no longer loved them. If she ever truly had. Damon sighed picking up the brooch Bonnie had returned to him. Damon took in her scent feeling at ease if only for a moment.
Maybe he could hope that he was wrong. Maybe he could dare to dream that his mother loved him. Damon took a deep breath, before setting back up stares with the brooch. Maybe it was best to leave the hoping to Bonnie.
Bonnie made her way up the stairs heart beating madly in her chest. She thought for a moment that Damon would follow her. She could feel his stare lingering on her backside. Bonnie took a deep breath, holding it for fifteen seconds, before exhaling. She felt the urge to look back but she kept herself focused.
What are you going to do Salvatore?
Bonnie kept moving toward her room but Damon never followed. Instead, she managed to make it there in peace. Bonnie waited thirty seconds at the door to her bedroom, feeling her chest tighten.
She wasn't sure what was overwhelming her at that moment but it was causing her blood to boil. She finally looked back but Damon was nowhere in sight.
Bonnie entered her room stripped off her clothes and rushed to the shower. She was desperate for cold water. Magic was boiling in her veins and her mind was everywhere.
I can't believe him. I mean who does he think is? One minute he's yelling at me, the next he's flirting with me.
Bonnie took her bra off feeling the air tingle her already-hardened nipples. Her body was flushed with fever and heat. She pulled off her panties to see a sticky wet mess soaking her underwear.
What was up with him trying to grab that glass just then? What next, would he wipe me down? I mean imagine? What did he think I was going to do just sit there?
Bonnie sighed turning the water on in the shower. She entered letting the water soothe her overheated body. Her heart was still hammering away. Her hands had a mind of their own and were now attempting to soothe that ache.
I mean what would I have done? I just would have… hurt him? Run away? Indulged him? Of course not.
Her right hand gently spread her swollen and needy lips giving way to her index finger. Gingerly she touched herself with a minuscule amount of pressure and immediately felt a tingle of electricity shoot through her. She jerked forward catching herself with her left hand. Cold water hammered down on top of her head but she didn't dare stop herself.
Bonnie bit her lip holding back an incriminating moan. Earlier when his warmth and hardness were pressed against her a flood had started within her. While pleasing herself, her longing for him came back to her. It was a longing for him that existed before the incident downstairs. It was a longing birthed from one silly moment last August. It was the moment that changed everything. Ruined everything and made their life hell, causing her so much guilt and pain just to be in Damon's presence. It was the moment Bonnie almost gave in to Damon completely.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012- Morning
Bonnie felt the grogginess of sleep leave her. As she tossed awake in bed trying to find more warmth. She had been sweating profusely in the night and was now cold. Bonnie inched closer to the light that broke through her window. She kept shifting for what felt like forever, the bed seemed longer. Or maybe she shrunk. Bonnie kept going, using her legs to peak out to make sure she didn't touch the edge but it was nowhere in sight. Come to think of it this side of the bed isn't normally sunny.
Bonnie opened her eyes and saw the deep red curtains of the Boardinghouse's Master Bedroom were pulled back, revealing the soft white linen diffusing the morning light. This was Damon's room.
Bonnie shot up immediately feeling shaky. Her head was pounding and her mouth tasted syrupy and sweet. Acacia Honey?
She remembered this taste it had haunted her tongue for months in 2010. She touched her lips instinctively. The flavor had been shoved down her throat the evening of her grandmother's funeral.
The memories of last night came flooding back to her, every little detail. Damon's wrist against her mouth. Damon's mouth against her wrist. The feeling of complete and utter ecstasy jolted through her body, originating from her veins.
Oh, My Fucking Goddess!
Bonnie turned her face into the pillow, screamed, and flailed around like a child. She was due for a serious meltdown and she just did not care anymore.
Damon came running up the stairs and the first thing Bonnie did was throw a pillow at his face. It was an accident; she was throwing the pillows in his bed around like a child and it just happened to hit him.
Damon of course did not take it well and threw the pillow at her hitting her in the back of the head.
"What the fuck!" she shouted at him. Taking in his shirtless figure. Her mouth was watering as her eyes raked over his body. His muscles were plump and she could see the veins pulsating underneath. Aware that her mouth was open wide, she swallowed.
"What are you staring at," he said looking menacing not a hint of a smile. He just sauntered forward.
"What are you staring at?" she chirped terrified.
" You," he smiled wickedly," and wondering why it is you keep hitting me in the face."
" It was an accident I swear," he wasn't buying it.
Bonnie grabbed another pillow to protect herself," Stay back you creep or I'll throw another pillow at you.
"Oh I am so scared," he crooned and Bonnie felt his voice reverberate inside her. Goddamit!
There was no resisting him, there was no thinking clearly, and there was no room for negotiation.
Damon leaped onto the bed ripping the pillow from her. She fell back, with a squeak as Damon went in tickling her ribs. Her squeak turned into squeals into giggles.
"No, stop!" she begged.
" What have I told you about whining?" Damon growled as she tried to dodge his hands. Finally, she grabbed his wrists to stop him, kicking her legs to try and get up. It was futile, he pinned her down by simply pushing forward. Her arms were under his and the upper part of his body weight was on her chest suffocating her. She squirreled her legs from under him putting her feet on either hip, trying to do like she learned in the self-defense class Caroline's mom taught. She tried to push him away but his thighs were made of steel and wouldn't budge.
"Please move," she rasped and smiling he pulled his hands out of her grip and removed his weight only to pin her down again this time by her wrists. She tried again to push him away and when she couldn't she hit his butt with the back of her heels in frustration.
"Ouch," he cried," Be gentle with the good little bird."
"Get off me Damon," she shouted again.
" No, I'm punishing you."
"Why?"
"You know why," he whispered in her ear causing the fleshy mound of her cervix to tighten and then pucker. Involuntarily her back arched and her thighs tightened around his ribs pulling him down and into her. She was breathless once more and an uncontrollable burning started to simmer behind her eyes. A longing was coursing in her veins like lightning had kissed the dry forest inside of her.
He was hard so very fucking hard and warm. She could smell herself, she was losing her mind but fuck did it feel good to have him so close. She wanted to wrap her legs around him further to deliver his heated need into her very bare and very wet pussy.
Bonnie opened her eyes, Damon's were clouded with blood lust and his fangs were at full attention. Bonnie's eyebrows knit together, "Damon, don't!" she cried. Unclear on what she was begging for.
"Fuck!" he groaned before getting off her completely, leaving her cold and goose-pimply.
"I'm sorry fuck fuck fuck," he said pacing back and forth," I'm going to get gas."
Bonnie couldn't believe what just happened it was like they had no control.
"Damon," she whispered and he turned around instantly looking …well it wasn't hopeful but it wasn't that either.
Bonnie swallowed letting the silence sober her, he waited too visibly sweating under her silence," Don't forget a shirt and shoes."
Damon's eyes darkened once more and he grabbed a shirt from the dresser and slammed the door as he left.
"Fuck!" she sighed feeling exhausted and wired at the same time. Things were so much worse. If Damon hadn't pulled himself off of her who knows how things would have gone? The way she was feeling all pent up and on edge, she couldn't have resisted him.
That morning in a fit of delirious lust she had used his bathtub and soiled it with a near month's worth of longing. It felt good to ease the ache that had developed inside of her because of him. It had felt good until he had mistaken masturbating for drowning and entered the bathroom.
Bonnie finally pulled back from the cold shower, getting the relief she needed to think clearly. From the moment he had seen her naked until the thirteen days of hell they experienced afterward, Bonnie had been in a real state of hating herself and Damon. Now she could see how her denial of her attraction to him and desperation not to do anything about her longing had caused everything to spin out of control between them.
Bonnie turned the water too hot and began cleaning herself up. Sure things with Damon got heated for a moment with the whole accidental kiss thing and she had freaked out. But she had months to rationalize things.
Damon was attractive and he would always be attractive. They had chemistry in a weird wanting to get one up on each other way. And they were friends, as much as two people stuck together could be friends. As long as she didn't act on any impulses and managed the flirting, so it wasn't so sexual things would be okay.
Bonnie rinsed off the soap feeling much better after a shower and a quick meeting with her hand. She tried to grab a towel but she had forgotten it at the back door. For a moment she glanced at the mirror and caught a glimpse of her scar.
Bonnie looked away quickly trying to escape the dark memories attached to the scar. Just as she was wrapping a towel around her body, Damon knocked on her bathroom door.
Without hesitating Bonnie opened it, catching Damon just as he was about to shout something on the other side of the door.
"You knocked?"
Damon's eyes were open wide and his mouth was agape. Bonnie's eyebrows knit together at the sight of Damon floundering like a fish. Her eyebrows finally settled and a smirk grew on her face at the realization that Damon hadn't expected her to open the door.
Still somewhat dripping wet and wrapped in a towel that left little to the imagination, Bonnie could tell Damon was distracted. She didn't let herself bask in the knowledge of that for too long. Common sense dictated that it probably wasn't smart to have Damon speechless and flustered in front of her with only a towel on. So, she responded as she normally did toward him, offensively, it was the best defense after all.
"You knocked on my bathroom door and you are surprised I am naked?" the sass in her tone was playful but unmistakably dangerous.
Damon's eyebrows were knit together as he scrubbed a hand through his hair, " I uh came to give you this back."
Bonnie lifted an eyebrow surprised to see the cameo she had brought from the 1903 Prison World in his hands," Your family heirloom?"
"Yeah, it's not like I need it and well I figured if you liked it so much you could keep it?"
Bonnie had to admit something about the necklace was incredibly appealing to her. It was comforting and reminded her of Mrs. Cuddles and Damon.
"Thank you, Damon," her voice was gentle as her hand slipped into his to take the cameo. Slight electricity pulsated through their fingers before she took the cameo back.
Bonnie studied the broach admiring the craftsmanship," Is there anything else you needed Damon?"
For a while, they were silent as Bonnie admired the broach as Damon stared down at her. Bonnie was aware of his heavy gaze but she didn't dare look at him nor tell him to stop. She just waited for his answer.
" I was wondering.." Damon's voice broke the long silence causing Bonnie to look up briefly through her lashes. Quickly he looked away his cheeks were flushed," If you'd like to see a movie."
Bonnie stared back at him with a blank face. Damon was squinting as he tried to gage her blank expression. He looked sort of in pain and Bonnie wondered if maybe something was wrong. Until she noticed Damon's eyes shuffle quickly down to her chest then back up at her face not making eye contact. Bonnie let an easy smile claim her face as she sauntered forward toward Damon getting so close he had no choice but to stagger backward.
"Well, I could watch a movie with you.." She stepped closer causing Damon to reflexively take a step back an almost comical look of unease on his face," but I have a little problem."
"What's that?" he asked staring into her eyes only her eyes.
"I was getting dressed for bed but I can't seem to find any of my sleeping garments," she batted her eyelashes exaggeratedly and in response, his eyes lowered and his eyebrows and lips flattened to a straight line. Then as if he had never been flustered Damon's cocky smirk took hold of his face once again.
"By sleeping garments do you mean wearing an oversized shirt that leaves little to the imagination?" Damon wagged his eyebrows playfully and Bonnie couldn't help but giggle.
"Unfortunately, I left all my favorite oversized shirts back in 1994. You wouldn't happen to know where I can get another?"
"Luckily for you, all your favorite sleeping garments happen to be mine. I'll get you one little birdy."
"Cool thanks Damon, and by the way remember to knock before you come into my room. I would hate for you to ruin our "non-existent" friendship by you seeing me naked again."
Bonnie laughed but Damon, looked serious for a moment, "non-existent?"
Bonnie was surprised by his reaction," You promised me in '94 that weren't going to be friends outside the confines of the prison world. Did you forget?"
A brief moment of recognition seemed to hit him. Without saying much else he left, just murmuring that he would be back soon to deliver some clothes.
Out of the corner of his eye, Damon could see Bonnie tiptoe into the entertainment room. He had not exactly left her room in a cheery mood, so he understood her hesitation. It wasn't like he was upset, he had just forgotten to hide his feelings.
Bonnie's joke about them not being friends, had affected him. He knew they were still going to be friends but for a moment he doubted it. His emotion had been all over the place since he had been remembering his mom.
"You okay Damon?" Bonnie's voice chirped from the other side of the couch. With her feet tucked beneath her and his shirt tucked underneath her knees, she looked like she had pitched a tent under her head. Her cheeks were red and her eyes were innocently searching him for an answer. She looked adorable and his heart tightened and warmed.
Damon smiled feeling a dreamy peace wash over him," I'm fine little bird."
Bonnie looked concerned for a moment before asking him," You sure?"
"Yeah, I am sure," he sighed but Bonnie didn't seem to buy it. Suddenly she brought Mrs. Cuddles out from underneath her little t-shirt tent.
"Damiano…" Bonnie's voice was a high-pitched growl as she imitated the voice he used for Mrs. Cuddles. Damon could feel the veins on his temple pulsate in annoyance.
"You wouldn't lie to Mrs. Cuddles would you?"Bonnie shoved the bear near his face and Damon reflexively swatted the bear away.
"Ahh, how dare you swat Mrs. Cuddles?" Bonnie brought the bear to her breast caressing its hit ear," Can you believe him?"
Bonnie looked up at him with a fake look of anger, but her eyes were pulling him in again. Like an idiot, he wondered how he could get a genuine look of frustration out of her. He loved the way she would stare him down in anger, perhaps he was a masochist but he kind of wanted to feel her give him an aneurysm again. Damon looked away afraid his desire for her would be too obvious.
"Damon, are you sure nothing is bothering you?" Bonnie could tell there was something on Damon's mind. His brow was stuck in a hard line and his normal carefree smirk and nonchalant attitude were being stifled by a seriousness that haunted his eyes.
"Is it your mother?" Bonnie asked as she watched his jaw tighten as a slight snarl appeared on his face, causing his nostrils to flare in frustration. He looked at her with pure hatred in his eyes but it quickly vanished as soon as he recognized who he was looking at.
Bonnie felt her blood run cold for a second. It had been a minute since she had to deal with Damon's shifting moods. She knew it had nothing to do with her but the news of his mother finally hitting him. Although Damon could be fun to be around when he was upset sometimes his mood swings could be jarring. Bonnie decided she would let it go, but not without saying something.
"I'm just here to help Damon," she touched his arm trying to comfort him," I get hearing about your mother is hard but don't shoot the messenger."
"I wasn't…" he started to protest but she put a finger up to stop him.
"Then why give me a dirty look then?"
Damon rolled his eyes about to argue again but he caught a glimpse of Bonnie's raised eyebrow and shut his mouth. He seemed to realize quickly who he was dealing with.
Damon sighed taking a deep breath before looking him in the eyes, "Sorry, sorry."
Bonnie pinched his cheek tugging him back and forth," Don't do it again or else."
Damon rubbed his thoroughly harassed face feeling a lot lighter than before. Damon was in awe of how one minute he could be completely at ease with her and the next minute on edge. Then turned on beyond belief and finally completely terrified of her. Only to somehow feel such joy from being teased and demeaned like a child. The magic she had over him was as baffling as it was bewitching.
Damon took her hand resting on his arm., "Really Bonnie… I am sorry."
"I guess it's all catching up to me," he laid her palm against his and traced her fingers with his index finger. Bonnie didn't tug away but he could see her stiffen. However, he was enjoying the feeling of her soft hand in his too much to let her go.
"I just can't …," he gently circled the top of her ring finger," I am not sure what to do."
Bonnie shuddered and pulled her hand away from his touch," Well, you don't have to do anything now."
She could feel the spot Damon had circled pulsating with electricity. She knew better than to let him touch her that way but she hadn't been touched in months. And even before when she was alone with Kai, he hadn't touched her in any way that made her feel anything but disgust. She held back her rage and curled her hands under her chest and into her scarred side.
"True but I do know one thing," Damon was studying her his eyes flitting down to her chest and back up to her. She smiled reflexively, hoping he wouldn't ask her what she was hiding.
"And what is that?" she kept up her smile and tucked her shoulder under his arm. She was used to the warm May nights, so much so her skin was becoming itchy with goosebumps.
"We can't tell Stefan?" Bonnie was surprised to hear this. She was sure Stefan would be the first person he would tell.
"Why not ?"
"Just trust me," he took her chin in his hands before shaking it lightly. They were now so close he could feel her breath on his upper lip. Her body was molded against his and he felt a sensation he had been missing for the last few months. Contentment. His follicles were on edge as breathed on him, snuggling closer searching for warmth in his arms. He wanted to give it to her and in the past, he would have but now things were different.
He truly missed her and everything they had before in 1994 but that time was over. He needed to move on and despite his perception of Bonnie's mixed signals, she had been abundantly clear that she did not want anything more. Damon began leaning away removing his shoulder from around her body and crossing his arms in front of his chest. It was best not to make any more physical contact with her.
"So.." Bonnie asked picking up on Damon's sudden change of demeanor and pushing herself away before curling into a little ball.," Umm, what movie did you want to watch?"
Damon got up and grabbed the blanket sitting on the chesterfield ottoman by his favorite chair in the room. He covered her in the wool before taking his seat on the far end of the couch. He pretended not to see the small little frown that graced her lips.
"It's up to you. I have five of your favorite choices lined-up; Top Gun, Miss Congeniality, Clueless, Heathers, you were right a total classic, and last but not least The Bodyguard. But I swear to God, if you plan on watching the Bodyguard I will leave. Ninety times is one too many, Bon."
Damon finally dared to look back at Bonnie and could see her smiling at him with tears in the corner of her eyes, "How about you choose?"
Damon's eyebrows lifted in surprise. Bonnie was smiling despite looking desperate for a good cry. At first, he wondered for a second if his leaning away had caused her sudden shift in mood. Then he noticed the slight movement of her right hand underneath the blanket. He presumed it was rubbing the spot that she had been stabbed in, a reminder of '94.
Damon wanted to press her to tell him what happened but he knew Bonnie hated when people pried. Eventually, she would tell him, and he knew she knew that she could talk to him. They had learned to trust each other with their secrets and their feelings. When she was ready she would reveal herself to him, all he had to do was be patient.
"I thought you hated my movie suggestions?"
"I don't hate them, but you are always talking about films that I feel like I've seen them all. Plus…"
"Plus?"
"You always pick what I want in the end. This time I want you to choose so I know…" Bonnie stopped herself but Damon could sense what she meant.
"It's real," he whispered and Bonnie looked up at him searching his eyes before nodding her head.
Damon's heart broke for her because he understood the feeling. He was feeling the same, for months he had lived with her in his head. Damon imagined being alone the way she had been she might have let her mind fill in the gaps. In a way, he was sort of honored to be one of the people she had envisioned to fill her loneliest times.
"Okay fine we will do a different movie, one I haven't spoken about and one I know you haven't seen. I think that this will be your new favorite."
"Oh, I am excited," Bonnie hopped up and down in place," What's the movie?"
"The Princess Bride," Bonnie cocked her head in confusion.
"But I thought you hated that film?"
"What!? No! What gave you that idea?"
"It was on your list of movies we could not see, right up there with Groundhog's Day, Full-metal Jacket, and When Harry Met Sally."
"Those are all great films like this one. The reason I didn't want to see them is that unlike you I don't need to watch a movie a billion times to prove I like it. I have to find the right mood and tonight is a Princess Bride mood."
"How can you love a movie if you're rarely in the mood to watch it?"
"Once you watch this one you will get it."
They watched the movie in silence, and somewhere along the way, they inched closer together. As if like two magnets or two lost children their hands found each other. The sounds of rain and thunder and the flash of lightning danced along the walls of the boardinghouse but nothing could be heard over the sound of their laughter. Not even the loud crackle of the once dimly lit fireplace in Damon's favorite corner. It was as if they were the only two people in the world.
Finally, the movie ended and Bonnie squeezed Damon's hand, "Wow, it was really good and most definitely on my top-five list now. But I am pretty sure I am probably going to re-watch it pretty soon so, yeah."
"No don't you'll ruin it," Damon squeezed back rubbing his thumb against hers. His voice was pleading but his eyes were delighted. He loved hearing that she enjoyed a film he liked. Their tastes were very different in that regard and less so in music.
"No, I won't," she crooned lowly with a teasing smile.
"Yes, you will," he teased back matching her tone low and slow.
"Not," she enunciated. A flutter of air hit him as she spoke, causing a violent reaction in his nipples.
"Will," he growled deeply.
Once again they had somehow ended up in each other's space completely unprompted. Damon couldn't tell who had inched closer first. His mind was not focused on taking blame but instead on relieving an old ache. With her throat so close to him, he felt the unexpected urge to feed on her, not just to drink from her but to connect with her. He wanted to meld with her the way he had that night she allowed him to have her blood. That night had affected him in ways he couldn't explain, he only knew he needed to have her that way again. And yet there was that nagging awareness that he could have killed her.
After months of longing for her, he felt he deserved to sate those desires. Of course, he could be gentle with her, and last time it was only the shock of her taste that had caused him to bleed so much from her. Now he is slow and drags the experience out. He would allow her to writhe from his touch longer until she was desperate calling for more of that sweet release he had so easily provided her. How easy it had been to make her scream, baffled him. The most woman didn't feel that way at first, fear always took over. Not even a vampire could experience that level of pleasure from having a vampire's fangs in them and that was an inherently sensual experience.
And quite suddenly he heard a voice. His voice.
There you go objectifying her again, is she your friend or just a plaything?
Bonnie leaned in somehow getting entangled in the wave of lust just like he was. He considered for a moment allowing it to happen. But once again and more aggressively.
Gesù! Damiano sei un uomo o un mostro!
"Stop it," he whispered breaking the tension. He got up immediately trying to shake off the blood lust or whatever that had sucked him back to being a bloodthirsty vampire again.
"What?" Bonnie looked dazed and sweaty. Damon finally noticed the fire growing in the corner uncontrollably.
"Christ woman!" Damon shouted at the fire. Bonnie noticed and put it out immediately.
She looked visibly shaken and he noticed a light in her eyes started to dim as she wiped the sweat from her face. Damon wondered passively for a moment if she were in heat. But he knew that couldn't be it, witches being in the heat was a myth. There was no way Bonnie was in heat at least not a magical one.
A human one though most definitely. Nearly a year without touch without love would make anyone incredibly sensitive. Her scent was perfuming the air both magical and sexual. No wonder he was going crazy, she had dosed him with all her pheromones. Hardly, any vampire or person could resist her when she was giving off take-me energy.
"Damon.." Bonnie started to explain but Damon put a hand up to stop her.
"Just..." he sighed not knowing what to say. He was frustrated at the situation but mostly at himself for not recognizing it sooner. "I am going to bed."
"Damon, what's the matter are you mad at me?" Bonnie got up running toward him but he put a hand out to keep her distance.
"Bonnie… I can't…" be your friend…not want you… not ruin this… "I can't stay up late arguing."
Damon should have realized that all along those moments between them weren't special. They were just a smoke signal of Bonnie's human desire. Just like eating or taking a shit.
"Oh okay… night," Bonnie backed off and for a second he felt bad but it was for the best.
She wasn't in her right state of mind and neither was he, and if they ever wanted to actually be on speaking terms or even friends they needed to not be fucking or almost fucking. Damon stormed up the stairs not bothering to reply.
It was almost midnight and Damon had spent hours pretending to sleep. He kept tossing and turning, mulling over the situation he just left downstairs. Bonnie hadn't returned to her room right away it had been many hours later. He hadn't heard the TV turn on after he left so he worried she had just sat there in silence over thinking the situation.
Damon kept tossing and turning listening out for anything from Bonnie's room. I shouldn't have blamed her. It's not her fault. Damon's bare chest felt cold so he pulled the covers over his head. But his feet were too warm so he shifted his foot to the cold spot of the bed where Bonnie's icy toes would have been. But I can't keep playing this game. His body got cold all of a sudden and pulled his feet back in and turned to his side. It's not like I blamed her for my horniness to her face.
Staring out the window he could see the sliver of the moon. He thought of the months he had spent in the Prison World not seeing moonlight and he wondered of Bonnie was basking in the energy seeping through that tiny sliver of light or was she sulking because of earlier. Oh, come on its not like she lives to please you. She isn't going to cry cause I was a little stern. It's Bonnie.
Damon sighed closing his eyes not feeling the least bit tired. He rolled back on his back feeling his frustration rise to new levels. Still, Bonnie's room was silent, so silent he could barely hear her shallow breathing. I mean I left angrily and I didn't even say good night back. And it's Bonnie, she doesn't always know not to live to please people.
Damon thought back to that moment, and began chastising himself once more. Despite the fact that she was definitely hard to resist, it was still his job to resist. Controlling myself is my responsibility anyway.
Damon sighed putting a pillow over his head prepared to scream his heart out, when he heard a whimper coming from Bonnie's room. He shout out of bed quickly, prepared to run in but he stopped himself at his door.
Okay, don't get crazy. Just check up on her okay. Sharing the same bed is a bad idea. Plus we still don't know when Elena is coming home. So yeah. Just taking a look.
Damon slowly moved to Bonnie's room and worked on keeping his composure. When she opened the door he could see that Bonnie's eyes were very red. He wondered if maybe she had been holding her tears in so he couldn't hear her. It was so very like Bonnie to try to do things on her own. He wanted to console her but he knew she loved her space, especially when she was sad.
" Do you need me?" he spoke crisply but it felt like he was begging, even though his voice came out hard and stern. As if he wanted anything other than to be with her that night. As if he wasn't dying to sleep beside her again.
"Damon I don't think … Elena should be home."
"Do you need me?" he asked again his tone less harsh but still annoyed. He prayed she would say yes, but he was selfless enough to make her say no by being appearing heartless and rude.
"Damon, it's nothing please just…" Bonnie's voice cracked and Damon's intention to just check up on her was dead in the water. Bonnie was hiding something painful and he couldn't just abandon her with it.
"I heard you screaming, just talk to me," this time his voice betrayed him. His concern was thick in his throat. Bonnie seemed to pick up on this and started to look up. Choking back tears trying to appear okay.
"Was it a nightmare about the Prison world? About Kai?", he asked feeling the frenzy of concern taking over. He needed to help and be close to her. He needed to fix it.
"What's up with the twenty questions?" she mumbled.
"Did something happen?" he asked again hoping this time she actually tell him. Even though he knew better. Bonnie was stubborn and would come to him in her own time.
"Damon, don't get carried away okay? It's not that serious, and also not your problem. Kai he… ugh. It's not worth it okay," she sighed swallowing hard," I just forgot where I was for a second. Nothing to fix."
"Uccellino…" his begged audibly, speaking her nickname in Italian. He hoped it would get through to her that he wanted to help. Damon watched her wipe her eyes as she shook her head no. Yet still, the tears were falling.
Damon took a step forward and wiped her tears before pulling her closer by her chin, " I get that you don't need me but do you want me?"
He was so close to her and it seemed like any moment he would kiss her. Bonnie's eyebrows furrowed in response, sobering her up a bit.
"It depends," she spoke listlessly, not looking into his eyes.
"On what?" he asked studying her lips. Once again being swept into his desire to fix things the best way he knew how to.
"If you are coming to me as a friend?" Damon felt his heart flutter and his stomach grew light. Only a searing burn in his stomach kept him from floating away. He tried not to read into what she said.
"What do you mean?" he asked sounding serious but flustered.
"I am asking are you my friend Damon?" her face was unreadable.
Damon was sure the question had layers of subtext. Bonnie could be incredibly straightforward about everything, it's what he liked about her. However, he noticed that sometimes her questions held multiple purposes. Like him, she liked to speak of things from more than one direction. She was blunt yet, she never liked to waste the energy of asking a series of questions when one would suffice.
Are we friends?
Although she was asking the question seriously; she could also be asking him to stop trying to kiss her. She could be warning him that if he kept going they wouldn't be friends. Daring him to not be friends and to kiss her was also an option but less likely. Or even now, she could be asking if he entered her room and slept with her even platonically if things could remain copacetic for them. As a friend, she would have to warn him of that. It could mean all of them. He wondered what he should say, and decided on doing what he normally did with her. Tell the truth.
"I can't say," he sighed after mulling over the possibilities," I promised I wouldn't be when we returned."
Bonnie's face fell and her hand gripping the door tightened. It was almost as if she were preparing to shut the door in his face if he advanced. Damon took that as a cue for his follow-up and reaffirmation of what he already knew they would only be friends.
"But if we were somehow able to get over our astronomical differences and I completely ignored you being a pain in my ass, then maybe we could be," he smirked making sure she understood he meant no harm. That despite his initially open-ended answer he was willing to take her lead on whatever she chose.
Bonnie smirked, " Well if I managed to ever put aside the fact that you're a raging asshole that I have absolutely nothing in common with then, sure I'd like to try being friends."
"Too bad your still annoying."
"Too bad your still an asshole."
They laughed lightly and Bonnie's hand slid down the doorway to the knob. Her grip loosened as their tension eased but didn't dissipate.
"So uccellino, am I staying or going?" he asked needing to put this to bed so he could make peace with this decision one final time. So that could close the proverbial door on whatever flame had started to rage out of control in 1994.
"I need to sleep Damon," she smiled but it didn't reach her eyes," goodnight."
"Night," he whispered and she closed the door.
He held his breath for a minute before exhaling, in hopes that he wouldn't feel as hollow as the closing door sounded. However, when the last of his breath left his body all he could feel was the cold emptiness. It was not the longing of the last few months nor the raging fire of dissatisfaction. It was a deep cold nothingness. It should have been good, to feel the indifference but it just felt strange, as if the real feeling was hiding deep within him. As if the door closing had simply buried his true desire, so not even he could sense it anymore. Finally, the clock struck midnight and Damon made his way back to his room.