Shuyin

Yuna and I continue down the path to the Moonflow. My feelings are conflicted, knowing what I must do to save Lenne; yet feeling the incredible guilt of knowing I will need to kill Yuna. The thought causes Tidus' consciousness to spike in my mind. Not quite enough to take over, but just enough to throw me off my game. He was definitely strong-willed and hard to keep control over. I quickly came to notice he was stubborn, determined, and would not quit until he gains full control again. It seemed a constant struggle with him to maintain control. This made it incredibly difficult to stay in the moment with Yuna, to prevent causing her suspicion or concern.

We board the Shoopuf with the assistance of the Hypello, who inquired to us: "Ridez ze Shoopuf?". I can't help but laugh. These guys have not changed in 1000 years. The last time Lenne and her guardians (including myself) were here, we ran into a Hypello who had the same syntax style of this blue guy. I noted that they also look the same; as do the Shoopufs. It's amazing how the world has changed so much in 1000 years, and yet so little has changed at the same time. This was my main gripe against Spira: humanity's aggressive tendencies towards war. The evolution of humanity was…well…there was no evolution of humanity in this area. People still fought over the dumbest things and sacrificed their lives (and the lives of others) like it didn't mean anything at all.

I sigh and refocus on the environment around me. Yuna is looking to the sea with a smile on her face. "I hope the same thing doesn't happen again." She said.

I know I have a puzzled look on Tidus' face. I could not begin to guess what she was referring to.

"You know…hopefully I don't get kidnapped by the Al Bhed." Yuna laughs.

"Oh" I feign a chuckle. "Yeah, I would hope that does not happen again."

"You'd have to come swim down there and save me again." Yuna smiled and laughed. "Auron was so upset!" She continued to giggle.

Tidus' heart lights up at her laughter. Her countenance is so light-hearted, sweet, and cheerful. It honestly reminds me so much of Lenne, that my emotions cause Tidus' face to smile a genuine smile. I seem to be able to access some of Tidus' memories, for the first time since possessing his body. I get a clear vision of Yuna and her guardians from two years ago, riding on the Shoopuf after Wakka and Tidus saved her from her underwater capture. He heard Auron demand Yuna to sit back down after she stood up to apologize to everyone.

'Damn you, get out of my head'. Tidus warned.

I choose to ignore his warning. My focus returns to the lighthearted moment that was being shared between Yuna and myself/Tidus.

"I'm so happy to have you back. When the Fayth told me they would try their best to bring you back…" Yuna started. I could see tears forming in her eyes. "I was so happy."

"I'm happy to be back."

Yuna slides closer to Tidus and cuddles up with him. I feel his consciousness spike with a mixture of his heart jumping for love of Yuna, and anger rising that I would be the one cuddling his love.

We continue our ride across the river via the giant Shoopuf. When we reach the other side, I assist Yuna down from our ride and guide her towards the banks of the Moonflow. She looks over to Tidus with a smile, "We'll finally be able to see the moon lilies."

"Hm." I hear myself responding without saying much. Again, I'm unsure of what she is referring to in particular.

'And I'm not going to tell you.' Tidus states.

'I honestly wasn't expecting you to.'

"I know how disappointed you were two years ago." Yuna states. "We were in such a hurry to complete the pilgrimage."

Yuna begins to set up camp with the materials from our bags. I go to assist her, helping to set up a tent where we will be spending the night. I sure hope she doesn't expect us to…

'Watch it, asshole. Don't you dare lay a finger on her.' My host warns.

'Don't worry, I'm a one-woman man. Lenne saw to that. She changed me.' I reply. I smile internally thinking of Lenne. Her long brown hair, her beautiful brown doe-like eyes. Her incredibly melodic and sweet voice singing for me…I have to save her. I can't let her soul die.

"Gil for your thoughts?" Yuna asks.

"Oh, nothing." I reply. "Just excited to see the beautiful display." I point to the moon lilies to express my excitement.

We set up our blankets and place ourselves on them. Yuna turns to ask, "did you want to hear more about my adventure the last two years?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Well, after finding the sphere that I showed you, we began searching for more. I wanted to find any clues the led to you." Yuna started. "We did find more spheres, but they weren't actually you. They were Shuyin. And Vegnagun."

My stomach turns a little hearing her discuss this topic.

"I really hope they're doing okay…" Yuna said with a sigh.

"Who?" I ask.

Yuna giggles. "Shuyin and Vegnagun."

I must have flashed such a look of confusion on Tidus' face, because Yuna started bursting out laughing. "Silly, I meant Shuyin and Lenne."

I laugh a little, "Oh". Yeah, that was pretty dumb of me.

Yuna's laughter starts to calm. She reflects back on her journey. "I felt so much empathy for Lenne. And for Shuyin."

This piqued my interest. Empathy? For me? I get why she would feel that way for Lenne. But why me?

"Why for Shuyin?" I question. I look into her eyes, trying to discern her emotions. I almost felt like I could not bear for her to feel any empathy towards me… not if I am meant to kill her…

Yuna sighs. "Because we were separated for two years, and I felt so lost without you." Yuna gives a sad smile. "Shuyin was without Lenne for 1,000 years. And he was tortured by the pyreflies in that cave he was stuck in. I imagine it was like a personal hell he could not escape."

I feel tears begin to build in Tidus' eyes. My sadness is building within my psyche, which is pouring over into Tidus' emotions.

She continued, "I cannot entirely blame Shuyin for what happened. He was tortured to the point of his emotions acting on his own. I think anyone placed in his situation would have found themselves in the same mental state."

I feel the tears begin to flow. I try to hide Tidus' face from hers.

'How? How could she have sympathy for me after every harm I caused her…'

"I felt so sorry for Shuyin and what he went through. He really was not a bad person." I feel the guilt rising within me as a listen to Yuna.

"I did not want to fight him. Lenne just wanted to tell him how much she loved him. Because she did not have the chance to say it while they were alive. To be honest, I understand why." She paused before continuing. "I only said it to you at the very end, because to say it sooner meant risking giving up on the sacred duty we summoners undertake. We are allowed to love, but it's not really advised." She explained.

Yuna grabs a flower and spins it between her fingers, deep in thought. "So in that sense, I understood Lenne. But I also understood Shuyin, wanting so much to get my love back."

I cannot help but let out a sob. I know this causes Yuna concern. "Tidus?'

"I'm sorry." I state quickly as I jump up from my seat and head towards the woods of the Moonflow. I had to get away. I couldn't face her knowing I was meant to kill her.

'She has such empathy for me? Such understanding? I don't deserve it…not after what I did…and I especially don't deserve it considering what I am meant to do…'

"Tidus! Wait!" I hear Yuna from behind.

I begin to sprint through the woods, trying my best to keep my distance from her. I have no idea how long I have been running. But I reach a point in the woods that I know I have lost her. Through Tidus' body I fall to his knees. I begin to sob.

'Shuyin…please tell her. You heard her. She understands you. She will HELP YOU.'

'I CAN'T!' I scream internally. 'He'll kill her…'

And there it was. I finally stated it to Tidus. He remains quiet, knowing I meant Seymour would kill Lenne. I can feel him growing angry, but not towards me…

"Tidus!" Yuna comes running through the woods, finally finding me/us. "Tidus…what the heck?" She stops to catch her breath. "Why did you run like that?"

"Yuna…I…" I begin, getting ready to tell her the truth. Suddenly, we hear a scream coming from the main path linking Djose to the Moonflow to the west of us. We look at each other and wordlessly agree to go check out the source of the screaming. Telling her the truth can wait, I guess.