this is me trying
chapter one: breaking news
tatum
After a long fifteen hour travel from one side of the world to another, I finally find myself driving down a familiar street. My mind, on autopilot, leads my body to park in the driveway of the last house on the street. I turn the key, cutting the engine of the car. I hold my breath as I sit in my parked car outside of the dark house. In the moonlight, I peek out my car window to see the lawn has been manicured and not a weed in sight. It is just like Cade would have had it.
I breathe in a deep breath before I reach for the handle and open up the car door. I walk the familiar sidewalk to the front door, listening to the soft chirps of insects from the surrounding woods. I stop outside the front door and dig for the house key out of my purse.
My fingers grasp the key that I had tucked in the side pocket of my purse before I move to unlock the door. I freeze before I put the key in when I see a note taped to the door. I quickly pull it off the door, noticing that it is crinkled from being wet by the rain. I am surprised the words are still legible. 'We have been keeping up with the yard… We didn't want you to have to worry about it. Let us know if you need anything. -Sam Uley' I fold up the note and stick the key to unlock the door. I swing the door open and walk into the dark house, reaching for the light switch on the wall.
My throat tightens as the light illuminates the foyer. It is just like I was last here five years ago. I shuffle into the house, closing the door behind me. I walk into the kitchen slowly, stuck in some kind of daze. I flip on another set of lights before tears well up in my eyes.
I drop my purse and the crinkled note onto the counter, noticing a tiny cloud of dust fly off. My fingers reach down and dance over the dusty surface of the countertops, allowing the dust to collect on my fingertips. I gently brush the dust off my fingertips onto the floor before I continue my journey into the living room. My movement stops abruptly in the middle of the living room. My eyes come in contact with the empty chair positioned in the corner, facing the oversized TV. My knees buckle before I finally give in and sink to the floor of the living room.
He should be there.
I choke on sobs, covering my face with my hands. For the first time in three years, I have finally stopped moving. No more country hopping. No more foreign languages. No more unfamiliar foods. No more traveling. I am back in my hometown. In my big brother's house. And it finally hits me.
He is gone. My older brother is really dead.
I remember the day that my mom called me like it was yesterday. I had just gotten out of my class at the University of Washington when my phone started ringing. I could barely understand her through the sobs. "Cade's gone." Mom had cried out to me, her voice sounding so broken. I had questioned her and asked what she meant by that. My heart was racing. I thought maybe Cade had left La Push, went somewhere else for a while. He needed a break from his girlfriend. But when my mom clarified that Cade was dead, my whole world stopped spinning.
Cade was everything a person could ask for in an older brother. He was never mean to my sisters and I. He never so much as teased or played cruel pranks on us. When we were little, he let us dress him up in silly princess costumes with makeup on his face. He fought the bullies away in middle school. He was my shoulder to cry on when my first boyfriend broke up with me. He cheered the loudest when my sisters and I walked across the stage at our high school graduation. He helped move me into my dorm at the University of Washington with my parents. He was there for every moment.
My mom said that Cade always held a special place in his heart for my two triplet sisters and I. Cade took turns holding each one of us when my parents bought us home from the adoption center. My mom said he would sing to us and rub our heads when we cry or fuss.
Cade was the glue of our family.
And now he is just gone.
I cry all of my tears out as I think about Cade and the wonderful memories we had together. Once I have no more tears to cry, I lay down on my back staring up at the ceiling as I just let myself think.
It feels like hours that I just lay on the carpeted floors of Cade's living room. I am totally immersed in the world of my thoughts.
The sun eventually begins to shine in through the windows of the living room. I take that as my cue to get up from my spot on the ground to see if there is any coffee in the kitchen. I scavenge the cabinets in the kitchen to find there is not a whole lot of anything, let alone coffee. I guess that was to be expected since no one has lived here in three years.
Well, first things first, I will need to make a run into town to grab a cup of coffee. I take a glance around the dusty kitchen and add clean the house to my second thing on my mentally-made to-do list.
I run out to my car to grab the oversized backpack out of the trunk of my car and lug it into the house. I throw most of the clothes into the washing machine and dress into a clean pair of leggings paired with an oversized sweater. I comb my fingers through my knotted blonde hair before digging out my toothbrush from the backpack.
After brushing my teeth and grabbing my keys, I am out the door towards my car. As soon as I start my car up, my phone begins ringing in my lap.
"Hello?" I answer after checking the caller I.D. to see it's my mom.
"Tatum, honey, did I wake you up?" Her soothing voice asks. I notice the worried tone that she always seemed to have in her voice. My mom is a great mom. And at the age of 48, she still looks like a model. I still find it hard to believe that my sisters and I had lucked out by getting adopted by such an amazing family. My sisters and I were adopted at two months old after my mom and dad had fertility problems for years. So my sisters and I, although we don't know of any other life without our family, know that they have given us the best life.
"No, mom. I'm actually heading into Forks to grab some coffee to get me started. Maybe I will swing by and pick up some groceries." I answer as I begin backing up my car out of the driveway.
I hear my mom hum in response. "Forks? You could have stopped in Mary's place. I'm sure it's open. I'm sure she would love to see you." And this is exactly the reason I decided to go to Forks and not anywhere in La Push. But I am not going to tell my mom that. I didn't want to run into anyone. I didn't want to talk and catch up like I know people will do. I am not ready for that yet.
"There's not a big grocery store in La Push, ma." I say, balancing the phone between my shoulder and my ear and focusing on driving. "Trying to kill two birds with one stone."
"I understand." My mom says, sighing. It is quiet between the two of us for a moment. There are so many questions lingering between the two of us. Questions that neither one of us is going to ask. "Your father and I are going to be home all day." She breaks the silence. "We would love to see you, you know? I think we are having some people over for dinner tomorrow night, too. You remember the Blacks and the Clearwaters, right? I'm sure they would love to see you."
I roll my eyes. Of course, I remember the Blacks and the Clearwaters. I had grown up with them my whole life. Just because I have been gone for five years doesn't mean that I had suddenly forgotten everyone here in La Push. It isn't like La Push is that big of a town to begin with.
"I'm not sure, ma." I admit. "I have a lot to do with the house and laundry…" I trail off, hoping that will be sufficient enough to keep her from bugging me. "And my brain is still working on European time." I add.
"I know, I know. I thought I would offer though." She says breathlessly. "I think your sisters are coming into town tomorrow for dinner as well. I think Taylor is bringing Matt and Tessa is bringing her new boyfriend. I figured we could catch up. Your sisters miss you." Again, I roll my eyes. I haven't seen my sister in forever and I am fine to go a little longer without seeing them.
I don't respond to my mother's comment as I focus on the road in front of me. I really didn't have anything to say in return.
"Did you hear me, Tatum?" My mom questions.
I sigh. "Yeah. I'm just trying to focus on driving." I lied, knowing that I could talk and drive at the same time easily. I am just a little too jet lagged and coffee deprived for this right now.
"Okay, sweetheart. Well I will let you drive. Please try to call me later when you get a chance. And remember the dinner tomorrow night if you feel up to it. No pressure, hun, but we would all love to see you." My mom rambles. I hum softly in acknowledgement. "Be safe. Love you."
"Love you." I say before hanging up the phone before my mom could add anything else.
It takes me another ten minutes before I pull into a small coffee shop in Forks. When I step out of the car, I cannot help but nervously glance around the area looking for someone I could possibly know. I walk into the shop and order my coffee without any incident of running into anyone I know. With a coffee in my hand, I take off toward the grocery store. I wander the aisles of the grocery store sipping on my coffee.
I had almost made it all the way through the store when I heard my name called out as I searched for a short check out line. "Tatum!" The voice calls loudly. I lower my head in an attempt to avoid the calling. Maybe if I don't answer, they will think they were calling to the wrong person. I feel a hand grab my elbow softly causing me to jump. So much for hoping they would avoid me. "Tatum, sweetheart, it has been way too long." I am pulled into familiar arms and overwhelmed with a familiar scent. The smell of lavender and roses.
"Sue, it's so good to see you." I say into her shoulder that I had been pulled into. "How are you?"
Out of all the people I could have ran into, I am glad that it is Sue and not anyone else. Sue Clearwater is like a second mom to me. I pretty much grew up at her house, playing in the woods in her backyard with her two kids.
"Oh, sweetheart, I am doing fine." She pulls from the embrace and cradles my face in her hands. "You just look darling, Tatum. Are you a model now or something?"
I can't help but giggle. "No, no model." Just a college drop out, I almost add.
"Your mom told me you were coming back to town. I didn't realize it was anytime soon. I heard that you have been quite the world traveller." She says with a soft smile on her aged face.
I smile back at her, unable to stop myself. "Yes, about forty-seven countries in three years." I comment. The word forty-seven sounds crazy when it slips through my lips.
"Wow, I can't wait to hear all about your traveling adventure. You are coming to dinner tomorrow at your parents' house, right? Leah and Seth are going to be so excited to see you. And Jacob and his fiancee are coming too. You will get to meet Nessie." Sue continues happily rambling.
"I am going to try and make it to dinner tomorrow. I am still a little jet lagged." I try to make excuses so she wouldn't be devastated when I didn't show.
"Oh, darling, I really hope you can make it. We all have missed you terribly." She says pulling me in for another hug. Hearing her say this makes me feel a little guilty. It has been five years since I have stepped foot near La Push. And probably a lot longer than five years since I have seen the Clearwaters.
I make another false promise of trying to make it to dinner before Sue and I say our goodbyes. I hop into one of the check out lines, pushing my shopping cart along with me.
I pay for my food and load up my car with my groceries without running into anyone else. The drive back to Cade's house is simple although it begins to sprinkle. But thankfully, the rain stops when I pull into the driveway and begin to unload my car.
I move throughout the kitchen, putting away the various foods I bought before I make myself a bowl of cereal. I settle on the couch with my cereal in hand and eat in the dreary silence. I wonder if anyone else from my family has been to Cade's house in the three years since he has passed. Had either of my sisters come? Maybe my mom? Or has it been too hard?
I finish up my cereal as I let the thoughts of my family flow through my brain. I hear the doorbell ring as I move to the kitchen to dump out the remaining milk.
I let out a sigh as I set the bowl in the sink and headed toward the front door. I pause for a moment behind the door debating on whether I should really open the door. I twist the door handle and immediately see two very large men.
My eyes take in the appearance of the two men. Both are wearing cut off jean shorts and are shirtless even though it's 40 degrees outside. Both with the familiar Quileute russet skin and cropped black hair. And matching black tribal tattoos on their upper right arm. "Hi, Tatum." Sam's deep voice greets me, causing me to pull my eyes from their muscular arms. "We were just stopping by to see how you were settling in."
"Your father told us you made it back safely last night." Jacob, who looks way older than I had last seen him, steps forward, holding out his hand. "He wanted us to drop this off for you."
I glance down at the medicine bottle resting in his oversized hand. I quickly snatch it from his hand as I remain in the doorway. "Thank you." I say with a smile adorning my lips. "And I am settling pretty good. Thank you for taking care of the yard. It looks amazing." I pause for a moment as my throat tightens. "Just how Cade would have done it."
"It's the least we could do." Sam answers, looking to the yard for a moment. I wonder if he too thought about Cade often. Sam Uley and my older brother have been best friends for many, many years. At many points in Cade's life, they were inseparable. "You aren't having any problems with anything in the house?" He asks, snapping me from my wandering thoughts.
"No, everything seems to be working fine." I answer. "I would offer you both a cup of coffee but I just got in last night. I haven't had much time to clean up the house." I admit.
Jacob flashes me a smile. It freaks me out a bit. His smile is so familiar, yet he is so grown up. He is so much bigger and older since I had last seen him. "Don't worry about it, Tatum. We can catch up another time. You're coming to dinner at your parents' place, right?"
Oh no, not Jacob too. "Um, I'm hoping to." I lie smoothly, still smiling. "I'm still suffering from a bit of jet lag." I say with a soft laugh. Gee, this is like the fourth person I've had to lie to today.
"We will catch up sometime soon, though." Sam insists. "There is always some kind of gathering going on in La Push. We can't seem to stay away from each other." So true, unfortunately. "We will leave you to continue settling in. Don't be afraid to holler if you need something."
"Okay, thank you guys again." I say with a wave.
"Bye Tatum." Jacob calls out before I shut the front door.
Once the door is shut, I let out a sigh. I suppose news still travels quickly in a small town like La Push. And my arrival is most likely the breaking news amongst the town. Who knew even after being gone for five years people still cared about what I am doing?
I let the thoughts of being the talk of La Push wash away as I begin busying myself in my second task on my to-do list: cleaning. And wow, does the house need to be cleaned.