Disclaimer: All recognisable characters are the property of MGM/Amazon. No copyright infringement intended. I am simply taking my favourite two Gaters for a walk in an Alternate Universe.
Rating: Still T...
Episode Tags: Takes place in Season 7 after 7.16 Death Knell.
TRIGGERS: Nothing specific
A/N: If you or anyone you know suffers from the Black Dog, encourage them to seek help. Ask them R U OK? I have no beta, so all mistakes are my own.
Chapter 14: Farewell
Wednesday 18th February 2004
"I've never seen a man so lost, George." I said, watching Jack O'Neill stand apart from the shrinking crowd after the ceremony, the cold sleety rain drenching his Class A uniform. I had decided to don my dress blues one last time to honour my daughter on her way to her final resting place. The Presidents offer made the decision to intern her at Crystal Valley an easy one, rather than wait the exhausting six months or more it was likely to take to schedule her at Arlington. It was the same place as Jack's son, though I didn't dare tell him that was part of the reason why we choose this place. I looked over to the man that had made my daughter happier than she had been in decades. Not since her mother had been alive, did I see her smile the way she smiled for that man – her soulmate, her Colonel, her commanding officer.
"I don't know what to do with him Jacob. It like he has lost his will to live." George replied. "I put him back into the field after a week, hoping that that was what he needed." I nodded in agreement; I would have done the same thing had he been in my command, and had I not known the impact my daughter's death would have on him. "He shot a Jaffa in the back and zatted four others dead after they surrendered, just because they served Anubis. Even Teal'c was shocked by his behaviour." George sighed. "It was all I could do to stop the court-martial for war crimes." I nodded, purposefully not confiding that Daniel had informed me of the standoff and kill request.
"He wants to retire George; he has for years. He is clearly a liability, perhaps you should finally let him go." I replied. Sammy had written me a letter about her communications with an alternate reality Samantha. She had requested that I push Jack to go to her, without letting him know that was what I was doing. I wasn't so sure, but if my Sammy wanted me to do it, then I would try, for her sake. I was yet to meet any alternate reality people, let alone an alternate Sammy. My Sammy had told me that Samantha lost her father to cancer. I… he had not had the benefit of the Tok'ra and had succumbed to his illness. Was it wrong for me to want to see this Samantha, just to see my girl, any version of my girl again. To comfort her. She had lost everyone – her mother, her father, her Jack – she was truly alone save for her late husband's best friend, a man called Charles Kawalsky, and her own version of George. Almost too late, I realised that he was talking again, I missed the first part but had an idea who he was talking about.
"…won't let him retire, his Ancient gene alone makes him too valuable a resource, not to mention his years of experience and level of clearance. They want to maintain control over the man, but I can't tell him any of that."
"Are you telling me that they are manipulating him?" I was growing angry now, I had heard of Stop Loss orders, but they were rarely used these days. "That he will be beholden to the Air Force until he dies or is no longer useful?" George sighed audibly and looked away but did not answer. "Dammit George! He has a right to know! He held his feelings for Sam in check thinking that they would have a one day, but that day would never have come, would it?" I stared my best friend down. George just nodded. I cursed under my breath. "You have to tell him!"
"What would that accomplish Jacob? He would only go AWOL and then they'd send the MP's after him. You know they would."
"Why didn't you encourage them to be discrete? At least they could have had some measure of happiness together?"
"You know why I couldn't? It's not like I didn't turn a blind eye, I should have split them up after the first few months. I saw the comradery blossom into feelings after the first few missions. Even if they weren't aware of it themselves." He replied defensively.
I watched as Cassandra – now a beautiful young woman – walked over to Jack, extending her umbrella arm to shield him from the rain. They spoke briefly until he folded her in his embrace. Even from this distance, I could see her shoulders shaking. Jack rubbed her back and buried his face in her hair. They stayed like that for a few minutes. When Cassandra drew back, I could see the shine of moisture on Jack's face, below his dark sunglasses. He had stepped up to be that young woman's father when she had lost everyone. I decided it was time to talk to him. I had something for him, something Sam asked me to do a few years ago. I thought I would have to action it when Sam experienced complications from the ice-cold water after they nearly drowned in the Ha'tak together. I remember Jack being beside himself and that was before they had taken that final step toward something more than colleagues. The envelope currently burning a hole in my pocket stayed in my document safe under Sam's floorboards. Until today.
I hated funerals. I had attended far too many in my 50 plus years of life. The split between my loved one's and other people I had known weighed heavily on the loved one's side of the scale. I stood observing the crowd as it disappeared. Mark and his wife and kids talking amongst themselves, looking decidedly uncomfortable in the sea of blue, Cassie, Janet, and Daniel comforting each other, Teal'c standing guard over Sam's plot. Jacob and Hammond chatting about me. I knew they were because both kept throwing glances in my direction. I watched as Jacob's temper grew and wondered what on Earth Hammond had said to anger the man. I didn't care, it wasn't any of my business in any case.
I managed to remain stoic and tear free for the whole day, even as the haunting sound of Taps played out while her flag was folded. As her Commanding Officer, it was my duty to accept the flag from the bearers and pass it to her family. Mark had accepted her flag from me without ever knowing how much such as action was killing me inside. It felt like I was giving her rested soul away when all I wanted was to go with her. It wasn't until Cassie had come to see me just moments ago that the flood gates had opened. I found myself looking at the freshly dug earth of Sam's final resting place. Who would they give my flag to I wondered? There was space beside her, and I found my thoughts heading back down that dangerous path where I imagined myself joining her. I shook my head. No. I promised her. Not promised in person, because she was already gone when I made that promise. Promised in spirit. I wasn't a religious man, neither had Sam subscribed to any of that, yet I found myself believing that she was watching me and that she would be disappointed if I followed her too soon. The images my brain assailed me with were still an ever-present nightmare – mostly at night, but with the help of Janet's sedatives, I had been at least sleeping a little. Tonight would be the test. My first night at home in days. Slipping one hand into my pocket, I ran my fingers over her dog tags to help push them away. I felt the prickles behind my eyelids again, but I forced them away just in time to see Jacob walking toward me. Great!
"Jack." Jacob greeted with a nod.
"Sir." I said, standing to attention and saluting.
"Now, now, none of that Jack. I'm only in this to honour Sam." He gestured to his monkey suit.
"Appearances Sir, they don't know you're more than General Carter." I replied, motioning with my hand to my brothers and sisters in blue, particularly the ones who were not part of the Stargate Program.
"True." He tried to smile, but his face was a cross between sorrow, admiration, and something else… if I was a betting man, I would say discomfort. I watched his hand dip into his pocket.
"Jack, Sam made me promise her something. As you know, I am the executor of her estate." He paused, looking at me.
"Yes, and?" I encouraged him, I didn't know what she could possibly have made him promise.
"Well, she's asked for everything to be sold and the money to go into a trust for any future children."
"Jacob, she doesn't have any children."
"Let me finish Jack." He said, "As I was saying, any future children of either herself or Colonel Jonathan O'Neill." He finished.
"I don't have any children either Jacob."
"Not yet."
"No, not 'not yet'… no, as in no!" I nearly yelled.
"Jack!" He admonished. "After Nirrti, Sam had some of her ovum frozen." He continued, drawing something from his pocket. "She signed ownership to you upon her death." He finished, handing me the pre-printed Shady Grove Fertility Clinic envelope. I took it with shaking hands and withdrew the neatly folded paper inside. I read it slowly, and then I read it again.
"What am I supposed to do with this Jacob? I don't exactly have the required equipment."
"No, but there is such a thing as a gestational carrier."
I laughed mirthlessly, "Sorry Jacob, if I can't have children with Sam the old-fashioned way, then forgive me, but I'm not interested." I said, trying to hand it back to him.
"They are yours Jack, to do with as you please. I'm just letting you know that there are options if you really want a part of Sam to continue." He replied.
"Jacob, it's not that easy. It's not like I know anyone who would carry a child they hadn't made themselves just because I wanted a piece of my dead lover to survive." I said bluntly.
"What about Samantha?" He asked. The first emotion I felt was shock followed by bewilderment and finally anger.
Returning my countenance to its base emotionless state, I responded, "You want me to 'hook up' with another Sam and ask her to carry my Sam's child?" I focused on not raising my voice to the 2-star General and father of the woman we just buried. "Even if I wanted to pursue such a fool's errand, it's highly unlikely another Sam would do such a thing."
"Even a Sam who loved her version of you enough to marry you, then lost you?" He asked.
"Even more unlikely." I replied.
"I think you are wrong Jack, just think about it." He said, then turned and left me standing there, alone with my thoughts again and missing Sam even more now that I knew she had made provisions for children, that children had even been a consideration for her. That she wanted me to be the father of those children. I slipped the paper back into its envelope and pocketed it.
"I'll do it, Uncle Jack." I turned to find Cassie standing less than 2 metres away.
"No, Cassie. You can't." I shook my head. "You have your own life, besides, I can't… it's wrong."
"Uncle Jack, there is a procedure. It's not like there would be anything old-fashioned about it. Trust me on that. But it is possible, and I will carry it for you, for her." She finished. I smiled grimly.
"Thanks Cassie, but no." I said firmly. She frowned but didn't press me further. "This place isn't that lively, so I'm going to go I think."
"Uncle Jack… that is a terrible joke!" Cassie said with an arch brow. "But at least you're making them again. I've missed your wise arse comments." She smiled. I smiled back, but I didn't feel anything even remotely like happiness. I needed a drink, or five. I waved and made my way to my truck, not bothering to farewell anyone else. I climbed in and gave Cassie one last look before driving away.