I found Adam without too much difficulty. He was setting his horse, looking out toward a group of cattle, about twenty or so.

I rode up, and came to a halt beside him.

"Hey," I said, in greeting.

"Hey."

"They all looking good?" I asked, nodding towards the grazing cattle.

"Looks like it," Adam said.

I nodded, shifting slightly, and we sat in quiet for a couple of moments.

"How are things at the house?" he asked me.

"Okay. Hannah's got things under control."

"Good."

"Well, mostly," I added.

At that, Adam had a hint of a faint smile, as if he knew exactly what I was saying but not saying.

"Well, mostly is better than not at all," he said.

"Yeah," I said, in agreement.

Then, I added, "It seems like Jill never stops surprising."

After a small pause, Adam said, "That's true enough."

I sighed. "It's tiresome, though, isn't it?"

Instead of agreeing with me that it was, sure enough, tiresome, or annoying, or stressful, or any of those things, Adam studied me,

looking regretful.

"I know it's been tough on you and Guthrie," he said.

"It has," I admitted. "But it's been tough on everybody. I meant for you, too."

"I don't want you worrying about me," Adam said.

"I do, though," I said. "I don't just think about myself."

I didn't realize how abrupt that sounded. Nearly rude. Until after I'd said it.

I hastened to say, "I mean, I do think about you-and Hannah, and everybody else-"

"I know you do," he said, sort of quietly. "I never would have thought anything else."

I met his gaze, and he said, "Harlie, this is one of those times in our family that we have to stand by each other, and

try to work thru things so that it ends in the best way for everybody."

"I know," I said.

He nodded, and was quiet again.

"I talked to Ford a while ago," I told him.

Immediately, Adam looked lighter. "How is he?"

"He's good. He'd been playing hand ball with his friends."

"I'm glad he's takin' some time for fun," Adam said.

"Me, too." I paused, and then said, "He said I could go up and see him this weekend."

"He did, huh?"

"If you say I can," I tacked on.

"He ask you, or you ask him?"

No lying. That's what he'd told me. Big or small.

"I asked him," I admitted.

"Ford's not capable of tellin' you no."

"He is!" I denied.

Adam gave me sort of a 'no way' look.

"He wants me to come," I defended, changing my tactic. "I could tell."

"I'm sure he'd be glad to see you," Adam said. "I'm not arguing with that."

Into the next quiet, I said, "Please, Adam."

"He's about due to be comin' home," Adam began.

"Yes, but-" I hesitated. He, and Brian, also, had told me after the Tennessee debacle that I should tell them if I was feeling stifled. Or upset.

All I said, though, was, again, "Please let me, Adam."

Adam must have heard something in my tone. That, or he just knew me inside and out.

"Where would you sleep?" he asked me. "It sure can't be in Ford's dorm room with his roommates in there, too."

He was considering it! I wished I'd delved into the details further with Ford.

"Maybe Guthrie would want to go, too," I suggested. "We could get a hotel room near the college. I have a little money saved I can

pay for it with."

"I don't like the idea of the two of you alone in a hotel room," Adam said.

I thought about reminding him that he'd only been a couple years older than Guthrie when he became responsible for a whole

passel of younger siblings. But, I knew that it wouldn't help, and would likely make him mad. Mad enough that he would nix the whole

idea of me going to see Ford.

"Maybe Ford could stay there with us," I said.

Adam looked as though he was thinking, but he didn't say anything right off. He turned his horse and began riding and I

did, too.

"I'll call Ford after supper," he said.

That meant, I knew, that he was going to let me go. As long as Ford agreed to whatever stipulations he gave. And I knew that Ford

would do that.

"Okay. Thank you," I said, happily.

7

Guthrie took me aside later that afternoon. We huddled on the back porch, and I looked at him, in question.

"What?" I asked. I had my mind on some macaroni and cheese.

"How come you wanna go to see Ford?" he asked, in a low tone.

I gave him an irritated look. "Huh? What are you talking about?"

"Why right now?" Guthrie demanded.

"Because-I miss him, and to get out of the craziness around here," I said. "Come on, it'll be fun."

Guthrie was shaking his head a little and I said, "Don't you wanna go? There's probably lots of cute girls up there. I won't tell

Kristen about it as long as you just look-"

Guthrie waved away my teasing. "Sure, I'd like to go up there. But, I don't think it ought to be right now. I think we oughta stick

around to home."

I wrinkled my forehead at him, and he said, still low, but impatiently, "Those two goons! We don't know what's happening yet

with them. They might be coming 'round causing trouble. I might be needed."

It came to me that Guthrie had a point. A good one. What had I been thinking? I'd told Adam that I thought of him and everyone else, but

I hadn't been acting as though I did. I had only been thinking about myself and what I wanted.

So, I agreed with Guthrie. But, still, I had to call him out on one thing.

"You might be needed?" I asked, pointing a finger at him. "What am I? A worthless appendage?"

"Har, come on," Guthrie said, in a loud whisper.

"Oh, okay, I'm just joking," I said, in an equally loud whisper. "You're right."

"I know I am."

"Don't get cocky," I said. "Okay, I'll tell Adam we changed our minds."

We whispered a bit more about what we worried might happen with Leo and Chess, until we were startled by Hannah, who

said, "What are you two whispering about out here?" She was smiling at us.

7

"Just talkin', Hannah," Guthrie said, stepping around me, and going to give Hannah a smile.

"Oh. Well, I think it's good that the two of you are going to see Ford next weekend," Hannah said, looking glad. "I'll try to get some

baking done so you'll have extra snacks for the trip, and for Ford to have some, too."

"I'm all for you doin' some baking," Guthrie told her. "But not for next weekend."

Hannah wrinkled her brow as she took us both in. "You're not going?" she asked Guthrie.

"No."

"Well-" Hannah hesitated, now looking at me, as if she expected me to be upset. "Harlie, I don't think you should go alone."

"I'd be fine to go alone," I felt compelled to say. "But, I'm not going to go, either."

"Why?" she asked, obviously surprised.

"Probably Ford will just come home for the weekend, instead," I said.

Still confused, Hannah said, "That would be wonderful. But-I thought, from what Adam said, that you were all set to go. Looking forward

to it, and all."

"I was," I admitted. "But it's selfish to go right now."

"How is it selfish?" Hannah asked.

I heard Guthrie sigh. He probably wished that I had just let him do all the talking.

"Who's bein' selfish?" Adam said, choosing that moment to come into the kitchen, carrying an empty cup.

Guthrie sighed again. "We just decided not to go up to Ford's next weekend," he said, taking over the talking.

"Oh," Adam said, and now it was he who looked perplexed. He refilled his coffee cup, and then leaned against the counter, facing

us. "Why is that?"

I kept quiet, letting Guthrie talk.

"There's a lot goin' on around here," Guthrie said, simply.

Adam raised a brow. "Yeah, there is. What's that got to do with you two takin' a trip up to see Ford?"

"I think we ought to be here," Guthrie said.

I saw the understanding dawn on Adam's face, as he got Guthrie's meaning.

"That's no reason you two shouldn't get away and have some fun," Adam said, and Hannah nodded vigorously.

"That's what I think, too," she said, in agreement. "You wanted to go, Harlie, and I'm sure Ford's looking forward to it, too."

"I've changed my mind about going, though," I said.

"That so?" Adam asked, giving me a skeptical look.

"Yes."

Adam got quiet, but he didn't look altogether approving, and Guthrie said, a little impatiently, "You're not gonna say we have to go, are ya?"

"Of course not," Adam said.

"Good, cause that would be crazy," Guthrie said. "And there's enough crazy around here as it is. There's so much we could scoop it up and sell

it at the mall."

"Guthrie," Hannah said, in a somewhat reproving tone.

"It's the truth, isn't it?" Guthrie insisted.

"Keep your voice down," Adam ordered.

Guthrie gave a look towards the door leading to the living room, as if he expected to see Daniel or Jill appear.

"Ok. Sorry," he said, in a softer tone. I knew he'd never have wanted Daniel to hear him talk that way.

Hannah went back to her task of slicing tomatoes. "We're doing the best we can, Guthrie."

Now Guthrie looked utterly chagrined. "I know that, Hannah! I don't mean it towards you, or Adam, or Brian or-well, you know."

"It's alright, Guth," Hannah said, reaching out a hand to pat his cheek. "I understand."

We all four were silent for a long few moments, and then Adam said, "Well, this is a somber group. Let's help Hannah get

supper on the table, kids, alright?"

I moved to wash my hands, and then to take plates down from the cabinet, as Guthrie scooted chairs back into place around the table.

"All the crazy you're talkin' about," Adam said, eyeing both Guthrie and I. "None of that is for either of you to take on." He looked

serious again, and was talking low. "I know you can't help but worry some, but it's not your responsibility."

Both Guthrie and I had stopped our tasks to look at Adam.

"There's no reason you can't go to see Ford," Adam said. "There's nothing selfish about it."

I looked at Guthrie, but I could tell he was settling in for stubborn. "I'm not goin', Adam. Not next weekend, anyway," Guthrie said.

Adam paused a moment, and then said, "Alright."

7

Supper was good. Hannah had made fried potatoes, and Clare tossed a large salad together with tomatoes and bacon bits, and there were

slices of ham. And, the mac and cheese I'd been looking forward to. Evan and Nancy didn't stay. They went home to the cabin.

I figured they were ready to be alone and away from the commotion that seemed to surround our house. The telephone did ring, just as we were all finishing, and pushing up our chairs to the

table. Everybody was still tense, you could tell, because worried looks were exchanged, and I knew everybody thought it might be to do with

Chess or Leo.

And, it was...a sheriff's deputy calling. Saying that they had found, using the description of the pickup truck, Leo and Chess at the WorldMark Angels Camp

motel. They'd 'visited' with them, asked them their business in the area, said they were following up a complaint about harassment, all of that.

Crane took the call, answering the telephone, which was probably the best, I thought. He relayed that the deputy said they hadn't gotten

much information out of the two, but had advised them to leave Jill alone, and not cause any trouble.

Crane also stated that the McFaddens were warned, as well, to not approach or instigate anything further with the two.

As Crane relayed all of that, Jill's face was white and strained looking. She wrung her hands together, and said, "They shouldn't have

used the word 'harassment'. That's going to make Leo mad-"

"Who gives a damn if it makes Leo mad?" Brian said, not gently.

Jill responded, spots of color high on her cheeks. "I do! I want him to leave, and the madder he is, the less likely that is!"

"It's a good thing that the deputies talked to them," Adam said, in a calming way. "This way, they know where they stand."

"Yes," Hannah said, in agreement. "If you've told them, bluntly, that you aren't going to sign your baby over to adoption-then they

need to leave you alone."

"There's the agreement paper, though," Jill said. "The contract."

"Do you have a copy?" Crane asked, quietly.

"I-yes, I think I still have it," Jill said. "It's in one of my bags."

"The thing to do would be take it to a lawyer, see if it's legal at all," Crane said.

"Yeah. I agree," Adam said.

Jill looked at Daniel, and then nodded. "Yes. Okay."

After that, the discussion became about what lawyers were local. The conversation became too much for me, all of a sudden.

I went to the telephone in the kitchen, and called Kenny. When his mother answered, she said he wasn't at home, but she'd have

him call me back. I hung up, wondering where he was. His mother probably would have told me, if I'd asked...

It wasn't that we'd had any set plans, or anything, but I still wished that he would have been home to talk to.

I decided that going for a ride would help with the unrest I felt bubbling up inside. Petra was faster, but Old Charlie was best for

long rides. I went back into the living room, which had thinned out a bit. Brian and Clare had gone for a walk, Jill had gone upstairs to

rest, Daniel and Crane were occupied with their guitars. Hannah and Adam sat on one of the couches, and Guthrie had disappeared somewhere.

Hannah was bouncing Isaac in her arms and his babyish laughter was making them both smile.

I paused beside the edge of the couch. "I'm going to go for a ride, okay?"

Adam looked up towards me. "Which direction?"

I hadn't thought of that. I just wanted to mount and go wherever I felt like going.

I said something along that line of thought, and Adam immediately said, "Nope. You know better. We need a direction."

I sighed. Of course I knew better. It was a hard and fast rule, for everybody, not just me, that at least a general direction be given

before riding off, so that if there was an accident or you were needed, somebody would know where to start looking.

"Um, east I guess. Up towards the canyon. Maybe I'll see the burros," I said.

"Take some water and a granola bar or banana," Hannah said, quietly.

"Yes, I will." I looked at Adam, for final permission.

"Okay," he said, with a nod.

"Don't be too long, Harlie," Hannah said. "Before it starts getting dusk, you start heading home."

"I will," I said, and started towards the kitchen to get my jacket. I headed out to the barn, gathering Charlie's bridle and saddle.

Charlie is easy to catch, always agreeable, and I had him nearly saddled when Adam came walking out towards me.

He paused, hands in his pockets, watching me as I finished up.

"You don't have to go along with Guthrie on everything, you know," he said.

Surprised, I looked across Charlie's back at him. "I don't," I said.

"If you let him talk you into calling off the trip to see Ford, well, you don't have to do that."

"I know. It's just-he's sort of right, about how we should be at home and all that."

"Like I said, this stuff's not your responsibility. If you want to go to Ford's, then we'll figure it out. I still don't want you staying at

the dorm, but if Ford's at the hotel with you, that'd be alright," Adam said.

I gave him a smile, genuinely grateful to him. "Thank you. But-I guess I'll wait a little bit. Hannah might need me for something."

He fixed me with a studying gaze. "Harlie." he said, simply. As in, Harlie, have you listened to word I've said?

"It's okay," I told him.

"If you're feeling overwhelmed, or like you can't get any peace, then I want you to tell me." This was in direct reference to when I'd

taken off to Tennessee because I was so overwhelmed and wasn't feeling heard by anyone. I'd promised to never let anything get that bad again

without talking to him, or Brian, or someone.

"I know," I said.

"I sort of thought that's what earlier was about, when you said you wanted to get away to see Ford. That you were feeling that way, penned

in. Overwhelmed."

"I guess I was, a little," I admitted.

"But now, you're not anymore?" Adam asked, raising a brow.

I was trying to think of an answer when he continued. "Nothing's changed since this morning. If anything, it just keeps getting more

intense."

"It's intense," I agreed. "But-I'm okay, Adam. Really. Going for a ride will help me."

He paused, still studying me. "Alright," he said, finally. "Let me know if you change your mind."

I left Charlie half-saddled, and came around to the side where he was standing.

I set my hands on his waist, and looked up at him. "You're the very best," I said, with feeling.

Adam smiled with his eyes. "I think you're alright, too," he said.

7

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