Chapter 47

It started with a page to the ER, a 6-year-old who had shot her father multiple times, Arizona instantly flashed back to her only childhood, a life of being abused, how brave she was to try and stand up to her dad. Still, this wasn't her first abuse case, and Arizona knew sadly it wouldn't be her last. Game face she told herself, Maddie needed a doctor not a basket case. Her pager went off, Arizona sighed in relief as she handed over to Meredith, this was a slight break, which is what she needed. She would be fine, with just a small break in the madness.

Escaping she answered her page, writing the treatment for the child, then checking on Callie, who was operating. While normally she wouldn't bother her, she needed the comfort Callie's presence could bring.

"You know you can lie" she offered, "To your dad, you can lie" she said, it didn't bother her, Callie's parents lived far enough away that it wouldn't impact them directly and if asked to choose between Callie and her family she'd be torn, and heart broken. She couldn't save Maddie that pain, but she could save Callie she could make sure Callie's dad stopped hurting her, stopped making her cry, she didn't need to be public, and in lots of ways it scared her that Callie's dad had been violent, throwing people against walls. She just wanted to keep him calm.

It was that evening they were walking to Callie's,

"I'm not going to lie to my parents" Callie revealed, "I don't want to hide you or me from anyone" she leant in kissing Arizona,

"Okay then" Arizona said, taking Callie's hand only letting go when they arrived home.

"Pizza?" Callie suggested, she'd been scrubbed in the OR all day and felt too tired to cook. Arizona nodded. Her exhaustion was emotional.

They ate and cuddled, Arizona falling asleep first.

Suddenly daddy was there, standing over her, screaming, telling her she was useless, his fist clenched, Arizona was crying screaming, Jessica was there, and Maddie and Jackson, with a dozen of other children she had either lost or nearly lost, there dead or dying faces surrounding her, she had to protect them, she had to save them from daddy,

"You failed, you killed them like you killed your mom" he mocked,

"No" Arizona denied, suddenly she had a gun, she fired and fired and fired, but he just kept coming.

"Arizona" a voice said, a female voice,

"No," Arizona screamed, "No" not the little coffins, not more dead children, Timmy's face was there now, Timmy's dead face, she had failed them all, she had failed,

"NO" she screamed louder,

"Arizona open your eyes" the voice that wasn't daddy said, with a gasp Arizona shot up, covered in sweat, she had a brief moment while her sleep brain caught up with reality and was overcome with nausea, she left the bed running to the toilet, throwing up the pizza from earlier. Callie was there moments later holding her hair back out of her face.

"Hey, are you alright?" she asked, as Arizona dissolved into sobs, unable to shake off the bad dream. Callie sat on the floor as Arizona threw herself into her girlfriend's lap holding her like her life depended on it. "It's okay" Callie soothed, "it's okay, you're okay" she promised. "Hey, what's all this about?" she asked worriedly,

"Tiny little coffins" Arizona muttered, clinging to her girlfriend for dear life, refusing to let Callie get up off the bathroom floor, desperately needing the comfort from another human as she fought the urge to climb into the wardrobe,

"Aww sweetie" Callie soothed rocking slightly. "I'm sorry" she apologised understanding how sometimes work came home with you, not that it had ever made her physically sick, but she'd cried a few times at home and had a few sleepless nights. "Come on" she pulled Arizona to her feet wrapping her in a blanket pulling her gently to the kitchen. "I haven't made you my world-famous hot chocolate yet" She gently placed Arizona on a stool hugging her closely, before getting out the cocoa and boiling the milk. Arizona letting her go for the most part instead holding Callie's hand.

"World famous?" Arizona asked feeling the nightmare fade, as the smell of cocoa filled the room. She sat on the stool fighting the urge to go and hide in the wardrobe,

"Well, Miami, Botswana and here" Callie shrugged. "Maybe not world famous but it tastes amazing," she said stirring the mixture, "You want to talk about it?" she asked, Arizona shook her head no, shivering as she remembered her dream. Callie noticed and gently stroked her hair,

"You wanna hear about my patient today, she broke 52 bones, falling from Kylie" Callie's eyes lit up, she loved talking about her complex ortho cases and Arizona hadn't heard this one yet.

"Who is Kylie?" Arizona asked, hearing about Callie's day. Callie grinned as she began telling Arizona about the hundred-year-old oak passing her the hot chocolate, finding it soothing her nightmares as did holding Callie's hand. While it wasn't her normal coping mechanism of hiding in her wardrobe it was quickly becoming her favourite way. She could listen to Callie talking all night and hoped to for many nights to come.

….

Arizona was frustrated, mad and confused. It had started off well, a recommendation of a restaurant, it was pricey, but Callie was worth it, after being ostracised by her family, Arizona knew she was struggling, and just wanted one night of normality, one night of treating her like the princess she was. While Callie wanted to stay in Arizona had batted her baby blues and dimples, they had stayed in all week, since her nightmare, she wanted to go out. To treat her. To show Callie how grateful she was to have her in her life.

It started off great until they sat down, then Callie had got quiet, Arizona found herself doing most of the talking, she'd ordered a bottle of red, Callie's favourite trying to get her to loosen up, but it had seemed to make things worse. After the meal she had expected a goodbye kiss or hug, an invite to the apartment, like she had had every night that week, but instead had been left with a pat on the shoulder with Callie complaining of a headache and taking a cab home, alone. And while going home alone wasn't the problem it was the total lack of engagement from Callie, that left her feeling like they had broken up, without verbalising it. What made it worse, while waiting for the taxi the waitress had stepped out.

"That looked like a disaster of a date" she commented,

"No" Arizona denied, she shrugged,

"I know what I saw, look if you want some fun, here is my number, I finish at 11" she offered. Arizona took the piece of paper as the taxi pulled up.

"I can't that's my girlfriend" she said handing back the paper,

"Your loss, we'd be hot together" the waitress said.

Since all Arizona could think of was Callie and why she hadn't enjoyed their date. Was it something she had said? Was it the dress? Did she not like French food? Her mind was racing through the possibilities, her whole morning call to her mom was running through options, each time she gave a suggestion Barbara told her she needed to talk to Callie, repeatedly. That this guessing game wasn't healthy, for either of them. Arizona arrived at work promising to try, first was scrubbing in on an emergent case.

Unable to bear it any longer as soon as she scrubbed out, she hunted her down, she needed to know, what had happened, why Callie hadn't enjoyed it, where it had gone wrong. The food had been amazing, the drink great, and she was the entertainment, so where had it gone wrong, did Callie not like French food? Arizona knew she liked the wine, but she had barely drank it, so it had to be her. On the drive in, she'd spoken at length to her mom, who had just said to talk to Callie, and stop jumping to conclusions so here she was, talking to Callie.

"What went wrong last night?" she asked trying not to sound angry or hurt but needing to know, she was going crazy, even to the point of struggling to focus on her surgery, instead just thinking about Callie.

"Err I'm kind of busy here Arizona" Callie replied, not looking up or making eye contact, only inflaming her anger and concern.

"I of course have surgeries back-to-back and a kid on life support, I'm kind of busy too, what went wrong?" she asked again, trying not to get frustrated, Callie was busy she could see that, but this was important too.

"Hey that's not any better, put him in the hall" Callie shouted behind her, not listening,

"We went out to a 4* restaurant, best in Seattle, it was supposed to be fun, romantic, but then you ordered a salad, where they make the most delicious French food, then you picked at it, barely spoke to me and then bolted, so what went wrong?" she asked again, worriedly, "I mean did I do something,"

"I just wasn't feeling it, I was exhausted, tired, sorry" Callie said, Arizona frowned, she was lying but why? Was it something she said or did, were they breaking up, "Hey I said the hall" she yelled again, getting up leaving Arizona stood at the desk, even more concerned than before. She walked upstairs to do her second surgery, again all her thoughts were on the brunette downstairs, thankfully it was a simple procedure, one she could do in her sleep, as soon as it was finished, she went downstairs. Nothing was making sense, and she hated it when things didn't make sense.

"You said you were tired" Arizona began, the thought had been bouncing around her head all surgery, "Yet it's your day off and you are working extra shifts in the ER"

"I rallied," again Callie refused to look at her refused to make eye contact. Again, Arizona knew she was lying,

"You rallied, your lying" she accused, slightly hurt, why was Callie lying, why didn't she want to spend time together.

"No, I'm not lying I love the ER" Callie lied again, her voice doing that upwards tempo thing it did when she was stressed,

"You love the ER?" Arizona challenged, she had spent many nights listening to Callie rant about ER shifts,

"Uh huh, can't get enough of it, it's fun" Callie said, still not looking at her, frustrated and late her for her surgery Arizona walked away, something was definitely wrong, why was Callie lying?

Upset she went to a storage cupboard, her surgery could wait, just a few more minutes,

"Mom" she said relieved as she picked up

"Hey sweetie" Barbara said, "What's wrong?" she asked having already spoken to her daughter once today she knew something was up.

"Callie is lying to me and I don't know why, but I think we are breaking up and I really don't want that but I asked her what's wrong and she says she is tired but then she is picking up extra shifts, and not looking me in the eye, and says the ER is fun, but I'm fun so why doesn't she want to spend time with me, and I don't know what to do" Arizona cried,

"Oh Arizona, you march down there and tell her, that you are a catch, that if she wants you, she has to treat you right" Barbara demanded, "you are beautiful and talented, and deserved to be treated so"

"You think so?" Arizona asked insecurely, in her head she could still hear daddy telling her she was stupid and useless, and the world would be better without her in it. Every day she fought not to listen to him, but on days like this it was hard.

"I know so, baby, I know so" Barbara reassured, "You are beautiful and special, and so talented, I thank God every day you came into my life" she said.

"Thanks mom" Arizona wiped her tears away.

"Let me know how it goes" Barbara instructed, as Arizona hung up, running to her surgery.

"Oh, oh love" Callie groaned as she saw her, making Arizona more mad, so her girlfriend couldn't even bear to see her now,

"So, the ER is fun but I'm not," Arizona shouted, why was Callie picking up extra shifts, why was she avoiding her, why could she not look her in the eye anymore, if they were breaking up why didn't Callie just say, it would be painful, she would be devastated but it was better than this.

"Arizona" Callie sighed,

"Wait you can get enough of me, is that what you are saying, I mean do you want to just end this? Because, because there are women that are lining up for me, I am hot, and if you want out then you should have the guts to say so, I can take it, and maybe this was just a fling, that's run its course, and maybe it's over," Arizona paused, she wasn't sure she could take it, it would break her, she felt stronger about Callie than she had about any other relationship, but she didn't want to trap the brunette in a relationship.

"Maybe it is" Callie agreed slumping into a chair, everything about her appeared defeated, Arizona paused not sure whether to comfort her or not, then her instinct took over, and she ran. All surgery she thought about Callie, thought about their relationship, and soon she had to go back and end it properly, she knew she wouldn't rest until she had more answers as to why they had broken up, her mind just didn't work that way.

"I just want you to know I am hurt, I am hurt, and I am angry" Arizona said, trying not to cry, "Because I thought that we had something, that we were going somewhere, and if you are just sleeping around if you are just making the rounds of girl surgeons then I think that you ought to know"

"We went to a fancy restaurant," Callie replied,

"What?" Arizona frowned, trying to put that statement into context, what was wrong with a fancy restaurant?

"We to a fancy restaurant, the nicest restaurant in Seattle, the salad I ordered, the salad cost $26.95, the wine you ordered cost $125 a bottle, I didn't even look at the entrees because I knew I wasn't going to be able to order one because I was already out $75 bucks and I don't even like salad" Callie moaned,

"Oh" Arizona stood puzzled, why was that a problem

"And the bill came and you"

"I paid" Arizona said the penny dropping, Callie's dad had cut her off.

"Do you know what I was doing before they brought over the check, I was counting in my head trying to figure out how I was going to buy food for the rest of the week if my half is $75 because I don't have $75 because my father disowned me, and has cleared out my bank account. I am broke"

"Callie"

"And I am exhausted Arizona, I am working in the ER because I need to money, 6 people died on my watch today and I am fried. I wanted to stay in last night, I thought last night would be the night for us, you know our night. But you wanted to go to a fancy restaurant. I can't do that. I can't" Callie cried. Arizona felt her heart break, she couldn't stand Callie crying. This was more than the money, this was everything, being disowned realising her family had left her for dead, left her with nothing, and that was something she could relate with. Having nothing.

"it's alright, hey, it's okay, so, we stay in, and we'll eat sandwiches" Arizona promised, amazed at what she was saying but even as she said it, she knew it was true. For Callie, she would eat sandwiches, for Callie she would eat every sandwich in the world.

"You don't even like sandwiches" Callie reminded her,

"But I like the girl who has the sandwiches" Arizona replied "Okay"

"Okay," Callie agreed, "no wait, I don't like sandwiches either, I like pizza"

"I like pizza too" Arizona agreed. She offered her hand, Callie accepting it, "Why don't I walk you home, we can have pizza and get ready for the wedding," She suggested, Callie nodded taking her hand. After dropping Callie home, Arizona nipped to her own place to grab the bits she would need for the wedding and an overnight stay.

"Mom" she said,

"Hey sweetie, how are you? Did you chat to Callie?"

"Uh huh, mom I said I'd eat sandwiches, for Callie I'd eat sandwiches" Arizona revealed,

"Wow, that's amazing, Daniel" Barbara called, "Arizona was going to eat sandwiches"

"Our Arizona" Arizona could hear him in the background, "She doesn't eat sandwiches,"

"She does for Callie" Barbara revealed sounding gleeful,

"You hold onto that girl Arizona," Daniel ordered, anyone who could get Arizona to eat sandwiches was the real deal in his mind.

"I will Sir" Arizona replied, "I got to go, wedding"

"Wait already!" Barbara shrieked, Arizona laughed,

"Relax mom, it's not me, its doctors at work, it was Meredith and Derek, but now its Alex and Izzy" Arizona explained, "Its complicated, I'll explain tomorrow"

"Ok have a nice time at the wedding, let us know who does get married, and send photos, you know I love weddings" Barbara gushed.

"I will" Arizona agreed, "I love you"

She hung up focusing on getting dressed and getting back to Callie, they made it to the church just in time for the wedding, this time Callie didn't feign a headache or tiredness, Arizona ordered the pizza's 2 large, her excuse was that Cristina and Owen might want a slice, and Owen could eat a pizza by himself. In truth the thought of Callie going hungry was horrifying, Arizona faintly remembered that the physical pain from your stomach, not being able to sleep because it hurt too much. Callie wasn't going to experience that. Arizona was determined even if she had to sneak food in every night, Callie wasn't going to go to bed wondering where her next meal was coming from. Not if Arizona could help it.

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