September ending only meant that the workload went up dramatically. James began to desperately look for a new seeker for the Gryffindor Quidditch team, therefore begging both Peter and I to join the team.

"Just do the tryouts," I said to him one afternoon. "I'm sure loads of people will want to join the team."

"I don't have time to hold tryouts," said James.

"Hang on," said Sirius. "Is James Fleamont Potter, our James Fleamont Potter, saying he doesn't have time for something Quidditch related?"

"Yes, I am," James said, his voice sounding breathless. "I'll find time for it. Sometimes you have to make academic sacrifices for Quidditch. I suppose I need to make tryout posters! Good idea, Moony!"

He got up and walked over to the middle of the common room where there was a pile of parchment available to all students.

"Moony, how do I tell him I want to pull out of the Quidditch team?" Sirius said to me quietly.

"Are you serious?" I said. "Or is that a joke?"

"I'm serious. I don't have time for Quidditch with the amount of schoolwork I have to do this year," said Sirius.

"Well, maybe not now," I said. "He's dead set on getting a team together. Maybe just don't turn up to tryouts? Or is that really inconsiderate, given that you're his best friend? I don't know."

"I'll talk to him when he's in a good mood, but not a good Quidditch mood if that makes sense," said Sirius.

"Yeah, alright, that sounds like a good idea," I said.

The first weekend of October was our first Hogsmeade visit of the term, and James spent the entire trip asking around to every Gryffindor student if they wanted to play Quidditch.

"I can't tell him," Sirius murmured to me as we walked toward Zonko's. "He's in such a Quidditch mood."

"Who's in such a Quidditch mood?" Peter asked, too loudly. I didn't notice that he was close enough to Sirius and I to hear what we were saying.

"I sure know I'm in a Quidditch mood," said James. "It's going to be banging team. We need to win the Quidditch cup in our last year, don't we, Padfoot?"

I gave Sirius a nudge, and he just sighed, then said, "Prongs. I know you're trying to get a team together, but you're going to lose one of your beaters."

"What do you mean?" James asked.

"I'm pulling out," Sirius said. "I need to do well in my N.E.W.T.s if I want to become an Auror after school. This means that Quidditch training will take up all my time to study which I'm already short of. Sorry, Prongs."

"Hey, don't be sorry," said James. "It's OK, I completely understand. As long as you still cheer me on at every game, not just this year, but in the future when I'm with a professional team."

"Of course," said Sirius. "We all will. Every single game."

"Yeah right," I said.

"You know you will, Moony," James said, grinning.

"The world cups, yeah, but every single game? I think I've seen enough Quidditch games in my lifetime just here at Hogwarts," I said.

"Aw, come on, Moony, we both know you love me," said James, as we entered Zonko's. "Anyway, the Quidditch trials are being held tomorrow morning. I need a Chaser, a Seeker, and now a beater."

"Alright, enough talk about Quidditch, look who it is," I said, gesturing to the front counter where Lily, Amy, and Mary were buying something. James talking about Lily was annoying too, but I couldn't stand another word about Quidditch at that moment.

"Oh my god," said James, then called out, "Hey, Evans!"

Lily, her friends, and practically everyone in the store turned around to face James. Then, when they saw who he was waving at, all eyes went onto Lily, and I saw her face go pink.

"Hi, Potter," she said, then quickly bought whatever she was there to buy, and left.

"Aw, dammit," said James. We all had a browse in the shop, then left. As soon as we stepped out of the shop, however, Lily was waiting there for us.

"Potter," she said, stepping out in front of us. "I don't mind you saying hi to me, or pretending to have a crush on me. But don't make it public. Just because there are a lot of people around doesn't mean there are more people around for you to show off to. You're just embarrassing both of us."

"OK, I'm sorry," said James. "But did you just say I'm pretending to have a crush on you?"

"Yes, I'm not stupid," said Lily, then spinning away from us and saying, "alright, bye."

"Wait, Evans!" James cried, and Lily looked back at him, crossing her arms. "I'm not pretending."

"It's not funny, Potter," said Lily, then walked away from us.

"She thinks I'm joking," James said, his voice low. "How can I prove that I love her? Truly love her?"

"Well, have you ever told her while you were alone?" I asked.

"Well, we've never really been alone. We've only ever had one night patrol because the prefects do most of them. And I didn't get the chance to, then... well, I did, but I was too nervous," said James.

"Why, do you feel more confident when we're around?" I asked, and James nodded.

"I think she thinks you're just trying to show off to us by pretending to ask her out," I said. "So, if you ask her alone, she will know it's genuine and maybe even say yes."

"Alright, I'll do that, thank you, Moony," said James, nodding. "Should we go to the Three Broomsticks, then?"

We all made our way to the Three Broomsticks, but as soon as we got in, I noticed that there was not a single customer in there. The other three sensed that something was off as well, and as we looked around the restaurant more, I noticed that a few of the chairs were flipped over, and there was shattered glass on the floor, from one of the windows, which was broken.

"Madam Rosmerta?" Sirius called out nervously. There was no response. "How... what happened?"

I took a sniff. It wasn't death eaters, I could tell that from the smell. It was... "Students. Two boys. About sixteen. Around half an hour ago. One of them..." I faltered, looking at Sirius.

"One of them what?" he asked me.

"One of them smells a bit like you."

Sirius's eyes dropped to the floor, then he bent down to pick up one of the chairs.

"What?" said Peter, obviously not understanding. "Padfoot wouldn't attack the Three Broomsticks, would he?"

"My brother," Sirius said quietly. "I guess he's really made his choice then, hasn't he? Whatever. Let's get out of here."

"Shouldn't we still report it, though?" I said.

"I bet you it's already been reported," said Sirius. And soon enough, we figured that he was right, because soon after we left, people from the ministry, as well as Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall, were crowding around the building.

"Students, please go straight back to the castle," said Professor McGonagall, then she spoke directly to James. "Potter, can you and Miss Evans please make sure all the students get safely back to the castle?"

"OK," said James, then called out, "Come on, everyone! You can come back here next time."

"We'll meet you in the common room," said Sirius, and he, Peter, and I walked back with the crowd to the castle.

"Do you know who the other attacker was?" Peter asked.

"No, I can't tell names unless I know the person well," I said.

"Remind me to 'talk' to Regulus at dinner," said Sirius.

"What are you going to say?" I asked.

"I need to check his arm for the Dark Mark," said Sirius. "Hence why it's 'talk' in quotation marks because we're not actually talking."

"So, you think he's become a Death Eater?" I said.

"Well, he is sixteen, that's the age to become a Death Eater," said Sirius, a little sadly. "Whatever. He's such an idiot. Falling into line with that bullshit."

"Alright, shall we just go to the common room to do... homework?" I said.

"What else would we ever do?" Sirius sighed.

At dinner, that night, Sirius didn't even hesitate to approach his brother. He walked straight over to the Slytherin table and I watched him pull Regulus aside.

"Come on, don't watch, Regulus will notice and never talk to him," said James, and he, Peter, and I sat down and began to eat our dinner.

"Do you reckon he's a you know what, then?" I asked, and James nodded.

"I think Sirius knows he is, deep down," he said. "He doesn't want to believe it without proof. I mean, why would Regulus not be a you know what?"

"Yeah, I suppose," I said, putting a forkful of stew in my mouth.

Sirius came back to the Gryffindor table a few minutes later, his mouth clenched and eyes down. His body language told us the thing we'd all suspected: his brother had gone to the dark side of the war. And we may have to fight him in the future.

"Come on, try to eat a bit, Pads," James said.

"I'm not hungry," said Sirius.

"Come on mate, I don't want to hear your stomach growling all night," said James. "Don't make me feed you."

"Oh my god, OK," said Sirius, beginning his own dinner.

When Sirius and I were alone, in his bed, he held my hand underneath the sheets, and he cried. I felt so stupid because I didn't really know what to do, even though Sirius was the person I knew better than anyone. I just wasn't good at comforting anyone, even him.

I understood why he was upset, though. He was upset because he knew he was going to war in less than a year, and his brother could be on the other side of that war, and to fight against your own family... that would be horrible.

The problem was that I couldn't relate. I didn't have any siblings at all, let alone a sibling who had become a Death Eater. But even if I couldn't relate, I should be doing better to make himfeel better. Just like he did for me. He wasn't a werewolf, and he didn't relate to me, yet he did a good job of making me feel good.

I was a horrible person. And Sirius, my love, was in pain, and he was letting me see that because he trusted and loved me. I was just holding his hand and stroking his hair. How pathetic could a person be?

And how pathetic was it that I was thinking about myself at that moment when I should have been thinking about Sirius? Trying at least to put myself in his shoes so we could feel his pain together.

I did love him. I really did. More than anything else in the universe. A lot more than myself.

I just wasn't as good at expressing my love as he was.