Zeff was too old to deal with a dumb ass son. He was too old to deal with equally stupid broccoli head and even less so for the stupid ass D-Brothers.

He was too old for all this bullshit. Not only did he have to deal with his constantly heartbroken son, but he also had to deal with Mihawks son who was also always heart-broken.

It was a fucking mess, and he didn't understand how the two morons could be such fucking idiots.

Oh but that's the shitty cherry on top, both of them could make the other so happy. If Sanji could just take his damn head out of his ass and see how much the damn cabbage head loved him. If the damn idiot swordsman would just tell Sanji, instead of trying to mend a broken heart with booze and flings.

But let's go back in time, because this situation wasn't always so screwed up.

There are a few things to keep in mind, first and foremost is "The Strawhats" all care deeply about each other. Second of all, Zoro had been in love with Sanji since day one. Third of all his son would do anything and everything for love or women.

Everything was pretty normal and Zeff was sure that one day Sanji would realize that his best friend was madly in love with him.

Well life isn't a fairytale and nothing works out right.

Rumors spread pretty quickly when Sanji enters college that he will sleep with anyone as long as they tell him that they love him. Zeff obviously hates this for a multitude of reasons but mostly because when Sanji realizes he was just an easy lay he gets all depressed.

His son is stupid though and keeps sleeping with anyone who says they love him because, "They might be telling the truth this time."

News flash: They never are.

Zoro on the other hand would be absolutely crushed every time it would happen, but play it off. At some point it must have gotten hard to play off, and Zoro started sleeping with just as many people as Sanji did. The difference though was while Sanji was the one thrown away in the morning Zoro was the one kicking everyone out. Zoro never slept with someone more than once.

Zeff, unlike the boys, was not a dipshit. Zoro only wanted Sanji, and Sanji only wanted love.

"Oh my god Zoro just tell him!" Nami, the fiery redhead, screamed angrily at Zoro one night.

"Just like half the school has?" Zoro grunts.

Zeff's lip twitches as he overhears.

Nami rubs Zoro's back, "You're only hurting yourself by not telling him."

"I won't be like everyone else. I'm better at actions than words."

"Yeah... but Zoro, how will Sanji know if those actions are coming from just a friend or someone who wants more?"

Zeff hates to admit it but she's got a point. If his idiot son hasn't noticed Zoro's very obvious feelings for him by now, most likely he never will. Zeff walks over, gives Zoro a beer on-the-house and smacks the boys back. He really likes Zoro, it's hard not to like someone who loves your kid as much as you do.

A year passes and Zeff almost shits himself when Sanji tells him that Zoro is coming over tonight for a date. Apparently the green haired idiot finally got a brain cell.

Zeff is cautiously optimistic when Zoro comes over for the date.

Zeff can tell Zoro is trying really hard. His green hair is combed back with actual product in it. He's dressed up really nice and even has flowers and chocolates from a really fancy specialty store.

The green bean is also bright red and looks moments from actually dying of embarrassment.

Zeff got the best damn table in the house reserved for them. He wants to finally see his eggplant happy. Logically he knows he shouldn't be spying on the date but he needs to know. To hell with if it's "appropriate" or not.

As Sanji is talking about the meal they are eating and commenting how Carne made the meat "too dry" (Zeff needs to look into that) Zoro is looking at Sanji like he doesn't know what to do with himself. Zoro is just looking at Sanji as if he is the most amazing thing to ever exist and he couldn't be happier than he is right now to just go on a date with him.

It's what any good parent wants.

Sanji asks, "Don't you think it's dry too?" Zoro is just looking at him with so much love it makes Zeff feel uncomfortable. He honestly doesn't understand how Sanji can't see it, it's like a neon sign on the moron's face. "Oi, moss, did you hear me? Do you also think it's dry?"

"I love you."

Zeff wants to slam his head into a wall as Sanji looks at Zoro with a face that might as well read, "Oh, so that's all that this is?"

"Well at least this time I got a meal out of it." Sanji is trying to make it a light comment, or a joke, but he looks so fucking hurt.

Zoro seems to snap out of it, "I meant it."

"Sure you did. I believe you." Sanji lies, and it's so obviously a lie, "Do you want to stay the night or go back to yours?"

Zeff can see Zoro panicking, "No Sanji, I really meant it. I'm not after… that."

Sanji scoffs, "You're always after that."

Zeff wants to leave, but he can't, he needs to know how this goes.

"Let me prove it to you."

Sanji sighs, and it sounds so resigned, "Sure, let's head to my-"

"Tomorrow!" Zoro blurts out, almost screaming the word.

"What?"

"Let's have another date. Just a date."

"Look Morimo you don't have to-"

"I'm serious."

Sanji sighs, "Okay."

It's the next day and Zoro and Sanji have a date on the balcony of Zeff's and Sanji's shared apartment above the Baratie. He wishes he could say this time he minds his own business, but once again he is eavesdropping. Even worse is this time Patty and Carne are also there. All the chefs, old ex-cons, ears stressing to hear the conversation makes quite the sight if anyone ever saw them. Zeff wants to kick them out but they won't leave without a fight and he's not supposed to be here either. Besides Zeff knows that the only reason these two shits are even here is because they love Sanji as much as he does.

The mood should be perfect. The moon is large and shining, the small table on the patio is the perfect table for a romantic late night dinner, there are fairy lights dangling along the awning and there is even a nice little romantic candle in the middle of the table. Zeff even spent extra love and care in the kitchen to make the meal for the two of them absolutely perfect.

This had to go better than last night.

Zeff can't see as well as he did the night before but he can see that the cabbage head has the same stupid love-struck look as the night before. He had it in good authority that Zoro had been practicing what to say tonight as to not fuck it up again.

Zeff didn't want to hear some punk spilling out his love for his son, but… being a parent is hard.

Zeff is waiting for Zoro to say something while Sanji is gazing at stars like a moron, instead of looking at Zoro's face, which would prove everything about Zoro's honesty.

All three chefs are waiting with bated breath.

"I love you" Zoro say's, voice awestruck and completely enamored and all three chefs facepalm.

How could he say it again for a fucking second night in a row!? To be fair Zoro looks like he would like to slam his own face into the table right about now as well.

Sanji opens mouth to say something but Zoro cuts him off, "Another date."

"Look Zoro…" Sanji looks out of his element.

"Are you free tomorrow?"

"I work" Sanji says, and it's true, he has a late shift. Zeff has to force himself not to tell Sanji someone else can cover the shift.

"This weekend?" Zoro tries again.

"Look, you don't have to-"

"I didn't want to ruin this by saying something stupid, let me show you."

"Loving me is stupid?" Zeff can tell Sanji is about to lose his shit.

"No, saying it when it makes you look like this, is."

That's the last time Zeff purposefully listens in on them, but he is aware that they keep going on dates and as he learns by The Strawhats making fun of the cucumber that he's telling Sanji he loves him on every date.

It goes on for not quite two months before Sanji and Zoro come home from a date and Zeff realizes how thin the walls are, and how glad he is that Sanji never had other partners stay the night here before.

The next morning, he's happy to note the bright smile on Sanji's face as Zoro follows him in for breakfast and announces that he wants to crash at Sanji's for the rest of the day. He's very affectionate to Sanji. Zeff gets to see his son smile happily, knowing that this one wasn't going to hurt him, that this one was going to stay.

The two of them looked a little too happy though, and Zeff wanted to get out of there and down stairs to the Baratie before they started to touch each other. No parent wants to see that.

For all the stress these two knuckleheads caused him he thought it was only fair to call out as he opened the door to head out, "Next time keep it down or fuck elsewhere, these walls are thin."

The pure embarrassment and blush on both of them helped Zeff feel better about all the trouble these two have caused him by being stupid.

He really is too old for this…