AN: Ok, that last chapter was heeaavyy. This one will be a bit lighter? Hopefully. At the time of the AN, I haven't actually written it yet, lol. I still know what my intentions are with the next chapter though.
AN2: Another rec- Begin Again by Cold Flame on AO3. I thought I exhausted the library, I apparently just didn't have the right tags.
AN3: Weight/Weightless series by Bellinaball is SOOOO good! It's taking me forever to finish it because it's so dense and GOOD.
–
13
My Joy
–
"Mmm... what are you doing?" Sebastian asked sleepily, surprised to see Kurt still in bed with him. "Don't you have a flight?"
"I canceled it." Kurt shook his head. "Actually, I guess it would be more accurate to say I postponed it. I just couldn't seem to get myself up and going this morning." He seemed unconcerned about it, his fingers lightly stroking along Sebastian's shoulder blade. "I called to let them know I wasn't feeling good and was probably going to spend all day in bed, hoping it would help me recuperate."
"You never do that." Sebastian was a little bit slow on the uptake, he frowned lightly. "Are you feeling ok?"
"I'm divine. How are you feeling?" No matter how many times Kurt touched him, it felt like new all over again, as if he was discovering him for the first time. Yet there was a familiar comfort in the touch as well. It was homecoming.
"Relaxed." Kurt had worn him out the night before, usually it was Sebastian who was pressing for more but Kurt seemed reluctant to leave even last night and had been soaking up as much as he could from Sebastian, even now, unable to stop touching him. Sebastian relaxed further into the touch, loving every stroke of his fingers.
It was so soft and sweet and could easily be mistaken for innocent. The gentle fingers only caring in their touch and Sebastian wanted to open himself up for more of it. He wanted to bask in it, never getting enough.
Kurt pillowed his cheek on the arm under him and smiled softly at him, pleased and looking relaxed as well. Sebastian's eyes closed again and his hand wrapped around Kurt's waist to splay palm open against the small of his back, wanting to touch too, pulling Kurt's slighter form towards him. Kurt chuckled a little and Sebastian knew he was watching him but he didn't mind, he could watch him sleep if he wanted to. Sebastian fell back asleep, a rare opportunity to have Kurt all to himself for the day and he wasted part of that time sleeping, but it also wasn't a waste.
True to Kurt's word, he was still in that bed with Sebastian when Sebastian woke up again. "You're still here."
Kurt's eyes melted and he leaned forward and kissed Sebastian. "I'm sorry that there is surprise in those words."
"More pleasure." Sebastian countered softly. "I'm happy you're here but can you really be here?"
"I can be where ever I want to be." Kurt boastfully stated and both knew that wasn't entirely true but both were pleased by the words. "I'm going to be in this bed with you with the only exceptions being bathroom and food breaks."
"We have a bit of a problem with that plan." Sebastian pointed out, he had no plans to be anywhere else, it was a weekend and his day off.
"Santana is with Brittany in Miami, travel and lodging paid for by yours truly."
"You planned this?" Sebastian wouldn't have thought so with the way Kurt was the night before. Sebastian slid a leg between Kurt's, moving closer, they were comfortably warm but he still pretended it was for more warmth but there was no need for pretense between them.
"I hadn't but I worked fast while you slept. I just sent her and Brittany a text and sent them in the towncar to the airport."
"You think of everything." Sebastian pillowed his head on Kurt's chest and pressed lazy kisses to it, not needing anything more than the physical closeness of his boyfriend and the occasional press of lips against skin. Kurt's fingers trailed up his back and into his hair, gently petting his hair, not bringing this into any other territory either. They just needed this time together. "It's not even a holiday or anniversary or any kind of special event. What did I do to earn this?"
"By being yourself." Kurt pressed his lips against Sebastian's hair. "I just wanted to be here with you today."
"I'll take it. This is where I'll always want you, whenever, always."
It was a sleepy Saturday spent mostly in bed with the rare exceptions of bathroom breaks and eating when their stomach requested it.
That had always been such a beautiful memory for Sebastian. He didn't have to mention it, he would see it reflected in Kurt's eyes occasionally too, a far away look and a soft smile. Kurt had to leave the next day though, he couldn't put it off without genuinely being sick. Life intruded on them far too often.
–
The echo of the thunder shook the pictures on the walls nearly as much as the original boom. It had to be nearby and Sebastian tugged Kurt away from the window pane. He found Kurt there when he came home, looking out over the gray day, doing nothing but holding a warm mug and watching the rain lash against the glass. Lights around the city lit up with the lack of sun in the middle of the day but as the night fell, more lights went on.
Sebastian had left Kurt there as he made himself something to drink as well. He was surprised Kurt hadn't been holed up in his studio working on his next design since the weather did not permit him to do much else. He could run from building to building with supplies and hope they didn't get wrecked in some way by the rain. Unless they were sealed in some kind of plastic, even the biggest umbrellas couldn't protect them. Kurt would be sloshing through the water on the streets too, the rain fell quick and heavy and a flash flood had formed.
Kurt being indoors was the only logical thing. Him just looking out over the city that never slept but did go to part time capacity was new. Sebastian wondered if he would have been wandering the streets if he hadn't been regaled to the indoors and this is what Kurt was like on those walks. He hadn't seem to notice Sebastian come in.
Sebastian went into their bedroom while his drink heated and changed into something comfortable and warm. His clothes had gotten wet the short time periods he'd been outside getting from building to car to building. He curled up onto the couch, mug in hand as he watched Kurt, the elegant line of his back as he held himself with all the same grace as normal. He sat pretty still for a very long time and Sebastian watched for a majority of that time, but eventually moving on to a book. When the flashes of light and thunder drew closer, he'd expected Kurt to move. He didn't even flinch as the first boom had things rocking. When the booms started having echoes, he decided it was time for Kurt to move away from the window.
"You can be electrocuted if you sit too close to a window during a lightening storm. It could hit you through the glass. I've also unplugged our smart devices." That could be fried and could electrocute them too if they were using it when lightning went through the cord.
Kurt stirred, and Sebastian wondered if he'd been asleep. He stretched out his legs and body and smiled broadly at Sebastian. "Hi." He greeted, going up onto his tiptoes to press a kiss to Sebastian's mouth where it met his cheek. "When did you get in?"
"Do you often sleep sitting up?" Maybe that's how Kurt had so much energy, he'd mastered the art of sleeping while looking awake.
"I wasn't asleep." Kurt's brows furrowed. "I was just looking at the city and thinking."
"You must have been thinking pretty hard for it to drown my movements out." Sebastian teased.
"Yeah, I guess I get a bit lost in my thoughts." Kurt looked back out the window. "I sometimes forget how beautiful this city is. For being some place I absolutely adore, I'm not here nearly enough nor really see it like this. I think I end up being away more than I am here."
Sebastian held back on saying anything, Kurt didn't need him adding to it. "It is a beautiful city but not the most beautiful place in the world."
Kurt reached up and laid his palm gently on the side of Sebastian's face. "It's the most beautiful place in the world to me because my home is here."
"Your home could be anywhere, these are just walls and things." Sebastian didn't get it, they'd just moved into the condo a few weeks ago. His arms linked around Kurt's waist and hands joined together, resting lightly on Kurt's backside.
Kurt's lips twitched as if what Sebastian said was funny. "There's memories in every object, in the walls and the space and when I uncover or bring out an object that's been in storage, more memories flood through me. All of that is true but none of it is what I meant, Seb, you are right, these are memories but that's not the home I was speaking about. I was talking about you. You are my home."
Sebastian laughed and put his forehead against Kurt's. "I thought for a second you were going to say New York was your home for everything and everyone in it but that seemed even more remote than just our physical home. You're my home too, you've been home for so long I can't remember any other home." He never really had a home outside of Kurt and Santana but his words still stood.
"I've missed you." Kurt trailed his thumb against Sebastian's lower lip, his eyes holding Sebastian's. "I hate being away from you."
Sebastian nibbled lightly on Kurt's thumb, moistening it before releasing it to continue it's journey on his lip. He wanted so badly to say then don't but he knew that wasn't in the cards for them. It was enough knowing that it was hard on Kurt too, that Kurt would prefer to be here like this with him.
Their condo lit up brilliantly for a second before it turned off like a switch and then their condo rumbled along with the thunder cloud they were in. It did the same thing to the mood as it did the static in the air, supercharging it and then cutting it down to nothing. Sebastian chuckled and pressed a kiss to Kurt's mouth and then tugged him to the couch. "I've lit some candles in case the power goes out and I've been reading while you've watched the city."
Kurt glanced at the paperback that had it's spine bent as Sebastian placed it on the table so as not to lose his place. "That's my book." Kurt accused. "Man you're a quick reader." He picked it up and looked at the page Sebastian was on. "You read all this since coming home today?" Kurt checked. "How long have you been here?"
"Eh, maybe two hours." Sebastian shrugged and then drew Kurt down onto the couch with him. Kurt wasn't dressed nearly as casually, but that was ok. Then he touched Kurt's calves, intending to lift his legs and put them over his lap so they could cuddle and read the book together, when he realized the bottoms of Kurt's pants are still wet; and cold. "How long have you been sitting in wet cold clothes, Kurt?" Sebastian was back on his feet and pulling Kurt into the bedroom, pulling Kurt's clothes off as they went. He thought about running some warm water and pushing Kurt under it to warm him up but then they'd have to dry him off too. He settled instead for the heated towels hanging on the rack and pushing Kurt onto the bed and wrapping them around Kurt's lower legs.
Kurt laughed and tried to kick Sebastian off but Sebastian was intent on warming his lower extremities up. "I've been sitting inside our condo, it's plenty warm in here."
"Yeah but you're still in wet clothes that have gone cold. It's been making you colder too." Sebastian had been shocked at the coldness of Kurt's feet.
"You know when you stripped my clothes off and pushed me into the bedroom, this is not what I was expecting."
"Well, bully for you, this is what you're getting."
"I'm sure there's something else that would be even warmer and would warm me up even more thoroughly." Then he wriggled his feet in Sebastian's hands. "Although, honestly, that does feel quite nice."
"Yeah and the activities you're suggesting would be fine for the interim but then you'd be all sweaty and that sweat will cool and be back in the same boat. Or having to take a shower after that and then after drying off, cooling off and being in the same situation."
"I'll have you know, I was thinking of just cuddling in this bed with the blankets over us and your legs warming my toes up. Why, what did you think I meant?" Kurt wiggled his eyebrows at Sebastian who laughed in response.
"I think I've taught you exactly what it is that I think you meant. Somehow you've even taught me a thing or two." Sebastian carefully went over Kurt, Kurt tensed up a little but not struggling to get free. "In particular, you taught me the sweet agony of patience stretching out for what seems like forever. It's you specialty, making me wait." He pecked Kurt's lips and then disappeared off of Kurt and into the closet.
Kurt's mouth quirked up on the side as he turned to watch Sebastian. "You know, this could be a metaphor for something."
"A metaphor for exactly what it is, maybe, finding you warm and comfy clothes." Sebastian came out with one of his pairs of sweats, his warmest sweater and a pair of thick socks that actually belonged to Santana but had somehow ended up in their laundry. Santana was good at sneaking things in and Kurt let her, but didn't let Sebastian. It had continued even now when they didn't live together and all of them at all times (except Kurt at that apartment with Rachel) had an in unit washer and dryer. Sebastian had always had a separate laundry room. Santana's recent place had it in her bathroom which should have made things more convenient.
"Probably forgot them at the last sleepover." Kurt shrugged and his feet were much bigger than hers but she lost the ability to bitch about it when she purposefully had them do her laundry for her. Though Sebastian probably wouldn't trust Brittany with it either. Thankfully she didn't leave her underwear, actually cleaning those items on her own.
Sebastian would have just tossed them and they were expensive pieces of tiny garments.
Sebastian nearly tackled Kurt back into the bed when he saw him decked out in his clothes. It wasn't the first time they borrowed each other's clothing, being a similar size and as long as nothing stretched, Kurt was fine with it going both ways. Sebastian's legs and arms were still longer than Kurt's and Kurt's torso was a little longer than Sebastian's. For whatever reason, seeing Kurt in his sweater and sweats did something to him and he couldn't put his finger on it.
Kurt rolled over the hem of the ankles and the waist band to keep himself from tripping over the added length but let his hands be engulfed within the long sleeves. "Ready?" Kurt asked, though he was the one who was getting dressed.
Sebastian swallowed hard and nodded, reaching out to hold Kurt's hand and walking with him back to the living room to try and do what they'd set out to do originally, cuddle and read a book.
–
"You know how that story ended. That sweater became my new favorite and I let you borrow it all the time but refused to let you wash it after you wore it. I don't think we've washed it since, each wanting to smell the other in the threads." That sweater was almost thread-bare now, but they wouldn't toss it, there was somehow a joint ownership on it even though Sebastian had bought it for himself. Nothing was his anymore though, so he really shouldn't be surprised.
Sebastian pressed a kiss to the back of Kurt's hand. "There's so many good memories to choose from, each sweet in their own right, all powerful, all totally organic. I don't have a favorite memory of you, and I cherish all the memories. Though there are favorite moments that I pull out and polish once in awhile when I need to be cheered up. There's a lot to choose from, it's like saying which is my favorite book or movie. There are so many good ones out there. I know we're going to make more too." Sebastian chuckled. "Is it crazy that the time you called my dad a homophobe is one of them? Nobody had ever defended me against my dad like you had and his platform is about protecting gay rights." Sebastian shook his head. "It was ok for others but not for his own son. He'd never cut me off, that wouldn't look good for his image, especially when he can't prove I've done anything wrong to deserve it, or even age out of his help. He's so furious that we're both art majors, still. I think he could have tolerated it a bit better had one of us been science or math or business, even better if we both had been. How little does he know, you're still business even with an artistic font on it. You're the business, only thing more prevalent in people's homes might be food but I still think you have that beat when looking across every type of home and person."
His dad hadn't even mentioned Kurt the last time they talked, Sebastian had told him that Kurt was in the hospital months ago and Sebastian had kept bringing him up, talking about how he was still there. He hadn't even said anything once about Sebastian being near death himself and he certainly hadn't visited. Sebastian didn't want him, otherwise he might have threatened a well-placed phone call.
"As was that time you dressed my mother down and made her stay for a lunch when I finally convinced you to go back to Paris with me. You've been so many more times without me since. I wanted to show you Europe,or at least the areas I knew and then explore the rest with you. I know you only hit the major zones, London, Paris, Barcelona and Rome. There's still so much more to see. You've even beat me to South America and Asia." Sebastian had gone to South Africa for a project and it was only after Kurt had gone but he'd also gone to Hong Kong, Tokyo and Beunos Aires for other projects. Most of his projects though were in the greater New York area.
"I also loved those times where you brought Paris to me, sometimes back with you and sometimes just spur of the moment things. You've always done that, even before we got together. Somehow always knowing when I need a Parisian fix."
–
"Now, I've never been to Paris or France or even Europe." Kurt laughed as he steered Sebastian into the dining room Sebastian had only ever been in a handful of times. Thanksgiving and a few other occasions outside that eventful first meeting came to mind.
"Ok." Sebastian looked over at his shoulder at Kurt. "Is that hinting at something? I can afford to send you there if you need it."
"No, neither of us have the time to go and I'll pay for my own way." Kurt made a good point, it's why Sebastian hadn't been back for almost six months now. "I only know what I've seen in movies, TV shows, documentaries and the like. I'm probably woefully off but hopefully you can appreciate the effort?"
Sebastian stopped still and Kurt ran into his back before taking a quick step back and to the side. "What- what did you do?" Sebastian gasped looking at all the terribly cheesy and cliché French décor and fake cutouts attached to the walls. There was even an Eiffel Tower in the 'background'.
"It all comes off." Kurt shrugged. "I wanted to bring a slice of France to you. I found a little bakery in the neighborhood that sells what I can tell are as authentic as possible French pastries and cheese. I was warned that they won't be precisely what you remember, having a few different recipes from the region and not able to exactly replicate all the ingredients sourced from the vicinity."
"You-you-" Sebastian turned to Kurt to tell him how amazing he was but instead broke out into galling laughter, barely able to breathe as he wheezed and laughed huge belly laughs. Kurt looked absolutely ridiculous. He'd stuck on a black 'French' mustache and goatee and had a beret and had taken off his long 'painting coat' to reveal tight black pants with the ankles rolled up and white socks and black flats and a striped red and white shirt. He even had a fat cigar hanging out of the side of his mouth.
"Too much?" Kurt asked with a horribly cliché French accent and swapped it out for a long stemmed cigarette holder with a candy cigarette at the end. "Better, no?" He stroked his fake mustache, old school villain style.
"Oh, oh God, please stop." Sebastian was going to seriously have to go to the hospital and hooked up to something that would breath for him that didn't require going down his nose or throat if he could retain any oxygen from laughing so hard.
Then he started singing one of the most over-played French songs on the planet but still, from Kurt, it sounded beautiful. Sebastian sank into a chair and his laughter calmed. Kurt still looked ridiculous but he had certainly serenaded the beast into submission. Sebastian couldn't do anything but watch and listen. Even his quips had disappeared from thought.
Tears formed in his eyes and he clapped so hard when Kurt finished. It wasn't at all appropriate or even what Kurt was aiming for and he flushed a little at the praise. Sebastian spoke in French to him, lathering him in compliments and desires to hear more. Of course, Kurt didn't understand, he could mimic the sounds perfectly but he did not speak French. His Spanish was terrible since he'd been taught by a teacher who hadn't known it himself. Santana always cursed his name whenever one of the kids spoke Spanish in her vicinity not angry with them but the man who'd taught them all incorrectly.
Kurt's Spanish though was getting better as Santana corrected his terrible pronunciation and grammar. He was starting to be able to interpret and present his ideas now in Spanish.
Sebastian had wished he'd learned French, and he probably would always wish for that, but being able to sing it as beautifully as he did was a gift. Even native speakers could struggle with it and not speaking it probably gave him an advantage, not getting held up on how the words were supposed to sound and instead flowing with it the way the writer intended. Songs were just poetry set to music and not all words were going to sound the same in verse as they did when speaking normally, they were made to fit the line.
"Please, join me." Sebastian waved to the table, he didn't want to be at it alone and despite how it might look to others, it didn't even feel like a date. It was just a really good friend trying to cheer up another one. There was no weight on this, it was just easy and comfortable. A lot of their coffee meet ups felt this way too but there were times, moments when both just looked at each other that Sebastian could have sworn their time together meant something else.
Still, this would never be forgotten, it touched Sebastian immensely.
Kurt sat with a flourish and crossed his leg over the other before waving extravagantly to the plate of assorted cheese. "Cheese monsieur?" He still had that ridiculous accent and his eyes danced, baiting Sebastian to call him out on it.
"Please." Sebastian wanted to see how long he could maintain it. He couldn't help but adding. "If you think this is what Paris looks like, you've been watching all the wrong documentaries."
Kurt gave an elaborate shrug along with a dismissive hand-arm movement. "I disregarded those when I saw Goodwill had these available for cheap."
Sebastian ran his finger over the red and white checkered table cloth. "I see." Sebastian would have to one day take Kurt to Paris for real and realize just how far off the mark this was but in a way, so so on brand and right.
"Maybe cheese isn't what you desire, there are some pastries."
"Some espresso and courvoisier?" Sebastian suggested with his eyes dancing.
"Rachel, chop chop." Kurt clapped with an authoritative voice. Sebastian hadn't even realized the roommate was here. Had she been part of this? Things seemed a little less special.
She came in with an eye roll and two cups filled with espresso and a bottle of the cognac Sebastian favored in his coffee. "Ugh, Kurt, I told you I was on my way out. I can't believe you roped me into this."
"It is just for the espresso presentation." Kurt argued with her in his regular voice. "I'm the one who made the drinks." Then he turned back to Sebastian, with that fake accent again. "Rachel is leaving good sir, please, enjoy and don't worry about the tip, gratuity is included."
Rachel huffed and spun on her heel and headed out, probably to go see Brody or something. She hadn't liked being dismissed like that but Sebastian was more than pleased. So Rachel had absolutely nothing to do with this except being conveniently present for one of the jokes. Now she was gone. Sebastian was definitely pleased by these turns of events.
Sebastian saw Kurt twirl his mustache again and not only did he look like an old school villain but sounded like one too. He couldn't keep the smile off his face, it just wasn't possible and he found he didn't want to.
He didn't once ask where Adam was, he didn't need to know nor did he care if Kurt didn't. They were alone in the apartment with the promise of staying that way for awhile. Sebastian didn't even try anything, he was impressed with himself for his growth as he just enjoyed his time with Kurt and the very good attempts at Parisian fare.
–
"Remember how I asked you if you still had that costume? At the time I didn't want to ruin anything with you and managed to tell myself not to think that way even without consciously being aware I'd done so. A few years later, I was hoping we could take that costume to the bedroom and you could twirl that mustache and speak in that ridiculous voice for as long as you could before I made you dissolve and forget to continue on with the charade. Unfortunately you had gotten rid of it along with a lot of other things over the years and moves."
Sebastian ran his fingers up Kurt's palm and linked their fingers together, holding onto it with both hands. "I wish you'd sing more. I can't help but feel it's partly my fault you don't. I ruined what you had with Elliott and Santana ruined what you had with Dani and you refuse to sing with anyone else. But Kurt, they were holding you back, you did well with those rock but you were made for something more touching, more meaningful. When you sing something that has feelings that you can explore, you always bring me to tears."
Sebastian chuckled and shook his head, sitting back a little but not disconnecting their hands. "Who am I to complain? I've only sang a handful of times since coming to New York. I think we've both lost that part of us." His eyes flickered over Kurt's face though. "Do you remember the song I sang to you? Not the ones that I got roped into singing, but the one I sang to you?"
"We were at a wedding," not anyone Sebastian really knew or found important. The usual troupe was there, Rachel, Santana, Blaine and strangely, Sam and Finn. Maybe it was someone they'd grown up with. Didn't explain Blaine or Santana's presence though.
It was after Blaine stole Kurt from his arms and took him for a spin around the dance floor, literally around it. For a few moments, it had annoyed Sebastian and he had gone after them but Blaine kept moving Kurt away.
Eventually, he gave up, still annoyed that Blaine managed to steal him for a slow song and still avoided him taking his boyfriend back. "Leave it be, Sebby." Santana's voice was next to his ear and she stepped into his arms, taking Kurt's spot and making it less awkward for Sebastian to be on the dance floor. "Kurt's a big boy, he'll handle it and it's a wedding, people dance with people other than who they came with." She poked him in the nose, she knew he didn't like that or the name she called him. "Your possessive streak is showing, relax, Kurt's not going anywhere."
"It's not possessive, it's protective." Sebastian spun Santana around appropriately to the music instead of what Blaine was doing with an increasingly annoyed Kurt. He was starting to fight Blaine's actions on the dance floor rather than just going with them.
Had it been someone else Kurt might have just gone with it. He had actually, when Sam and Finn had both taken Kurt for a spin on the floor with a more upbeat song and the two were goofs on the dance floor together. Where was Puck?
Sebastian frowned a little, clearly not even remembering the day of the wedding, what reason they were all there for or who it was for or why things worked the way they did. He'd have to check in with Santana the next time he saw her or text her to get the details cleared up.
"Hmm, maybe." Santana gave a shrug, also watching Blaine and Kurt move around the dance floor. "Kurt can still protect himself though, especially from the hobbit."
They'd been together for over a year and a half at this stage and only Blaine really got his hackles up. He had given up on the obvious flirt front after the debacle in the club. He was still annoyed that Burt was such a fan of the guy, but he also liked Santana, so maybe his tastes were flawed. He had even encouraged Kurt to dance with other guys in clubs before and they got a bit handsy at times but Sebastian didn't get jealous or step in and Kurt put whoever touched gently back into line and they respected his choice.
Ugh, it bothered him and he stopped his story to call Santana. "Bas?" Santana's voice was surprised to have Sebastian call her. "Everything all right with Kurt and you?"
"Yeah, sorry, you're probably at work." What day of the week was it anyway? Sebastian lost track. A lot of that had been happening lately.
"What is it?" She didn't deny or confirm, she had become a bit listless too since the breakup, some of her fire had gone out and Sebastian had called it. She was regretting the break up with Brittany but she was too determined to not bend, for now. Still, it was another hurt that she had to work through. A hurt she'd brought on herself, but still. To be honest though, she'd been a little less sparkly since the day she'd collected him from his condo to bring him to the hospital.
"Do you remember that wedding years ago, where the brothers, you and I and Blaine had joined Rachel and Kurt in attendance?" There was silence on the other end of the phone, Sebastian could have sworn he'd heard crickets.
Then Santana's tone was harsh. "What the hell? This is what you're calling me about?"
"Yeash, yeah, I was trying to remind Kurt of the story when the details kept escaping me."
"Oh God, Sebastian, you need to get out and do something else for awhile. Your brain is turning into mush. First of all, we never attended a wedding with that combination. What the hell would connect all of us except for Kurt and it would have had more than just the people you listed off? Secondly the one wedding we attended way back then was for my ex-boss at the time. Berry, Kurt and I would have been invited and Blaine would have been her plus one. Dani would have also been there and... you know what, maybe you were right, maybe the triplets were there too. I think that was during one of their visits and Kurt asked if it would be ok to bring them, not wanting to leave them on their own in New York..."
Santana sounded like she was thinking hard about that now. "Not sure where the third could have been though. I think maybe he was in attendance too." Santana sounded frustrated now too. "I think I have pictures from that time. One would have been my plus one and Kurt would have convinced Dani to let another attend as hers..." Santana made some shuffling noises and Sebastian waited patiently for her to return to the phone.
His beeped and he took a look at the picture she sent him, sure enough, all three of the triplets from Ohio were in the picture. "Right, I forgot about her. She would have had the third as her plus one. We were a sorry single bunch, weren't we?" Santana laughed because they hadn't changed much, only Sebastian and Kurt had been a couple out of all of them.
"I still maintain you need to get out and about if this is where your stories have diverged. That was a totally uneventful and boring wedding."
"For some, maybe." Sebastian agreed with a rueful chuckle of his own. "Thanks 'Tana, you're the best but stop telling me to leave my boyfriend."
"I just mean his side, dumbass. He's not going to notice you're gone and you have guards posted throughout the hospital. No one is going to harm him, no one even wants to." Sebastian wasn't going to risk it either way. Kurt was at him most vulnerable like this. "Just go for a walk or something, you're getting pudgy from sitting all the time."
Sebastian supposed there was some truth to that. He felt so old these days and his body protested some of his simplest of movements. He hung up with Santana and promised Kurt. "After this story." Now the details were a little clearer and he could tell the rest of the story.
They'd danced to a number of songs, both fast and slow and it was always a wonder to have Kurt in his arms and in his hands. Kurt could move and he felt so alive on the dance floor, and elsewhere, but he loved the feel of those muscles working underneath the shirts, and there were fewer layers at the night continued.
There were a few songs that were slow and beautiful, all were great expressions of love. Sebastian had slipped a request to the band though for one song in particular. No one would have suspected him to choose this song, no one but Kurt and Santana, maybe.
Sebastian's mouth was next to Kurt's ear as he sang the lyrics. The song playing was just the acoustic version, but these words spoke to him so much.
Never know, never know what I'm feeling.
Maybe I, maybe I never committed, I guess.
How will I know, will I know when I'm in it?
Seven months, all at once, far from the beginning, I guess.
But you got me saying, ooh
Used to wishing there was something more I'm not thinking that anymore.
Used to leaving every other day but now I wanna stay.
No one has ever got me high like this.
Set me on fire like this.
Running on a wire like.
Losing my mind like this.
I don't know what it is but I could never call it quits.
I just wanna stay like this.
There was more to the song and he'd sang it to Kurt but this was the gist of his feelings at the time. He didn't have the word for it, but it fit the moment for him. He had been with Kurt for over a year, he didn't want things to change, and he had no idea how so much time had passed in a blink of an eye. Of course, later, he realized the word he was missing was love but it was enough for then.
He leaned in and pressed his lips against Kurt's forehead for the first time in months. "I'll be back, chouchou." He would take that walk, he didn't want to concern Kurt that he wasn't taking care of himself. He didn't want to add that worry to Kurt's plate.
–
Sebastian went back to their condo and came back with gym clothes. There were plenty of places in the building to work out and the equipment was just asking to be used. He'd already been given permission. It wasn't exactly what Santana had in mind, but it did get him moving again and pulled him from Kurt's side for at least an hour a day.
For those who watched him over those months, he knew their worry and knew they thought it was a promising start. For Sebastian it was racked with guilt, he also thought it was the start, but the start of the end. He didn't want to be like the others in their life that had disappeared because visiting Kurt like this was too hard.
It was hard, it was very hard, but Sebastian sat in vigil, refusing to let that hardness win.
–
"You know what day I wish we could live in forever? It was two summers ago. Your family came up to visit for a rare trip, all together, including Puck and Sarah. Somehow you, Santana, Brittany and I all had the day off and Rachel was in rare form, not annoying everyone with every breath she took." Sebastian shook his head, he really needed to stop insulting the absentee best friend, but he couldn't help it. She more than anyone else had been a major disappointment to him. He couldn't even call her out on it though, she'd let the hardness win and he knew what a battle that was and he never thought she was much of a fighter for things that didn't move her upward in the spotlight.
"We had such a full condo that week, who knew that we could fit so many people in there?" Kurt, obviously, when he'd invited them all to stay.
Kurt had been so happy that morning, waking up before any of the rest of them. Sebastian padded into the kitchen when his bed grew cold and he knew Kurt was no longer in it. He didn't think Kurt was going to be far though. He had to basically step over bodies. They had three rooms, theirs, a guest room and a studio. Kurt had offered up the studio for Sarah but the rest of the boys had to make due with the couch in the living room and the floor, on air mattresses, but still, the floor.
He would have thought when they went condo hunting that Kurt would have wanted an open concept, since the kitchen was such a focal point in his life. Kurt admitted that he liked that the kitchen at his dad's was spacious but separate, kitchens were always such a messy place and everyone still gathered in there. If they were going to have coworkers over, he wanted it closed off for all but friends and family to see. So far, it had been perfect and today was a similar idea. The rest of the condo was pretty much open concept though.
Sebastian walked into the kitchen to find Kurt working on breakfast, humming along to the song on the radio and doing a few dance moves. He'd seen Kurt work in the kitchen before and it was always a sight to behold but this was the first time he didn't look at all stressed and it was the biggest group he'd cooked for in a while. Rachel, Santana and Brittany were due for breakfast too.
He didn't offer to help, he didn't interrupt at all, just loving his boyfriend so hard in that moment, falling even deeper in love with him with every swing of those hips or hum that carried over the radio. Kurt was gorgeous inside and out and he loved with every part of him, every breath. The things he came up with to show that love always left Sebastian breathless. It often came unexpectedly too and it was in small ways and big and every way in between. Sure, Kurt got caught up with things sometimes, who didn't? Kurt wasn't perfect, nobody was.
Sure, sometimes Kurt's tone was caustic or he said something a bit hurtful but it was honest and deserved and Sebastian was the same way. Kurt would fight for those he loved, even if they didn't want him around anymore, but who could honestly say that?
Sometimes Kurt was overly sensitive and sometimes he was the right amount of hurt and Sebastian had stepped in it, and had to grovel, rightly so. Kurt would bend when he needed to, when it was right to do so, even if he was adamant to go his way. Sometimes he would go his own way anyway and it would be correct.
His boyfriend who had brought all these people into his life, sans Santana. He owed Santana so much, having brought Kurt into his life first, though she'd also brought Rachel and hadn't wanted to introduce him to Kurt, but Kurt had requested help all those years ago and Santana begrudgingly brought him. Maybe he should pat himself on the back for being friends with such a person who made friends with her coworker and made himself available for the rescue?
He knew what both Santana and Kurt would say to him if they heard his thoughts and how he viewed that first meeting. He wouldn't live it down for a long time.
Sebastian knew he was a lucky man. His thoughts weren't even sexual as he watched Kurt move around the kitchen. Kurt turned and didn't miss a beat, catching Sebastian standing there watching him. He lifted a brow in question, if Sebastian was going to come in and help him. Sebastian shook his head no, and Kurt gave a little shrug, then went back to the stove, not a change in his behavior whatsoever. Just a smile tossed over his shoulder a few seconds later as Sebastian continued to watch him, but out of the way. Sebastian didn't even have to rouse up a smile in answer, it was already plastered on his face from the first moment he walked in.
Burt was the next to rise and he headed straight for the coffee maker. Kurt swatted him away and pushed him toward the center island and a pot of tea that was still letting out some steam. Burt didn't seem overly excited but sat and poured himself a cup. Sebastian was always amused to see Kurt win those fights. Burt was such a stubborn mule when it came to anyone outside his family. Considering who he considered his family, that was a pretty big group. Though he had seen Burt set his foot down and keep it there when it came to a few things with Finn over the years. There was a history there he hadn't asked about.
He hadn't asked about a lot of history when it came to the Ohio sector, he thought he understood them enough already. He really did believe on taking people as they were, today, and leaving the past alone until a person wanted to share it. Unless it was hurting them currently, then it was important to share even when you didn't want to. They all had things in their past they were not exactly proud of.
Kurt hadn't been wrong either, Sebastian tried to be better about it, knew he was doing it and tried to course correct, but if you weren't present, your life ceased to exist. Your life only happened when it was crossing Sebastian's life, except for Kurt. Even Santana had become a side character to his narrative. He knew she was still living, making decisions, doing things, but she was in his life physically less these days and nothing she did outside of his view really effected his. He didn't spend his time at work while working and focusing on a project, having another stream go through his head about what she was up to every minute of the day. He did wonder about Kurt, wonder if he was sitting down to eat while Sebastian did, if he was brushing his teeth right now or his hair or if it was time for another spritz to keep every strand in it's proper place. He wondered how Kurt was feeling at any given moment, sent him texts throughout the day, checking in.
It still always surprised him when a character in his story had a whole backstory that he hadn't paid any attention to or when things changed and they came in with a new person or story and Sebastian hadn't even realized they were doing that or seeing that person. There were things that he just rolled with but some things were jarring and reminded him all over again that other people were living their lives and their trajectory and he was just a bit player in their stories too. Though he probably paid more of a role in some of their thoughts or story while he wasn't present. For some people, duh, of course he was in their thoughts and they cared about what he thought or did. For others, he thought maybe he was prominent in their thoughts too much, he certainly forgot their existence in a minute and didn't dwell on a slight or somewhat kind word given in passing.
He was getting better, but he wasn't a saint like Kurt, who seemed to know everything going on in every one else's lives and was invested and cared and did kind things for them. Kurt could be the saint for both of them. Sebastian was there for Kurt and do whatever he needed of him.
Sebastian was self-centered, he got that, but he wasn't the only one like that in the world. He didn't actively go out and make sure everything went his way though, he just expected it to. He also didn't completely neglect other people and their feelings. They were just a back-burner for him that reminded him every once in awhile that they existed and perhaps he should move them off the heat or mix things up. He nearly always did the right thing in the moment.
Burt had grunted his hello at him and then disappeared into the New York Times and Kurt made a bit of a panicked face, it was a paper that liked to tell New Yorkers about the dangers of living in New York in a very dramatic way at times. Sebastian moved forward and pulled the paper from Burt to swap it with a different one. "This one is more your speed, old man." He was teasing and Kurt couldn't keep the amusement from his face as he turned back to the food he was cooking for a whole horde of people. He'd basically thought the same thing and had kind of asked Sebastian to take care of it since he couldn't say something like to his own dad. Sebastian had no fear and shrugged when Burt glared at him. He kept it out of Burt's reach and Kurt took it with a hand behind his back and slid it up his sleeve.
"You boys do know that I live and work in D.C. right? They are even more dramatic with their telling of the news with very obvious slants and some of it about myself?" Burt checked and neither one of them budged on giving him back the New York Times. "I also get the New York Times on my desk every morning along with the D.C. Daily."
Kurt sighed and gave it back to his dad. "We're not boys."
"Yeah, and I'm not an 'old man'." Burt said pointedly but there was a smile on his face. "I'm not yet at old people sex with Carole, that's going to be after we retire and move to Florida or something." Sebastian laughed while Kurt just made a nauseated face and went back to his cooking.
Carole came in shortly later, probably motivated for the same reasons Sebastian had been, a cold bed without their love was not fun. She hugged Sebastian, pressed a kiss to Kurt's temple and then went to join her husband at the center island and took up another barstool after pressing another kiss to her husband's cheek. She took a cup of tea though Kurt offered her coffee. "Solidarity." She answered with a wink, preferring the tea anyway. It was good tea, and Sebastian was not a tea drinker himself and liked it.
She rested her head on Burt's shoulder, reading the paper with him and he wrapped an arm around her waist. Such domestic bliss, Sebastian thought fondly as he watched them.
Sam came in about twenty minutes later, sniffing around Kurt and wrapping his arms around his 'brother' who was trying to cook. Sebastian expected a firm reprimand and to be told to sit down. Instead Kurt offered him up a piece of bacon which Sam ate from his fingers. Kurt laughed and Sebastian wasn't bothered at all by it.
"Go wake Finn, Sarah and Puck. Breakfast will be ready in about two minutes."
"Sure, give me the hard task." Sam teased but gave Kurt a little squeeze and then headed to get the others up and about and to the dinning room table, big enough to hold all of them.
Finn came in sleepily and tried to swipe a piece of bacon but was reprimanded and told to go to the dinning room, he could wait to eat with the rest of them. Sebastian wondered why Sam got special treatment. Or maybe it was Finn as Puck came in and took a piece and Kurt didn't even bat an eye, though he'd clearly seen. Oh yes, Finn was the only one to be told he couldn't eat ahead of time. Puck smacked Kurt on the ass too as he walked by and Kurt only turned his head and glared at the other man.
Sebastian only laughed right along with the other two still in the room. Mock-serious, Kurt turned to Sebastian. "Are you going to help now or just take up space? If you're going to choose the latter, at least do that after you bring the pancakes out to the table and make sure Finn doesn't eat any of them before the rest of us get a chance to sit down."
Sebastian gave a sassy salute and grabbed the tray of pancakes and headed for the dining table. He'd seen them all interact at the Thanksgiving gatherings and Christmas trips but this was different, there was a relaxedness to the whole thing. Kurt made a few other quick trips to Lima over the years and Burt came up without anyone in tow several times, but unfortunately they were only for a day or weekend at most. They lost out on so much being so many miles and hours apart but at the same time, they always slid right back in as if no time had passed and yet they were all grown up now, and had changed, somewhat.
He was included in all that now.
Somewhere along the way he missed Rachel, Santana and Brittany coming in but they had made a straight line toward the table, knowing that's where they needed to be.
Sarah was already at the table when he sat down and sure enough he had to save the pancakes from Finn. Sarah had grown up to be a lovely young woman and she wanted to see New York in the summer time as a legal adult and Puck had begrudgingly brought her along. He would be more comfortable with her doing so while he was in the same town. Puck, so protective of his younger sister, keeping her safe from others who would be just like him growing up. Sebastian found the arrangement kind of amusing. She was twenty-two now.
It made him blink in surprise, where had the time gone? If she was no longer that teenager he had once met, how old did that make him and Kurt? Kurt came in carrying the bacon and Carole brought the coffee and her cup of tea while Burt brought in the tea and his cup. Kurt disappeared back in for the fruit and other drinks and a few more items of food. Burt brought out the toppings.
Then Kurt released Finn to go after the pancakes and he didn't even murmur a protest when Burt reached for the bacon. He saw Carole and Kurt share a look and he knew it was probably something secretly healthy. Burt probably knew it too but it didn't stop him from taking a good helping.
Kurt passed him something under the guise of coming in for a kiss and Sebastian looked down to see his favorite cheese and a pastry that came from that French bakery that Kurt still sometimes stopped in to. "Did you go yesterday?" Sebastian asked against Kurt's mouth, seeing what it was out of the corner of his eye. Kurt gave a little shrug. "You spoil me."
"I love you." Kurt said as if that made it any different, as if it made it ok to spoil him and it was ok to spoil him, Sebastian loved it.
"I love you." He whispered right back, smiling into the kiss. "You do know this means I get to spoil you too and you don't get to say no."
Kurt rolled his eyes as he pulled back, but a fond smile was plastered over Kurt's lips. He was so happy today and Sebastian loved seeing it, knew he was a big part in why Kurt was so happy.
Later, they were in the park, Kurt between his legs, leaning back against his chest, Sebastian's arm resting comfortably against Kurt's stomach. Sam, Finn and Puck were reenacting something that happened earlier that day. Considering they'd been with them when this all went down, it was all the more entertaining with how inaccurate it was. Sarah was laughing, Santana and Rachel were getting on and Brittany's head was in Santana's lap, turned towards the trio as Santana's fingers played in her hair. Carole rested against Burt who glanced over at Sebastian and Kurt to include them in some kind of joke about the impromptu play and smiled warmly at the two and didn't mind Sebastian's answering smile back.
It had been a perfect day and Sebastian had felt so incredibly lucky to be a part of it.
–
EAN: Like This by Jake Scott