CHAPTER 161

(ELLIOT)

As I sit patiently in the waiting area of Caroline's office, waiting for Sadie I take a moment to think about everything that has happened. It has been unbelievable, the relentless rollercoaster of events. This time last year I was in an unhappy marriage, with a woman who despised me and who only married me for my name, my money and to prove a point to her so called best friend that she too could 'bag a Grey' to soothe her jealousy and resentment that Christian had taken an interest in and chosen Ana rather than her. Then when this year started nobody could've foreseen what was going to happen as it is completely unbelievable. I think of Ana and Christian, and how it was that email which Ana received back in April that seemed to start things off. I feel a smile pull at my lips at how Eva had come into our lives, first as Ana's sister and then mine. How then Christian had discovered the truth about his origins, and made contact with his birth family. I had discovered the real truth of my origins along with my sham of a marriage. How that single email had brought Gideon Cross into our lives, and how for the first time my brother had found a real true friend. How Gideon and Eva had helped free Sadie and Lucy from the living hell they were enduring and how Christian and Ana returned the favour and helped them with the shitshow that was Gideon's past.

Then with a smile I recall how that new relationship had also brought Megumi into my life, that was totally unexpected and I shiver as I realise that had it not been for finding out about Eva and travelling to New York to meet her family and friends I would never have met Meg. I push that thought away as I reassure myself with the fact that I did meet her and I am happy despite the determination of other people to try and destroy that happiness. I shake my head at the speed of how that relationship developed. Despite our best intentions of taking things slow and steady and seeing how it developed because it was clear Meg was severely damaged by that asshole she'd been with and if I was to be totally honest I was also a little gun shy after Kate… but it all seemed so perfect, so right and we just fitted… I let out a snort as I think the incredibly corny thought that we were meant for each other, but that is the only way to describe it and we both realised it. It became apparent really quickly that she was the other half of my soul and I was hers. That accelerated our timeline significantly and also managed to alienate my entire family for a while due to us acting upon that realisation.

I think about the family meeting, the revelations where we all opened up and released what we were thinking and how we spent time trying to get Christian to see and admit things which he very nearly did but it took the death of his abuser to finally give him that monumental seismic breakthrough and finally made him realise he wasn't to blame for his past. I think about mom and how far she has come, acknowledging her mistakes and dealing with her insecurities. Everything that has happened has been somewhat draining at times but we have become a much closer family as a result… not to mention a much larger one. I am pulled from my thoughts by my phone ringing. I pull it out and look at the screen, I frown as I see it's not a number that I recognise but I answer it anyway.

"Elliot Grey" I say simply.

"Do you accept a collect call from the Seattle Women's Correctional Facility?" the voice says and I go cold.

"No, I don't" I reply and hang up shaking my head, for fucks sake when will that fucking woman get the message? I quickly call Christian as this needs to stop.

"Grey" comes the sharp greeting and I grin as I realise that he has answered his phone without checking who it is.

"Christian, it's me… I've just had a call from the prison where Kate is, asking me if I would accept a fucking call from her. Look I don't like to ask but can Geoff Welch do something as I'm getting sick of this… please?" I wait as the silence spreads out between us.

"Consider it done, is that all?" is the curt reply and I frown wondering what is wrong.

"Erm… yeah, are you ok? I'm sorry have I called at a bad time?" I ask warily.

"You could say that" is the cryptic response and I frown.

"Oh ok, sorry I'll let you go then" I say.

I hear a sigh, "No, I'm sorry El… yes of course I'll get Welch on it right away. Sorry bro… it's just Ros has handled things admirably during my frequent absences but I'm still trying to catch up. Listen, why don't you and Meg come for dinner tonight and we can talk then?"

"Yeah ok bro, I'll let you go" I say as I understand immediately that he is working and probably stressed as he tries to catch up.

I send a quick text to Meg telling her about tonight and pushing my phone away once more I settle down and wait for Sadie.

A short while later the door opens and Sadie appears, she is incredibly pale and it looks like she has been crying… a lot, but she also looks a lot more relaxed, normally she seems to have this air about her like she is a coiled spring.

I walk up to her glancing at Caroline who smiles reassuringly at me. "Hey are you ok?" I ask gently as I wrap my arms around Sadie and engulf her in a huge bear hug.

"I… think so, Caroline is making me think about a lot of things and it is quite eye opening how everything in my life has been linked one way or another and Caroline said that once I make sense of it all and make my peace with it then I will be able to move on" she says.

I look at her, "Well if you want to tell me I'll listen but equally if you don't I understand" I say.

Sadie looks at me hopefully, "I would like to talk to you Elliot?" she asks and I grin at her.

"Well then consider it done" I say simply.

We make our way out to the car and I open the door and Sadie climbs in. I wonder what it is she wants to talk about, but I decide to not question her and let her tell me in her own time and in her own way.

I smile reassuringly at her as I pull away from the kerb and drive her back to her own home. I know Lucy won't be there as she will be at work so we will have time to have a chat in private when we get there.

The drive back to the house is in complete silence and I glance at Sadie a few times and see she is in deep thought; I don't press her but as the journey continues, I do start to feel a sense of concern that she has retreated inside herself once more.

"You're very quiet" I say gently.

Sadie looks at me and smiles and I am relieved to see it is a genuine one and not forced. "I'm just thinking about everything and how Caroline made everything seem so obvious… so clear for the first time" she says.

I grin, "Yeah she's good!" I say simply.

We arrive and Sadie reaches out and touches my arm, "Do you have time to come inside so we can talk?" she asks carefully and I nod.

"Of course we can, I have all the time in the world" I say.

We walk inside the little house and into the comfortable living room. I silently take a seat on the sofa and wait as Sadie goes into the kitchen and I hear what sounds like the coffee machine being prepped and a few moments later Sadie reappears with a tray filled with steaming coffee mugs and a plate filled with cookies.

"Now you know I shouldn't be eating those… and you also know that I have no willpower whatsoever, so I will!" I say with a grin as I reach for a cookie.

Sadie smiles at me, "I was never able to give you cookies until now" she says and something inside me stills at her tone and I look at her carefully.

"I have realised a lot of things today but before we start I want to make it clear that nothing whatsoever is your fault… and I am beginning to see that while I have to take responsibility for my actions which started everything… I wasn't totally to blame either".

I wait silently as Sadie looks down at the coffee mug in her hand.

"I loved Bryan Lambert… as you know he was your father's brother; he was my world… so when he died something inside me also died. I was a mess, grieving for him I was only 16 years old and I turned to Frank for comfort, I saw how much he was hurting at the loss of his brother and his parents and…" she pauses and I reach out and touch her hand.

"He took advantage of you" I say.

Sadie smiles sadly, "We took advantage of each other, as I say we were both hurting. We looked to each other for comfort as we both understood the levels of grief and loss. I know I told you all this in the basics when I sent you that letter when we first made contact. He had just lost his parents and his brother so he was as devastated as I was. We helped each other to begin with". She says sadly.

I wait for her to continue as she pauses and takes a sip of her coffee.

"But we got close and he started saying things to me… I was grieving, and I needed comfort, he needed comfort but what happened that night… I didn't… I didn't realise it at the time but he was manipulating me to have sex with him" she stops and looks at me.

A cold icy feeling of dread flows through me and I clear my throat, "Did… did he force you?" I ask nervously.

She shakes her head, "No, I consented, but… I didn't want to, to begin with. I was always planning on waiting you see. Bryan was happy with that he didn't push me, we messed around and we touched each other but we never went… all the way. But when he died I felt so alone, I missed his touch and his love. I made the mistake of telling Frank that when he said he missed Bryan and it was after that he started doing things, touching me and kissing me, I tried to pull away at first, I felt like I was betraying Bryan and I was so messed up. The night you were conceived… he started kissing me and touching me again, I tried to pull away at first and he said I was missing Bryan and so was he, he said he didn't want to take Bryan's place but there was no harm in seeking comfort in each other and that it would help us both in the long run… so I stopped fighting him, and things… things went way too far. I tried to stop him, I told him I was a virgin but that seemed to excite him even more, he said that so was he, he said it was right we should be each other's first… but now I don't think he was he seemed to know what he was doing for it to be his first time. He touched me and in the end I gave in and let him do what he wanted. I consented but I felt dirty afterwards, I felt I'd betrayed Bryan, but Frank told me I hadn't, he made me feel better and he assured me he wouldn't leave me… but then I found out I was pregnant with you and he left, he denied you and left. I tried to hide the pregnancy at first but in the end my parents found out, and they gave me an ultimatum you had to go or I had to leave. They said I had shamed them, they said I was a dirty little whore who had no self-control. I tried to tell them it was only once and that it wasn't like that, they didn't listen. They gave me no choice, I was 16 years old… I had nowhere to go, no money, nothing. I had no choice I had to give you up. I didn't want to, the maternal instincts I had from the first moment, which only increased when I first felt you move inside me, please know that I always loved you Elliot and I always wanted you… but it just wasn't possible for me to keep you. When you were born they tried to stop me from seeing you, but I did. I held you in my arms and apologised for what I was doing, I tried to explain to you that I was doing it for you because I couldn't give you the life you deserved and I wanted that so badly for you, I told you I loved you and I meant it with all my heart. I took a photograph of you, and it was the only thing I had to remember you. My parents organised the adoption, and they took me home, they told me repeatedly it was for the best and that now I could move on from my mistake and forget it. I couldn't though, I couldn't just forget you. You were not a mistake Elliot I loved you with all my heart. When I was 18 I met David, we were both seniors and he came to see my parents to ask for their permission to date me. He impressed them, with his ambition to become a doctor and the fact that he came from a good family. My parents practically threw me at him. They told me never to tell him about my 'mistake' as he wouldn't understand and it wouldn't be fair on him to know I'd previously been a slut. They never let me forget what had happened… they held it against me. They told me repeatedly that David was too good for me so I should be grateful that he had even taken an interest in me. He wanted to know all about me, he was nice at first, charming and sweet. He asked me at one point if I'd had any previous boyfriends and I burst into tears as I remembered Bryan. He held me and told me to tell him everything… I trusted him so I did. He listened and he told me that Frank had used me and that it was a mistake and I shouldn't feel bad about it. He thanked me for telling him and that we would never speak of it again. He was still charming and nice at that point, but then after we married, he changed… once he knew I couldn't get away from him without a fight that was when the control and then the abuse started. I remember soon after we first married… it was your birthday and I was saying happy birthday to your picture and he caught me. I quickly hid the photograph but he heard me and he got so angry… he said I should be concentrating on him rather than my past mistakes… he said he never wanted me to even think about you again and that if I did he would make me forget you. That was the first time he raped me. He said if I needed a child, then he would be the one to give me one. He came and he forced himself on me every night that week and that was when Jennifer was conceived. He was delighted, when I told him I was pregnant. He told me I now had a child who had been conceived properly to focus on. The problem was he got jealous of the attention I focussed on the baby and that made the abuse worse. I got pregnant a number of times after that but he abused me so viciously that I had a number of miscarriages. Lucy survived though; I didn't miscarry her. David hated her because she had refused to die… because he couldn't get rid of her. He just told me to keep her away from him, and he basically disregarded her from that point onwards. Both Jen and Lucy were conceived by rape Elliot, I have never told anyone that until today… Lucy has no idea and I don't want her knowing the circumstances of her conception but I still loved them just as I loved you. I protected them from him and while Jen… ended up like him and pulled away from me, Lucy and I formed a bond which was unbreakable. Caroline said that I have systematically been shamed for what happened when I was 16 and conditioned to believe it was all my fault. She has told me it wasn't she made me see a number of things which I was blind to and she made me question what had happened to me. It gave me a lot to think about and she told me that we would work on my past and… and get me to a place where I didn't think everything was my fault… where I would see it all objectively, she also warned me it could take time but I want to do this more than anything".

I smile at her; my heart is breaking after hearing all that. "I think… I think you should sit down with Luce and tell her what you've told me". I quickly hold up my hand as she opens her mouth to protest, "Hear me out" I say and she closes her mouth again.

"You don't have to tell her about the circumstances surrounding her conception, you can fudge that but you should tell her… because, she knew about me you had told her that much so it is only right that she now has the accurate picture along with just how shitty your parents were to you, making you believe you were a bad person when you are far from it… and how they were taken in by David, because they were Sadie, he fooled them".

Sadie nods, "I realise that now, I tried to tell my mom and dad what he was doing at first, but they told me it was my own fault for telling him about you… they said what did I expect telling such a fine man that I was basically a slut… they told me I deserved everything he did, I believed them… but now… I didn't deserve it did I?" she asks nervously and I shake my head and reaching for her I hold her tightly.

"No, no you fucking didn't" I snap a little too harshly, but I soothe that harshness by just holding my birth mom in my arms and stroking her back.

oooOOOooo

I arrive home my mind whirling from everything Sadie has told me. To me it seems so simple and straightforward, her parents were a bag of shit who didn't support or protect her and everything bad that has happened in her life since can be traced back to that point in her life where they refused to be any type of god damn parents and showered her with negativity for the mistake she had made whilst mired in grief. I wonder if they are still alive because at this moment I have this huge desire to track these fuckers down and give them a piece of my mind for what they have done to Sadie.

"El?"

I'm brought from my brooding thoughts by my beautiful wife, I step towards Meg and wrapping my arms around her I place my hand on her pregnant stomach and sigh. I smile as I feel my daughter move under my hand and I gently stroke the spot.

"How's my daughter?" I ask as I nuzzle into Meg's neck.

"She's absolutely fine, which is more than can be said for her mommy… and her daddy as well, going by the look on your face when you walked in".

I stiffen at her words, "What's wrong?" I ask pulling away slightly.

Meg looks up at me, "I got a call today, asking me to take a collect call from the prison, I refused and hung up but it got to me a bit".

I pull Meg close, "Shit, that fucking woman… wait when did you get it?" I ask.

Meg looks up at me blankly, "Erm…" she begins.

"Was it before or after I text you saying Christian had invited us for dinner tonight?" I ask.

"Oh after that" she says and realisation hits her as she is obviously recalling that time, "Shortly after… actually I thought it was you calling me to begin with" she says.

I shake my head, "She tried calling me, I called Christian to ask him if he could ask Geoff Welch to do something and that was when he invited us for dinner" I explain.

Meg shakes her head, "Surely that is against the rules though… trying to contact us?" she asks.

I nod, "It is, so I have no idea what game she is playing now" I say.

"Do you think it might be an idea to tell David as well, he might be able to do something through legal means?" Meg asks.

I shrug, "It can't hurt" I say.

Meg pulls me closer, "So, I'm guessing that is the reason for the black expression when you walked in?" she asks as she looks up at me once more.

I shake my head, "No actually, it wasn't… that woman doesn't have that effect on me anymore. I'd already dismissed her as irelevent… no, I was pissed after what Sadie told me. She had a really good session with Caroline but it had brought up events from her past which she wanted to share with me… some of which I already knew but some was new. She told me that her parents were complete bastards to her, they practically brainwashed her into thinking she was worthless after she got pregnant with me, she didn't stand a chance when David got his hands on her, because they had destroyed any self esteem she had. It made me angry on her behalf… so much so that I was of half a mind to call Christian to ask Geoff Welch to track the fuckers down for me" I admit.

Meg doesn't reply to that but just holds me tightly. I feel the stress sliding away at the feel of her against me.

"Where's Ava?" I ask looking around.

"Rachel took her out to the park, they should be back soon" she says.

She has barely got the words out of her mouth when the door opens and our daughter hurtles in squealing in delight as she sees me.

"Hi Elliot, I was thinking that maybe… just maybe the visit to the park would wear her out, it appears I was mistaken" Rachel says with a grin, as she closes the door behind her.

I laugh as I pull my daughter into my arms and press a kiss to her head before she wriggles to be put down, "You should know better than that" I say with a grin.

"So, do you need me for anything else?" Rachel asks looking at Meg questioningly.

Meg shakes her head, "No, and thank you for taking Ava to the park so I could concentrate on writing my statement" she says.

Rachel waves her hand dismissively, "No problem, well if that's the case then I'll be heading off?" she asks looking questioningly at us once more.

I nod, "That's fine thanks Rach, do you need a lift?" I ask and she shakes her head.

"No, I'm fine Mike is coming for me" she explains.

After Rachel has gone and Meg has settled Ava down with a drink and snack she comes back to me and wrapping her arm around me she looks up at me.

"Would you mind reading through my statement?" she asks warily.

I stiffen slightly as I really don't want to read what that fucker did to my wife, it was bad enough when she told me but nevertheless I nod.

"Of course I will" I say and I press a kiss to her head.

"I just need it checking for typo's really" she says.

I sit down and wait while she goes to fetch it. She hesitates a moment before she holds out the papers to me, "There is more than what I told you" she whispers as I take the statement from her.

I nod, "Ok" I say and I realise this is why she has asked me to do this as this is her way of telling me everything. I had always thought she had held back and not revealed everything that bastard did.

I look down and start to read.

My name is Megumi Grey (nee. Kaba). I was in a relationship with Marcus Lyle from May 2010 until September 2014.

I met him in a bar and he seemed to be a harmless charming man, polite and well spoken. We talked and we appeared to have a lot in common. We exchanged phone numbers and a relationship began.

At first I saw nothing wrong with his behaviour, I thought he was attentive. He focussed his entire attention on me and made me feel special. He would show up wherever I was and it always seemed to be by chance but I later discovered he had put a tracker on my phone so he could find me. He worked his way into my life and he slowly pushed my friends out of it. He monopolised my time and I was so loved up I didn't see what he was doing until it was too late and he had completely isolated me. He quickly asked me to move in with him, I thought it was too soon and voiced these concerns and he agreed at first and said he would wait for me forever. I realise now that he had no intention of waiting as he started inviting me to stay over and that was when things – mainly clothes and shoes started going missing from my apartment and I would find them at his, he tried to say that I'd left them there and that it was no big deal, I believed him. I moved in with him in August 2012, and that is when things seemed to change dramatically and I finally acknowledged there were red flags. He would take me to work and collect me and if he saw me talking to my co-workers he would interrogate me about them. He started getting angry with me for no apparent reason. One such occasion was when I text him one day telling him I was going for a drink with my colleagues after work. He showed up at the bar I was at and while he was charming and personable to the people surrounding me, when we left he changed and immediately got really angry. That was the first time he hit me, he said he didn't like the way I was flirting with a couple of my co-workers and he wouldn't stand for it. I was shocked when he hit me but he immediately apologised and made excuses that he was worried and he was sorry and it would never happen again. But it did, regularly. He told me he wanted me to give up my job, I refused and the abuse escalated at that point. The first time he raped me was when he came to pick me up from work and saw me talking to one of my co-workers. He said I had ignored him and he didn't like it and that he had to teach me a lesson not to ignore him again. He told me he would allow me to continue working as long as I understood he was my priority. He told me I was his and that if I ever forgot that I would be sorry. He told me repeatedly that I was stupid to think anyone else would want me, and that I should be thankful that he loved me because nobody else ever could or would. He would punish me for anything. We would be walking down the street and if I looked at anyone and he saw it he would accuse me of flirting and he would punish me, it got so bad that I nearly lost my job as I was taking so much time off sick after his beatings and rape. I think that was his intention, as he wanted me totally dependent on him. I knew things had to change when he took my phone and house keys away. He would lock me in the house, and if he was punishing me for some imaginary misdemeanour, he would leave me trapped for days at a time sometimes without food and water as he would also lock the pantry and refrigerator. But he realised that in doing so he was causing undue attention from my work and people were starting to ask questions as to my disappearances so he stopped doing that. However, he continued to refuse to allow me to go anywhere other than work and threatened me that if I told anyone what he did he would kill me. He would unlock the door, escort me to the car and hand me my phone, drive me to work and while I was at work he would call me throughout the day. If I failed to answer his call I would be punished when he came to pick me up. He would come and collect me take my phone from me and count up the number of missed calls and then that would be the amount of times he would hit me and rape me. I met a new friend via work and she seemed to sense immediately that something was very wrong with our relationship. She gained my trust and I eventually confided in her everything that Marcus was doing and she told me that what he was doing to me was very wrong and I needed to get out. I explained that I'd tried to leave, but he watched me constantly. My friend was one step ahead of him though, she finally helped me escape him. She gave me a burner phone and told me to hide it. When he went out one evening and locked me in the house, I finally made my escape. I had surreptitiously been packing my belongings for weeks and on the night of my escape he went out as planned and locked the door as usual. I called my friend and she along with some other people helped me to escape the house. They broke into the apartment and took me away. Marcus showed up at my work appearing to be the concerned and worried partner. I was alerted of his arrival and I hid while someone informed him I wasn't in work and that I had called in sick. By this point many of my co-workers were aware of the situation I was in and they all encouraged me to tell the police but I was too afraid of Marcus and what he would do, to do that. He appeared to leave quietly, playing the part of concerned partner who was worried about my mental health. He tried to say I was unstable and that he was worried I hadn't been taking my medication which was a complete lie as I wasn't on any medication. That evening I was waiting for my friend when he accosted me. I was terrified, he got into my face telling me I had no right to leave him and that how dare I think it was ok for me to do so, nobody would want me other than him so why had I left him. He threatened me that I was going to get the biggest punishment I had ever received for my disobedience. He threatened me, belittled me and then he accused me of having an affair and he said if I was seeing anyone else he would kill me. He tried to drag me away and I was terrified as I was convinced that I was going to die if he managed to take me. That was when my friend showed up and told him to get away from me, he told her to mind her own business and leave and she hit him. She got me away from him and other people came and told him to keep away from me, that night was the last time I saw or heard from him.

In my opinion, Marcus Lyle is a controlling narcissistic bully who sees women as objects and his property. He doesn't see women as people in their own right, rather he sees them as an extension of himself. He views their bodies as his property to do as he wishes with and he takes pleasure in hurting and abusing. Marcus Lyle is the worst kind of human being as he sees his actions as justified and acceptable. He is an incredibly dangerous man and I am indebted to my friend for helping me finally escape his clutches.

I stop reading and look up at my wife, "He locked you in the fucking house, without food?" I splutter.

Meg nods, "Yes" she says simply.

I drop the papers and pull her towards me, I don't say anything as I am too shocked by what I have just read and I just hold Meg tightly to me.

oooOOOooo

Later that evening…

"I'm sorry about my attitude today I was right in the middle of something" Christian says sheepishly.

I wave my hand, "Don't worry bro, sorry I disturbed you" I say.

"Anyway, Welch is dealing with it, he has made an official complaint to the prison" Christian says.

I smile, "Good, after I called you she tried contacting Meg so this has to stop. I've also told David and he is going to explore legal avenues to put a stop to her games, so if the prison get bombarded from both angles they will hopefully do something" I say.

Christian nods and takes a long gulp of his wine, "Welch said that he believes she will have her telephone privileges removed as a matter of course for doing this, but I would've thought our numbers would be on some proscribed list so that she would be unable to make that call? Plus the fact she then went on to harass Meg which is totally unaceptable"

I shrug, "Who knows" I say simply.

"Anything else eating you?" Christian asks and I sigh.

I quickly outline my talk with Sadie and my anger at her parents. Meg reaches for me and smiles at me.

"I think I didn't help his mood either after he read my statement for the court in New York" she says.

"Will you have to travel to New York to testify in person?" Ana asks but Meg shakes her head.

"I don't think so, they just want statements, I think. But if it comes to the fact that they do want me to testify in person I will do. Marcus deserves everything he gets" she says coldly. I nod in agreement as nothing is too harsh as far as that asshole is concerned after what I read what he did to Meg.

After dinner Ana and Meg are chatting happily and I take a moment to look at Christian meaningfully and he immediately stands and moves us away from the ladies.

"What's up?" he asks.

"Would… do you think… is it possible to…." I stammer and then stop.

Christian smiles at me, "You want to track down your biological grandparents don't you?" he says carefully.

I nod, "I really do, if they are dead so be it, but if they are still alive I need to meet them and tell them what I think of them for what they did to Sadie" I say.

Christian nods, "Well, I'm fairly sure that Welch should be able to find them from the information he already gathered about Sadie when he did the background check on her, do you want me to ask him to do that?" he asks.

"Yes, I really do" I say.

Christian nods, "Then consider it done" he replies.