WARNINGS: Some slight NSFW sprinkled throughout

MEIRA

With the feel of Cullen's lips against mine, I stepped back across the Veil. For a long moment, I kept my eyes closed. So much had happened, so much revealed, so much resolved. I simply wanted to breathe it all in. Opening my eyes a few moments later, my heart melted at the sight of him.
Gone was the terror upon his face, gone was the stress, the worry, the heavy burden of all that had been upon his shoulders. His eyes were closed, dark lashes brushing his cheeks. Golden hair curled upon his forehead, his brow relaxed and perfect lips slightly parted as he took deep, slow breaths. He was deep in the land of dreams, and perhaps for a time well earned, he would be free of the nightmares that haunted him. For Purpose and Embrace had promised to watch over him, to shield him. And I had promised that should any other demon try to harm him, they would deal with me.
I caressed his cheek, the coarse hair of his beard scratching my palm. Not caring if the others were still in the room, I laid my head down upon his shoulder and curled into him. Breathing him in, watching the steady rise and fall of his chest, feeling his strong heart beneath my palm, I drifted to sleep recalling all he had shown me in the Fade. If I had thought it impossible to love him any more than I already did, it was nothing compared to now.
The Veil parting as I fell asleep, I saw him, but kept myself hidden. I smiled as I watched him sitting upon the dock, feet bare as he dangled them in the water of his lake. He was humming to himself, eyes closed, listening to the water lap upon the shore. Embrace sat quietly beside him, still figuring out what she wanted to look like.
For she was a new spirit, just as Shame had been a new demon. She had been shaped by the both of us. Cullen had given Shame form, just as I had Embrace. Perhaps, someday I could let Cullen meet her again, but for now, I would let her do what she was meant to do.
I turned from them to find Purpose. He kept his eyes averted, his face unreadable. I had heard his confession to Cullen, the envy in his voice. Felt as he had fought his other nature and knew what it had all meant.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked.

His gold eyes met mine. "Because I didn't want to admit it," a sad smile pulled his mouth, "Besides, what good does it do? You love him. And I…am a spirit. To love me would mean you forever have to live half here and half there. And I would grow tired of it. I would want to be there. I would become Desire again." His face fell. "Am I forever doomed to want what I can never have?"

My mouth pulled into a half-smile, "Well, you are Desire."

Surprise lit his features before he laughed. "That was cruel."

I placed a hand on his arm, meeting his eyes, "I am sorry that I cannot give you what you seek."

He placed a hand over mine. "It is enough to be at your side. To succeed where I failed before. I am Purpose…and Desire. I will help you find your purpose and in so doing, perhaps you will also gain what you desire."

"And you?" I quirked a brow, "You wanted to possess him so you could have me. Do I need to fear you attempting it again?"

Purpose shook his head and looked away from me. "No." He looped my hand through his crooked elbow, turning us to face Cullen's dream again. His gold eyes fell upon Embrace. "It seems we all faced something in Shame's prison." He lifted my hand to his mouth and kissed the back of it. "It is time we all look to the future." I gave a small nod as his gaze met mine. Releasing my hand, we walked together just beyond the lake of Cullen's memory. "Before I demand that you get some much needed rest, I must ask, why do you put off going to face your shadow?"

"She is why I am able to wield the armor," I stated, "If I remove her, will I not also lose the ability to use it?"

Purpose thought a moment. "I suppose that is true."

Prudence appeared, walking beside us. "It is," she nodded, "Without her, the requirements are no longer met."

"But did they not change or dissolve completely when she changed you all?" Purpose questioned, "When you made the armor recognize her as its bearer?"

Prudence shook her head, grey hair fluttering with the movement. "I am afraid not. I would have warned you when you entered the Fade outside the temple, but I did not need to."

"And then I realized when I tried to fight her in Shame's prison," I murmured, "When she took control, she broke away from me. I tried to summon the armor to subdue her, but couldn't. I just thank the Maker that neither could she. If she had…" I looked to Cullen sitting upon the dock, "…I would have lost him."

Purpose's hand squeezed my fingers, his eyes intense as I looked at him. "But you didn't, Meira. You protected him and used her to save him. He is safe and I vow to keep him that way. Just as I vow to protect you."

I gave him a soft smile. "Thank you."
Looking back to Cullen, seeing the glint of his coin as he turned it over in his hands. He looked so calm, so at peace, it was a balm to my scarred soul.
'I see you, Meira, scars and all and I could not love you more'.
 My stomach quivered at those words, at recalling the earnestness with which he said them.
Nor could I, you.
 As I watched, the water of his lake rippled, shining gold as if set aflame by a sunset. A wind rushed over it, tearing through Cullen's hair as he inhaled deeply, his mouth curling with a gentle smile. My cheeks heated with a blush before I looked back to Purpose who was studying me curiously.
"I should go."

"You should get some rest," he chided.

"I will," I agreed, "but there are some things I need to do first."

He quirked a brow. "To what end?"

"To make sure what happened to him…to us…never happens again," I stated.

"Meaning?" He probed.

I gave him a smirk as I stepped back into my body. "You'll see."

Blinking awake, I pushed myself up to find Solana carrying in a basin of water, fresh bandages and a healing salve. Cassandra stood guard just beside Cullen's door. Ellana sat in his large, leather armchair, chewing her nails.

Cassandra's shoulders dropped with relief. "Thank the Maker. Is…is he?"

I gave her a reassuring smile. "The danger is passed. The demon is no more."

"Praise Andraste," she breathed as she straightened. "I will see to his duties until he is recovered. I will be in his office should you have need of me." Her dark eyes flicked to Cullen before she left the room.

Ellana rose from her chair. "I would have given his responsibilities to you, given that you're the next highest ranking officer here, but Cassandra offered. I'm afraid I cannot stay either. I'll give you a day, Talitha, then I expect a full debriefing of everything that has occurred since I last saw you."

I nodded. "Thank you."

As she left, Solana stepped further into the room. Her coffee eyes met mine, embarrassment on her face. "I…apologies, Bethany is tied up in the infirmary and asked me to look in on him." She looked away, cheeks pinking.

"What is it, Sol?" I asked.

She looked to Cullen. "The others…told me what happened." Her eyes didn't leave him. "I…was wrong about him, wasn't I? Have been all this time?" She set the supplies down and clasped her hands before her. "He…he struggled so much he fell victim to a demon."

"Yes and no, Sol. He lost his way, but he's struggling to find it again. Struggling so much he called forth a demon of shame," I murmured as I nodded, "I…did not know such demons existed."

Pain flickered over her face, along with shame. "Nor I. Shame is…not often held on to by mortals. Not long enough to…shape a demon." Hesitantly, she came to his side and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Forgive me, Cullen."

I looked to the man I loved, lacing my fingers through his. His hand tightened a moment before relaxing again. "He would tell you there is nothing to forgive. He would say that you were right to feel as you did."

"And that makes it hurt all the more," she breathed, closing her eyes.

I chuckled. "You've no need to start acting like you like him, Solana. He'd probably prefer you stay…antagonistic towards him. It'll help keep him grounded."

She blinked at me in surprise before smiling. "What a relief. I don't think I could stomach being nice to him."

I laughed aloud. The sound so free to my own ears, I nearly cried. We were so close…so close to being free of it all. "I don't think he could either." She laughed before turning to the medicinal supplies, preparing to care for him. "Let me, Solana."

She looked to me, her lips twitching. "Well, you're more than welcome to, but just so you know, he's undressed…completely. The blood soaked through everything because of his armor. I was going to sponge bathe him again to get what remained."

My face seared with heat at her words. "O-Oh…"

"Maker, you two are adorable," she rolled her eyes, "He had the exact same look when I told him to keep you warm after Haven. Such a good Chantry boy, keeping his eyes well away from all the parts he's desperate to see."

I blushed deeper. "Solana!"

"Oh, come on, Meira!" She laughed. "You have to know how badly he wants you?"

My mind went to his passionate kiss in the Fade, when all his emotions towards me had made themselves known. When all his thoughts had been so loud and clear. I looked at his sleeping face. My cheeks were on fire, my stomach full of butterflies at recalling all that had been revealed. "I…do. I…don't understand it, but…I know."

"Meira," Solana said softly, "He loves you. Truly."

I looked away. "I know. But I can't help, but feel…self-conscious at the idea. My body is…by no means perfect."

"And?" Solana quirked a brow when I met her gaze.

"And I worry he'll be…disappointed," I admitted, chewing on my bottom lip.

"I can tell you with complete assurance, he won't be disappointed," she encouraged as she continued checking him over, "The way he looks at you. The way he talks about you. The way he loves you. You've nothing to fear and no reason to be ashamed." She cleared her throat. "That said, if you'd like, there are always…clothing options. There's a pretty little shop in Val Royeaux I could take you to sometime."

I kept chewing on my bottom lip, twisting my fingers as I allowed my mind to wander there. Thinking of the times we had been together in Desire's illusion, but knowing that was no comparison given that it wasn't real. I looked at Cullen, knowing when the time came, it would be the first time either of us were with someone we loved. "What was it like for you…the first time?"

"How do you know I've had my 'first time'?" Solana smirked at me, mischief in her gaze as she readjusted the covers over Cullen and checked his vitals.

I rolled my eyes. "It's not like you were discreet at the tower, Sol."

"Someone has certainly grown up. You were too embarrassed to ask me then." I gave her a half-hearted glare. She shrugged. "It was sloppy and awkward. No fireworks and definitely not what the books make it out to be. Magic makes it a little complicated too…I nearly lit the poor guy on fire."

My brow shot up. "What, really?"

She laughed merrily. "It's probably why I didn't get too many offers after that."

"Oh, Maker," I mumbled, looking to Cullen and then looking away in awkwardness, "What if…what if I do that to him?"

"I don't think you'll have to worry about that," Solana shook her head, "Besides the fact that he's a templar, you're…mature. You both are. We were young and dumb. It'll be about love and care for one another with you two. Not selfish pleasure seeking."

Doubt creeped into my heart. "What if…what if I don't enjoy it? Because of…everything?"

Solana placed a hand on my shoulder, willing me to look at her. There was understanding in her gaze. "Do you love him?"

"Yes."

"Do you want him?" My gaze flicked between her eyes. Heat was crawling down my neck. Her face softened as she realized that I was embarrassed to admit it. "It's alright to want him, Meira. It is nothing to be embarrassed about."

I leaned my cheek on the top of her hand, looking away as I whispered, "I do."

"Then be honest with him when the time comes," Solana advised. "It's okay to be scared. It's okay to tell him you're scared. I'm sure he will understand." I looked to her again. "What you went through is nothing like being intimate with someone you love. With Cullen…just know that when a man truly loves you…sex is so much more than physical."

"Speaking from experience?" I gave her a half-smile as I quirked a brow.

Her gaze did not leave mine. "Yes."

Curious, I raised my head. "Who was brave enough to steal your heart, Sol?"

She looked away from me. "A thief…and a liar. He stole it and then he broke it."

She took her hand from my shoulder, but I grabbed her wrist. "Who, Solana?" Tears shimmered in her gaze and I let go of her. For Solana to cry…I cursed the man who had hurt her. "I'm sorry."

"The saddest part of it all," she chuckled without humor, "is that I still love him."

"Do you…you know you can talk to me?" I offered.

"I know, but this…him…I'm just not ready, yet," Solana admitted. She leaned away from me and turned to the supplies that she had brought. Checking it over briefly before heading for Cullen's door. "You're welcome to care for him. I'll speak with the cook about food that will be easy for him to ingest, but help put some weight back on him. Also, there's a stack of reports from Barris and I about the battalion's…performance after you left for the temple."

"Solana," I began, but she put a hand up.

A gentle smile broke out on her lips. "I do not regret loving him. I just wish…he'd loved me more." Her eyes drifted to Cullen. "Had loved me like Cullen loves you." She turned, a hand on the door, but turned back, mischief in her eyes. "Try not to take advantage of our Commandr, as much as I know you want to peek." Her lips twisted into a feline smile as she opened the door. "Rest assured, Meira, you won't be disappointed in him. I think he'll please you very well, you lucky git."

Eyes widening and heat searing through me at her implication, my mouth fell open. "Solana!"

She cackled madly as she strode out the door, closing it behind her with a wink. Cheeks still burning, I looked at Cullen. A soft smile tugged my mouth. I was lucky, of that, I had no doubt. To be loved so fiercely…
I leaned over him, brushing his hair back before pressing my lips to his forehead. He was so thin and exhausted, I felt remorse at not being here to care for him. While he recovered, I vowed to do my utmost to make up for it. I collected the medicinal supplies Solana had brought.
Hesitantly, I peeled back the covers, ensuring he remained beneath them from his hips to his feet. I rolled him to his side and unbound his bandages. Shame had opened the scars upon his back. I knew I could remove them, being able to heal them with magic, but I doubted that he would want me to. For though I was glad to be free of Alrik's mark on one hand, on the other it had erased some of what had happened to me and I was unsure how I felt about it.
'I earned my scars'. So, instead, I cleaned them thoroughly before healing them just enough with my magic. The scars would remain, though they would be less garish than before. I rubbed the healing salve into his skin, trying not to marvel at the powerful muscles beneath my hands. Rebinding the wounds, I eased him onto his back.
He was still deep in sleep, and I prayed he was having good dreams instead of nightmares. Tentatively, I ran my fingers over the planes of his face, memorizing them. Desire had not done him justice, for there was something beautiful about his imperfections that an illusion could not capture. I pulled the covers back over him before burying my face in the crook of his neck.

My lips against his strong pulse, I murmured, "You are my one love."

His arms came to wrap around me, though still heavy with sleep. His voice thick with it as well, but he roused enough to say, "And you are mine."

I shot up, heart skipping with the hope that he would be awake, but I found him fast asleep still.

"You're a dreamer, Meira," Purpose spoke, "You may not have meant to, but he heard you in the Fade."

Caressing his face a final time, asking Purpose to alert me if anything changed, I left his room. Climbing the stairs to my own chambers, I entered the garderobe. Looking in the mirror, I beheld the shift in my eyes for the first time. They truly did shine, like liquid stars, burning.
I leaned towards the glass. I hardly recognized myself. I'd lost weight in the months of travel, my features much more sharp. My normally olive skin had darkened, the white-blonde wig bleached to a moon-white.
I stripped off the worn and dirty travel clothes, to find my body toned, muscles bulked and defined. Half of my body was littered with scars, the other pristine skin. Carefully, I removed the wig, using magic to clean it before brushing it out. Unpinning my natural ebony curls, I combed them out with my fingers.
Turning to the stone tub, I summoned ice to fill it. Calling forth Ardor's piece of the armor, I used it to melt the ice and heat the water before slipping in and enjoying a much needed bath. I scrubbed off the months of dirt, grime, dust and sand built up until I felt restored. Getting out, I set the water to boil until it evaporated while I stared down my generous wardrobe.
Letting out a breath, I was determined to start putting in effort when I dressed. I pulled on a sleeveless one-piece suit with wide legs that was made of chiffon and dyed a very pale purple. Belted it with a sash of deep purple silk. Overtop, I pulled on a velvet cape dyed a storm gray and trimmed in silver thread; the sleeves and hem dusted the floor. I slipped my feet into fur-lined flats embroidered with tiny crystals. Clasping a silver pendant with a single amethyst around my neck, I looked myself over.
Gone was the Tranquil brand, gone were the eyes I had shared with Ellana. I ran my fingers over the scars from where the stones had split my skin, faded as they were. My ebony curls had grown past my shoulder blades, now heavy because of their length. But instead of being ashamed of what stood in the mirror, I felt a spark of confidence.
The added length to my natural hair made it take longer to twist and pin the curls to keep them hidden beneath the wig. That done, I slid the wig back into place, the enchantments going to work as it met my skin. The white-blond waves tumbled over my shoulders and I decided to leave them down.
Dressed, I exited the garderobe and strode over to my desk. Clipping several sheets of parchment to a clipboard, I scratched out a few thoughts before I forgot them. Setting the ink, grabbing the reports Solana had mentioned, I left my rooms. Quietly, I opened Cullen's door to find him deep in sleep on his side, cuddling his pillow. I chuckled softly, a warmth in my chest at how young he looked when he slept.

"He is quiet behind the noise," Cole spoke as he appeared beside me, "The little bottle made his hand shake, but now he tests the chains."

"He can rest now," I nodded, "He'll still struggle, I can't take that away from him, but he knows he can be free. He will be free."

"Terror has me pinned to the floor. Every nightmare, every memory playing out before my eyes, running over my skin," Cole began to speak, "But I hear him wanting to protect me. The lion roars, mighty and powerful, shattering the cage and chains that held him. No longer cowed, but strong." Cole's watery eyes looked to me. "You let Shame win to give Cullen the chance to overcome his fears. To face his demons. To remind him why he needed to fight." He looked away. "I tried to help him, but it never worked."

I placed a hand on his arm, half-expecting for it to just fall through him, but was surprised to find it solid and warm. "Don't blame yourself. Cullen…Cullen's situation was difficult. Still is difficult. But you did help him." He met my eyes. "And he'll continue to need your help, Cole. He needs compassion."

"But what he needed more was hope," Cole murmured. "And purpose."

"The hope found in purpose to be more precise," I explained, "Cullen is a man of action. He cannot be without a purpose. For most of his life, that was to be a templar. When he walked away from the Order—though it was the right thing to do—he no longer knew who he was. Even acting as Commander, he was lost because he's never been his own man."

"Does he know now?"

"I helped him remember who he wants to be," I hugged myself, "Servant and protector. He must decide what that looks like and how to become him."

"So much pain, so much fear. All because they are taught to fear us, to distrust us, to remain distant from us," Cole paraphrased my thoughts, "You want to make sure no other templar makes his mistakes. You want to make the templars and mages finally work together."

"Yes," I pursed my lips, "They've been cordial in the battalion, but begrudgingly so. It is time we make templars and mages put aside the past and look to the future."

"Servant and protector," Cole hummed, "The mage serves the templar with their magic. The templar protects the mage."

"But more than that," I urged, "They need to be equals. The mage no less a protector and the templar no less a servant. Metal and magic wielded as one."

"I like the sound of that," Cole whispered, "And many of them will too."

"I certainly hope so," I let out a breath.

"Don't be afraid," Cole encouraged.

My lips twitched. "I'm more afraid that it will work a little too well."

Cole disappeared and I made my way down to the main hall. Catching one of the attendants, I asked them to bring food to the Commander's chambers for myself. Descending the stairs and exiting behind Ellana's throne, I paused at the amount of people within the main hall. Wanting to remain unbothered, I used Charity's piece of the armor to cloak myself with the Veil, essentially invisible.
I took purposeful strides to Cullen's office, careful not to bump into anyone. Crossing Solas's rotunda, I exited out to the bridge connecting Cullen's tower to the rest of the main castle. I paused a moment, noticing that two additional towers had been erected in our absence. Assuming they were more barracks for the soldiers, I continued on. I heard Cassandra on the other side, speaking agitatedly with someone.
I heard them exit the tower through one of the other doors and I made my way in, releasing the armor. I was taken aback by how meticulously the room was kept. Usually, it was somewhat messy; parchment, reports, books scattered around, but now, it was pristine. Not a thing out of place.

"He started doing that a few weeks after you'd left," Sela's voice spoke from behind me, causing me to turn. She had been silent as she entered behind me. "Bit by bit, his usual mess was replaced with this. I don't know if he's slept in the last few weeks. I found him awake at his desk nearly every morning—the same place I'd left him the night before." She walked to his desk, a stack of parchment in her hands. "At first, I thought he was just trying to be more organized, but I think…I think it was one of many tactics he used to keep from sleeping." Her eyes met mine. "I'm sorry. I should have realized…should have said something."

"He's safe now," I told her, "And getting some much needed rest."

"Good," she breathed out, her voice a little thick. "Seeker Cassandra told me she is taking over his duties for the time being, since Captain Rylen is stationed at Griffon Wing Keep and you'll be preoccupied with the Battalion." She set down the reports. "Most of this she can look over, but…" she rifled through the stack until she found what she was looking for, "This…maybe you can see to this? She'll get worried if she doesn't hear from him and send more. She knows something's wrong, she's been sending more and more lately. I'm not sure when last he responded to her."

"To whom?"

"His sister, Mia," Sela explained as she extended a letter to me.

I inclined my head as I took the letter from her. "I'll see what I can do."

"Were you looking for something in particular?" Sela questioned.

I looked up to his loft. "My…sketchbook. It wasn't amongst my things or in his chambers within the castle. I thought it might be in here."

She nodded. "I assume it's up there. Also," she reached for something in her pocket, "He'll need a new portrait of you."

She held up what I had drawn for him, the edge neatly torn, worn creases indicating that he had folded and unfolded it numerous times. The parchment was slightly crumpled, from keeping it in his pocket. But my face was now marred, the whole thing saturated with dried blood from the demon wounding him. Gently, I took it from her, running my fingers over the creases.

"He…missed you a great deal."

I met her gaze. "Thank you for looking after him, Sela."

A small smile twisted her mouth. "If only I had done more."

"Don't blame yourself," I shook my head, "What happened needed to happen. For both of us."

"I'm glad he has you in his life. The rest of us…he keeps at a distance."

I looked to his desk. "I pray that changes."

She nodded as she gave me a salute. "I'll leave you to it. Do what you can to get our Commander back to us."

"As soon as possible, Sela."

With that, she left. Shedding my cape onto his couch, I climbed the ladder to his loft. It was a mess. Clothes strewn everywhere, the bed as if he'd been in a wrestling match with his sheets, stubs of burnt down candles, books and papers on every surface. Taking some time to tidy it all up and dropping his soiled linens and garments down below, I found my sketchbook next to his bed.
It was earmarked where he had presumably stopped. It was a sketch I had made of him, as I remembered how he looked at Kinloch Hold, next to a sketch of him as he was now. Innocent and sweet in his youth, but full of radiant passion. Now, fearless and fierce, that passion having been burned out and reignited into a gentle flame. I wondered what he saw when he looked at it.
Tucking my sketchbook under my arm and grabbing his worn copy of the Chant, I climbed back down the ladder. Cloaking myself once more, I moved the soiled linens to outside his door before returning to his chambers within the main castle. I chuckled quietly to myself as I found him still deep asleep and cuddling his pillow. I admitted to some jealousy, wanting to be the pillow.
Instead, I walked over to his desk and unloaded everything from my arms. A knock at the door said one of Leliana's people had brought food. To my surprise, it was Leliana herself.

"I wanted to speak with you a moment," she stated as I let her in. She set the tray down upon the little table on Cullen's balcony before striding back into the room. The hood of her armor was down, her red hair swaying with her movements. "What occurred with the Commander, I would have the details kept private—for now."

"As would I," I nodded, "For Cullen's sake."

"For his and the Inquisition at large," she clasped her hands behind her back, "It would be quite the blow to morale."

"It will be no matter the reason given," I warned.

"True, but…I think his absence will prove an…awakening for many within the Inquisition," she turned to look at Cullen, "Though he does not realize it…though it took me time to realize it…Cullen is the backbone of the Inquisition now. Without him…I think we will see its organization and efficiency fall apart around us. Cassandra was the spine we needed to get it off the ground, but Cullen…Cullen has made it work like a well-oiled machine."

"And what does that have to do with not giving full disclosure as to his absence?"

Her eyes met mine. "I want our people to know how greatly he has struggled for them, but not all he has been struggling against."

"So, you want to use his…hardship to the Inquisition's advantage?"

"There's no need to give any details," she assured, "I'll leave it to Varric to spin a tale. Instead, it will be enough for the people to know how hard he has been working. The soldiers know, but the rest of us…" She made to leave the room, "This is my way of apologizing, Talitha, allow me it."

Without waiting for a reply, she left. Somewhat bewildered, I grabbed the letter from Mia and went out to the balcony to read it while I ate. At the first bite, I realized I was starving. Practically inhaling my food, I read over his sister's words.

Cullen,

Please…please, don't push us away again. I know you're busy with the Inquisition, I won't deny that, but…something is wrong. Just send me a few words…anything.

Mia

The amount of pain and love in those words broke my heart. Cleaning my hands and grabbing the cup of black coffee, I returned to his desk. Sitting down, dipping his well kept quill in ink, I looked to Cullen's back.
Would he want me to write her?
Shaking my head, I set aside my doubt. He'd been injured, for all intents and purposes, and his family deserved to know. At the idea, I wrote as Ellana.

To Mia Rutherford,

I regret to inform you that your brother was injured in the line of duty on behalf of the Inquisition. He is expected to make a full recovery, but at present he is unable to see to his duties—including personal correspondence. It is unknown how long this recovery is expected to take, but we anticipate that it will not be long. For further inquiries, please forward your correspondence to Seeker Cassandra Pentaghast who will be assuming his duties until he recovers.

On behalf of Commander Cullen Rutherford,

Inquisitor Ellana Lavellan

That done, I sealed the letter and flagged down an attendant to have it mailed via one of Leliana's birds so that it would reach his family quickly. With as much gentleness as I could, I sat Cullen up and went about feeding him the stew Solana had requested for him. Though he was sleeping, he allowed me to spoon feed him. Watching the apple of his throat bob, his lips parting, I resisted the urge to kiss his sleepy mouth.
Instead, I laid him down and checked his wounds, to find them fully healed. With our resources having increased, our medicinal quality had greatly improved. Undoing his bandages, throwing them into the hearth of his fireplace, I grabbed the basin off his chest of drawers. Using Ardor's piece of the armor, I warmed the water. Grabbing a cloth off the lip of his washtub, I went about sponge bathing him. Despite the weight he had lost, his body was still powerful beneath my hands. My mouth went a little dry as I ran the washcloth over his muscles, but I forced myself to focus on my task.
First, cleaning his face and neck. One arm, then the other. His torso and back. Keeping his sheet covering him, one leg and then the other. Finishing with his feet. The blood truly had gone everywhere, as there had been remnants of it all over him. That done, I grabbed a set of his nightclothes and a pair of his linen shorts he wore for smalls from the chest of drawers.
My cheeks began to burn as I slid the shirt over his head, pulling his powerful arms through the sleeves. Tying up the laces at the front, I swallowed thickly as my knuckles brushed his thewy torso. Heart racing in my chest, keeping him covered, I shimmied his smalls onto him. I tried not to ogle at his hewn legs as I worked his breeches up them. Fed, bathed and dressed, I eased him onto his other side.
Sitting beside him, I ran my fingers through his hair before brushing my lips against his temple. Making to stand, I let out a gasp as his unyielding arms caught me around the waist and pulled me back against him. Tucking me into his chest, his burly body curled around me. My face felt like it was going to melt off as he pressed me into him, until I was molded to him. His lips brushing the sensitive skin beneath my earlobe, gooseflesh erupted across my skin.

"Meira," he groaned, his grip becoming inexorable as his hands began to drift along my body.

"Flames," I swore, my whole body searingly hot as I desperately tried to squirm away. It seemed his nightmares had indeed left him for the time being. He moved against me and fire pooled in my belly. I caught his hands before they landed upon more intimate places and tried to push away from him. "Cullen," I gasped out. He made a noise in his throat that made me shiver. "Cullen!" I panted out, pouring a little of my magic into it to awaken him.

He roused a little, his hold loosening and I scrambled out. Panting in breaths, willing my heart to stop thundering against my ribs, his hand sleepily searched for me on the bed. Cautiously, I pushed his pillow to him.
Flustered as my whole being was hot with tangled up feelings, I watched as he tucked the pillow against him as he had me. Thankfully, he slipped further into sleep, stilling, before I had to leave the room to give he and the pillow some privacy. Laughing nervously at the thought, I placed myself in a safer spot at his desk and went to work reading the reports.
I sobered up quickly as I realized things with the battalion had not gone smoothly after my departure. It had started out well, but quickly deteriorated into the old prejudices as time continued on. The groups separated at every opportunity into mages and templars, only coming together for battles and most of them had barely been a victory because they were unwilling to truly trust each other.
I sobered up more when I read about what had happened shortly before my return. An abomination in Skyhold. The mages we'd helped on the Plains, with the help of a mage Cullen had brought from South Reach, had broken into the dungeons and slaughtered the Red Templars. Karras in particular had been brutally murdered. As they tried to flee, the templars had intercepted them and in an attempt to help her cohorts escape, one of them—a mage named Ella—had given in to possession, becoming an abomination. Cullen, according to the report, had frozen before it.
Believing what I intended to do was more right than ever, I savored the last few hours of uninterrupted time caring for Cullen. I hoped he would awaken, missing him all the more now that we were so near each other, but knew given all that he had gone through and all he struggled with, he needed as much sleep as he would allow himself. Pulling his armchair next to the bed, I read to him from his copy of the Chant.
Waking, having fallen asleep as I'd been reading to him, I found him still deep in dreams. Feeding him once more, pressing a kiss to the scar on his lip, I went to my rooms and changed into a cotton shirt with a low scooped neckline. The sleeves were cuffed at my wrists, but open to the shoulders, matching thread embroidered along the openings to look like vining leaves. I tucked the shirt into leather leggings before pulling on thigh-high leather boots. Gathering the wig into its usual bun, I gathered up the various notes I had written down and sketches I had made before descending the stairs. Entering the main hall, numerous people still around, I made for Josephine's office.

"Hey, Iris," Varric's gravelly voice called as I worked my way through the throngs of people milling about in the great hall.

"Hello, Varric," I greeted.

"I heard what happened to Curly. Don't worry, I've already been told to keep the details to myself. I just want to know that he's alright?" There was genuine concern on his face.

"He is now," I assured, "Just needs rest."

Varric chuckled. "If anyone's earned it, it's him." He looked me over. "What about you? The kid said you were…something. Hard for me to understand, but got the gist of it."

"I learned what I needed to at the temple," I murmured, "Let's leave it at that for now."

"Fair enough," he shrugged, "but I do hope you'll regale us with your adventure."

I flashed a smile. "When I'm ready, you'll be the first to know."

His eyes sparkled with mischief. "Looking forward to it."

I found Ellana sitting across from Josephine, the two talking animatedly. At my entrance, they stopped speaking. Ellana slowly rose from her chair and came to stand before me. For a moment, we merely looked at each other. She noticing all that had changed about me, just as I did of her.
She wore a white silk tunic, that was laced at her neck and cut to fall between her thighs to her knees in the front and the back. The long, voluminous sleeves were cuffed with gloves made of leather and tightened by laces. The leather was embossed with designs that mimicked her vallaslin. A sash of golden cloth cinched her waist. Beneath the tunic she wore dark leather leggings, with strips of leather braided from below her knees to wrap around her partially exposed feet. Overtop she wore a cape of gold velvet, beaded with crystals and gold thread so that when she moved, it looked to be made of liquid sunlight. Over her heart, the cape was clasped by a large circular broach crafted to be the symbol of the Inquisition.
No longer were her eyes our jade either, but they had become far more green—the green of the Anchor—and they burned with the same magic. Her skin had tanned, her white vallaslin of Mythal starkly contrasted. She'd lost weight as well on the rationed diet required of hard travel, but instead of looking out of place, it merely offered her countenance even more fierceness and intimidation. Neither unwelcome when you were the head of a military organization and your title, Inquisitor.

"Inquisitor," I saluted.

"Lieutenant-Commander, I trust all is well?" She nodded.

"The danger has passed," I assured.

"Very good," she gestured for me to take the seat next to her's at Josephine's desk, "We were just discussing Halamshiral."

"I beg your pardon, Inquisitor," I stated, causing her to turn back to me, "but if I may, I would like to discuss something of equal importance."

Ellana raised a brow. "'Equal importance'? What could be equal to the possible fate of Thedas as our Ambassador ceaselessly reminds me this ball could be?"

She was both teasing and serious in her tone. I met her gaze, my own hard. "That which caused the Inquisition to be a necessity. The divide between the Circle of Magi and Templar Order."

They both looked at me. Ellana speaking first. "Then I assume you've read the reports of the Battalion?" I nodded. "Very well, what would you like to discuss?"

"Not here, Inquisitor," I shook my head. "The War Room. I would have Ser Barris, Ser Trevelyan, Ser Amell, Ser Lavellan, Ser Adaar, Ser Heeley, Grand Enchanter Fiona and Helisma Derrington present."

A quizzical brow raised. "Now?"

"If you would allow it, yes," I nodded.

"Without Commander Rutherford?"

I shifted on my feet. "There is no time to waste. And given that the Battalion was put under my authority, I do not believe his presence necessary at this point."

"And why is that?" Ellana questioned.

"Because his duty is to the Inquisition," I explained, "Mine is to the Battalion."

Ellana's chin raised and her eyes narrowed. "Your duty is to the Inquisition as well, Lieutenant-Commander."

"And by seeing to the Battalion, I am fulfilling that duty," I challenged.

Ellana was quiet a moment, her perusal penetrating. After a few heartbeats, she relented. "Very well." She turned to Josephine. "We will need Cullen's input on Halamshiral. Our discussion can wait until he recovers."

"But, Inquisitor," Josephine began, but Ellana put a hand up.

"Talitha is right, the Mage-Templar War is the reason all of this began," Ellana clasped her hands behind her back, "They have been all but forgotten in the wake of Corypheus. Understandable, but I have failed in my duty as Inquisitor by not seeing to them. We vowed to restore order. The Inquisition was founded for that and to challenge the Chantry's tenets, not a darkspawn of legend. We have some time before the ball, and nothing can be done before then aside from preparations. Preparations that cannot be completed without our Commander. This can be seen to now."

Josephine was irritated, but understood. "As you say, Inquisitor."

Ellana looked to Josephine's legate. "Send word to Ser Barris, Ser Trevelyan, Ser Amell, Ser Adaar, Ser Lavellan, Ser Heeley, Grand Enchanter Fiona and Head Researcher Helisma Derrington. They are requested in the War Room on behalf of Lieutenant-Commander Talitha."

"Yes, Your Worship," the legate bowed before leaving.

"Lead the way," Ellana gestured to the War Room.

Leaving Josephine's office, we entered the hallway. Our footsteps on the stone floor the only noise as we walked side by side. One of the guards opened the wicket for us. Once inside, the door closed, Ellana wrapped me in a hug.

"How are you? Really?" She murmured.

I squeezed my arms around her. "Recovering."

Pulling away, but keeping her hands on my shoulders, there were tears in her eyes. "Your eyes…they've changed."

"So have yours," I stated.

She pulled the glove off her marked hand. The light of the Anchor dancing across her face, making her look far older than she was as shadows pulled on her features. "It's the Anchor. The more I use it, the more I feel it worming its way into my being. Sealing the rifts, using its built up power to tear open the Veil to defeat enemies…it's affecting me."

"Solas told me the change in my eye color relates to my magic fully manifesting," I explained, "Perhaps the same is happening to you with the Anchor?"

She shrugged. "It would make sense."

"Are you in pain?" I asked.

She looked away. "Some."

"Ellana," I scolded.

"Yes," she grimaced. "It hurts to use it."

"I'm sorry," I offered.

She shrugged. "As long as it continues to be helpful, I will endure it."

"Have you tried anything? Has anything helped?"

She shook her head. "Only by dulling it. Nothing takes it away completely."

I took her marked hand, looking at the strange light. I could feel the Fade-born magic within it more clearly now, it somehow familiar, though I could not put my finger on why. Beyond it, I could sense Ellana's pain, fear, doubt, and the heavy burden upon her shoulders. There was so much she was not telling me, but just like Cullen, I knew she had her reasons. "I will think on it. Perhaps there is something we're missing."

She nodded, but gave no reply. Her eyes met mine once more. "What happened at the temple?"

"More than I was prepared for," I admitted, "But what needed to happen."

"Is it the reason for your insubordination earlier?" She teased.

I chuckled. "Partially. Cullen more so."

"What are you planning?" Ellana probed.

"A possible end to this war," I offered.

"Meaning?"

"Meaning I want the Templar Order reformed to include mages amongst its ranks."

Her brows rose. "And you believe Barris will agree to this? That Cullen will agree to this?"

I shook my head. "Cullen perhaps, but the other templars, no."

"Then—"

"—That is the end goal. For now, I am laying the foundation." I looked to the wicket door. "It is time we walk in each other's shoes."

Ellana seemed to mull it over. "I will follow your lead."

"Thank you," I gave her a small smile as the wicket door opened.

Delrin and Henry entered first, their brows knitted with curiosity as their templar armor gleamed. Both gave me a salute before I gestured for them to take a spot near the War Table. Laren entered after them, her eyes falling to me before quickly looking away. Asaala and Amelia entered together, laughing. All three of them looked to be fresh out of the training ring, splattered in mud and flushed.
Fiona was next, in simple robes, using her staff as a walking stick. Helisma was quiet as she entered the room, still in Circle robes, her Tranquil brand angry upon her forehead. Last to join us was Solana. She'd changed out of her simple healer's frock into her usual leather leggings, knitted sweater and fur-lined slippers. In a subtle show of nervousness, she flicked her long, blond braid over her shoulder before straightening her posture to take her place at my side.

"Thank you all for coming," I nodded to each of them once we were all settled. Doubt tried to creep up my throat, but I pushed it away. This is the right thing to do. "I've called you all here today to discuss the future of the Battalion…and to some degree the Circle of Magi and Templar Order."

"Before we get to that, Lieutenant-Commander," Solana interrupted, "Since we are all thinking it, may I ask what happened to your eyes? And how you suddenly appeared in the upper bailey?"

"Because of this," I said as I summoned the armor upon me. I watched as they looked on in astonishment. The armor grew upon my skin, materializing from the Fade. I wore all but the helmet, the weight of the power held in the armor heavy. At my request, Prudence, Intent, Joy, Charity, Ardor, Perseverance and Serenity appeared in the room. "And them."

"Maker's breath!" Barris gasped as his hand went for his sword. "Demons?"

"What is the meaning of this, Lieutenant-Commander?" Henry demanded, his hand also on his sword.

I put a hand up. "They are not demons and I would prefer if you removed your hands from your swords. These spirits are here at my request. They are tied to the armor."

"They are not merely spirits, Lieutenant-Commander," Fiona murmured, "I sense more to them than that."

"Fair enough," I inclined my head, "But for the sake of simplicity, they are spirits far more than they are demons. I am able to help them be what they are because of my powers as a Dreamer." I gestured to the spirits, all incorporeal. "It is through them and the armor that I was able to step through the Fade from Solasan back to Skyhold."

"But why did you return?" Henry asked.

"At the behest of Cole," I replied, vaguely.

"Where is Commander Cullen?" Barris asked. "Should he not be present for this conversation?"

I met each of their gazes. "The Commander is indisposed for the time being. I am the Battalion's leader. Its direction and training fall under me. And because I have the authority to do so, I am suggesting radical change for the Battalion, the Order and the remnants of the Circle within the walls of the Inquisition.
"The mixed groups were a start, but from Barris's and Solana's reports of the battalion's miserable performance, from what happened with the abomination here in Skyhold, it is not enough. For this divide between the mages and templars to truly end, we must find a way to work together, but moreover to trust each other."

"And how are we to do that when the leader of said battalion is utilizing demons?" Barris demanded, his green eyes burning as his gaze narrowed. "How do we know that you are not an abomination?"

"Are all you templars so stubborn?" Purpose's voice spoke as he materialized beside me. Not incorporeal, but solid, his face the spitting image of Cullen's.

"Andraste preserve me," Henry breathed, his sapphire eyes wide with bewilderment, "What in Thedas is going on here?"

Purpose crossed his arms over his chest. "Yes, I look like your Commander. No, I am not him. No, I am not a demon. I am a spirit of Purpose. Made so by your Lieutenant-Commander. Just as all the others were made their benevolent counterparts by your Lieutenant-Commander. I gave part of my essence to her in order that she would live. None of us possess her, none of us control her. We are here because she asked us to be here. No summoning. No blood magic. No possession."

"Only demons wish to cross the Veil," Barris argued.

"And it is your reaction, your words, your lack of trust in me, that demands I take action," I stated, "No matter your cordiality with the mages, at the heart of the Order—of the Chantry—is the belief that mages and magic are inherently evil. That the Fade is inherently evil. That we must be judged guilty because we committed the unforgivable sin of being born with magic." Solana looked at me in surprise in my peripheral vision.

"You're beginning to sound like the rebel mages," Henry warned.

I shook my head. "No. I know the necessity of the templars. The good they can do. I do not wish to abolish the Order and I am not trying to paint it as the villain. You cannot help what you were taught to believe…conditioned to believe. Forced to act upon through the compulsion of lyrium chaining you to the Chantry and the Order."

"It's about time someone said it," Solana mumbled, crossing her arms over her chest.

"That said, we mages are no less at fault for reinforcing what you are taught," I added, earning a glare from Solana, "Some of us do use our powers for ill. Some of us do give in to demons." I took a deep breath. "I am guilty of the latter and it is only through the Maker's providence that I was not possessed."

"So, what are you trying to say, Talitha?" Solana inquired.

"Though some mages use their magic for ill, most of us do not. Though it is not for lack of opportunity. Our lives are fraught with danger at a near constant rate. We must resist temptation from demons nearly every night, sometimes throughout our every waking moment. Every minute of every day, we must fight to keep our magic in our control." I willed the armor away, but the spirits remained. "Within the Circle, we are continually watched—not for our safety, but because we are assumed a threat. Outside the Circle, we are hated because the world at large is taught to fear us. We are the enemy simply because we were unfortunate enough to be born with magic. We are born monsters in the eyes of the Order and the Chantry. So for some, monsters we become because why would we fight against what the world teaches us to believe we are?"

"What would you propose?" Fiona questioned.

"For the mages to be trained and educated as the templars are," I began, "and the templars to be trained and educated as the mages are. But before that, I want every mage and every templar within the Battalion paired together. You will do everything together: eat together, train together, share bunks in the barracks. Each pairing will be put through trust building exercises. Each larger unit put through team building exercises.
"For too long have we lived together, but been kept apart, forbidden from fraternizing, never fostering understanding of the other. Trust cannot be established when we are alienated against one another. We have to root out our prejudices. It is only then that we can come to truly value one another."

"Count me in," Asaala shrugged.

"Aye," Amelia nodded furiously.

"And me," Laren saluted.

"And we mages who are not a part of the Battalion?" Fiona questioned.

"I want the youth to be educated like templars before they take their final vows. Ser will see to it. And you mages will be the ones to teach the templars what we mages are taught about magic, the Veil, the Fade and its denizens." I gestured to the spirits. "They will assist you."

"No," Barris shook his head.

I met his gaze, my own unyielding. The temperature in the room dipped, the lights dimming. "I was not asking for your permission."

"And how is education supposed to rid us of our prejudices?" Solana growled, "A templar will never know the struggles we go through. Will never be able to understand. Being taught what we are taught does not make them experts."

"And a mage will never understand what it is to face an abomination," Henry argued, "to cut down someone you had once watched over. Will never understand the sacrifices we make. The toll lyrium takes upon our bodies."

"True," I inclined my head, "but we have to start somewhere. So, why not at the foundation? What better way to begin understanding each other than to learn about each other? To walk in each other's footsteps?"

"You know I trust you, but I do not think this will change anything," Solana shook her head, "Even working together as a team, we fell into the old divides out on the field. Why can't we just be our own units? Mages one unit, templars the other?"

I pinned her down with a look, the temperature dropping further as the flames of the candles guttered. "This is not a request nor a debate. It is an order."

"Lieutenant-Com—" Barris began, his tone argumentative.

"Enough!" I commanded. "The Battalion, the mages, Maker, even the templars are subject to the Inquisition. The Order and the mages are only here because we rescued you and permitted you to join us as allies. But you did so under the agreement that you answered to the Inquisition."

"You are not the Inquisitor," Barris argued.

"No," Ellana agreed, "but as I am the Inquisitor, I sanction what the Lieutenant-Commander is trying to do."

"Barris and Amell, you are to be a pair," I looked to the others, "The rest of you, gather the Battalion and pair up. Meet me in the training ring in one hour."

"But—" Solana made to argue again.

"The details of the future will be worked out after this training exercise," I said to the others. My eyes looked to Barris and Solana, "You have taken my patience and willingness to operate via democracy as a sign of weakness. I value the input of others, but you both are under my authority and have balked at it enough. The Battalion fell apart out on the field without my supervision because you two allowed it." Both averted their gaze at that. "I expected more of the both of you, but alas, like children, I must discipline the battalion as a whole." The spirits disappeared. "Therefore, you will be a pair until you get it through your thick skulls what I am trying to do. We will reconvene once this training exercise is concluded."

Not waiting for the others to respond, I left the room. I checked on Cullen before I made my way to the training ring, a mass of people following whispering about me taking the Battalion to task. Vaulting myself over the fence, I stood within the center of the ring and awaited Barris, Solana and the rest of the Battalion.

"Barris and Amell, you first," I ordered. The two entered together, dressed in armor. They stood far apart, Solana coating herself in flames while Barris drew his sword and shield. "The rules are simple," I began, my armor beginning to crawl up my skin, "I will either attack the mage or the templar. Whomever my target, whom I will announce, they are allowed to fight back. The other is to act as their support, they are not allowed to use their abilities—wether mana or lyrium enabled—on me."

"You attack me, I attack you while Barris defends me," Solana clarified, "You attack Barris, he attacks you while I protect him."

"Yes," I nodded.

"Let's see how powerful our Lieutenant-Commander really is," Solana challenged, hinting at my record of losses against her from when we lived together at the tower, as she conjured her sword flames.

Saying nothing, I bared my teeth, conjuring my blades of biting shadow.

I am not the same elf who left you in the Plains, Solana. I am the Lieutenant-Commander of the Reformed Battalion. Tamer of Demons. Aide to Spirits. Fadewalker. Bearer of the Armor of Dreams.

Andrastian. Mage. Survivor. Sister. Lover.

I have not walked through the Abyss itself to be cowed by a tired war and those who would continue to fight it.

It ends with us.

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