Author's Note: Hey there sorry for the wait, once again more real life stuff going on, but at least we managed to get it done a lot sooner than before. Well here's the next chapter Glazier Blue and I hope you like it. Enjoy.

Chapter 21: Splintered

*Knock* *Knock*

"Master Splinter?" Tray of food in hand, Leo called into his father's room. Once again there was no reply… in fact the knock seemed to echo. He frowned, but it had been like this many times previous. He allowed a few more moments before entering, performing the same song and dance over and over again just in case Splinter needed a moment to compose himself first. He wanted to be respectful, but after waiting a little longer without a sound, Leo decided that was enough and slid the door open. What waited for him this time was just a dark abyss, as not a single candle was lit…again. "Sensei….I brought you breakfast…"

Nothing but silence greeted him, making the blue clad turtle sigh.

"D-Don is doing well… he seems to be coming around… He's in the kitchen having breakfast with us," Leo nervously ranted, hopeful that he could somehow speed up the recovery process. There had to be an end in sight of this world of discomfort they were all living in. Leo also figured that Splinter must be anxious to know what was going on, right? "He looks better…and…well…I was hoping you could come and join us…that is if you wanted too?"

But still only silence filled the eerie room…Ok this wasn't normal… His sensei would at least have acknowledged him. Whether it was from the earlier attack, the darkness of the room sparked an unwanted twinge of fear. He squinted trying to pick out the shape of a large rat standing somewhere in the room, but there was none. What if something was wrong? what if … what Splinter had done something stupid- no! Never! Not Splinter. He couldn't even fathom that. All the same Leo was overcome with an urge to have the lights on.

Worry taking over, Leo quickly moved over to the wall searching for the hardly ever used light switch. "S-Sensei, forgive me but I just need to see you." Silently praying he wouldn't see anything that would scar him for life, he flicked the switch. The room was illuminated with light, and a quick scan also illuminated some new panic!

The room was empty!

"Master Splinter?" His nerves subsided for his overactive imagination, but new concern ignited. Scanning the room, he couldn't see any sign of his rat master…that is until his eyes found the table in the center of the room. There laid abandoned was his shell cell on top of a piece of paper. Original worry returning… His gut already telling him what was written. With a shaky hand, the turtle reached, scanning the black ink littering the parchment. Every simple brush stroke was definitely his father's style of writing, and yet as he read the contents, didn't sound like him at all, "No…N-No…"

Dropping the tray of food as he ran out the room.

My sons…

I should have spoken to you all face to face instead of taking the coward's way out, but I honestly did not wish to inflict any more stress upon any of you, especially Donatello. I know you would only try and stop me, but this is what is best for everyone, at least for now.

I cannot describe the gratitude I felt when the three of you just forgave me for the cruel acts I was forced to inflict. I still see all your blood on my hands, and when I saw the look of despair in Donatello's eyes, he was only reflecting the justified betrayal I know that is still in all your hearts. There is great deal of trust that needs rebuilding, and I will do whatever it takes to achieve that… Even if that means letting you all go.

That fear must be completely extinguished before we can move on, but only the four of you can unanimously decide that, and it must be done without my influence. I truly do not know if I can ever forgive myself, but it is your true forgiveness we need to heal our family. Even if that means we can no longer be together, we can only make the journey of recovery together.

Either way I shall be watching over all of you. I will not abandon you. You will all be safe!

By the time you read this I will be long gone. Please, do not try and come after for me. I will not make you choose between me and Donatello's healing. I only hope you all can truly forgive me for the pain I have put you all through…especially Donatello. I hope to have the opportunity to earn your trust one day.

Please look after yourselves. Things will be hard in the coming days. Just know that I love you all.

-Sincerely Splinter…

The expressions of shock soon became laced with so many other emotions as they each digested the words. Every bit of it was a stabbed like a knife because most of it they knew to be true, though they didn't want it to be. Leo wore a disheartened expression, Mikey looked like he was about to cry, Raph's teeth were gritted, and fist clenched, while Don felt sorrow…but that was outweighed by the guilt. Guilt caused by the unwanted relief.

"H-He just left?!" Raph been the first to break the dreadful ice filling the room. "Splinter… acting like, me! No this isn't right… on so many levels."

"He can't be thinking straight. How out of all of us could he think this would be better?" Mikey muttered. He had only just started to see a light at the end of the tunnel. "We forgave him for what he did, but…but…"

"It doesn't matter that we forgave him. He believes it wasn't true, he hasn't forgiven himself… so he put the ball in our court," Leo rubbing his tired eyes with a heavy sigh. As much as he didn't want to say it, Splinter could see through them all like glass.

Donnie was the only one to voice the unwanted thoughts they had all been trying so hard to buried, "Is Splinter really wrong?" They all looked at him. "Can all this really and truly just be forgiven and forgotten? Are you absolutely not afraid of him anymore despite all the facts?" or am I really the only one? "Because if you can all say yes, then you should go after him."

All had expression torn between sympathy, denial but determined. Donnie didn't see that however, as he couldn't bring himself to meet their eyes …

More guilt swelled as he knew this was all his fault and yet none of them could bring themselves to answer him. Not truthfully.

"It… it's not that simple Don," Leo said quietly.

"Which part?"

"… All of it!" This wasn't the time to go into this, but Leo would make damn sure he would later. This question had to be address.

Mental note: Book Donnie in for a very long Leo pep talk later.

Donnie sigh seeing the words in his Leaders expression. Good job he had no other plans today. Sitting back, he accepted his fate. There was nothing useful he could add to this dilemma, more than anything Donnie wanted his father back… His father! But he hadn't seen him. Not yet… Would he ever again? He wished he could just make these feeling go away. To just blame it all on the Rat King, but like it or not, their connection had been broken. Worse, now he knew about the assault on his brothers. His creative imagination could fill in the blanks between their injuries and the broken furniture around them.

Raph meanwhile had worked hard to push all his unwanted feeling down. Splinter couldn't expect them to just get better if he wasn't even here, "We have to find him!" Raph stood up like he was ready to go this moment.

"Raph the message said for us not to go find him," Leo also chocking on the bitter words.

"So? When have that ever stopped us?!" Raph rhetorically scoffed. "When he went to the Battle Nexus, we found him and that was in another dimension?!"

"Because this time he doesn't want to be found!" Leo argued. "Father knows us well enough to go somewhere we couldn't find him. He's thinks he's doing what is best for us."

"Well, he is wrong! He can't just up and leave, not after all the progress we have made…" He looked at Donnie. "This is just like losing him all over again." Mikey surprisingly taking Raph's side. Something they rarely saw considering their unusual relationship.

"I know guys…I know," Leo keeping his voice controlled. Part of him wanting nothing more than to storm out and find their father and bring him back. Throwing himself at his feet and begging him to return… But he knew why he had left. The fact that they couldn't answer Donnie just proved that. But they could deal with that later. They just had to bring Splinter home, but he had left his Shell cell and tracker here… maybe there was another way?

Don remained quiet listening to them argue. Slowly his mind blocking the sounds out, becoming unintelligible. They all knew where he stood on this. He had too many issues still clouding his judgment. He needed time to think. Let Mikey words sink in, as he hated himself for thinking it, but now Splinter was gone, it felt like a pressure had been lifted. He could now have room to breathe without the reminder.

"He has asked us not to find him… we should respect his wishes… But not forever!" Leo added quickly as two were about to jump down his throat. "This is just temporary… He said he would be watching over us, maybe from the Spirit plane? He will be back, I know it. We just have to do this more slowly, and not force it." The leader reassured.

"Did that note really sound like he was coming back?" Raph sneered. "It not exactly reading between the lines fearless, its right there in black and white. He is NOT coming back, unless we want him too." Mikey nodding in agreement. "We have to ask him to come back." He glanced at Donatello with a sympathetic look before continuing. He didn't want to blame his smart brother, but Donnie knew he did anyway. "So, I am going ask – no, beg him to come back, if that's what it takes."

And there it was, his brothers were torn right down the middle, because of him, and it made Donnie feel sick.

"Splinter is the master of living in the shadows. You just going to run around all over New York and just hope the ninja master who doesn't even leave footprints in snow, will just slip up?" Leo reluctantly standing his ground. "We should at least give him space for right now, at least in the real world. I have an idea." Leo knowing, he had to play this carefully.

"What? You seriously have a better idea?" Raph growled in warning.

"Yes… Let me try contact in on astral plane? It worked before. It's the next best thing to calling him on the shell cell, at least I can find out if he is safe?"

"You really think that will work?" Mikey asked with a hint of hope.

"It has a better chance of working than searching high and low of the city."

Raph didn't respond, just scoff before turning away with his arms folded. Leo took that as him agreeing in his own Raph-like way. He sighed before looking at Don who was still hunched over. His eyes fixed to the floor, trying to control his breathing. He looked terrible.

Leo had got so caught up in the panic of the new situation, he didn't think about how enduring this would be on a still fragile Donatello. He was just about to go over, but Mikey beat him to it. Placing a hand on his shoulder, whispering something in his ear Leo couldn't hear. Leo was happy Don was being taken care of, but he couldn't help feeling a little jealous of his orange clad brother. Mikey was without a doubt the one who could get Donnie through this, but that didn't mean he or Raph should just stay out of it. Every opportunity to be with his smart brother had been diverted.

Well, that wouldn't do!

But right now, he needed to find his father. With an even heavier heart, Leo made his way to the dojo. He sat down and folded his legs, assuming the lotus position. Resting his hands on his knees, closing his eyes and once again concentrated on his father's location, separating his spirit form his body. He felt himself grow lighter, as a sense of peace overcame him, and yet a hint of…dread?

When Leo opened his eyes again, he was still in the lair, only now it was completely empty. Even void of furniture, but with an orange hue all around him. The familiar tranquil sensation washed over him that was known as the astral plane. A place Leo always frequented whenever he meditated, as he could always find serenity here… But this time was different. If he had hairs on the back of his neck, they would be rising by the cold chill running passed him. This was new, and not in a good way, as his sense of serenity never arrived. Exhaling the breaths Leo rose to his feet and proceeded to search the lair for the other he knew was here. At least there was no web this time.

As though something just grabbed him, he did a full one-eighty and was greeted with something unpleasant "What in the shell!" softly left his mouth as some kind of…some kind of…black void evolved before him. It was hard to describe… almost like some kind of black mist was polluting the peaceful orange of the astral plane. Like a storm cloud was invading the area. The same sense of dread he had been feeling radiated from it.

It was a storm of various negative emotions!

Common sense told him that he didn't want to go in there. In fact, it was safer to run the other way as it caused another shiver to run down his shell. But unsurprisingly he knew his search lay at the center of the growing mass.

"Leonardo," Splinter voice made the teen to jump.

"Master Splinter! Y-yes, it's me… I'm here…"

"I should have known you would have tried to contact me, even here."

"It's what's you would do." Leo replied to the disembodied voice.

"Indeed… and I am thankful, but please leave me be. I said all I needed to in the letter," Splinter's solemn tone broke his eldest heart.

"Sensei please, this isn't the way to deal with this. We need you. Donnie needs you," Leo started.

"And I will be right here on the Spirit plane whenever you need me. When Donatello is ready..." There was an unsettling pause. "We will move forward; I will always be here when you need me. I'll be watching you all, I will always make sure each of you are safe. I have raised you all well, but it may be time for me to step back in the shadows."

"No don't say that. It's not the same," Leo argued. "If we are going to heal, we should do it together as a family… Wait you're not saying this is forever are you? You are coming back, right?! Even if Donatello isn't quite the same?" He waited for a response, but the long pause did not fill him with confidence. "And what about you? Are you just going to be somewhere in the city all alone!?" Again, there was a pause.

"You four will always be safe. That is all that matters." Splinter said firmly, but Leo could hear the sadness. "My so-" Splinter caught himself again. Calling even Leonardo his son just felt wrong right now. "Leonardo…please, leave me be…I need time to myself…"

"Why can't I see you here?!" Leo finally asked, hoping to approach him for another direction. Leo knew the astral plane could visually reflect the current and true emotions of the occupants spirt. Which meant his father must be inside that mass of misery before him. Still Splinter did not answer. "Sensei please, we all know it wasn't you. Even Donnie knows that it wasn't real. Mikey is healing him."

"It was real to me!" Pain now apparent. "To know that I could have broken Donatello beyond repair, and I'm still hurting him from my remaining presence - " He cut himself off.

Not been able to stand his father's sorrow, Leo proceeded to venture forward into the darkness, but upon entering at the mist his body felt an overwhelming sense of dread. His breathing was shallow, his body started trembling. The deeper he got, the harder it was to breathe, as though something was squeezing his lungs… and he couldn't see. If only he could see his father, he may see where he was in the real world, but his view was purposely being obscured. This was what his father was actually feeling? Leo choked, not from been disorientated but from the pain. His feet stopped, as the flurry of negative emotions hit him like a wall. No, no, he couldn't stand this, his spirit was supposed to be strong. Impenetrable. The rat master he had always looked up to and modelled himself on was now crumbling before him. What was worse, Leo couldn't find his Sensei to give him the comfort he needed. The mass was suffocating him, but before it did, Leo felt a sensation pushing him back until he was out of the mist. Gasping, he fell to his knees, hands planting heavily on the ground as he tried to reject all the negative emotions and fill his lungs with air again.

"Please do not come forward again," A dejected sigh came out of Splinter's disembodied voice.

"S-sensei please…" Leo panting but the mist was already moving away.

"Take care of your brothers Leonardo… Tell them I am sorry, and I love them… and you all will be kept safe." What did that even mean? Splinter mist shifted along with his voice. Leo gasped as he could feel his own spirit being tugged on, and before he knew what was happening, he was out of the astral plane and back in the dojo.

Leo couldn't move for a long time after returning, as he could still feel the cold mass on his skin, stinging like bees. His fingers were even numb, breathing heavily was painful as a whirlwind of thoughts clouded his troubled mind. "Master Splinter what has happened to you?" Leo muttered, and for the first time, he cried. He hadn't cried, really cried since he was 8 years old when he realized just how terrified he was of heights, and he felt he had let his father down.

This was worse. His whole world was falling and he couldn't fix it! He couldn't bring Splinter back and convince him to just let go of his pain. He couldn't fix Donnie and magically take all those dark thoughts out of his head. He couldn't do what he had been training for his whole life. He couldn't carry on this without his dad and brothers whole… Splinter was hurting just as much as Donnie and he even comprehend where to start.

It was a while before the blue clad turtle could compose himself. Like Splinter he had to appear to be strong all the time, even when he wasn't. He was grateful to have a moment alone to let it all out. All alone in the quiet… it was very quiet right now. He could just hear his own breathing… too quiet… Why was the lair this quiet?

"Guys?!" he called but there was nothing. Old memories sparked panic and Leo found himself rushing to the kitchen only to find it empty. He checked the TV area and to his relief he heard the news channels playing out. Indeed, someone was there, but there was a problem. There was only one there. "Don?"

The genius turtle was sitting on the couch, eyes down casted, not at all watching what was on the screen, but he looked up hearing his name. "Oh, hey there…"

"Hey. Where's Mikey and Raph?"

Don sighed. He didn't like ratting out his brothers, but Leo was going to find out anyway. "They went to look for Master Splinter."

"Are you serious?" Leo rolled his eyes with such Irritation. His brothers had disobeyed his orders and rushed off the moment his shell was turned. Way to go fearless leader! Air of authority right here taking care of the clan. Splinter would be proud, but worse than all that, "I can't believe they just left you here alone?"

"Don't be mad at the, I told them to go… Are you ok?" Don responded in a low voice.

"What!? … oh yeah am fine." Leo waved off his red eyes as tiredness, but not his irritation.

"They were getting antsy… You know how dangerous it is for them two to be antsy. I told them to go, let them blow off steam… wear themselves out… and I would be fine with the one sitter." Don's free hand cradling his sling, adjusting the aching limb.

"They don't know what they are getting into… Trust me, Splinter does not want to be found, but he really needs to be."

"Yeah, he does… Which is why it may be a better idea if I am the one gone," Don said meekly.

"What?" Leo almost jumped onto the couch.

"Leo its ok… I can stay with LH-"

"NO! no, no, no, no! You are not going anywhere!"

"You guys need fa- Splinter… I'm the reason he left. I'm the reason he won't come back… so it's better that I leave…" Don's flashback of Splinter chastisement, beatings… murder, gave him a chill.

Leo sat down grabbing his arms. 'Emergency pep talk in session!' "Whoa, whoa… it wasn't just you Donnie… Oh shell Don! You're as bad as Splinter is!" Leo rubbed his eyes. Why did everything just keep coming apart? Why couldn't he not hold this family together? Well, he would be damned if he lost Donnie again too.

Don smiled with no trace of happiness, "I am working on my… "issues." I don't really have a choice in the matter. You can't really argue with Mikey when he's been all rational. It's the puppy eyes." Though serious the two couldn't repress a smile thinking of the orange clad turtle.

Leo chuckled but then became serious again, "I've had PTSD Donnie. I do understand what you're going through… Remember you all kept on yelling at me there wasn't any more I could have done, but I didn't believe it. Over and over again the last battle with the Shredder kept going through my head like a bad movie. What could I have done different? The fact we are all still alive wasn't enough for me. I failed…" Leo sigh at the memory not wanting a revisit. "And don't forget we were all physically attacked by Splinter…"

"Yes, and do you not still have those images in your head?"

"Yes… I think they will haunt all of us for the rest out our lives." Leo said honestly. "That's the other reason why he left Donnie. Not just you. We keep denying it… and we WILL keep denying it." Leo said ashamed, but for Donnie sake he could be honest just this once. "It was a real reminder just how dangers and powerful our father is… But we were never scared of him before…before now. Because we have never been on the receiving end before and Splinter can sense that fear from all of us." Leo cast his eyes looking down. "Splinter said you were the only one acting honest in the infirmary. We are just covering it up while we try and get passed it.

Leo had hoped this would make Don feel a better, but by the guilty grimace on his face, he looked worse. "So, I am weaker than you three," He said like he had been thinking this all along."

"What? No! Why would you think that?" Leo realizing the nerve he had accidently hit was the nerve that had been fueling his brother's PTSD all along. Donnie was always comparing himself to the three of them. Why could he not get having a kind and gentle soul didn't equal been weak?

"Then why can you three cover up your fears for Splinter and I can't? Your attack was in the physically world, and mine was just in the mental."

Leo actually smiled warmly at this, "I think you just answered you own question Don. While we were being attacked by Splinter in the real world, The Rat King couldn't at all hide the fact that it wasn't Splinter at all. His eyes…" Leo shuddered at the memory of the red eyes. "We all know father right to his core and there was NOTHING of his core present. He WAS the Rat King in Splinter's coat, I guess it's the best way to describe it…But in the mind, he could plant every detail of Sensei in your head. Like watching a movie. You know the special effects aren't real, but they look convincing none the less. Especially when the movie maker has read your life story in great detail. Of course, to you it felt even more real. Donnie if it had been me in your place, I don't think I would be anything less than devastated. You know how well I take failure."

Donnie looked at him, his expression softened a bit, "That's a good way of putting it. Your very wise big brother, who knew?!" He smiled like the old Donnie.

Overjoyed by this little glimmer, Leo dramatically placed a hand over his heart, "None of you lot, that's for damn sure." He laughs "Don't tell Mikey I'm stealing his thunder a bit, does that answer your earlier question?"

"Yes, and it's hard to argue with, but I am going to," Donnie looking sad again. Leo face fell. "Just because I can start rationalizing this, doesn't mean it's just going to go away!" Donnie now had that face that could even take down Mikey puppy eyes. Leo hated this face. It broke him. "I want my dad back Leo. I want to look at him and see my Sensei, not the Rat King in "Splinter's coat" as you put it, but that is all I see."

"Donnie something will happen and suddenly your Splinter will be there again. I promise. It will take time, but it will happen."

"And in the meantime, you three suffer without him and miss your chance to rebuild you bond, just because I can't yet… and he suffers out there on his own. Something could happen to him, like the Foot or the Purple Dragons and we may never get him back and that will be on me."

"And do you think any of us would be better off if that happened to you instead?" Leo couldn't keep the anger out of his voice this time. "I am so worried about Sensei being out there on his own. No, he isn't happy, but I have to trust he can look after himself better than any of us put together. Damn it Donnie I am trying to keep this family together… But you all keep leaving. Do you have to make this so hard?" Leo took Don in his arms pulling him closer. "Please Don't work with me on this, we can't do all this alone."

Donnie held back his tears, not wanting to upset his brother anymore. He covered it up with a yawn. "I'm not going anywhere then bro…" He felt him relax. "But I am tired, can you help me to my room, have a nap?"

"Ok," Leo sigh. He had made a crack in the armor, but it still wasn't enough to get all the words through. Without any effort, he swung his brother's good arm over his shoulder, helping him to his feet. Don grunted, as his legs were still weak. He wasn't sure why his body still so drained.

Moments later Don sighed laying down back in Mikey room. There was no point going to his yet, as his baby brother would be dragging him back here later anyway. "Thanks…"

"No problem," Leo looked down at his brother inwardly grimacing how fragile he still looked. He grabbed the shell cell, placing it on the bedside table. "If you need anything, just give me a call." Leo wanted to keep talking to him, but he was to tired now, or maybe he just didn't want to hear… He could practically see Donnie walls go back up… The Rat King was still there in his brother's head, picking away at him like a wound, bleeding him slowly… His baby brother and father willingly leaving alone to fight their demons without them, even if it meant losing. He sighs again waiting for a response.

"I will…thanks," Don closing his eyes hoping Leo would get the message and leave quickly. He didn't want his big brother to see him cry. He so wanted his words to be true, that he would just magically see his father again one day, who he truly was, but his brain told him that was impossible. What could Splinter or he ever do to just put things back the way they were?

It wasn't real. It was the Rat King in Splinter's coat… Bad wolf in sheep's clothing… or at least Bad wolf in good wolf clothing, He told himself.

He listened for Leo to leave. Upon hearing the door close, the darkness fell, leaving him here along with his conflicting dark thoughts. He curled into the fetal position as the tears finally released. He didn't suppress the sob. He deserved this pain. Hating himself for the relief that Splinter was gone, and yet the agony of missing him so much, like his heart had been ripped from his chest. The guilt of it was too much. He and Splinter bond may be broken, but that didn't mean his bond with his brothers didn't have to be. If he let that happen, he really would be a disgrace.

He knew what he had to do. He was just too afraid to do it… He hadn't spoken up in the argument because he was pretty sure how he could find Splinter… The answer had been right there in the letter, but it had been overlooked. He was the only one who had picked up on it. He was known as the smart one for a reason! But he just didn't want to do it. Besides he wasn't physically strong enough to do it yet, but he would be soon.

A/N: Hope you like. Interesting turn of events right? It's true we saw Leo, Raph, and Mikey forgiving Splinter, but it's on the outside as on the inside they truly haven't forgiven him yet, even though they want to. Don on the other hand seems to be suffering the worst of it because it was mainly on him that Splinter left, and he feels even worse for feeling relieved about it. A double edge sword there. Leo's plan to bring him back failed as Splinter pushed him back, and is doing what he can to hold his family together but is struggling. So much is going on and there is still so many questions to answer. The next chapter will be interesting and we thank you all for reading so far. We'll work on the next chapter and get it out soon. Till next time.