A/N : is it Christmas ? Yeah because there's a new Teachers chapter ! This one is hella long, I'm excusing myself in advance. But there's so many things in this chapter 3 enjoy and leave a review

TW : rape mention

The Christmas season was finally here and Anna couldn't be happier. It has always been her favorite time of the year since she was young. Her late dad loved this holiday to the core, he was going to no end to make his daughters' Christmas memorable. As she grew up, Anna picked up on that spirit and she was a true Santa's elf. It exasperated most of her friends, especially Mary. The Crawley did things greatly for Christmas but Anna knew the basic meaning of Christmas : sharing, caring and loving. It was more than presents for her, it was being with people you loved. Although, she was really fond of all the things that came with this holiday like food, decorations and cheesy Christmas movies.

Her relationship with John had grown since their first date. They spent most of their time with each other, on work days obviously but also on free days. They spent the week-ends at each other's. Their relationship was based on friendship which made things easier. Their friends found them awfully cheesy but Anna and John couldn't care less. They loved to hold hands or kiss in public, although they were the example of decorum while working. However, everyone knew at the school, even the students who found that really adorable. They had their own fanclub - the students from their book club - who gave them a silly ship name - Banna for Bates and Anna -. Everything was rosy in their garden. John couldn't be happier, he felt blessed to have such a wonderful woman in love with him. Even if he couldn't wrap his head around why she would settle for him when there were plenty of lovely men in this town. What John didn't know was that Anna felt as blessed as him. She felt like she had finally got over her fear of relationships. She was happier than she had ever been in her life. John was a lovely man, very thoughtful and sweet. She was glad to know that quiet and stoic man like no one else did, to know the loving and gentle man he was underneath. She felt proud knowing he was like that only with her. Nevertheless, something was bothering her. It was the physical side of their relationship. Of course, they shared plenty of kisses, not always chaste ones. They would sometimes make - out on the couch at his house or hers, sharing a few caresses through their clothes and hot kisses on exposed skin. But, every time they got carried away and she felt himself grinding against her or sneaking his hands under her shirt, she would freak out and pull away. It's not that she wasn't attracted to John. She loved that man with all her heart and desired him with all her body but it was just above herself to take things further. She knew John wouldn't hurt her or force her like Alex had but everytime they got intimate it would take her back to those horrible times where Alex was taking his pleasure from her and she just lay there, holding back tears as he was having his way with her without her full consent once again. She hated that that awful guy she had known years ago still had power over her, over her relationship with the man she loved.

She resolved herself to focus on Christmas for the time being to avoid unwanted thoughts. She was Anna Smith and nothing on earth would dampen her mood during Christmas time. She had decorated her classroom with a tree and some garlands. Her boyfriend was fascinated by her eagerness. He chuckled as he watched her wearing a Christmas jumper everyday to work.

As usual, it was Friday and they were going to spend the weekend together. This time they went to John's. Since he shared his flat with no one, it was more intimate for them. Mary was nice and it was great to spend time as friends, with Matthew sometimes tagging along but they longed for moments with only the two of them. Although Anna dreaded them in a way. Their love for each other often led them to a make-out session and she knew she would disappoint John again by rejecting his attempt at going further. She wanted to but couldn't bring herself to do it, she hated herself for being unable to make their desires come true. Anyway, she wouldn't dwell on that now.

Anna stepped into John's flat and looked around. Her brows knitted into a frown.

"John Bates, what is this ?"

"This is my flat Anna, you know it" he teased.

"Silly beggar" she swatted his arm "I mean, where are your decorations"

"My what ?" He looked at her, confused.

"Your Christmas decorations. It's already the 16th !"

"I don't really do that.." he muttered.

"You don't decorate for Christmas ?" She looked at him as if he confessed to a crime.

"My mom used to do it. It was one of my happiest childhood memories. You see, my dad was often drunk and mad at us but when the house was decorated for Christmas, it made him feel more normal, less angry and drunk. But Vera hated Christmas, so it's been over a decade since I last decorated my house for Christmas…."

"Oh John, I'm sorry…" she got closer to wrap her arms around his shoulder, pulling him into a hug. "My own Ebenezer Scrooge"

It made him chuckle and smile, Anna smiled back, happy to see she had made him feel a little better.

"There goes Mr Humbug" She sing-songed, in a tiny voice.

"What are you doing ?" He laughed.

"No, John. If this " she gestured between them "is meant to last, you must have some cultural references. This is The Muppet Christmas Carol with Michael Caine and the Muppets ! It's my favorite Christmas movie !" She explained very eagerly, her eyes shining.

"You're adorable when you're passionate" he smiled and she blushed a little.

"I'm serious though, you need to watch it" she tried to appear serious but she was distracted as he left a kiss on her jaw.

"Yeah, we could watch it this weekend", he agreed against her skin, his hot breath tickling her and making her feel warm in her stomach. She turned her head to catch his lips in a kiss. It started gently but soon became heated as their tongue tried to take over the other in their mouth. Anna left out a moan and led him to the couch nearby. He sat and she straddled his lap, her arms around his neck. Their kisses became more and more eager. John's lips left hers and derived to her jaw then her neck. He unfastened a few of her shirt's buttons. Anna thought this was it, she would be able to go further and finally give John and her what they wanted. However, when she rocked her hips in an excited moment, she felt John's growing arousal and something clicked and she quickly pulled away. She stepped back, putting distance between her and John as if she didn't want to have him near her.

"I'm sorry, John. I don't know what's wrong with me" she cried hysterically.

"My darling, have I done something wrong ?", he reached to take her in his arms.

"Of course not, it's just…I'm still not ready. I'm sorry to disappoint you again…" she was still crying, but let herself blend into his embrace.

"You're not disappointing me Anna. I love you and it doesn't matter how we spend our time together as long as we're together" he assured her but she was still feeling dumb.

"I don't deserve you…" she whispered and John felt his heart tearing.

"This is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. If you judge me deserving of you then you should know you are more than I deserve and I'm happy to be yours" He shook his head and told her softly.

"So am I" she smiled weakly.

"What do you say we go back to the couch and snuggle a little more ?" he offered and she nodded, following him on the couch.

"We could watch that movie you were talking about "The Puppet Christmas Carol" ?" he suggested with a gentle tone. Anna couldn't help but let out a giggle at his mistake.

"The Muppet Christmas Carol, yes. I'd love it ! It's on Disney . Do you have it, Mr Humbug ?", she asked.

"Of course I have it ! I love watching Disney movies !", he admitted and she gave him a funny look.

"You're kidding ?! You, John Bates, watch Disney movies ?" she laughed.

"You really make me sound like a boring old man, my darling", he pouted.

"I'm sorry" she replied in a laugh before kissing him quickly. He smiled, loving their playful banter.

John searched through the platform and put on the movie. Anna was nestled at his side. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and placed a kiss on her headline. As they watched the movie, Anna checked from time to time to see if her boyfriend enjoyed the movie. A smile appeared on her face when she realized he was humming to the songs. She was singing along to it herself which made him laugh. He loved to see her so passionate about something. Even if he wasn't a fan of holidays like she was, her eagerness about them was contagious.

He still couldn't believe he was the boyfriend of such a perfect woman. He knew they were still at the start but he was completely in awe of her. He could imagine a life spent with her but he wouldn't burn the bridges, his last relationship had gone bad so quickly that he was very careful. Anna wasn't ready to go further than hot kisses for the moment and he respected that. He couldn't deny he wanted her but he wouldn't make the same mistake he made years ago with Vera. Anna meant so much more than some terrific fun. However, he wondered about her rebuttal. He wasn't the kind of man who couldn't understand that a woman was a human with wants and needs who was allowed to say "no" to sex but something in the way she reacted made him think there was something more about her desire to keep things calm between them. He was tempted to ask Mary about it but it seemed really sneaky to go behind his girlfriend's back about a matter of this importance. Perhaps, Anna would come out with it at a moment or another if she wanted to.

The movie had ended and Anna turned her face to John.

"What did you think of it ?", she eagerly asked.

"I really enjoyed it !" he smiled.

"Really ? You're not just saying this, aren't you ?", she searched his eyes.

"No, honestly, I like it !", he chuckled at his girlfriend's cuteness.

"I'm glad, it would be so great if it became one of our traditions…" she trailed the rest of her sentence

"I'm sure it will" he assured her, sensing she was feeling ridiculous about her idea.

"Maybe, we could choose that book for our Book Club for the week before the Christmas holidays ?" he suggested and saw her eyes brighten at his proposition. She nodded eagerly before rising a little to catch his lips with hers.

They soon let themselves be carried away with passion. Their tongues danced together and they were out of breath when they pulled away. Anna decided to stop things there before this got any further. She spent that night thinking about the moment where they had almost been there. She felt guilty for always spoiling their fun. She thought she should open up about it to John. He was her boyfriend after all. He deserved to know.

The weekend was spent shopping for Christmas decorations. Anna was really eager in her passion for Christmas and John found that endearing. She was like a child whenever they entered an aisle. She went for the twinklest, brightest and shiniest things, John had to damper her eagerness a little or his house would end up looking like Versailles. In the end, they found their treasure and set themselves to decorate the house over the weekend. Anna also prepared plenty of cookies and hot chocolate which made John fall in love even more with her. She thought she could bring some to her students. His flat smelled of gingerbread, cinnamon and all those smells that made Christmas time magical. John had discovered a new side of his girlfriend and he was sure he couldn't be more head over heels for her than he was now. When they were done, the house looked like a real Winter Wonderland, and Anna was really proud of them. After catching his lips in a kiss, she asked :

"What are you doing for Christmas and New Year ?"

"Nothing special for Christmas. I'm probably going to have lunch with my mother. But I'm spending New Year's Eve at the Crawleys'" he replied.

"I'm also going to the Crawleys Party ! I'm glad we can spend New Year's Eve together" she beamed.

"Well, we can spend Christmas together too !"John happily suggested.

"What about your mother ?"

"It'll be an occasion for you to meet her…unless you're not ready for that" Anna smiled at his last words. That man was a literal angel, he was always so understanding.

"We've been dating for two months," she pondered.

"Yeah, I'm sorry, forget what I said.." he waved.

"I'll gladly meet your mom, John" she giggled at his sad puppy face.

"You naughty girl, you like to watch me being an idiot, don't you ?"

"I do" she rose on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek.

"I love you, Anna Smith"

"And I love you, John Bates," she replied with a kiss on his lips.

The week before the holidays was an hectic one, teachers and students had only a few spare moments. Nevertheless, the Christmas spirit helped to ease the minds of everyone. Only O'Brien seemed to be a true Grinch. She was always complaining about everything related to this season : the weather, the songs, the cheesy romances. John couldn't disagree with her on that last point. Anna had made him watch several Christmas romantic comedies. It wasn't really his cup of tea, he found out he rather liked movies about Christmas magic. He had become obsessed with A Muppet Christmas Carol, at Anna's greatest pride. One thing that made everyone agree about Christmas was the food, Mrs Patmore seemed to be an expert and everyone ran once the bell was ringing to taste her delicious roasted beef and potatoes. Daisy was in charge of biscuits and Mary always managed to snuck out some for the teacher's tea time. Anna's classroom looked like Whoville with all the decorations. Her students were truly amazed. John had caught his girlfriend's excitement and had added some sprig of holly and mistletoe, the latter being used as a way to claim kisses from his girlfriend, making Rose giggle and William and Albert groan at their cheesiness.

On a cold wednesday afternoon before the holidays, Thomas and Anna were on a rare break at the same time enjoying some hot chocolate with a lot of whipped cream, kindly offered by Daisy. They were chatting about their projects for holidays and other things. Thomas was to spend this time with Jimmy. Anna shared her projects to meet John's mom.

"Wow, already meeting his mom ? When is the wedding for ? I hope I'm your best man" he joked.

"Shut up ! We've been dating for only two months…It's not that big though…", she said.

"Isn't it ? I feel in your reaction that it is", he replied, eating a biscuit.

"I just hope she will like me…", she admitted, a little shyly.

"You're so cute when you blush", he chuckled but Anna gave him a dark look.

"Thomas, I'm serious. I really really like John and I want to make a good impression on his mom", she told him.

"Because she might be your future mother in law", he gave her a knowing smile.

"You're aggravating, you know that ? His mom hated his last girlfriend…wife.", She rolled her eyes.

"It's not the reason why their marriage turned sour. You guys love each other so much, it's not his mom's opinion that is going to change that", he reminded her.

"At least his wife slept with him…" she said under her breath, hoping Thomas wouldn't hear it but he did.

"You two never slept with each other ??" He said too loudly, Anna almost threw herself at him.

"Will you shut up ? I don't want the whole school to know that I don't have sex with my boyfriend", she scolded him.

"Why not ? I mean why won't you have sex with him…is he that bad looking ?" Thomas joked but quickly saw that Anna wasn't in the mood.

"John's a very sexy man, thank you very much" she playfully slapped her best friend "I-I can't because I never was able to after Alex." She admitted, looking ashamed. Thomas held out his hand to her and she took it, squeezing his fingers with her small hand.

"Oh, tiny one…Did you tell John about it ?" Thomas asked with kindness mixed with concern in his voice.

"I can't…I don't want him to see me as a victim…I want to be normal", she whimpered.

"You're normal, love. That bastard ex of yours was raping you…" she winced at the term he used "I know you don't like that word, I don't either but I want you to know you did nothing wrong. You were a young girl, in love with an awful guy who abused you instead of loving you. Tell John about what happened, it will help you"

"I'll try…I promise" she managed to offer him a smile.

It was Friday and everyone was ecstatic at the prospect of the holidays and the Christmas ball. That ball was a tradition at Downton Abbey, even before it was a school. When it was still an estate with people living in it, they used to hold a ball for the Christmas season where both aristocrats and servants were participating. They kept that tradition alive throughout the years, when Robert's mother took the school lead in the 1950s, she decided to restorate the tradition to make it a year end ball for the students and teachers. Along with the Halloween party, this was the biggest event of the school. Even bigger, since it was open to the students as well.

As for the Halloween party, Anna had been put in charge of the decoration team but this time she had been helped by her boyfriend. John didn't want less time with his girlfriend so he put himself on board, at Mrs Hughes and Anna's biggest surprise. In the end, they had done well, like they did with his flat and the school hall was really magical. Everyone was dressed in their best clothes for this night, which was a little cold. Mary had a stunning back velvet dress, which was calve-length. Matthew thought he could die right then and there at the sight of his girlfriend. She was truly beautiful with her wavy dark hair and golden earrings. John who was next to him as they watched her walk down the big stairs, was stunned by his goddaughter's looks. She was a beautiful young woman and he couldn't believe his best friend had any part in creating this. It could only be Cora's work.

"I'm going to marry her, John, I tell you", Matthew blurted.

"She's truly beautiful !" John stated.

"It's not only that. I'm madly in love with that woman. She's mine and I'm hers. It's how it should be", the younger man replied, with sparkles in his eyes.

John was astounded by the words of this young man, but thinking about his own sweetheart, he couldn't find them truer. When you really love someone, you know it's meant to be. It was like that with Anna. As in cue, his lovely lady came down the stairs. She was wearing a beautiful v-neck dark red dress. Her golden locks were breaded and put to look like a crown on her head. She looked like a queen. He felt so proud to be the man who would be at her arm tonight.

"You look beautiful tonight…as always" he complimented her.

"Thank you, you're pretty handsome yourself" she replied and he leaned to kiss her.

Everyone had great fun that night. Joseph Molesley had a little too much to drink and was giving a great show for the students who were not accustomed to seeing their history teacher in that state. Thomas had to prevent some from filming and posting the video on social media. As for her, O'Brien was really tempted to let them do it. She told the teachers later that they could have made a lot of money out of it. Anna tried to scold her but she was laughing so much that she couldn't. The moment slow songs came had been lovely. Matthew and Mary were glued to one another all through them. Robert and Cora had shared a few dances, he had also shared a dance with his mom, who came exceptionally for the Christmas Ball. Anna and John had also been involved on several slow songs. John's most memorable one was on Ed Sheeran's "Perfect". Anna loved that song so he offered her a dance. She seemed touched. She snuggled up against him as much as was humanly possible and closed her eyes, her head resting on his chest. His lips pressed kisses on her head. He closed his eyes too and let the lyrics seep through his mind. He found them really beautiful and thought they fit their couple. He leaned near her ear and whispered the lyrics "Baby, you look perfect tonight". Anna smiled and raised her head to offer him a kiss which was welcomed with applause from the others around. John also danced with Rose while Anna danced with William. It was lovely to see them dance with their students.

Christmas day arrived quickly after the party. Anna and John had spent Christmas Eve together, exchanging little gifts. He had bought her beautiful earrings that matched perfectly one of her necklaces and she had offered him a DVD box of The Muppet Christmas Carol. He was really touched by this attention. Anna thought it wasn't much compared to his presents but he insisted it was meaningful and that this movie would be a symbol of them. An ironic choice of romantic symbol, but life is sometimes like that. They had spent the night together, sharing sweet kisses and caresses through their clothes. Anna thought about what Thomas had told her. She had to tell John. However, she didn't want to spoil this night. They just showed their love for one another through touches, kisses and "i love you"s and it was enough for them both that night. This time, Anna didn't feel guilty, she was too stressed by the prospect of meeting John's mother.

It was early on Christmas morning, they were getting ready to take the train to London to meet John's mother. John still couldn't fathom why she didn't come with him when he moved to Downton after his divorce. She had no family in London, he had suggested she could go back to Ireland but they had no family left there either. John had no siblings, their dad had left them long ago and Margaret Bates's siblings were dead and their kids only distant nephews and nieces. However, she said she had friends in London. John knew it was because she loved their house. It had been the first time they lived without his father. It held some memories she wanted to keep forever. At first, John had been scared Vera would come back and ask Margaret for money but his mom told him his ex-wife went back to Ireland after their divorce.

When they arrived in London, they took a taxi and drove to a small and calm neighborhood. At the end of the road, which was at a dead end was a beautiful 19th century house. This house looked as if time had stopped. There were many flowers before the windows. It felt really welcoming. Anna forgot about her fears for a minute and just took the house in. If the house was anything to go by, she had the feeling, she would love Mrs Bates. They walked the alley and John knocked at the door.

A small white haired plump woman opened the door, she looked every bit like John.

"Hello, my dears" she said in a strong irish accent that reminded Anna of Sybil's boyfriend, Tom.

"Hello, mammy," John said softly and Anna could hear a son's love in his voice.

"You don't introduce me to that lovely lass of yours ?" She said bluntly, which made both John and Anna blush.

"Mammy, this is my girlfriend Anna, Anna this is my mum, Margaret", he said. The two women kissed each other cheeks and John felt a burst of pride at seeing the two most important women of his life together.

"Well, come in, eh, or you'll freeze" Margaret told them and they did. Anna was amazed as she penetrated into the house, it was even more beautiful than on the outside. Margaret seemed to love flowers because she had a huge variety of them everywhere. She led them to her living room, it was a little old-fashioned but Anna liked it. She noticed some pictures framed on the mantelpiece. There was no wedding picture like in most houses, neither from her own wedding or from her son's wedding. Anna knew why and understood, yet she caught herself thinking if there would be one if John and her were getting married. She quickly shook that thought. It was still early in their relationship and she was already having funny ideas. She noticed that all those pictures seemed to have the same boy in it. John. There were many of him when he was a little boy, he was a chubby little lad. Again, her mind worked without her consent and she wondered about what a son of theirs would look like. There were ones where he was a young man and Anna felt something in her stomach. He was so handsome, she bet he broke several hearts in his time. She would have definitely been one of them. Then there was a picture with the Crawley family. They seemed really close and Anna wondered how they hadn't met earlier.

John came behind her and wrapped his arms around her. His mother had returned to the kitchen to finish preparing the meal. He pressed a kiss on Anna's neck.

"What are you staring at ?"

"That young lad over here" she took one of the frames in her hand "He's a cute one. I think I do have a crush"

"I hope he's as dashing now", he joked.

"He is" she turned in his embrace and moved her lips to his. They shared a chaste but tender kiss until Mrs Bates burst into the room with the Christmas lunch.

"Aye, the two lovebirds, come to the table before it gets cold" she called them, the plate smoking hot in her hands.

"Aye, Mammy", John replied. Anna followed him to the nicely decorated table.

Margaret had prepared a ton of food, all good looking. Anna's mouth was watering just by the sight of it. Mrs Bates said a prayer before eating, which made John's teeth writhing. Anna giggled. She had been raised in an anglican family and believed in God. She hadn't been at the mass in years, not after her father's death in fact but she would pray from time to time. John respected his girlfriend's faith even if he wasn't a believer. Anna joined Margaret in her thanks to the Lord and they ate.

The lunch had been delicious and no one had any more space in their stomach. They played games after lunch, Margaret praised Anna for being good at it. The young woman was blushing. John was in heaven, he had been afraid his mom wouldn't like Anna even if he knew deep down she would love her. Anna was just really loveable. Nevertheless, it warmed his heart. After the games, they talked a bit while eating their Christmas pudding.

"So, you two work together, aye ?", She asked.

"Yes, we do. At Robert's high school. I'm the English teacher", Anna nodded.

"Oh that's lovely ! Did John tell you I was a teacher ?"She looked at her son.

"He never" both women glared at John. "What year did you teach ?" Anna asked.

"Wee ones", Margaret answered.

"Oh they must have been a handful !" Anna was admirative of the elder woman.

"Not much more than that lad" Margaret pointed at her son, who turned crimson.

They chatted more. Margaret asked a hundred questions to Anna who was really glad to answer them. Soon enough, they got along well at John's greatest pleasure. Of course, those two women spent their time chatting about him, his mom even showed Anna some baby pictures. He was torn between shame and chuckles. He opted for chuckles as Anna commented how cute he was. He couldn't miss the spark in his mom's eyes, he knew she longed for grandchildren. He hoped he would be able to give her that one day. He also hoped those children would be Anna's. When his gaze met his girlfriend's, he offered her a tender smile. He was so in love with that woman.

At tea time, Margaret left the two lovebirds alone while she was boiling some water for the tea. Anna and John were cuddling on the couch, looking at his baby photos.

"You were so chubby !", She cooed.

"I still am", he noted.

"A real teddy bear", she says, cupping his cheek with her hand.

"I'll take that as a compliment", he chuckled.

"It is. Your mom's really sweet. I know now why you're like you are", she complimented him but he shrugged his shoulders.

"Nah, my mom's kinder than I'll ever be"

"Don't sell yourself short, Mr Bates. I'm your girlfriend, therefore I'm right", she chided him.

"You're quite the commander," he laughed.

"You better be prepared, this is going to be like this for the rest of-" she suddenly stopped her sentence.

"I would gladly endure that if it means I'm to spend the rest of my life with you", he kissed her temple.

"John, I need to talk to you about something", she suddenly said with such a serious tone that John felt anxious.

"Gosh, I hope I haven't burned the bridges. I didn't mean to imply anything. I'm going at your rhythm…" he babbled.

"John ?" She giggled.

"Yes ?"

"Shut up" she ordonned, gently.

"Right. You were saying ?" He replied, embarrassed, scratching his neck.

"Well, you talked about burning bridges…There's one bridge that is still standing and that's what I want to talk about"

"Is this about not wanting to take the next step…in bed ? Because you know I would never pressure you"

"It is but please let me explain my reason…I don't want you to think I don't desire you, John, because I burn with desire for you…But -" she couldn't finish her sentence because of her phone ringing. She was tempted to just avoid the call but she suddenly had a feeling there should be something bad going on to make someone call her on Christmas day. She held her phone and noticed it was from Mary. She picked up the phone and heard Mary's strangled voice on the other end, worry started to build in her. John noticed it and raised a questioning eyebrow. She mouthed that it was Mary. She put the call on the speaker.

"Anna…" her best friend cried.

"Mary, what is it ? Are you okay" concern was taking over her tone. Her question was followed by silence then sobs.

"Matthew…he had a car accident" she finally let out. John and Anna were stunned by the news.

A/N : DON'T HATE ME !! Julian Fellowes did it first x)