this is me trying
chapter thirty: this is not okay
seth
In my wolf form, I prance around the woods feeling so giddy due to just having had the most amazing night with Tatum. The wedding. The dancing within each other's arms. That royal blue dress that she wore. The kisses we shared. And to top it all off. Our first time having sex together. Though I never wanted to leave Tatum, not even patrolling could put me in a bad mood right now. Seth, man, are you okay? I don't think I have seen you sit still for even a second. And your thoughts are just everywhere. I can't keep up. Jacob chuckles as he walks up to me.
Tatum said that she is in love with me! I nearly yell in my thoughts. I couldn't help the wolffish grin that took over my face.
Jacob let out a coughing chuckle, shaking his head. I'm happy for you, man. You and Tatum seemed to be having a great night tonight. You couldn't keep your hands off of her.
She was so gorgeous tonight. I couldn't help myself. Did you see her? She was the prettiest one there, don't you think? Actually… Don't answer that. I ramble. I did not want to hear that anyone thought Tatum was pretty because she was mine. And wow, Tatum really showed me that she was mine and I was hers tonight. My mind flickers to after the wedding reception.
So you guys finally had sex?
Shit. I grumble, forgetting that Jacob can see my thoughts right now.
Jacob lets out another cackle of a laugh. I'm really happy for you two. You both seem smitten.
I sigh with a smile on my face. I'm so happy. I'm just so lucky to have her. She is my everything.
I know the feeling. Jacob's mind flashes to images of him and Nessie kissing.
Ew, keep those thoughts to yourself. I tease him before nudging him with my nose playfully before I take off running toward the southern border of La Push.
Fuck you. I nearly saw Tatum naked in your thoughts. He teases back at me, following behind me in a running pace.
Jacob takes the lead from me and begins to run the border on alert. An hour into our shift, Jake and I lie down in the woods next to one of the borders, deciding to take a rest. Why did Tatum go over to your house anyways? I question as I think about how Tatum asked to be dropped off at Jake and Nessie's house before I left for my shift.
Jake shakes his head. I don't know… Ness said they were having a girls night or something. I guess Vanessa is coming over too. She said something about face masks… I really have no clue.
I nod my head. I picture Tatum with a green face mask covering her face as she enjoys time with her friends and I am satisfied. I don't have to worry about her.
Leah's wedding is coming up in a few weeks, are you ready for that? Jacob asks after several moments of silence and quiet thoughts between us.
Yeah, she is really happy with Peter. And it's another excuse to see Tatum in a pretty dress and dance with her all night. I say shamelessly. Then it's your wedding next. Are you excited about that? Are all the plans finalized?
I'm very excited. I finally settled plans for our honeymoon. I can't wait. Jake answers.
Oh, shit. You two sound like girls chatting about weddings and honeymoons. Vanessa jokes. She had just phased into her wolf form, she was running in the woods behind her house.
Why aren't you with the girls? I question, confused.
I had to help my brother out… Girl problems. She answers vaguely. I could tell Vanessa was hiding something. There are pieces of the story missing. So I am running a bit late. Through Vanessa's thoughts, we can see that she is close to Jake's house. But she suddenly stops running. Is Nessie's family here? It smells like vampire shit out here. Vanessa complains in disgust.
Jacob sits up from his lying position. Most of them are traveling. I don't think anyone is coming for a visit. Are you sure it's a vampire smell? Jacob asks in panic. I jump to a stand immediately, feeling Jake's panic. I take off running toward Jake's house, not even waiting for an answer.
I'm sure as hell this is a vampire. And it's not very familiar… Vanessa snaps before she too begins running toward the house, following the scent. She is feet away from the house when we can hear the screams through her thoughts.
My body begins to lag in my running and I feel weak. Tatum?! I snap out of it and start pushing myself to run faster. Vanessa must have phased out of her wolf form because the screams along with her thoughts are gone. Jacob, what is going on? I'm confused as to what is happening. What were the screams for? Is there really a vampire there? Please, tell me that I'm dreaming.
Just keep going. Jacob urges, following close behind me.
Vanessa must have phased back because her thoughts are loud and clear. She's hurt, Seth. Get here fast. Vanessa's voice is shaky. She lets out a howl, signaling for the other members of our pack to come. Jacob and I join her in howling, crying for help for our imprints.
Vanessa phases back without any more information. My fear for my imprint and my anger against Vanessa and her lack of information intensifies. When we get to a close perimeter of Jake and Nessie's house, the other members of our pack begin to phase. Their questions and thoughts are frantic in my head as they try to figure out what is going on. SHUT UP! I yell, wanting to listen to the surroundings to see if I could hear what is going on.
Seth, go, I will fill them in. Jake says when we reach the house. I phase back immediately per my Alpha's orders and put my clothes on as I am running into the cottage.
The air in the house is filled with the stench of a vampire. And not the same stench of the Cullens. I've been around them long enough to know this isn't them. The atmosphere of the house is frantic as I hear Renesmee and Vanessa yelling at each other. I freeze when I reach the doorway of the room.
The room is a disaster. The TV is broken, most of the furniture is flipped or destroyed, the window is shattered. And in the middle of it all lies Tatum with her blonde hair sprawled on the glass covered floor like a halo. Although the room is chaotic, Tatum is perfectly still. Too still.
"What happened?" I choke out. Is Tatum dead? Did the vampire kill her? My girlfriend, despite her calm position lying on the floor, is cut and bruised in many places. I can also smell blood, so she must be bleeding as well.
Nessie's head jerks up to look at me, her eyes glassy with tears and her hands stained red with blood. "I-I-I… I tried to stop him… I-But I couldn't…" Her bottom lip trembles as she looks down at Tatum and sobs. "And he-he bit her." Nessie cries as she gently brushes some of Tatum's hair out of her face. That's when I notice that she has a bite on her neck that is silver with venom. "The… The venom will kill me if I suck it out." Nessie chokes out before looking up at me with tears running down her face.
I walk further into the room and sink to my knees next to Tatum. "Call Edward." I whisper under my breath before I cradle Tatum in my arms. Tatum's eyes open when I pull her close to me. "Hi, baby." I whisper, nearly choking on the sobs that I am holding back. Her gorgeous green eyes stare up at me with so much pain within them. And I can't help but think this may be the last time I ever see them as green. "I know. I know you are hurting." I say softly to her as she begins to wither in my arms.
I press a kiss to the crown of her head, wanting nothing more than to take this pain away from her. I would rather I endure this pain than her. "S-Seth-" She says, her hand reaching up to touch the bite on her neck. Tatum lets out a moan, much different from the moan she had let out a few hours ago.
Tears begin to fall from my eyes as I rest my forehead on hers. "I know. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I can't imagine what she must be thinking right now. She knows nothing about vampires and werewolves, except that they are believed to be fairytales. And yet, she is moments away from becoming a vampire.
"Seth." Nessie calls out to me. She holds out her cell phone and I instantly grab it, knowing it's Edward.
"What do I do?" I cry into the phone.
"Don't try to suck the venom out. It will kill you, Seth." Edward warns, knowing that's where my first thoughts would be. "Alice stayed back. She is going to try and make it to help but…" He trails off. "She might not be strong enough to stop." He expresses his worry clearly.
"Oh, I will get her to stop." I hiss. There is no way in hell I would let Alice drain the blood from my imprint right in front of my eyes. I would kill her before that happened.
"She might not make it in time, either." Edward warns me. "Be prepared if Alice doesn't make it. The venom affects people in different ways. It's not predictable. It may take days, it may only take minutes."
"Sh-She can't die." I choke out looking down at my girlfriend, who is clearly in so much pain from the venom.
"What's your version of dying?" Vanessa asks. And normally, I would think she was joking. But I know she is being serious right now. I know she is really asking: Is becoming a vampire dying in my eyes?
I watch as Tatum's green eyes roll into the back of her head. Only the white of her eyes are showing. Her arms and legs begin to convulse. "S-She is having a seizure." I cry into the phone.
I already know what is happening but Edward just confirms it. "It's too late." His voice is monotone. "The venom is taking over her body." I hear soft murmuring in the background of the other side of the phone. "Carlisle says… He is not sure if the seizures will kill her or if the venom will take over first." I let out a loud cry.
"Don't leave me, Tatum." I sob hysterically. I hear other sobs in the room coming from Vanessa and Nessie.
The sounds of sobs continue to sound through the room as we watch Tatum convulse in my lap. I pray to the spirits that they save my girl. I didn't care what they had to do. They could take my life to save hers. They could make her a vampire. Anything. I couldn't lose her.
After what feels like hours of Tatum having a seizure, her body stills. I stare down at my beautiful girlfriend and weep. She is dead. She is gone. I pull her lifeless body close to me as I cry into her messy hair.
"Seth." A musical sound calls me. I feel a cold hand rest against my shoulder, attempting to pull me away. I look up with a loud sniffle to see the source of the cold hand. "Let me see her." Alice says softly to me, motioning to Tatum.
I sniffle again as I shake my head. "Don't take her from me." I cry, holding onto her tighter.
"I just want to see if… if the venom is working. Or if she is gone." Alice whispers, bending down next to me. Alice doesn't move me away from Tatum as she gently tugs on Tatum's wrist. Alice stares blankly off into space before she nods her head. "I am unable to see her future but her heart is beating softly so the venom is working." Alice responds before carefully dropping Tatum's wrist. "I am going to call my family so that they will be here when she wakes." Alice disappears out of the room. The whole room is silent for several moments and I remain completely still, processing what Alice had just told me.
I glance down at Tatum's motionless body. My tears are no longer falling. My sobs are no longer wracking my body. I brush her hair out of her face, thankful that her heart's still beating. I press a kiss to her temple before I whisper to her: "I love you, baby." I hope she can hear me. I hope she knows that I am right here with her. I pick Tatum up and stand up. I look at Renesmee, whose eyes are puffy and red from all of her crying. Vanessa must have left because besides Nessie and I, the room is empty. "Can I lie her down somewhere?" I ask, my arms and legs feel so weak.
Nessie's head bobbles as she leads the way to the guest bedroom. She opens the guest bedroom door and flips on the lights. I gently rest Tatum on the bed.
I sit beside her on the bed for a moment before I turn back to Ness. "I should probably clean her up." I whisper, motioning to the blood on her body along with her tattered clothes.
Nessie steps forward. "Seth, why don't you let me and Alice do that?" She says softly. "You shouldn't have to do this."
"Okay." I agree, too weak to put up a fight. "I will go get her fresh clothes and I will come back to lie next to her. I want to be here when she wakes up."
Ness nods. "Well she won't be awake until the morning most likely. So don't rush. We've got this." She promises me.
I shake my head as I stare down at the bed. "Take care of my girl." I mutter before looking at Tatum one last time before I leave out the guest bedroom door and toward the front door. After stumbling out into the dark of the night, I immediately settle with my hands on my knees and vomit the contents of my stomach onto the grass.
"Seth, are you okay?" I hear a voice ask as I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand. I see Jacob in human form walking over to me with a concerned look in his eyes. I begin walking into the woods, not bothering to answer his question. Jake and two other pairs of footsteps follow me into the pitch black darkness. "Seth!" Jake calls out after several minutes of walking.
I jerk my head around. "I'm not okay. This is not okay." I growl loudly at the three individuals following me. "Stop asking me if I'm alright because I'm not. This situation is fucked up." I pull at my hair in frustration as the tears spring to my eyes again. "I held her in my arms as-as she…" I trail off, shaking my head as tears fall from my eyes. "But it doesn't matter." I whisper to myself. I run my hands over my face and let out a sigh. "The venom has worked its magic." I hiss angrily as tears continue to fall. "She will be a vampire by the morning."
"Seth-" Embry begins.
"No!" I yell, pointing a finger at them. "Don't say anything!" It's silent between the four of us. Just the sounds of insects in the woods around us could be heard. I let out a sigh before I turn and start walking toward the Locklear house without a word.
"Where are you going, Seth?" Jake calls after me. The footsteps follow me.
"I need to tell the Locklears that their daughter is changing into a vampire… That I couldn't protect her." I reply angrily, stomping my way through the pathway of fallen trees and piles of leaves. "They deserve to know the truth."
A hand catches my arm, pulling me to a stop. "We can handle that." Jake informs me. I stare away with my back still facing him as Jake continues to hold me still. "Talk to us, Seth. We are here for you. We know this is fucked up. We know this is not how we all wanted this to go. But it's how life played the cards. We are going to have to live with it."
I yank my arm aggressively out of Jake's hand, turning on my heel to face him. "Live with it?!" I yell, my face turning red. "Live with the fact that my girlfriend is now a fucking vampire. A vampire, which I should remind you is our natural enemy. We were designed to kill them not fucking date them."
"But Tatum is your imprint." Jacob reminds me, calmly despite my outburst.
"Right." I scoff, rolling my eyes. "Who knows if the imprint connection will live on with her changing. I'm not supposed to be - No one in our tribe is supposed to imprint on a vampire." I remind him.
"I thought the same way for a while. But what about Nessie?" Jake reminds me, coolly. "She's half vampire. I imprinted on her." I don't respond, knowing that he is right in his case with Ness. But it doesn't mean that he is right in terms of Tatum and I. "The imprint connection is stronger than our hatred of vampires. She's still going to be your Tatum that you fell in love with but with a change in appetite. And that will take some getting used to for the two of you. But you two will overcome it."
I twist my lips, still unsure. "I've got things to do." I grumble, finished with this conversation. I begin walking again.
"How can we help you?" Jake calls after me again.
I pause several feet away from them. "Tell the Locklears." I say shortly before I continue my trek through the night alone.
Despite being much slower in my human form, I never once think to phase. I want time to think without anyone else being in my head. I also need to burn off some steam.
When I get to my house, I decide to take a shower, physically cleaning myself of the blood and psychologically cleaning myself of the events that had occurred. After my shower, I find a pair of Tatum's light washed jeans that she had left here several days ago along with a maroon sweater. I pack her clothes in a bag and head out to my car. I start up the car and head to Jake and Nessie's house.
When I make my way through the dark woods towards the small cottage, I feel my heart begin to race. I shut the car off and move into the house. It is eerily quiet. Nessie is the first person I come in contact with.
"Hey." She gives me a sad smile. "She's all cleaned up."
I nod my head. "I brought clothes." I say, motioning to the bag of clothes that I had brought with me.
Nessie takes the bag from me. "My family is here." She said, nodding her head towards the living room. She didn't have to tell me, I smelt them as I was walking up. "They want to talk to you…"
I walk into the living room where several vampires stood in the fixed up living room like statues. Edward turns his head as soon as I walk in the room. I instantly ask him what they needed to talk about.
"Tatum." Edward answers. "Her heart rate is speeding up. For a human to change into a vampire, their heart slows until the venom eventually takes over, stopping it completely."
"We have never seen anything like this." Carlisle continues off of what Edward has just said.
"What does that mean? Is she going to die?" I question.
"Well, Alice is unable to see her future anymore which is rather confusing. Alice should be able to see her future if she is to become a vampire." Edward says.
"But she can't see me. Couldn't I be affecting Alice's visions?" I push. I know which direction they are going with the conversation and I am not ready to come to that conclusion.
Carlisle looks to Edward. Edward just tilts his head back and forth before continuing. "It could." He replies shortly. "But you wouldn't be with Tatum all of the time. So Alice should be able to see her at some point in her future. But she isn't able to."
"So what does that mean?" I hiss.
"We don't know for certain." Carlisle states. "But we want you to be prepared for all of the outcomes."
"What you are trying to say is you want me to be prepared in case she doesn't make it." I reply bitterly. Carlisle and Edward nod their heads in unison. I want so badly to yell at them. I want them to know the answers.
But before I can yell, Renesmee walks into the room. "She's all changed into new clothes." She informs me. "You should go see her. She looks good." She assures me.
I sigh but nod my head. I make my way down the hallway towards the guest bedroom. I open the door to see Alice is standing at the bedside blocking my view from my girlfriend. "I'm sorry." Alice stands. "I will get out of your way. I've been trying to see something of her future…" Alice lets out a huff and shakes her head. "Still nothing." She walks to the door and I finally am able to see Tatum. "I will leave you alone." The door closes and I'm alone with Tatum.
Dressed in new clothes and washed, Tatum looks perfectly normal lying in the bed. She looks like she is just sleeping like I have seen her sleeping many of the nights we've spent together. Except her mouth wasn't open and she was sleeping in jeans instead of my clothes. But she looks peaceful.
I climb into bed next to her, lying on my side beside her. I brush her hair with my fingers as I listen to her loud rapid heartbeat. "Hi, T." I whisper, hoping she can hear me somehow. "Come back to me, okay? Because I don't think I can live without you." I close my eyes, feeling like I can only hear her loud heartbeat. I open my eyes and scoot my body closer to hers. I rest my head on her shoulder and close my eyes again.
"Do you remember the campfire?" I begin, knowing she isn't going to wake up and she isn't going to answer. "I knew I loved you then, T. Hell, I knew I was in love with you as a kid. But that night… the night of the campfire at Nessie and Jake's place, wow. I really fell hard. And it wasn't just the imprint." I press a kiss to her sweater covered shoulder. "You are the prettiest girl that I've ever met. And damn, you looked so flawless that night." I can picture her in her pigtail braids. Her gorgeous green eyes staring at me from across the yard. "And then you kissed me. When we were in your driveway." I let out a sad laugh. "I was too stupid to even realize what had happened until it was over. And I feared that would have been our last kiss." I squeeze my eyes shut in pain as I think about the kiss I gave Tatum when I dropped her off at Jake and Nessie's place a few hours ago. That could be our last kiss.
"You can't leave me, Tatum." I reiterate. "So wake up for me, baby. Show me your pretty eyes again. Kiss me again. Please."
I allow Tatum's loud heartbeats to fill my ears again. I rest my arm over her stomach just like I had done before, curling myself into her body. The repetition of her heartbeat lured me into sleep even though I want nothing more than to take in the time I have with her.
Here we go! This was the first chapter I wrote for this story and I am so excited to finally get to share it! Please let me know what you think! xx M