Chapter 7

Olivia looked out the window, thinking that if she kept from looking at him she could keep from saying something about the conversation she had just overheard. Normally, she didn't hold back when she had something to call him on. It was, when it came down to it, one of the things that made them so great together. There were few other people who were not only willing but eager to go toe-to-toe with Elliot Stabler when he was in a mood. Everyone else (with the possible exception of Cragen) just let him storm around the office and leave for the roof (or crib, or elevator, or wherever else) with a glance and the assumption that he'd work it out. Not her. And that was why, after staring outside for five blocks counting trashcans and wondering how many citations she could give out for unshoveled sidewalks if she was still a beat cop, she turned straight at him and said-

"What the hell was that?"

"Another mistake" he sighed bitterly

She waited for him to elaborate for several more trashcans before asking the question that she had twice before been forced to ask. "El, What's going on with you and Kathy?"

"It's like I said on the way here. The job's still getting in the way, she's still upset because she thinks I'm shutting her out" Olivia could see Elliot tensing as he talked, "It's been more than twenty years damn it. You'd think she'd realize that this is just the way I'm going to be. It's like she thought EJ would change that-like all the sudden I'd stop being a cop."

Olivia counted to five before responding. She needed to get control of her thoughts, say the right thing-otherwise she was going to make a big mistake and say something that would destabilize everything. And that was the opposite of her job description. "I'm sure Kathy knows that El. She's your wife; she knows you", She almost gagged on the untruths as they spilled from her lips "Just give her time. Adjusting to a new baby is hard, but I'm sure once it happens she'll ease up. It has to be hard, having to stay away from work to take care of EJ. Isolating"

She saw Elliot look over at her strangely, as if that hadn't been what he'd expected her to say. She mentally replayed her words, panicking slightly at the thought that she might have gotten her worlds mixed up and said what she wanted to say out loud and what she should say in her head. Nope, she thought, I got it right. Stabilizing Elliot, talking him down, talking him back. She could feel him thinking as they drove. He had looked back to the road but was still periodically swerving his eyes in her direction.

When they pulled into the driveway of their victim's parents, Olivia yanked her focus back to the task at hand. That was a big difference between them that was sometimes lost to others-Elliot's emotions, perceptions, and thoughts were constantly intertwining his work and personal lives; Olivia, though she admittedly had her moments, could compartmentalize and inhibit her opinions from the rationale of the cases. She got out of the car, wanting desperately to tell Elliot that she could do the notification herself (he did not look calm) but knew that implying that he couldn't handle this would most likely just set him off further. They walked up the short drive to a sandstone townhouse, and reached the five low brick steps at almost exactly the same moment-he was slightly in front of her as they stepped up, covering the gleaming bricks with their shoes. He reached for the doorbell, and she thought she saw a muscle in his lower arm twitch suddenly. Without another thought, she placed a hand under his forearm, steadying him. He looked over at her and this time she didn't need to dredge up the connection; It came crashing through layers of tissue and blood and bone until it blew right through the walls behind her eyes and bored full force into his. He immediately steadied, pushing the doorbell in so that the button light went out and they heard the faint ding from behind the door. She withdrew her hand as he did it, averting her eyes back to the white door that would soon be opened by people who's world was about to come to a crashing halt. It had only lasted in a second, but in that second she had lost control. Some intrinsic force had decided that he needed her to steady him and had brought forth what she normally had to use a great amount of exertion to bring to the surface, and all without her consent.

Before she could figure out how that had happened after nine years of relentless control, the door opened. She automatically reached for her badge as a petite woman with white blond hair and delicate features looked at them inquiringly and said "Can I help you?"

Before she could respond, Elliot jumped in. "Are you Mrs. Shuhgnan?" he asked quietly.

"Yes" she said.

"Ma'm, my name is Detective Stabler and this is my partner Detective Benson. Could we speak with you for a moment?" Elliot asked, his voice now low and soothing.

"Of course detectives. Please come in" she requested.

As they stepped in and Mrs. Shuhgnan closed the door, Olivia looked back through the small decorative window that had been inlaid into it. She looked back out at their car, and the suburban street with the trashcans lined up neatly to the right side of each driveway. Realizing that she was delaying yet another conversation by looking at trashcans, she stepped forward and said "Mrs. Shuhgnan, I'm afraid we have some bad news…."