Chapter 8

Elliot stepped down the red brick steps, pulling all of the cold air that he could into his lungs. He heard the white door click shut behind him and knew that he had to keep moving unless he wanted Olivia to walk right into him. He moved down past the bottom step to the drive, getting the sedan keys out of his pocket as he walked. He watched as Olivia pulled on her door handle, looking up at him with one eyebrow raised when she realized that he hadn't yet unlocked the car. He was moving slow. He didn't want to get back in the car yet; he just wanted to stand outside in the cold, unopressive air for another minute.

He unlocked the doors and got in, bracingly waiting for the oppressiveness that had been so heavy in the Shuhgnan's house to once again collect and push on him for all sides. It didn't. Instead, he felt the anguish that had clung to him ever since Olivia had stepped forward and told Mrs. Shuhgnan of her daughter's death dissipate even further. As he turned his head to back out of the driveway, he snuck a glance at Olivia. She was going through her notes, her neck bent down and a lock of her short hair partially obscuring her face from his view. He tore his eyes away from her to look back and make sure no cars were coming as he backed out.

Once they were safely out of the driveway, he looked at her again. She had been acting strangely ever since she had steadied him at the doorway. Even though stabilizing him like that was something she had done often in their nine years, he sensed that she had somehow been surprised, like it wasn't an ordinary occurrence. She hadn't said anything or looked different, but somewhere inside he knew that he had felt her surprised liked that before. If he wasn't driving, he would have closed his eyes and tried to remember when that was and what had caused it. Instead, he merely looked over at her and said "Alright. What did we learn from that?"

"She was majoring in business, had a good scholarship so she wasn't working anywhere, and had no boyfriends as far as the parents knew". Olivia replied, once again sounding definitive and confident now that they were talking about a case.

Elliot waited for a minute to reply so he could focus on driving through the clogged streets near the precinct. "That's what I thought. Not much to go one-I hope Lake and Fin have had more luck at the school."

He wished they had gotten more out of the parents. It would have given him something tangible to focus his attention on; instead he now felt his thoughts drifting back to that last phone call with Kathy. He should really call and apologize to her. It wasn't her fault that an innocent eight year old had found a dead girl that looked similar to Maureen. It wasn't her fault that he hadn't hashed things out with her before he moved back. He should have made it clear that nothing had changed; that his moving back wasn't some sudden affirmation that he was suddenly going to be all the things she wanted him to be. Yeah, he thought as they pulled into their normal spot, he should call her. In front of Olivia too. She needed to hear him repent, hear that he wasn't really so far gone that he'd start throwing murder cases in his wife's face. He needed to make sure that she still understood him.

As he got out of the car, he picked up his phone. He dialed, slowing down his walk until he was sure that Liv was right behind him. She had been writing more notes when the car had stopped, so she hadn't gotten out until he already placed the call. He wanted to make sure that she heard him apologize.

"Hello?" Kathy answered from the other side of New York.

"Hey Kath" he said as he walked into the building. "Listen, I don't have time to talk-I just wanted to apologize for snapping earlier. I'll see you tonight, okay?"

He heard her sigh into the phone "Alright, thank you. Be safe" she said and then hung up.

Elliot walked to the waiting elevator, automatically holding his arm to the door so the Olivia could walk in behind him. He swung around, expecting to see her following him, but she was no where to be seen. He automatically withdrew his hand as the door bumped against it, letting him know that it wanted to close. As he rode up in the elevator alone, he wondered when she had stopped following him. Had she taken the stairs because she thought he needed privacy? Damn her. Really, what was the use of forcing himself to apologize if she wasn't around to hear it?

That thought instantly made him want to get down on the ground and say hail marys until the elevator got to his floor. He should have wanted to apologize to Kathy; letting Olivia hear it was supposed to just be a secondary benefit. Damn again. Automatically putting Liv into his thoughts before his wife had been happening entirely too frequently for his comfort. In fact, it had happened almost always over the past eight years or so-what the hell did that mean?

Just as he was about to start really having to dissect this whole situation, the elevator doors opened to his squadroom. Ironic, he thought, that his sanity was being preserved by the insanity of this one room. He looked towards his desk and saw Olivia's figure slouched by her computer, her fingers punching into the keys almost pugnaciously. How in the world had she beaten him by taking the stairs? He moved towards their desks, still feeling frustrated that she hadn't heard him redeem himself.

She filled him in on what Fin and Lake had found out without ever taking her eyes from the computer. He wanted to make a comment about the aggressiveness and she was displaying against the machine, but held his tongue. As he got up to step away to the white board where all of their information on the case was written, she quietly said "It was good that you called her El"

"Didn't think you heard" he said a bit gruffly.

"I didn't. Just saw you take out your phone" she replied

"How did you know?" he asked, desperate that there would be some sort of all inclusive answer in what she said.

" Because I still know you" she whispered loudly enough for him to hear.

"I still know you" he heard as he stepped towards the board.

"I still know you" he heard as he stepped to look closer at Fin's notations.

"I still know you" he heard as he stepped back towards her.