Chapter 10
Elliot walked behind his daughter into the empty conference room. The cavernous room with its large wood table seemed too spacious for a conversation with his oldest daughter, but it was better than one of the interrogation rooms. It wasn't often that his children made an appearance at the squad room, but with the exception of his birthday a few years back (thanks to Olivia) it was always serious.
Maureen took a seat in one of the chairs and pointed to the one across the table from her, indicating that he should sit their. This made Elliot a bit more nervous; he would have preferred to sit beside her. After he sat, and after she had rustled around putting her jacket across the back of her chair, she looked at him and said "Dad, I need to talk to you."
He looked at her. Instead of feeling intimidating, sitting across from his daughter in the large room, he felt the opposite. Maureen suddenly looked very calm and collected, and he almost felt like squirming. It was amazing really, that he could face down some of the cities toughest criminals, lawyers, and cops, yet this petite blonde girl was making him feel nervous and flushy.
"Ok." Was all he said. He really didn't know how to handle Maureen as an adult, but he was quickly realizing that that was how she had come here. An adult coming to talk to another adult.
"I need to get through this without you interrupting; you can talk or yell all you want afterwards, but please lend me enough respect to let me say what I need to first" she continued, now looking not only calm but with a rather odd gleam in her eye.
"Ok." He repeated because once again, what could he say?
"Dad, I love you. And I love Mom and our family. " She was looking him straight in the eye now. "But you can't continue to do this"
He couldn't help himself "Do what?" he asked
She shot him a sharp glance before continuing. "You aren't happy Dad. Mom isn't either. And quite frankly, neither are Lizzie and Dickie. It wasn't right for Mom to ask you to come home after you signed the papers. It wasn't right for you to go back there. "
Elliot had to interrupt. He couldn't just sit there and let her continue with this. He didn't want those things spoken out loud, made true. "Mo, your mother and I are working on-
"No Dad" she cut him off, obviously determined to get through this. Damn stubborn daughter. He didn't know where she got that from. She persisted " You and Mom shouldn't have to work things out. It isn't healthy for either of you. I see it, and I'm not even living with you. Mom's stressed all the time, and you look at the front door as if its some sort of escape portal that you can't wait to bolt through. "
"That's not true" he interrupted again. "I love being with all of you."
"I know" she said. "We all know. But being with us and living in that house are two different things. We're your kids, Dad. All of us, me, Kathleen, Dickie, Lizzie and EJ. That never changes. But at some point you have to stop thinking about giving up everything for us. Because that isn't fair to us. We want you happy and whole, and instead of getting that back when you moved home you've gotten worse. And before you say it, I know you care about Mom. She cares about you too. But that was never enough-I just don't think anybody actually realized it until you two separated."
Elliot tried to say something, but he was having a hard time breathing. Where had is eldest daughter gone? The poised young woman who had just laid him bare certainly wasn't her. She was looking at him now, expectantly, and he realized he was being given permission to talk. "I can change" he said, not really able to look at her. "I can try harder to get home on time, make your mom happy-
"No Dad" she said for the second time in the conversation. "We don't want you to change. You shouldn't have too. Not when everyone who truly loves you wouldn't have you any other way." At this point her eyes shifted from his to look over his shoulder. He craned his head around, trying to see what had caught her attention, but all he saw was Olivia typing away on her computer. Puzzled, he turned back to Maureen. "Mo" he said, using her childhood nickname in an attempt to gain a bit of control of this conversation, "I won't work here forever. I want to come home to my family at the end of the day"
"You still can Dad. Mom won't challenge shared custody. And Olivia-"
Elliot looked at her, surprised. "What does Olivia have to do with this?" he asked warily.
Maureen looked at him, open pity in her eyes. She got up, walked around the table, and hugged him. As she straightened she said "Dad. Someday you'll retire; Do you really think you'll be ok not seeing her everyday?"
And with that she smiled, the expression brightening her face and reaching her eyes. She opened the door, turned back and said "Just think about it" before purposefully walking out. His eyes followed her to Olivia's desk where she stopped to give her a small hug before walking back towards the elevator. Elliot stood up slowly, trying desperately to replay that conversation. Had his eldest daughter just told him to leave her mother? And what the hell was the parting shot about Olivia? His brain was running over time. He looked over towards his desk, seeing her still typing away. Of course he would always see her. They'd go for coffee, for lunch. It wouldn't be the same, but it would be something. Something. What was that Maureen had said? "Giving up everything". Everything. What was everything? He had forgotten to ask her that, but the entire conversation was still washing over him. He still wasn't sure what had just happened, but as he exited the room he was pretty sure that he had just had his ass handed to him by another female he cared about. That made three today. He turned and looked back into the now empty conference room. Backwards was nothing. Nothing.