Chapter 11
Olivia walked home from the precinct feeling the odd sense of frustration and relief and guilt that she always felt after work. Even though they had closed Danielle's case and handed the boyfriend over to Casey to be charged, she still felt like she needed to be at work. That was the curse that came with this job- a compulsion to always be there, always be ready when the next scum bag needed to be brought in or the next victim talked to. Going back to her apartment, retreating, giving up the battle for one night in order to regroup always felt a bit cowardly to her.
At least she had stayed until their perp had been interrogated, booked, and settled in the holding cell for the night. Elliot had steamed out of the bullpen sometime in between interrogation and booked. She didn't really know exactly when he had left, because he hadn't apprised her of his departure. Bit frustrating, really, but not nearly as frustrating as the fact that everyone seemed to think she was his keeper. She must have gotten five inquiries as to where her partner had gone. She had simply replied, "home I think" to each question, even though she had absolutely no idea. He hadn't apprised her of that either.
She lifted her keys to the door of the building, surprised that she had made the trip in such good time. Then she noticed that she was really huffing hard and realized that she must have been doing some really aggressive pavement pounding to have made the walk so quickly. Sheesh. She hadn't known that she was that aggravated with him.
Then again, she thought as she trudged up the stairs to her apartment, it was alright that she was aggravated. After Maureen had hugged her, spouted her cryptic little goodbye, and left, Elliot had come hesitantly back to their desks. She had asked him if everything was alright, but all she got out of him was a "fine". Damn Stablers. None of them were ever upfront. Well, seeing as how Maureen had looked moderately cheerful when she had left, Olivia wasn't going to put out the effort the make sense out of any of them. After she had given up, they had just sat at their desks in silence, alternating getting up to check on how Munch and Fin were doing with the suspect. Every time she got up and looked over at Elliot, he had this seriously unsettled look about him, the kind you would have if your best friend had just sprouted a second head out of their neck. She knew she had been a little careless with the makeup this morning, but there certainly was no second head, so being looked at like that was just plain uncalled for.
"Damn Stablers," she muttered out loud as she fished her keys out and unlocked the door. Her life would be a hell of a lot less nutty without them constantly barraging their way into it. Elliot everyday just by existing, his kids when they had issues they couldn't talk to either parent about, the baby when it was born, Kathy when she asked for a divorce, came to the precinct pregnant, almost died with Olivia behind the wheel. Her life wouldn't be boring without them. She still had a job that was unpredictable and dangerous and held a strong compulsion over her.
As soon as that thought entered her head she stopped so suddenly that she almost lost her footing on the wood floor just inside of her apartment door. Life without the Stablers. Life without Elliot. "God" she said out loud, not praying but just using the phrase as a simple figure of speech. Who would she be if they had never been partnered? What would she be? What would HE be?
And just like that she sung around, locked her apartment back up, and headed back to work. She told herself that she was just going back to stop these renegade thoughts from escaping into her brain, but she knew better. She needed to see their desks, pushed together in confirmation that they really existed. She needed to see her's, see his' because without him she had absolutely no idea if she really existed. She picked up the pace of her walk, almost jogging as she made her way back to the precinct.
Damn Stablers, she thought.