Gibbs hadn't slept well the night before. Despite making love to Ziva not just once in his basement but again in his bed should have driven him into blissful oblivion but his sleep had been restless. The thoughts of the case pushing at him, and other thoughts he'd tried to ignore, deny even. Ziva lay beside him sleeping curled into him; her hand wrapped around his bicep the gold of her bracelet soothing his tattered nerves.

Sighing he surveyed her body under the fine white sheet. She was all lean muscle and dangerous curves, a woman he would never have thought to find himself with. Still he couldn't stop the image of her from changing in his mind. The taunt planes of her stomach became rounded, her breasts fuller. No matter how hard he tried he couldn't push the image from his head. He hadn't said a word to Ziva. He wondered what that meant; he imagined Ducky could analyze the hell out of that one. Perhaps men had a biological clock as well. Whatever the reason he knew he had to say something and carefully. He didn't want to hurt her more with his suspicions.

"Neshama something lays heavy on your mind do you want to talk about it?" Ziva had woken to the feel of Gibbs' hand tracing her body through the sheet and thick tension in the air.

Gibbs leaned in and kissed her not afraid to meet her eyes but still quietly thinking. "I need to talk about it, should have discussed it with you before now. Hard part is whether I remained quiet or say something now it could hurt you either way." He felt her hand still in his; saw the very carefully veiled caution in her eyes. She held his gaze though and he did the same.

Ziva had known Gibbs was holding something back for a while. It was in the way he quietly glanced at her, or he would start to speak and then stop. Just a hint that there was something he couldn't wrap his head around. She had known when he was ready he would talk to her. "Then tell me and we will work through it together." Her heart thudded in her chest. He looked slightly unsure something she couldn't remember seeing before.

"Can you trust me enough to let me ask you a few questions first?" He saw her cock her head swallow hard and then nod. "When you first came here to America, I know your father arranged that."

Ziva sat up in the bed settling against the pillows, still touching Gibbs' hand but needing more stability than being horizontal allowed. "Yes that is true."

"How much did he arrange?" he saw her confusion, the fleeting moment of protecting that type of information. He could have been angry that she would for a moment even think of holding something back from him, yet he was proud.

"All of it, he knew things would end badly no matter what. More than that I think he knew I wouldn't want to see him after I was done here. So he arranged for the continuing liaison position, the apartment I was living in at the time, anything I would need when I came here."

It was Gibbs' turn to swallow hard, and run a hand through his hair hating the path this conversation was taking. "Did he arrange a doctor for you Ziva?"

Ziva knew she was missing something important, she was a damn smart woman and it irked her she couldn't grasp what Gibbs was hinting at. But she trusted him; he was no more comfortable asking than she was answering so she nodded unable to voice the words.

Gibbs silently cursed Eli David in every way possible and all the languages he knew. "This won't come out right Ziva but I'm going to try. You told me your father controlled every part of your life for a long time. I don't know why but my gut is telling me he has been controlling you more than you know."

Ziva saw him struggling with what he was trying to tell her. She wanted to find the words to comfort him but she could only find the desire for him to finish what he was saying. "Neshama….please"

"Sorry ZI, I'm getting there. I think he might have lied to you about your ability to have a child."

Ziva felt the words slam into her very much like a fist. She even heard the softest breath whoosh out of her. She wanted to ask him what the hell he was thinking, wanted to shout out he was crazy. But he'd said his gut was telling him, Gibbs' gut was rarely, if ever wrong. Not to mention the minute he said it her gut started screaming at her. From any other man this would have been a wild notion but Gibbs always thought things through. Breathing deep she bit her lip fighting back the tears that threatened. She hated this weakness, the fact her father could still cause her pain. "Tell me why you think this."

Gibbs watched her internal war, waited for her to tell him he was crazy. Instead he saw something in the set of her shoulders that made him move closer to her, bringing her next to him. "You said you were hurt during one of your first missions." He felt her nod against him. "I suspect that you said something about maybe not continuing with Mossad. Maybe it was just a passing comment, you might not have even meant it but I'm guessing your father heard about it. If he thought you were going to leave the fold so to speak perhaps he figured a way to keep you there. If he made you believe that you couldn't have children, would never have a family why would you leave?"

Ziva felt a shudder run through her the result of holding back both tears and anger. She thought back remembering waking up in the hospital in pain, knowing the mission had not gone as planned. Too many agents had been hurt and the information they'd retrieved hadn't been complete. The beating had been brutal. She'd been trained and the training had been no picnic but the reality of the first beating by enemy hands was not something easily overcome by her younger self. She remembered a kind nurse telling her maybe she should go home and have babies instead. She'd laughed and agreed it had to be easier than being a soldier. She'd still been pretty out of it from surgery, with no real intention of doing anything but being a soldier. Ari had been in the room, sitting beside her bed. Later that evening she'd been told she could never have children. Pushing her hair back from her face she swept aside a tear praying Gibbs wouldn't call attention to her grief. "It is very possible your gut is correct Jethro. It is something he would have done, would still do if it kept me under his wrist."

"thumb Zi,"

"Whatever." But still she smiled as he'd known she would. "I was told I would need to be monitored for a while, it seemed appropriate to stay with the same doctor for follow up care. After that it became habit to continue. When I came here my father told me he had arraigned for everything. I was surprised when that included a doctor but he is very thorough."

Gibbs didn't know what to say. Soon enough she would catch on to the rest of what he withheld. "Sorry Zi, but I'm also not."

Ziva didn't really here him she was thinking back trying to piece it together. "I should have known at some point I should have caught on. The doctor insisted I go on birth control, said it would help with healing and as an agent it was convenient." She caught his blush and again couldn't stop from grinning at him. "You can look down the barrel of a gun but I talk about "female" things and you get weird."

Gibbs fought down another blush, "I did not get weird, I just don't want to get to personal."

Despite the seriousness of what they were discussing she couldn't help but laugh. It didn't take her long to sober up. Gibbs was still watching her a little too closely. Then it hit her, so hard and fast she had to literally think to breathe.

Gibbs saw it sink in, watched her go nearly as white as the sheet wrapped around her. Still he didn't look away just waited for whatever was coming next.

"How long have you suspected?" she played with the light dusting of hair on his chest, trying to find sense in the dizzying spin in her head.

Gibbs looked her in the eye. "Only since you told me how it supposedly happened. I'm no doctor but neither am I a fool. For some reason it didn't sound right, then the more I learned about you, Eli, it still didn't seem right. What struck me most was a year or so ago, the guys and I were here playing poker, used your bathroom there was a wrapper from your birth control in the trash." He saw her wary look. "I wasn't snooping I just saw it and wondered who the hell you were sleeping with, wishing it was me. Putting all that together my gut said something was…"

"Hinky, yet you waited to say something."

Gibbs heard the censure in her voice and knew he'd earned it. "I can't excuse that, I knew if I told you what I suspected it would hurt you if I was right or if I was wrong. But I didn't like keeping it from you. "

Ziva knew she was avoiding the obvious next part of the discussion but she wasn't ready to go there just yet. "I should be angry with you Jethro." Again she had to stop and think letting the quiet lie between them. She was quiet for a long moment letting trying to understand how she felt. "You made a choice for both of us. You should have said something right away."

There was no anger in Ziva's voice just a quiet sadness that tore at him. "I know, but I will not apologize Zi. It wouldn't be honest if I did. If I apologize for something I would do again it's like lying."

Despite herself Ziva grinned, Gibbs was nothing if not honest even when he was talking about lying. She remembered in his arms hearing him tell her if he could he would give her a child. She'd responded by telling him given the choice she would have his child. Watching him watching her she smiled worry furrowed his brow and his shoulders were tense. His hand rubbed her bracelet like the talisman it was, almost furiously. She laid her hand against his cheek "Jethro I said I should be angry, somehow I cannot find the will to be." It was her turn to blush. "All the times we've been together since then you've had to know there was the possibility….."

Gibbs nodded taking in a breath and holding her hand against his jaw. "I did." He could have said more, explained more but he wanted to give her time to think.

Ziva found she could only smile; the anger wouldn't come. It didn't seem to matter to her heart that she should be angry, or that any other woman would be furious. She found she could feel the beginnings of joy seep through her. "I do not want to be angry with you Jethro. Perhaps another woman would be. I told you I trusted you when I put this bracelet on. When I accepted the man you truly are I knew it would not always be an easy choice, you warned me as much. If you are correct than I cannot find it in me to be angry over something so wonderful." Ziva felt him lean heavily against her his breath rushing out warm against her neck, his relief was tangible.

"If you had told me, we would have discussed, debated, worried about timing." She felt him tense both of them knowing the timing couldn't be worse. "I love you Jethro you keeping this from me will not change that."

"I love you Ziva, if I had thought for even a moment a baby wasn't something you wanted, I would never…" he saw her jump a bit at the word baby and bit back a grin when she glared.

"I think I made it very clear Jethro I wanted a child. I just believed it would never happen." Taking a long deep breath she knew she couldn't dance around the subject any longer. Glancing up at him she saw him grinning again. "You look smug Jethro."

"How long has it been Ziva." This time he wasn't blushing even when she caught on instantly.

Ziva had already done the math; it was why she'd had to work so hard to push her anger at her father away. She knew he'd lied or at least her body was leading her to suspect so. "just over a month." She watched triumph mixed with joy flash through his eyes. The joy so rarely seen was what stayed with her.

"Is that typical for you?" he toyed with a long lock of her hair, twirling it around his finger. He wanted instead to strip the sheet away from her, touch her feel her sliding against him.

Ziva glared again failing when she couldn't stop grinning at him. "No"

"I imagine we should clarify things, just to be sure." Gibbs heard her sigh.

"Well that would be the next thing to do. I imagine Mr. prepared for everything you already have something for that right?" He looked at her like she was crazy.

"Right, Zi, because that's just the sort of thing I wanted you to find lying around. I have no desire to be skinned alive." He'd fully expected the head slap but still it stung when it landed. "Brat"

"Do not even start with me Jethro." feeling his hands beneath the covers she swatted at them next. "If you think you are going to convince me to stay in this bed, while my head is full of questions. You are wrong. I cannot sit here not knowing."

Gibbs feigned a deep sigh, this ducking just in time to avoid her hand. "Well then you better get dressed, so we can go get something."

"We…oh yes let us both walk into a store together to buy a …" Ziva couldn't bring herself to say the words and warned Gibbs with a glare not to fill in the blanks. "I think I can manage just fine on my own Jethro."

Gibbs watched her throw on her clothes it a bit of snit and had to hide his laughter. She was occasionally glaring at him, then at one point stomped her foot and muttered something in Hebrew. He stayed back deciding it was better to let her be. When she rifled around for her keys he saw her find them and head for the door. Again she stopped laying her head against the door. She turned around leaning heavily against it. "I am not angry Jethro, I am not unhappy, I just feel…overwhelmed."

Gibbs wanted to go to her but every action told him she needed space. "It's a lot to learn in just a moment Ziva. I should have…."

Ziva held up her hand "What is done is done Jethro, I just need time to work this through in my head some more."

Gibbs watched her step out the door and let his head fall back against the headboard. He should be given a good beating for not thinking things through more. Yet he couldn't regret what he'd done.

Gibbs stood outside the bathroom door, waiting for Ziva to come out. He should have been terrified instead he was hoping, hoping for a miracle. She returned from the store faster than he would have expected, glancing at him unable to hide her nervousness. Without speaking to him she took the little brown paper bag into the bathroom and shut the door. Five long minutes later he was still waiting. Pressing his head against the wood he knew she had to have the answer by now.

"Ziva?" finally he felt the door move. It opened and she was standing there hands in her pockets, her face surprisingly unreadable.

Ziva faced him, saw the question in his eyes. "Neshama answer this for me. What do you want the answer to be?"

Gibbs leaned against the doorway, knowing she needed to hear this without the dancing around they'd done earlier. "Ziva I haven't forgotten about the case, the fact we can't be seen together, but for some damn reason none of that matters. I want this for us, maybe that doesn't make sense…." He stepped into the bathroom saw her smile.

"Neshama do not even think of apologizing for how you feel. You would do well to remember that we didn't discuss how I came to believe I couldn't conceive until well after we'd been making love more than a few times." She nodded at the counter. "It seems Jethro even nature is not willing to refuse you." She felt most of her fear slip away when shock and a grin hit his face.

Gibbs glanced at the fancy electronic stick on the counter, the little window held one word Pregnant. Dammed if he couldn't stop grinning, turning back to her he saw her smiling as well. "You ok?"

Ziva knew he was asking about more than just the test results. "It is hard to know that my father would lie to me in such a way but this is something I thought I'd never have. I am still a bit shocked."

Gibbs took her in his arms and was pleased when she didn't hesitate. He couldn't stop smiling even when she glanced up at him with a slight glare. "I imagine you are going to walk around all smug now."

"We can make this work Ziva I have no doubt. With any other woman I couldn't say that."

His words touched her deeper than he probably realized. "I believe you, but it will not be easy Jethro. A baby" she couldn't stop the shiver of fear that raced down her spine at that word. "Complicates things." She knew he was thinking about the couple lying in the morgue as much as she was. At the same time as she looked at him she could see no doubt in his eyes, nothing but faith in both of them.

"Can't deny that Zi, but this is good and for now maybe we could just enjoy it." She bit her lip watching him with those soulful brown eyes.

"We will need to solve this case that much faster now." She didn't voice what they were both thinking, how the danger had increased for her in just a moment. "I knew agents that were pregnant while working, somehow they managed to keep their children safe. Most of those missions were far riskier than this one."

Gibbs sucked in a deep breath hating the reminder of how wrong things could go. He couldn't be blamed for what had happened before he'd begun having suspicions but after was another story. He couldn't tuck her away at home too much was at stake. Neither was she a woman to sit idly at home. He pushed away his worries; his fear based in truth on a past loss and held on to his faith in her. "I know what you're capable of Ziva. Things will be ok."

Ziva nodded she hadn't lied to him each of those women had been forced to hide their pregnancies or be forced into a termination. "I will need to work on finding a new doctor. I would ask Abby but I do not want anyone to know."

Gibbs nodded. "I agree the quieter we keep this the better, for as long as possible." Leading her to the bed he sat next to her holding her hand. "I like having secrets with you Ziva. As much as I would like the world to know your mine I know we can't have that yet."

Ziva yawned long and hard and heard Tony chuckle. "At some point Ziva you should ask that man of yours to let you rest."

Ziva blushed and raised an eyebrow. "Perhaps I prefer to be tired Tony."

It was Tony's turn to blush and cough lightly as Gibbs walked back into the room. "Ok….then."

Ziva laughed and then turned her attention back to the crime scene photos she had taken. Something about them nagged at her. If she was being honest part of it was her lack of focus. She'd had little time to process everything that had happened early this morning. She remembered asking Gibbs if he thought she'd make a good mother.

Gibbs heard the doubt in her voic,e surprised it. "I have no doubt."

"I am not sure I know what to do with a baby. I helped with Tali but that was years ago and it is not like I can just learn from a friend. No one I know has….babies." She'd thrown her hairbrush at him when she'd again stumbled over the word.

"Whoa….no violence. You could read a book…. I think you're going to be a natural." Holding her close he kissed her forehead

"I appreciate your faith in me Jethro, but I like to know what to do well ahead of time. As for books not exactly the kind of thing I can have lying around my apartment. Abby is always stopping by and even if I kept them out of sight we have no idea if those at Haven are watching where we go, or for that matter there is always the chance they will find a reason to search our homes." They didn't speak about it often but they still swept both homes for bugs on a regular basis.

Gibbs was quiet considering what she said, "You're right of course. For now Ziva don't worry we'll find a way. I wish.."

"So do I Neshama, but for now we must accept what is. And, now we must leave for work or we will be late. Now is not the time to start drawing suspicions."

Gibbs nodded but still had to work hard to pull away from her. Glancing out the window he searched for any cars that might be observing them, seeing none he nodded that it was safe for her to leave.

Ziva shook her head trying to force her thoughts back to the very important work at hand. It was quiet on the floor McGee was working with Abby in her lab, Tony was reviewing the sad bits of evidence he had collected and Gibbs was doing something on his computer. Carefully so as not to be seen she pulled up her personal calendar. Doing some silent counting she figured she was just about six weeks along. She sighed in relief, with the coming change in seasons and the fact she was still very early she had a good chance of hiding the physical changes of her pregnancy for a while. The weather was beginning to grow cooler which would mean more layers, loose sweaters and coats. If it had been the start of summer things would be very difficult. Her biggest concern at this point was finding a doctor. There was no one she could think of to ask…..except…suddenly a person flittered through her mind. It would be a risk a huge one, but she was known for her discretion. Before Ziva could think more about it she was interrupted by the mail courier, the two of them were getting to know each other well. She smiled when a small white box was placed in front of her.

Tony whistled "One can only imagine what that might be." He caught her smile and gave her one back. He didn't let it show but for just a moment his gut churned. He teased Ziva about being lucky but in reality he knew it was the man in her life who was the lucky one. The smile on her face as she opened the box, thinking of whomever that man was made him swallow hard. He caught Gibbs looking at him rather intently and forced away the thoughts threatening to creep into his mind.

Ziva opened the box and pulled out a small electronic tablet. In an unfamiliar scrawl on the included card was written "your own private bookcase….and then some.". She had to use all her strength not to turn to Gibbs; instead she turned on the device and was instantly prompted to enter a password.

Gibbs watched as Ziva bit her lip looking perplexed. He had to hide his smile at the way she stared at the tablet for a long time without entering anything.

Tony pushed away from his desk went and stood behind Ziva ignoring the way she swatted at him. "Are you just going to stare at it or try it out?"

Ziva stuck her tongue out at him, "It has a password. I am trying to figure out what it would be."

"He didn't tell you?" Tony couldn't help but admire the guy, he was if nothing else clever.

"I believe I am supposed to know what it would be. Which, is why I am thinking." Ziva had many ideas but none of them felt right. Tapping the tablet she saw the onscreen keyboard pop up, only the letters were not English.

"What's that?" Tony suspected he knew but he was trying to keep the conversation light, trying to ignore the fact Ziva was getting misty eyed next to him. Ziva in love was a whole new experience.

"That is the keyboard in Hebrew." Again Ziva wondered how it was possible Gibbs could do these things so quickly so perfectly. Then she laughed Gibbs seemed capable of getting anything he wanted. The proof of that grew inside her.

Gibbs could see the wheels turning in her mind, "Maybe it's something important to the two of you, an anniversary, a special date, a place, how long you've been together…." He shrugged, glanced at McGee who had just arrived back at his desk. "What do I know?"

Ziva bit her lip trying to not shout out just how much he did know. Instead she thought harder for some reason it was important to her to get it right the first time.

Tony spotted McGee and filled him in on what Ziva was staring at and why. "So now Ziva the perfectionist that she is, wants to get it right on the first try."

McGee chuckled "I could probably hack it if you wanted Ziva."

Ziva shook her head vehemently "No I will figure it out I just need a moment to think." She thought about what Gibbs had said, they didn't have a special place, a special date, it always seemed they'd been together forever. She smiled then knowing exactly what he was trying to tell her.

Tony and McGee saw her eyes light up, saw the stiff set of her shoulders soften, but it was McGee who spoke first. "No hack needed I see."

Ziva smiled and carefully typed in the word Forever

She laughed aloud when the screen showered with pretend fireworks and congratulations swept into view.

"That's quite the statement just for figuring out a password." Tony squeezed her shoulder and made his way back to his desk.

Ziva knew the congratulations was about more than figuring out the password, but kept that to herself. Looking at the files loaded on the tablet she saw one marked private. The file names were labeled in Hebrew but when she touched on it everything inside opened in English. As the file opened she found downloaded books on pregnancy, birth and raising a toddler, there were links to websites with more information and even a list of baby names, a long list. Seems he'd been right and they'd found a way for her to do just what she'd wanted to.

She wanted to read those books right away, wanted nothing more than to sit on her couch with a bag of chocolate chip cookies and learn everything there was to know about motherhood. Instead she shut down the tablet slid it into her desk and turned her attention back to work. The sooner the case was solved the sooner her life could get back to its new version of normal.