I apologize for the long delay in this update. Real Life has been more than hectic and I started writing this one four times only to start over each time. I hope to get the updates up quicker in the future. I have so much planned for this story that it's just waiting to get out.:) Thank you to everyone who is following and reviewing this story.

Gibbs stared at the two dead bodies in front of him. He wanted more answers than he was getting but would be forced to wait. Ducky had just informed him that the unwrapping of the bodies hadn't led too much in the way of evidence. More traces of gold dust had been found along with traces of an unidentified powder Ducky guessed to be from latex gloves. He'd found small puncture wounds on the necks of each victim which led him to believe that that they had been injected with something that Abby was running a tox screen on. He suspected it was the cause of death being that there were no other injuries.

"Gibbs there is no point in standing there obsessing over something you can't change." Ducky stared at Gibbs for a long moment watching his face knowing something more than then case was on his mind. "Is there something you want to talk about Gibbs?"

Gibbs swallowed hard, glanced over at Ducky then back at the bodies. "Can't."

"Is it really can't or just won't?" Ducky stepped over to his desk giving Gibbs some space and time to think.

"Want to Duck but I can't. It's complicated." It was the truth. He wanted to talk to Ducky, about the case, about Ziva even about the baby. But, damned if he wasn't caught between the proverbial rock and a hard place. Ducky wouldn't tell anyone but the more people that knew the harder it was to keep secrets. Now more than ever it was important that as few people as possible knew.

Ducky watched Gibbs saw the frustration on his face and wished he could offer some sort of comfort. "I just wanted you to know I was here if you needed to talk Jethro." Ducky saw Gibbs glance at his watch, something he noticed the other man doing a lot of lately. He'd heard the rumors as much as everyone else, that Gibbs was seeing someone. But despite the women that had moved in and out of Jethro's life Ducky had never seen him anxious to leave work, the job behind. Lately he'd noticed him leaving work on time, taking longer lunches and even leaving early. There was even a rumor he'd put in for vacation time. It made Ducky smile, a happy Gibbs, more correctly a truly happy Gibbs was a rare sight to see.

Gibbs caught the stare and the smile "What's that look for?"

"Whatever you can't talk about seems to make you happy. I don't put much stock in rumors but if it's true that a woman is making you happy I'm glad." Ducky saw Gibbs half-smirk, heard the low chuckle and found himself laughing.

"As I said Ducky it's complicated. But yeah it's good, real good."

Ducky nodded. "Well then, when you can I'm sure you'll tell me more." Ducky glanced at the bodies on his table. "The screens will take hours and I will examine the bodies more but it's already late."

Gibbs shook his head lightly, knowing Ducky was urging him to go home. Funny thing was that work still made him happy, still gave him the satisfaction of a job well done but home, Ziva, that draw was bigger and it shocked him. "Yeah, it is. Probably should go home."

Ducky gave a wave as Gibbs stepped onto the elevator. Turning his attention back to the bodies he though back to a time when as a young man he'd had brief liaison with a young woman of Egyptian decent. Grinning he remembered she'd had a particular love of massage oil.

Ziva couldn't concentrate on her work. She was lucky she wasn't doing much of anything important. All the evidence, or lack of, gathered from the scene had been dealt with and until they had more from Abby or Ducky they were left shuffling paper. But still she couldn't concentrate. All she could think about was the baby. Having found out only that morning had left her little time to process the very real fact she was going to be a mother. Glancing at the clock she decided it was pointless to try to get anything more done. Besides she was tired and starving. She watched Gibbs step off the elevator and make his way to his desk. Biting her lip she cleared her throat and approached him. "Did Ducky have anything new for you?"

Gibbs shook his head, "Nope won't know much till at least tomorrow." Gibbs was ready to go home, it wasn't terribly early but it also wasn't as late as he normally stayed. He hated the fine line he was forced to walk between keeping the appearance of normal and living his life.

"I was hoping I could head out, I am tired and had plans this evening." From the corner of her eye she saw Tony smirk, it was the first time she'd ask to leave before the rest of the team and he hadn't failed to notice.

Tony figured Ziva was a brave woman, most of the time if you asked Gibbs to leave work early you ended up staying late. Then again they weren't exactly being very productive. It was a sad day when Gibbs' team was left to shuffling paper. Despite how promising the case had looked from the start the waiting was leaving them with not much to do.

Gibbs had to work carefully too hide his worry when Ziva asked to leave before anyone else. He wanted to ask her if she was ok, if something was wrong with the baby and he could do none of those things. Right in that moment he could have done with a stiff shot of bourbon. "Yeah, I think we should all head out. No point in wasting our energies here. At some point this case will pick up and then we might be lucky if we get to go home."

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Staring at her now empty plate Ziva took a deep breath she'd expected Gibbs to be less than thrilled at her suggestion. She'd expected the swearing and the pacing. She hadn't expected his flat out refusal. It had nothing to do with the bracelet she wore; it wasn't that sort of command. But he told her no and it had been all Gibbs the soldier that had forced that word out between clenched teeth.

"Not just no Ziva hell no." Gibbs was working hard not to yell but it was work to see through the haze of red anger and be civil.

"It was only a suggestion Jethro." Ziva felt her temper rise, normally she could reign in her anger especially when she understood Gibbs' anger came from his protective nature but tonight it was proving difficult.

"How can you even think about wanting her to know, to help you with this?" Gibbs tried hard to hide his anger knew he was failing and that pissed him off further. He slammed the fridge open and grabbed a beer.

"I thought it was a logical choice, she is known for her discretion. I would assume in her line of work she would know of a doctor who was equally good at being discreet."

"Dammit Ziva, Holly Snow does not need to know any more about us than she already does, not about the baby and I sure as hell don't want you being associated with her. You start showing up where she is, meeting with her in private….whatever. I don't want my….you getting that sort of reputation." Gibbs had to take a long abrupt swallow of beer. He'd almost called Ziva his wife, and from the shocked look on her face she hadn't failed to notice. When had he started thinking of her as his wife? It felt right, it was essentially what they were to each other. Hell even his lawyer had seen it that way but to verbalize it, he laid his head against the cupboard door trying to catch his breath.

Ziva knew what he hadn't said it shocked her more even than his concern for her reputation. It whisked away her anger bringing her to stand next to Gibbs, resting her hand on his shoulder. "Neshama I will not go to Holly Snow, I will not ask for her assistance on this. I came to you with it because I wanted to know how you felt about it. It obviously upsets you, so I will do this another way."

Gibbs pulled her into his arms, "I didn't mean to get angry Ziva, I yelled..I just…"

"It is ok Jethro, you do not need to say anymore." Ziva slipped from his arms and moved to the table to clear their dinner dishes.

Gibbs watched her move gracefully through the simple act of washing the dishes. He normally helped or did some other chore while she worked on cleaning up after dinner, tonight his mind was churning. "Ziva does it bother you that we aren't married?"

Ziva dropped the silverware she'd been loading in the dishwasher, looking up at him in surprise. Gibbs didn't talk about marriage, sometimes he alluded to it or commitment but not the actually subject of marriage. "Jethro, it is not like we have been together for years."

"Long enough Ziva and that isn't what I asked." Gibbs set his beer down focusing all his attention on her.

Ziva met his gaze but found it was harder than normal, "Jethro when I put on this bracelet, I committed myself to you. In my heart we are as good as married."

Gibbs smiled softly. "I know that Ziva, knew it that night. I don't take that commitment lightly or my part in it any less. I'm asking if it bothers you that legally we aren't married." He watched her eyes dance away from his, down to their linked hands, to the buttons on his shirt anywhere but his eyes. "I want the truth Ziva."

Ziva damned the hormones making her feel like crying. She couldn't lie to him; maybe she should have found a way despite his insistence of honesty. "I do not know how to answer you Jethro. I never want more than you can give. I love you and what we have. It has always been enough." she waited for him to say something to give her an out but he remained still and quiet. "Now though it would be a lie to say I have not thought about it. And after this morning, knowing about the baby I thought about it a lot today."

Gibbs caught her face in his hands tilting her up to look at him. It was moments like this that he was reminded of Ziva's youth. She was a strong, amazing woman and his equal in every way. Her youth didn't worry him like it had before but it did remind him there was much she hadn't known in her life. "Thought about it too. Wasn't going to mention it, because women don't usually appreciate that sort of thing right after finding out their pregnant. Or so I've heard. If I'm being honest Ziva I've thought about it lately too, before today." He almost laughed at the surprise on her face, almost until he saw the uncertainty in her eyes. "I wouldn't lie to you about something like this Ziva. I've been yours since the night you put that bracelet on. I knew what it meant to you and it meant the same to me. But if we're both being honest it isn't exactly the same as being legally married."

"I do not need it to be legal Jethro. What I need is you, that is enough." She met his gaze allowing him to see that there was no doubt in her.

Gibbs nodded, having so much more to say but knowing that he needed time to think first. He brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "I love you Ziva." then he let his hand slide gently down to her belly. He rested his hand there reminding both of them of the other great truth between them.

"I could not think this afternoon. I kept remembering the baby. It almost does not feel real." She saw Gibbs smile and knew he felt the same. He started to say something but stopped looking almost ashamed. "What? What is it you are not saying?"

"I just was going to say that it comes and goes that feeling, until they're born and then sometimes for a while after they're here." Gibbs stepped back running a hand through his hair. "I don't mean to draw comparisons ….

Ziva knew what Gibbs was referring to knew why he hesitated to say more. "Jethro it will not make me angry for you to talk about Shannon or Kelly I have told you before Talking about your family is not going to push me away."

"I've done this before but I was gone… deployed for most of Shannon's pregnancy and so I missed a lot" Gibbs took his half empty beer and tossed it in the trash. "I don't want to do that with you. I don't want to make mistakes with you like I did with the other women after Shannon. They should have meant something; I should have treated them better, made them part of my life not just someone in it. Somehow you and I we made this work, more than work we're happy. I don't want to screw that up by saying the wrong thing." Gibbs felt naked, vulnerable something only he ever experienced with her.

Ziva ran a hand through her hair saw Gibbs eyes flash with desire as she did so and smiled. "Jethro I am absolutely certain that we will screw up with each other at least once. One or both of us will say something wrong at some point. But I would hope, more than that I know that whatever we do to each other we can get through." She might have said more but a yawn fought its way out.

"Time for bed Ziva," Gibbs watched the flush of desire wash across her and felt his body respond in kind. "It's amazing to me that you want me like you do Ziva."

Ziva stepped into his embrace and pressed a kiss to his neck. She felt the flutter of his racing pulse and the length of him against her thigh. "I cannot remember a time when I have not wanted you. Take me upstairs and make love to me Neshama."

Ziva was surprised when Gibbs lit a candle on his dresser. The soft glow cast away the dark shadows in the room, catching his hair softly demanding her touch. As always he leaned into that touch his head resting against her palm. When they were alone Gibbs never failed to share his need of her or his love. As much as she was a different woman with him he too was a different man. One the rest of the world didn't see. His hands reached between them gently undoing the buttons on her dress. She was forced to let her hands drop from his face when he moved to push the dress of her shoulders.

Gibbs was awed by how much Ziva gave to him. She accepted him as he was, rarely asking anything of him. Yet he felt completed by her, the missing that had left him feeling empty before her was filled. Her dress hit the ground and he sucked in a breath at the way the candle light washed over her skin. She'd been wearing nothing underneath the dress. Her skin was made for gold, the necklace around her throat, the bracelet and the candle light made her appear almost luminous. His hand slid gently across her shoulder to her collar bone gliding across her chest until he was cupping one breast. His thumb grazed softly across her nipple. Her head fell softly against his chest, her soft intake of breath loud in the quiet of the room. He felt a rush of satisfaction in the knowledge that such a simple touch could make her feel so much. Brushing his lips against her ear he pressed a gentle kiss.

"I hadn't notice it before, wasn't looking but your bigger here. Just slightly but I can tell. Does it hurt when I touch you this way?"

Ziva drew in a breath as he swiped his thumb across her breast again. "No Neshama it is far from pain that I feel when you touch me. If anything I am more sensitive to your touch but in no way do I feel pain."

Gibbs let his free hand mirror the actions of the other, knew she was telling the truth when her hands grasped his shoulders tightly. "If that changes Ziva tell me, don't hesitate. I never want to hurt you."

Something in his voice told Ziva he was talking about more than touching her. She felt a wash of love equal to the pleasure he was creating take her. "You would not hurt me Jethro, but I will tell you." She felt him pause in his stroking and turned her face to meet his eyes. "I am thinking I should work on reading those books you downloaded for me. There is much I do not know about having a baby."

It was his turn to rest his head on her shoulder. "you said I would walk around all smug and I think you're partly right Zi. I know all the reasons we should be worried about this baby. But, all I can feel is proud. Amazed even that we created a child." he felt himself blush and was grateful she couldn't see his face. "I know that sounds….."

"It sounds beautiful." Ziva felt the wetness of joy on her face and brushed a thumb across her cheeks. That quick gesture caught his attention and he was once again looking at her. "I feel it too Neshama. You have given me something I never thought I would have. But, more than that I wanted it to be you. I had known for a long time that I would not have children; until I met you it had not really bothered me. Then I fell in love with you and that is when I felt the loss. Now even though I have no idea what I am doing I am excited rather than scared."

Gibbs felt his throat tighten with emotion. He pulled her close capturing her mouth with his own. Despite the desire raging through him his assault was gentle. His tongue thrusting softly into the silk of her mouth. His hand clenched in her hair the other on her bare hip.

Ziva was caught off guard by the gentleness of his touch. From the expression on his face she had expected his lovemaking to be laced with intensity. Instead every touch was a slow glide of pleasure. His hands traced every inch of her figure, minutes or hours could have passed and she felt herself pressed underneath him on the bed. Somehow she had missed him removing his clothing but it was hard to miss the slide of his skin against hers. Strength permeated every movement yet the gentleness was always there.

Gibbs had to hold back the urge to bury himself deep inside her the moment his bare skin met hers. It was even more of a struggle when gasped out his name. He managed a control over his body, taking the time to press kisses along the flat plane of her stomach. He wanted to take his kisses further but her hands in his hair tugged him back up her body caused him to chuckle lightly. "No patience tonight Zi?"

"I need you Neshama, inside me now." Ziva heard the low rumble of desire that was Gibbs' response. She felt him grasp her hips and ever so slowly slide inside her.

Gibbs knew he'd never know a pleasure that equaled that of being inside of Ziva. He'd imagined being with her many times but nothing compared to the reality of it. Her body fluttered around him alternately clamping tight and letting go. It overwhelmed him taking away all coherent thought.

Ziva felt a sweat break out over her body. Every movement Gibbs was made was carefully controlled the slow push of hips against hers was driving her out of her mind. Color swirled in her mind and her heartbeat thundered in her ears. In a moment she was flying apart in his arms driven over the edge by every gentle stroke.