So some angst for all of you still following this story. Very Shortly Haven and the rest of the case will pick up. I'd originally had one idea and it just wasn't working in my head so I had to go in a different direction. Thank you for all the lovely reviews they really help keep me motivated.

Tony knocked on the door of the penthouse suite, trying to calm his wayward stomach. Nerves had pitched a tent in the center of his chest and stayed there since he'd looked up to see her in the park. He'd managed to get home get a shower and throw on a suit. In that time he'd done a lot of thinking. Seeing Jeanne had him tied up in knots he knew why and it wasn't pretty.

Jeanne opened the door the smile on her face only slightly forced. As she looked at him she knew the night wasn't going to end the way she wanted. "Come in."

Tony stepped inside noticing she'd worn a dress that had been a favorite of his. There had been a time he'd slid the zipper of that dress down, tasting the skin of her back the whole way. Now, he only shoved his hands in his pockets and tried for a smile that was close to genuine. "Hello Jeanne."

"Thank you for coming tonight Tony, I know you were surprised to see me." She walked toward the bar and began pouring a drink.

"Just coffee Jeanne." He saw her hand still, saw the tensing of her shoulders and then she moved to the other side of the bar and began fixing his coffee.

She hadn't expected the awkwardness, or the way he held himself so carefully away from her. "How have you been?"

Tony approached her slowly, taking the coffee from her. He didn't miss the way her fingers brushed his as she passed him the cup. He was surprised when he barely registered that touch. "I've been good busy. Work is rarely dull, and as you saw I volunteer. Yourself?" his words were stilted as if they were only casual acquaintances and she noticed.

Jeanne felt pain lance through her midsection, an echo of what she had felt the day she stepped onto the elevator thinking she would never see him again. She wondered now if it would have been best if she hadn't. "I'm better than I was. I'm not working right now but I'm help with various charities, relief work and the like." Taking a deep breath and a sip of the drink in her hand she finally found him meeting her gaze. "I came back because I wanted to see you Tony but I'm getting the feeling you aren't happy to see me." It hurt to admit it but she was here for the truth at the very least.

Tony ran a hand through his hair, pacing for a full thirty seconds before he could answer. "I am happy to see you Jeanne. I'm glad you're doing well, that you've managed to get past everything…"

"What makes you think I've gotten past all of it?" He smiled and that too hurt.

"You wouldn't be here otherwise." He swallowed hard and in resignation sat down at the small table in the room. "I remember how we left things."

"I was angry, hurt…" reluctantly she sat across from him, hating the distance he put between them not just by sitting but with his words.

Tony sighed "You had a right to be Jeanne. It started out as a job; I truly never meant to become as involved as I did. With my job it happens sometimes that we have to play a role become someone we aren't. Getting to your father was imperative, I'm sorry if that hurts you but it's true, it had to be done. You were a last resort that no one wanted to go to. It was supposed to stay simple, but as Tony DiNardo I let too much of Tony DiNozzo come through. It wasn't fair and it wasn't right for either of us." He saw her tears carefully held in but just barely.

"Did you really love me Tony, I asked you before if any of it was real but I want you to answer me again." She flicked away a tear annoyed that she couldn't stay as strong as she wanted.

"A lot of it was real Jeanne and that's why I lied that day. If I had told you the truth it would have hurt more." He saw the anger in her eyes understood it and accepted it as his due.

"If you had told me the truth, we could have gotten past it had a chance." He was shaking his head again and again and she had the insane urge to slap him.

"No Jeanne we couldn't have. We would have tried, maybe even succeeded for a while but eventually how we started would have reared its ugly head. Today in the park I knew why you came back and for a few minutes I thought maybe this was a second chance for us."

Jeanne couldn't sit anymore had to force herself up from the table putting space between them so she could breathe. "And now?"

"After a little time to get used to seeing you again I know it isn't." he wanted to soften his words but she deserved his honesty as stark as it was more. "It would be the same as back then, we'd always have what happened haunting us. No matter how much you have accepted what your father was, what I had to do, things I should have done differently…" he broke off standing as well but moving to stare out her window, "I can see that you've changed, can tell that somewhere in the years you've accepted those things but that doesn't change what was. We would have to fight our past every minute of every day."

Jeanne shook her head mutely denying what he was saying until finally she found her voice again. "You're right Tony I've accepted what you did what had to be done in order to stop my Father."

Tony rubbed a hand on the back of his neck wishing he could give her what she wanted. "This suite Jeanne, how are you paying for it? Was it money left to you upon your father's death?" he watched her flinch and felt her shock as much as she did.

Jeanne hadn't expected that question, not even for a moment. It took her a full minute before she could compose herself enough to answer. "It's just money Tony. Where it comes from doesn't matter. I have the ability to help charities everywhere. I do good with the money, I would think that would matter."

Tony nodded, "It does but at the same time I know how that money came to be at what cost. I've seen too much, know too much…..I can't go back Jeanne."

Jeanne couldn't have hurt more if he'd slapped her. "If this is about his money…"

"No Jeanne it's about me and the fact I've moved on. For a long time I wished you would come back, imagined what it would be like to have you back. The reality is I don't love you anymore." It was the hardest thing he'd ever done to say the words. Harder still to watch her reaction to those words but the last thing he would do was lie to her again.

Jeanne knew she was crying, hated that she couldn't hide even that from him. She wanted to hate him just as much but it was easy to see that he was hurting too. It would have been easy to scream at him view him as the bad guy but for the first time since she'd met him he was being completely honest with both of them. The irony of that revelation was that it just showcased how right he was. That this was the first piece of honesty between them proved it couldn't work. "I understand." She wiped away a few tears, holding up her hand when he stepped just a bit closer. "Thank you."

Tony swung his eyes up to meet hers. "I really am sorry Jeanne, for all of it. For lying to you, hurting you and now."

Somehow she managed a smile that was at least partly genuine. "No, it's okay. I came back because I hoped we could make it work, because I missed you but standing here now I think you're right. I ran into Ziva today while I was shopping…" she watched his surprise, the tilt of his head as he tried to understand the coincidence and something else that made her chest hurt. "We talked for a few minutes, don't worry she didn't say anything she shouldn't have. I just wanted to know if I should even bother talking to you. She simply said I had to talk to you." She watched his shoulders tense, his entire body language changed as though everything about him were suddenly on alert. What that meant hurt more than the fact this would be their last goodbye. "I told her even if things didn't work out at least we could have a better good-bye. I hope we can have that."

Tony sighed on a nod. "I wish…" he didn't finish just felt her close the space between them and place a brief kiss against his lips. It was good-bye and it felt like a relief as he stepped back.

Jeanne nodded. "Yeah I know. Good-bye Tony."

Tony walked toward the door turning back with his hand on the knob. "Good-Bye Jeanne." He stepped out shutting the door behind him. Minutes later he was once again in his car trying to keep from driving to another woman's house. He tried to tell himself it was just because he wanted answers but that was a lie. Instead he drove with no destination at all until dawn started to creep into the sky and he was finally tired enough to sleep

GZGZGZGZGZGZ

Ziva had water on for tea, breakfast nearly ready and the table set for three. The last part making her the most nervous, Ducky liked to meet in the mornings and that was fine with her. She suspected he liked her cooking and it flattered her. Glancing at her watch she saw he could arrive any time so when Gibbs stepped out of the bathroom brushing his teeth she waived him back.

Gibbs shook his head with a smile and after rinsing his mouth came back out and wrapped her in his arms. "Not much on dramatic entrances Ziva."

Sticking her tongue out at him she pulled out of his arms to drop the tea in the hot water. "It is not that Jethro. I just want to ease into it; he will think he has to make up a reason why he is here if he sees you. I do not want him to feel awkward." As if on cue she heard a knock on the door.

Gibbs nodded. "Fine I'll stay in the kitchen until you call me but make it fast." He couldn't resist smacking her butt as she hustled out of the room laughing at the glare she gave him.

Ziva opened the door trying to hold back her own laughter. "Hello Ducky it is good to see you." She shut the door behind him feeling the nerves she'd held at bay biting at her again.

"Good morning dear, you are looking quite lovely today. And I do believe I smell breakfast."

"Thank you Ducky and of course I have breakfast and tea as well. But first we need to talk." She bit her lip and stuck her hands in her pockets.

"Are you alright Ziva, has something happened?" he set aside his coat and bag stepping toward her.

Ziva saw the alarm on his face and instantly felt bad. "Oh no everything is fine Ducky I am feeling very well. I just wanted to let you know the baby's father is here." She saw his eyebrows raise up and the very real surprise on his face.

"Well that's wonderful. Where is he?"

Gibbs stepped into the room trying to soften the hard set of his jaw, hating how much he wanted Ducky's approval. "Right here Duck."

Ziva watched Ducky turn very slowly towards Gibbs. Despite the seriousness of the situation she couldn't help but notice how Gibbs held himself stiffly as though waiting for Ducky's disapproval.

Ducky wasn't as surprised as the two in the room might have thought. He'd suspected for some time now that Ziva's mystery man was indeed Jethro. A trip down the stairwell behind them one day when they hadn't known he was there had been enlightening. It hadn't been so much what they'd spoken about but how they'd spoken to each other. He'd kept those thoughts to himself even after Ziva had revealed her pregnancy to him. She'd been serious when she'd told him she needed to keep her secret that had been easy to see. Gibbs watched him and Ducky had to smile it was just too funny stoic Gibbs waiting for a reprimand. "Congratulations Jethro."

Ziva saw her favorite smile break out on Gibbs' face watched him and Ducky manage a brief embrace the way only guys could manage. She also noticed that Ducky did not appear as surprised as she would have expected. "You knew?"

Ducky cleared his throat and straightened his shoulders. "Suspected dear but I was not entirely certain."

Gibbs caught Ziva's look and knew she was wondering as well what had given them away. Ushering Ducky into the kitchen he began making his tea. "What gave us away Duck?"

Ziva stood at the stove serving up their breakfast watching Ducky closely. He smiled reassuringly while taking his place at the table.

"You can both relax it was nothing in particular. A trip down the stairs one time, the way you stand in the same room, the way you Jethro spoke about the new woman in your life. To anyone that knows the both of you well enough it was obvious." Ducky watched Gibbs blush another rare sight and blew on his tea to keep from commenting.

Ziva saw Gibbs run a hand through his hair and after setting their plates on the table flicked a stray strand back into place. "I know, I need a haircut, been a little preoccupied."

Ziva smirked as she sat down. "I have no complaints."

"Good to know we aren't being obvious, but it's still important no one knows about us Ducky." Gibbs drank a long swallow of coffee and met the other man's gaze. "It's not just our jobs Ducky, Ziva knows I would retire in a second. There is something else I cannot discuss, another reason why no one can know."

Ducky nodded, "I assumed as much Jethro, yet you told me." He was genuinely surprised.

"Trust you Duck and didn't want to miss out anything." As he reached for his coffee he watched Ziva abruptly depart the table and knew she'd lost the battle with breakfast yet again. He shouldn't have been grinning when the bathroom door slammed but he was.

Ducky saw both Gibbs' concern and his smile. "You know this I'm sure but this will pass and in some ways it's a good sign."

"Yeah it passes but in the meantime it's a real pain in the…." He stopped and chuckled. "How could it possibly be a good thing?"

"There is some antidotal evidence that women who suffer from morning sickness have less risk of miscarriage. It's not always the case but again not a bad thing either. Before you start to worry Ziva is doing well, everything looks fine. The blood tests showed her hormone levels for this stage of pregnancy are just where they should be. And the closer she gets to twelve weeks the lower the risks get."

"Thank you Ducky for doing this for helping us. Not a lot of people we can trust." Ziva finally came back in the kitchen and pointed at him.

"Your child is as troublesome as you are."

Gibbs laughed, and heard Ducky do the same. "You okay?"

"I am fine, I should just learn to not eat until after ten o'clock only then does this child seem to behave." Reaching into a cupboard she grabbed some crackers and munched, moving out of the way when Gibbs cleared the dished from the table.

"Do you really think it's possible we will hear the heartbeat today?" the possibility had her hands shaking slightly with excitement.

Ducky grinned. "We will try my dear, it's a bit early but you are very slim and that helps. If we don't you shouldn't be alarmed. I'll meet you in the living room."

Ziva watched Ducky head into the living room, watched Gibbs start to follow and snagged his hand. "I am glad we decided to tell him, I wanted you here."

Gibbs brushed back her hair tracing the curve of her face. "This is good Ziva and you never waste good." After a brief kiss he led her into the living room.

After a quick check of her blood pressure and pulse, both of which were in normal limits Ziva laid back on her couch and lifted her shirt.

Gibbs watched Ducky squirt clear gel on Ziva's stomach and slide a microphone looking device across her stomach. She jerked slightly but when looked at her she just smiled. "Cold"

Ducky slid the wand around slowly moving low on her abdomen trying to pick up any sound. For the first few minutes he found only hers. Just as he was about to tell her they would have to try again in a few days,the digital readout alerted him the heartbeat he had just picked up was not hers. Raising the volume he watched as both Ziva and Gibbs focused in on the sound.

Ziva saw Gibbs' recognition of the sound filtering through the air before her. The rapid beat like hummingbird wings had them both frozen gazes locked together. "Jethro it's…" she couldn't continue feeling the words trapped in her throat behind a sob of joy.

Gibbs tightened his hand around hers feeling the sting of true happiness in his eyes. "Yeah."

Ducky glanced at the numbers on the digital readout and made a notation in the chart he was compiling for Ziva. When he looked up he found Gibbs watching him. "What do those numbers mean?"

Ducky gave him a reassuring smile. "That is the baby's heart rate and before you ask it is right where it should be." Ducky gave them a few more moments before shutting off the Doppler and handing Ziva a towel to wipe away the remaining gel.

Ziva cleaned her stomach and pulled her shirt back down with less than steady hands. "Thank you Ducky, I do not have the words."

Ducky worked at tucking everything back in his bag trying to hide that he too was affected by being able to share in such a special moment. The quick hug from Ziva made him smile as he gathered up his coat and hat.

Gibbs followed him as he made his way to the door. "You don't have to leave Ducky."

Ducky patted him on the shoulder. "But I do Jethro, I have plans this afternoon and you two will want to be alone. Enjoy the rest of your day."

Gibbs shut the door behind Ducky watching out the window to see if perhaps they were being watched, seeing nothing out of the ordinary he turned back to Ziva. She sat on the couch looking slightly stunned, finding a spot on the ground just to her left he grabbed her hand and held tight.

"You okay?" She looked at him with watery brown eyes and the rush of love he felt made him glad he was sitting down.

"I feel so blessed Jethro, I never thought I would know any of this; you, a baby, right now it seems very hard to believe it is all real." Letting her hands run through his hair the silver strands anchored her to the fact this was her reality. His blue eyes watched hers filled with love and happiness, yet in her own heart she felt an arrow of grief.

Gibbs watched a myriad of emotions play across her eyes but a sudden hint of grief made him watch closer. "Zi?"

Ziva shook her head not wanting to ruin the moment; his fingers on her chin forced the words from her anyways. "How did you survive Jethro? This child isn't even born, I've only just now heard it's heart beating and already I know if anything were to happen I would be devastated, I cannot imagine how….." she stopped herself when her voice broke.

Gibbs felt the familiar ache of grief take him, even stronger when he saw his pain reflected in her. Sliding up next to her he pulled her into his arms. Resting his head atop hers he didn't fight the sadness she so obviously shared with him. "Don't know how to answer that Zi. For a long time after I wasn't really alive, I existed for one purpose, to find the man who had caused their deaths. Even then there were a lot of days; nights I sat with my gun in my hand wishing I had the courage to pull the trigger."

Ziva gasped past the tears running down her face, trying not to let them break into full blown sobs. Even though it had been before she had met him and he was solidly alive behind her the fear of not having him shook her. She couldn't find the words so she simply held onto the lifeline that he was and listened as his rough voice told the story she knew only from speculation in a file.

"After….after I killed Hernandez." He felt the surprise, the way she fit herself closer to him, knew she was shocked he would say it out loud. But saying it, admitting it to her a fellow warrior had a weight lifting off his shoulders. "I drifted couldn't seem to think clearly, still thought about ending it all but after all I'd done I wasn't looking forward to hell. So I just moved through each day, one at a time. Joined NIS did whatever I could to keep from thinking, remembering. Some people keep a shrine; I couldn't…couldn't look at their things. Took a day to pack it all up store it right and then I drank myself sick. Hasn't been since being with you that I've felt anything like the man I was before they died." He felt her face turn into his chest, the moisture of her tears soaking through his shirt made it hard to hold back his own. Together they held each other sharing the grief and the gift of all they were and had been.