Broken Promises

-Kiyoko Michi

Summary- The world was going to hell, and there was nothing anyone could do about it. Not anymore. The Shredder was growing stronger, the resistance was pitiful, and Raph's family had long since broken apart. Now, all he can do is wait.

Note- For those who care, I have now uploaded the companion story/sequel to this- And So It Goes. It'll be a chapter story, starting when Don arrives in the future.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,

But I have promises to keep,

And miles to go before I sleep,

And miles to go before I sleep.

- Robert Frost

There had been a time when the city had been Raph's refuge. A time when it has been his escape after the frustration of living trapped underground or the constant fights with his brother got to be too much. Raph had always treasured the freedom of breaking away from the stifling sewers and expectations, the freedom the wide open city had offered. He'd been proud of what he'd done to clean up his city and of the fear he could always invoke in the never-ending lowlife. But it had been ten years since he'd found any peace in his city. And the years had not been kind to his city.

The glimmering lights that had once illuminated the city had gone out one by one, and the city (which had never been the cleanest in the first place) had started to stink with neglect. What had once been a constant cacophony of noise had long since fallen into a stifled, scared silence as the people scurried around. Even the familial skyline was being replaced by monsters of a factory that belched dank, foul smelling smoke day and night. Raph's city was dying. Had been ever since the Shredder wrestled control of it and began using it as his base for his continued conquests. Raph couldn't even take the same joy he'd always found in his careless runs around the city with the Shredder's constant patrols.

Instead, when he wasn't in the mood to pick a fight with some Foot, Raph would often end up sitting perched on the edge of a tall building, letting his mind wander. It was the closest thing to peace he could find anymore. Lately, Raph found himself spending more and more time staring out across the city, thinking about Don. Where everything had stared.

It had been so long since he'd last seen Don, but his mind kept returning to his missing brother even after all this time. To all the things he could have done, should have prevented. After all, he had been the only one to find out what the future could hold. It had been him that had finally managed to tear Don's story from him after the fiasco with the Ultimate Drako so many years ago, when their family was still whole.

They'd all noticed the change in Donny after they'd returned from that battle- hell, how couldn't they? Donnie had barely paid any attention while they'd shared their adventures, and he had flat out refused to say anything about where he'd been sent. Even when Mikey started pestering him, Don had just gotten up and walked away, locking himself in his lab. He had stayed there the rest of the night. Even Splinter had been worried then, and even Splinter hadn't been able to get anything out of Don. He'd just been brushed off as well, with Don saying that he would be able to handle it alone.

Don had been like that back then. When he was in trouble or hurting, he always wanted to work it out himself. He'd usually isolate himself to deal with whatever was bothering him, and then find a way to fix it. He was just a private person like that. And we assumed that he'd just figure it out himself like always, or end up going to Master Splinter like the rest of us if he was having trouble.

But this time, Don hadn't gotten better. He'd tried to pretend that he'd gotten over whatever had happened to him, but it was obvious that something was seriously wrong. Don'd started getting paranoid, flinching at the smallest thing and alternating between avoiding all of us and looking like he never wanted to let us out of his sight again. And sometimes he'd just… space out. Not spacing out like he usually did, when he had an idea or was thinking about some problem he was working on and you could almost see the wheels turning in that big brain of his, but just… blank.

He'd just sit there, motionless, staring out at nothing with this lost look on his face. Most often it happened when he was working and he'd just stare vacantly at the computer or machines or whatever he was holding until someone snapped him out of it. Then he'd just shake it if off like nothing was wrong, like he wasn't slowly breaking apart in front of us, and keep working.

Raph'd finally gotten fed up with in a couple of weeks in. Fed up with everything about it, and furious about how Don just kept denying everything. So he finally snapped. Picked Don up after he saw one of his little panic attacks in his lab, slammed him against the wall, and flat out demanded that Don tell him what the hell was wrong. And he did. It took some convincing, some threats, but Raph'd always had a reputation for being a stubborn bastard when he was serious. And when one of is little brothers was having nightmares so bad he'd wake up choking back screams, it was serious.

Raph'd seen the exact moment that Don finally realized he'd have to tell the truth. Don's face had just kind of… broken. Raph could still remember the look of devastation on his face as Don finally started to choke out what had happened to him. How he'd gone to some future (parallel future, alternate future, their own future, they hadn't known, none of them had) and how everything had gone to hell. Donnie had told him everything. How Shredder'd somehow gained control, how there was barely a failing resistance and Mikey was the only one in it, their broken family, Splinter, Mikey's arm, Leo's sight, his own eye, how he and Leo had hated each other … and how Don had watched all of them die. Don had watched his family die.

And when it was all over, when Don had finally finished the entire, horrible story, Don had blamed himself. For being the only one to survive, for making the plan in the first place, for not being there for his brothers, for disappearing in the first place… Don had looked so small then, curling in on himself in guilt. Raph hadn't known how to comfort his brother, so he just held him close, trying to convey to him how his brothers were still alive, would never blame him or hate him no matter what happens.

Then Raph had sworn to Don that that future would never come true, that Raph would never just let Donny disappear. That what had happened didn't matter because he was here now. And Don had trusted him. Had trusted his older brother to take care of him.

After they had finally finished, Don had been exhausted. He'd gotten next to no rest in the week since the Ultimate Drako's appearance, and the little sleep he'd been forced to get had been riddled with vivid nightmares. Raph'd though that, considering the look of undisguised relief on Don's face, the release at having finally shared the story, he'd finally be able to rest. So he'd ended up silently bringing Don to his room, where he collapsed onto his bed. Then, when Raph had turned to leave, Don had stopped him.

Don had grabbed his arm, looked him in the eye, and had made Raph swear that, if anything happened to him, if that future started to come true, Raph would never let their family fall apart like it did. That even if he and Splinter died (and Don had ignored his fervent denial that anything like that could ever happen) Raph would make sure that his family never fell apart like it did. That he would stop the split between him and Leo no matter what, and never leave Mikey alone. So Raph promised. And Don went to sleep, calmed.

After that, things had gotten better. Don had started to relax again, had stopped blanking out on them and the nightmares started to slow. Leo and Mikey noticed the change, but never confronted him or Don over it. They probably figured out that Raph had talked to him, and had trusted him to have fixed whatever had been wrong. Don had gotten over his visit to the future, but that hadn't stopped his disappearance.

And Raph hated himself for that.

Raph never forgot the horror he'd felt when a frantic Mikey had burst into his room asking if anyone knew where Don was. It had been almost two years since the Ultimate Drako came. Mikey had gone to wake Don up, but he hadn't been in his bed. Or his lab. Mikey had searched the entire layer, and Don was nowhere. Raph was immediately alert, making the connection to the long ago talk of a hellish future where Don disappeared.

They had immediately woken the rest of the family, and none of them knew anything about Don. Don hadn't left any messages that he would be gone later than usual, hadn't made any abnormal plans. Shell, none of them even remembered him leaving at all last night.

But for Don, random trips to the Junkyard were common, even in the middle of the night. If Don realized he was missing some part he needed for whatever he was doing, he'd often stop right then and there to go on a quick sprint to the junkyard, his mind still half immersed in what he'd been doing.

It wasn't even uncommon for Don to go on random runs through the sewers or topside regardless of the time after one of his experiments failed spectacularly. One of his experiments could have silently failed, and Don could have left to let off some frustration before bed. Heck, it was even possible that he had wanted to make some quick fix to the security system outside the lair that was starting to mess up. His trips outside the lair had been so common and so quiet that they had stopped paying attention to them long ago. Don never even bothered to let them know about them anymore they were over so quickly. So they had expanded their search.

Nothing came up in their search of the junkyard. No sign of Donnie or of a fight. Then they started combing the rooftops and the sewers, all of Don's normal routes. Nothing. It was as if Don had just… disappeared. For Raph, the first few days had been a blur of panic and searching. He'd hoped that if he just found some early clues, searched harder from his knowledge of what could happen, he could prevent it from coming true. Find something the other Raph hadn't that would lead to Donnie.

Leo and Mikey hadn't understood his desperation- they were almost out of their minds with worry, but still couldn't compare to his frenzied searching. And when they confronted him about it, Raph hadn't been able to tell them. They were so certain they'd find their brother- it had never even crossed their minds that they wouldn't. He couldn't take away that hope, let alone tell them the rest of the nightmare.

And then the days turned into weeks. Weeks stretched into months, then years. They searched everywhere, even traveling far outside of New York to investigate anything, anything that might lead to a clue. But they never found it. They never found anything that could lead to their brother, not even a clue to who had taken him.

During their search, they'd all noticed the Shredder starting to expand, to gain greater control in both politics and over the criminals of the city. They'd noticed, but had ignored it for their search. Even Raph had. He'd believed, hoped, that just finding Don would prevent that future. All that knowledge, all that foresight and chance to stop the Shredder before he gained too much of a foothold, useless. Even as the first years without Don passed, as that future started to take place, Raph had remained in denial of what was going on around him.

It had taken his eye to finally get him to acknowledge what was happening. He had finally accepted the future, had been forced to admit that he was living it, when the Elite had carved it out five years after Don's disappearance. That was when he realized that Don was truly gone for good.

And he started to pray that Don was dead.

He was living the future that Don had gone to, and he knew that they would never find Don. No matter where they look or what they do, Don was gone for good. So Raph prayed to anything, everything that might be listening that Don had died quickly. Because Raph can't bear the thought that his little brother could be experimented on, tortured, for five years, ten, thirty… better dead than that.

And throughout the searches, the attacks, the years, even after he'd given up on finding Donnie, Raph had remembered that desperate promise Don had made him give for Leo. And he had tried so fucking hard to keep it. Even in the first horrible weeks of Don's disappearance, even when both he and Leo had been stretched to the breaking point, he had done his damndest to control his frustration, his fights with Leo. And for a time, he had.

The fights hadn't stopped, not even close, but Raph had made sure they never went too far. Even when he wanted to scream at Leo, blame him for Don's disappearance (because he couldn't stand being the only one who could have stopped it, couldn't be the only reason Don was gone), he had left the lair instead.

And when Splinter died… when Fearless had forced a retreat instead of staying (and Raph didn't care if it had been hopeless- he'd rather have died than abandon their father like that) he'd spent a week away from their family. If he'd seen Leo during that time, not even his promise could have stopped him from attacking him. Even the knowledge he'd gotten from Don about what could happened to Splinter hadn't helped the agony of losing their father. So he'd stayed away.

The final blow had come when Casey died. He'd convinced Casey (not that he'd ever needed much convincing) to come out on one of their patrols of the city. Then they'd been ambushed. They should have seen it coming, should have called for back-up as soon as they realized just how outnumbered they'd been. But they'd been overconfident. Had believed, even after all the death, that they'd be able to force their way out of any trouble. By the time Raph'd finally called Leo and Mikey, it had been too late. He and Casey had been separated in the brawl, and one of the more skilled Foot had managed to get in a good hit. Leo and Mikey had only gotten there in time to save Raph as he was falling from blood loss, but it was too late for Casey.

When he'd woken up, when Leo told him that Casey had died… he'd lost it. All that anger, all that frustration and pain he'd been suppressing since Don's disappearance had come pouring out. Leo's caution in the first weeks after losing Don, their desertion of their father, the neglect of the Shredder until he got so strong… he'd lashed out, cutting into the wounds and guilt he knew Leo still held. He'd tried to hurt Leo anyway he could.

And the things he had said… the things Leo had said. It hadn't been the end of their brotherhood, but it had come close. Things had never been the same after that. They'd tried, they'd both tried so hard to stay a family, but it had been impossible to forget that fight. Raph had started to spend more and more time outside of the new lair, even finding his own, abandoned place to sleep. Soon, he was spending more time outside of the lair than in, fighting the Foot on his own instead of as a group. It was just easier that way.

Even as he was breaking it, he'd never forgotten that promise to Don. He'd come so close, so many times, to trying to come back to his family. To apologizing to Leo, trying to remake their family again even if it was just three, not five. But every time he has tried, the old resentment, old pride shows up. It almost always ends in another painful fight.

The breaking of that final, desperate promise was almost more painful than the first one. They had lost Don out of carelessness, out of his arrogance. Raph had believed that nothing would happen to Don, nothing could happen to Don because his big brother was watching out for him. Because Raph would rather have died then let anything happen to him. It hadn't even crossed his mind that he wouldn't get that chance. So they'd lost him.

Then with Leo… with Leo he had known what would happen. Don had warned him that they would fall apart, that Splinter and Casey would die, and Raph had still let everything happen. He had seen the slow disintegration of their ties, but had been too weak to stop it. Don… Don had always been the one who had held them together. Not him.

Raph does still try to keep up with Mikey. He knows how the deaths, the shattering of their family has hardened him, how the cheerful little brother he once knew is all but gone now. And it hurts to see Mikey like that, to know he was at least partially the cause of it. But he's still his little brother, and Raph has to try to help him.

Now, Raph is waiting. His Don had come to this future, and when he finally arrives, when he can finally see Don again, the Shredder will fall as well. Sometimes, that knowledge is all that keeps Raph going. The knowledge that eventually, the Resistance will win and Raph will finally be able to apologize to Don for not being able to protect him. For letting their family fall apart. And when he finally sees him, Raph's not sure he'll be able to stop himself from warning Don about his disappearance. Raph still remembers the dangers of messing with time from his meeting with Renet, but somehow he can't bring himself to try to just let things happen the way Don described.

Maybe, if Raph warns him about what happened, if he tells him the exact day that his Don disappeared, he'll be able to stop this from happening. Raph won't fool himself into thinking that he could just erase his own life, but if he can just stop this from happening, even just in one alternate dimension… Raph couldn't let any Donnie, or any version of his family, suffer like this if he can help it.

But there's nothing he can do now. Raph lets out a long-suffering sigh, standing up from his rooftop perch. He's already spent too long letting his mind wander. He should be finding some Foot to hunt or screw up one of the Shredder's plans. Maybe find out some info he can send to April- he may not be part of the Resistance, but he tries to help her and Mikey when he can. The Shredder's constantly working towards something now, so there's always something he can mess up. He still has to fight, to contain the Shredder, but nothing he can do now will speed up Don's appearance. Now, he can only wait.

And he still has twenty years left.

~.*.~

AN- … I think I just depressed myself.

Please, please comment. On anything. This is the first fanfiction I've written, so I really want to know what people think. Even if it's just an "I liked it" or "I thought it was confusing" or "You're an insult to writers everywhere. Delete this." Flames are both accepted and encouraged (if you really think it's that bad) :). I did write it partially in chunks, so it might be a bit disjointed. Overall though, I am decently happy with this one-shot.

I adored the idea of SAINW but, personally, was really disappointed with the episode. I was unbelievably excited about an episode where you got to see what happened if the bad guy actually won and everyone died in the end, but I thought the actual plot was way too quick, too many plot holes, and the death scenes actually made me laugh they were so overdramatic. So I'm starting a story about SAINW that I'd like to read.

The problem is, my plot is pretty uncertain as of now. I have a basic plot/some sub-plots, but I'm still looking for more/a way to connect things. Since I'm writing the story based on what I didn't like about SAINW, I'd like to know what other people were disappointed with/liked about the episode.

Also, disclaimer- don't own anything.