Ziva watched Gibbs staring out his window, a quick glance at the bedside clock told her dawn was still hours away. "Jethro?"
Gibbs turned away from the window letting the curtain fall back into place. "I'm sorry I woke you." With a sigh he slid back into the bed next to her. "I called Mike." He let his hand wrap around hers pulling her close till she was nestled against his chest. "I should have never let this get this far." He felt her tense against him the stillness of her against him and swore out loud. "I don't mean it like that Ziva. I love you, more than you can know, more than I thought I could. As soon as we knew you were pregnant I should have put a stop to this, the risk….is to great. And now there is nothing I can do to change that risk."
Ziva felt the steadiness of her heart rate return. For just a moment she'd thought the unthinkable. She tried to find the words that would soothe him, shake away the fear that had enveloped them. "You called Mike why?"
"Another set of eyes, I guess." He traced the peaks and valleys of her fingers slowly. "Felt like the right thing to do. I want you to stay here from now on; I don't want you alone at night. I know you can take care of yourself…."
"You do not need to explain Jethro; of course I will stay here. We should probably put up a camera or two in the house in case someone tries to come here. Mine as well." She felt him nod against her and move his hand to cover the swell of her stomach.
"The baby is active lately." Gibbs took a moment to simply savor the joy in sharing this moment, forcing away the fear that seemed so intent on controlling his every thought.
Ziva didn't have to force the thought. "Yes, always moving or poking me. It is nice, except for now when I need to use the bathroom. I will be right back." She kissed him briefly as she slid from bed throwing on her robe as she went.
Gibbs watched her walk away, felt the instant loss of her from beside him. The chill of that loss, the emptiness of the space next to him forced a shiver across his skin. Logically he knew she was just in the next room, but his heart clenched with pain, a shot of foreboding forcing him from bed. Only after he'd checked all the locks and placed a second gun within easy reach was he able to settle the fear to a bearable level. Pulling Ziva who was watching him carefully, back into his arms he quietly held her knowing sleep would be a long time coming.
GZGZGZGZGZGZ
Gibbs looked up from his desk to see Mike stepping off the elevator. When he'd called him the night before and told him he needed him to come, Mike hadn't questioned why. Simply said he'd board the first flight he could and be there. Mike knew about Haven, most of the details at least. Mike had joked about wanting to see the pretty waitress he'd made friends with on his last visit but Gibbs knew it was more than that. Mike had always had his back, always been someone he could count on.
Gibbs glanced at Tony and McGee as they greeted Mike. He'd only just finished speaking with them about what had happened the night before. He'd expected them to question the feeling he and Ziva had to question why they suspected they were now a target. Instead they'd just nodded and agreed that they needed to be more cautious then they had been. Mike took a few minutes to tease Ziva about the baby and glance in surprise at Gibbs. He hadn't shared that bit of information over the phone. Gibbs managed a smile but it was work. His entire being was tense, full of worry for what was coming and how on earth they could possibly be prepared for it.
"Hey Probie thought I'd drop in and surprise you again. Got room at the Inn?" Mike knew he'd be staying at a hotel nearby but for those listening kept up the ruse.
"Doors always open." Even that was a lie one that was easily said. As they'd left that morning he'd double checked that his normally open door was firmly locked. A quick chat with McGee had assured him that before the evening news that night a state of the art camera system would be set up in his house.
Mike tossed his bag behind Gibbs' desk and tried to pretend he didn't notice the tension in his shoulders. When trouble brewed Gibbs was always ready but with a pregnant wife and far too many secrets it was clear the strain was taking its toll. "Anything an old NIS agent can do till quittin time?"
Gibbs smirked and pointed at the stack of folders on his desk. "That's everything we have on the most recent case we're working. Fresh eyes never hurt." Truth was Gibbs was hoping Mike would see something the rest of them had missed.
"Works for me, you got five minutes first, I need to smoke?" Mike watched Gibbs roll his eyes and point to the elevator.
"I need more coffee anyways. Be back in ten guys." He gave Ziva a quick smile, the returning curve of her mouth was reassuring that for now at least she was safe.
Only when they were in the elevator did Gibbs feel the sharp whack of Mike's hand on the back of head. Giving Mike a sharp look he refrained from commenting on the smack and instead stepped out of the elevator stopped at the coffee cart and remained silent until they'd reached a spot far enough away from the building to talk.
"I notice a ring on her finger did you finally figure out she was the permanent type?" Mike laughed aloud at the dark look Gibbs gave him.
"Knew from the beginning she was. Just needed time to convince her I was a good choice…." Gibbs grinned at his own comment and then chuckled. "Though to hear her tell it she never doubted it, crazy woman."
"And a father again, that one surprises me. Good though, good for both of you." Mike stubbed out his cigarette and saw Gibbs roll his shoulders. He expected another smile instead his eyes found a hard resolution.
"It is good but it makes the risk for her even higher. At this point the case doesn't matter, even if we had a lead it wouldn't matter. I won't put Ziva at risk any longer. I should have put a stop to this long ago." Gibbs swallowed with difficulty on his coffee. The brew was unusually acidic and forgoing any more he tossed the cup in the trash.
"I'm sure she would disagree with you on that. Fact is that woman knows how to take care of herself. Probably half the reason you love her the way you do. She's a fighter and you need that." Glancing at his watch Mike brushed a hand through his hair. "Speaking of which she promised pizza for lunch and you know you can't get good pizza where I live."
Gibbs managed half a smile as they made their way back inside. "That's true though the beer is good."
The pizza had long since gone cold and Gibbs watching Ziva again. She was sitting, frowning while holding a hand to her head. Instinct had him wanting to reach out and rub her temples, but he managed to hold back. "Everything alright Ziva?"
"Just a headache and I am a little tired." She sighed and managed a smile. "I did not sleep much last night." She ignored Tony's chuckle knowing it was all for show because it was something he would have done before he'd known it was Gibbs keeping her up late. It had been her inability to calm Gibbs' unspoken fears that had kept her staring at the ceiling until the early morning.
He almost told her to go home early but the thought of her being alone for even a moment was enough to make his pulse race and force him into a cold sweat. "You could lie down in Abby's lab?"
Ziva shook her head, "She has someone working with her this afternoon and I do not want to interrupt. I will be fine."
Gibbs wanted to offer to take her home but he had a meeting with Tony in MTAC in twenty minutes. Mike had left an hour earlier to manage a room and meet up with the waitress he apparently had actually been infatuated with. "You could hang out in one of the interrogation rooms?"
"Actually boss I needed to head out early I could drop Ziva off at home on my way." McGee made it clear in the way he looked at both Gibbs and Ziva he didn't have anything to do but instead would remain with Ziva. The relief on Gibbs face gave McGee a small puff of pride. Gibbs was often a hard man and though McGee felt he'd earned his stripes he wasn't always certain Gibbs felt the same.
Ziva saved Gibbs from having to wonder how she would feel about McGee's offer and smiled. "I would like that I do not feel up to driving." The headache would pass; she had them now and then and knew from reading that they were a result of the rapidly changing hormones pregnancy had thrust upon her. She gathered her things and shut down her computer yet. "I should be fine with some rest you all should come over for dinner later."
Gibbs knew she was just reiterating their plan from earlier that morning and still he hesitated to agree. Instead he nodded, "Sounds like a plan. Before you go got a minute?"
Ziva nodded and followed him to a nearby hallway that at least for the moment was vacant. "It is not a very bad headache Jethro just a small one. If we had not already been planning to have McGee set up security at the house I would not even go home early."
He looked at her carefully saw that as always she was telling the truth. "Still try to rest and be careful."
"You know I will." She glanced around quickly and stepped closer, she kissed him briefly resting her head in the curve of his neck. "I love you Neshama."
Careless of who might happen upon them Gibbs pulled her closer savoring the feel of her in his arms. "I love you." A sound alerted them and she stepped back nodded in her typical fashion whenever she was in the field. When no one appeared they both laughed and smiled. She walked back toward their desks giving him a quick smile over her shoulder as she did.
GZGZGZGZGZGZ
Gibbs stared at the phone in his hand, the road in front of them and listened as again and again Tony hit the redial button on his phone. In the backseat he could hear Mike lighting up and didn't even care, was in fact tempted to ask for one himself. He was pushing the very fine motor of the car and even with lights and sirens was damn lucky they all hadn't ended up a greasy spot on the road still he felt like he was wading through quick sand.
"Still no answer on McGee's phone." Tony felt a rush of ice run through his veins as he thought of the many possibilities that meant McGee was unable to answer his phone. The last half hour Ziva hadn't answered either which was why Gibbs was throwing his phone at the console in frustration. Not far behind them was Vance and backup but as another shudder of fear ran through him he knew without a doubt they were already too late.
Gibbs swerved onto his street slamming to a neck bracing halt in front of his house. A quick glance showed no obvious signs of disturbance. McGee's car sat in the driveway the boxes with his tech gear no longer in the backseat. His head was a rush of sound as he made his way through his unlocked front door, any other time he wouldn't have been surprised by that but that simple reality had dread sweeping across his skin. Gun ready he swept the room with his eyes. Samples of paint, wallpaper and matching fabric for the nursery were strung across the floor of his living room. He froze his blood running instantly cold. Next to him Tony and Mike were equally quiet. "Zi….?" Dreaded silence met his question; stepping further in the house he found broken glass and water spilled on the floor. Another look showed pictures crooked on the wall, books from the bookcase spilled open in a doorway. Tony and Mike had guns drawn searching the house but all he could see was drops of blood along the wall and floor; dots of red obscene to his eyes. Again and again he called her name only to hear his own voice bounce back at him.
Tony and Mike reentered the living room at the same time. A quick glance at each other before looking at Gibbs revealed they'd found nothing. They didn't have to speak could see Gibbs understood felt his pain as a nearly inhuman sound ripped free from his throat. Much like the cry of a wounded animal the sound sent a shiver down their spines.
Gibbs couldn't breathe; his lungs struggled so hard for breath he thought for a long moment he might simply pass out. His hands reached out to touch the blood on the wall but somehow he managed instead to hold back. He knew evidence was in that smattering of red. It was possible it wasn't hers, that single hope was the only thing keeping him from bringing the gun to his head and punishing himself for failing yet another woman. It took all his effort to set the safety and holster his weapon. Still he couldn't make his feet move no matter how hard he tried. His soul was splitting in two, his body fragmenting into tiny pieces that might never be put back together. His eyes burned and moisture streaked down his face and still he couldn't move. She was gone.
Tony had felt true terror as he'd searched the house hoping to find Ziva mildly injured somewhere waiting for them. No sign of McGee other than the overturned boxes of tech items. The emptiness of the house had run a chill further down his spine. But that fear, that terror paled in comparison to the fear he felt as he watched the strongest man he'd ever known threaten to break. A glance at Mike told him he was seeing it as well. Gibbs was like a statue staring solidly at a streak of blood on the wall, body physically shaking. He seemed beyond saving, the look in his eyes so far away Tony wondered if they would be able to reach him.
"Gibbs?" Mike spoke roughly barely above a whisper but even though he knew he could be heard there was no response. Gibbs suddenly seemed far older than his years, a darkness settling around him like a shroud.
Tony watched Gibbs continue to stare at the wall, the blue eyes not connecting with anything or anyone it made him shiver. He glanced at Mike "I can't find either of them." He expected some sort of reaction from Gibbs and still there was nothing.
Gibbs knew logically he was of no use to Ziva; if she was even alive, in his present state but he was lost in a kind of madness. His mind wouldn't release the pictures that played in his mind. He'd seen too much in his years lost too much, he could easily see Ziva broken, bloody, and dead his mind was silently screaming. He hadn't been there for Shannon and Kelly that was his penance his punishment for choosing his country over his family. He'd chosen saving strangers over protecting Ziva and their child, and he was again paying the price, Ziva was paying the price or already had. He thought of those bodies in the morgue wrapped tight in linen and his mind replaced those strangers with Ziva. His stomach rolled his brain seizing with pain. Something was wrong with him, he knew time was passing but it was passing around him and still he couldn't move. The madness whispered at him forcing his hand to caress the butt of his gun. He'd known this loss before and he knew he couldn't survive it sane again, was most likely in fact currently going out of his mind.
Tony saw cars pulling in the driveway, lights flashing and the chaos about to reign almost caused him to miss the subtle shift of Gibbs hand to his belt. Cursing he stepped to Gibbs' side and drew the gun from his belt, shoving it in his own waistband and still the other man didn't seem to notice. Tony felt grief bite at him and he had to swallow hard to ignore the naked agony on Gibbs' face. Ziva was missing, possibly dead or at the least likely injured, heavily pregnant and Gibbs was disappearing in front of his eyes. Hell only knew where McGee was and Mike was trying to direct traffic as he tried to keep Gibbs from disappearing to wherever he'd gone. As Vance and the rest of the team stepped in the house he straightened his shoulders and faced them.
Gibbs felt a hot wind wash over him and wondered if this was hell. He certainly deserved to be here if it was. Trapped in the cycling images of death; Shannon, Kelly and a broken Ziva he could easily understand why the devil had chosen this hell for him. Physical pain coursed through him, knifing through every part of him tracing the path Ziva had made to his heart. He heard the dark whisper call to him again; the call to ease the swirling pain in his mind, laced with the red of blood he almost gave in. Almost reached for the knife Ziva had given him only days ago, a fitting end for his failure.
Suddenly pain exploded across his face, a teeth rattling blow of bone hitting bone. His mind snapped out of the darkness it had almost surrendered to and he found himself face to face with Mike Franks. Gibbs felt like he was pulling himself from a nightmare. Lights flashed against the walls in his house, only moments ago the sun had just been starting to set and now it was fully dark. Around him stood his team watching him with something akin to terror on their faces. In front of him Mike was shaking his hand, flexing his fingers. "What the Hell Mike?" then he remembered, saw the blood on the wall. He looked around hoping to see her standing there, that it had indeed been a nightmare. Sound whispered in his ears a rush of grief and then there was Mike. Somewhere in the haziness he saw a stumbling McGee holding ice to his head and knew that was meaningful. Still his mind nearly drifted back to hell.
"Probie, dammit don't make me hit you again." Mike grabbed his shoulders trying to hide his own fear. Despite the noise, the chaos of people and sirens Gibbs had been unmovable, unresponsive nearly cationic, the hard right to the jaw had been Mike's last resort.
Gibbs stepped back and almost shouted at the pain of that movement. His body hurt as though he'd taken a beating. He shook his head trying to make sense of everything. Glancing at his watch he nearly staggered at the time. He glanced again at Tony, and to the rest of them, he felt the burning shame of weakness. How could he have lost such control? He shoved his hands in his pockets only to notice his gun was gone. His head snapped to Tony a thousand questions he couldn't bring himself to ask out-loud.
"You dropped it thought I'd hang onto it for you." It was a lie and nearly everyone in the room knew it but he wasn't about to shame the man who'd been more of a father to him than his real one.
Gibbs swallowed hard and ran his hands through his hair. Mike stepped up him forcing coffee in his hand. Grateful for the interruption he took it and his weapon that Tony almost seemed reluctant to give back. He did his best to reassure him with his eyes that he was far more stable now. Instead he stared into the coffee cup for a moment until he finally found his voice. "Is there any sign of what time she was taken?" He heard Abby sob and he almost joined her.
Tony felt slightly better with Gibbs speaking after glancing at Mike and Vance he didn't let on he was repeating himself and told him what they'd found. "We told her to start the coffee and it had been started, the pot was full but hadn't self-shut off yet. Which means not more than an hour before we got here. We've already dropped a net, closed the airports etc., we might have a clue though." He glanced at McGee.
McGee still holding the ice to his head trying to stem the guilt he was feeling gestured to the wall next to the front door; there smudged in blood was a small roughly drawn H. He was almost afraid to draw Gibbs' attention to the mark, afraid it would set off whatever had happened again. Instead he watched anger settle in his face.
"Haven" Gibbs spit the word out bitterly. Rage filled him had his free hand clenching into a fist the desire to harm to maim anything nearly overriding his good sense. Swallowing hard he glanced back at McGee. "You okay?" He recognized the guilt on McGee's face but saw also a burn on his neck and the dried blood on his cheek.
"Tasered him and when that didn't work pistol whipped him." Tony volunteered the information that McGee seemed reluctant to share.
"Concussion?" Gibbs saw McGee ignore his question and look away. "Go get checked out gonna need your help later." He turned away looking around the room trying to ignore the techs tagging and photographing his home. Vance had been there at some point he knew that yet when he looked around he couldn't find him. Tony caught his look and pointed outside. "He's on the phone."
Gibbs nodded and pointed toward the kitchen. Tony and Mike followed but everyone else seemed intent on gathering evidence. Abby gave him a rough smile but he couldn't find a way to return it. Once in the kitchen he leaned against the counter running a hand through his hair. "I don't know what happened out there."
Tony watched Gibbs closely, there was a definite shift in the man from hours before but aside from understandable grief and anger he couldn't place it.
"You stood there for over an hour probie." Mike bit on a cigarette but did everyone the courtesy of not lighting it.
Gibbs shook his head not wanting to believe what he knew to be true. "I can't explain it." Truth was he wouldn't explain it. The madness was still far to close; to hungry for him he fought the battle with his mind for his sanity silently. For now he could focus on finding her, but he knew from the way the two men watched him that he'd almost been lost. He tensed when he recognized Ducky was standing in the doorway. His hands clenched the counter shame again punching him in the gut.
Ducky kept his voice low, "A fugue state Jethro, or at least that's what I suspect." Gibbs fixed him with an icy blue stare one he'd never seen before an edge of anger never before directed at him. He stopped from stepping back but only because he didn't want to further upset Gibbs. "The state is usually short-lived, ranging from hours to days, but can last longer. But you should know it's not a psychiatric disorder more like a form of dissociative amnesia and among other things a stressor or traumatic event can cause them."
Mike watched Gibbs recognizing the pain and grief on his face like an echo from the past. Gibbs hadn't moved no matter what he'd said or done, only stood staring at the blood on the wall as though possessed by the devil himself. "You just needed to process everything."
Gibbs still didn't feel like he was entirely in the present. Part of him felt broken, lost and it hit him like a fist it was her. She was gone; the one he would have strategized with, the one he loved with, had become whole with. She was gone, possibly dead and his body couldn't accept it any more than his mind could. He dropped his head into his hands trying to fight the wave of grief that threatened to crush him. He had to work so hard not to cry that his jaw clenched painfully. He drew on every reserve he had, every technique he'd learned and for a moment he slipped back into the darkness, it welcomed him soothing the jagged tears where joy had lived. He embraced that darkness this time, shutting the door firmly on anything resembling the peace he'd found with her. It wouldn't serve him now. He lifted his head to find Abby had entered the room, was watching him when he focused on her she shuffled in place and finally spoke.
Abby had been the last to arrive, and she was still trying to process all that she'd seen. Knowing Ziva was gone broke her heart, and watching Gibbs had been equally heart breaking. Now though he stood in front of her suddenly distant and cold. She told herself it would pass and managed to speak. "The blood on the wall was Ziva's blood type. However she has a fairly common type so.."
Gibbs didn't allow her news to register on his face. Inside pain tore at him trying to fight its way out but he contained it, fed off it and only nodded to her. "What else did you find?" He could see she was holding something back and refused to wait.
"Outside on the edge of your steps we found traces of gold dust." Her own blood had run cold at that discovery. She could too easily see the previous bodies they'd found and imagine Ziva the same way. Bringing her fist to her mouth she bit back a sob wondering how on earth Gibbs managed to stay so calm, so cold.
"We should get to NCIS, we can do more from there." He watched as they hesitated, only to filter out slowly as Vance walked in.
Gibbs released his grip on the counter feeling the painful rush of blood returning to his fingertips and savored the sensation. He stepped back spared a quick glance at the counter noticing that there were freshly cut vegetables sitting there but no knife. His heart stuttered briefly until he glanced to the butcher block and all the knives were accounted for, even her favorite. When he turned back Vance was still watching him.
"You going to be ok?" it was a damn stupid question but Vance didn't know what else to say. Whether he liked it or not Gibbs was known as a legend, tonight the legend had faltered and still no one was saying anything.
Gibbs almost lied, knowing he needed the resources at NCIS, but he couldn't force the words out. Too much lying had gone on that he couldn't bear the weight of it anymore. Looking at his boss he raised his chin, "No." then he walked out of the room.
Hang in there, I wrote the next few chapters almost in their entirety nearly a year ago. I've been waiting for the story to reach this point for so long. Hope you enjoy. :)