Extended Family CH 2
Declaimer: I own none of the characters in this fic except in my warped and twisted mind but that dose not stand up well in court.
'Ranma's thoughts'
Panda signs
"Speech"
Mornings are for New Beginnings and Revenge
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
"DIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE YOUUUUUUU PEEEEEEEEERVERTTTTTTTTTT"
"IEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"
Those and many other screams were heard through out Nermia. 'I wonder how fast the idiots will get here' thought Ranma as he went into the living room and jumped up into one of the corners of the room near the door. 'Hmmm its 7:00 AM and my flight leaves at 5:00 PM I guess I can only watch the fun for five hours, damn airport lines'. It only took the NWC an amazing five minutes to converge on the Tendo Dojo. A new record.
They gathered around the table like a war council… well more like a freak show meeting. There they were. Shampoo, Soun, and Genma, (who had the head of a mouse, beak of a toucan, body of a panda, tail of a squirrel, antlers of a deer, eyes of a snake, hands of a gorilla, legs of a flamingo, and was female to top it all off) looked like skittle commercials gone horribly wrong. Two Happis both sitting on the ground, one gagging and chugging Listerine (when he first got to the table he tried to smoke his pipe) and look very weak at the moment, the other giving off an aura like Akane when she is very very pissed. Nodoka was sitting there trying not to laugh at everyone 'She must not have checked her sword yet' thought Ranma. There was no sign of Ryouga 'Damn I was hoping to get to see pig boy sufferer oh well he going to be naked with no supplies, cover in S&M gear and itching powder, and had his sense of direction well I guess that is a good punishment, but I still wanted to see it' though the pig tailed protagonist (for those of you who don't know what that means it means the good guy in this case… ok maybe not 'good' guy right at this moment so main character). Ukyou sat there looking a hurt about the message on her head but still was very pissed about her restaurant was uninhabitable for a unknown amount of due to the place smelling like something Akane cooked. The Tendo Daughters were the funniest site however. Akane was somewhere in between the tremendous rage, embarrassment about her new equipment, and blind lust looking at Shampoo, Ukyou, and Mouse in that order. It was fun to watch her squirm. Nabiki could have frozen a bonfire with the look she was giving the table and occasionally scratching in a very unlady like way. Kasumi was living up to what was written on her forehead and bring in tea for everyone and preparing extra food for all of the guests
'I wonder what kind of spice I put in the tea I never bothered to check the labels on the spices I put everywhere oh well more fun because it is a surprise' though Ranma.
Mouse had wondered out into the back yard attacking random objects saying they were Ranma, he was doing more damage to himself than the yard thanks to Ranma's modifications to his arsenal of weapons, the best part was that the idiot had yet to stop and think about how stink bombs, glue, joy buzzers set on kill, and various other self destructive items were in his robes. One of the Happis cleared his through and got everyone's attention. The meeting of the mindless was about to start.
Just as Ranma was thinking about the possibility of multiple magic spices/potions on the human body the door to the living room slammed open. There stood Kuno in all of his "glory" decked out in full samurai battle gear and carrying a new sword.
"Hold foul villains I have come to aid my noble ally and fellow samurai Soatome in his never ending battle on the foul witch Akane, who tries to poison the world with her vile concoctions of the underworld, and her evil minions." Cue the thunder and dramatic (stupefied) silence. "Prepare to die foul creature" so saying Kuno jumps at Akane form across the room his sword held high.
Akane sat there looking at the oncoming Kuno the look on her face was priceless somewhere between astonishment, fear, rage, lust, and just plain surprise. Just before Kuno could do the first worthwhile thing in his life by driving his sword through the head of Akane, Cologne shot a ki blast off at him knocking him into the wall.
"I see the foul witch has now summoned demon monkeys to fight for her but I fight on" shouted the by now dazed Kuno. Kuno stood up took a dramatic pose and then fell to the ground his body smoking.
"What the hell is going on here" asked a confused Ukyou.
Kasumi was handing her some tea and responded "Oh aliens are probably coming to take over the earth and have taken over Kuno but don't worry the magic fairies will stop them with there mighty powers over nature". Everyone was suddenly staring at Kasumi with wide eyed looks of surprise 'o.k that is weird I wonder if she always thinks like that and the truth potion was making her tell the "truth" about how she really sees the world or she sampled all the dishes she is cooking and the potions are making her higher than a hippie at Woodstock' though Ranma for his hiding place.
"O.K that is interesting and kind of creepy" Ukyou turns to face Nabiki "Nabiki do you have any idea of what happened"
"No… I masturbate at least once a day" More silence was heard in the house of Tendo the only sound were Mouse's shouts at inanimate objects and his cries of pain in the following seconds.
"What did Mercenary Girl just say?" asked Shampoo.
"That a girl can I watch next time?" asked Happi after doing a spit take with his Listerine. Ukyou had taken too many shocks to form a response to that statement and set there. Akane was now staring at her sister drooling a little then falling back into rage the drooling again it was a vicious cycle that lead her thinking process form sex to violence sex to violence it was amusing to watch.
Kasumi was bringing in snacks "You know I once made a clay snake when I was little… the hardest part is getting the feet on" said Kasumi 'O.k maybe it is the potions' though Ranma. Cologne was sitting there drinking the tea that Kasumi had brought out. 'mmmm considering that most of the potions and spices that I took had love/lust as the affect, wait oh god, a 300 year old Amazon trapped in a males body chasing men around what have I done… MWHAHAHA this is prefect' It took all of Ranma self control to not burst out into evil laughter. Nodoka and Genma both shouted "Nabiki!!!!" in a horrified tone o.k Genma held up a sign with a lot of exclamation points. Soun started crying saying that his little girl was turning into a women.
"My deepest fantasy is to hmm mm…" at this point Nabiki had the good sense to cover her mouth. Soun's water works were soaking the room and got onto Shampoo cue a freaked out cat in Technicolor at this point neko Shampoo freaked and after a few seconds of standing there shocked sprang for the ground toward her grandmother but due to her "new" body and being unfamiliar with it she hit Nabiki and knocked her hand for her mouth. "… then I lick all the whipped cream form his body and then he punishes me for being naughty."
Soun was now crying saying that his little girl was so much like her mother. That drew some more stares. Cologne was about to whack Happi on the head for staring at Nabiki and asking her about how she masturbated when she suddenly had little hearts in her eyes 'mmmmmmm I wonder if it is a lust or a love potion' then she suddenly sported a lecherous grin that looked truly frightening on Happi. Kasumi was bringing in snacks so no one saw Cologne slink over to Happi a whisper something in his ear. However they did her his shouts of terror and saw him try to run only to be taken down by Cologne and was being dragged up to his room. 'o.k Happi is down for the count and will probably be scared of women for the rest of his life and mentally scared. Cologne will be severely punished for doing "that" with a criminal like Happi and the fact that a "smart ass" like myself escaping her'.
Everyone was staring in horror has they watched a lust crazed Cologne dragged a weaken Happi up the stairs and to his doom/room. Ukyou could not take any more and fainted into the plate of snacks that Kasumi had put in front of her…. she started to twitch and occasionally scream while she slept 'wow even the smell of those potions can do some weird stuff'. Genma, while everyone was distracted, started to grab other people snacks and eat at high speed. 'Dose eating magically tainted food really fast affect the effect of the magic?' Apparently it did because as Genma was stealing Soun's snacks he stopped looked up saw Soun and tackled him and was trying to rip his cloths off. 'ahhhh it burns but it burns in the flames of vengeance. Oh this is rich they have been wanting to unit the school for so long and now they are… now that is just sick and wrong'.
"Husband what are you doing" shouted a shocked Nodoka. When Genma didn't stop she drew her "sword".
"Oh Auntie what a nice family butter knife you have now you can truly butter toast with honor in the morning. What a great way to start the day" said Kasumi. Nabiki was to busy hurling in the corner to notice and Shampoo was starting at the staircase in silent horror. Nodoka was staring at her family's honor butter knife and then collapsed woodenly onto the floor. Akane was staring at horrific fascination at the scene in front of her.
'Let's see I think that I got all of them hmmm now what' as Ranma was thinking this Kuno had recovered and was preparing to attack.
"Now you summon abominations of nature to perform wicked rituals to your dark lord I will not stand for this." Kuno was still shaken so when he struck his attack missed and knocked a cup of tea onto Akane and his sword was now stuck in the table 'oh boy that passion point plus that potion in the tea it is over for Akane's chastity… wait can she even have chastity right now… no I don't want to even go into that that will only led to a very bad place'. Due to Akane's lowered resistance form the passion point she was doomed the moment she turned to look at the attack and saw Kuno. 'Joy. Kuno is getting his fondest wish to be with Akane, only now finally realizes that she is a demon instead of a goddess and Akane gets to have the memory or raping Kuno. Two birds with one stone and I grant a wish in the process dose it get any better.'
Nabiki was backed into a corner staring at the scenes in front of her with horror and at the same time scratching all over but she could look away form the evil acts that were taking place in front of her. Shampoo had fainted after going upstairs to "save" her grandmother. Kasumi was walking around asking if anyone need anything 'Very creepy' and then walked over to Nabiki and said
"Now stop that Nabiki scratching like that is not very lady like. What would mother say?"
Nabiki just stared and then said "I wet my bed until I was 13"
"I know Nabiki and I'm very proud of you" this continued for a while and pushed Nabiki's sanity to the brink talking about her deepest secrets in a room while her father and sister were "occupied". Outside it sounded like Mouse had attacked a transformer and was currently experiencing what it felt like to be a bug that had run into a bug zapper, got back up, and did it again just to show the zapper who was boss. 'I think that my work here is done but time for finishing touches'.
Getting out was not difficult though he did have to step over the blacked and burned Mouse. After dropping off the photos of Nabiki at the school Ranma called his buddies at the police station about some illegal immigrants at the Tendo Dojo, a cat that needed a good home but it was highly sensitive to hot water, the Legendary Panty Thief , a runaway genetic experiment that needed taken to a secure lab for testing, the local loan shark Nabiki was ready to plea guilty to all her crimes all you needed to do was ask, and a few people who were going to need some serious counseling or a nice trip to a padded cell.
This being Nermia and coming form Ranma the cops called in some reinforcements, animal control, and the new Nermia mental hospital, this was the prefect place to study almost every known metal disease known to man and even some that hadn't been discover yet. Why just this morning they discover a man who though he was a women chasing two other men in dresses around the ward waving large signs about becoming a true man with there help. They were tranquilized and taken back to the preserve for further study, the new director of the hospital used to be a star on the Wild Planet Channel, something about crocodiles, he was the only person who would take the job saying something about going into the most dangerous environment he ever been to.
'That should do it mmmm my current wardrobe is not right for Britain at all and stands out to much.' Before going to the airport he walked around to a local mall and picked up some jeans, a few t-shirts, a light jacket, and some self heating thermos. He also let his pig-tail down into a pony-tail. He was ready to go he could pick up the rest of the essentials in London with the money his Aunt had given him. Life was good. Has he began his trip to the airport a thought struck him 'I wonder what happened to Ryouga'?
In a temple in some unknown place Ryouga was hanging hog tied in reinforced steel chains wishing he was dead. After landing he had wondered onto this temple and hoped that they could help him find the Tendo Dojo and some clothes. After getting the nuns attention with this really weird knocker, it was a ball gag, these really nice nuns had taken him in and gave him some really good food and afterwards he felt like taking nap. When he woke up he had been hung up and had started screaming for help. Then he had learned the horrible truth. He had found the lost temple of the S&M and his arrival had, to them, been a sign of the gods and he was to be there greatest challenge. They had started with the usual of whips and such he had laughed at them they started to try other means again he laughed. The nuns had left for a while and come and he knew that he was doomed they now matched the magazines that he had seen in Akane's room but they carried metal whips, boiling oil, and steel wool instead of the whips, candles, and feathers the people in the magazine carried. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" was heard all over Japan for a moment and all men shuddered hearing it and new that one of there own was doomed. Ryouga would eventual escape but he could never look at a woman again without shivering.
For some reason Ranma felt that justice was served by a very vengeful judge and started to whistling a happy tune on his way to the air port.
Authors Notes- wow, I never though that I would such a response for these fic thanks a lot it has really got me into writing this fic. The feed back has been a great help. Pre-reader need it anyone interested? I know that my grammar sucks but I usually write in random busts and I am usually more concerned in getting the idea down rather then spelling but I will work on it. Oh well next time Ranma has fun messing with airport security and finally gets to London. Happy Halloween. Next Update by Friday.