Disclaimer: Standard disclaimer bah bah I own only my own warped imagination that came up with this twisted story.
'Ranma's thoughts'
(Authors rants/explanation)
Friendly Skies are the Most Annoying
Ranma had been feeling good as he walked to the airport he had time to spare and thought that it would be nice to walk through Nerima for one last time. He had a nice walk relived some of the better memories, the walk was kind of short due to lack of places to visit. He got to the airport six hours before his flight, he was proud of that he was almost never early so these was quite an achieve for him, he planned to get on the plane early and catch up on some of the sleep that he missed last night. Little did Ranma know the true horror of the airport and its security.
It started the moment that he entered the place. There were people everywhere and all of them had the feeling of people who wanted to strangle someone for something. 'I feel comfortable here for some reason, like I'm really used to being here and have been here a million times. I wonder why?' Ranma was now dressed in a pair of loose black colored blue jeans, a blue t-shirt that had the words "Let me drop everything I'm doing and work on your problems" 'For some reason this shirt seems oddly appropriate' , some new running shoes and a black wind breaker. His ponytail was a problem at first, he got it caught in the automatic door at the clothing shop, but it was working out nicely. With a pack he bought at the mall, it was mainly for show it would look kind of odd if walked onto a flight to London with nothing but the clothes on his back. He walked up to the airport terminal to ask directions to his flight. It all went down hill from there.
"Excuse me sir but can you direct me to flight 648 to London gate 76?" asked Ranma.
"Well I could but then I would have to take time out of making sure that the airport is running properly and make hundreds of people wait while I answer your oh so important question" answered the clerk that was currently playing game-boy.
'Asshole' "O.K I'm sure that reaching level seven is important and all but could you please direct me to where my flight is" said Ranma.
"Fine, but for your information its level 78 so respect my L33T skill or I will summon my hordes of ninjas and their mad skill will destroy you". (Now for Ranma the odds of this guy having hordes of ninjas with mad skills were kind of high so, well to Ranma's mind anyway, so don't let this response throw you off)
"Fine I respect your L33T skills for reaching level 77, so now that we have established that can you please tell me where my flight is?" asked Ranma.
The clerk stared at Ranma with wide eyes "You respect my L33T skill and believe about my horde of ninjas with mad skills."
"Yes o.k. can you please help me find my flight"
"No one has truly ever respected my L33T skill or my ninjas"
"O.K fine can we get past the L33Tness and the ninjas and work on actually helping me find my flight sometime in the foreseeable future or not"
"Sure not problem"
"O.K which way is flight 648 to London and gate 76"
"It is somewhere in that direction" he waves at the rest of the airport "You can't miss it"
"Wait a minute you don't know where it is?"
"No, I work on the computers and was fixing this one" the clerk pointed to the consul in front of him. "I was on my video gaming break"
"Wait a minute you have a video game break"
"Yep it is under the L33Tness clause in my contract"
'This is just stupid I need to get out of here before something weird happens…. O.k. weirder than meeting this loon' "Thanks for the help bye"
"Anytime may the L33Tness be with you". After getting away for the clerk, before getting out of hearing range he heard him shout "HA FEAR ME YOU 2-D BITCHS NOTTHING CAN WITHSTAND MY L33TNESS MWHAHAHAHA FEAR MY NINJAS" at that point he saw a couple black clad figures hiding in a artificial bush, one of them waved at him, 'I knew that an idiot like that would have ninjas'.
Ranma wandered around the airport asking people if they knew where his flight was or asking directions to a guide. Most people gave him a smile and helped him but a few were just assholes who either went on about how irresponsible young people were, how he should have his act together, or told him in plain terms to Fuck Off. At one point, o.k. maybe 7 or 8 points but at one in particular, he had to go through security and he saw one of the guys that was especially insulting him and all his family, he didn't care about Nodoka or Genma but that included his Aunt and that was something you did not mess with. Seeing that the guy was going through a metal detector and decided to make the guy for talking about his Aunt like that (O.K people you all know how Ranma was about his mother in the series well take that and square it and you got how protective he is about his Aunt he is). Using the Way of the Sneaky Thief Ranma got up next to the metal detector and waited.
"All right sir, please remove all of your metal items and place them in this tray and then step through the metal detector." Said an attendant.
"Fine just hurry up and get this over with I have more important things to do than stand around a talk to you imbeciles" said the soon to be sorry man. BEEP.
"Sir please remove all of your metal items form your person."
"I did you idiot this machine is obviously broken"
"Fine we'll try another one". BEEP.
"Sir please removes all of your metal items," said the attendant again.
"Look you twit I did what do you want me to do strip down to my boxers". Evil smile form the attendant.
"Hey wait I am not stripping"
"Sir for the safety and piece of mind for all of the people on that plane we are going to have to make certain that you are not carrying anything that will endanger the plane". "I'm not going to strip".
"Fine then you are not going to get on that plane." After about five minutes of back and forth and a couple more BEEPS the man finally gave in.
"Alright sir please now step through the detector" The man now in heart covered boxers walked through the detector. BEEP.
The attendant now had a really creepy smile "Sir I'm afraid that you will need to be more thoroughly searched you are a security risk."
From somewhere in the back there was a snap. For some reason everyone who heard it pictured a large bald man putting on a latex glove and a smile on his face that said that he liked his job a little too much. At that point Ranma felt that justice had been served and it was time to get to his flight.
After continuing through security, delays, and just plain stupid people and questions he finally got to the last check point before his plane. 'This blows I have been in security for FIVE hours I was hoping to take a nap at the rate that this is going to be lucky to catch my flight.' As Ranma got closer to the check point he finally saw why the problem was that the security was being a jerk and a prev he was "frisking" every good looking women that came by a little to thoroughly and was taking a little too long in doing his job in certain places.
'Now this is just annoying and he should not be doing that to women' (Ranma may recognize women are not weak but he still has his knight in shining armor complex going on). When he finally got up to the front of the line he was tired of this guy and decided to do something. The guard in an arrogant voice that people with a little power get when they are felling full of themselves, said "Sir please open your coat".
Ranma nodded and facing away from the people behind him and the cameras, not an easy feat but when you can detect amount anything in a 20 foot radius it gets easier. Opening his coat the guard was speechless. On the inside of his coat were enough guns to take out a platoon of soldiers in full combat gear. The guard blinked and shouted "What the fuck" but after the blink all that was there was a small thermos.
"What it is a thermos with some special tea I need to drink for a condition I have" said Ranma in a voice that oozed innocence.
"What the fuck was that just now!" said the guard in almost a shout.
"Sir there are children present I'd appreciate if you don't do that" said Ranma
"Shut up, up against the wall"
"Oh have you gotten tried of felling up women and want to try men now" the women inline and the ones waiting for friends or family on the other side of the check point either smiled at Ranma or glared at the guard.
"BE QUITE" the guard started to frisk Ranma and found a gun in his pocket "AHHAA"
"Will you please stop trying to fondle me?"
"I know that you have a gun in there"
"What you don't have one and are jealous"
At that point another guard had shown up and saw what was happening. "O.K Bob (universal name for random dot people expect to see a lot of them) take it easy, you need to take a deep breath and calm down." Said guard number two.
"This guy has got a gun I know it"
"Bob do you really think that security missed a gun this is just a last check to confirm ids for the tickets and small stuff like knifes"
"I don't care that guy has got a guns a whole coat full of guns and explosives"
"Sir" said Ranma "Would you check so that we can move on and get on the plane"
"All right sir please open your coat and pull out your pockets" Ranma did it and all that was there was a thermos and a sunglasses case.
"May I go now," asked Ranma?
"Yes sir sorry of the delay and the misunderstanding"
As Ranma walked away he saw Bob being led away by another guard and being given funny looks by the people around him. After five and a half hours in security and various other delays he finally boarded the plane. 'ALRIGHT nap time' (Its Ranma, sleep in an art form to him and one of life's greatest joys: like eating). After sitting down and all most nodding off.
"Excuse me sir would you like a drink or something to eat?" asked a perky stewardess 'ARRRRGG' "No thank you miss". After another five minutes and just about falling asleep
"Who you like a pillow sir?" asked the super perky stewardess
'God damn it' "No thank you" said Ranma. This time ten minutes, he wait her out he knew just as he was about to nod off so he waited, finally he was sure that she was gone he finally began to doze off.
"Sir can I have your attention" asked the stewardess from hell.
'Someone is going to die' "YES what is it"
"We are going through emergency protocols we need you to pay attention" said the stewardess.
After ten minutes of the same old airline safety protocols and Ranma adding comments in his head like 'I'll use you as a floatation device', 'Come on like I would never think of that by myself', 'If this plane crash manages to kill me, when a demi-god could not, then the rest of you are screwed', and 'Stewardesses go down with the plane right'. Finally the plane way ready for take off and the captain and co-pilot made there preflight announcements. "Hello this is your captain speaking today we are making a flight from, goddamn it where did I put that map, oh here it is form a Tok-y-o to Lon-d-on and the flight should take anywhere form 16-20 hours and I will make it my mission to get you there as fast as possible with as little safety as it takes. Wait the other way around. Oh well. Here we go. Oh wait here is my co-pilot" "Ah goo goo me am co-pilot" "oh did I mention that he is trying some new drugs for a company but don't worry they say that he is still capable to fly."
'Oh god'
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Authors Notes: ARRGG sorry for the delay in the update but my weekend was busy. Friday my internet connection decided to take a holiday I worked for ten hours Sat. then crashed at a friend place and saw the Incredibles, good movie, and my internet was still fucked up Sun. I know that they are excuses so sorry once again. I would like to thank all of my reviewers you guys really are an inspiration for me to get off my ass and write this thing. So in short thanks and keep those reviews coming. I'm taking votes to see if anyone wants me to do an interlude about what happens at the Dojo when the police, zoologists, and men for the "special" hospital arrive. Oh a hint for future chapters is crossovers lots of crossovers.