Chapter Five: "Santa Knows Everything…"

"Goku, now tell me the truth—what really happened to your mouth?"

"Chichi, I told you! Santa Claus punched me in the mouth after I sat on his lap! And you know what's really weird? He called me Kakarot; I thought only Vegeta called me that."

Chichi, perplexed, looked at her husband. "He called you Kakarot?"

Goku nodded, as he shoveled a fourth bowlful of rice into his mouth. He had been glum all that day, feeling bad that he had upset Santa. Chichi hadn't held much sympathy; she thought that a grown man like Goku had no business sitting on Santa's lap in the first place.

"Hey, do you think…" Chichi murmured, but then shook her head. "Nah, no way…he would never…"

"Who would never do what, Chichi?"

Chichi arose from the dinner table and walked past Goten's empty seat; Goten was out on a date. "I have to make a call; go ahead and finish."

"Call who?" Goku asked with his mouth full.

"Bulma. She hasn't said much about what her husband's been up to lately…"

Vegeta was sitting upon his Santa throne, with a more somber Perky by his side when a stern-looking black woman, dressed in scarlet Sunday best, marched up to his throne during a rare slow period. The little boy behind her was prancing along and grinning. Vegeta emitted a soft groan, for the boy looked very familiar.

"Andrew?" he asked.

"Hiya, Santa!" Andrew chirped. "I took your advice yesterday—and guess what? Butchie will never pick on me again!"

Vegeta grinned and clapped his hands together. "Good boy!"

The woman crossed her arms and glared at "Santa". "Oh, yes, Santa, he was good alright—so good that he put Butchie in the hospital for a week! Now little Andrew here is suspended from school until New Year's.'

"So I get an extra week of vacation!" Andrew whooped. But then his voice lowered and he whispered, "Even though Mommy says I'm grounded until Christmas Eve."

"You grounded this boy for defending himself?" Vegeta demanded to know from Andrew's mother.

"I told him not to get into fights and turn the other cheek—and look who tells him to do otherwise—Santa himself! I thought that Santa would tell my son to do the right thing!"

"I did, woman," Vegeta snapped from beneath his snowy beard. "Do you want your son to grow up to be a coward and a weakling? You should be proud of him for standing up for himself! And what sort of school forbids children to fight—I never understood Earthling schools—"

"Earthling schools?" the mother asked, puzzled.

Just then, Perky intervened. "Look, ma'am, Santa didn't go to an ordinary school—it wasn't a school for humans. Santa may not have given the best advice, but he told Andrew to do what he did, well, because Santa was so upset about what was happening to this poor child. He didn't mean any harm, and Andrew can do the right thing by apologizing to Butchie—and perhaps you and this Butchie's mother should get together and talk. Santa was just trying to help. He just wanted Andrew to be safe, that's all. No child should have to go through what Andrew did—being afraid to go to school every day."

The mother looked at Perky thoughtfully. "Perhaps, you're right. Andrew hasn't been happy lately. I'll talk more to his teacher and Butchie's mother." She bent down towards Andrew and took his chin into her hand. "Andrew, it's going to be alright, but no more fights…you tell me or a teacher from now on, got it?"

Andrew nodded, somewhat relieved. "Yes, Mommy." He ran up to "Santa" and hugged his neck, nearly strangling him. "Thanks, Santa!"

"Santa" smirked, and Andrew's mother sighed.

"Um…Santa?" Andrew asked timidly.

"Yessss," Vegeta said as patiently as possible.

"Am I still on your 'nice' list?"

Vegeta chuckled. "Of course you are! As long as you don't ever let anyone push you around again!"

"Without getting into fights," Andrew's mother added sternly, and this time it was Vegeta's turn to sigh. He never understood why so many human mothers had problems with their children learning fighting skills. No wonder Earth was almost always in trouble.

The end of "Santa's" line finally came, and it was almost time for Vegeta's lunch hour. After Perky left for a coffee break (really a hot chocolate break, since she never drank coffee), Vegeta groaned when the last two children came bounding towards him. He recognized them immediately as Henry and Janey, the two children who had witnessed him assaulting the previous Santa.

"Look, Janey, I'm going to prove to you once and for all that Santa isn't real!" Henry insisted.

"He is real!" Janey cried, pouting, crossing her small white arms and glaring.

"He's a faker, like all of them, and I'll show you!"

Vegeta growled, very un-Santa-like.

"And how do you intend to prove that I'm a fake, little boy?" he asked menacingly.

His icy expression sent a shiver down Henry's spine, and Henry gulped. But then, he slowly regained his bravado. After all, if Santa was really a fake, he couldn't do anything to stop him, because Santa would get fired. He then grinned.

"Easy!" Henry insisted, as he leapt into Santa's lap. Before Vegeta could react, Henry yanked his beard off in one triumphant flourish. Janey screamed.

"See, I told you he wasn't real! Look at his fake beard!"

"I'll show you fake, you little brat!" Vegeta roared, grabbing Henry and shoving him facedown onto his lap. Before Janey's astonished eyes, he pulled down Henry's pants. "I'm going to give you the spanking that your parents never gave you!"

"No, please! I'm sorry!" Henry bawled.

"Oh, you'll be sorry alright when I—"

"SANTA, NO!"

And to Vegeta's shock, Perky dashed past Janey and a large Styrofoam cup tumbled from her drink tray. The cup twirled once through the air, and the already loose lid popped off. A shower of orange juice poured down upon Vegeta and Henry.

"Eeew! Yucky!" Henry exclaimed.

"Santa, little boy, I am so sorry!" Perky cried.

Henry decided to make good his escape from Santa's lap. "Yeah, that's right, brat! You better get the hell out of here, before I send you into the next dimension!" Vegeta shouted.

Henry fled on his scampering little feet, not even bothering to take his sister with him. Janey just watched him run away, and then she burst into sobs. She cried loud and hard, straining Vegeta's sensitive ears.

Perky abandoned Vegeta for now and scooped the howling child into her arms. "Little one, please don't cry."

"But Henry made Santa mad, and now Santa hates us!" Janey wailed.

Perky put her down on the floor. "No, he doesn't, little one. Please wait here, okay?" Janey weakly nodded, as Perky hurried back to Santa.

"Santa," Perky whispered in an irritated and sticky Vegeta's ear. "I know you are mad at Henry, but his sister did nothing wrong. Please say something to make her feel better."

"I'm no good at comforting," he hissed. "It's better to send her away."

"Santa." Perky's voice held a note of rebuke. "Think about this child…what if this was Bra? What would you say to Bra in this situation? Or what would you want Santa to say to her, if you believed he was real?"

Vegeta reluctantly turned his head towards Janey, who was softly sobbing. He saw those large, frightened eyes, clear and blue as his daughter's. She was still shaking in her black patent Mary Jane shoes.

"Little girl, come here." His voice was strangely softer, as he beckoned her with his finger.

Janey shook her head, but Perky came to her and escorted her slowly towards Santa. "It is alright, little one."

Janey stood before Santa, but she would not climb into his lap. "What is your name, child?" Vegeta asked quietly.

She whispered it, and "Santa" said gravely, "You do not need to fear me, Janey."

"You were going to spank Henry!"

"Yes, I was. I allowed myself to lose control of my temper. Santa has had much on his mind lately, and what Henry did only made him more upset." Vegeta looked at Janey and saw Bra's face, Bra's fear. Janey couldn't have been that much older.

"Don't cry any more," he told her gruffly, yet kindly. "You and that brother of yours will still be on my good list. And Janey…"

"Ye-Yes, Santa?"

"Don't let your brother push you around; you're smarter than he is, alright?"

Janey nodded, and then Vegeta handed her a candy cane. She hesitantly took it and tottered forward. She then reached into a tiny pocket on her dress and pulled out a clumsily wrapped square package.

"Here, Santa," she whispered. "Merry Christmas."

"Janey!"

"That's Mommy; I have to go now. Don't forget to use this after you eat your milk and cookies! Bye-bye!" And Janey scurried away.

"Little girl, wait!" Vegeta called, but Janey was gone.

"Open your gift, Santa," Perky encouraged him. "Oh, this is exciting! It's not often children give Santa presents!"

Vegeta looked at the strange offering suspiciously, and then he slowly unwrapped it. The present, wrapped in plain red paper, was a handkerchief embroidered with Christmas trees and bows. In the middle were the words, "I LOVE YOU, SANTA! MERRY CHRISTMAS!"

The embroidery was amateurish; it was mostly likely Janey's own work, but the effort gained a rare smile from "Santa".

"Awww, how sweet!" Perky cooed. Vegeta regained his composure and glared at her.

"I like to poop; I like to fart…passing gas is my favorite art. It is normal; it is natural to poop in the potty…"

Bra sank deeper into her mother soft armchair recliner, watching the TV commercial for Patty Poopsey. She'd never have a Patty Poopsey doll now, unlike the blond-haired, blue-eyed cherub with the bouncy curls.

"Daddy, you bought Patty Poopsey for me! Thank you! I love you!"

"I love you too, pumpkin-pie."

"Okay, Patty Poopsey!" the angelic little girl chirped. "It's time to go potty!" Delightedly, she plopped the plastic doll onto the little pink, plastic toilet that had came with her.

"BRRIPP!" Sounds of fake plastic feces plopped into the toy toilet.

"Yay!" both the little blond girl and her father cheered. The child kissed Patty Poopsey and told her how proud she was of her. Then the father kissed his daughter, as the theme song played again…

"…It is normal; it is natural to poop in the potty! If I go in my pants, I'll make an oopsey! Gotta go right now; that's why I'm Patty Poopsey!"

Tears brimmed from Bra's cobalt eyes, as the commercial ended. She hugged herself tightly, letting her tears wet her dress. Her heart ached, and this time, it wasn't because she believed that she would never have Patty Poopsey.

"Daddy…Santa…"

"I like your jacket, Santa," a tiny black girl with numerous braids chirped.

Vegeta grinned. "Why thank you, little girl." An evil smirk followed when he heard one mother whisper to another:

"Since when does Santa wear a black leather jacket?"

Behind them, a sexily dressed woman, at the end of the line with her child, only smiled, while she ushered her little boy towards Vegeta's lap. "Now hurry up, Tommy, and tell Santa what you want 'cause Mommy needs to talk to him, okay?"

"Sure thing, Mommy!" Tommy piped.

Vegeta was only mildly curious as to what Tommy's mother wanted. She winked at him and ran the tip of her tongue over her lips. She even adjusted the collar of her tight blouse, lowering it to show him a bit of deep cleavage. She slithered her hand along her thighs, which were only wrapped in a tight, neon-green mini-skirt.

Vegeta tried his best to ignore her, as he half-listened to Tommy's generic requests: video games and a bicycle. Finally, Tommy's mother ushered her son off of Santa's lap.

Vegeta realized too late that he and the mother were alone, as the woman glided gracefully into his lap. "Woman, get off of me immediately!" he hissed.

"Oh, come now, Santa," the mother crooned, running her fingers along his jaw. "I'm sure you get looonely being away from Mrs. Claus!"

Vegeta allowed himself a half-smirk. "Oh, trust me, I'm never away from Mrs. Claus for too long."

She fluffed her full, silken red mane back, deliberately allowing the tresses to brush against Vegeta's face. She then pressed her plentiful bosom against his chest, as she ran her fingers along the white beard.

She whispered, "I can be your Mrs. Claus for today, if you like." She licked her lips again. "I love your new jacket. You should wear it all the time."

Vegeta slid his hand along her satiny arm, and he leaned his mouth to her ear. A grin slid across his face, as the woman cuddled further against him.

"You are what I want for Christmas, Santa, so whisper sweet holiday nothings in my ear," she cooed.

Vegeta chuckled, as he took her chin into his hands.

"Go on, Santa, plenty of sweet nothings will do."

Vegeta then complied with her request:

"Nothing, nothing, nothing—NOTHING!" His playful whisper rose to a roar. "That's what you are to me, woman, nothing! I have my own Mrs. Claus, and while she can be loudmouthed and bossy, she is the only Mrs. Claus that I will ever want!"

"You son of a bitc—" The woman would have continued, had it not been for Vegeta clamping his hand over her mouth.

"And furthermore," he told her more calmly. "My Mrs. Claus's chest wasn't paid for."

"Bastard!"

Vegeta abruptly shoved her off of his lap. "Leave now," he ordered her.

The mother stormed off in search of her child. Vegeta groaned long and loud, while not too far away from him, just coming back from the restroom, Perky smiled, even though she felt she shouldn't.

"C'mon, Bulma, Goku would find this hilarious!"

"No, Chichi, I promised Vegeta that I wouldn't tell any of the other fighters. That didn't include you, which is why I'm telling you."

"So, Goku actually sat on—"

"Yes, Chichi! But you can't tell Goku or anyone, okay 'cause Vegeta would have a stroke."

"But isn't he going to be suspicious because 'Santa' called him Kakarot?"

"Just remind him that Santa knows everything; he'll believe it."

After the mall closed for the evening, Vegeta sighed long and deep, as he stepped out into the gently falling snow. He would have preferred to fly home, despite the cold, but Bulma had insisted that he take his car to work every day, so he wouldn't draw too much attention to himself.

It had been a long two days, and only twelve days remained until Christmas Eve, and then his ordeal would finally be over. When had he become so weak, so tame that he would actually obey human authority and allow himself to be forced to wear that hideous red velvet concoction? He growled in a low tone. His family had made him that way. Bulma, Trunks, and his little Bra.

Vegeta's heart suddenly felt heavy, and he felt a strange dab of moisture prick his eye. He wished he knew what he could do to win back Bra's affection? She no longer smiled, rarely played with her toys, or even watched television. She spent long hours at home staring out her window with her chin in her tiny hands.

Her playmates had recently stopped teasing her about her father's actions and had wanted to come over to Capsule Corp. again. But Bra always declined their offers; she hadn't had a visitor in two weeks. Her mother was seriously thinking of taking her to a therapist.

Vegeta looked up into the gray, thick skies, when out of the corner of his eye, he saw Perky standing near the bus stop, still wearing her scanty elf dress. He shook his head at this; the girl had less sense than Kakarot.

He slid off his black, leather jacket; Mr. Reganam had rebuked him earlier for wearing it, but he had brushed his boss off. He certainly wasn't wearing that Santa jacket, after that orange juice had been spilled on it.

He treaded through the ever-increasing snow towards Perky, who was still waiting for her bus. She looked sober and wistful, but strangely enough, she wasn't shivering or showing any other signs that she was cold. Still, Vegeta draped the jacket around her shoulders. Perky took around and looked at him gratefully.

"Why are you out here with no coat? Don't you ever take off that silly elf dress?"

"Sometimes," Perky said, now with a smile, dusting the snow off of her sugar-brown bob. She drew Vegeta's jacket around her shoulders, even though she wasn't cold at all.

"Do you have any other clothes?" Vegeta asked her, half-annoyed.

"Of course! But this is what I like to wear best! This is what I belong in!" Perky chirped. "Oh, look, Vegeta, isn't the falling snow just beautiful?"

"I suppose," Vegeta grunted. "Do you live far from here?"

"Not too far at all!"

"Where do you live?"

"In a boarding house about twelve blocks from here."

Vegeta bit his lip, mumbling under his breath. He took her arm. "C'mon, I'll take you home."

"Oh, I don't want to be a bother, but thank you anyway!" Perky insisted.

"Listen," Vegeta told her edgily. "This is not a safe place to be at night, particularly for a girl dressed as skimpily as you are. I'm surprised you haven't been mugged or worse. Or have you?"

Perky was suddenly quiet. "I was pick-pocketed a few days ago; I just had enough money left for bus fare. But I was not harmed, and that poor fellow who--"

Vegeta was not interested in hearing any sympathy for the man who had robbed her. "Save your money and come with me." He could not understand how she could still be so cheerful after what had happened.

"Vegeta, I—"

"I'm not leaving until you agree. Let's go!"

Suddenly a black-and-white bus pulled in front of the bus stop.

"My bus!" Perky cried.

He glared at her, crossing his arms. Perky felt a shiver go through her spine, even though she knew Vegeta would not harm her.

Several minutes passed, as passengers stepped off of the bus.

Then the bus pulled away from its stop. While it was leaving, a short Saiyan and a tiny elf-girl were walking towards the mall parking lot.