Author's note: I must admit that I have no idea who, how many, if any of you are still awaiting my next chapter...I apologize for taking so long to update, but a lot has been happening and I simply had to take a rest for a while...but never fear...I have many chapters written in a notebook, I simply have to type them and alter certain parts...:) I apologize to Gracie since she has already read this chapter...but it still needed to be posted...:) much love to all! Happy Holidays...see you in the New Year!

Problematic Pasts

Erik's Eyes:

While I headed up to my bedroom, I couldn't help but feel somewhat guilty. It only made sense that Angelique could not know about both my and her mother's past but none the less, I felt as if I was keeping a major part of who I was from her. After all, I only met Gabrielle because of our problematic pasts.

I told her what little I could, and to my great surprise I must admit, she showed her maturity and brilliance by being accepting and telling me that she understood that I had to remain hidden from the world without me even telling her why it had to be so. I nearly told her all right then and there, just simply because she was so compassionate, but being her father, I knew I had to show good judgment and so I didn't tell her that treacherous tale.

As I reached the summit of the stairwell, I pushed all thoughts about the conversation with Angelique out of my mind and simply thought about getting some rest. When I reached the bedroom door I noticed that a lamp was still lit within the room. I used the tips of my fingers to gently press the door open, revealing Gabrielle sound asleep on the bed. Her face was bathed in the light and I felt my breath catch in my throat as the glow reflected off of her mouth and neck, only enhancing her already magnificent beauty.

I noticed the way her eyes were shut tightly, and realized that the light was far too intense for her to sleep comfortably. I dimmed it by turning the oil down from beneath the flame and then returned to the bedside. Although the light made it slightly harder to see all the details of her face that I had grown ever so attached to over the years, the sight of her in partial darkness created a different feeling in my stomach. She was huddled tightly on her side, clutching my pillow as if it was a lifeline to rely on, if the need arose.

The guilt I had felt earlier rushed back to me once again, flooding me with shame. But this guilt was different. This guilt came to me at the sight of Gabrielle lying there, abandoned, as she must have been doing for hours. It was blatantly obvious how completely alone she was in the middle of our large burgundy velvet bed and I had a sudden urge to crawl in next to her, pull her to me, and kiss her until she forgave me for leaving her for so long. It didn't take much for me to recall the many times that I had to face an empty bed and the prospect of a cold and lonely night, and just how awful that felt. That thought in itself cut me a little too deeply.

I carefully placed my mask in the bedside drawer and began to undressed, beginning by unwinding my cravat and then working through each layer, then put on a pair of silk pajama bottoms. I then went back over to where Gabrielle lay sleeping soundly. I sat on the bedside edge a moment to contemplate the best way to move her over without startling her awake. As soon as my eyes rested upon her sleeping form, gently outlined by the soft light, I was entranced. Many years had passed since the day I first laid eyes upon her and during that time she had loved me fully, worked hard to be a proper wife, and even giving me children. I was blessed by this woman. All the things she had done for me over the years should have taken a toll on her mind body and spirit, but astoundingly she was still as beautiful as that first day we met, perhaps even more so. She was nothing short of miraculous in my eyes.

I took a moment and watched her as she slept, her face tranquil and her hair sprawled out over my pillow. I then noticed the way her hand was clutched onto the pillow upon which my head was supposed to lie. She clung to it as if imagining that it would and could protect her if the need arose. I tenderly slid my right hand underneath her head and my left arm hooked under her knees and I gently slid her over so I could slip in without waking her. She turned over onto her back as I snuck in next to her, covering us both quickly with the blankets to contain the warmth that her body had already created.

She remained asleep but moved onto her side once again, only this time she nestled in closer to my body, subconsciously acknowledging that I was beside her now. Her hand came up to rest upon my chest as she inched even closer, her lips forming silent, incoherent words against my bare skin. Her hand moved to rest upon my hip and her other curled elegantly around her own stomach. A soft sigh escaped from her lips before she said my name dreamily. Her hot breath beat up against my bare shoulder and even though it was uncannily warm, a shiver ran down the length of my spine. At that moment, I could no longer bare to lie so close and not reach out and touch her. I lovingly wrapped my hand around the back of her blonde head and pulled her mouth up to meet mine. Beneath me, I felt her begin to stir, her breathing became less relaxed and she began to move her body slightly. I broke away and kissed the backs of her closed eyelids with affection.

As soon as I began to move away, to lie down beside her once again, she awoke completely. Her eyelids instantly snapped open, revealing a brilliant pair of intense light blue eyes staring back into my own. In one fluid motion, she brought her hand up from around her stomach onto the back of my neck and pulled my mouth back down upon hers. Her return kiss was long and passionate, almost as if she was desperate to feel my lips against hers once more. We broke away and to my dismay, I saw tears pooling in her eyes.

"Erik…" she whispered as if relieved, while a single tear began to fall down her cheek. I quickly leaned in, kissing it away.

"What's the matter, Gabby?" I asked in my most calming tone.

"I was just worried…" she sniffled, sitting up while doing so. "Angelique told me about what happened today at the Opera house and so I figured that you hadn't come home right away because you needed some time…but when it got dark and everyone had retired for the night, all safe and sound in their beds…except you…" her eyes retreated from looking upon me, to studying the floor, "…I just began to…imagine things…"

I cupped her chin within the palm of my hand, raising her eyes to meet mine. "Gabrielle, listen to me! I will never let anything happen to you or this family…you know that…" She turned her head away from me abruptly, as if ashamed. "Or were you worried about something else?" Her tear-filled eyes locked onto my own and it was then that I knew what had happened. She had worried her self sick thinking about me either being harmed or leaving them all alone here for whatever reason her avid mind had concocted at the time. "Oh…" I gasped brokenly. "My darling…you should know better by know." She apologetically looked away but I ended that by holding my hand against her cheek and kissing her once more. Loving the taste of her, I slipped my tongue into her mouth, deepening the kiss to an intense level; hoping all the while that for once she would realize that I would never go anywhere where she was not. I reluctantly broke the contact and instead wrapped my arms around her shoulders, my hand cradling the back of her head as she cried softly onto my chest. Each tear was hot and searing as it trickled down my bare flesh, a reminder of how much love and trust she had placed upon me. She was everything to me and her crying was something that I could not stand.

"I am yours forever" I said, hoping to calm her. My lips brushed against her ear as I spoke and I felt her body shiver, then relax.

"I know Erik…and I know that I should not think like this anymore. God knows how many times I have broken down over nothing in front of you, bawling upon your shoulder, clinging to your strong frame as if you were God himself…You must think me to be a defenseless woman indeed…a mere child…"

"No Gabrielle…I wouldn't…couldn't…think of you like that…"

"Honestly Erik? You do not think I am weak…vulnerable…defenseless?"

"We all have reasons to be as we are…I cannot hold yours against you when I know what they are as well as you yourself know them…"

"Yes…but my past is nothing like yours…you have the reason to be weakened…not I!"

"Your reason is as good as any!" I said a little too loudly. I brought my voice down to a natural level. "If only I could have protected you from it…If only I hadn't selfishly tried to turn you away that day…you had already told me of your love…but the thought of love petrified me then…and so I turned you away….and you ran….ran right into…" I looked away, not wanting to finish the appalling tale. "If only…"

"I know…I am sorry…I did not mean to bring this up…I simply…well…when I am alone…I just…remember things…"

"Hush love…" I stroked her hair with my fingertips, attempting to distract her and prevent her from continuing, but she was lost within her memories.

"Being locked within the tomb, isolated, cold, naked, starving and beaten whilst being held to the stone walls by vicious metal chains."

"It's ok, love…" I said a little more desperately.

"No, it's not ok…these images come to haunt me when you are not near…you don't understand…" She gulped timidly. "I see it again…I see it all…I remember…his face…his…savage way of…touching me…" I cringed. He had scarred her horrendously; a crime which I could not forgive nor could I except an excuse for it. I began to grow restless, wanting her to cease this kind of talk; talking as if it could and would happen all over again.

"Stop this…this madness…! No one will ever even look at you as if you are an object…I will never allow it! You are forever and completely safe with me here…that I promise you…!"

"But what if a time comes when you are not here? What am I to do then Erik? Things are becoming more dangerous for us all…even more so you!"

"As I said before, I will always care for and watch over you…even if…" I shook my head savagely, trying to shake the thoughts she had conjured in my own mind. "You need not worry on that matter…!"

"Oh, Erik…" She said softly, grasping my hand and tracing the veins lining the back of it with her fingertips, "I wish it were true…that I have no reason to worry…"

"Please," I said desperately, grabbing her hand forcefully, "Do not worry yourself sick on account of me…I can take care of myself…as well as you and our children…"

"But this party shows that Raoul is becoming more bold with his actions and authority…"

"He cannot force me to do anything, least of all obey his wants," I said, becoming infuriated at the thought of Raoul attempting to control my family. "He may believe that he can change things…tame me…but he cannot! I am the manipulator! I will not allow manipulation to overtake me! I am the Phantom and he seems to be forgetting that fact!"

She turned her face away at my mentioning the Phantom. Solemnly she said, "I think we have all forgotten that fact…even you…"

I was momentarily outraged. How dare she question my inner emotions! She has no idea what I have endured, only because I had the Phantom to fall back upon for assistance and support! "I have not! The Phantom is a part of me…he is who I am!"

"Perhaps, but then he is a changed man as well…"

I was baffled. "That's not possible…that part of me is unchangeable…ever since the world forsook me for the devil's child, he has ruled me…and now, although you may have changed the man beneath the Phantom exterior, he still resides within me!"

She made to get out of bed, but my hand fiercely grabbing on to her wrist stilled her. She turned her head to look at me over her shoulder, her eyes regretful and determined. "The Phantom you once were, wouldn't have put up with this kind of life…he would have murdered Raoul at the first opportunity…" She stated softly.

I stilled and subconsciously let go of her wrist. The anger in me evaporated into thin air and I felt as if I had received a blow in the stomach. Is she not right? I shook my head slowly, trying to shake the idea that the Phantom no longer existed. I needed him…he was my power, my strength, my will…wasn't he? And yet, when he was not in control of me, when I was with Gabrielle and the children, was I lacking any of those traits? Almost fearfully, my gaze instantly returned to Gabrielle, who was sitting on the edge of the bed, her back turned to me. What had happened to me? Or, more or less, who was I really? Was I the loving man I was with Gabrielle, or was I the terrorizing master of deception I once was? I suddenly felt very isolated within the world. If I didn't have the Phantom for companionship, I was lost when alone. I reached out for Gabby, wanting nothing more than to feel skin against my own skin; if only just to know that someone else was there, but at the touch of my hand on the back of her neck, she stood and walked over to her armoire, sitting down to run a brush through her golden hair.

"Gabrielle…" I urged, wanting to feel her eyes upon me, if she would not succumb to my touch. She did not oblige, only catching my gaze for a moment in the mirror before continuing to stroke her hair. "Gabby…?" She would not turn to face me. "Gabrielle, please!" At that her eyes locked onto mine in the mirror. "Please…" I pleaded even softer. She sighed and turned in her chair, her eyes directly upon my face.

"Erik! I do not understand how you can be so upset over this and that in turn makes me upset with you…" She closed her eyes, opened them, and continued. "I understand that the Phantom was your comfort when people deserted you…yes, I get that…but what I don't understand is how you can suddenly feel so lost, when you are not in need of him…you have a family…children who adore you…a wife who…" She got up and walked to the window, looking out distantly. "A wife who would be a lifeless shell without you…a woman who is willing to give you whatever your heart desires, simply to feel your loving gaze make contact with her…I'm telling you that you do not need him any longer…you are now the strong and powerful genius he was, without the murderous side…Isn't that what you want? To not have to feel so desolated?"

"I…well, yes…but I…" I was lost. The sadness in her voice was genuine and the fact that she had just told me that she lived only to please me, was an fascinating thought indeed. "I am sorry…but I don't know what happened to suddenly change me so drastically…I mean…The Phantom is part of me…I can still feel him deep within my soul…"

"Then perhaps he was softened…" She suggested, coming back to slip in under the covers, sitting where she had been before I had mentioned the Phantom.

"If he truly still is in me, then he must have been…and it was your love that did it…It turns out that you are my strength…you are the Phantom within me…" I laughed carelessly and wrapped my arm around her waist, pulling her close to me, kissing her neck softly. I had simply meant to place an affectionate kiss against her pulse, but once my lips made contact with the sweet and sensitive skin of her neck, I could not stop myself. I continued to place open mouth kisses along her jaw line, across the span of her collarbone and shoulders, and anywhere else that I could see bare skin. I adored the feel of her entire body radiating heat as I ran both my lips and tongue along her exposed flesh. She rested her head on my shoulder, leaning her right cheek against mine, all the while gasping for breath. I felt her smooth face encountering my mutilated one and although I wanted to, I could not stop caressing her long enough to tell her how much she meant to me. I quickly mumbled an I-love-you before resuming my actions.

"Oh, Erik…I love you so much…" she sighed between gasps for breath.

"Tell me…" I urged, my voice becoming low and sensual with the coiling of my stomach.

"I need you Erik! I need you with me forever…!" She panted while running both hands along my face and the back of my head.

"And why is that?" I taunted her, wanting to hear the way my name rolled off her lips, her voice fiercely passionate with every contact between my mouth and her body.

"Because you are my whole world…Without you…"

"Hush…and with me?" I provoked, knowing that now I was just taunting her with both my mind and body. She seemed to awaken from the trance I had placed her in, taking the control away from me. I gave it up willingly, knowing that I had finally won and she would forget the Phantom incident of earlier, if only for a short while. She began by trailing her fingertips down the side of my unmasked cheek, then moving down to my stomach. She placed both her hands against my chest and pressed me onto my back. She then leaned over me so that she could move over me easily. Her fingers traced the outline of the muscles on my chest and stomach, her mouth soon followed. She soon had me gasping for breath as well and I couldn't help but be reduced to my primal instincts. I reversed our positions, simply wanting to feel her skin against my mouth. I placed a searing kiss on her mouth before moving down along her chin.

"I love you so much Gabrielle…I would never do anything to hurt you…" I said barely audibly, as I continued to caress her magnificent body feverishly.

"Yes…I know…" she said distantly, "but don't for one minute think that you are off the hook…!" I imagined that she wanted that to sound commanding, but the desire in her voice, betrayed her strength. I calmed my impatient longing to kiss her body more and laid down beside her, pulling her closer to me; taking her mouth passionately with my own. I broke away, leaving her breathless. "Yes…not off the hook…" she said, obviously completely enthralled by me. I was looking deeply into her eyes, losing myself within their bright blue depths, when there was a knock on the front door.

We both stilled and listened as the knock came again, this time louder. My insides protested to the intrusion on this quiet moment of love and desire passing between us. I had half a notion to ignore it and continue to caress her and think of only her and myself, skin against skin, under the warmth of the velvet blankets. Gabrielle was soon out of the bed and I grudgingly followed suit. Suddenly, my protectiveness took hold over me and I donned the mask and a robe, making to go downstairs. Gabrielle's hand on my arm stilled me. Her touch instinctively sent a tremor down my spine, but I ignored its encouragement, and the sudden impulse I had to touch or kiss her at that moment.

"I'll answer it…"

"Like hell you will! Who knows who is at the door!" I said somewhat harshly.

She glared at me somberly for a moment, before her eyes showed the troubled feeling within. "Erik, I know you are angry, but we must remember, no matter how much we want to act otherwise, that you are still a wanted man…and you must maintain your cover…for the children, if not for us all."

I allowed a frustrated growl to escape from my chest, but stepped back to allow her to take the lead. I followed on her heels, determined to protect her even if I had to do it invisibly. I was her husband and no one could say otherwise whilst in my presence!