Author's note: So, I seriously havent been able to post in over a month! Anyone know hoe frustrating that is? OMG! Lol! Anyway...this chapter goes out to Cat and Caroline, since they are the only ones who have actually reviewed in the last four months...lol! Enjoy!
A Drunken Fool
Erik's Eyes:
What is she, mad! I trudged down the hallway, leaving the intoxicating presence of Gabrielle and heading towards the infuriating presence of Raoul. Something about that thought seemed insane. What does she expect of me! How am I supposed to comfort a man who I would rather be rid of for good! I shook my head in an attempt to rid myself of my anger. Initial blazing anger would do me no good, once I found Raoul. Through my brooding, I noticed that I had somehow already reached the front door and was now walking out into the daylight. For a moment, the sunlight seemed to blind me and I noticed that for some reason, the beauty of light still seemed forsaken to my eyes, probably from all the years hiding in darkness. I shaded my eyes with the back of my hand and made for the barn. For some reason I had it in my head that that was where I would find Raoul and when I reached the barn, I saw that I was correct with my instincts. Raoul was on his horse and walking him out of the barn.
Upon seeing me, Raoul took off at a canter straight towards me. In Raoul's eyes, I did not see malice or anger as I had expected to, but fear instead. It was then that I knew he only meant to scare me enough to not be stopped. I braced myself as his horse drew closer, and just as it was about to run into me, I leapt to the side and grabbed a hold of his lead. The horse stopped and turned on his heels, obviously panicked at the sudden pull upon his head and teeth. He attempted to rear, but I held on and pulled his head down with a sharp jerk. The animal whinnied out of both frustration and terror and I felt sympathy for the poor creature. I talked to him soothingly, all the while tuning out Raoul who was obviously cursing at me to let him go. I turned the horse around and walked him back into the stables. I took off the horses lead as I shut the stall door behind us. The horse turned to face me, Raoul still on his back.
"There there… easy boy…easy…that's a good boy…calm down…good boy…" I stroked his grey coat with care and his breathing seemed to calm. It was then that I began unclasping the luggage that Raoul had attached to the back of the horse's saddle. I took the first suitcase off and heaved it over the stall door and onto a pile of hay in the corner. Raoul dismounted and shoved me harshly.
"What do you think you're doing? You may have control over my family, but you do NOT have control over me!"
I said nothing, but began unhooking the tightly buckled saddle from around the poor stallion's stomach.
"Hey! I am TRYING to talking to you!"
"Yes…and I'm TRYING to IGNORE you!" I muttered sourly, my back still to him.
"I was getting out of your life! Isn't that what you wanted? No matter what choice I make, it's always the wrong one! Well listen here! I am tired of this! I cannot remove you from my life, and I cannot make Gabrielle love me…I've decided that it is I who was out of place in this perfect picture…and so I was leaving…but no, you selfishly wont let me!"
"If it were up to me, Raoul…I would let you leave…but no…my wife seems to think that you should stay and so here I am…" I said solemnly, musing on how he could have been gone from us forever as I placed the saddle on its shelf.
"You mean…Gabrielle wanted me to stay? Even after my monstrous incident last evening?"
I sighed and turned to him, "Raoul…You must know by now that Gabrielle does not love you in the way that you would like her too…but do not forget that, for some ungodly reason unknown to me, she does love you…"
"But…what does she want from me? I am not the kind of man that can sit around and watch as the woman I love belongs to another…Erik, every look she gives you tears me apart inside…longing for her to look at me in that way, and knowing that she never will…But then, when other people who do not know of you come around, I must act as if we were happily married, when I know full well that every loving look I receive is fake and forced. I cannot live like that! But that's what she wants of me isn't it? And who am I to deny her what she wants, when all I want is her happiness?"
"Raoul, ENOUGH!" I nearly gagged from the taste left in my mouth from his spiel. "Listen! Do not expect sympathy here…I know very well what it's like to watch as the woman you love, falls in love with another! Never forget that I know that torment as well! However, I do understand the dilemma of which you speak is somewhat beyond my comprehension. But Raoul, fleeing will not solve your problems…leaving your money, your home…not to mention your own DAUGHTER! Leaving without her would be unforgivable…"
"I had thought that…even she might be better without me…"
"That's idiocy Raoul! She would despise you! You brought her into this world and abandoning her would be disgraceful as well as inhumane! You are her father and you should care for her! No exceptions!"
"I know but…"
"No! No! No! THAT IS NOT FORGIVABLE!" I knew that by bringing up Helene he would at least stay for some time, though, God knows why I would want that!
"Fine…I shall stay…for Helene…"
"There is no other reason…" I grumbled under my breath.
"So what happens now Erik?…You seem to have all the answers!" He asked sourly.
"You of all people should know that I've NEVER had all the answers…"
"But you must," he continued sarcastically, "DAMN IT ERIK! You make it seem as if your life is so terrible! Well, I am sorry but from where I am standing you have it all…A wife who loves you…two beautiful daughters and a bright young boy…all of which adore you…Yes…from here, your life looks pretty good!"
My anger was near its breaking point and I knew that if I remained where I was, Raoul would continue and I would not be able to control myself any longer. He thinks he has it bad? He has never been tortured for his looks, nor has he been cast out from all others! I STILL must remain hidden or my life would be over! I placed my hand upon the horses neck one last time before I opened the stall door to leave. I felt my hands begin to tremble as the door was slammed shut by Raoul.
"We are not finished here!"
"No, I really think we are…" I said, making to leave once again.
This time Raoul was in front of me, shoving me backwards, away from my only exit. My temper was bubbling below the surface and I could see, before it even occurred, the outburst that was to come. I could feel its intensity in my bones.
"Raoul, I am warning you! If we do not end this now, I cannot be held accountable for my actions…" I warned fairly.
"You act as if you cannot be held accountable for ANY of your actions! You are best at being a thief and manipulator! At times I think you ENJOY the idea of stealing a man's life out from underneath him! Gabrielle and I would have made it work…we could have been perfectly happy together if you hadn't returned after abandoning her for four years…!"
I could take it no longer. Before I could think better of it, my hand was clenched tightly around Raoul's throat. His hands immediately grasped at my arm, but I was too strong for him as he started to choke. His eyes blazed like fire into mine as I glared at him, our faces barely a foot apart.
"LISTEN HERE! YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MY LIFE HAS BEEN LIKE TO THIS VERY DAY! TO BE FORSAKEN FROM THE WORLD BECAUSE OF AN ACCIDENT THAT WAS NOT OF YOUR DOING, IS NOT SOMETHING TO MOCK! THE FIRST WOMAN I LOVED BELONGED TO YOU, AND NOW YOU SEEK TO CLAIM GABRIELLE AS WELL…I WILL NOT HAVE IT!"Raoul clutched onto my arm tighter as his face began to lose its color. I ignored his struggle for breath and continued, "I AM STILL TORTURED BECAUSE OF MY FACE AS WELL AS MY PAST! I MUST REMAIN HIDDEN! I CANNOT EVEN BE SEEN IN PUBLIC WITH MY FAMILY! I AM SORRY, BUT THAT DOES NOT SEEM SO PERFECT TO ME!" I held on for a second longer before letting go of him, equally as harshly.
He fell to his knees, gasping for breath. He looked up at me, a somewhat surprised look dancing behind his eyes.
"Do not worry Raoul…the murderer I once was is lost to me now…I couldn't kill anyone…least of all you…" I spat at him as he sat, grasping his throat still as if he would suffocate without the support of his hands. "and if you ever are inclined to think that you can be rid of me by way of the police, I will not overlook your insolence again…as I have so graciously done once already…"
"Quite…the Saint…aren't you?" He rasped.
"Perhaps…At least Saint is a step down from Angel…" I said, mocking the sweet ignorance his wife once held.
I was slightly surprised he did not take my bait for another verbal battle, but none the less, I was not sorry for the chance to rest my temper. I heard Raoul gasp a few times before his breathing became normal. He sighed a moment before asking softly, "What happened to us Erik?" I could sense the sincerity in his tone and because of that, I allowed myself to answer earnestly.
"We fell in love, Raoul…by loving them, we placed our fates within the hands of two women… and because of that, parts of us were ruined…your wife was my downfall, and mine is yours…but the wounds they created can be healed…it just takes time and another woman to repair it…"
He watched me intently a moment before replying, "Yes…I believe that to be true as well…I only wish it weren't so…for the both of us…"
"Yes…as do I…" I looked at his somber face and recognized something that I had once felt within my days in the Opera's cellar: despair. Although we had lead extremely different lives, I could not help but notice the ironic similarities. I began to walk out of the stable, but something stopped me. I turned and looked back at him over my shoulder. "I…I am sorry for…letting my…uh…temper get the better of me…" I added somewhat awkwardly before I made a hasty retreat from his presence.
I walked quickly towards the house, all the while attempting to ignore the confused feelings within my head. I hated Raoul, or so I had thought, but now I couldn't help but wonder whether he was just as tangled within this maze of emotions, just as I was. Not liking the path my thoughts were taking, I ignored the subject of Raoul completely, and continued on. I reached the front door and went inside after glancing behind me one last time. I absently noticed dark grey clouds beginning to roll in, before I walked through the door. Once inside, I made my way through the living room and towards the kitchen, hoping that I might find Gabrielle there, so I could tell her that I had accomplished my task. I opened the door to the kitchen and stepped in only to find six pairs of eyes all on me.
I froze for a moment and in that moment, I felt a part of me struggle with my mind to flee into the dark shadows of my past. I fought the urge as best as I could, until I was saved by a small body running towards me. I had just enough time to kneel before he hurled himself into my arms.
"Daddy Daddy Daddy!" Jaime cried as he wrapped his small arms around my neck and hugged me tightly. "Oh, Daddy! We are so happy to see you…last night, I had the most terrible dream! There were terrible monsters attacking Maman, and you were not there to save us! We were so scared…those were terrible dreams, Daddy!"
If it were possible to gasp out of alarm and sigh out of relief at the same time, I would have. I was so upset by the horror that my children witnessed, but at the same time, I was relieved that at least Jaime thought the events of last night were only a dream. That would save us at least a bit of trouble.
"Do not worry, my son, those dreams will never haunt you again…I will protect you all!" I soothed, feeling my heart constrict as I did so. His body relaxed immensely in my embrace at those words. I looked up at Gabrielle while I continued to hold my son, lovingly in my arms. She gave me a dazzling smile and then nodded towards Jaime curled up in my arms. I smiled back at her, feeling the love radiate between us before I closed my eyes and held on to him more tightly as I stood. He squealed out of delight and begged me to let him down, though it was obvious that he did not truly want me to do so. I laughed blissfully and twirled him around in a circle before setting him down once again. I studied the others as well as Jaime, who was walking in a crooked line, attempting to shake off his dizziness.
Caroline walked towards me as Jamie wandered back to his mother. She was a beautiful young girl of 15 and looked like a miniaturized version of Gabrielle. The only difference between the two of them, were her eyes. Instead of Gabrielle's piercing blue eyes, she had my green-gold ones. As soon as she was close enough, I wrapped my arms strongly around her shoulders. I placed a hand on the back of her head and ran it over her blonde twirling locks.
She sighed happily, "I am so glad to see you father…we all are! I love you!"
"I love you too!" I said against her forehead. I looked over her head only to see Angelique a foot away. I reached my hand out and took hold of her wrist, pulling her into my embrace as well. Both of my darling girls, my flesh and blood, we there in my arms, crying softly onto my shoulder and every tear that fell down my arm felt like a brand upon my skin. I wanted to never let them go again, but regretfully, I allowed my hold on them to lessen and they both stepped back, out of my arms. I looked into Angelique's face and saw the relief there amongst the tears and I knew then that I she had changed overnight from a teenage girl to a woman. I saw Angelique's mouth form the words father, but did not hear them escape her lips. I placed my hands on her shoulders and spoke softly, "I am very proud of you my love…and I am so sorry…" I wasn't sure whether what I said made sense to her, but they must have, because she wrapped her arms around me once again.
"Alright everyone…settle down…there will be plenty of time to tell your father you love him later…" Gabrielle laughed, cutting through the serious moment, as she hustled Jaime and Caroline over to the table, Angelique soon following. Instead of following, I strolled over to the counter and leaned my head over Gabrielle's shoulder, placing my left hand on her left hip and my right upon her right cheek.
"Anything I can do to…help you?" I purred into her ear, gently stroking her cheek with my fingers.
"Yes…you can quit distracting me…I will surely burn something if you do not go sit down right this instant…" she retorted, feigning a serious tone.
"And how terrible, that would be…" I said, mocking concern.
"Indeed…"Gabrielle turned from me to carry a plate to the table, but I quickly grabbed her wrist. She paused as I raised my hand to her temple, gently caressing and studying the large purple and blue bump with my fingertips. "There will be plenty of time for you to play doctor later, Erik…but now I must feed these poor children…However…I…Um….do I need to set another place!" I took the hint and after cringing at the question, responded calmly, "He will be staying, yes…but as to the place, I doubt it…".
"I knew I could count on you, my love…is there nothing you cannot do…"
Outside, rain began to fall gently, pattering against the window lightly. I smiled at Gabrielle, ignoring the urge to mention the fact that I cannot even be seen by others without fearing for my welfare, or my family's. The rain began to pelt the window now and thunder shook the ground slightly as lightning flashed through the window. I was just about to sit down and join them all when Helene asked if she could speak to me in private. We excused ourselves from the table and walked into the living room. Once there, she took a seat on the couch and I took one next to her, wondering all the while what she wanted.
"Um…Monsieur Erik…I…" she started uneasily. I noticed then that I had been studying her hard, not seeing past the fact that she was Christine and Raoul's child and because of that I must not have been the easiest person to talk to. I sighed and gave her an assuring nod and she continued, "I just wanted to say that, I am terribly sorry for my father's actions last night…I do not know what has happened to him over the years and quite frankly…I was terrified of him…especially when he yelled at me as fiercely as he did Gabrielle…Anyway, I just wanted to apologize for him…because I know as well as you do that he will never apologize to you…even if he should." I looked at her large doe eyes and suddenly felt a surge of love towards her, causing me to take her in my arms as well. She was reduced to tears and she too sobbed onto my chest. "I do not know what to do…he is no longer my father…I don't know who this terrible monster of a man is…but I feel abandoned and lost…oh, Erik! Thank heavens you have returned…I feel so much safer with you here." I stilled. She had been deathly frightened of her own father!
I looked into her eyes and replied, "Listen to me…as long as you are with us, I will protect you from anything! You ARE a part of this family, regardless of anything that may have happened between your parents and myself…However, I want you to know that your father IS ashamed of what he did last night!"
"But it wasn't only last night!" she sobbed, "He has gotten drunk before like that and spoke to me harshly…I have been locking my door ever since that first night he was out drinking until four in the morning…I do not trust him in anyway if he has alcohol on his breath…" I took her in my arms and sang softly, attempting to calm her and stop her tears.
"As I said before, I will watch over you…You may consider yourself my step-daughter, if you wish…" She looked up at me and smiled broadly.
"Thank you so much…I can see what my mother saw in you…" Before I had a chance to reply to that strange remark, I heard Gabrielle's frantic voice call to me from the kitchen.
Helene and I were off the couch and in the kitchen in a flash, only to see the soaking wet figure of Raoul standing outside the window, glaring inside at us all, lightening illuminating him from behind. I watched as he disappeared to the right, obviously heading for the front door. Through my mental calculating, I heard Helene's strained voice reach my ears. "I recognized that look in his eyes, Erik…He has had a few drinks…" I heard Gabrielle hurriedly tell the children to go upstairs into their rooms. They began rushing past me, but I grabbed Angelique who was out front and held her, putting an end to their hasty retreat.
"You all will never make it up the stairs before he walks through that door…I want all of you to back into the farthest corner of this room and sit down together." I got immediate action from all. I watched as Jaime nestled himself into the corner first, followed by Caroline, Helene, and Angelique. The two oldest girls were using their bodies to shelter the others from sight. "Very good…" I said, turning my attention to the remaining two people. "What do you think YOU are doing love…get back by the children.." I chided Gabrielle.
"I was only going to…"
"NO! You will not be the one to protect this time, love…" She turned and went over to the corner and after she had settled herself in, I turned my attention to Michael. "I think when we housed you, we received much more than a stable hand…" I joked as he took a step closer behind me.
"Monsieur, I was only thinking that I could be of use to-"
"Silence, boy. I was merely commenting…I thank you for last night…and now, I would like you to be my backup… if for some reason, Raoul craves violence and gets past me…I need you to step up for the family…can you do that for me? For us, again?"
Michael nodded and took a few steps back, positioning himself in front of the women and children. Just as I glanced back one last time to make sure everyone was where they should be, Raoul staggered through the door, causing my attention to immediately turn to him. His steps were disoriented and the intoxicating smell of liquor preceded him, warning us all of just how much he had drank.
"Well, well, well…what a moving picture this makes!"
"What do you want, Raoul…?" I asked, my voice surprisingly still elegant as it resonated against the walls, power reflecting in the words.
"My request is simple…I would like my daughter…so we both can be on our way…"
I looked over my shoulder at Helene who looked at me with the most pitiful look of terror I had ever seen.
"You are in no state to take your daughter anywhere Raoul…I suggest you go up to your room and sleep off the liquor…then in the morning, you may speak with us about what your plans are…"
"YOU DISGRACE FOR A MAN! HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO ME AS IF I AM NOTHING MORE THAN A CHILD…YOU ARE NOT EQUAL TO ME ON ANY LEVEL, YOU WORTHLESS ANIMAL AND IF I WANT MY DAUGHTER TO COME WITH ME, SHE WILL!"
I increased the power behind my words, but not the volume. "You are drunk and in no right mind to even speak with a woman this evening…I will not let you take her, nor anyone…Now, do not make me fight you Raoul, for I will…this time there are no police to force me away…"
With a growl, Raoul came at me and I quickly caught his arm with my hand, and hurled my fist into his chest, knocking him onto his back before me. Marveling at how easily I had struck down a drunken fool, I pulled out my lasso from the inner pocket of my cape and tied it around his hands, binding them behind his back. Once that was done, I looked at the six gaunt and frightened faces behind me and laughed. "You all look like you just saw a ghost…" I smiled and all the children emerged from the corner, their faces brightening slightly at my light tone. Helene was the first to run up to me and wrap her arms around me.
"Thank God you were here, Monsieur!" she cried. I saw Raoul give me a deadly look before he passed out, leaving his daughter frightened and in my care.
"You are part of this family now, whether you like it or not…" I said jokingly before I eased her off of me gently. All the other children began to move about the room, their faces uncertain but hopeful as they looked at me. I gave them an assuring smile which seemed to calm them. I looked back over to the corner and saw Gabrielle, still sitting there, looking pale and frightened still. I told the kids to run off to bed so I could take care of things and they all left without a complaint, forgetting that they had only woken up a few hours ago, although it was nearing the beginning hours of the night. All of our internal clocks had been wound a few times over since last night.
After all had left the room, I then turned my attention to the huddled form in the corner. As I approached her, I saw that she was staring at the unconscious Raoul with a ghastly expression. I knelt down next to her and placed my hand on her cheek, bringing her attention hazily back to me.
"Gabrielle…Are you alright?"
"What are we to do with him, Erik? This is my doing! He could have harmed any of us…including you! And it is all my fault!"
"Nonsense! You cannot put this all upon your shoulders!"
"I told him I didn't love him…I don't know why I continued to live here, taunting him into obsession!"
"Gabrielle! Please! That was long ago… Remember, it took two days for me to fall in love with you…and he had at least that, even before you ran away to him…It couldn't have been helped!"
"But, Erik!"
"NO Gabrielle! You listen! This is NOT YOUR FAULT! Now, go upstairs to bed and wait for me there…I will take care of him and then we will discuss this more, if you wish…" I said, somewhat bitterly. The last thing I wanted to discuss in our bed was Raoul, but if it would ease her worry, I would do it. I helped her up gently and watched as she left the room, leaving me with Raoul's limp body. It was then that I decided where the best place for him to be tonight would be, and so I carried him there.
The barn smelled of liquor and horses as I laid Raoul down on a pile of hay. I looked around and saw the evidence of the many bottles of brandy that he had consumed only hours before. I kicked the bottles over to where he lay, this time, leaving a reminder for him when he awoke the next morning. I cannot explain why, but for one reason or another, I found a blanket and placed it over him. I was suddenly overtaken with disgust for treating him so kindly and so I made a hasty retreat from the barn, back to my Gabrielle, who needed me more than any one else at that moment.