Mixed Emotions

Angelique's Eyes:

I was lost in a sea of voices and music, as I stood in the middle of the stage during the Opera Populaire rehearsal of Carmen. Beside me, a young man, presumably their new baritone attempted to overcome his stage fright while singing an excerpt from the play for the managers. Unfortunately for him, the strategy was not working so well. Helene stood a few yards away, practicing her scales, occasionally glancing at me sideways, to reassure herself that I was still nearby. She had been extremely edgy since her father had been consistently drunk and I had to admit that I couldn't blame her. I hadn't spoke to Raoul since my he struck my mother on that horrendous night when we were under house arrest and to my knowledge she hadn't either.

Regardless of all that was happening around me, I could not seem to focus on anything other than my own thoughts, which at the moment, included only my mother. Ever since that first terrible night when Raoul got exceedingly drunk, she hadn't been looking quite like herself. Her skin was a tinge paler that usual and her eyes appeared to be surrounded by dark circles that consumed the glisten that appeared in her eyes when she smiled. Then, one night, I remember waking to the most terrible sounds in the world. I heard her shrieking in pain, calling to my father for help. I listened silently in my bed for a moment until the cries subsided. I then immediately got out of my bed and raced down the hall, the sound of her petrified screams echoing in my ears. When I got to their bedroom, the room was empty, and so I quickly turned around and padded down the hallway towards the stairwell.

Once at the top, I could clearly see down into the lower adjoining rooms. My eyes froze on the still form of my mother on the dining room table. I watched as father, Raoul and Michael all stood over my mother speaking in hushed voices. I watched in horror as my father cut open my mother's stomach and began to search for the cause of her pain. I nearly fainted at the sight of so much blood covering her still body and had to grab hold of the railing in order to maintain my balance. I don't remember much after that, only that I sat down at the top of the stairs, my head resting in between two prongs of the railing, watching them all, tears of dread cascading down my cheeks. At some point I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I can recall was Michael standing over me. He knelt next to me, placing a hand gently on my shoulder.

"Mademoiselle Angelique…"

"Hmmm?" I asked groggily as I began to wake up slowly.

"Are you alright?" I hazily remembered where I was.

"Oh my God! MOTHER!" I quickly looked below, but saw nothing but a bloody sheet on the table. "My God! Michael!" I spun around to face him. The calming look in his eyes stopped my next words.

"It's alright my dear! Your mother is fine…Monsieur Erik has taken care of her…"

"But…what happened?"

"It seems that Monsieur Raoul broke a rib of your mother's…and it ruptured a kidney or something…Your father has performed surgery and it seems that she is well…for now at least…"

"For now?"

"She is unconscious Mademoiselle…she may not wake for quite some time…"

"Oh Lord!…What if she never wakes up? Oh God!" Panic began to consume my thoughts as I flung myself into Michael's arms and sobbed against his chest. His entire body stiffened for a moment, before he enfolded me gently in his arms.

A large thud broke into my thoughts and I quickly returned my attention back to the rehearsal. I turned my head only to see Madame Giry chiding her dancers, pounding her cane on the floor to emphasize her point. I suddenly longed to be among them. I knew my voice was beyond perfect, but I dancing had truly been my passion. Regardless, I wouldn't attempt to bring attention to myself, knowing full well that further investigations into my family would result in disaster, so I contented myself with thoughts of returning home after a long day of being surrounded by people who were ignorant as to the sort of struggles Helene and I were experiencing at home.

"Alright everyone…that's enough for today. See you all back for rehearsals once again tomorrow at noon. Try to be ON TIME, if you please!"

My chest felt as if a great weight had been lifted off of it as the director declared the rehearsal was over. I wasted no time, taking hold of Helene's wrist and towing her behind me towards the main doors to the opera house. Suddenly, I found myself face to face with the Opera's Patron.

"Bonjour, Monsieur…" I curtsied, Helene following suit.

"You both sang beautifully, my dears! But I wonder if I may request I private audience with you, Mademoiselle Angelique…"

I was stunned into silence. Helene squeezed my hand and I quickly snapped to my senses. "Monsieur, I am honored, to be sure…But you see my mother is not too well, and if you do not mind I would prefer to get to her as soon as possible…however, if you were to call again, I would gladly oblige you…" I said, smiling shortly before turning back towards the doors. I was somewhat annoyed when I realized he was following me still.

"But Mademoiselle, I would only take a few moments of your time…" I ignored him as much as was acceptable, occasionally nodding and smiling over my shoulder. He continued diligently. "Please…I will take you back to your home in my own private carriage, if only you would oblige me with a moment of your time.
"Monsieur! I told you, I must be getting home…If you cannot tell, I am fretfully concerned for my mother…another time, monsieur, I promise you…"

He grabbed my wrist and I spun around indignantly, "Monsieur!" I exclaimed, snappily. He immediately looked ashamed and quickly let go.

"Is there a problem here, miss?" Michael's voice was a welcome comfort to my ears. I turned quickly to see him in the carriage in front of me below the steps into the Opera Populaire.

"Michael!" I stared dazedly for a moment before continuing, "Oh yes…all is well, but I would like to get home to mother please…no detours…"

"Of course not, Mademoiselle…I would never dream of it…" he laughed. He turned his attention to the patron, who glared at Michael. "I suggest you allow this young lady to be on her way…as she said, another time, Monsieur." He gave the patron one final icy glance before urging the horses onward.

We were well on our way, before I brought my mind out of my thoughts long enough to speak to Michael again. "How is my mother?" I asked hopefully, recalling with a tinge of sadness how many times I had asked that question only to be met with the same, depressing response.

"Quite well Mademoiselle! She has awoke and is being cared for by your father, as always."

"Has she really?" I asked, suddenly feeling ecstatically happy, in near tears.

"Yes, Ma'am. I would not lie about this."

"Oh please, Michael, get me home to my mother!" I said, grabbing hold of his shoulder strongly. He jumped from my surprisingly strong hold on his arm, but regained his composure and clicked his tongue to make the horses to trot faster.

"She is awake? And well?" I asked, still not believing his wonderful news.

"It seems so, yes…"

"Honestly, I was beginning to wonder if she would wake up." I breathed, allowing my back to hit the seat with an audible thud as I allowed my body to relax.

"So was I mademoiselle…"

We remained silent for the rest of the ride. I suddenly remember Helene was beside me and I glanced over to find her sound asleep, leaning against the side of the carriage. I smiled softly before following suit and closing my own eyes as well. The last few weeks was beginning to take its toll on me and all I wanted at that point was to see my mother again.

The next time I looked out the window, I saw the long winding gravel drive leading up to our chateaux. My stomach leapt into a frenzy of emotion once again.

"Are you all right, Mademoiselle?" Michael asked politely. I suddenly noticed that I was practically hanging out of the carriage window in anticipation. I sat back, slightly embarrassed.

"No…all is well, Michael, thank you…" I mumbled, my eyes on my feet.

He chuckled softly. "Do not worry…I know that you are anxious to see your mother…your show of emotion will not make me think any less of you, I assure you…though I cannot see how what I think of you matters…"

I looked up at him and his eyes met mine. Something inside of me shifted under his gaze and I couldn't seem to tear my eyes away from him. I watched dazedly as he tore his gaze away from me to look over my face and shoulders. I felt more than saw his eyes roam over me and I sighed softly, which snapped him back to reality. He quickly spun around and looked at the pathway. Luckily for him, the horse hadn't noticed the inattentiveness of his master and had continued in the correct direction.

"I beg your pardon, Mademoiselle…I…" he stuttered.

"Forget it…" I interrupted him. "There is nothing to apologize for, Monsieur…" He nodded shortly and urged the horses up the drive. As soon as we reached the door, my mind went completely blank as I leapt from the moving carriage.

"Angelique!" Both Helene and Michael called after me. I stumbled slightly on the hem of my dress as my feet hit the ground, but ignored it completely. If I had heard them, I wouldn't have listened anyway, but regardless my mind was filled with a single thought that would not be denied. Mother.

I flew open the doors and ran up the stairwell towards my parent's bedroom, my heart beating in my ears. It seemed like it took forever to reach the doorway, but when I did I peered in skeptically, afraid that it was all a dream and my mother was still unconscious. I let out a pent up breath when my eyes rested upon two forms upon the bed within the room. My mother was curled up on her side, nestled against my father who was sound asleep with his arms around her and his chin resting on top of her head. He lifted his head and looked at me as I walked towards them. He gave me a broad smile as he lifted his finger to his lips. The uncovered right side of his face set off his smile and made me nearly laugh at the humorous expression it gave him.

"Daddy…" I whispered, suddenly feeling more love pass between us than ever before.

"My love…All is well…our torture has ended." He spoke softly, attempting to keep his voice down so as not to wake mother.

"Is she all right?"

"Yes, love…I believe she will be…She wanted to see you all so badly, but I'm afraid she just couldn't stay awake long enough…" at the sad expression on my face he quickly continued, "Do not fret, my dear…I'm sure she will wake soon…she has been asleep for far too long and if I know your mother, she wont want to stay in bed longer than necessary." He said, smiling as he looked back at her placid face beside him. He suddenly grew quiet before he whispered "I cannot fathom what I would have done if this day had not come…" I shuddered at his words, imagining what would have happened if mother hadn't woken. "I daresay that life would never be the same for any of us…She is our world…"

"Yes, father…she is…" I turned to leave but he called me back softly.

"Angelique…I am sorry if I seem inattentive to you and the others…It's just that when I think about your mother in danger, my protectiveness overtakes all my thoughts and I cannot think of anything other than her safety…I know you, Caroline, and Jaime should be my first priority at all times, I know this….but I just cannot help how I think under stress…"

"It's alright father." I cut in, silencing him quickly. "We all need mother more than anything and God knows that she cares about everyone but herself, so someone has to put her first. It only seems right that it is you. No need to apologize father, in saving mother you put all of us first…I love you Daddy!"

"I love you too, my angel! I will make sure your mother sees you as soon as she wakes."

"No need to hurry…knowing that she is well and awake will suffice until she is up and about. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, love…see to the others, will you?"

"Of course…All will be well in time…." I said looking into my father's eyes for a moment longer before I left to go check on the others as I had promised.