Rating: R
Warning: May eventually contain slash
Category: Humor/Romance
Summary: Hermione undergoes a change in thinking and is determined to enjoy her last year to the fullest. Wacky hi jinks and craziness ensue leading to a list of amusing new rules for her, friendships with slytherins, and romance. This is my first attempt at any kind of fiction so please be kind. Constructive criticism is wanted, flames will be ignored. Hermione is a little OOC because of her change in thinking.
Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns the Harry Potter Universe and all it's characters, I'm just playing with them for a bit. There may be slash as I said so you have been warned. I got the basic Idea for this story from the list 213 things skippy is no longer allowed to do in the army. I stole some of those things on the list as I could just hear them being said in the HP universe. Oh yeah and I don't own DR Seuss stuff either. I'm just borrowing it for fun. The title is a Dr. Seuss quote also.
Being a bit scatter brained I may get class schedules wrong. I didn't actually write one out so if I misplace a class day do forgive me. I'm working with the impression that classe times change from time to time.
Sorry it took me so long to update but I got a bit busy, I'll try and update at least once a week or more in the future.
Big Thanks to my Beta Gelsey. Whom without things would be less error free!
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Chapter 15
Detentions so far 15. List of things Hermione can no longer do at Hogwarts 20
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Hermione was clueless as to what Severus was up to. She would have never dreamed, well maybe dreamed, that Severus could be interested in her as a woman. So if she knew that he was asking advice on how to pursue her from Minerva and Albus she would have been blown away. She tried to ignore the feelings she got around him. Her dreams wouldn't let her hide from those feelings though. She woke up night after night from dreams of her and Severus kissing and making love, tobeing married with children and working on creating potions of their own.
It had been a couple weeks since her last detention. She had decided to try and space them a bit so she didn't run out before the end of the year. After all she did have 7 more months left of school. Despite not having detention she was still spending a few nights a week in the dungeon. A few days after her last detention, Severus had asked her to stay after class. He had then told her he enjoyed there talks and asked if she would like to come down to his office a couple nights a week and talk and work on potions with him. Of course she'd agreed. What a silly man, to think she didn't want to. They were getting to know each other quite well, and the more she got to know him, the more she felt for him.
Hermione decided that things in Hogwarts were getting to routine, it was time to have a little more fun. But what to do was the twenty four million dollar question. Oh, she had plenty of ideas, it was just a matter of picking the right one. Then it hit her. Seeing as how today was Thursday and she had Muggle Studies this afternoon, she decided she would do something with a Mugglish theme. Plus she knew it was going to drive Severus crazy. So Hermione got dressed and went down to the Common Room to fo to breakfast grinning wickedly at all the people she was going to annoy today.
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"Hey Mione, shall we head down to breakfast?" Ron asked as she met up with him, Harry and Ginny.
"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...," Hermione told them as she walked out the door.
"Huh," Ron and Ginny said at the same time, while Harry recognizing the verse just laughed and pushed them out the door.
In the Great Hall at the breakfast table Ron asked Mione what that nonsense was all about.
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells," was all Mione said while starting to eat.
"Your being very strange today Mione," was all Ron said as he started shoveling in food.
Seamus who had overheard looked up and grinned at Mione and Harry, laughing.
"Hey Mione," he called.
She looked at him with a raised eyebrow questioningly.
"I do not like green eggs and ham. I do not like them Sam I am."
"Yer Seamus not Sam. Has all of Gryff gone nuts?" Ron asked.
"You do not like them so you say. Try them, try them and you may," Hermione replied causing the Muggle-borns in Gryffindor to laugh.
"Bloody Hell guys what's with this? There is no green eggs. I don't even see ham on the table!"
Harry tried amid laughs to explain to Ron about Dr Suess. Soon it was time for their first class so the Gryffindor 7th years headed off to DADA.
"Today class we are going to work on the spell called Xonella, mostly called the X spell for short. It's a spell that is used quite a bit by Auror's to detect dark spells. It can help you stay out of some serious trouble from stepping into a dark trap," Professor Lupin told the class.
"What can you tell us on this subject Mione?" Professor Lupin made the mistake of calling on Hermione today.
"I learned there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some from behind," was all Mione said.
"Well that is definitely true. But what do you have to say about X?" Lupin tried again.
"X is very usefull if your name is Nixie Knox. It also comes handy spelling ax and extra fox."
"I see. Are you feeling ok today Mione? Is there something I should know about? Do you need to go to the hospital wing to have some spell reversed?"
"I would not, could not, in the rain. Not in the dark. Not on a train," Hermione stated smiling wickedly at him.
"Miss Granger, I'd appreciate it if you would answer my questions correctly unless you wish detention. If you are under some kind of spell then just shake your head. No then answer me without rhyming or it's detention for disrupting my class. This is not like you," Professor Lupin said, very frustrated.
"But it all turns out all right, you see. And I go back to being... me."
"Fine Hermione. Detention this evening. I'll let you know with who, when and where by owl by dinner. No more talking for the rest of the class."
Hermione stayed quiet the rest of the class except when practicing the spell, for which she did not rhyme. Then it was off to Care of Magical Creatures with Hagrid, where they were working with Hippogryffs again. About halfway through the class Mione couldn't take being silent anymore, who knew speaking only in Dr. Seuss rhymes would be so hard.
"The lions and tigers and that kind of stuff they have up here now are not quite good enough. You see things like these in any old zoo. They're awfully old fashioned. I want something new!"
The class stared at her as one, with those that understood the reference were laughing. Hagrid looked at her strangly and told her they would be moving on to something new shortly to just hold onto her tailfeathers, which made the class laugh even harder.
"Four fluffy feathers on a Fiffer-feffer-feff," Mione said to that.
"Hermione," Hagrid said, in a warning tone catching on that she was misbehaving.
"I am a Zizzer-Zazzer-Zuzz as you can plainly see," she said chin in the air as if he had offended her by calling her Mione.
At this the whole class laughed. Even those who didn't understand found this funny. Although Neville was just trying to figure out if he needed to know what a Zizzer-Zazzer-Zuzz was for his grade.
"Detention Hermione, even though I hate to do it. Can't be haven ya disrupt me class now."
"How did it get so late so soon? It's night before it's afternoon. December is here before it's June. My goodness how the time has flown. How did it get so late so soon?" Mione called out.
"Hermione!" Hagrid said loudly.
"I think what she's saying Professor is that she already has detention tonight," Harry told Hagrid.
"Well then Detention tomorrow Mione. I'm sorry but I'm gonna have to give you detention. Now class finish caren' fer yer Hippogryff and then you may go," Hagrid boomed out to the class.
"He speaks for trees and all living things, to clean the air and make sure the birds sing," Hermione said, shooting Hagrid a smile.
The rest of the class passed quietly and before they knew it it was lunch time with Potions to follow.
"Oi what a way to ruin the appetite," Ron said. "Putting Potions right after a meal. Who wants to deal with Snape on a full stomach."
"He is shortish and oldish and brownish and mossy. And he spoke with a voice that was sharpish and bossy."
"Gees Hermione I'll be glad when I can understand you again," Ron said in frustration. "Not that some of it isn't funny an all but still."
"I'm buying you the Dr Seuss collection for Christmas, Ron. Then you'll laugh at what your missing now. Not to mention everyone should read those books," Harry said happily.
"If you say so mate. Well, it's off to Potions, we don't want to be late."
"Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting. So... get on your way," Hermione told him while Harry laughed at the irony of Snape being a mountain.
Potions started out alright, they handed in their papers and of course he made the traditional dunderhead replies to Neville's.
"He's a really smart fellow, he's got brains in his head. But he doesn't speak words, he goes BOING BOING instead," Hermione snickered.
"Miss Granger, I don't believe your supposed to be talking, so don't."
"Professor," Pansy said with her hand in the air.
"Yes Miss Parkinson?"
"I forgot to add something, may I have my paper back for just a second?"
Hermione couldn't resist.
"The work is all done. Now she wanted it back."
"No Miss Parkinson. And 5 points from Gryffindor for not being quiet Miss Granger."
"Now we are going to be learning the Stability Potion. I will demonstrate this potion and then you will try it on your own. Hopefully one of you dunderheads can get it right. After that you will write a report which you will be reading to the class today."
"In the dark? Here in the dark! Would you, could you, in the dark?"
"Yes, Miss Granger, I will, and I can. Now hush and make it twenty points from Gryffindor," Severus said with a sigh before starting to show them the potion.
The Slytherins shot the Gryffindors sympathetic looks before watching the demonstration. Then they went on to making the potion themselves and it wasn't long before Snape was berating Neville once again. How he got in an advanced class was beyond anyone, especially with the way Snape hated him.
"Pink! I don't believe it should be pink, Longbottom. Not a good beginning."
"Jerry Jordan's jelly jar and jam begin that way," Hermione interjected.
"Detention Miss Granger and five more points from Gryffindor."
Harry tentatively raised his hand, willing to risk Snape's ire for Mione.
"Yes Mr Potter, what is it?"
"I just wanted to let you know she has detention tonight and tomorrow also."
"Very well another Saturday detention Miss Granger."
Hermione glared at him from under her lashes and decided to get him back for that. She had had plans for Saturday morning damn him, oh yes, he would pay. She would get more detentions but it would be worth it, she thought to herself with a smirk. The class finished their potions, some even getting them right, and then went on to write their essay. Once the last student had turned theirs over Professor Snape started calling them in alphabetical order to come up and read them to the class. When it was Mione's turn she gave Severus an evil grin which made him flinch and wonder just how much she was going to make him pay. She stood in front of the class and half turned so that she was talking towards Severus as well. She cleared her throat and began.
"Your mean one Mr Grinch You really are a heel You're as cuddly as a cactus Your as charming as an eel Mr Grinch You're a bad banana with a greasy black peel Your monster Mr Grinch Your Hearts an empty hole Your brain is full of spiders You've got garlic in your sole Mr Grinch I wouldn't touch you with a 39 and a half Foot pole You're a vile one Mr Grinch You've got termites in your smile You have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile Mr Grinch Given the choice between the both of you I'd take the a seasick crocodile You're a foul one Mr Grinch You're a nasty wasty skunk Your heart is full of unwashed socks Your sole is full of gunk Mr Grinch The 3 words that best describe you, are as follows, and I quote Stink, Stank, Stunk You're a rotter Mr Grinch You're the king of sinful sots Your hearts a dead tomato squashed with moldy purple spots Mr Grinch Your sole is an appalling dump heap Overflowing with the most disgraceful Assortment of deplorable rubbish Imaginable, mangled up in tangled up knots You nauseate me, Mr Grinch With a nauseous super "naus" You're a crooked dirty jockey and, you drive a crooked hoss Mr Grinch You're a 3 Decker sour crout and toad stooll sandwich With arsenic sauce!"
She gave him her brightest smile and sat down seemingly oblivious to the stifled laughter surrounding her and the incredulas looks.
"Miss Granger," Severus practically roared, "there will be no more quoting Dr. Seuss in class. You will be rewriting this assignment in detention on SUNDAY!!! Class dismissed."
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