Disclaimer: I don't own Final fantasy 8,I also don't own the lyrics used in this chapter. Metallica do.
A/N: Well this is a songfic, and as I said it is to a metallica song, a really beautiful song called "Nothing else matters" and okay this idea just randomly came to me, so I decided to turn it in to a story. Because I mean hello nothing else matters to squall except Rinoa in my opinion. I am dedicating this to anyone who has reviewed my other stuff on this site, as I keep writing for you guys! also to Wayne, who has been looking forward to this, and to Hannah pkot bunny genius and the person who forces me to keep writing lol! I'll just explain on the viewpoints thing um it is obviously third person narrated, but the italics are first person as squall narrates his own thoughts and memories also in italics and when he changes from 'she' to 'you' in his thoughts yes lol it is deliberate!and yes some qoutes are from 8, but y'all no I don't own em!. Okay. Enjoy everyone. Peace and light xx
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So close no
matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever
trusting who we are
Squall Leonhart sat in the large meeting room as the sun was starting to set outside the window, bathing the room in an orange glow.
"When are they going to get here?" Zell moaned
"No idea" Squall said flatly. They had been called to Deling to meet with some Government officials who were yet to arrive despite it was an hour past the meeting time. "they better be quick, I've got to be in Timber at 9pm"
"why" Zell asked as he drummed his hands on the table
"Supposed to be picking up Rinoa there. I dropped her off on the way here, she wanted to see some of her old friends and stuff, so I said I'd meet her back there later"
Squall had not been so keen on the whole idea actually, he much preferred her being either with him or at garden where he knew she was safe. But he couldn't exactly stop her from going to see her friends. Unfortunately he had discovered that being her fiancée did not actually allow him to tell her what to do, even if he was only trying to protect her. But she had convinced him round to this one. Timber was safe now, and even if there were to be any danger she could defend herself. Squall knew all this was true, but neither of these things had been the real reason he wanted her not to go. He missed her when she wasn't around, even if she was only gone an hour or a day he missed her. He couldn't actually imagine living without her now, she was like part of him. Even when he was missing her and she was away, in a way he still felt close to her in his heart, maybe because he was always thinking of her, she was always in his heart and his thoughts. He let his thoughts drift to her beauty and grace, only roused form such thoughts when his phone started to ring.
"Yes?"
"Is this Squall Leonhart?" asked the voice that was crackling on the other end
"yes it is"
"this is Timber hospital"
Squall grasped the phone tightly as fear and panic shot through him like an electric current. Timber Hospital. This was going to be about… Rinoa. A million thoughts flew around his head like bullets. Rinoa. Was she hurt? Was she…
"You know Miss Heartilly I assume?" the deep voice said on the other end of the phone
"she's my fiancée"
The voice paused "I'm sorry to tell you this, but there's been an accident. Miss Heartilly has been injured quite seriously. Could you please come here quickly?"
But Squall couldn't answer. He couldn't speak. He felt physically sick. He was frozen in the moment, his knuckles going white around the phone. The words had shattered his world.
"Mr Leonhart" the voice repeated "Can you get here?"
Squall snapped back into the moment with the realisation that he had to get to Timber. Right now.
"yes" he said before snapping the phone shut. He grabbed his jacket from the back of the chair, pulling his car keys out of his pocket and with out a word to anyone he headed to the door.
"Squall" Zell called out after him "What's up"
"I've got to go" Was all Squall said. He was still in a state of shock.
"what about the meeting?"
"I don't care. I've…I've got to get to Timber."
And nothing else matters
Never opened myself this way
Life was ours, we lived it our way
All these words I don't just say
Squall rushed to his car, flung the door open, slid in and jammed the key into the ignition, starting to the engine. He backed out of the space and headed through the roads of Deling to get to the main entrance and thus the road connecting with Timber.
He still couldn't quite fully grasp what was happening. An accident? What sort of accident? Was she going…to make it?
'She has to' Squall thought frantically as tears began to sting his eyes, blurring his vision and turning all the headlights of the cars around him into one surreal, gold and orange blur.
'She has to make it. She has to because I cant live without her. It's not possible. She's everything, she's my life. I've never felt like I do when I'm around her. I never felt anything until her. How could this happen to her? She's so good, she doesn't deserve this. She's done so much, so much for me. She saved me from loneliness, from myself. I can't go back to how I was before her. I was so alone. So cold, so isolated, so uncaring. But then she came along and changed everything.
She made me happy. She changed me. I've never let anyone in the way I let her in, I was always to afraid to. But she just melted all that fear away, like she was melting the ice around my heart. She could do it all with just one look. Just one look with those beautiful brown eyes, so full of warmth and depth. My eyes, they're nothing like hers, mine are cold. But she said they weren't to her. She used to say she could see everything I was feeling in my eyes, and I didn't have to say it. She knew how hard it was for me to tell her, to open up. It was hard because I was so afraid. Afraid that if I told her, if I admitted out loud that I loved her, that I'd lose her, like I lost everyone else. And for so long I didn't tell her how I felt. Eventually I did though and what I thought was going to be so hard turned out to be so easy. Something had been holding me back, I'd been holding myself back, but once I got over that I told her and it was worth it just to see the happiness on her face. That look she gave me made me forget that I was opening up for the first time and could be opening myself up to a lot of hurt slip away, out of my memory. But now? It's back. Am I going to lose her? Am I going to be alone again? She's the only thing in my life I care about. Rinoa…I love you, and I'm on my way"
And nothing else matters.
Trust I seek, and I find in you
Everyday, for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters
The amount of traffic was unbelievable. It was almost as if the odds were deliberately against Squall getting to Timber. It had taken him nearly an hour just to get out of the crowded Deling, so as soon as he hit the main road to Timber he pushed his foot down on the pedal, doubling his speed. He realised that this may not be the most responsible of actions; driving at a reckless speed with tears obscuring his vision and his hands shaking on the wheel with his thoughts all over the place. Memories were flashing in and out of his mind. Memories of how they had gotten to this point. The memories suddenly became crystal clear. The day they met….he remembered how she caught his sight and his breath as she walked across the crowded room to him…
"You're the
best looking guy here. Dance with me?…
Let me guess... You'll
only dance with someone you like.
Ok then...Look into my
eyes...You're-going-to-like me... You're-going-to-like-me...
Did it work?"
"...I can't
dance."
"You'll be fine. Come on. I'm looking for someone. I can't be on the dance floor alone."
'Of course after she walked away from me that night, I never thought I'd see her again. But fate had different ideas. Although I'm not so sure I believe in fate. I did, when we got together I truly believed it was meant to be, that fate brought her to me. But now, I'm not so sure. She's lying somewhere in a hospital bed, and I can't get there. Why would fate want that? Maybe it's all chance and luck. Although it didn't seem like chance when I met her the very next day. Of course its not like we really got on at first. It seems strange, thinking back to the way we were when we first met, now it seems strange to me that I could have ever not loved her. But to be perfectly honest, at first she irritated me. But then…then I saw a different side to her '
"I was scared...Really scared."
"It's over
now."
"I was
scared... I was really, really scared."
"You're used to battles, aren't you?"
"I couldn't...
I just couldn't. I couldn't fight alone…"
"Better get
going. I haven't forgotten your order…
Just stay close to me"
It was in that moment, that Squall had first seen a vulnerability and innocence in her. When he had first told her to stay close to him. Back then he thought it was because of his mission, her orders. But he remembered how it had slowly dawned on him that he had his own reasons for wanting her to be close to him. But by the time he realised, things had started getting more and more complicated.
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know.
Another chain of memories came drifting back into Squalls mind. He started to whisper the words in his head out loud hoping that someway, somehow Rinoa may hear them.
'I remember after the fight with Edea. you just collapsed. And I was scared. Really scared. You just lay there and when I saw you , I realised I had to do something. And I just acted…without thinking really. So I carried you all the way to Esthar. People probably thought I was crazy. Part of myself thought I was crazy. But there had to be a way to save you and by that point I was damn well determined to try anything.
I remember what hurt the most though, Rinoa; everyone asking were you dead. I couldn't cope with that thought then, the same way I can't really cope now. And they were all whispering, saying there was no way to save you. But I was still determined. But then things, they got worse again. You were a sorceress. And going out to space, that was supposed to be the answer to our problems, instead it was the cause of them. You were possessed and you just went out into space. I realised, that you were going to die…and it was hell. I'd never felt like that in my life. I remember, what I was told
'talk to her, your voice may not reach her, but your heart will' and I was calling to you, and I could feel your pain.'
Squall remembered everything he had felt in that moment, it was everything he was feeling now. Fear, worry, pain. He remembered how overcome with those feelings he had been, so overcome that he had risked his own life, jumped out into Space to save her.
'I knew it was possible that we were just both going to die that way, but, I didn't want her to be alone. I didn't want her to…die alone in fear, I didn't want her to die at all, but at the time I thought it was inevitable. But then, we were saved.'
So close no matter how far
couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
Squall thought back again, to when that ship had coasted in to view. It had been unbelievably fortunate. Then he remembered how he had sat with her in the ship. She had been so afraid, so afraid of what would happen to her. And Squall had been the one to tell her it would all be all right, even though inside he wasn't sure himself.
"I don't want the future. I want the present to stand still. I just want to stay here with you…"
And then it happened……
'They came…they came to take you away. And I was stupid enough to just let you go. Then I realised then there was no doubt about it, I couldn't be without you. And the feeling when you were far away, was just to much. I had to be close to you. So I went after you, and then when I got there, and I held you…it felt so right. It felt so good just to hold you in my arms and make you feel safe. I remember, you couldn't quite believe it.
"Squall, don't! I'm a sorceress!"
"I don't care!"
I remember, I really didn't care. I just wanted to be with you too much to care. I remember everything I ever felt for you. I remember when we stood in the flower field and we promised to find each other, I promised to wait for you. I remember everything we said. You were still scared and unsure and I wanted to make you feel sure.
"maybe, until this is all over I should just stay in that place in Esthar"
"no that'd be pointless. I'd only end up coming after you again."
Then I remember how afraid you were, afraid you'd turn again and afraid that SeeD would come kill you, and that I was the leader of SeeD. You said…you said you wanted it to be me. But I could never ever even consider something like that. Not in a million years.
"Even if the whole worlds your enemy, I'll be your Knight."
'But things didn't get any easier then. The final fight, time compression. All I could think of was you. I was so worried that you wouldn't make it. And then I almost didn't make it…and all I was worried about was that I was leaving you alone. But then…you saved me. And we watched that shooting star, standing on the balcony. I think…I think that was the most amazing moment of my life. And that kiss…it felt so right, so amazingly right to be that close to you. From that moment on, I never wanted to be anything other than as close as we were then. I realised then that I truly, truly loved you.'
And nothing else matters.
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
'Of course, so many people told me it wouldn't work. A sorceress and the commander of SeeD. I had so many people tell me how ridiculous it was, how it could never work. I also had people telling me we were too young, we didn't know what love was, and that it would all pass in time. I guess…I guess that's why people were so surprised when we got engaged. I cant wait to see hoe people are after the wedding.' Suddenly a horrible thought hit Squall. What if he never got to his wedding. What if Rinoa was…dead, gone and he never got a chance to marry her. Never got a chance to live his life with the girl of his dreams.
Squall was now in Timber and only had a few minutes drive left until he was at the hospital. He started to prepare himself for what he might actually have to deal with when he got there.
He could already feel fear and panic rising up within him. It was worse than anything he'd ever felt. He stopped the car in the car park of the hospital, jumped out, and shut the door, not even bothering to lock it. Entering the clean white and silent hospital foyer he went up to the desk
"Rinoa, Rinoa Heartilly, were is she?" he frantically asked the assistant who turned to her computer screen. She pressed a few buttons and spent a minute or two staring at the screen. Squall wondered how the hell could she take so long when this was clearly so important.
"Ah yes, room 204, floor 5"
Squall headed for the stairs and raced up them as quickly as he could, all five flights of them. When he reached the top he was breathless and still scared as hell. Frantically dashing the corridor he counted the room numbers. 212.……206 he was getting closer. And then he got there, 204, to see a doctor standing outside of the room, with a very serious expression on his face.
Never cared for what they say
Never cared for games they play
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they 'know'
"Where is she?. What happened?" Squall said to the Doctor
The doctor sighed "you must be her Fiancée, Squall?"
"Yes. Now what happened? Is she…alive?"
"Yes. At the moment. She was in an accident, a hit and run. She suffered massive internal injuries and some damage to her head and ribcage and a broken arm."
"Is she going to be okay?"
"Unfortunately, to be honest, her chances are not the best. We haven't yet managed to even stabilise her condition. And she is not responding at all. I would, as hard as it is to tell you this, I would advise that you prepare yourself to say your goodbyes" The doctor said sadly "I am very sorry"
"No…no this cant be right" Squall said suddenly collapsing against a nearby wall "this this is…no she'll …she'll be okay. Shes a fighter."
"I'm sorry, Mr Leonhart but…"
"No. I don't want to hear. Because you're wrong. You're wrong. She's going to be fine"
"please sir…we're doctors. we know what we are talking about. i know its difficult.."
"I want to see her. Right now."
"Of course" the doctor said
He opened the door to the room and there she was. Lying there. Still. Silent. There were cuts and bruises all over her face and there was wires and tubes coming out of her in every direction. Squall felt like he was being hit repeatedly when he saw her like that.
"I'll give you a minute" the doctor said, before closing the door and Squall was left in the room with Rinoa's silent form.
He crouched down by the side of the bed and took one of her hands. It was cold, stone cold.
"Rinoa" he said tears starting to fall from his eyes "please, please wake up"
But her form just lay still and lifeless. Squall again hoped that in someway, she could hear him. No he was there for her.
"They told me…they told me to say goodbye. But I can't Rinoa, I just can't…You don't deserve this. You deserved such a happy life, and I wanted to give you that life. But…but it's being taken away. Your dreams, your life, our future. Its all just disappearing, right in front of me."
Squalls body started to shake as sobs reverberated through it.
"I so badly wanted to spend my life with you, my whole life. I wanted you to be my wife. It would have…it would have been a beautiful wedding. We hadn't even set a date, but I know it would have gone perfectly. And some day, I think someday you would have made an amazing mother. We could have had kids, a little house somewhere in a little quiet town. And we'd just be together, every day. But they stole that, they stole my life and yours."
Silently Squall was hoping she would in someway respond to this, but he got nothing.
Then the crushing blow came. He really did have to accept that this may be the end.
After sitting and just staring at her for a few minutes. He whispered "I love you Rinoa. I always will" and then bent down and gently kissed her lips. Their last kiss….
But as he pulled away, opening his eyes he saw a tiny flicker of a movement behind her eyes. He blinked, thinking maybe he was seeing things. But then he saw her fingers move slightly at her side.
"Rinoa?"
Her saw her eyelids flicker, as if she was trying to open them.
"hey, I need a Doctor" Squall yelled loudly, and a few seconds the doctor came rushing in.
"She..she moved…" Squall said "she's alive"
"Mr Leonhart.." the doctor started, clearly not believing Squall, but then Rinoa moved her fingers again and emitted a tiny gasp……….she was alive!
So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
Squall sat outside the room, in the corridor. They had ordered him to leave as soon as they realised Rinoa may be waking up. Squall was going mad sitting in the corridor, just waiting. It had been almost an hour now and Squall wondered what the hell was taking so damn long.
At that point the door opened and the same Doctor walked out
"what happened?" Squall asked standing up immediately
"well, she was waking up apparently. She was passing in and out of consciousness, but strangely after a while, her condition appears to have stabilised… itself. We ran tests and they proved that she is infact now stable and on her way to recovering. I must say Mr Leonhart I am a man of science, but someone up there must have a real soft spot for you, because there is no medical reason for such a sudden and quick recovery. It's almost a case of mind over body, I guess she really wanted to live…well if you believe that kind of thing" the Doctor smiled
Squall didn't care how it had happened because what he believed in was Rinoa, and she was alive!
"Can I see her?" Squall asked, his tears turning into tears of joy
" Of course. But not for too long she needs to rest"
Squall opened the door and saw that Rinoa was awake. She looked pale and tired, but she was awake. But when she saw him she smiled, lighting up her whole face.
"Your okay!"Squall cried
"I'm fine…I'm fine." She said
Squall knelt down by the end of the side of the bed and took her hand, kissing it.
"I was so scared!"
"I was too. I could feel myself slipping away, and then I heard your voice, and I felt you kiss me and I just I fought so hard to come back, and I did…"
"Its incredible" Squall said "I was so scared, so worried so devastated I didn't know what to do. I was…petrified"
"I'm, I'm so sorry Squall" she said weakly
"Don't be. Don't be sorry. It doesn't matter. You're safe, and you're alive and we'll be together now. And I love you…"
And nothing else matters
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well there we go. i was aiming for it to be kind of sad, or atleast emotive so i hope you liked it and it was nice and all. and yes if anyone is wondering i was aiming for a sleeping beauty-esque ending with that magic kiss. peace and light xx