Chapter 7 - Unfortunate Revelations
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Notes/Disclaimer: The Discworld and all its characters are the sole property of Terry Pratchett. If I could worship him as a God, I would, but I'm not quite sure how he'd take that. At any rate, no money is being made off of this.
Warning: Little bit of Greebo/Vimes, little bit of Greebo/Vetinari. Also: this chapter is a tad limey.
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The Darkness was gathered, and it quivered with anticipation. The time was drawing near, it could feel it. The Battle, the age-old struggle approached. It need not wait much longer. Already the chaos had gathered much. Just a little more and the being of Light would come, and they would do battle.
The lurking Darkness smiled to itself. Almost time.
Vimes had never made the trip to Vetinari's office so quickly. Obviously Vetinari wouldn't be working there, but the Patrician's quarters were in an attached part of the building. Vimes prayed that he hadn't already been taken away by the stupid evil whatever-it-was.
Carrot was still somewhat behind him when he burst through the door into Vetinari's rooms. He had never been so thankful that Carrot had insisted they all memorize the layout of the Patrician's quarters. (1)As he skidded down the end of the hallway to Vetinari's bedroom, he heard a peevish, older voice call out from behind him, "Hey! You can't go in there!" and then the sound of Carrot being soothing. He paid them little attention, and instead barreled into the bedroom door, knocking it open and stumbling in.
A sudden flash of lightning accompanied his entrance, illuminating the entire room for a few brief seconds. For a split second, Vimes thought that Vetinari was being attacked. The large, romantic-looking man from the alley was crouched over Vetinari on the bed. Then Vimes took in the fact that they were both naked, and realized that Vetinari was being raped.
Then Vimes took in the way that Vetinari's legs were wrapped around the stranger's hips, pressing him tightly forward, and the way that Vetinari's head was tossed back against the pillow in obvious ecstasy, and realized that, in fact, Vetinari was not being raped at all. Then the lightning disappeared and they were all left in darkness.
There was silence as Vimes's eyes adjusted to the dim light that filtered into the room from the city. Damn it was dark tonight, darker than usual. When he could finally see again, he saw that Vetinari and the stranger were perfectly still, staring at him. They had not changed their positions at all, and Vimes got a distressingly clear view of the way the stranger was buried inside Vetinari. He knew, theoretically, that he should turn away, or cover his eyes, or something, but he was absolutely frozen to the spot. Not that it would have made a difference anyway; Vimes was pretty sure that this image would be engraved on the inside of his eyelids for the rest of his life. He wasn't sure he'd even be able to sleep again.
The stranger's eyes gleamed with liquid fury at the interruption, but Vetinari's eyes were as cool and calm as ever. "Commander Vimes," he said, as calmly as if it were an ordinary day at the office and he was behind his desk, "if this is not particularly urgent, I would appreciate it if you waited outside while I finish my current business."
"Yes Sir," said Vimes, his voice several octaves higher and a good deal smaller than he last remembered it. He hurriedly scrambled out of the room and closed the door forcefully behind him. He was leaning against the door, staring wide-eyed at the wood grain in the floor and counting slowly backwards from one-hundred in odd numbers when Carrot finally reached him.
"Sir! Is the Patrician alright?"
"He's fine," said Vimes, and his voice was still high and squeaky. "Um," said Vimes. "Maybe we should guard the front of the building instead. There seems to be, ah, no evil here tonight. Erm."
"Are you feeling alright Sir?" asked Carrot. "You look pale."
"Fine!" yelped Vimes. "Come on." He dragged Carrot forward, towards the exit. He'd rather wait out in the rain than stay here any longer.
Vimes really, really wished he was still an alcoholic.
(1) Carrot had thought it would be a good thing to do, in case someone tried to assassinate the Patrician. Vimes had tried to tell him that no one in their right minds would try to assassinate Vetinari, but Carrot had insisted that even though he was generally liked, there still might be someone crazy enough to try. Vimes had considered explaining that no one in their right mind would try because they wouldn't survive the attempt, but he decided instead to just let it go.
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