FFX Deaths My Way

CHAPTER 9

Disclaimer: yes as you all very well know I do not have a hop ion ever owning FFX, X-2, or the NRA. Oh, and just to clear things up, the Denny's mentioned in this chapter has got nothing to do with the popular diner franchise across the US of A.

Righto, the second-last chapter is upon us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know… so sad… cries hysterically right people twas my birthday on the 18th December, so I got superbly hyper and wrote this extraordinary exhibition of complete and utter randomness. Grins toothily while drooling slightly TO DAS STORY!!!!!!!

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After Tidus had finished indulging in his, uh, portrayal of… pleasure by- oh fuck it! I'll just say it! He was MASTURBATING! There! Happy now?! takes an angst fit coz Michael is an teenage emo, who has random fits of pointless suffering and needs his moments… anyways…uh… ahem, yes when he had finished doing that, he then got up, and because he's such a blonde little airhead he forgot to pull up his trousers and boxers (or as you yanks over there in America-land call them: pants and underwear.).

So poor little, now bare below the waist in the freezing cold of Macalania, Tidus, had to trudge through the snow and try to think what the hell he was going to do now, for all his friends were killed and he was stuck in a world a thousand years older than his own…

Tidus: I know! I'll play dominoes with that nice fellow over there!

Tidus gestured to no one in particular, the giant bag of cheesy Doritos that was now charging towards the bare blonde, who, after a prolonged period of approximately 7 minutes 34 seconds realised that he was being attacked, bizarrely, by a giant bag of Lulu's favourite crisps (translation to American-peoples: potato chips), had only then attempted to escape, but it was too late, the ravenous bag of Doritos had already taken him to his lair in Teletubby-land and gobbled him in one bite.

Tidus: Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm too young to be digested!!!!!

But thereafter Tidus discontinued his pointless attempts to call for help, for he had found his missing xylophone, in the fcontents of the Dorito bag's stomach, that disappeared mysteriously when he was five, after reports of a bag of a similar brand of everyone's favourite potato chips, for half price brillo pads, visit Denny's!, sorry… I was paid to advertise that, well on with the story! Yes, as Tidus discovered his long-lost xylophone he at first was with euphoria of ditsy happiness, but then, he was at a loss, what the HELL had he used the xylophone for?

But ah yes… he had used it as a toilet seat and when he looked closely, he could see what remained of the one thousand-year old shit… good times… good times…

Tidus decided after a while he was bored of the Dorito bag's gut, so got out his trusty pointed shoe, tore his way out, Doritos spilled everywhere… so Tidus continued to travel away from Teletubby-land, where cannibals, dragons and vampires lived, where Christians were persecuted, children were trafficked to the highest bidder, where there was a constant wave of natural disasters and wars, where the feared communist Teletubby dictator, Po spread its reign of terror and tyranny, but most terrible of all, they charged 50 gil more for cuckoo clocks than in the rest of Spira… truly terrible…

But when Tidus arrived home, he suddenly regain his senses, and paid for it in the morning…

The moral of the story, kids:

DRUGS ARE BAD!

This subliminal message was brought to you by the National Rifle Association.

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SOOOOOOOOOO….. that was random, wasn't it? Review or die.

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