Lina: -jumps up and down- Pick me!

Nehszriah: -ponders- Hmmm...

Lina: There is no comparison! You love my story! Don't you dare neglect me! Write about me!

Nehszriah: Hmmm... -sagely strokes chin-

Lina: -grabs bat- Fine! I'll beat it out of you! I'll beat you so hard that you'll hurt every time you even think about One Piece! Twice as much if the thought's yaoi!

Nehszriah: -eeep- Shit! -scuttles off-

Zoro: The author of this story is just a silly American fangirl, not the owner of Slayers. -sweatdrops- Nor does she own me.

Lina: Damn straight you man-whore! -chases Nehszriah-

Zoro: Fangirls are not my friends. -gloom-

Ni-juu-go

What Would Amtgard Do? Epic Battle Approaches!

It was a pleasant autumn day in Portland, just the right kind of day for the start of the World Series. The sun was warmly smiling down upon the ballfield, attracting the baseball fanatics from far and wide. People wandered carelessly about the stadium as the time for the game quickly approached. Many were becoming restless even. That brings us to a certain pressbox in Jones Soda Stadium, where two men, two women and a small white dog sat before a microphone, ready to begin broadcast coverage.

"Óla and welcome to the 2006 World Series of Baseball!" Air Jay said animatedly, thrusting out his arms and nearly hitting Naga and Ramon on accident. "I, the All-Mighty Air Jay, is here in the house along with my faithful dog Kiko and the ever-sexy Naga the Serpent! Now for the starting line…"

"Oi! What about us? Are we chopped liver or something?" Nehszriah snapped, forcing AirJay out of the microphone chair and onto the floor. "Nehszriah Shirubaa Kiri Morgana here with my co-commentator Ramon Wild Punch, here all the way from Knoxville to join the announcers of the Portland Slayers as our home teams go head to head in an American League/National League all-out royal rumble!"

"Hey! Who do you think you are, taking away my beautiful spotlight!" Air Jay barked. He tried fruitlessly shoving Nehszriah away from the microphone, but she resisted and did not budge.

"Don't shove me aside like I'm just a little kid!" she growled.

"You lie!"

"Don't try to do it!"

"Wanna fight?"

"Bring it you Portuguese clam!" Nehszriah said, pulling a dagger fashioned out of duct tape and cardboard tubing from underneath the table and pointing it menacingly at her opponent.

"I'd like to see you try you Dutch salamander!" Air Jay spat as he stood up in the press box, creating an Old West-style stand-off with Nehszriah. He took a lighter from his pocket and ignited the flame with a menacing grin. "I am the true warrior of the sea. It was my ancestors that bravely pioneered the high seas of the unknown in search of the exotic New World…"

"Tch, so what? My lineage boast shipwrights that made the proud Scottish seacrafts, soldiers that created solid empires that completely circumnavigated the globe, merchants that kept trade with Japan and colonized the highly profitable East Indies!"

"Enough with the trash-talk back there! We don't want to hear it, especially if it is about dead people you've never met!" Naga ordered. Of course, neither Air Jay nor Nehszriah were listening and they continued to attempt to psyche the other out.

"Au, au," Kiko sighed from Naga's lap. What idiots.

"You said it Kiko," Ramon and Naga signed simultaneously.

"Phoenix Fire…"

"Silver Fog…"

"Punch!"

"Slice!"

Air Jay and Nehszriah bolted towards one another. They almost were able to land their respective blows, but Nehszriah suddenly tripped over herself, landing flat on her face. Air Jay gave a v-for-victory, but he forgot that the lighter was still aflame and when he brought his hand by his body, he accidentally singed his shirt and side.

"They're idiots," Naga sighed.

"More like pathetic excuses for fierce warriors of the seas!" Ramon yelled back at the two deflated fighters, bringing up their mighty-sounding trash-talk from before.

"Au ruf-uf au," Kiko barked. Let's get back to the topic at hand here.

"Insensitive jerks," Nehszriah grumbled as she went to make sure Air Jay did not completely panic at the self-inflicted injury. She was forced to put the panicking man into a headlock in order to calm him down completely. It was a shame she could not use her druidic capabilities in situations like this, otherwise there would be a room full of defeated enemies. Curses to Amtgard for not being real were muttered as she lugubriously fetched the first-aid box from the cupboard.

"Whatever," Naga muttered, embarrassed for the other members of the press box. "Now folks, it looks as if we are going to have a very interesting series ahead of us, aren't I right Ramon?"

"That's right Naga. No one thought that they could do it… even the members of the teams themselves, but both of the year's expansion teams have plowed their way through the competition with huge strokes of luck on either side."

"Yes. It has truly been a Cinderella Series this time around. I can guarantee that we are definitely going to see a true game of baseball not only in this game, but until a victor is decided."

"Now for the starting batting order for the visiting Knoxville Gladiators!" Ramon quickly cut in, noticing that paying attention to the sea-warrior scuffle cut their broadcast time near in half. "We have Salmonson, Gato, Rakozy, Casa, Romo, Guadalajara, Sol, Long and Blake!"

"I guess this means that now it's time for the starting positions of the hometown team Slayers!" Naga said, catching on to Ramon's hint. "We have Murdoc Rodriguez at first, Gary Polous on second, Liam Inverse at shortstop and Aaron Reed at third. In the outfield, from left to right, is Sam Vilsis, Kurt Fuchs and Jan Oisterwijk. The catcher is Takashi Takeda and the starting pitcher today is Jimmy Gardner."

"These two teams were definitely two teams to watch even back in the beginning of the season," Ramon added, thankful they were able to fit in the important information and move on to small talk.

"Yes, I fully agree," Naga said. "All the way from their management to the athletes, both the Slayers and the Gladiators have been unique teams worthy of their playoff spots."

"I do have to admit our managers are a bit... special..." Ramon said with embarrassment.

"What? You don't have the crazy one!"

"That's what you think." Ramon looked down at the field and saw the manager for the Gladiators doing what appeared to be a tap dance in the dugout.

"Is that...?" Naga gasped.

"Who? What? Let us see!" AirJay and Nehszriah demanded, having recovered from the lighter incident. They pushed their way to the window, resulting in Nehszriah freezing in place as her face turning sheet white and AirJay bursting out into hysterical laughter.

"Back to the point," Ramon sighed, gently nudging aside his statuesque co-commentator so that her could get to the microphone. "May the best team win."

80808080808080808

"Kurt, you talk to them."

"I don't wanna talk to them. You talk to them."

"Well, someone has to talk to them."

"I'll talk to them..."

"NO!" Lina and Kurt yelled at Xellos. The three were standing by the clubhouse door, a looming gaggle of sportswriters and reporters clustered out in the hall. Lina and Kurt had promised Amelia that they would go and talk to her before the game, but neither wanted to go and face the possible doom that would result from forging the reporter gauntlet, nor let out their manager and have him say Lord-knows-what.

"Well, the game is going to start soon, they might as well talk to me," Xellos argued calmly.

"Ah, let me think about that for a second. No," Lina snapped. "We need to uphold our reputation and I don't want you mucking it up."

"A reputation for having a short-tempered, red-headed shortstop that could be the enemy of all who dare oppose her?" Kurt piped in. Lina went and proved his point by elbowing him in the gut.

"No... our reputation for having a highly intimidating team," Lina said, folding her arms.

"Ah, but we are facing the Gladiators today," Xellos said smartly, holding up his index finger. "Have we not been trounced by them before?"

"We just trounced them right back!" Lina snapped.

"What about you? Do we need to take extra precaution with you and your batting situation?" Xellos's face lit up with mockery.

"No," the shortstop scowled. "What got to me is only one of their pitchers and he's not starting tonight."

"Lucky for us then," Xellos chuckled as he walked off to go bug someone else in the clubhouse.

"That's it," Lina grouched.

"What?" Kurt asked curiously.

"I'm calling her." Lina stomped over to her locker and pulled out a cellular phone.

"Calling who?"

"Who do you think, the president of Scotland?" Lina scoffed.

"Does Scotland even have a president? I thought they had a Prime Minister."

"Exactly." Lina pressed in Amelia's phone number as she walked back to the clubhouse door and hoped to God that Amelia had her phone turned on.

"Hello?" a deep man's voice answered, taking Lina by surprise.

"Is Amelia there?"

"Yeah. She's right here."

"Who in the hell is this?"

"Who wants to know?"

"Does it really matter?"

"Of course it does. Now, who are you?"

"A friend of Amelia's."

"Fine." There was some far-off sounding noise and the sound of the cellular phone being passed around.

"Hello?"

"Amelia! It's Liam."

"Mr. Liam! Where are you? Mr. Zelgadis and I have been waiting here for you and Mr. Kurt for what feels like ages now! People are starting to look at us funny."

"Yeah, well, we can't come and see ya right now," Lina said, looking out the clubhouse door again to double-check and make sure that the reporters were still there. "We've got a river full of live ones clogging up the way out of here and if I think we go out through the dugout, someone will spot us and that would be the end."

"That's okay Mr. Liam," Amelia sighed sadly into the phone. "Just tell Mr. Kurt and everyone else that we're cheering for you all the way!"

"Right. See ya 'Melia." Lina snapped her cellular phone closed and looked over at Kurt. "She didn't sound too upset. She said to say she's pulling for us."

"Okay," Kurt said unenthusiastically. He followed Lina back over to her locker and sighed morosely.

"What?"

"I have a really bad feeling, right here in the pit of my gut," he answered, placing a fist on his stomach area.

"That's called: stop eating three-alarm tacos two hours before a game. Remember what happened in Houston when you did that?"

"My stomach wasn't very happy with me that night," Kurt grimaced. He remembered still quite clearly how embarrassing it was, for the taco meat he had was accidently spoiled and everyone knows what happens to a persons bowels when spoiled meat is unwittingly consumed. He could not play the rest of the series, let us just put it at that.

"Then why'd you eat rancid tacos again?"

"No. I did not get pood poisoning this time. There's something about the game. Maybe we should ask Wanker if we can sit out..."

"Are you nuts?" Lina was about ready to smack Kurt across the face. "Sit out? Not just no, but hell no!"

"I really want to play too, you know that," Kurt snapped with frustration. "I just have a bad feeling about playing tonight."

"Was it the salsa? I remember you having the salsa at my apartment this morning and I can't guarantee the freshness of anything in my refrigerator..."

"Liam, I am being dead serious!"

"Really? Well, so am I."

"You really should pay attention to what your teammates tell you Mr. Inverse," Xellos advised, popping up out of thin air once again. Lina and Kurt jumped when they both realized he was there and glared angrily at their manager.

"...and you really should pay attention to who has a bat near them when you play your reappearing act!" Lina snapped, grabbing her favorite bat from her locker and pointed it threateningly at the purple-haired man. "You have crossed me for the last time! I'm gonna teach you a lesson you'll never forg...ick!" Lina was cut off by Kurt clenching the back of her collar and physically dragging her through the clubhouse.

"Why do you always force me to do this?" he sighed. His face turned a slight reddish color as he noticed all the other players laughing at the scene they were making.

"I'm not forcing you to do anything besides let me go!" Lina said, struggling to break free of her friend's grip. Kurt just sighed again and walked up the stairs to the dugout, the nauseous feeling in his stomach becoming worse with every step.

Please, don't let anything go wrong...

80808080808080808

"Mr. Zelgadis, I thought that you didn't like sitting up here in the box."

"You're right. I don't."

"Then why are we?"

Zelgadis slouched down a little further in his chair and looked over at Amelia. She appeared to be genuinely confused, wondering as to why both of them were sitting in the owner's skybox after he had condemned it before.

"It just looks good for the team, that's all. If I didn't have to watch the game here, we wouldn't be having this conversation and would be in the stands with everyone else," Zelgadis explained. He shifted in his seat again, remember the last time he was sitting there. It was Opening Day, when Frances had come on to him so... openly. One more reason to avoid the place. It seemed so long ago that if Zelgadis was not aware of exactly when it was, he could have mistook it for being a few years earlier.

"Okay," Amelia said, leaning forward to get a better view of the field. "I do hope that Miss Lina does well today, don't you?"

"Sure," Zelgadis grumpily replied. Amelia shifted uncomfortably in her own seat and frowned.

Why is Mr. Zelgadis being so grouchy? she wondered. He seemed perfectly fine a few days ago. Maybe that was just an unusually good day or something like that. She looked down at the field to see Kurt nearly dragging Lina out of the dugout and onto the field, preventing her from potentially harming their manager. The redhead was forced to shout obscenities at Xellos instead as the violet-haired man cackled and bit his thumb at her. Please contain yourself Miss Lina. This is the last leg of the playoffs. Don't blow it now...

Things To Know

Amtgard: The live-action role-playing thing that I really want to join. I am in the practice stages right now, but I am in a group of kids who want to start a chapter up where we live. It's gonna be a shire completely made up of junior members though since none of us are twenty yet. Yet what would Amtgard do in -any- situation? Put on garb and hit people with foam. In my case: forget the garb, wave around arms while chanting and poking others with (the ever illegal) cardboard tubing and duct tape.

AirJay vs Nehszriah Battle Royale: Something I made up one day a while back while sitting in Chemistry. Actually, I don't know when I exactly wrote the chunk of it, only that I did it in about fifteen minutes and on a complete roll, insults, boasting and all.

The Gladiators Manager: My muse: Jim Leyland. Tigers manager. He's so flippin' strange for a manager. He hugs his players, cries, blows his top at the umpire (that was fun to watch) and scares the absolute shit out of everyone with his managerial decisions. Therefore, in his example, all baseball club managers should be crazy. Another good example: Ozzie Guillen and his metal folding chair of death.