Yay! Now, ahead of all you lucky readers is -gasp- some drama. So dramatic I cried. Not really, but it made me want to. Sort of. I do not own Slayers, Portland, Knoxville, my reviewers, line dancing or the OOCness of the unusually calm Naga. -produces Slayers novel- Fear me.

Ni-juu-roku

Is the Jig Up? Let Us All Blame Xellos!

"Stupid-ass Wanker!" Lina screeched. "Come on out here and fight like a man! I can take ya, chicken!"

"No can do Inverse," Xellos giggled from the dugout as the rest of the team passed his to go to either the field or the bench. "You just let off steam and we'll talk later."

"Kurt, you can let go of me now."

"Not until we get to second," he replied. Lina folded her arms and walked decidedly backwards until Kurt released her collar as they reached the midway point between their two positions.

"Stop that."

"Stop what Lina?"

"Treating me like a kid."

"I do not."

"You do too."

"What would make you think that?"

"You're dragging me out here, aren't you?"

"I treat you like a sibling," Kurt argued. "We agreed that is how we would act towards one another. Back in April, right?"

"Right," Lina muttered. She stormed off towards her place at short, leaving Kurt to join Sam and Jan in the outfield for a warmup game of catch.

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"You know Naga, I doubt that we could have asked for a better game today," Ramon said from the broadcasting booth. "Here we are, top of the second now and both teams seem to be evenly matched."

"Yes, despite antics from both managers towards each other and their athletes, this meeting seems to be one of two tightly woven entities," Naga added, a tic mark forming on her clenched fist as AirJay and Nehszriah played with Kiko in the background. Well, the word for it was not necessarily playing per se. The situation was more Nehszriah having a fight with the small white dog and the pyromaniac being the referee.

"I've noticed how brotherly the members of the Slayers are towards one another," Ramon continued, forcing Naga to put her fist down at her side. "Inverse and Fuchs in particular."

"Well, it is only natural, since the two have spent their rookie year together. They had to share the exact same trials and tribulations." Naga glanced down at the field. "Looks as if we have Francisco Casa of the Gladiators up to bat."

"You know, I have really been watching him all year and this guy has some power that Gardner does not want to mess with. He really should just throw high heat, maybe a sinker, otherwise his playoff ERA will definitely suffer for it."

"I bet. Just looking at him leads me to believe that he is naturally built for slugging."

"Stop looking at other men!" AirJay whined from the back.

"She's freakin' paid to do that!" Nehszriah snapped as she stood up, having just been able to release Kiko from her arm.

"Wanna fight Oranje?"

"Bring it, cheater."

"Cheater?" AirJay asked, sounding shocked. "I think you are just a poor sport. We just play better football..."

"That's it!" Nehszriah snapped, tackling AirJay, starting another fistfight.

"Act your ages for once!" Ramon sighed. After shaking his head in disappointment, he returned his attention back to the game. "Ball one on Casa."

"What in the world is that man doing?" Naga whispered, leaning forward so that she could look down and see the field easier. Ramon, curious, joined her. AirJay, Kiko and Nehszriah even paused their fight to investigate.

"Jeezum crowe," Nehszriah gasped, her face turning red. "I knew he was mental, but this is ridiculous."

"For all you folks out there listening to the unorthodoxy of this broadcast, it seems as if the Slayers manager, Xellos Metallium, is doing the Chicken Dance on top of the dugout. Lord only knows why, but he is," Naga said in a nonchalant manner.

"This guy is crazier than you told me he was," Ramon said with surprise. He looked over at AirJay, who clearly seemed unimpressed.

"He's a dork," AirJay said, rubbing his temples. "Ignore him."

"Auf, uf, au." What a creep.

"You said it Kiko," Nehszriah sighed. "You said it."

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"Get the hell down from there Wanker!" Lina yelled at Xellos from the field. She knew she was supposed to be paying attention to the game, but the man that was up at plate usually hit into right field, not left or even down the center. "Come on and stop that already! You're making a fool of yourself!"

"Liam! Pay attention God damn it!" Gary snarled, annoyed at how the shortstop was technically yelling through him instead of directly at their manager, since he was physically between them.

"I can't concentrate with him doing that!" Lina griped. She snapped her head towards the batter as she heard the distinctive crack of a ball connecting with a bat. Luckily, it was just a grounder to second, Gary gracefully scooping it up and tossing it to Murdoc for an easy out.

Then, the team's nightmare occurred. The man playing the stadium's music apparently was having fun watching Xellos act like a mental patient and put the Macarena on over the intercom.

"The frick...?" Lina snarled. She was as dumbfounded as she possibly could have been, staring at Xellos with a disgusted look on her face as he shimmied on the dugout roof. She heard the crack of the bat again and looked back towards the batter.

The line drive only gave her eyes time to grow wide.

To her teammates around her, it was like watching a slow-motion horror effect. To everyone else watching from the stands or on televison, it happened in less than an eye-blink's time. Lina had positively no time at all to react due to the fact she had been distracted by Xellos's dancing for so long. She stood there as the baseball connected with her face, crushing the bridge of her nose and splitting open her skin. Flying helplessly backwards, Lina could see a trail of blood linger in the air as she fell down to the ground.

"LIAM!" Kurt screamed. Lina could barely hear his voice. Everything she heard was muffled. Her vision was incredibly blurred. For a moment, she could not feel anything, but once she hit the ground, her face erupted in an explosion of pain. Lina curled up, clutching her face in agony.

Make the pain stop! The mother f... aaargh!she thought angrily.

"Kurt! Help me get him out of here!"

That sounds like Gary. Go the hell away! Let me be damn it.

"Hang in there Liam!"

Takashi, get your ass back behind the plate.

"Liam, stay awake!"

Kurt, you're a moron. Do you really think I want to sleep at a time like this?

Suddenly, Lina felt herself being lifted up. She tried to move her arms and legs to fend off the hands that clutched her body, but she was unable to budge.

"Stay calm Liam."

Kurt Niels Fuchs, put me down or I am beating the shit out of you once I can move and see again.

She was moving now; Lina could not doubt that she felt movement. The softened voices around her grew quieter and quieter with each passing second. Everything was a mixture of fuzzy colors and crimson. A throbbing pain pulsated throughout her forehead, making the injury even more bothersome. The air became cooler as the person carrying her unevenly went down a flight of stairs.

I must be in the clubhouse now. Don't I need medical people here or something? This freakin' hurts like a bitch.

"Kurt, is there something you and Liam are hiding?" Lina could hear Gary ask as Lina was put down on a very hard wooden bench.

"Umm... no..." the fielder muttered. The distance of his voice led Lina to believe Gary was the one that had been carrying her.

Ah, shit.

"Don't lie to me, asshole. Liam is not 'Liam', is she?"

Damn it! He must have gotten to me before Kurt could! You pain in the ass...

"W-W-What..?" Kurt stuttered, trying to sound as if he was out of the loop.

"Don't try to tell me otherwise! I can tell when I am carrying a guy and when I'm not!"

Now, how would he know that? Is there something you're not telling us?

"Listen, Gary, you don't understand..."

"Just tell me the truth! Is that really a Liam?"

Kurt sighed. "No. Her name is Lina."

I'm gonna kill you.

"I can barely believe it," Gary said quietly, barely loud enough for Lina to hear. "All this time, Liam was just..."

"Yeah. Amazing, huh?"

"Just what in the hell are we going to do we do with her now?"

Are you kidding me! What do you mean by that? It's called a hospital! Oh, damn! I can't go to the hospital! They'll report me! That is, if Gary doesn't report me first...

"I think we should get Aaron," Kurt suggested.

The kid's dad was a medic. That doesn't mean he is. Dumbass.

"There should be a nurse somewhere around here... I think... we should go find her," Gary said. Lina could not see it, but he was looking down at her nose and cringing, chills going up his spine at the sight of her blood.

Should have done that first, genius! Question: why do I get the Keystone Cops to take care of me when there should have been professionals from the start?

"Here I am! I came as quick as I could!" a new voice said. The person was decidedly female. In fact, familiarly female.

Who in the hell is that? I've heard that voice before. Where?

"Hang on there Liam. I'm a nurse and certified to take care of you."

The frick! That's Maliska!

Lina could feel a soft hand brush up against her own that was cupped against her face. She was just able to swat Maliska's hand weakly, not wanting her to find out anything. The effort was futile though, for Maliska was able to move away Lina's hand and start wiping off her forehead and face with something cool and wet.

Go away. Not you too.

"Come on now Liam. It will be okay. Hey Kurt, do you know if his cousin is here at the stadium? I think she might want to come over here."

"His cousin?"

Gary, just keep quiet!

"Yes, his cousin. Her name is Lina Inverse. I know that she knows Kurt, because I saw them together at the All-Star Fan Fest in July."

Gary just laughed.

"Stop it man!" Kurt snapped. Lina could hear the faint smack of Kurt hitting Gary on the arm. "Let Miss Maliska do her work!"

"Thank you Kurt," Maliska said. There was a rustling of containers and objects and the sound of her opening something.

AAAAAHHHH! PISS! Lina cursed to herself as the redheaded woman put something that stung horribly onto her wound. She writhed violently in pain, accidently smacking Maliska backwards onto the ground.

"Ow!" the woman exclaimed.

Oh damn. I'm sorry. This just REALLY HURTS!

"Here, I should have done this first," Maliska said, having gotten quickly over being struck. Lina felt something poke at her open forehead, then after a slight stinging sensation, the pain in her forehead and nose vanished.

What the hell did she do to me?

"Yeah, you really should have given her the painkiller first," Gary said blandly.

"Her?"

Shit Gary, now I have to kill you too! Wait... Maliska stuck a needle in me! PISS!

"Yeah, didn't you kno...mph!" Gary said, his voice obviously cut off by Kurt's intruding hand.

"Nothing Miss Maliska! Nothing at all! Poor Gary here's just in shock over the blood. Can't stand the sight of it can you?"

"Kurt, you ass," Gary snarled as he shoved his teammate away. "What's the big deal?"

Finally, someone else who understands.

"What's going on here you two?" Maliska demanded. "If there is something I have to know about Liam Inverse, then spit it out right now!"

List of people to kill has now lengthened to three!

"Liam never existed," Gary said. Lina could hear Kurt groan in a frustrated manner and kick his locker.

"What are you talking about?" Maliska asked slowly. "He's right here in front of us."

"That right there is no Liam. That right there is a Lina."

Gary, you have surpassed Kurt on my hit list. Congratulations. You shall be my first victim.

"Lina...? Impossible...!"

"It's not," Kurt growled through clenched teeth. "Please Miss Maliska, don't tell anyone about this! That's why we haven't brought her to a hospital yet! I know that she needs medical care, but she'd kill me if we brought her to some place where her identity could be spilled to more than two people."

I already want to murder you for the two.

"Is it even possible for you to sew her up right here?" Gary inquired.

"Yes... but..."

"Please do it," Kurt pleaded. Lina let her head fall sideways so that she could see a blurry outline of what had to be Kurt running over to Maliska. "Please, we can't let anyone else know about this. Not yet."

"I don't know..." Maliska said nervously. "I could lose my license."

"Lia... erm... Lina, don't tilt your head like that," Gary sighed, going over to Lina and making her face the ceiling. "The blood's getting all over the floor."

This bites. Nurse Gary to the rescue. Damn.

"Well, I think that maybe we should move her over to another room, instead of being out here in the open of the clubhouse where anyone can walk in and see her," Maliska said, sounding more like a medicinal authority. "Come on you two, we've got to get her out of here."

"Yes ma'am!" Kurt said. He went and picked up Lina gingerly, being careful to keep her head supported so that Maliska could look at her forehead and shattered nose clearly.

"What if she's got brain damage? Wouldn't that mean that we can't move her at all?"

No brain damage here, moron.

"The fact she's not twitching spasmodically without a catalyst is a good sign. I have faith in the fact that we can move her."

You've been a nurse how long again? A nurse. Not a doctor. NURSE!

"Then let's go," Gary said. Lina could feel Kurt walking now, most likely alongside Gary and Maliska.

I hate you all, Lina thought, weakly trying to lift her arm. Damn. Why can't I freakin' move?

"Mr. Liam!" screamed Amelia's voice. The feeling of Kurt's heart skipped a beat as Lina felt him turn towards their friend.

"Her wound's gotta be sewn up quick, but not where people can see," Maliska explained. Amelia let out a small gasp.

"You figured it out?"

"We had to be told," Gary said. "I figured it out though."

Yeah, pervert.

"Then I know where we can take her," said a voice Lina did not recognize. "Come on and follow me."

"Really Mr. Zelgadis?"

"Yeah, now hurry! I bet the press will get here any minute!"

Zelgadis? Zelgadis Graywords? Amelia, since when do you get around like that? Heh.

"Hey, she's smiling!" Amelia gasped. "Miss Lina? Can you hear me?"

Lina was barely able to groan. It hurt to do much more than think. It hurt to think before, but since the shot of painkiller, her thinking processes went along just fine.

Amelia, kill them for me... please?

"Come on, we got to move, now!" Zelgadis roared from down the hall. Lina's ears stung when she heard his yell. Her ears regained full ability now, so she was able to clearly listen to what was going on around her. That did not help when the only clue she had to where Kurt and the others were running to was that it was on the same level as the clubhouse.

If I die, it's your guys's fault.

Things To Know

ERA: Acronym for Earned Runs Average, or how many people a pitcher allows to score on his duty. Really good pitchers have a really low ERA ( less than three) with tons of innings pitched. Innings cumulative is something to keep in mind as well. A person who allows two runs in three innings is much worse than a person who allows two runs in thirty.

Oranje: That be how the Dutch spell the word "orange". Also, I actually added AirJay vs Nehszriah Part Deux last minute. It refers to yesterday's World Cup game. That was a nasty thing to sit though. Three red cards... per side! The referee was a joke and neither team played their best and fairest... in my opinion. It was so awful, on top of being awkward, it nearly killed me!

Chicken Dance and the Macarena: I think that's who you spell Macarena. Tsk, tsk... crazy mazoku general.

Lina's Predicament: So she can think still. In fact, she can think with salty language to boot! Now when she ordinally went down on the field, I was thinking that it went a bit too... stupidly, but then I imagined her going down like people in anime that are shot and they kind of have that silhouette thing where they arch their back as they fall. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. The coolness. Still, I really am stretching a lot with the whole handling of her injury. Kurt and Gary, if they were normal athletes, would have stayed on the field.

Maliska: Yes! She is back! Trust me, I do not own the Maliska character. The part though, about Lina yelling at her for being only a nurse and not a doctor, that was nothing intended to be mean, just sarcastic.