OK, I really hope you all are enjoying this. I've got a quite a bit planned for this story. Expect some conflict, some indecision, some tough choices. One thing I PROMISE is that you will like how this ends, no matter what! For now, I'm not revealing any of my future plots and I'm not revealing who ends up with who. You'll just have to read. For now, enjoy. I made this chapter long just for you guys!

AFTERMATH

Chapter 4: So Complicated

"First wife?" Meredith managed to spit out after a moment Addison sighed and nodded as she stepped tentatively into the room.

Meredith waited, she knew she had to if she wanted some sort of reason, explanation. Finally, Addison raised her eyes to the younger woman's. Meredith's breath caught in her throat. Normally Addison the poster girl for confidence, but there was something in Addison's eyes that she'd never seen before. Something she herself was very familiar with. Good old SUV. Sadness, Uncertainty and Vulnerability. Whatever Addison was trying to say was causing a great deal of discomfort.

"I don't know much. You of all people know how secretive Derek can be." Addison finally began, her eyes flitting to Meredith. She didn't move, didn't blink, didn't breath. "They were young. She was 18, he was 23. He was about to start med school at NYU and she was an incoming freshman. They met, I think, at a grocery store and hit it off. They dated for almost a year before getting engaged on her 19th birthday. They were married a few weeks before she turned 20. They lasted two years." Addison finished, her voice robotic and mechanical, her eyes glazed over, seemingly locked on the wall in front of her.

Meredith attempted to absorb this. She had to ask. "What,.. What happened?" She asked at last, her voice barely above a whisper.

"They were too young. It was his first couple years of med school and he was trying to hold down a job. She was in the same boat. Time wasn't there. Or rather, I guess, it wasn't important enough. She apparently approached him several times about the issue, and he basically ignored her, thought it would go away. She got fed up, had divorce papers drawn up, and signed them. Then she waited until he was at work, packed her stuff and left the papers and a note. That was it." Addison told her with a shrug. Before Meredith could comment, Addison continued. "As for me, well, I was the rebound that he couldn't shake. He didn't want to be alone and I was in love with. Which isn't to say that he didn't love me, because he did. But truth be told, he did, does, and probably always will love her more than me." She said with a small sigh.

Meredith wasn't really sure what to make of all this. Does that mean he loved this other woman more than he loved me? Does he still love me? Does he still love her? Did he even love Addison? A million thoughts bounced around in Meredith head. "Look, the only reason I told you this was because he already sprung one wife on you, it's not fair for him to do it twice." Addison told her, snapping Meredith out of her thoughts. And with that, Addison spun in her perfect heels and left

Meredith just sat there, trying to grasp the situation, trying to put it all together. So far, she was coming up with nothing. None of it made sense. I've got to talk to him. She thought miserably as she stood to find Derek. She checked her watch. He should be done with lunch by now. Sure enough, 5 minutes later she found him in the locker room brushing his teeth and washing up.

"Were you even going to tell me or were you going to let me find out the hard way?" She angrily demanded. Derek froze. She knows. Damnit she knows. How did she find out? Who told her? Why? He finally raised his eyes, meeting her gaze in the mirror in front of him. "Who told you?" He asked finally, his voice deadly calm as he tried his hands off and turned around. "Addison." She replied without hesitation, her arms crossed protectively in front of her. "Since when did you two become friendly?" He questioned, leaning back against the sink. She raised her eyebrows. "We aren't. But she brought up a good point. You already sprung one of your wives on me. I don't deserve that again." She informed him. Derek looked down briefly before bringing his eyes back to hers. "You're right. But, for the record, I wasn't going to spring Erica on you." He went on. He met his gaze, clearly disbelieving his words. He sighed. "Open your locker." He said. She didn't move. "Just do it." He told her. She sighed. What is it with these people feeling that it's ok to tell me what to do? She thought to herself as she spun the combination on her lock. As soon as the door opened, a note floated to the floor. She grabbed it off the floor and read the simple note.

M-

Meet me at Joe's at 9. Please, it's important.

D.

She looked up. "I know Addison already told you. But I think I should get a chance to explain. She was my ex-wife after all." Derek reminded her. Do I go? Should I humor him? Does he deserve it? Probably not, but I do want to know who this woman is. I guess if I want to know, I have to go."What about Addison?" She asked feebly. "Addison already knows about Erica. Doesn't really like her." Derek replied. Meredith cocked her head to the side. "You know what I mean." She accused. He smiled wryly. "She won't say a word. She won't like it, but she's not going to do anything to upset me. She doesn't want to lose me, remember?" He told her, cursing his words as they came out, especially when she visibly winced.

It was against her better judgement, but she had to know. Finally, she nodded. "OK, I'll see you at 9." He said as he walked by her, clasping her arm for a moment as he went by. Before, before all of this, that gesture would have been insignificant, she probably wouldn't have even noticed it. But now, now she waited for him to touch her so she could store it in her memory bank. Truth be told, sometimes those memories were all that got her by. It was because of all those memories and unfinished business that Meredith agreed to go that night.

9 pm and Meredith was just getting a seat at the Joe's. The heavy set man set a tequila in front of her. "Meeting someone?" He asked. "Derek." She replied, sipping the liquid. Joe raised his eyebrows. "Don't start." She warned him. He backed away, his hands in the air as he headed toward the other end of the bar.

"Where are you going?" Addison questioned Derek as he changed into his street clothes. "To meet Meredith for a drink." He replied honestly. Her mouth dropped open slightly. "Why?" She asked at last. "To fix whatever damage I'm sure you caused with your version of the situation." He replied as he grabbed his briefcase and brushed by her.

Meredith heard the door swing open behind her. She glanced at her watch. 9:02. He always did have a thing about running behind, maybe not far behind, but still behind nonetheless. Sure enough, it was him. He sat down next to her, smiling softly. She could smell him. Breathe kid. You're here for information, nothing more. She coached herself as he ordered a scotch on the rocks. "So this Erica person…?" Meredith trailed off, spinning to face him on her barstool. "You sure get right to the point…" He muttered, taking a sip of his drink. She waited. He sighed. She's really not going to let me off the hook for 5 seconds.

"It's…. It was, very, insanely, terribly complicated. So complicated. We met the June before my first year of med school. I knew the first time that I saw her that she wasn't from New York. Native New Yorkers have a certain way of carrying themselves, dressing, facial expressions, we're a rather distinct breed of people." He started, taking another swallow of liquor. Meredith smiled in spite of herself. Encouraged by her response, he continued.

"So I knew she wasn't from around there. We were in a grocery store, she was behind me in line. Her cart was full of frozen dinners and Dr. Pepper. Perfect opening. I asked her if she cooked much. She said she didn't, hadn't had a home cooked meal since she left home. Told me she guessed she wasn't in Kansas anymore. I asked her if that was where she was from. She laughed and said 'Close enough. Missouri.' Then she introduced herself." He said.

FLASHBACK

Derek was unloading his groceries onto the conveyor belt when he heard a cart stop behind him. He looked back and into the most incredible blue/green eyes he'd ever seen. She smiled tentatively at him. He didn't hesitate in smiling back. She had longish brown hair, hanging loosely around her shoulders. A tall one, at least his height, maybe an inch shorter. His eyes skimmed her body as she busied herself with her purse. She may be young but she certainly had the body of a woman. He noticed her cart was full of various brands of frozen dinners and at least 3 cases of Dr. Pepper. "Not a cook?" He asked. Startled, she looked up and grinned. "If by cook you mean can I successfully burn down a kitchen? Yes, I can cook." She said with a laugh. He laughed out loud. A sense of humor, he loved that. "I haven't had a home cooked meal since I left home. This place, this city, well, I think it's safe to say I'm not in Kansas anymore." She admitted, going on. "Is that where you're from?" He asked. "Close enough. Missouri. Kansas's hipper, trendier cousin." She said with a smile. He grinned in response. He returned to his groceries, trying to come up with something clever to say.

"I'm Erica Wakefield. You?" She asked, startling him back to reality. "Derek. Derek Shepard." He replied, offering his hand. She shook it firmly. Make your move. Say something. Do something.' His inner voice commanded. "Do you have a pen?" He asked her. Wordlessly she handed him one. He jotted down his number on the receipt the checked had just given him. "Call me if you ever want one of those home cooked meals." He told her and pushed his cart off.

END FLASHBACK

"She called me two days later and left a message on my machine that said 'I just realized that my fridge consists of cardboard boxed and plastic bagged food. I just ate pop tarts for 3 meals. Call me.' I laughed through most of the message and called her. That was it for me. I was hooked on her, addicted to her. She was so incredibly different. I'd never met a person like her. She showed me things, made me trying things, made me do things. Things that I never would have seen, tried or done. She's why I like the ferry boats. They had them in St. Louis, where she's from, on the Mississippi river. We used to ride them every weekend. I proposed to her on her 19th birthday on a ferry boat. We got married 11 months later, on March 28th." He said. He paused to take a drink and let her think.

Go slow Derek. Don't scare her. Let her breathe, let her absorb it. He reminded himself. "Things were great at first. We both had what was left of the school year, then summer break. We did everything, absolutely everything, together. We were inseperable. If you'd have asked me back then if I thought she was it, I'd have said yes without even hesitating. But, I was young and stupid. Things started to get difficult almost immediately. We were both going to school full time and working full time to make ends meet. We barely saw each other. Sometimes, the only time we'd see each other was when we were sleeping next to each other. I thought it was enough. I convinced myself it was enough. But it wasn't, and deep down, I knew that. It only got worse as time went on. Then it got to be that the only times I ever really saw her were holidays and school breaks. Sure, I'd see her for an hour here and there but never for long stretches of time. She tried to talk to me about it. But I ignored it." He confessed as Joe set another scotch in front of him.

Do I really want to hear all this? Do I want him to go on and on about his long lost ex-wife? She asked herself. She didn't have a chance to process this because he started up again.

"I thought if I ignored it, it would go away. I thought she might back down. I was wrong. She's a fighter, she doesn't care if she hurts your feelings for the sake of getting a point across. So, she got fed up. One night I came home from work and all her stuff was gone. All that was left were the divorce papers and this." He said, handing Meredith a dog eared, folded piece of paper. She cautiously unfolded and read the note.

Derek-

I tried. I really did. I wanted this to work so badly Shep. But I can't deal with only seeing you on weekends, holidays and school breaks. Can you blame me for that? I love you. Plain and simple. I love you and I wanted to spend time with you, to have dinner with you, go to bed with you, wake up next to you. All I wanted was just to be your wife. I tried to tell you that, I tried a hundred times D. But you didn't want to hear it. You wanted it go away. So, fine, you get your way. You want it to go away, it's gone. I already signed. I can't believe this is the last time I'll ever sigh with our last name… Though I guess it's just yours now…

Love you

E. W. Shepard

Meredith looked up at Derek. "Pretty raw." She said finally. "Well that was her. She was a raw person. One of the things I love about her." He told her.

Meredith sighed and took a long pull on her drink. "Addison, she said that you love Erica more than her." Meredith said, picking her words carefully. Derek ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "That's not entirely false." He said at last. Shock vibrated through Meredith's body. That wasn't what she was expecting. "Erica's a very different creature than Addison. I was convinced that Erica was the love of my life. Hell, there's still a tiny pat of me that still believes that. And Addison, well, she was after me from the word 'go' so it wasn't like she didn't know what she getting involved in." Derek pointed out. "She, she was there the whole time?" Meredith asked, confused. He nodded. "Of course. She went to NYU and we had some of the same classes. She knew I was married. She knew I was happy. And when it all came down around me, well, she was there. So it all just happened. And I loved her for how she treated me, how she cared about me. But she wasn't Erica… Not even close. Nobody really comes close, especially not when that one person was who you were supposed to be with." Derek continued, taking a long drink of the scotch.

Meredith sat there, completely lost. She didn't know what to say, do or think. "But then I came here. And I felt like my world turned upside down. Until I came to Seattle, I had myself convinced that I'd never find someone. That my best years were behind me. But then you happened…" He said softly.

"Did you stop loving her?" Meredith asked finally. Please say yes, Derek, please. I don't think I can bear you being in love with 3 women.

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