HOPE YOU'RE ENJOYING THIS! I'M THROWING AN EXTRA CHARACTER IN NEXT CHAPTER!…. READ AND REVIEW AND YOU'LL FIND OUT WHO THE MYSTERY GUEST IS!

Aftermath

Chapter 5: I Still

Derek swallowed a pull of the scotch Joe just put in front of him. "That's a difficult question Mere." He said at last. "Humor me and try." She told him dryly. He sighed. "You aren't going to like what I have to say." He warned. "Just answer me, please. Did you fall out of love with her?' She asked again. "Yes." He answered at last. She let out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding. "And no." He went on, unable to keep the sheepish look off his face. She cocked an eyebrow at him. He rested his forearms on the bar. "Continue." She encouraged softly. "Meredith, she was my first wife, the first big love of my life. And she left me. I didn't stop loving her and she didn't stop loving me. Love wasn't why that relationship ended." He explained. She was silent, she was waiting. She really isn't going to let this go, she really does want to know the truth. He thought to himself. "I was why the marriage ended. I thought I could get away with putting everything else in front of my wife. I was too worried about everything else going on to see that the one person who meant more to me than anything else, was unhappy. I thought since we were married that she'd stay, that she'd stick it out." He went on, taking a long pull at his drink.

"And now?" She asked quietly. "Meredith… There are times, there are days, where I wake up and I… I still need her. I look back on how we were young and stupid… The way that things were said and done, I still, I still care about her. It's like I'm stuck in a moment that wasn't meant to last. But sometimes, no matter how much I try to fight it, try to deny it, I just can't let her go. Sometimes, I can still feel her, like she's right there beside me. Sometimes, it still feels like she's the one." He explained, his voice soft and low, full of regret.

She felt like the walls were coming in on her. This wasn't possible. This wasn't happening. He wasn't telling her he was still 'sometimes' in love with his ex-wife. "It's been 12 years!" She sputtered out. He smiled sadly. "Yeah it has been 12 years. Time has done a lot. It's why I only feel like that sometimes instead of all the time." He replied.

What…. What am I supposed to do? Say? I… I'm so lost…. How am I supposed to compete with a woman he's been harboring feelings for, god, for over 14 years now! "And the other times?" She asked at last. "The other times, well I'll admit, the other times have always been with you. You make me think that I can have it again. With you, days go by and I don't think about her. She doesn't even cross my mind. With you, I got the fresh start I've been looking for." He told her.

She rubbed her hands through her hair and down her face. "What am I supposed to do with all of this Derek?" She asked some minutes later. He was quiet for several moments. "I honestly don't know. Because I don't even know what I'm supposed to do." He replied, stress evident in his voice. "I do know one thing. I'd really like you to meet her. Before you have your official sit down with her, I mean." He went on. She looked at him expectantly. "I mean it. Tomorrow night, she's supposed to be at the hospital by 6pm to check in with Richard. She's meeting me in the lobby at 6:15 and we're going to dinner." He said, looking to her for her response. "You've already talked to her." Meredith replied, her voice dropping a little. "Meredith, we're friends. I called when I found out she was coming. It would have been a little weird if I hadn't." He pointed out. She didn't say anything.

"I don't know if I can. She is your ex-wife and apparently the love of your life." She said softly. Disagree with me Derek. Please…. He didn't say anything. He went completely silent. "Forget it Derek. I'll… I'll just see you later." She went on, anger edging into her voice. He grabbed her arm as she tried to brush past. "Don't punish me for loving someone. Addison's already done enough of that to last me a lifetime." He pleaded. She attempted to yank her arm from his grasp but he was stronger. "What? Did you expect me to pat you on the back and tell you I understood? I don't Derek. I don't understand. I'm not even going to pretend to. I can't. I'm not that good of an actor, unlike you apparently." She retorted, her voice shaking with hurt and anger.

"I don't know what else to tell you. I told you what you wanted to know. I answered your questions. I told you that it wasn't going to be easy and I told you that you weren't going to like what I had to say. And you still wanted to know. I was honest and I get punished." He muttered. "Hey! You aren't getting punished for being honest! You're getting punished for not being honest soon enough! I can't believe that you're still hiding things and we aren't even together anymore!" She spat, the words just firing out of her mouth as she tried snatching her arm back. He pulled her flush against him. "Listen to me." He whispered, his voice low and dangerously close to her ear. "I love you Meredith. That hasn't and never will change. You are the first person I've ever completely and totally loved in 12 years. I do not and will not hide that. Not from you, from Addison or from Erica. I'm sorry that I still care about her, I really am. But I'm working on it damnit, I'm working on it because of you. I'm trying, OK. I'm trying. Just don't ask me anymore goddamn questions. Not about Erica and don't ask me why I'm still with Addison. Just don't. If you give two shits about me, don't ask." He finished, releasing his grip, throwing down 3 twenty dollar bills and disappearing out the door.

OK SO I KNOW IT WAS SHORT, BUT NEXT CHAPTER WE WILL MEET ERICA AND OUR SURPRISE GUEST! STAY TUNED! REVIEWS PLEASE!

OK I have an opportunity for you to find out some information before anyone else!

Here's what you have to do - In your review, name the singer of each song title I've used for the story:

Chapter 1: Fix You - ?

Chapter 2: Talk - ?

Chapter 3: 20 Years and 2 Husbands Ago - ?

Chapter 4: So Complicated - ?

Chapter 5: I Still - ?

Get them all right and I'll give you a little preview of what's to come!